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hotcoldman@hotcoldmail.com

hotcoldman@hotcoldmail.com

Update: 2019-12-02
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Lords this week:





Topics discussed:





Microtopics:




  • False promises about updating a podcast in-place.

  • Finding a creepy lemon hand in the Safeway lying there like a monkey's paw.

  • Finding citrus fruit in the toilet.

  • Finding talking fruit in the toilet.

  • Whether the toilet is a dish or a soup.

  • Accidentally paying $11 for cashew milk.

  • Asking the cashier to remove a weird squash.

  • Distracting the cashier with pictures of missing nuts.

  • The nut abduction clinic.

  • A grape that you have to peel like a shrimp.

  • A grape that is constantly pooping itself.

  • Writing grants for prawn farmers.

  • Draining the entire pond to grab all the prawns.

  • Sound re-use in Super Mario Bros.

  • Tropes that are boring in Japan but still interesting in other cultures.

  • King of the Hill being a relatable honor story about a salaryman.

  • Misutā Supākoru.

  • Imitation concrete pipes that won't roll over and crush you.

  • Being too socially inept to realize you're being excluded.

  • Trying to kill half your friends but only in retrospect.

  • The Goat Simulator stage of baby development.

  • The Goat Simulator stage of game development.

  • Being at the pinnacle of your child body.

  • Realizing halfway through the creative process that you should've been writing a novel.

  • Dying and giving a soliloquy about so dying representative democracy.

  • Having pages of justification for why you're covered with nipples.

  • The story about missing cowboys actually being about North Korea.

  • Not wanting to share your kumquat jokes.

  • Explaining a meme from 2010 to your grandchildren.

  • Sisqo playing a love interest dentist.

  • Replacing the love interest in the sequel.

  • Hangover 2 just having another hangover in it.

  • Making friends with Mexican paramilitary organizations to save the world.

  • Raising your child on a diet of guns and kung fu before the government takes him away.

  • The most woke Shrek movie.

  • Deciding whether you want to hear "All Star" literally all the time.

  • Moving pieces of paper around and not being sure you're making anything better.

  • Being yelled at by your sister to wash potatoes faster.

  • Your yelling sister following you from job to job.

  • A sandwich being well beyond your cognitive load.

  • Ordering a viking at Subway.

  • Eating the devil given physical form every Wednesday for lunch.

  • Writing summoning words in your sandwich order.

  • Thinking of the exact same demon as your guest lord.

  • Writing an entire sentence with no commas at all because commas make you pretentious.

  • Putting a period in your minimalist font because you have to be able to refer to "Dr. Awesome."

  • Agreeing that "UPS" is a one-syllable word.

  • That one Finnish word that Jim still uses regularly.

  • Singing "Finnish Affectation" to the tune of "Wave of Mutilation"

  • Legislature that would force corporations to pay ongoing rent for the space their jingles take up in your brain.

  • Getting scurvy to cure your trench mouth.

  • Trading your oral health for the opportunity to make weird troll games for a living.

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hotcoldman@hotcoldmail.com

hotcoldman@hotcoldmail.com

Jim Stormdancer