The Mortal Path

What? An episode the day it's meant to drop? Vilten must be in retrograde and Gudal in its ninth house of the evening! Join our fearsome three as the mind, soul, but not body melded duo of Nat and Taro take things to a truly existential level and decide to kick it, while Nerium finally gets out of bed and starts doing stuff again. But punts in the dark have strange consequences... See also: What the fuck happened to your voice, don't take it all in, a pyramid scheme of voring, thrrrrobbing, it's all Jackal, and I didn't know Firbolgs could explode like that. CW/TW: audio distortion, mashing up of names briefly results in one accidentally sounding close to 'pedophile', dick jokes, semi-reanimation / animated dead references, gore references, corpse and death references, mentions of the impact of death and the aftermath.]

An episode is never late, dear listener, nor is it early. It arrives precisely when it means to, which just happens to be tonight! If you remember what the hell's been going on, give yourself a pat on the back and a middling sized reward of your choice. In this episode, Nerium continues to sleep and weep in the face of her horrors, and Nat and Taro set about changing the very course of time, fate, and history... See also: Stream of consciousness, Google Allergies, sand, if you come home with a pet Jackal..., High Density Unrefined Magic, and you fucked up a perfectly good Jackal!   [TW/CW: Body sharing, animalistic cannibalism concept, discussion of genetic modification]

Here we are! We're back after a little break and ready to cause some serious trouble in the world of Alfallen! With a terrifying, invisible, interdimensional creature now tearing up the ghostly realm of the Sanitorium, it's up to Taro and Nat (Nerium's taking a gosh dang NAP) to sort out this mess. But the Jackal is a slippery eel thing indeed and tries every trick to escape our hapless heroes. But when it goes beyond the veil, it's going to take some innovative thinking to track it further... See also: A lot of people have watched Narrrruto, that's fucked up man, I've not dropped that in several years, no not by the horns!, the jetpack, people always wanna talk about the horns, and I'm not sure I trust him. TW/CW: Graphic murder, gore, body horror, eldritch / cosmic horror, eye talk, body sharing / possession.

Yubi might be good at spinning a yarn, but they're not so good at time keeping! Never fear, our episode is here, and it's a wild one! Taro and Natalia battle with the results of Nerium's spell gone wrong, and Nerium does the only sensible thing: go to bed. But with a jackal running wild in the Sanitorium, can Nat and Taro keep the peace in Hopewell...? See also: Fuckths'd, do a magic!, it's primal, DRAIN ME!, respect the hat pin, I rub the mud over my face, you introduced invasive species, and that was actually quite helpful. [CW / TW: Violence, mild peril, monsters, bodily functions, depressive episode / anxiety spiral, invasive species / pest talk, mould / fungus spores talk, possession, injury.]   There's also no middle bit this week, so a huge thank you to Rachel Graff for our theme song and some other show music! You can check out her website at www.rachelgraff.com 

We're back! We're here! We (Yubi) got SUPER BUSY and did not upload this episode in a timely manner, but here we are! Once more we delve into the trials and tribulations of Natalia, Taro, and Nerium as they cut away at the mysteries surrounding the violet drop, Rupert, and what the heck is going on around here. Nerium isn't feeling herself, Taro's conversing with knives, and Natalia's discovered the world is maybe dying...   See also: That's me now, I hate that I know what you referenced, Dogbum, is your dagger bigger or..., Lich please, and you're not gonna believe this, this is not a bit. [TW/CW: Mentions of supernatural monsters, forced transformation, drug use innuendo, mild peril.]

Here we go again! Taro and Nerium leave the prison with a spring in their step, only to find Rupert may have done a little more damage than previously anticipated. Attempts to talk only bring up more questions than they answer, and Nat searches for answers of her own out by the caves. But a series of unfortunate rolls and a slightly more awakened knife lead to a bit of a pickle at the end of the day... See also: What does THAT mean Rupert?, Gary shut the HELL up, a lateral jiggle, kanye pepper, Mr Mungus, Frackin' Nat, and Rupert's a bit jumpy. [TW/CW: Illness and injury, death, ethics of animal consumption.] 

