Tribute to Mom - Mother's Day Special
Update: 2024-05-11
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In this episode, Leslie and Rochelle talk about their moms. Leslie just recently lost her mother and they talk about her experience and lessons learned through that. Cherish your mom. Call her. Love on her. Life is short and your mom is your mom. Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there! And thank you for your prayers!
Follow Leslie on Instagram at @leslie_quilts and Rochelle at @doughnutwarrior
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Transcript
00:00:00
(upbeat music)
00:00:02
- When I come into this-- - Do you want a bone, PJ?
00:00:06
- Okay, so she's interrupting my lovely story.
00:00:09
- She is.
00:00:10
- You can edit that out.
00:00:12
- Okay.
00:00:13
(laughing)
00:00:14
I'm not editing anything.
00:00:15
- Okay, I'm not in the mood.
00:00:16
- I'm not in the mood.
00:00:17
- You might be in two weeks.
00:00:19
(laughing)
00:00:20
- I might be.
00:00:21
- But simply sisters, thank you.
00:00:23
- Welcome to the inappropriate quilters podcast, where we talk about life, quilting, and we throw in a few inappropriate things.
00:00:31
I'm your host, Leslie Bercher, along with my inappropriate friend and co-host, Rochelle Rice.
00:00:37
So sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.
00:00:39
(upbeat music)
00:00:42
- Just perhaps it is, I don't know.
00:00:51
- I don't know.
00:00:52
- Here we go.
00:00:53
Looks like you've got a bag of something.
00:00:54
- I do, today.
00:00:55
- So again, Myra Cohen, her husband, Carl, he sent us his popcorn, which is from Jasmine's County.
00:01:02
- Pacific popcorn, yeah.
00:01:04
- And black truffle.
00:01:05
- Black truffle.
00:01:06
- Okay.
00:01:07
- Let's see what we think.
00:01:07
- I don't know what that tastes like.
00:01:09
- I don't really know what a truffle is.
00:01:10
- I don't know what a truffle is.
00:01:11
- Well, you know, it's in the ground kind of a thing and pigs like to dig for 'em.
00:01:17
- It's pretty expensive.
00:01:19
- This one's more savory.
00:01:22
- Yeah, it's what you think?
00:01:22
- It's what you think.
00:01:23
- Mm-hmm.
00:01:24
- But I don't think I would have ever thought of a truffle as being savory.
00:01:28
- Yeah, I would.
00:01:29
- Oh, I don't know.
00:01:30
- Yeah, yeah.
00:01:31
- Maybe it's 'cause I think of candy, some stuff.
00:01:34
- Okay.
00:01:34
- In truffle fries.
00:01:34
- Truffle fries, you know, they're always a salty, savory, I mean, or so.
00:01:38
And again, you know, you're gonna order these off of Amazon to get them.
00:01:41
So the company that has these, it is a woman's minority-owned company.
00:01:46
- Oh.
00:01:47
- Which is a cool thing.
00:01:48
- Right, yeah.
00:01:49
- You know, women are minority, so.
00:01:50
- Well, we are, and it's kind of funny.
00:01:52
- I don't think of us as a minority.
00:01:57
- Because there's a two of us and we are proud of you.
00:01:59
(laughing)
00:02:00
- Where there are two.
00:02:01
- Where there are two are the more.
00:02:02
- Well, I have to share, you know, of course, my mother passed away, yes week, unexpectedly.
00:02:09
And she had been, you know, she'd been sick, but not like, we weren't expecting her to just go.
00:02:15
- Right, right.
00:02:16
- So, but I've had the most amazing outpouring of love and support from our listeners.
00:02:24
- Absolutely.
00:02:25
- And I just have to pause and say thank you because it has meant so much to me.
00:02:30
It's meant so much to my family.
00:02:32
I've read messages, I've read messages, after messages, and I can't begin to respond to everything.
00:02:38
It's just, no, there's no way.
00:02:39
- There's no way, I know.
00:02:40
- Like, there's been so much.
00:02:41
And so, I just wanna take this opportunity to thank everybody, but I did get this most lovely box.
00:02:48
I don't know if I told you about this.
00:02:50
- I just mean picture.
00:02:51
- I did send you a picture.
00:02:52
And it came from Nancy and Adele, and she's local, and she has, she's a part of this group called Simply Sisters, and I'd never heard of this group, but PJ,
00:03:03
you're being naughty.
00:03:05
- And she said, I've heard of the group.
00:03:06
- Did she eat her food?
00:03:07
- No.
00:03:08
PJ, come on, here we go.
00:03:10
Go.
00:03:11
But Simply Sisters, they sent me this box, and it was just filled to, and it was a big box, filled to the rim with just lovely little tissue wrapped gifts.
00:03:24
And I'm gonna get her, hang on.
00:03:26
- Okay.
00:03:27
- I don't understand a dog that sits there in barks, like she wants you, but then she doesn't want you.
00:03:36
I'm gonna give her a bow.
00:03:37
- Yeah, give her a bow.
00:03:38
She actually wants me to hang out with her.
00:03:40
She, you know, how she squills when I come into this.
00:03:42
- Do you want a bone PJ?
00:03:44
Okay, so she's interrupting my lovely story.
00:03:46
- She is.
00:03:48
You can edit that out.
00:03:49
- Okay.
00:03:50
I'm not editing anything.
00:03:52
- Okay, good.
00:03:53
- I'm not in the mood.
00:03:54
- You might be in two weeks.
00:03:56
But Simply Sisters, they sent me this box, and it was filled up with all these sweet little goodies.
00:04:04
And they're things as loving, caring, and doing.
00:04:09
So they, it must be a group.
00:04:11
I'm gonna learn more about this, because I told Nancy, when I think settle down, I wanna learn more about what they do, because it literally was filled up with some handmade things, some things that were just bought,
00:04:23
but also handmade things, just to show me that they're giving me a hug.
00:04:27
And I just, I cannot say how much that meant to me, but anyway, they sent a book, they sent candies, they sent all kinds of stuff.
00:04:36
But they made this journal for me, and it was handmade, and I've started using it.
00:04:42
I thought, you know, I'm gonna start getting my thoughts down, like what's going on, and what, you know.
00:04:46
So I started it last night, or this morning, and I wanted to really pause on some lessons I've learned.
00:04:54
- Okay.
00:04:55
- Because I think in these kind of moments, there are a lot of lessons you learn, and if you don't write them down, you may forget them.
00:05:03
- Right.
00:05:04
- And I need to not forget these lessons, because if my mother's passing taught me some lessons, I don't want that to be in vain.
00:05:14
I want it to be something I take with me.
00:05:16
So anyway, I'm gonna read my lessons learned, okay.
00:05:19
So not that I didn't already believe this, but number one, family first, period, don't care.
00:05:24
No matter what, family first.
00:05:26
And I'm not talking about this just from my mom, but I'm talking about family first.
00:05:32
It's always first.
00:05:33
And so when I started talking about my obligations, though, my priorities, this is the second thing, my first obligation and my first, very first priority has to be God.
00:05:44
And because at the center of it all, that's where my faith is, that's where my peace comes from.
00:05:50
That's my, if I believe in the afterlife, and I believe we go on to another place, that's the foundation of it all.
00:05:58
So, and I don't give that enough priority in my daily, and I really want to make that change.
00:06:04
I want that to be a part of my day.
00:06:05
So anyway, but second is John.
00:06:08
- Right.
00:06:09
He's my number one besides my relationship with God.
00:06:13
And then third is my kids and their kids.
00:06:15
Fourth is my dad.
00:06:16
Fifth is my brothers and their families.
00:06:19
You know, sixth is my friends.
00:06:20
And sometimes I think sometimes we can get some of that out of order.
00:06:24
And I need to really make sure that I'm keeping some of my priorities in the right order.
00:06:30
- Right.
00:06:31
- Because my friends are kind of like my family.
00:06:33
And so it kind of bleeds over.
00:06:35
And I have to really remember that my brothers are blood.
