When Desire Feels Hard: Building Intimacy Outside the Bedroom
Description
In this episode, I’m coming to you on the heels of the New Moon in Scorpio and fresh from the deeply transformative SHED Retreat—still riding the emotional and energetic high of what was created there. My scheduled guest didn’t make it, so Spirit made it clear that today needed to be a solo episode, and honestly… I think this conversation wanted to come through.
I start by sharing an exciting announcement: the Not Broken course is officially launching this January, 2026. This 8–9 week live experience is for women who feel disconnected from their sexual desire, struggle to access pleasure for themselves, or simply feel lost inside their own intimacy. It’s a beta round, meaning it will be the lowest energy exchange it will ever be, and I’m calling in founding members who want to co-create this sacred container with me. You can join the waitlist through the link below.
I also share that I am renaming my spiritual guidance sessions to Liberation Wisdom Sessions—a more aligned reflection of my priestess path and the soul-level support these one-on-one sessions offer. These sessions are for anyone needing grounding, clarity, or guidance as you unravel what’s no longer yours and root deeper into your becoming.
From there, I shift into a conversation inspired by so many stories that surfaced during the SHED retreat—stories about relationships, intimacy, disconnection, and the longing to feel seen, held, and understood by a partner. Although I typically speak directly to the individual, today I offer wisdom from years of working with couples and from witnessing the patterns that consistently shape relational intimacy.
I talk about:
- Why so many couples feel like intimacy only happens inside a sexual context
- How emotional intimacy forms the foundation for desire
- Why women often need emotional safety before accessing physical pleasure
- How men are conditioned to seek closeness through sex, not emotional connection
- Daily and weekly practices that build deeper emotional intimacy
- The role of non-sexual touch and why your body needs it
- How 20-second hugs literally rewire your nervous system for safety
- Ways to offer alternate forms of connection when you’re not available for sex
- Reconciling different intimacy needs without shame or pressure
- How to reestablish closeness when the relationship feels like “roommates”
- What it means to advocate for yourself in partnership
- Why pleasure work begins with YOU, not your partner
I also share more about the dynamic of working with couples, and how partner support containers can be added to the Not Broken course or my 1:1 coaching to help bring your new embodiment into the relational space.
And of course, I reflect on the power of community and what unfolded during the SHED retreat—the transformation, the sisterhood, the courage, and the frequency we built together. Next week, Shauna and I will be releasing a full retreat recap on her podcast Life Turned On, which I’ll link below.
I’ll be taking next week off in honor of Thanksgiving here in the U.S., as well as the National Day of Mourning as we honor Indigenous lives lost in the making of this country. After that, I’ll be back with more guests, more wisdom, and more conversations devoted to reclaiming sexuality, desire, and intimacy on your own terms.
If you’re feeling called:
- Join the waitlist for the Not Broken course (January 2026 start)
- Book your Liberation Wisdom session
- Reach out if you and your partner want support at kayla@connectedpleasurecoaching.com
- Support this podcast and leave me a tip!
Other Resources
- Listen to our processing of the SHED Retreat next week and get first access to the waitlist for next years retreat on Shauna's Life Turned On Podcast
Until next time, my loves—take gentle care.

















