Billy Joe Mates

In the first of a special series of informal podcasts, Parsons & Emslie have chosen Geography and Media Studies to quiz each other. They compare unusual sleeping habits, Emslie tackles a supermarket slogan and Parsons struggles to say the word 'thirteen'. If you want to get involved with the show, contact the boys on @billy_joemates or alternatively search 'Billy Joe Mates' on Facebook.

The boys are back back for another instalment of silliness. Expect terrible impressions, stories of ghosting and a tenuous quiz on 'history'. If you want to get involved with the show, contact the boys on @billy_joemates or alternatively search 'Billy Joe Mates' on Facebook.

Parsons and Emslie jump into the kitchen for this episode to teach you, the listener(s), Parsons' very own Paneer Curry. The boys talk all things food, reminisce school dinners and attempt some pretty below par riffs and accents. So grab your wooden spoon, pour a glass of wine and cook along. Below is the recipe:This recipe kind of evolved from a Madras so I’d say this is a coconutty version of a tikka masala. South India apparently like to do coconut curries so lets rebrand it to a South Indian Paneer Curry.For the curryFinely chop 4 or 5 cloves of garlic, 1 hefty thumb of ginger and 1 or 2 chillis, pop them into a mortar and pestle the shit out of them. Optional tea spoon of mustard seeds can be thrown in here.Add in 2 teaspoons of garam masala, 2 teaspoons of turmeric, half a teaspoon of cumin, 1 teaspoon of coriander and half a teaspoon of cinnamon. Follow this by adding 1/2 tablespoon of tomato puree, a rough tablespoon glug of any oil you have to hand and a tablespoon of chopped tomatoes. Mix together and your paste is complete. Chop 2 small onions or one big one as finely as you like, pop 2 teaspoons of ghee into a casserole dish on a medium heat and add the onions. Let the onions go nice and golden and catch slightly on the sides for maximum flavour. I tend to keep the heat steady so I can get on with the paneer.Chop the paneer into cubes and in a separate pan, whack a bit of sunflower oil on a pretty high heat. Add the paneer for about 2/3 minutes on each side. I find 2 sides golden keeps a slight bite to them and sill keeps them soft enough. Remove from heat when done. Add the spice mix to the now beautifully golden onions and cook through for a good 2/4 minutes adding a couple of splashes of water to loosen it up a bit if needed. Throw in the paneer and chopped red peppers and fry within the mix for a minute or two. Add in a tin of chopped tomatoes and half a tin of coconut milk. If it's lacking a bit of sauce, you may need some more chopped tomatoes - I’d add more tomatoes rather than coconut milk as coconut milk will make it a bit too mellow. Leave to simmer for 10 mins or so on a low heat before popping in a preheated oven to 120º fan. In half an hour to an hour it’ll be done but like with all spiced things, it is always better the longer you leave it. Especially the next day!For the naan Plonk 3 cups of strong white flour, just under a tablespoon of sugar, a teaspoon of salt and 1 sachet of dried yeast in a bowl and mix together. Make a little well in the middle and add 1 and 1/2 cups of warm water slowly mixing with a flat bladed knife to bring together. Once mixed, pop the little dough baby onto the table and kneed for 5-10 mins. You can tell when the dough is ready by putting it into a ball and on the surface of the dough, stretching it. If it doesn’t tear, its ready! (This might need a demo as its hard to describe). Lightly oil a bowl and cover with lightly oiled cling film or a wet tea town. Pop it in a warm place to prove for an hour. Once its doubled in size, Tip out the dough onto a surface and loosely roll it into a baguette shape. This will knock out any unnecessary air but should still keep its light and fluffy. Split the dough into 6 balls. On a lightly floured surface, Roll the balls out to create teardrop shapes that are an inch in height. With a hot griddle pan, place the teardrops for about 2 minutes on each half. Melt some ghee and brush over the naan and they’re ready to eat! 