00:06:41
They are blood.
00:06:41
- Right.
00:06:42
- And, but your friends are right here.
00:06:43
- But my friends are right here.
00:06:44
- And your brothers are away.
00:06:46
- Right.
00:06:46
- So it's different.
00:06:47
- And, but eighth is everything else.
00:06:51
- Yep.
00:06:52
- Like, yeah, at the end of the day.
00:06:53
If I have God, my husband, my kids, my dad, my brothers, my friends, if they are all in that.
00:07:01
- Right.
00:07:02
- Eighth is everything else.
00:07:04
My job, my hobbies, the podcast, all the things, all the things, the yard work.
00:07:10
- The yard work.
00:07:11
- Yeah, cooking.
00:07:12
- Gardening, cooking, it's everything else.
00:07:17
- And, you know, it's kind of nice to think that you can compartmentalize it that way, because you really can't.
00:07:21
Because what you're gonna find is that those things that John being that, you know, that's my family and John being that, you're gonna find that you're going to be doing some of those other things that are eighth to enhance John's life.
00:07:33
- Sure.
00:07:34
- And so then what happened?
00:07:36
And I think that's okay.
00:07:37
- It is, but then what happens is those eighths that are enhancing his life and bringing him more joy, we eventually move back to those eighths.
00:07:46
And I think it's a pendulum.
00:07:48
- Well, I do too, but I, I'm gonna write it down and I'm gonna really try to keep, be mindful of it.
00:07:54
So, the next thing I know, when someone loses a spouse, it's completely different.
00:08:02
And so, you know, I've spent a lot of time with my dad the last few days.
00:08:05
And I've been his roommate, right?
00:08:07
Because the boys live there and they're in their own homes, but daddy's there by himself now.
00:08:11
And so, I've been his roommate 'cause I didn't have any more stay, but there.
00:08:15
- Right, right.
00:08:16
- And what I've just seen is, you know, when you get married and that whole thing about becoming one flesh, that's a real deal.
00:08:23
And when that person is gone, it's your ripped-in-half.
00:08:27
- You are.
00:08:28
- You're literally ripped-in-half.
00:08:30
And so, no one, no one can feel that unless you've been, unless it's your spouse.
00:08:35
And so, and they were married 53 years.
00:08:37
- 53 years.
00:08:38
So, taking a minute to really acknowledge that, hey, it's not the same.
00:08:43
It's not the same.
00:08:44
Even the pain that's crushing for me is not the same as my dad's.
00:08:49
It's just not the same.
00:08:51
But on that note, if you're not the spouse or the child, your loss is not greater than.
00:09:00
It isn't.
00:09:02
It's not.
00:09:03
And so, don't grieve in front of these people as if it is because it's not.
00:09:08
And I saw some things that I felt like, wait a minute, aren't you supposed to be consoling me?
00:09:16
Like, I think I'm the one that lost my mother.
00:09:18
I think, aren't you supposed to console my dad?
00:09:20
He's the one that lost the love of his life, his soulmate.
00:09:23
Why am I, I'm sitting here consoling you and it feels very weird and wrong.
00:09:31
So, remember when I told you and my dad died, I didn't tell any of you guys for nine days.
00:09:35
I had that all to myself.
00:09:36
And remember, I said, I didn't want to have to make other people feel better.
00:09:40
And you kind of were like, what are you talking about?
00:09:42
And now you understand it is because it's like you, but you don't want to take that away from them because they're hurting.
00:09:48
But myself, you're thinking, oh my goodness.
00:09:51
But it was, it was, it was hard.
00:09:52
It was difficult.
00:09:53
And I realized in that moment, I was telling John, you know, like, like if one of them, I felt like if care passed away, got, you know, God forbid.
00:10:00
But if care passed away, as much as I would grieve her, right?
00:10:04
It would not ever compare to Scott's grief or Shelby or any of that.
00:10:09
Like it wouldn't compare at all.
00:10:10
It would not.
00:10:11
And so for me to behave in a way that my grief was more than would be completely wrong and unacceptable.
00:10:20
And so I, it was a very good lesson for me to watch that because there have been moments of that.
00:10:27
And you're like, what?
00:10:29
What's happening here?
00:10:31
So it was, it was a lesson for me to check myself, you know, like if you feel that kind of grief, grief privately, you know, don't, and I'm,
00:10:41
and I'm just sharing this.
00:10:42
I hope our listeners are listening to this.
00:10:44
If you're a ball and a blubbering, you want me to give you something to write about?
00:10:46
That's right.
00:10:47
If I'm bawling and blubbering, and it's not my spouse or my parent or my child, then you don't have this.
00:10:54
You don't get the, you don't get that.
00:10:57
It's not, it's not yours to do that.
00:10:59
So anyway, I just, I had to get that off my chest.
00:11:02
Everyone, let's go differently.
00:11:04
They do.
00:11:05
Absolutely.
00:11:05
And, you know, how my dad let's go, you know, the way things went down with my mother, I knew she was gone.
00:11:14
I'm in the room.
00:11:16
Right.
00:11:18
I saw them try to resuscitate her over and over and over again.
00:11:21
I saw them chest compress my mother and check pulse every two minutes and they're not be a pulse.
00:11:28
I knew I could see she was already gone.
00:11:32
My dad could not let go.
00:11:34
Right.
00:11:35
Right.
00:11:36
And he hadn't let go of the funeral either.
00:11:38
What he said to me.
00:11:39
Well, I don't know, he has, he is completely a piece.
00:11:43
Okay.
00:11:44
My dad is completely a piece, but he, he loved her and grieved her, right?
00:11:49
But he could not like her go in that room and, I mean, it was like process and I'm like, daddy, you know, she's gone.
00:11:59
And he's like, no, you know, he wanted her to come back.
00:12:03
And I get that now.
00:12:05
Like I understand like while I couldn't do that, it's the, he, she was not my spouse.
00:12:13
That's right.
00:12:14
And so I get it.
00:12:15
And so anyway, everyone, let's go differently.
00:12:18
I need to be more mindful of the needs of others.
00:12:21
And step up to the plate when my family needs me.
00:12:25
And I saw that displayed from all of my extended family.
00:12:30
They brought over the night of visitation.
00:12:33
We didn't have to do anything, right?
00:12:35
They brought cookies and charcuterie boards and lasagna and salads and drinks and all the desserts and all the things.
00:12:47
We didn't have to do anything.
00:12:48
I recognize in that moment how little I step up to the plate in those situations.
00:12:54
But I don't, I don't think you're right there because I know when Genie's sister died, Genie's mom died, you were there making food, getting things and taking stuff to it.
00:13:03
So you did step up for that.
00:13:05
Yeah.
00:13:06
You were there for the support for it.
00:13:07
You were the behind the scene thing, sending me things saying, hey, you know, you might just want to know.
00:13:10
Yeah.
00:13:11
This is what happened.
00:13:12
I mean, I guess maybe I don't step up to it.
00:13:14
You do.
00:13:15
I just feel like maybe I need to be more, I felt in the moment like we literally didn't have to do anything.
00:13:23
What's it?
00:13:24
That's how Genie felt also with us.
00:13:25
I guess that's true.
00:13:26
It's that now you're on the, you know, I always say, you know, I'm on the end of this.
00:13:28
I'm on the end of this.
00:13:29
I'm on the end of this.
00:13:30
I'm on the end of this.
00:13:31
I'm on the end of this.
00:13:32
Yes.
00:13:33
Now you've seen from the others.
00:13:34
I have.
00:13:35
What you've done for other people, but you don't realize how I'm happy.
00:13:36
I'm like, oh my gosh, it was so, it was lovely because I, I literally, we, I say we didn't have to do it.
00:13:42
I'm like, clean that house.
00:13:44
My brother's clean that house.
00:13:46
I mean, the three, a lot of people don't have siblings, sibling relationships like I have and I'm just blessed.
00:13:53
Right.
00:13:54
Because I think there's a lot of people that have strife in their families with siblings.
