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Description
3 friends discuss the various minutiae of our favourite (sometimes love to hate) movie franchises. One of the hosts usually considers themselves an expert on the FRANCHISE and helps to GUIDE the others through each movie.
56 Episodes
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The gang is back with the final stand alone Jason Voorhees film before the 2009 remake. GC, Jen & J all watch as Jason gets cryogenically frozen at the Crystal Lake Research Facility, brought aboard a space craft 400 years in the future with plans to be sold on Earth 2. Tale as old as time. This film is a Canadian mess, it's not hard to see why it had been shelved for a couple of years before finally getting its theatrical release. This movie a warning for the future that awaits our plane...
Josh Gets Shaved! Would've been a far more apt title for this movie. Join GC, Jen & J as they power through this franchise and watch 1993s "Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday". All 3 are rather underwhelmed and Jen & GC had a few moments where this movie felt unwatchable. This is gross-out 90s horror at it's peak and Jason Voorhees takes a backseat for almost the entire movie. If you thought Jason X stole from Alien, wait until you see the little demonic worm in this movie! We talk ...
Ahoy! Start spreading the news, Jason is heading to New York and as they say; it ain't the destination, it's the journey! Join the gang as they experience roughly 20 mins of what Jason Voorhees in New York looks like and it's safe to say everyone was having a better time on the way there. This is a heartless cheesy mess, unfortunately with none of the campy fun that we got in Part 5: A New Beginning. This movie also leaves GC, Jen & J scratching their heads as to just what year this is su...
The gang returns to Crystal Lake and it seems many years have passed? No one told the wardrobe dept though. We join telekinetic Tina Sheppard and her exploitive therapist, "Weekend at Bernie's" Terry Kiser as they bring Jason back from his resting place, deep within the waters of Crystal Lake. This is such a strange movie, wherein the writer's had to use a "Carrie" type to give Jason a foe, in place of Freddy Krueger. We talk about Mike's surprise party that no one seems to mind he doesn't sh...
Join the gang as they head to a quaint little town called Forest Green. It's definitely far away from that death trap, Crystal Lake. Roy Burns is never to be heard from again, and as long as no one digs up the body during a thunderstorm, Jason has been neutralized. GC, Jen & J have a blast talking about the steamy relationship between a grown Tommy Jarvis and the Forest Green Sheriff's daughter, Meghan. Along the way we discuss officer handsome's fur-hooded jacket, soupy sound effects, an...
Come along on a trip to the Pinehurst Halfway House in Crystal Lake (?) as we're brought into a world (by a porn director) where Jason Voorhees is no longer and someone else has decided to dawn the iconic hockey mask; albeit with a slight modification via blue triangle decals. The 5th instalment of the Friday the 13th franchise is so gloriously 80s, full of shallow characters, sex scenes and inventive deaths, you may not even mind that this is the only movie in the franchise that forgets to i...
Special Guest Alert!! Franchise Guides is joined by our good friend Suzy to dish on this deliciously 80s, horny, horror movie. It's 1984 and Friday the 13th knows exactly what it's about as we watch a hulking man stalking through the woods and tossing teenagers through windows while a young Corey Feldman plays video games and makes creepy masks. Crispin Glover displays the most interesting of dances before looking for a corkscrew...Join GC, Jen, J & Suzy as they tackle the 4th instalment ...
Friday the 13th 3-D! Coming at ya! The gang is ready to get back in the water on what we believe to be a Saturday the 14th? Sunday the 15th? Somewhere in that ball park as we pick up right where Part 2 left us. This is such a strange movie with a bright vibrant colour palate, a new crew of mostly hateable dead meats, Jason finally gets his iconic goalie mask, and for some reason, what 80s Hollywood thought a gang was. Also a man gets chopped in the crotch while doing a hand stand. This movie ...
The gang makes like adult Jason and returns to Crystal Lake to hang with a new crop of dead meat camp counsellors! Jason has taken over where his mother left off. Now a grown man, he's living off the land and hunting down anyone that dares to visit the lake. We get into just what the plumbing situation is in Jason's scrap shack and see all sorts of sexy hijinks from the Dirty Newsies and creepy Scott. Thankfully child psychologist "Ginny" (she is referred to as Jenny the entire episode) is th...
