The Faint Wick

What happens when a control freak has to face the fact that the world doesn't always go exactly the way she wants it? Anger with a capital A. Anyone else with me on this one?

I’m Melissa Strickland, and I’m an angry person. I’m Melissa Strickland, and I’m a bitter, resentful, negative person because I’m an angry person. Anger has been a constant, comfortable companion. And I have developed the convenient habit of justifying my emotion as "righteous anger," which is also quite helpful if you're trying to avoid facing the discomfort of trying to be more like Christ. Then one day, I couldn't avoid it anymore. I had to choose between passing my anger down to my children or teaching them a better way. And so my journey begins...

Do you struggle with asking for help when you need it? I sure do! But this new year has brought challenges that have left me with no choice. But friends, God is ok with us accepting help when we need it. God has a heart for those who are struggling, and He wants His people to have the authentic fellowship of helping each other. So if you’re one of those people who need help, then you need to cease with all of the pride and fear of looking weak. You need to cease with all of the thoughts of being a burden. If God is sending you comfort, it’s because He knows you need it. Who the heck are you to tell Him He’s wrong? 

Friends, I’m tired. And I suspect I’ll always be tired because that’s part of what it means to be a mom and a caregiver. And sometimes it’s just part of what it means to be a person surrounded by so many messages telling us what to do to keep up, to be good enough. Let’s face it, it’s hard to be human, and care about people, and feel things. I’m just tired. All the time. And it’s been like this for years. And years. And years. It has been so long that fatigue feels like it’s just part of my identity. And being a caregiver doesn’t exactly help, you know? I mean, there’s a reason that this podcast is called The Faint Wick, you know?

The little fire of idea for this episode was sparked by my birthday, which occurred a few weeks ago. I’m not going to tell you how old I am now, but I will say that the next one is a big one--which means that I have officially started the year of the big one. And of course, because I’m completely neurotic and have a multitude of other mental and emotional issues, my first few days of this big year have been spent over-analyzing. Looking into an unknown future as an old feeble caregiver to a disabled spouse is the purest form of anxiety I know! But God tells us to remember where He has brought us from and to cling to His fierce.

We live under so many labels in this life. We have labels for our roles in the family, our jobs--even our personalities. And some of us make the mistake of thinking that those labels are our identities. We think that we are defined by being a mother, an accountant, a caregiver. And sometimes we like what those labels say about us, and sometimes we don’t. Friends, the good news is that those labels are not our identity. As followers of Christ we are not of this world, and we are not defined by the world’s labels. We are children of God...God’s special possession. That’s our identity.

Of all the things I have learned in life so far, which one--outside of the eternal truth of the Gospel--do I treasure most? Seek God. Pray. Read His Word. And always keep your eyes open for His presence. Make it a habit every day to ask Him to show Himself to you, to draw you nearer and nearer to Him. When He’s there, you may be the only one that notices it, and your heart may be racing because it is one of the most exciting, miraculous things you’ve ever seen while everyone around you just kind of shrugs--because that moment might be meant just for you.

Have you ever had to walk away from someone who is hurting? Are you struggling with guilt, anxiety, frustration and fear of the future? Whether you’re caring for a sick or disabled loved one, or a nurse who works long hours and sees unimaginable suffering every single day (and then has to go home and be “up”)... or maybe someone you love deeply is in the throes of addiction and you just have to leave them sitting there because there’s really no other option--or maybe you’re just stressed out by how hard life can be sometimes. Jesus--whose love for us was so great that He willingly suffered unto death to wash away our sins--that same Jesus can also wash away the guilt, the frustration, the anxiety, the fear. He is the Rock of ages, and He bids us to come and hide ourselves in Him.

Philippians 4:19 tells us that God will supply our every need according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. So the question we have to ask ourselves is "What do I really need?" Maybe you're so busy pouring yourself out for others that you've lost sight of who you are and Who God is. In this episode, I tell the story of how the Lord used a set of torn-up bed sheets to show me what only He can provide.

My nephew, Sgt. Dillon Baldridge, was killed in action in Afghanistan on June 10, 2017. It wasn’t until early adulthood that I ever really thought about what Memorial Day was all about, and even then I didn’t really internalize it. As you might imagine, Memorial Day means a lot more to me now. In this "bonus" episode of The Faint Wick, I share some of things that are big on my heart as we approach this holiday weekdn.

Isaiah 42:3 says, "a bruised reed he will not break and a faintly burning wick he will not quench." For many caregivers, our every waking hour is focused on just putting one foot in front of the other--just getting through the day. But you need to know that there is hope with a capital H. God is not going to allow you to be crushed. You might FEEL crushed and broken and quenched, but you won't BE crushed or broken or quenched. If you need some encouragement today, friends, you've come to the right place!

How many of us have prayed for our loved ones to be healed? And when that physical healing, that miraculous moment, doesn’t come, don’t we ask why? Why Lord? He can do miracles. Maybe you’ve even seen Him work miracles in the lives of others. Why not you?