DiscoverCounselor Toolbox PodcastTreatment for People with Borderline Parents
Treatment for People with Borderline Parents

Treatment for People with Borderline Parents

Update: 2020-06-222
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Treatment for People with Borderline Parents

Instructor: Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes

Executive Director, AllCEUs.com

Podcast Host: Counselor Toolbox and Happiness Isn’t Brain Surgery


Sponsored by TherapyNotes.com

Manage your practice securely and efficiently. Two free months of TherapyNotes with coupon code “CEU”


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Counseling CEUs can be earned for this presentation at https://www.allceus.com/member/cart/index/product/id/375/c/


Objectives

~ Review the characteristics of BPD

~ Compare and contrast BPD with addictive behaviors

~ Examine ways to implement the activities presented in the book in a group format

Characteristics of BPD

~ Poorly developed, or unstable self-image, often associated with excessive self-criticism

~ Difficulty recognizing the feelings & needs of others

~ Interpersonal hypersensitivity (i.e., prone to feel slighted or insulted)

~ Perceptions of others tend to focus on negative attributes or vulnerabilities.


Characteristics of BPD

~ Intense, unstable, and conflicted close relationships, marked by mistrust, neediness, and fear of abandonment

~ Close relationships

~ Viewed in extremes of idealization and devaluation

~ Alternating between over involvement and withdrawal.


Effects on Others

~ Feeling inadequate despite best efforts to appease

~ Lack of emotional boundaries

~ Responsible for the parent’s happiness

~ Guilt for personal happiness

~ Difficulty trusting people due to alternations between feeling appreciated and condemned

~ Anxiety because the parent was unpredictable

~ Hypervigilance

I Never Knew It Had A Name

~ Group Activity 1

~ Discuss the function of each symptom for the parent

~ Have participants identify any behaviors they have which may also resemble that symptom

~ Review and refute the take-aways providing practical cognitive and interpersonal skills

~ Group Activity 2

~ Stop & Think: The Lessons are Clear—Review and Refute

All Grown Up

~ Examines the effects of the borderline personality on the living conditions

~ Chaos

~ Abuse and Neglect

~ Boundary Violations

~ Invalidation

~ Role Reversals

~ Looks are Everything

~ Keen Perception

All Grown Up

~ 6 Seeds to Grow a Healthy Child

~ Support

~ Respect and Acceptance

~ Voice

~ Unconditional Love and Affection

~ Consistency

~ Security

All Grown Up

~ Group Activity 1

~ Examine each effect of the Borderline Personality

~ Discuss how each was present in the family of origin

~ Discuss how each is manifested in the client’s current life

~ Identify methods to eliminate those dysfunctional patterns

All Grown Up

~ Group Activity 2

~ 6 Seeds: Discuss how to use those 6 principles to

~ Reparent/nurture self

~ Nurture healthy relationships

~ Group Activity 3

~ Stop and Think: Resiliency Builders

Grieving a Lost Childhood

~ Understand the grieving process

~ Review messages received in childhood about dealing with losses

~ Identif losses and feelings associated with the dysfunctional childhood

~ Identify continuing issues with the borderline/addicted parent

Grieving a Lost Childhood

~ Group Activity

~ Describe what you would have liked your childhood to be like

~ As a group, identify ways to translate that to present day.


Guilt, Responsibility & Forgiveness

~ Identify potential guilt-triggers for the adult child

~ Discuss how guilt works, and what the benefits/motivations for guilt may be

~ Identify and discusses different origins of guilt

~ Encourage identification of what can & cannot be controlled

~ Explore the issues of guilt and responsibility

~ Encourage participants to examine their beliefs related to forgiveness


Guilt, Responsibility & Forgiveness

~ Group Activity 1

~ Complete an ABC worksheet exploring beliefs about guilt.