We're here once more, offering you nowt but an 'umble episode to delight your senses with. Our intrepid trio are starting to finish up their current business in Hopewell and look to new horizons in order to finish old business. With the guards hot on the heels of the mysterious, potentially dangerous magic user, things are getting a little spicy in the lower lanes. Nat decides some practice might be in order, and Nerium and Taro visit Pelleth to discuss how to solve her problem... See also: They can't sue me, I'll be held, you've been round the cat, wish I were pregnant, that got my uncle, it's not jumping, and the good kush. [TW/CW: Police raids, pee talk, talk of past murders, jail visits, arson, mention of illness and supernatural creatures.]

Hello! We're back with a brand new episode of merriment, magic, and mishaps! Nerium finishes her plan to dispose of the necklace with unusual panache, but when her powers surge she ends up in a slightly different state to how she started. Nat and Taro accompany her to the house of Dalynda to learn more about her missing sister, and some more magics sets off a perilous situation... See also: Corolorolory, size of the utensils, oh words!, number juicy, a graveyard smash, maybe you're right about magic, and Elden John. [TW/CW: medication mention, bodily emissions and poor hygiene mention, mild peril, mention of people turning into small dead animals.]

This week we're back with another episode of our Quest playthrough, where our wonderful Gary GMs us through Tenbren. Groundswell, Agnes, and Iago head to the eternal labrys for more info re: scary swords, and Agnes makes a new friend... See also: I've never squirmed in my life, ooOOoooOo, ass of Jesus, does it indeeeeed?, from there it's just learning all the words, and you little shit! [CW / TW: Ghosts, dead body mention.]

New year, old us! The Good Choices gang is back again to complete tasks in a timely and sensible manner with absolutely no fucksy-wupsies at all! Not a one! Nat bargains her way from between a rock and a hard place and sees a glimpse of an old enemy while Taro reframes his success regarding the Tundraskan relic he's definitely correctly stolen. Kitty wasn't recording for a chunk of the episode, but she joins us with a cunning, well thought-out, sensible plan to deal with their problems... See also: Actually where exactly--, a bitless door, just like Ocean's 12, bone whistlers, I'll just press record now, a big herring paella, and Naruto Baggins. [CW / TW: Trapped in some rock, claustrophobia, people disintegrating into dead animals, catacombs, and organised religion.]

Well, 2020 sure happened, didn't it? And it just kept on happening. And will keep on happening into a bit of 2021. I can't believe orbital cycles don't adhere to narrative arcs! But never fear, for we are here to kick out the old year and cheer in the new with a hearty bundle of bloopers, gags, jokes, weird noises, and scraps on the proverbial cutting room floor. Enjoy, and thank you all for another year by our sides! We are so, so grateful for your support and love. Bring on 2021!

Can you believe it, we're here and on time? Incredible. Such raw power. Join us as our favourite three continue to wreak gentle havoc across Hopewell, delving deeper into their magics with... mixed results. Taro definitely remembers all of the parameters of the necklace job, Nat definitely knows how to get herself out of the pickle she's in, and Nerium definitely knows how to save Pelleth without giving away too much about herself... See also:  What's happening?, do you have the medal, some crepes, Mikasa, there was a decoy?!, and external stimulus. [TW / CW: Getting trapped in rock, claustrophobia of the Junji Ito 'That's my hole' variety, mention of truth spells.]  [We also have no middle bit this episode! As always a huge thank you to Rachel Graff for our theme song and other musics, to Orion and his transcribers for their amazing work, and to DNDice and The Secret Cat Shop for their support! Don't forget to grab their codes from one of our eps with middle bits for some amazing discounts!]

It's the most blessed day of the fortnight, new episode day! And what a nice day it is for a nice episode with absolutely no expectations, in which we are all perfectly behaved and nary a raunchy quip passes our lips. Like usual. Join our terrible three as they split up across the city of Hopewell to finish up some favours and call in some of their own. Nat heads back to Hafez to strike a few deals, Nerium delves back into the upper circle to the House of Morgaine, and Taro has a date with the opera...   See also: Remembering things, Clean Mind, plumage, the Ralphus Morgaine route, moon's wet, Gary you lowered the tone, and take me to the opera.   [CW / TW: Sexual innuendo, ponzi schemes / MLM mention, cursed magic items.]