00:13:59
But my brothers and I are as aligned and tight as you can possibly be.
00:14:04
We love each other deeply.
00:14:05
We don't, you know, I'm taking, oh, you know, this is this or that or, you know, my brother, we are, we pull together and I saw that play out all week.
00:14:16
Right.
00:14:17
We all were playing our part, you know, everybody had a strength.
00:14:21
My sister-in-law and my brother's girlfriend and all the things that everybody did to just pull together.
00:14:27
Right.
00:14:28
There was no bickering.
00:14:29
There was no, this is mine or, you know, it just was so good.
00:14:33
I, my other lesson, God is good.
00:14:36
God is good and even if you're in loss, in pain, in tragedy, he is good because when I get to step back and look at what happened, my mother was in so much pain.
00:14:48
She had no quality of life.
00:14:49
Right.
00:14:50
My daddy was, he's literally crippled from taking care of her for the last several, you know, the last several months have been brutal.
00:15:00
And, you know, and the Bible says, you God won't put it more on you than you can handle.
00:15:04
And I really believe that now that I see what's played out because I think they were at the end.
00:15:10
Right.
00:15:11
Right.
00:15:12
My mom literally, she was waking my dad up every hour almost like, you know, nobody can function that way.
00:15:19
But anyway, but my mom didn't die.
00:15:21
She beat us all to heaven and that's it, we'll get there later.
00:15:25
And that's how I feel about it.
00:15:26
Like, I, she's not here anymore but she's in heaven.
00:15:30
She's just gone to another place and, and I'm super at peace with that.
00:15:36
Also, here's my 9 plus 10, I'm almost done.
00:15:39
A hug and your presence is all it's needed, really, words are futile, sometimes words are not what you really mean to say.
00:15:48
So sometimes it's just okay just to give a hug and be there, right?
00:15:51
You don't have to have all the things, the right words to say or the things to just, sometimes it's just okay just to hug and be there.
00:15:59
And my final people are good.
00:16:01
People are so good.
00:16:02
And when you ever start doubting humanity, go to a funeral.
00:16:06
Like I have in the past, go to a funeral or be around people who are being loved on from someone who's been, who's, you know, lost their, it's,
00:16:17
I saw humanity so different over the last several days and recognize like, oh my gosh, there are so many good people.
00:16:27
And people are good.
00:16:30
People have good intentions.
00:16:32
Sometimes they screw up, right?
00:16:34
We all know that.
00:16:35
We'll know that.
00:16:36
But at the end of the day, people are so good and, you know, like my mom and I, our relationship was rocky, right?
00:16:42
We all know.
00:16:43
I mean, that's the thing.
00:16:44
We know that.
00:16:45
But at the end of the day, my mom, she loved me deeply.
00:16:51
She loved you the best way she could.
00:16:53
She loved me.
00:16:57
My brothers, my family, she loved all of us very deeply.
00:16:59
She had ways of showing things that maybe I wouldn't have been that way.
00:17:04
But my mom at the end of the day, she loved me deeply.
00:17:07
I loved my mom deeply.
00:17:09
And do I wish I could have some time back with her, of course.
00:17:13
But I think even if I had the perfect relationship with her, I would want time back, right?
00:17:19
So it wouldn't be like, it's a saying, everyone wants that extra two minutes, right?
00:17:26
Yes, it would be true.
00:17:27
I didn't get that.
00:17:30
But I also know, like, it was really, it was really cool because, you know, my mom and I were not talking.
00:17:36
Right.
00:17:37
In the last month and for numerous reasons.
00:17:40
But I still knew she loved me.
00:17:42
She just didn't know how to communicate with me.
00:17:45
Right.
00:17:46
And I struggled with her.
00:17:47
Right.
00:17:48
And my niece, she was over there a couple of weeks before my mom passed and she said, hey, I just wanted you to know, like I was over there.
00:17:58
And solid 15 minutes, she did nothing but talk about you, right?
00:18:03
And I said, well, what's the positive?
00:18:09
But she said it was so positive.
00:18:11
She loves you so much.
00:18:12
And she recognized when we were talking, she said, I know we just, we just can't communicate.
00:18:18
Okay.
00:18:19
Well, but at the end of the day, she said how much she loved me and that she knew I loved her.
00:18:25
Right.
00:18:26
And so that gave me a huge sense of peace to know that that happened that she and and thank you to my niece or Kenna for sharing that with me.
00:18:33
Absolutely.
00:18:34
But you know, like, you know, it's so funny because her, it's not funny, but her mom passed away.
00:18:41
Right.
00:18:42
And that was very unexpected, very unexpectedly.
00:18:45
And her mom was younger than me, right?
00:18:48
And her grandmother had passed away just a month before that.
00:18:51
And then her aunt Connie had passed away.
00:18:53
I mean, within the last year, she has had so much loss, right?
00:18:57
And I remember being at her mom's funeral and thinking, Kenna, you're not like, you don't seem emotional at all.
00:19:04
And what I recognize, she's had so much loss.
00:19:07
She doesn't know how to, I mean, she's so numb, right?
00:19:11
And I'm like, I've got to step up and be the aunt for her, like in these times where, you know, it might be like, it's wrong with her, you know, she's numb.
00:19:21
I mean, I think if you have that much loss and she had reached out to me if you, you know, she's like, she's like, Aunt Leslie, do you, you talked about going to therapy at one point?
00:19:31
It was that helpful for you.
00:19:32
And I'm like, McKinna Honey, you need therapy.
00:19:35
Absolutely.
00:19:36
Like, please do not, you don't need, you want to do it.
00:19:38
You need it.
00:19:39
And you want to.
00:19:40
Like, and you will feel so much better being able to talk to somebody and talk through that because that's a, that's a lot for anybody.
00:19:49
And she just had a baby, right?
00:19:51
I mean, her mother never got to meet her grandchild.
00:19:54
I mean, there's so much.
00:19:56
That's a lot to process for a girl that's in her early 20s, right?
00:20:00
Right.
00:20:01
She's younger than Julia.
00:20:02
And so I'm just like, anyway, people are good.
00:20:07
God is good.
00:20:10
And we don't do a good job teaching people how to mourn.
00:20:14
No.
00:20:15
And, you know, I mean, the Jewish religion does, I mean, you know, we have actual set times and things that you do and there's instructions on what to do.
00:20:24
And, but in a whole, it's just like, there isn't.
00:20:28
It's like, you know, the Lord give it and the Lord take it the way.
00:20:30
Right.
00:20:31
I told my mom.
00:20:32
I said, you ever say that to me when I'm in love with one's diet?
00:20:33
I'm going to thump you in the head because I just, that is not comfort.
00:20:36
I mean, it's not comfort.
00:20:38
It's not.
00:20:39
But my mom's generation, that is to her.
00:20:42
That's a huge shirt.
00:20:43
And that's the, that goes back to every, everyone, let's go differently, right?
00:20:48
You have like, you have your traditions and your processes, your mom has a different one.
00:20:55
Right.
00:20:56
I have a different one.
00:20:57
Right.
00:20:58
And all of that is so okay.
00:20:59
Right.
00:21:00
Right.
00:21:01
And you have to recognize that.
00:21:02
You do.
00:21:03
I'm now, since I'm back in in Tulsa, I'm away from it.
00:21:06
Right.
00:21:07
And so it's easier for me, right?
00:21:09
It's going to be easier for me.
00:21:11
I'm going to have my moments.
00:21:12
You will.
00:21:13
I mean, for sure.
00:21:14
But it's going to be easier for me than it is for my brothers.
00:21:16
Right.
00:21:17
They're right there in the middle of, they, wherever they drive, they see something, right?
00:21:21
Right.
00:21:22
Where I don't have that same experience.
00:21:23
My mom's only been to my house, you know, once, since we've lived in this house.
00:21:26
Right.
00:21:27
So I don't have all of that stuff that they're going to have.
00:21:31
So I'm going, it's going to be different for me.
