How Am I Still Alive?!

This week is the week to end all weeks, as it is the final, formally-posted episode of this podcast. We have had such a wild run with you guys over the last 2 years and cannot thank you enough for your support. We cannot think of a better note to end it on than with the final conclusion of the drunk dive on Andrei Chika-dildo. All that being said, sit back,  pour a glass, and for FUCKS SAKE, just stay alive out there because some days, that's just good enough. 

This week, Marci is tired so it's gonna get to a weird place in the continuation of our drunk dive into the infamous Russian serial-killer, Andrei Chikatilo.  We take a reverse walk of shame into his slug-vomiting flaccid dick and heinous murders that will end up being knowledge at lives with you for the rest of your life. Sit back, pour a glass, and protect your holes on public transport because it is almost always a penis!

This week, gird your loins and eye your children's teachers suspiciously because we continue on with part 2 of our drunk dive with the Soviet Union Tommy Boy,  Andrei Chikatilo.   This serial killer's spree is riddled with pan-pedophilia, but there are no Daddy-issues here,  just Commie-issues. Sit back,  pour a glass,  and salt-bae that semen into your vajay because you're just mastitis milk. 

This week, pop the bubbly! Jess and Marci are ending this podcast on a limp-dick note by doing one final drunk dive into the most infamous, impotent serial killer in true crime, Andrei Chikatilo.  Try not to think of Robert Pattinson's splooge-face as we start off with Ukraine's version of Diary of a Wimpy Kid.  Sit back, pour a glass, you might be the smartest idiot in the village, but you are still just cult-candy.

This week, the meds are gone and the bitches are out in the horrific case of Dena Schlosser.  All this case proves is that husbands are dumb and Jesus may be a wine witch but he ain't any doctor. Sit back, pour a glass, and yeah... You're in a cult, call your doctor.It's important to call your doctor as soon as possible if the signs and symptoms of depression have any of these features:Don't fade after two weeksAre getting worseMake it hard for you to care for your babyMake it hard to complete everyday tasksInclude thoughts of harming yourself or your babyIf you have suicidal thoughtsIf at any point you have thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, immediately seek help from your partner or loved ones in taking care of your baby and call 911 or your local emergency assistance number to get help.Also consider these options if you're having suicidal thoughts:Seek help from your primary care provider or other health care professional.Call a mental health professional.Call a suicide hotline. In the U.S., call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) or use their webchat on suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat.Reach out to a close friend or loved one.Contact a minister, spiritual leader or someone else in your faith community... Unless you're in a cult.

This week, we continue on our drunk dive into the Son of Sam killings and his doughy hip school girl burn books.  Jess shifts back to her "good shit" wine and Marci stresses the importance of knowing your self-worth. Sit back, pour a glass, and just know that Jesus was a wine witch and doesn't love you.

This week, it's always a Richard as Marci kicks off this 2-part drunk dive on the Son of Sam!  We be bringing up some serious abandonment issues coupled with triple daddy issues that will sure fill out your serial killer bingo card. Sit back, pour a glass, and don't cry into your cheese, just go and "polish the tub".

This week, we are keeping it suspicious and delicious with the infamous murders of spree killer, Andrew Cunanan. Marci is still hung up on murder while Jess circles this killing spree all the way to, you guessed it, FLORIDA. Sit back, pour a glass, and get a kitty cat uterus transplant because this is as about as extra as it gets.

This week, we take a short drunk dive into the failed rehabilitation attempts by the correctional system for inmate, Thomas Silverstein, a murderer who didn't start his killing spree until post conviction.  Marci stews over what could have been a 16-and-pregnant fortune while Jess channels Marci's 16-year-old emo eyeshadow vibes.  Sit back, pour a glass,  and even though we hate the watermelon wine there are sober children in China so sig it down!

This week,  there are no wrong turns when you have no clear destination in this wild case of twists and turns in the murder of Blair Adams.  Jesus is fucking Jess for Lent and Marci has concerns involving dragon dick. Sit back, pour a glass, and a fanny pack full of gold is how you know you made it in life.

This week, there is plenty of Royal gossip and rumors are spreading like Hellfire as Jess covers the infamous cold case of the Tallahassee Triple Murders. This is the case where Tallahassee lost it's blistful ingnorance and Marci loses her confidence in police investigators of the protocol-less, lawless 60s. Sit back, pour a glass,  and for fricks sake, LOCK YO DAMN DOORS!

This week the girls discuss witchcraft, cults and a serial killer with gigantic ass ears, Cayetano Santos Godino aka El Petiso Orejudo (the big -eared midget). Godino started his murder and masturbation reign of terror early in life and the girls are left with enduring question, why is it always syphilis? 

This week, Marci forgets her tolerance level and Jess continues the case on the infamous Investor Murders of Craig, Alaska.  We call bullshit on the most tainted of court cases and if we don't like you, we for sure will not be getting you a wedding present. Sit back, pour a glass, and just remember that your memory is shit but you will forever be haunted by awkward moments that occurred 20+ years ago.

This week, Marci can't handle names and Jess brings us back to Alaska with the Investor Murders in Craig.  It is a whole new hole, kicking it off like a saucy, gay-pirate romance novel that tragically ends with a crematorium on water. Sit back, pour a glass, and gets your fill of food, fucking, and murder because people give murderers WAY too much credit.

This week, the girls are up to some chicken-vagina fuckery as Marci covers the murderous con-case of Mary Bateman.  Jess cringes thinking about reverse-birth and Marci sadly cannot claim anal on her taxes.  Sit back, pour a glass, and hold that antidote for life because now I want a flesh charm.

This week, the girls take a ride in the struggle bus as Marci covers the infamous "Ken and Barbie murders" commited by Killer-couple, Paul Bernardo and Karla Homolka.  Marci goes into detail of these digusting crimes like a Canadian version of SVU while Jess drinks her wine and cools down from being a hot, little potato.  Sit back, pour a glass, and Happy Valentine's Day! This isn't a tale of love at first sight, it was a "let's bone" at first sight.

This week, IT'S EARLY.  Marci struggles with basic geography while Jess covers the mysterious disappearance of Ray Gricar.  Seriously, gay men make better dick-wolves and anytime before 2000 was a lawless time.  Sit back, pour a glass, and try to shit on that spot a mile away because Sabine shits like a drunk man in a gas station restroom.

This week, Marci and Sabine quietly fart in the background as Jess covers the infamous Preppy Murder of Jenny Levin.  Our murderer in this case might have been "80s hot" but failed to yeet his way out of this senseless crime. It is so infuriating that it is enough to get Marci to stop scrolling through etsy on her phone. Sit back, pour a glass, and please don't ask why Jess knows she can hold her breath comfortably for 49 seconds.

This week, we celebrate the 101 episode (we can't count so we forgot about 100) with the Uncut,  but somehow still cut, case of John Wayne Bobbitt.  Spoiler alert, we side with Lorena, and we definitely think she should've tossed that dirty D down the garbage disposal.  Sit back, pour a glass, and gird your loins because this is a rough cut.

This week, it is our 100th episode and these bitches are at the same ole' shit with a casa that has been rotting away in Jess' filing cabinet.  Jess has a sleepy baby in her lap as she she covers the case of the wannabe serial-killer, Miranda Barbour, and her Junior High Dumpster Babies. Marci has no interest in your Nega-dick and we porn genre jump real quick in this episode.  Sit back, pour a glass, and there are a lot of dicks involved so prepare for a kink-twist!