Ki! Ki! Ki! GC rocks an epic undie skid through this one after we watch Kevin Bacon and friends meet their maker in the form of one pissed off mother. The gang storms into Camp Crystal Lake to play a little strip Monopoly and talk extensively about just what Kevin Bacon was up to with that tightly wrapped erection. GC, Jen & J prepare themselves to walk through the 1980s with a franchise so infamous, the killer was already spoiled for GC when watching Scream....also Snape kills Dumbledore...
The gang says goodbye to District 5 and boards the Bombay coach bus to Crystal Lake, New Jersey! Join GC, Jen & J for a late night skinny dip into the waters of Friday the 13th. It's about to get all spooky & sexy as a woman & her son (and some other guy?) machete their way through a few decades of horny campers. Is GC gonna be able to make it? Will his undies make it? Pitch a tent and join us around the fire, we're gonna give it to you straight about Jason...instagram.com/franchi...
Join Franchise Guides as we close the book on Gordon Bombay's drunken exploits and find Charlie and the crew at a prep school in Minnesota where they are shocked to learn that the school will not be changing their team name to the Ducks. The fucking audacity! Gordo spends the movie in the wings as coaching duties fall to Coach Orion. We discuss the problematic 90s themes and how Charlie has kinda turned into an asshole. Listen in as we wrap up the franchise that birthed a national hockey team...
The Guides continue our breakdown of all things Gordon Bombay in this sequel that ups the stakes in so many ways! GC, Jen & J discuss the "Air Bombay Loafer" for kids who want to coach, the Iceland rivalry, the Minnesota Waves, and the Rodeo Drive models. We then look ahead to what's to come when the gang moves onto Coach Orion at Eden Hall Academy for D3. Join us for more thrilling rollerblade action than you ever knew you were missing!franchiseguides@gmail.cominstagram.com/franchiseguid...
Franchise Guides forms a flying V and breaks into the Mighty Ducks franchise with a full examination of just how Gordon Bombay got into this predicament (and yet remains our protagonist). We do a bit of "where are they now?" with the cast *spoiler alert* Karp got hunky, and just what was old Gordo up to with Charlie's mom? Better question, what was Charlie up to? Rollerblading montage, playing with eggs, and head trauma! You don't wanna miss this episode, join GC, Jen & J as they welcome ...
Quack Quack Quack we're back!!! Franchise Guides dives into all things Emilio...or is it Mario? Who was apparently 29 when shooting this movie!? Disney watered down this originally dark comedy to make it suitable for children...where the entire impetus for the movie's events is Gordon Bombay's DUI. We dive into a "where are they now?" with the franchise's peewee hockey players, discuss a Disney owned hockey team, and start off on the wrong foot with an ex New Kid On the Block. Listen in as Fr...
Hulk Hogan & Ernest in the same movie? 3 Ninjas did it! Join us as we wrap up the 3 Ninjas franchise and say our goodbyes to Rocky, Colt & Tum Tum. Dave Dragon joins the boys to help defeat the evil Medusa. Confused? 0% on rotten tomatoes doesn't lie. This is a movie that has to be seen to be believed. We talk Colt's insane hairstyle, Loni Anderson's sexy outfits, and Hulk Hogan's toupee, bulge & sex tape. Join us for our final Ay-Ah! instagram.com/franchiseguidesfranchisegui...
Get ready for some sewer escapes! 3 Ninjas takes yet another page out of the Ninja Turtle book as our heroes tackle an environmentally charged issue in the latest instalment. Rocky, Colt & Tum Tum do battle in a pizzeria, on an old western set, and at city hall where they throw down with some cops (?) Catch the movie that seems to have single handedly ended the ninja craze of the 80s and 90s. Join Franchise Guides as we discuss this problematic turd of an entry!instagram.com/franchiseguid...
Don't forget to pack your gi! Franchise Guides is heading to Japan with Rocky, Colt & Tum Tum for an adventure that involves much more baseball than most had hoped for. It also appears as though they decided to recast this time around and got two other kids to fight alongside Jamie Lee Curtis. Grampa is having a difficult time after a fender bender puts him on the sidelines for the majority of the movie. Don't worry though, this movie is still packed with baseball scenes. Don't kick front...