00:21:32
It will be.
00:21:33
And I have to recognize that and remind myself of that.
00:21:36
Right.
00:21:37
But at the end of the day, oh my gosh, people are just so good.
00:21:43
And the other thing is, is that when someone dies, all the horrible things that we thought of them, we don't think about that stuff anymore.
00:21:49
We think it's good stuff.
00:21:50
No, it's like you get amnesia to the crap.
00:21:53
But you know what?
00:21:54
That's so good.
00:21:55
It's really good.
00:21:56
I was actually talking to Logan, my son, about that today.
00:21:58
I said, all I have prayed is that God, please just take all the bad memories about my mom and my relationship, take those away and replace them with all those good ones because when it was good,
00:22:09
Rochelle, it was really good.
00:22:11
Like it really good.
00:22:12
We had fun.
00:22:13
My mom and I shopped together.
00:22:14
Oh, we, dad and I and the boys went into Hobby Lobby to get some stuff for the funeral.
00:22:20
And I couldn't walk in the door and I just burst into tears because I can't tell you how many times my mom and I shopped at Hobby Lobby.
00:22:27
She loved Hobby Lobby a little too much.
00:22:30
A little too much.
00:22:31
Yeah.
00:22:32
My dad would say, my dad calls it The Groey's all over the house, which is the other word for silk flowers.
00:22:38
You know, that my mom just loved what you could tell her in the pictures of when you guys did the green thing.
00:22:45
It's like, I wonder who dusts all the silk flowers.
00:22:48
No.
00:22:49
Yeah.
00:22:50
It's like a lot of silk flowers or the Groey's, every, every, every archery, every went, every doorway, everything that had a counter that had a whole leg on it.
00:23:00
She had Groey's everywhere.
00:23:02
And it's just, you know, I couldn't walk in Hobby Lobby without bursting it because I, I mean, that's what we did.
00:23:10
Right.
00:23:11
I won't ever walk into an antique store and not think of my mother, right?
00:23:14
Because she loved that stuff.
00:23:16
And so anyway, it's just all, I don't know, it's all coming full circle.
00:23:23
My dad's doing really well.
00:23:25
When I say he's at peace, he's super at peace and it's funny, I kind of warned you like at church because I'm like, listen, I need you to be just brace yourself because my daddy,
00:23:37
you know, church is his everything.
00:23:41
He's a Sunday school teacher and he teaches the, the older class.
00:23:47
And we had, while I was spending time with him, he's so, he's really proud of his lessons that he teaches.
00:23:54
And he, and I was going through some of that stuff with him and we had some good conversations.
00:23:58
But that church is his everything.
00:24:01
And so I was like, Rochelle, just brace yourself a little bit because he might hoop and hauler.
00:24:07
And that's just the way it is.
00:24:09
Like that's his thing.
00:24:10
That's how he feels it and you let it.
00:24:12
But I did warn him.
00:24:13
I'm like, daddy, I'm going to sing.
00:24:15
Yeah.
00:24:16
And I need you to not do that in the moment my song because I need to keep it together.
00:24:20
I want to honor her the right way.
00:24:22
And if you do that, I'll burst into tears.
00:24:24
So please don't do that.
00:24:25
He's like, can I do it after you're done?
00:24:27
And I said, yes, you may.
00:24:30
Just don't do it during my, during my song.
00:24:31
You know, I will tell you Leslie, without a doubt, that was the most beautiful tribute I have ever seen in me one, give to a parent.
00:24:39
Really?
00:24:40
Your song.
00:24:41
It anger made me, all right.
00:24:43
I mean, well, it's going to make me cry.
00:24:45
It was so beautiful.
00:24:47
And I heard your practice.
00:24:48
Yeah.
00:24:49
And the practice was so good.
00:24:51
When everybody else was there for the funeral, when it mattered, a million times better.
00:24:56
Thank you.
00:24:57
It was the most, it was just absolutely the most beautiful thing.
00:25:01
Very beautiful.
00:25:02
It was good.
00:25:03
And the service was great.
00:25:04
The minister knew your family very, very well.
00:25:06
Oh, yeah.
00:25:07
That's what, it doesn't make it so much better, Rochelle.
00:25:10
He was so broken up over it.
00:25:11
Oh, yeah.
00:25:12
And he was apologizing that, you know, I'm sorry, I just, he fell to that, that death so much.
00:25:19
But then he was so hopeful with it.
00:25:21
But what everybody else did and what all the other things were, was nothing could be.
00:25:25
You did so proud of her mother.
00:25:28
It was just, it was just the most amazing outpouring of love that.
00:25:35
And in especially since I know what has been going on for the last couple of months, you would have never known any of that was there from that way, that trip that you gave her.
00:25:43
So, yeah, she bravo, my friend.
00:25:46
Well, thank you.
00:25:48
She, she absolutely deserved it.
00:25:51
And you know, it's funny, I was talking to Carol later, I was like, in the middle, after I sat down, after singing, it hit me that, like none of my friends have ever heard me sing.
00:26:03
Like, not like that.
00:26:04
Not like that.
00:26:05
No.
00:26:06
Like you, like I'll sing like, I'll be doing a little fitting like, you're a good too.
00:26:10
Right.
00:26:11
Right.
00:26:12
No, I was like driving over here and thinking, Leslie needs to go on the voice.
00:26:15
And then I think, okay, now she does the voice now.
00:26:18
Can she take the podcast up with her?
00:26:20
We would, oh my gosh.
00:26:22
Or do we have to record that?
00:26:23
That's hilarious.
00:26:24
You just did?
00:26:25
No, honestly, it was that.
00:26:26
I was like, I was just, I mean, I was like, no, it's not funny at all.
00:26:31
It was, it was so moving and so beautiful.
00:26:35
It's kind of like when you listen to an opera and it's in a foreign language and you don't know the language, but you feel like, oh my gosh, yeah.
00:26:44
That's how your song was yesterday.
00:26:45
Thank you.
00:26:46
And it was every single word that came out of your mouth.
00:26:51
It was just beautiful.
00:26:52
Thank you.
00:26:53
It was just, it was just such a tribute to your mom.
00:26:57
Thank you.
00:26:58
I appreciate that.
00:26:59
No, so glad it was.
00:27:00
It was.
00:27:01
It was.
00:27:02
I was talking to Carol last night and she called to check on me and she's like, okay, I need you to know that I'm just telling you right now that you're singing at my funeral and I need you to sing that song at my funeral.
00:27:16
And I said, Cara, if I'm still here and I'm not so old that I can, like I can still carry up tune in a bucket, I will for sure do that.
00:27:25
And she said, did you know, like, that's my favorite, like, she said, I was just going to the cover to get a mug for my tea and her mug says it is well with my soul on it.
00:27:38
And she's like, do you know the story behind it is well with my soul?
00:27:42
And I said, I do not.
00:27:43
I do not.
00:27:44
So we need to talk about it.
00:27:45
Okay.
00:27:46
It's so good.
00:27:47
All right.
00:27:48
So she was sharing with me and she's like, I need you to Google it.
00:27:51
And so I did Google it and here's the history of it as well with my soul, which I did not know.
00:27:59
But it's also known as when peace like a river, but it is, it is well with my soul.
00:28:03
But it was written by Horatio Spafford and composed by Philip Bliss.
00:28:10
And it was in 18, 1876, but it was written after the traumatic events in Spafford's life.
00:28:20
Okay.
00:28:21
The first was the great Chicago fire and it ruined him financially.
00:28:25
It ruined him.
00:28:27
He was a successful lawyer.
00:28:29
He had invested in property in the area of Chicago.
00:28:33
And that fire was extensively damaged, all the things that he had invested in.
00:28:40
So then his business interests were further hit by the economic downturn of 1873.
00:28:47
So he had planned to travel to England with his family to help with some evangelistic campaigns.
00:28:58
And in a late change of plan, he sent the family ahead while he was delayed on some business, concerning zoning problems from the great Chicago fire.
