The Parents Aren’t All Right
21Digest
The podcast delves into the phenomenon of "intensive parenting," a style of parenting characterized by high levels of involvement, time commitment, and a focus on optimizing children's outcomes. The surgeon general has declared this trend a public health crisis due to the stress it places on parents. The podcast traces the evolution of parenting in America, highlighting how each era has brought increased pressure on parents. From the relaxed parenting of the 1970s to the helicopter parenting of the 1980s, and now the intensive parenting of today, parents face a growing sense of responsibility and pressure. Neuroscience research has shown that early childhood experiences have a significant impact on brain development, leading to a belief that parents have a crucial role in shaping their children's future outcomes, contributing to the intensity of modern parenting. However, intensive parenting has led to increased stress and burnout for parents, with many feeling overwhelmed and lacking time for themselves. This is exacerbated by social media, which creates a sense of comparison and pressure to achieve unrealistic parenting standards. While intensive parenting can have benefits, there are concerns that it may be detrimental to children's independence and resilience. The podcast explores the free-range parenting movement and the potential downsides of over-involved parenting. The surgeon general proposes solutions to the parenting crisis, including public policies like paid family leave and subsidized childcare, workplace changes to support working parents, and cultural shifts that encourage community support and self-care for parents. The podcast concludes with a personal reflection on intensive parenting, acknowledging the pressures and challenges it presents while also highlighting the importance of finding balance and self-care.
Outlines
The Public Health Crisis of Intensive Parenting
The surgeon general has issued a warning about the stress of modern parenting, calling it a public health crisis due to the rise of "intensive parenting," a style of parenting that is highly involved, time-consuming, and driven by a desire to optimize children's outcomes.
The Evolution of Parenting in America
The podcast traces the evolution of parenting in America, highlighting how each era has brought increased pressure on parents. From the 1970s, when parenting was more relaxed and children had more freedom, to the 1980s, when helicopter parenting emerged due to concerns about child safety, to the present day, where intensive parenting is driven by economic anxiety, competition for college, and neuroscience research.
The Impact of Intensive Parenting on Parents and Children
The podcast explores the impact of intensive parenting on both parents and children. It discusses the increased stress and burnout experienced by parents, as well as the potential downsides of over-involved parenting for children's independence and resilience. It also examines the role of neuroscience research in shaping modern parenting practices and the influence of social media on parenting expectations.
Solutions to the Parenting Crisis
The podcast concludes by exploring potential solutions to the parenting crisis, including public policies like paid family leave and subsidized childcare, workplace changes to support working parents, and cultural shifts that encourage community support and self-care for parents. It emphasizes the importance of finding balance and self-care in the midst of intensive parenting.
Keywords
Intensive Parenting
A style of parenting characterized by high levels of involvement, time commitment, and focus on optimizing children's outcomes. It often involves constant engagement, educational enrichment, and a belief that parents have a significant role in shaping their children's future.
Helicopter Parenting
A parenting style characterized by excessive involvement and overprotection, often hovering over children and intervening in their lives to ensure their safety and success.
Free-Range Parenting
A parenting style that emphasizes allowing children more independence and freedom to explore and learn on their own, with less supervision and intervention from parents.
Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)
Traumatic or stressful experiences during childhood that can have long-term negative effects on physical and mental health, including abuse, neglect, and exposure to violence.
Toxic Stress
Prolonged exposure to stress that can have harmful effects on physical and mental health, including increased risk of anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues.
Maternal Guilt
A feeling of guilt experienced by mothers, particularly working mothers, for not being able to devote all their time and attention to their children.
Social Comparison
The tendency to compare oneself to others, often leading to feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. Social media can exacerbate this phenomenon, presenting idealized versions of parenting and family life.
Q&A
What is the surgeon general's warning about parenting?
The surgeon general has issued a warning about the stress of modern parenting, calling it a public health crisis due to the rise of "intensive parenting."
How has parenting evolved in America over the decades?
Parenting has become increasingly intense and demanding, with each era bringing new pressures. From the relaxed parenting of the 1970s to the helicopter parenting of the 1980s, and now the intensive parenting of today, parents face a growing sense of responsibility and pressure.
What is the role of neuroscience in intensive parenting?
Neuroscience research has shown that early childhood experiences have a significant impact on brain development, leading to a belief that parents have a crucial role in shaping their children's future outcomes, contributing to the intensity of modern parenting.
What are the potential downsides of intensive parenting?
Intensive parenting can lead to increased stress and burnout for parents, and may also hinder children's independence and resilience. There are concerns that over-involved parenting can limit children's opportunities to learn from their own experiences and develop problem-solving skills.
What are some solutions to the parenting crisis?
The surgeon general proposes solutions including public policies like paid family leave and subsidized childcare, workplace changes to support working parents, and cultural shifts that encourage community support and self-care for parents.
How can parents find balance and self-care in the midst of intensive parenting?
It's important for parents to recognize the pressures of intensive parenting and find ways to prioritize their own well-being. This may involve setting boundaries, seeking support from others, and taking time for themselves to recharge.
Show Notes
For years, research on hyper-attentive parenting has focused on all the ways that it can hurt children.
Now, the U.S. government is reframing that conversation and asking if our new era of parenting is actually bad for the parents themselves.
Claire Cain Miller, who covers families and education for The New York Times, explains why raising children is a risk to your health.
Guest: Claire Cain Miller, a reporter who writes for The Upshot at The New York Times.
Background reading:
- The surgeon general warned about parents’ stress, a sign that intensive parenting may have become too intense for parents.
- Read the surgeon general’s essay about parent stress.
For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Transcripts of each episode will be made available by the next workday.
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