It's time for something incredibly high brow. It's time for the Tate Modern. With P&E having to speak quieter as to not disturb their fellow art lovers, can Parsons overcome the hurdle of sound quality in the edit? Spoiler alert, he did. Emslie struggles to get his head around art, can Parsons help him see modernism from a different perspective? If you want to support us on our endeavours, please support our Patreon where some special content will be uploaded: https://www.patreon.com/parsonsandemslieFancy a one off donation? Well jump on to https://ko-fi.com/billyjoematesAnd finally if you want to see Parsons do his hit show at the Pleasance in London find more details here: http://www.josephparsons.co.uk

Welcome to the first episode of Billy Joe Mates, a game show that takes comedians back to school to resit a subject of their choice hosted by Joseph Emslie and Joseph Parsons. In this episode, the two Joes test the skills of comedian Jacob Hawley (as seen and heard on BBC iPlayer, BBC Radio 4 and Lad Bible) who decided to resit Biology. The boys talk with Jacob about his school days and a unique fascination that occurred when he was a scout that lead to trouble. Visit Jacob's Twitter for more details about seeing him live: @HawleyJacob  and you can get tickets to his unbelievable show here: https://vaultfestival.com/whats-on/jacob-hawley-howl/?spektrix_bounce=truePlease share your yearbook entries with us on Twitter: @Billy_JoeMates We're also on Facebook: just search 'Billy Joe Mates'. 

After Jacob's strong start in the series, joining the boys this week is the incredibly talented Helen Bauer (As seen on BBC iPlayer, BBC Three and Comedy Central). Helen attempts to resit P.E whilst giving us a wonderful insight into her school days. Helen is always performing round the country and you can find out more by following her on twitter - @HelenBaBauer as well as other social media pages. If you want to get involved with the show and submit a story to the yearbook, contact the boys on @billy_joemates or alternatively search 'Billy Joe Mates' on Facebook.  

After Helen put in an average performance last week this week joining us we have the wonderful Esther Manito (So You Think You’re Funny Finalist 2017). Esther resits English Literature while her typical up-beat attitude towards life! You can follow Esther on Twitter here: @esther_manito and find her Vaults Festival Show here: https://vaultfestival.com/whats-on/esther-manito-work-in-progress/?spektrix_bounce=true If you want to get involved with the show and submit a story to the yearbook, contact the boys on @billy_joemates or alternatively search 'Billy Joe Mates' on Facebook.

Following Esther on the stand up circuit is never easy, following her on the podcast is! This week we have the coolest man in comedy, Sunil Patel (Stath Lets Flats - Channel 4 & Beat The Internet with John Robins - Dave). Sunil takes on Business Studies whilst trying to topple Jacob off the top spot, can he do it? You can follow Sunil here @SunilDPatel and find his vaults work-in-progress show here: https://vaultfestival.com/whats-on/sunil-patel-work-in-progress/If you want to get involved with the show and submit a story to the yearbook, contact the boys on @billy_joemates or alternatively search 'Billy Joe Mates' on Facebook.

After Sunil’s last minute screamer to secure joint top spot, this week we have the inimitable Huge Davies to see if he can secure the top place! Huge Davies (Comedy Central At The Comedy Store, BBC Radio 4 New Comedy Award - Nominee 2017) talks boarding school, being quiet in class and having to support Fulham in secret before taking on the quiz! You can follow Huge here: @HugeDavies Huge has a work-in-progress show in Leicester which you can find here: http://comedy-festival.co.uk/event/huge-davies-work-in-progress/If you want to get involved with the show and submit a story to the yearbook, contact the boys on @billy_joemates or alternatively search 'Billy Joe Mates' on Facebook.

This is the last show of the series, and what a series it’s been! Today we have the wonderful Lew Fitz (BBC New Comedy Award, Nominee 2018 & Voted Top 5 Jokes of The Fringe: The Guardian & Dave TV, 2017). Lew attempts to take top spot whilst also talking bed bugs, impressing girls with football and having a ‘slight Northern lilt!’ You can follow Lew on Twitter here: @ThatLewFitzIf you want to get involved with the show and submit a story to the yearbook, contact the boys on @billy_joemates or alternatively search 'Billy Joe Mates' on Facebook.