00:29:08
And while crossing the Atlantic Ocean, the ship that carried his family, it sank.
00:29:17
And all four of his daughters died.
00:29:21
And so, but his wife survived, his wife Anna survived.
00:29:25
And so after that, he traveled there to meet his grieving wife.
00:29:30
And that's where he ended up writing, it is well with my soul.
00:29:34
And I'm just like, only someone who had experienced great tragedy and grief could write that song.
00:29:43
Right.
00:29:44
And it was just perfect.
00:29:45
Yeah, it was.
00:29:46
Because we've had so much tragedy and grief in this.
00:29:48
And so I'm just, Karen told me you've got to read the story of that song and where it came from.
00:29:55
And anyway, right.
00:29:56
And so I'm, anyway, I'm at, I'm, I have a lot of peace.
00:30:00
I will grieve you will deeply, but, um, but today I'm just, I'm okay.
00:30:07
And I'm okay.
00:30:08
I'm okay.
00:30:09
And you know, that's how I told you know, I was really okay with my dad stuff.
00:30:13
I'd gone for so long with it.
00:30:14
Yeah.
00:30:15
And you and I are in the same situation that we don't live in the same town.
00:30:18
Our parents lived in.
00:30:19
Right.
00:30:20
And we haven't lived there for a long time.
00:30:21
So seeing my, my dad, you know, I'd seen five or six times a year.
00:30:24
That's probably where we were seeing your mom.
00:30:26
Yeah.
00:30:27
So going for long periods of not seeing him wasn't strange to me.
00:30:30
Right.
00:30:31
But when I was in Arizona last time and I went into my bedroom and I laid in bed and I looked up and there was a photo of my dad there.
00:30:38
Yeah.
00:30:39
It just really hit me that I do not see him in this house.
00:30:44
Right.
00:30:45
And I don't miss him in Oklahoma because he's been in my house one time.
00:30:47
Right.
00:30:48
Same your house one time.
00:30:49
Yeah.
00:30:50
So there are not those memories.
00:30:51
Right.
00:30:52
But other things, you know, we're driving through and we start making jokes about things that my mom and dad would say this and they're like, Oh, you know, oh, yeah.
00:30:57
You see that building right there?
00:30:58
They had to put a porta potty there because they were peeing off the top of it at the water.
00:31:03
And it didn't matter.
00:31:04
I mean, 35 years every time we drove by that from the airport, my dad would tell me the same story.
00:31:09
Yeah.
00:31:10
And so you just, but you know, you don't remember the things that they did that were icky.
00:31:14
No, they're really good stuff.
00:31:16
Yes.
00:31:17
And you know, a lot of funny things.
00:31:19
Yeah.
00:31:20
We honor our parents in their death by living a wonderful life after they're gone.
00:31:26
For sure.
00:31:27
That's how we honor them.
00:31:28
For sure.
00:31:29
And that's how we honor our spouses.
00:31:30
They do not want us to mourn and to say, My life is over because you are gone.
00:31:35
Right.
00:31:36
That's not the case.
00:31:37
No.
00:31:38
They would never want they.
00:31:39
They want you to go on with another life.
00:31:40
And it's a different life.
00:31:41
Yes.
00:31:42
But they want joy in your life.
00:31:43
For sure.
00:31:44
And that's a harder thing I know that, you know, my mom, because you know, they're married for 73 years.
00:31:49
Oh, yeah.
00:31:50
And she'll say different things like, you know, I was cleaning the bathroom.
00:31:54
And she said, My goodness, it's so much easier to clean a bathroom now without having a man in here.
00:31:59
And, you know, a few months ago, she would be in the bathroom cleaning the bathroom and she'd be crying because she missed my dad.
00:32:06
Of course.
00:32:07
And it's like, I don't miss having to clean pee up all of a sudden.
00:32:10
Exactly.
00:32:11
It's a different.
00:32:12
It is.
00:32:13
It is.
00:32:14
It's a completely different thing, but I have to tell you, you know, even through some of my dark days with my mom, and then we would work things out, you know, and talk.
00:32:25
Right.
00:32:26
She told me that when we weren't speaking, right?
00:32:31
She just needed to hear my voice.
00:32:32
Right.
00:32:33
And she listened to our podcast every week.
00:32:34
Oh.
00:32:35
That's really nice.
00:32:37
So that's how she could stay connected to me, even when we voiced when we couldn't communicate.
00:32:43
So she wanted to hear my voice and I said, you know, it's funny.
00:32:47
She didn't know, but I needed to hear her voice.
00:32:49
So I would listen to her old voice mails.
00:32:51
I've got them all on my phone.
00:32:52
Right.
00:32:53
So it's just because you have strained relationships, doesn't mean that the love's not there.
00:32:57
That's right.
00:32:58
It's just you not know how to communicate at that point of time.
00:33:00
Right.
00:33:01
Right.
00:33:02
You know, we've always said that we didn't realize how much our podcast did for other people.
00:33:07
Right.
00:33:08
We didn't realize how much it was doing for you right now.
00:33:10
Right.
00:33:11
Knowing that.
00:33:12
We don't know.
00:33:13
We just don't know because that's only connection she had to be at that time.
00:33:17
Right.
00:33:18
You know, it's so, anyway, I'm just and she would get to hear you laugh and do silly things and that probably made her think, yes, yes, my daughter is well.
00:33:27
Yeah.
00:33:28
This is good.
00:33:29
And she just needed to hear me and anyway, it's all, it's all good.
00:33:34
I know that we've taken up like so much time talking about my, my little world here.
00:33:38
You know, half this podcast, but you know what?
00:33:41
She deserved it.
00:33:42
What else?
00:33:43
Everybody else out there is going to have a parent that's going to die or has already died.
00:33:47
Yes.
00:33:48
And they're going to understand what you feeling as you're feeling this and how you're, how you're, how you're managing.
00:33:52
Yeah.
00:33:53
And how I manage it.
00:33:54
Right.
00:33:55
Because that's, well, that's what we always say.
00:33:56
We talk life.
00:33:57
Yeah.
00:33:58
And that's, that's the law.
00:33:59
Well, and it's so bizarre because it's just a cup.
00:34:00
Oh, it was last week, early last week.
00:34:03
Genie now we're talking and you know, Genie lost her mother, right?
00:34:06
This is her first mother's day without her mother, right?
00:34:09
And I had made a comment back to her that, you know, this will be, this will be my first mother's day without like really, I feel like I'm grieving my mother who's alive.
00:34:18
Right.
00:34:19
Right.
00:34:20
This was last week.
00:34:21
It was last week.
00:34:22
And remember last week when we recorded, we had this discussion of how are we going to handle Mother's Day?
00:34:28
Yeah.
00:34:29
Knowing what the situation is.
00:34:30
Yeah.
00:34:31
Because I said, I can't, I can't talk about Mother's Day because, you know, my mom and are not in a great place.
00:34:39
And so you were very gracious and you're like, you know what?
00:34:41
We're not going to talk about Mother's Day because that's going to put you in a bad situation and make you feel uncomfortable and we don't want to make each other feel uncomfortable.
00:34:50
And here we are getting to talk Mother's Day anyway.
00:34:53
She got me.
00:34:54
She did.
00:34:55
She got me.
00:34:56
She's like, she's like, oh, you, you were going to talk about me on Mother's Day.
00:35:00
Oh, no, no, no, no, no sister.
00:35:02
And now we're getting her because this will actually air the week after Mother's Day.
00:35:06
So we're going to.
00:35:07
I don't know.
00:35:08
Maybe we go.
00:35:09
Maybe we go with this one.
00:35:10
Okay.
00:35:11
If you want to, I say we do.
00:35:12
Let's, let's, you know, with this one, my Mother's Day wish for my mom is that I will actually be in Arizona.
00:35:18
You will.
00:35:19
So I am flying to Arizona tomorrow.
00:35:21
And I need you to make it the most lovely Mother's Day ever.
00:35:24
And cherish it 100%.
