With the New Year here, we have goal-setting on our mind. Maybe you don’t call it goal setting. Maybe you call it “Resolutions!” Either way, the beginning of a new year is the time we all consider making changes in our lives. But before you jump on the goal-setting train, I want to help you create a strong foundation for goal setting.

Listen to the podcast below for everything you need to know about setting the stage to be successful in reaching your goals! You might be surprised what it takes!

Podcast Transcript:

Hey everyone! I can’t believe we are saying goodbye to 2018 and welcoming a new year! It’s been one heck of a year for my family, but one we will never forget! I won’t go through all the milestones from the year, but if you’re interested I wrote a quick blog post on my Downs Ups & Teacups blog with a list of 2018 accomplishments you can check out! I hope this year has treated you well, and if it hasn’t, I’ll gladly support you welcoming a new year and saying goodbye to the past one! 

I know many of us are looking at the new year and wanting to set goals, so I wanted to record a quick podcast to help you with that process and help you start the new year on the right foot! There’s so many New Year’s resolutions and goal-setting tips flying at us from every angle this time of year, so I don’t want to be just another voice in all the noise. Instead, think of this podcast as a soft and comforting whisper in all the noise that is reminding you what you need to create a lasting foundation for goal-setting.

I work with my clients on setting goals all year round and have so many resources and different best practices to fit my client’s unique needs, but I want to spend this podcast with a focus on mindset rather than action. 

The first thing I want to share with you is that motivation is everything!! Many of us are motivated during the week between Christmas and New Years more than we are at any other time of the year. But that motivation often begins to fade by the end of January or mid-February. The reason behind is because the motivation that most people use for their goals isn’t serving them well. What do I mean by this? Well, if you are making a goal for the new year because you are dissatisfied with yourself, and you are relying on that dissatisfaction to help you reach your goal, you will find out quickly that isn’t a sustainable approach. 

Let me give you an example of what I mean to help explain this…

I recently took to social media and shared my battle with chronic back pain with my community. Back pain has been a struggle since I was 13. I’ve needed help for a long time but just now got the courage to be open about it and seek help instead of thinking I was being “strong” by hiding it. I want to share with you two different approaches I could take with my back pain going into the New Year and YOU decide which one you think has the sustainable motivation I would need to make a lasting change.

Approach number one: I’m in so much pain. My body feels broken — as if it’s betrayed me because it refuses to work the way that it should. It keeps me from being the best version of myself that I can be. It prevents me from parenting with kindness sometimes because I’m always on edge. It has made it difficult to find a workout routine that works and doesn’t make things worse. Back pain has caused an increase in my anxiety. I fear so many things because of the amount of energy it takes to get through my baseline pain, I can’t imagine adding more things that suck my energy dry. I think I should pursue healing and change in the new year to fix myself. I can’t take it anymore.

Okay, now approach number two: 

My body is a fighting machine. It wakes up every day despite the fact my pain tells my brain to stay in bed. It shows up for the needs of my children even when it would rather take the time to rest. My body is capable of amazing things because God made it that way. It’s so strong and so brave being able to battle as long as it has. I want to make sure it’s operating at it’s highest capacity so I plan to make changes in the new year to care for it and help it be the best it can be! I deserve it!

Okay. Now which one do you think is going to motivate me towards change? Sure, the guilt and shame version of the first approach will make me want to change, but eventually I’ll keep piling on the negative self talk and soon the motivation will fizzle out. I’ll end up defeated by my body. With approach number two, I am valuing myself. I’m valuing my body, and I am making a choice to better myself out of love and not hate. The pain hasn’t changed in either example, but the approach has! 

Now I want you to apply approach number two to your goals! Do you have a weight loss goal because you hate what you see when you look in the mirror? Or do you have a weight loss goal because you want to better your relationship with food and feed your body in such a way that thanks it for all that it does for you on a day to day basis? Which approach do you think will serve you best in the New Year?

Do you have a goal to spend less time in front of a screen because you have guilt about the way you parent or the way you are present with your friends? You beat yourself up over it and you know you need to keep your addiction to your screen in check! OR are you telling yourself that you are a great mom even when your attention is often on your phone and you know you can be an even BETTER mom if you were able to set some better boundaries with technology? 

Change the way you speak to yourself and watch the motivation for your New Year’s goals be sustainable for more than just the first few months of the year!

My next goal setting tip is to set a goal that does not include the word “should.”We don’t realize how often we use the word should, whether verbally or inside our heads, but it’s quite a lot when you take notice of the word!

Here are a few examples of “should” goals:

“I should exercise more.”

“I should save more money.”

“I should eat healthier.”

“I should be a better parent.”

What’s the problem with a “should” goal?” “shoulds” are an enemy to success. “Should” is used as a criticism. Going after a “should” goal steals our time and sucks our energy from the things we want to do or the things that will serve us best and instead, we take on outside, unnecessary pressures.

“Should” statements take control of our lives. Think about it, if you’re telling yourself all these things you “should” do, you’re comparing and measuring yourself against others and promoting dissatisfaction within yourself. The whole purpose of a goal is to seek more fulfillment and personal growth. “Shoulds” are obstacles that get in the way of that. 

When I look back on my biggest accomplishments or happiest moments, it’s typically from doing something I “shouldn’t” and stepping out of my comfort zone!

I “should” have gone through four years of college at my University and kept my GPA at it’s high point, but instead, I studied abroad in Australia for a semester, lowered my GPA a bit because of the differing grading scale, but also made lifelong friends and some of my favorite life memories!

I probably “should” have waited until after college to get married so we were more stable, but I didn’t and we learned what it was like to stay together through struggle.

I probably “should” have stayed safe and not traveled to another country for our adoption when the boarders were closed, but I didn’t and I got stuck, but if I hadn’t we wouldn’t have had Evelyn home as early as we did if at all!

I was told by a dozen outsiders that we “should” keep the birth order of our family and not adopt older kids, but then I wouldn’t have had the beautiful amazing kids I do now!

See what I mean? “Shoulds” aren’t an accurate lead to goal-setting. If you say you should save money but it’s at the expense of giving, I don’t think that’s a great trade off. If you say you “should eat healthier” but it’s because you are comparing yourself to those around you and trying to lose weight instead of eating from a place of self-love and nourishment, the “should” is damaging. 

I could go on and on about “shoulds” but I think you get the idea! 

Of course I have some practical advice on how to set goals as well, but I wanted to focus this episode on the mindset that’s essential to setting a goal. Mindset is the key before you ever jump into a goal setting process such as SMART goals or a process I recommend to my clients called WOOP. If you don’t have the motivation or set goals from a place of “should” instead of want, you’ll never find the success you want. And I absolutely want nothing more than for you to look back on the next year knowing you spent it working towards personal growth from a place of abundance and love rather than scarcity and hate. 

After you work on mindset, sign up for my life coaching membership that includes emails each month with worksheets and tools designed around life coaching topics such as goal setting! This is the perfect time to sign up! It’s only $25/month and