The ABCs of Bad Movies

Bounty Killer (2013)Director: Henry SaineStarring: Matthew Marsden, Kristanna Loken, Christian PitreIt's the seasonal "Alex and Jeff deep dive into the movie" episode. Who doesn't love those extra long ones, right? Alex and Jeff watch a Mad Max "homage." The boys discuss a potential alternate after the fact. The Australian accent comes in full force. Alex does the Jaws monologue. The boys discuss the legitimacy of the film along with the graphic novel on wh...

After Last Season (2009)Director: Mark RegionStarring: Jason Kulas, Peggy McClellan, Scott WintersAlex kicks off Season 2 by trying to find exactly what it will take to get Jeff to hate him, and he finds success in this choice. The boys attempt to comprehend the atrocious sets, lighting, acting, music, "CGI", and plots. This film sure has it all: MRI machines made of paper, paper signs photo-shopped to have words on them, news articles printed on printer paper, paper taped t...

Alex and Jeff rank the movies they've watched this season. Alex uses his feelings. Jeff uses numbers. They hope against hope that they'll agree on at least one movie. Will they? Maybe.

Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead (2011)Director: Noboru IguchiStarring: Arisa Nakamura, Maya Sugano, Asana MamoruAlex and Jeff close out season 1 with another Japanese experience. This time, it's a little different. Alex and Jeff do some bad voices and talk about a short film by the director. Watch your back, and be wary of doctors who offer you pasta.

Yakuza Apocalypse (2015)Director: Takashi MiikeStarring: Hayato Ichihara, Riko Narumi, Shô AoyagiJeff finds a gem in this action, horror, comedy from Japan. Vampires! Gangsters! Demons! Ear milk! They boys certify Yakuza Apocalypse as an ABCult film; check it out!

X: The Man with the X-Ray Eyes (1963)Director: Roger CormanStarring: Ray Milland, Diana Van der Vlis, Harold J. StoneJeff listens to consistent reminders that AIDS didn't exist in 1963. A doctor joins a circus after throwing a dummy out of a window. Jeff provides some space program trivia. Alex discusses a conspiracy theory about Pitbull. Jeff insists on a bad ending.

We Are What We Are (2013) Director: Jim Mickle Starring: Bill Sage, Ambyr Childers, Julia Garner Jeff sings several songs. A horde of guests join as Alex and Jeff wade through the incestuous, cannibalistic bog that is We Are What We Are. The peanut gallery stay and watch the movie. Chris, Donny, and some Muppets tag along.

Vehicle 19 (2013)Director: Mukunda Michael DewilStarring: Paul Walker, Naima McLean, Gys de VilliersAlex and Jeff have their friend, Luis, on the show. Jeff does some singing. Luis does some ASMR. The boys forget about the movie, and they do some space trivia for a while. Touchy Larry makes his first (and hopefully last) appearance. The boys find themselves diametrically opposed.

Ultraviolet (2006)Director: Kurt WimmerStarring: Mila Jovovich, Cameron Bright, Nick ChinlundRelations break down, and Jeff spits on Alex. Jeff discusses a class he had to take. The boys watch a very cool murder. The boys witness a gunkata master at work.

Troll 2 (1990)Director: Claudio FragassoStarring: Michael Paul Stephenson, George Hardy, Margo PreyAlex and Jeff lose the thread multiple times today. If you think they're only going to talk about pirates briefly at the start, you are thinking wrong. Alex loses the thread while editing and leaves everything in. Have fun!

Surviving the Game (1994)Director: Ernest R. DickersonStarring: Ice-T, Rutger Hauer, Charles S. DuttonAlex and Jeff witness and ponder whether they would survive the game. Then, they talk about how they would run the game. Snakebites make a return. For the record, Alex would not survive the game. Jeff wrote a short story once about the game; how coincidental!

The Room (2003)Director: Tommy WiseauStarring: Tommy Wiseau, Juliette Danielle, Greg SesteroAlex and Jeff are back talking about one of the most famous bad movies ever made. A tale of love and betrayal is experienced by Jeff for the first time, and it comes with lots of confusion and singing.

Party Monster (2003)Director: Fenton Bailey and Randy BarbatoStarring: Macaulay Culkin, Wilson Cruz, Seth GreenAlex and Jeff suffer the results of two strong, cheap drinks. They boys discuss the mechanics of standing while urinating. Alex proposes a very special guest to Jeff.

Party Monster (2003)Director: Fenton Bailey and Randy BarbatoStarring: Macaulay Culkin, Wilson Cruz, Seth GreenAlex and Jeff provide commentary for Party Monster.

Octaman (1971)Director: Harry EssexStarring: Pier Angeli, Kerwin Mathews, Jeff MorrowAlex and Jeff host a guest. The group discusses day for night and how to incorporate octopus monsters into both the Godzilla universe and the Marvel universe. Alex defends the ease of Price Is Right rules for guessing games. The group tries Malort, a wormwood based liquor.

Octaman (1971)Director: Harry EssexStarring: Pier Angeli, Kerwin Mathews, Jeff MorrowAlex and Jeff and special guest Mitch provide commentary for Octaman.

Next (2007)Director: Lee TamahoriStarring: Nicolas Cage, Julianne Moore, Jessica BielAlex fights to keep Jeff from falling into a sleep deprived delirium. It does not work. Jeff sings a lot.

Next (2007)Director: Lee TamahoriStarring: Nicolas Cage, Julianne Moore, Jessica BielAlex and Jeff provide commentary for Next. The Peanut Gallery has a small talk after the movie.

The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then The Bigfoot (2018)Director: Robert D. KrzykowskiStarring: Sam Elliot, Aiden Turner, Caitlin FitzGeraldAlex and Jeff watch a surprisingly good movie about a man who assassinates Hitler and is later hired to stop Bigfoot from spreading a easily spread disease. There was no discussion for this movie as it was determined to be too good, so this episode is uncut.

Legion of the Night (1995)Director: Matt JaissleStarring: Time Lovelace, Jeff Rector, Ron AshetonAlex and Jeff give a two minute synopsis before the Peanut Gallery tries to stop Alex from singing. Alex burns bridges with the Midwest and argues with Jeff about how many strings are on a bass guitar. Jeff challenges Alex by asking him to list the top billed characters of Legion of the Night. Alex forgets the name of the movie.