We begin series two with the incomparable Alasdair Beckett-King (Leicester Mercury Comedian of the Year and featured on BBC Radio). We chatted about growing up in North East, telling the time and his inquisitive nature as a kid. Alasdair chose to resit History as his subject for this episode, where we introduce a couple of new games! You can follow Alasdair on Twitter using the handle: @MisterABK. You can watch Alasdair on http://www.abeckettking.com/.If you want to get involved with the show, contact the boys on @billy_joemates or alternatively search 'Billy Joe Mates' on Facebook.

After a strong start from Alasdair, the hugely talented Jon Long (Winner of the Musical Comedy Awards 2016) takes on Art. We talk about bands at school, sport and being Tasha Long's brother. You can find Jon on Twitter and Instagram using this handle: @JonLongStandup. If you want to get involved with the show, contact the boys on @billy_joemates or alternatively search 'Billy Joe Mates' on Facebook.

The incredibly loveable and brilliant Sam Lake (Winner of Leicester Mercury Comedy Award 2018) popped in to resit Maths. We talk about 90's sweets, growing up in Redruth and children's telly! You can follow Sam Lake on @MrSamLake and catch him live on http://www.samlakecomedy.com/gigs. If you want to get involved with the show, contact the boys on @billy_joemates or alternatively search 'Billy Joe Mates' on Facebook.

The fantastic Micky Overman (Chortle Best Newcomer Nominee) joins the boys to talk about the Dutch school system, the love of her life and shares an embarrassing story from a school trip in Rome. You can follow Micky on social media using the handle @mickyoverman. If you want to get involved with the show, contact the boys on @billy_joemates or alternatively search 'Billy Joe Mates' on Facebook.

In this Episode we welcome the superb comedian, Patrick Spicer (Leicester Mercury New Comedian of the Year Nominee) to the show. We discussed ball anxiety, Parsons fell apart in the improv round and eat some Toxic Waste. Follow Patrick using the handle @patrickspicers across all social media. If you want to get involved with the show, contact the boys on @billy_joemates or alternatively search 'Billy Joe Mates' on Facebook.

The series finale is a cracker! The wonderful Kelly Convey (Leicester Comedy Festival Mercury Comedian of the Year 2017 nominee) popped in to talk about her teen years as a Chav in Chatham, misbehaving in class and resit the subject Sex Education. You can catch Kelly on @kelly_convey on social media and look out for her debut television appearance on The Stand Up Sketch Show on ITV next year! If you want to get involved with the show, contact the boys on @billy_joemates or alternatively search 'Billy Joe Mates' on Facebook.

Parsons and Emslie are on the road as they return for a special series of school trips. Recorded in the winter of this year, Parsons and Emslie try valiantly to paint the scene in several locations in the UK as they try and learn... something? This week, they're in Bristol at the Aquarium!If you want to support us on our endeavours, please support our Patreon where some special content will be uploaded: https://www.patreon.com/parsonsandemslieFancy a one off donation? Well jump on to https://ko-fi.com/billyjoematesAnd finally if you want to see Parsons do his hit show at the Pleasance in London find more details here: http://www.josephparsons.co.uk

This week Parsons and Emslie have some more animal based fun (in a normal way) at Bristol Zoo for a very special 2 parter. If you want to support us on our endeavours, please support our Patreon where some special content will be uploaded: https://www.patreon.com/parsonsandemslieFancy a one off donation? Well jump on to https://ko-fi.com/billyjoematesAnd finally if you want to see Parsons do his hit show at the Pleasance in London find more details here: http://www.josephparsons.co.uk

Part 2 of Bristol Zoo with Parsons and Emslie! If you want to support us on our endeavours, please support our Patreon where some special content will be uploaded: https://www.patreon.com/parsonsandemslieFancy a one off donation? Well jump on to https://ko-fi.com/billyjoematesAnd finally if you want to see Parsons do his hit show at the Pleasance in London find more details here: http://www.josephparsons.co.uk

Parsons and Emslie are in London and they've gone to a classic school trip location. If you like rocks, you'll love the Natural History Museum. If you want to support us on our endeavours, please support our Patreon where some special content will be uploaded: https://www.patreon.com/parsonsandemslieFancy a one off donation? Well jump on to https://ko-fi.com/billyjoematesAnd finally if you want to see Parsons do his hit show at the Pleasance in London find more details here: http://www.josephparsons.co.uk