Woke Up On the Sunny Side of the Sarcophagus

I Remember When Starbucks Wasn’t a Thing. Fuck, I’m Old!

Could I Get a Bag of Oatmeal Pies?

Perforated Pontoons of Positivity Drifting Dreamily Down the Delta of Despair

Proctological Sunshine Extractor

Vincent Van Gogh, Go and Mail That Ear

Who Stole the Banana Guacamole?!

We’re All Just Burps in The Universe. She’s a Gassy Bitch.

Getting shot and and missed and shit at and hit

A Joyous Symphony of Synchronized Slapdashery

Boy,, There’s a LOT of Ignorant Honkeys Out There! (Myself included)

Supercalifuckilistickissmyassadocious

More American than a Bald Eagle Shitting on a Confederate Flag

Rustier than Your Great Granny’s Cast Iron Sex Toy

Do Shit Kickers Dream of Kicking Anything Else?

I Have Been Tested by the Scales of Relevance and Been Found Wanting

Lighting the Yule Log in Hopes that Santa Burns his Sack

The Place Setting You Don‘t Want on Your Thanksgiving Table

Pissing on Graves is a Great Way for the Undead to Remove Your Genitals

Still Steaming Humor Droppings