00:35:26
And it's my daughter's birthday.
00:35:27
So happy birthday, Lina.
00:35:28
You're doing, and because her birthday is May 12th, you know, and so the plan is is that, you know, my sister also lives in Arizona.
00:35:36
And so she's going to want to spend some time with my mom on Mother's Day.
00:35:40
So we're splitting Mother's Day and Roxanne gets my mother in the morning.
00:35:44
Yeah.
00:35:45
And then we get her at six o'clock in the evening to do dinner with us because since it's Lina's birthday and it's Mother's Day for me, I'm also a mother's, yeah, my, my birthday present.
00:35:56
Yeah.
00:35:57
So we're doing a woodworking class and we're making, we're using lay the wood to make rings.
00:36:03
And we've got this whole craft adventure planned for the weekend that I'm there.
00:36:09
And then I'm staying at my mom's and we're just going to hang out and laugh and giggle and carry on.
00:36:13
Oh my gosh.
00:36:14
Love it.
00:36:15
You know, like I said, you know, I'm the person I am because of my mother.
00:36:16
Yep.
00:36:17
And you know, sometimes the things that I see that I start doing are things that have driven me crazy for years that she's done.
00:36:24
And now I'm doing it.
00:36:28
And I was putting lipstick on in my car.
00:36:31
Oh my gosh.
00:36:32
And I said, stop sign.
00:36:33
I put my lipstick on, you know, it's bright red and my mother always wore bright red lipstick.
00:36:37
And the thing is she would always do and she still does it to this day wear bright lipstick.
00:36:42
But she said, don't take a picture with me.
00:36:43
Let me get my lipstick on it as a kid.
00:36:44
We're just like, Oh, mom.
00:36:46
And what do we hear?
00:36:47
Oh, that's all we did.
00:36:49
Oh, we're all, we're all this way.
00:36:52
You, you're like, where's I got it?
00:36:53
I'm on my lips.
00:36:54
I'm on my lips on.
00:36:55
And, you know, Kara and Jean, you're the same way, I don't know that I've ever focused on it.
00:37:01
I mean, maybe I should focus on it more.
00:37:02
No, you do when we go to take photos because I ask you and you'll say, oh, do I, I'll say do I have lips on?
00:37:07
No.
00:37:08
No.
00:37:09
So, you know, those are the kinds of things that, you know, are kind of fun to go with it there.
00:37:14
It is fun.
00:37:15
And you need to enjoy it and brace it, make lots of good memories.
00:37:20
Yep.
00:37:21
You never just, you were not promised tomorrow.
00:37:24
We are not talking.
00:37:25
You know, but before the, you know, last week, the beginning of last week started out really good for us.
00:37:30
Mm-hmm.
00:37:31
I mean, we got to record with Ms.
00:37:33
Wilson.
00:37:33
Ms.
00:37:33
Wilson.
00:37:34
Well, first of all, we-- Oh, and, yeah.
00:37:36
You know, she's out of Australia and she's the Fussy Cutters.
00:37:38
And she's hilarious.
00:37:39
She is.
00:37:40
And she is so funny.
00:37:41
We were able to watch her as we were doing it.
00:37:43
And she's laughing.
00:37:44
She's just bent over laughing hysterically at us.
00:37:47
She's darling.
00:37:48
And we went ahead, and the next day, we recorded with the Little Green Bee.
00:37:52
Yep.
00:37:53
Yep.
00:37:54
And-- And that was so fun.
00:37:56
And seeing the back of her stuff and looking at the fabric and same thing with, you know, with Anne, just looking at what we were looking at and how much fun we were having in that kind of a community.
00:38:06
Oh.
00:38:07
That was just-- Oh, yeah.
00:38:09
We got off that.
00:38:10
We were just on this supermajor high.
00:38:11
And then the next day, you send us a text that, you know, you're on your way to pray for your mom.
00:38:16
Yeah.
00:38:17
She's really super high to the super lows.
00:38:20
And now we're kind of at a medium of the wall.
00:38:22
I'm kind of like-- The wall.
00:38:24
I'm kind of-- I'm up above the water.
00:38:26
Yeah.
00:38:27
You want to mean?
00:38:28
Yep.
00:38:29
Like I felt like I was under the water surface for the last few days, and now I'm like coming up out of it.
00:38:34
And it is easier.
00:38:35
But it's so interesting.
00:38:36
I have to tell you this is so crazy.
00:38:38
So I don't know if you believe in this stuff.
00:38:40
You probably do.
00:38:41
I don't know.
00:38:43
Over the years.
00:38:44
So when I was a kid, before I was six years old, my grandfather passed away.
00:38:49
My mom's dad.
00:38:50
Okay.
00:38:51
She was very young to lose her dad.
00:38:52
He was only 62.
00:38:54
Okay.
00:38:55
So he was young.
00:38:58
When I was a kid, I'd be over at their house.
00:39:00
I was at their house all the time.
00:39:02
Right.
00:39:03
Even after he was gone, I was at their house all the time.
00:39:06
But he smoked a pipe.
00:39:07
Okay.
00:39:08
And it's very distinct.
00:39:09
You know, pipe smell is just very distinct.
00:39:11
It is.
00:39:12
And he had a specific type of tobacco.
00:39:14
He smoked cherry tobacco.
00:39:16
And I always remember that smell.
00:39:20
And then even when I was at my grandma's house after he was gone, I would smell it.
00:39:24
Absolutely.
00:39:25
You know, I could smell it.
00:39:26
It's him.
00:39:27
And but over the years, it'll happen ever so often.
00:39:31
And I'll be honest, like maybe once or twice a year, I'll be driving somewhere.
00:39:37
And I'm always away.
00:39:40
And this happens.
00:39:41
There's no one else around.
00:39:42
Right.
00:39:43
So it's not coming from anywhere else.
00:39:44
Right.
00:39:45
I'll be in my car.
00:39:46
Right.
00:39:47
And I will smell cherry tobacco.
00:39:48
Right.
00:39:49
And I'm like, Papa, you're here.
00:39:52
Like I always, I'm like, I sense you and I smell, I smell you.
00:39:56
Right.
00:39:57
And so I'll always stop and go, Hi, Papa, you know, because I know he's, I just feel he's there.
00:40:03
Right.
00:40:04
And this happens to me all the time with him.
00:40:06
And so I always know he's, he's there.
00:40:08
Right.
00:40:09
And I was sitting on the patio and it was so cool.
00:40:13
The air was so cool and it had nothing like it's been a last several days horrible humidity in the gross.
00:40:19
And, but it was so cool and calm and peaceful and there was no general breeze.
00:40:24
And I was drinking my sparkling water.
00:40:26
He was too and easy and salad.
00:40:28
And I, all of a sudden, had this huge sense of smell come over me of a fresh pot of coffee, actually brewed coffee.
00:40:40
So strong.
00:40:41
Right.
00:40:42
And I said, do you smell that?
00:40:43
He'll smell what?
00:40:44
I said, do you smell coffee?
00:40:46
Like I smell it so intense and he's like, I smell nothing.
00:40:50
Right.
00:40:51
I said, my mom is here.
00:40:53
My mom, anytime we were at their house, you couldn't walk in the house and she'd be like, does anybody want to cup a coffee?
00:40:59
Right.
00:41:00
And she only did that because she wanted a cup of coffee.
00:41:01
Right.
00:41:02
So she would brew a whole cup, she didn't want to say she was bringing a whole pot of coffee just first.
00:41:06
Right.
00:41:07
And she'd be like, is anybody want a cup of coffee?
00:41:09
I want some coffee, is anybody else looking?
00:41:11
I mean, it was all the time.
00:41:12
You couldn't go over there without her doing that.
00:41:14
So she was always brewing coffee.
00:41:17
And I just knew, she'd come to see me saying, I think our senses, give us those things when our subconscious is thinking of someone.
00:41:27
And they're, you know, nibbid, honest, they're, they're poking here.
