“What happens when you start healing, setting boundaries, and no longer playing the same role in someone else’s dysfunction? How do people who once controlled or manipulated you react when they realise they can’t anymore?”

Hello beloveds, and welcome back to Beloved. I’m Cherise Rochelle, and today we’re talking about how certain people may react to your healing.

When you start setting boundaries, valuing yourself, and refusing to be controlled, it shifts the dynamic. The person who once thrived on your compliance may begin to feel threatened. And when control slips away, manipulation often intensifies — sometimes through guilt, sometimes through blame, and sometimes through complete withdrawal.

In this episode, we’ll unpack:

* The subtle and not-so-subtle tactics controlling people use when their control no longer works.

* Why these behaviours happen (the root wounds behind manipulation).

* How to guard your heart without hardening it.

* The biblical perspective on power, control, and release.

1️⃣ When Control Begins to Slip

When someone — like a father or authority figure — realises they can no longer influence your choices, a few common patterns emerge:

* Guilt-tripping – “After all I’ve done for you…”

* Gaslighting – “You’re overreacting, that’s not what happened.”

* Victim-playing – “You’ve changed, you’re so cold now.”

* Withholding affection or support – trying to punish your independence.

* Smear campaigns – spreading half-truths to damage your credibility.

* Abandonment or stonewalling – withdrawing love or contact as a form of punishment.

🎧 Example: “When manipulation fails, many controlling people pivot to blame or abandonment. Their silence or withdrawal isn’t about your worth — it’s about their loss of control.”

These reactions are not indicators that you’re doing something wrong. They’re signs that you’re growing.

2️⃣ Why They Act This Way – The Root Wound

Control is almost always rooted in fear — fear of loss, fear of exposure, fear of inadequacy.

For many father figures, this fear shows up as:

* Insecurity – threatened by your confidence or independence.

* Shame – unable to face their failures as a parent, so they project it.

* Pride – equating authority with worth, so your autonomy feels like rejection.

When manipulation no longer works, they may try to control the narrative instead — rewriting history, shifting blame, or portraying themselves as misunderstood victims.

But beloved, remember: you are not responsible for managing someone else’s discomfort with your growth.

3️⃣ How to Guard Without Hardening

Healing does not mean you have to be cold. It means learning to love with discernment.

Here’s how to stand firm with grace:

* Stay grounded in truth. Journal what happened so gaslighting can’t distort your memory.

* Don’t defend your boundaries endlessly. Boundaries are statements, not debates.

* Respond, don’t react. Let silence be your strength when manipulation tries to provoke.

* Pray for them, but release them. You can love someone and still say, “I will not let you harm me.”

📖 Proverbs 4:23 – “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

Guarding doesn’t mean building walls; it means knowing who and what has earned access.

4️⃣ God’s Perspective on Control

Control is a distortion of love. True love — the kind that comes from God — never coerces or manipulates. It invites.

📖 2 Corinthians 3:17 – “Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”

When we live in God’s love, we don’t need to manipulate or be manipulated. Freedom, not control, becomes the defining feature of healthy connection.

5️⃣ Reflection Questions

* When I began setting boundaries, what changed in how others treated me?

* Which manipulative tactics have I encountered, and how can I respond in truth rather than fear?

* How can I remind myself that peace is not the same as compliance?

💬 Affirmation

“I am no longer available for manipulation. My peace, my growth, and my healing are sacred. I stand firm in truth and release the need to be understood by those committed to misunderstanding me.”

📖 Closing Verse

Romans 12:2 – “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

You are not who you were when control worked on you. You are being renewed — and freedom is the fruit of that renewal.

Thank you for joining me today, beloved. If this episode spoke to your journey, share it with someone who might be walking through a similar season.

And if you’d like to dive deeper, you can subscribe to Beloved on Substack for weekly reflections, journaling prompts, and healing resources.

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Remember: your healing will always disturb the comfort of those who benefited from your brokenness — but that’s not your problem to fix. Keep choosing freedom, truth, and grace.

Until next time, stay rooted in love and never forget — you are beloved. 💛

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