DiscoverTopic Lords66. There's No One Way To Suck Glass
66. There's No One Way To Suck Glass

66. There's No One Way To Suck Glass

Update: 2021-01-25


Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!



  • The fine art of professional wrestling

  • Stealing the declaration of independence to save Nicolas Cage's life

  • Atari 2600 Adventure's effectiveness as a port of Crowther and Woods Adventure

  • Larry asks "That one time Taco Bell promised every American a free taco if the Mir space station hit a taco target in the indian Ocean but it missed by an entire hemisphere."

  • Non-violent communication

  • The threshold between an object/entity being large, and SO large that your brain can no longer process it effectively and you're no longer impressed

  • Sucking a glass onto your face


  • Still the raddest place to play web games.

  • An Airport For Aliens Currently Run By Dogs.

  • Interacting with dogs in a whole new way.

  • Being clean and dirty at the same time.

  • Dog synergies.

  • The legal standing of a game downloading a random guitar tab from the internet to make a dog play guitar.

  • A scope creep game that ships.

  • Whether professional wrestling is trashy.

  • Audience-reactive improv theater performed by professional stunt men.

  • Pro wrestling jargon creeping into your

  • A work for marks who are smart marks and don't know when they're being worked or if they're not.

  • Stealing vocabulary from Victorian urchins.

  • Whether women's wrestling is still about macho posturing.

  • Meme warfare thought devices.

  • Muscled theatrical performers doing their dangedest

  • Whether GDC is ever going to happen again.

  • Whether GDC will be the same without Simon Carless.

  • Whether Lost Levels can exist without GDC bringing everyone physically together and secretly reserving the physical venue.

  • Every D-level game dev celebrity entering an arena and only one D-level game dev celebrity leaving.

  • A contract sealed in blood that is a matter of public record.

  • Having an hour and 45 minutes to save Nicholas Cage's life by stealing the Declaration of Independence.

  • Finding out that Nicholas Cage was injured in a bear fighting accident and realizing that now's your time to shine.

  • Finding out that isn't based on geolocation technology, it just scrapes TMZ for headlines that contain both "cage" and "bear."

  • Why we still have to steal the Declaration of Independence if everyone is aware of the Nicholas Cage situation.

  • Conspicuously walking down the street with the Declaration of Independence rolled up under your arm like a newspaper so that an urchin can snatch it away from you and you can pretend to be incensed.

  • Finding out what Habeas Corpus means.

  • Atari 2600 Adventure vs. Crowther and Woods Adventure.

  • Adapting a text adventure to computer system that can't render text.

  • Making a game where you explore until you find an ending in a context where all anyone's ever seen is games where you play for a high score.

  • Remakes changing the meaning of the original.

  • Inventing a 4D game platform to port Demon's Souls to.

  • Hitting a taco target in the Indian ocean.

  • Whether 40'x40' is a big taco or a small target for a space station.

  • All of America having a taco-in-the-streets party.

  • Dipping your girlfriend and smooching her as taco cheese falls from the sky.

  • Mir falling from the sky every day being a small price to pay to solve world hunger.

  • Taco Bell beginning to sweat as they realize the revolution is about to start.

  • Alternate history fiction where the branch point is that Taco Bell gave every American a free taco after Mir hit their taco target.

  • Non-Violent Communication.

  • Communicating your lived experience backed with justification and couched in empathy.

  • Instead of saying "you're annoying me," saying "I am annoyed because of you."

  • The HALT principle.

  • Big things making your brain go "ooh!"

  • Being terrified of the scale of Jupiter but the sun being like "meh"

  • Being terrified by an enormous mammoth but less terrified of the Earth when the Earth is bigger and closer than the mammoth.

  • Being unable to process the scale of a large city but eventually becoming desensitized to it.

  • Deciding whether to be impressed by something's size based on whether it's horizontal or vertical.

  • The relief and comfort of realizing that humans don't make any fricking sense.

  • Making New Year's Resolution of finally making sense of yourself and of the world.

  • Different goals emerging from the same root: hubris.

  • Not being able to form a seal on your face because you have a beard.

  • Normalizing shaving a hole in your beard sized and situated to suck a drinking glass onto your face.

  • Putting a drinking glass on your face in various configurations until one feels right.

  • A drinking glass size rooted in a human arrogance that you can appreciate but that you can't encourage.

  • Learning to suck a glass onto your face from the kid next to you at Applebee's.

Support Topic Lords









Sleep Timer


End of Episode

5 Minutes

10 Minutes

15 Minutes

30 Minutes

45 Minutes

60 Minutes

120 Minutes

66. There's No One Way To Suck Glass

66. There's No One Way To Suck Glass

Jim Stormdancer