00:41:31
And are, it's like, okay, now we need to, you know, there's got to be a way that you know.
00:41:35
And you, you believe, I'm, I'm not, energy doesn't go away.
00:41:40
No.
00:41:41
And, and art, you know, because he couldn't smell it.
00:41:43
I could.
00:41:45
And I said, it's so strong right now.
00:41:46
I feel like some, I am sitting, like right next to a pot, it's being brewed.
00:41:50
Absolutely.
00:41:51
That's how strong it is.
00:41:52
Absolutely.
00:41:53
And so, I just took my moment and I said, hi, Mama.
00:41:56
Yep.
00:41:57
I love you.
00:41:58
And I feel you.
00:41:59
Right.
00:42:00
I just knew she was there.
00:42:01
Yep.
00:42:02
So it's so cool.
00:42:03
I'm like, okay.
00:42:04
Coffee for my mother, like, it was, it's cherry tobacco for my pop-all.
00:42:08
Right.
00:42:09
And it's going to be, it's going to be fresh, brewed coffee for my mother.
00:42:12
And it'll be in places like the, there ain't no coffee.
00:42:15
Yeah.
00:42:16
And then even when you go into places that there are coffee, you'll be able to remember.
00:42:18
I'll think of her.
00:42:19
And again, we, we keep the memory of the people that have passed from us alive by speaking stories of them and saying their names.
00:42:26
Yes.
00:42:27
And, and then like I said, we honor them by having a fantastic life.
00:42:31
A fantastic life.
00:42:32
And it's, and it's a better life.
00:42:34
At the fullest.
00:42:35
And you deserve to be happy.
00:42:36
Because I know you had said, I, I, I just don't know if I'm ever going to be happy.
00:42:40
And I said, you know, as gently as I can.
00:42:42
Yes, she will be because that's how you honor her.
00:42:45
I'll be happy watching my dad heal.
00:42:49
Yes.
00:42:50
You know, my dad is already different.
00:42:52
Yes.
00:42:53
I can't really explain it.
00:42:55
Well, he's half of what he was there is gone.
00:42:57
It is.
00:42:58
It's like this, but it's like, you know, when you haven't slept for months, and then you finally get rest.
00:43:07
Right.
00:43:08
Like I've just seen my dad, like kind of come back to life a little bit.
00:43:13
And that has made me feel so good.
00:43:16
He was, you know, he, my dad is so funny because I may have already said this, but we go, we'd be going to doctor's appointments.
00:43:27
I went with him to his doctor's appointments this last few days.
00:43:31
And they'd be like, the nurses are like, oh, this is your daughter and he's like, yes, ma'am.
00:43:36
And I said, I'm his favorite.
00:43:38
I always say, I'm his favorite.
00:43:40
And they say, um, do, does he think your, his favorite like the, and my dad would look right in their eye.
00:43:47
And he said, she is absolutely my favorite.
00:43:50
And I said, see, told you, I, I know I'm his favorite.
00:43:53
That's just the way it is.
00:43:54
They're like, well, are there others?
00:43:55
And I'm like, oh, yeah, there's two boys.
00:43:57
But, but Mama, her favorite was Trent, the baby.
00:44:01
And they're like, well, that poor middle child.
00:44:03
I'm like, oh, yeah, trace the middle child.
00:44:05
He's always going to be like, he's like, you know, but he's the family clown as my dad puts it.
00:44:13
And we call him funkel tray because he's the fun uncle.
00:44:16
So we just say funkel tray.
00:44:18
He's hilarious.
00:44:19
And he has, he, he loves on all the nieces and nephews like with just the fervor of a funkel.
00:44:26
He's the funkel.
00:44:28
So it's good, but it's, it's been kind of fun to, it's kind of fun to watch my dad with all the grand babies.
00:44:34
Right.
00:44:35
They're very good for him.
00:44:36
Yeah.
00:44:37
Now, doses.
00:44:38
Yeah.
00:44:39
Right?
00:44:40
Because kids are so a lot.
00:44:41
But when they're all there together, they kind of go do their own thing, which is kind of fun to watch too, because when, you know, Brooks is my nephew, he's only like three.
00:44:50
He's little, but he doesn't have, he doesn't have the siblings or nieces and nephews or cousins that are that age around all the time.
00:44:59
So he's just full of energy.
00:45:01
And so it's a lot.
00:45:02
And so, but when the, when the cousins are there, they just go all play together.
00:45:06
Right.
00:45:07
And it's all good.
00:45:08
And so I'm like, well, then that just tells me we just got to get the cousins together more.
00:45:13
Right.
00:45:14
And he's so isolated.
00:45:15
Right.
00:45:16
And so I just think, you know, even my son was reaching out today and he's like, we've got to play in a camping trip, like with, with just our family, you know, just our family.
00:45:26
Like, you know, the birchers, the well burns, all of us, like going and let's go camping.
00:45:32
And I just love that my son's thinking that way.
00:45:35
Right.
00:45:36
Right.
00:45:37
Right.
00:45:38
Right.
00:45:39
Right.
00:45:40
You know, it's, oh, we need to get together and we, it's futile.
00:45:41
Right.
00:45:42
Like you say this and then we never do it.
00:45:43
Right.
00:45:44
Right.
00:45:45
Right.
00:45:46
Right.
00:45:47
Right.
00:45:48
And so I love, um, it makes you really realize life is short and you better, you better create the memories while you can.
00:45:54
That's right.
00:45:55
That's very true.
00:45:56
And you know, the other things, they don't matter.
00:45:58
They just don't, it's like, yeah, whatever.
00:46:01
Yeah.
00:46:02
Move on.
00:46:03
Yeah.
00:46:04
You know, even today, like I'm working today, sort of, um, my boss is like, he goes, you know, we're just going to be on this conference call for hours.
00:46:13
I just take a nap.
00:46:14
I was like, oh, I was like, I'm not going to take a nap, but I may just staff camera and listen and come in and out, um, but, um, I think things are just going to be, okay, it's just going to be okay.
00:46:26
You know, you will, and you'll do really, really, really well.
00:46:31
I think it's going to actually be easier for you.
00:46:33
Like I said, because you didn't, you know, then your brothers, right there, you've been away, you know, it's kind of like how it is with me.
00:46:40
I mean, I think my sisters are having a much more difficult time with my dad's death than what I, they're there because they're there.
00:46:49
And, you know, I wasn't.
00:46:51
And so, I mean, they, they have so many other, you know, the US open comes on and all these different things that come up that might, they would take my dad with them and all of those first times of those things not happening were,
00:47:02
you know, just, you know, those kinds of things.
00:47:05
Yeah.
00:47:06
My sister Becky, she's in, I think she's in Peru right now or something, but, you know, she's off for work.
00:47:13
Oh, she is.
00:47:14
Yeah, she's off for work.
00:47:15
So, yeah, yeah, you know, yeah, like on a vacation, you know, she's on work and she's working.
00:47:21
And so, she's back to work.
00:47:22
So.
00:47:23
Is that okay?
00:47:24
No.
00:47:25
I must be because she's back to work.
00:47:27
And so, you know, we're all happy.
00:47:28
Becky's going to do Becky.
00:47:30
She is absolutely going to.
00:47:31
And, you know, she's always the one person we were talking about and we said she is, you know, out of everybody in your family, you know, you kind of look at who's, who's what in the family.
00:47:42
Right.
00:47:43
My eldest brother Rick, we're the bookians.
00:47:45
He's the other time the youngest.
00:47:46
And we're probably the most similar to each other artistically because, you know, he started becoming, well, he's always been a musician, but he didn't become.
00:47:55
That's where, because me and my youngest were the book, were the bookians and were like that.
00:48:01
Right.
00:48:02
He's creative and artistic and, yeah, that's so interesting.
00:48:05
And then my brother Bob, you know, so, so Rick, you know, like I said, when he was in his mid 60s is, mid 50s, early 60s is where he started his band and, you know, now he has this band and things.