We're a week late due to Yubi having some pretty tough deadlines, but we're here now and we present you an episode stuffed full of mishaps, mayhem, and many, many laughs. After a successful mind-knife surgery, Nerium and Taro decide to catch a snooze, but Nat has other ideas. Despite best efforts things start to go wrong when lies are told, secrets and spilled, and certain persons are caught in compromising situations... See also: We're not the same person, Wooz, why did I say that?!, everything is going wrong, the thing is..., heh heh, and go feed the ducks. (Content / Trigger warnings: Being caught, mild threats, innuendo.)

We're here! We're a week late! Yubi got ill (again)! But they're back, they're better, they're weirder than ever as we dive into this week's episode. Our dearest darling Findex has gotten himself into a sticky situation, and a bit of sleuthing reveals what they left in the Fallen City might not have been left completely behind. Taro, Nat, and Nerium must work together to help out their friend, and definitely not accidentally harm him with their actions... See also: The last remaining media, the prooze, a hot night, you can't say 'semen demon' on this podcast, the wizard from the coast, with your miND?, and why do we keep doing surgery. [CW / TW: Body horror with magic, magic as a mutating and invisible thing, innuendo, magical surgery]

We're here, we're back, and we're ready to cross new dimensions and ask all sorts of spooky questions! With the rescue mission complete, Taro, Nat, and Nerium are left to pick up the pieces of their evening. With a captive to interrogate, a god to question, and a hungry knife which seems to be needed, our three resident weirdos are left to create some new sense of normality. But they're not the only ones having magical mishaps... See also: Good news and bad news, Taro can't pull out, what are you rolling?, imagine something you can't imagine, Jesus, and it's stuck. [TW / CW: house fire, surgery and amputation talk, interrogation, body horror mention, corpses turning into rats.] [The Kandinsky Plane.] [Check out our two amazing affiliates (and listen to our middle bit for the special discount codes): https://thesecretcatshop.co.uk/, https://dndice.co.uk/, and check out our fantastic Rachel Graff and pick up some Mortal Path music! https://rachelgraffcomposer.bandcamp.com/ ]

We're back in Tenbren with Agnes, Groundswell, and Iago as we momentarily forget the troubles and woes of this town in order to play a carnival game! It's definitely a carnival game! It's not some sort of recruitment drive! Oops! See also: What if a Tiefling... but better, massive bajongos, one Gary tall, how is the shaft, fuck off, and elf.ao3.org.  [TW / CW: Dick talk. So much penis and dick talk.]

We're back after our dive into Qillion with more wild shenanigans from our terrible trio. Our rescue mission is ongoing, and danger lurks on every layer of existence. Friends become foes, foes become friends, and Nat, Nerium, and Taro test out some new skills and powers in the dark woods around Hopewell... See also: flying lady with a flaming sword from behind, I can't believe I'm bait, I think I have a type, a graveyard smash, and you gooped me. [CW / TW: Show typical violence, death by fire, wills, burning buildings.] This episode doesn't have a middle bit. A huge thank you to Rachel Graff for her fantastic music (https://rachelgraffcomposer.bandcamp.com/), to Orion and the Transcribers for their amazing work (https://themortalpath.com/transcripts/), and to all of you for listening!

Here we have it, friends! The second and final part of our What Is Here? game! Come and join us as we dive back into the lives of the sea-elves on Qillion, and whatever strange forces are at work. Trees turn weird, something comes across a bridge, and we make connections like never before... See also: I got it weeb, a literal seal?!, I remember the witches... hrk!, or even Yubi, oh I'm sorry everyone, a clamity, and the silence of the clams. [CW / TW: Sudden disappearances, body / tree horror.]

This week we bring you a very special first episode of a two-part special where we play Yubi's game 'What Is Here?' and definitely don't make it really weird like we usually do. Definitely not. Join us as we shift through time and space to Qillion, original home of the Fallen City and Tan Karill, and dive back into the choppy waters of our elven friends on their watery world, asking the age old question: what is here...? See also: Who said that!?, who has the most blood?, Birmingham, I'm all about clams, Kitty I need you to try, that's very sad, and witches. [CW: Sexual innuendo, minor injury in deep water, minor injury to a child, alluded death of a child, natural disasters (tsunami), amputation, alluded witch burnings.]