~ Dispute and Evaluate using the prompts in Stop and Think: Am I Guilty

~ Group Activity 2

~ In the Reframing section, use the concepts about personal responsibility as group discussion starters


Guilt, Responsibility & Forgiveness

~ Group Activity

~ Stop and Think: Taking Ownership–Post these statements on the wall in the group room and refer to them when people are feeling powerless or not taking ownership

~ Group Activity

~ The F-Word: Under the section Why Forgive, there are 7 questions. Have the group process these questions.

Overcoming Anger & Resentment

~ Examine the function of anger and how it works

~ Explore the many faces of anger

~ Discuss ways people cope with anger

~ Encourage people to think about what it means to them to let go of anger

~ Highlight the consequences of anger

~ Provide tools to start managing anger

Overcoming Anger & Resentment

~ Group Activity 1

~ Stop and Think: Reframe Triggers—For each statement, have group members identify an example of when they have felt that way, and use the reframing tools

~ Group Activity 2

~ Identify the different manifestations of anger and effects of each

Communicating and Setting Limits

~ Help clients find the right balance between what they need to do and what they feel like they “should” do when interacting with the BP

~ Develop practical tools for controlling the flow of communication and interaction

~ Use the metaphor of changing the dance from a waltz to a tango to illustrate the concept of changing the relationship

~ Write a personal Bill of Rights

Communicating and Setting Limits

~ Group Activity 1

~ Controlling the Flow: Identify ways that the BP (and others) may violate boundaries. Discuss ways to deal with this and associated feelings of anger, guilt etc.

~ Group Activity 2

~ Define what a healthy relationship with a parent would look like, having each client identify the aspects important to them. Then learn to Tango.

Communicating and Setting Limits

~ Group Activity 3

~ Know Your Rights: For each right the author listed (and any you add) identify what that looks like; how to communicate these needs and wants and how to handle it if those rights are not respected.

~ Group Activity 4

~ Identify BP triggers and their functions and ways to prevent triggering them without sacrificing self

Communicating and Setting Limits

~ Group Activity 5

~ Coping with Resistance & Rages— Role play using different validating phrases like those suggested on page 115.

~ Process after the role play what self-statements (also on page 115) were helpful in retaining composure

~ Note: This is an especially helpful activity to do and even re-do right before holidays or family gatherings.

Reconstructing the Past:

Assessing the Present

~ Examine the different roles people play in their families and how those roles may be being reconstructed in the present.

~ Encourage people to write their autobiography from a reporter’s lens to gain objective insight

~ Present the concept that our parents directly and indirectly communicate messages to us about who we are and should be

~ Challenge people to find positives in the pain

~ Introduce the concept of mindfulness


Envisioning Change

Breaking Old Habits

~ Begin by asking clients to envision the future, while carefully avoiding simply choosing the opposite because it is opposite

~ Encourage people to start taking care of themselves

~ Review thinking errors such as personalization and polarized thinking

~ Discusse how to develop a change plan, prioritizing, maintaining motivation and including sufficient rewards

Envisioning Change

Breaking Old Habits

~ Group Activity 1

~ Have each group member identify one change they are going to make this week and how they are going to do it.

~ Encourage the use of measurable goals and objectives

~ Identify the motivation/reason for making that change

~ Brainstorm and mitigate any obstacles.


Envisioning Change

Breaking Old Habits

~ Group Activity 2

~ Develop a thinking error journal and have group members fill it out for a week, then bring it back to group to process.

Trust Yourself, Set Boundaries

Build Self-Esteem

~ Examine what healthy boundaries look like and how to know if we have them

~ Discuss how to enforce boundaries

~ Begin to explore the concept of self esteem

Putting It All Together

~ Encourages clients to remain aware of old behaviors creeping in and/or new behaviors falling away

~ Remind clients that change is a process that takes not only time, but support

Don’t Forget

~ Like our YouTube channel to be alerted when we publish new videos and new CEUs

~ Use coupon code 1168SNIPES whenever you make a purchase from Newharbinger.com to receive a 25% discount on your order.

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Treatment for People with Borderline Parents

Treatment for People with Borderline Parents

Charles Snipes