00:48:16
And, you know, my brother Bob, he's born a hundred years too late.
00:48:21
I really was.
00:48:22
He should have been that, but he's the one that surprises me the most out of my siblings because he's stealing the nation.
00:48:29
I mean, this man has this garden and he won't sell any of his produce.
00:48:33
But he does like 2,000 pounds of produce out of his garden that he donates to people to come in to get fresh fruits and vegetables.
00:48:42
Oh, my gosh.
00:48:43
I mean, it's crazy.
00:48:44
And then my sister Roxanne, you know, she's, she's can decorate any home to do anything.
00:48:49
She can walk into a room and tell you exactly what you need to do, but she can't quilt.
00:48:53
She doesn't like doing that stuff.
00:48:55
And then Becky is the one that, if you ever need anything in our family, she's the one.
00:49:02
So Mother's Day, Becky always takes care of all the gifts, always takes care of everything.
00:49:06
So what I'm out in Arizona at Easter and everything that's going on with my sister, I said to Roxanne, I said, so Roxanne, I said, you know, one of us is going to have to step up and get a gift for Mom because we never do this.
00:49:18
Becky's always taking care of everything.
00:49:19
Yeah.
00:49:20
You know, we knew she was going to be out of the country.
00:49:21
Oh, yeah.
00:49:22
She does those things before she leaves.
00:49:24
Mm-hmm.
00:49:25
So my sister and I were talking and she said Roxanne said, okay, I've decided that Mom's been using my big blower in the yard and you know, my mom's tiny.
00:49:35
And this blower.
00:49:36
How is she doing that?
00:49:37
That's what we don't know.
00:49:38
How does she not blow away?
00:49:39
Well, that's the thing.
00:49:40
How is she lifting this?
00:49:41
So anyway, Roxanne says, I think for Mother's Day, we should buy her a blower that's a lightweight blower.
00:49:46
And I said, okay, Roxanne, there are two things with this.
00:49:50
Number one, we buy a blower that's not as heavy duty and is not as good as you have.
00:49:55
Grandma's, you know, Mom's going to feel like she was slided.
00:49:57
Yeah.
00:49:58
Actually, she was talking, I was talking to her and I said something about a blower and she goes, well, a few girls think you need to buy me a gift.
00:50:04
Yeah.
00:50:05
Oh, yeah.
00:50:06
If you think you need to buy me a gift, here's what you should buy me.
00:50:09
I want a blower.
00:50:10
Right.
00:50:11
So Roxanne looked at them and Roxanne's intentions are always very good.
00:50:15
There's just not always that follow through.
00:50:17
Mm-hmm.
00:50:18
So I'm like, okay, I'm going to have to send something Amazon-y so that there's something there.
00:50:23
So she calls me and she says, okay, I took it and I found it and I looked it and I've got this and that and I said, okay, but will it be in the proper V-hickle on Mother's Day?
00:50:31
That she could actually give it to Mother.
00:50:33
We're going to get in the follow through.
00:50:35
And we're laughing about this because it's like we've never had to take care of any of this stuff because Becky always says.
00:50:40
And the two of us are like, we don't even know how to start to do this.
00:50:44
Oh my gosh.
00:50:45
It's like, it's crazy.
00:50:46
So it'll be interesting on Sunday to see, but I'm sure Becky's probably already put it together.
00:50:51
So she's getting a blower.
00:50:52
She is?
00:50:53
Okay.
00:50:54
So then I said, Roxanne, well, how much money do I need to send you?
00:50:56
I'm going to go look at it and see and she goes, so I'll just, you know, I'll let you know.
00:50:59
So when she says, I'll let you know means that she's going to get the blower and she's never going to let me know.
00:51:03
Oh.
00:51:04
And, you know, I got a blow-free blower.
00:51:06
I guess.
00:51:07
[laughter]
00:51:08
D-free.
00:51:09
I don't know.
00:51:10
I don't know.
00:51:11
Oh my gosh.
00:51:12
That's hilarious.
00:51:13
Yeah.
00:51:14
Families.
00:51:15
What can you say about him?
00:51:16
Well, I hope that your mother, I need to tell her also.
00:51:18
Thank you so much.
00:51:19
She sent a very sweet card and I was like, Patricia?
00:51:25
Like, I don't know what Patricia, like, and then I was like, oh.
00:51:29
And then she put on the card, Rochelle's mom.
00:51:31
Yeah.
00:51:32
But it was funny.
00:51:33
As soon as I opened, I mean, I could, I knew who it was and then, but she made sure I knew that she was your mom.
00:51:39
She's, you know, she is just the nicest person in it.
00:51:42
You know, it's funny like when you were saying earlier how just a hug and being there, you don't need to say something.
00:51:47
And my mom, you know, you had to live through a lot of it again and again and again and again.
00:51:53
And lots of people on social media were sending me things and I got a hold of our, when you were driving there, I set out to Mary and sharing to all of our other friends outside there to let them know something was going on.
00:52:05
Yeah.
00:52:06
And I said, I'll keep you guys updated on what's going on.
00:52:10
And you know, I just kind of took that because I was like, I can give them all this instead of you being.
00:52:14
Oh, yeah.
00:52:15
And other things.
00:52:17
My mom was the one that she went, I mean, she went through her, her phone book, her little Rolodex and started calling this person, this person, this person, this person, this person.
00:52:26
She didn't have any of us do it.
00:52:27
She did it all herself.
00:52:28
And then she's comforting everybody at the few of she's comforting everybody.
00:52:32
I'm thinking, that's so exhausting.
00:52:34
Oh gosh, right.
00:52:36
Just leave me alone.
00:52:37
So exhausting.
00:52:38
But yeah.
00:52:39
But everyone does things differently.
00:52:41
That's what that's what she wanted to do.
00:52:42
So that's how she did it.
00:52:44
But I just thought it was precious and her little handwriting, you know, it was just so different than mine, isn't it?
00:52:51
Oh, yeah.
00:52:52
Like hers is like a very presiding.
00:52:55
You can tell she took her time to write it.
00:52:58
She just, I don't know, it was darling.
00:52:59
I will cherish that forever.
00:53:01
She's a very, very nice person.
00:53:03
I thought you said, you know, my mom's just probably the nicest person that I know.
00:53:05
She's lovely.
00:53:06
Yeah.
00:53:07
You know, she even comes through that.
00:53:08
So she calls, I need, I need, I need less loose adress.
00:53:15
And I think you can Google it for her.
00:53:17
Yeah.
00:53:18
I can do better than that.
00:53:19
I said, mom, I don't need to Google it.
00:53:20
I drive there once a week.
00:53:21
I said, now I am going to have to Google the zip code because I don't know the zip code.
00:53:23
Yeah.
00:53:24
Yeah.
00:53:25
So she was just, you know, it was very sweet to go to the Google to get your, go to the Google school or the Walmart.
00:53:30
Yeah.
00:53:31
Her, her, her's with the Google.
00:53:32
My gosh.
00:53:33
It's so cute.
00:53:34
I love her.
00:53:35
I love him to death.
00:53:36
That's great.
00:53:37
So I'm really happy that today, that this, this podcast, we've been able to get dedicated to your mom.
00:53:42
Me too.
00:53:43
You know, we really did.
00:53:44
And, you know, tears from both of us.
00:53:46
From both of us.
00:53:47
Yeah.
00:53:48
And that's okay, too, because we love our families.
00:53:49
And when they leave us, we do something up.
00:53:52
So I think this little, how I'm going to end this is just going to be the perfect way.
00:53:56
Okay.
00:53:57
Often when you are, often when you think you're at the end of something, you're at the beginning of something else.
00:54:03
And that's from our buddy, Mr.
00:54:04
Rogers.
00:54:05
Thanks, Mr.
00:54:06
Rogers.
00:54:06
So, until next time, rest in peace, mom.
00:54:15
We thank you so much for listening and look forward to another one.
00:54:19
So until next time, stay inappropriate.
00:54:22
[MUSIC]
00:54:32