The Guides enter the dojo on this week's episode. So get on your Gi and get out those jelly beans because it's time to kick some adult ass. We discuss the 3 little heroes, Fester and his righteous dudes, Hugo's evil plans, Grampa's stunt double and the boys throwing down on the basketball court. Join Franchise Guides and get your shot of 90s nostalgia and about 37 dick kicks. Ay-Ya!thefranchiseguides.buzzsprout.cominstagram.com/franchiseguidesfranchiseguides@gmail.comtwitter.com/FG_HarryPodde...
The Guides say goodbye to the boys of East Great Falls and Ay-Ah! to Grandpa's Dojo. That's right, we're covering the 90s craze, 3 Ninjas! Franchise Guides' own Rocky, Colt and Tum-Tum are ready to dive into the first series to feature a movie with a stellar 0% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Spoiler Alert! It's not even the worst movie in the series thanks to some fantastic work from Hulk Hogan and an evil Ernest P. Worrell. Join us as we discuss what lies ahead in the series, test Jen's knowledg...
It's the last piece of the pie! Franchise Guides takes American Pie to the next step and closes the series with this reunion that somehow feels the exact same as the previous instalments. Stifler is a habitual sexual harasser, Jim injures his dinger, Finch still giving out that pretentious d-bag vibe and Kevin and Oz still can't act. The more things change, the more they stay the same. Be sure to help us give this franchise a proper send off!instagram.com/franchiseguidestwitter.com/FG_HarryPo...
The Guides are back, fuckers! Join GC, Jen & J as they dive into this bizarro American Pie movie where nothing is quite what it seems. This movie is the uncanny valley of American Pie movies. Finch is Stifler, Stifler is "Steven", Oz is missing, Kevin wanders across the screen a couple times and Eugene Levy shines like always. Watch Stifler have a dance off! and literally eat shit! Don't worry, after the 38th time you hear his weasel laugh you'll become numb to it and get to enjoy watchin...
Franchise Guides packs up their bags and heads to the beach house with the boys! More fun awkward Jim moments and an unfortunately sparing amount of Jim's dad. Jim's hopeless in the ways of love and travels to band camp for some assistance. Oz is trying to make it happen over the phone, Finch still thinks he is deep and is now studying tantra, Stifler never learns a lesson, and Kevin is there. Join us as we make the journey from East Great Falls to the beach!instagram.com/franchiseguidestwitt...
Franchise Guides is back! J, Jen & GC join the gang at East Great Falls for this crass sex romp of a movie. Jim, Kev, Oz and Finch are all deeply concerned with their virginity status. We discuss both "Laid Back Jim" and "Cool Hip Jim", Kevin's Tongue Tornado, Finch's Poop Escapades, Oz's sensitive shtick, the horrifying pop culture icon that is Stifler, and Nadia's awful send off. Plenty of hot takes regarding the titular pie fucking scene as well! Join us for this walk down memory lane ...
Get that recipe out, and perhaps a condom! Franchise Guides bakes up some American Pie! This pre Franchise episode tackles all the gang's knowledge and experience of Jim and the boys and it gets dark. Jen is excited about all the Steven "Stickler" hijinks (not a typo, that's what she thinks his name is) GC and J are about to get in touch with their prepubescent selves as we all get in touch with a little Apple Pie!Listen in while it cools on the windowsillfranchiseguides@gmail.cominstagram.co...
The gang goes for one last drink with the girls! They are then magically whisked away to Abu Dhabi for all sorts of racially charged, uncomfortable hijinks. Samantha gets sexy in public, Charlotte fears Harry has a wandering eye, and Carrie makes some reprehensible choices! Miranda is also there. It's a 2.5 hour thrill ride to wrap up this wonderful franchise and we end up back home for some great under-a-bridge fucking while the night sky is romantically lit by red, white and blue fireworks....
The gang is back in New York and tagging along with Carrie and the girls as they go through all the trials and tribulations of relationships. We talk Big, Carrie's bummer trip to Mexico, Steve and Miranda's intense sex scenes and i thiiiiiiiiiink Dante's penis comes up at some point. Enjoy!franchiseguides@gmail.cominstagram.com/franchiseguidestwitter.com/FG_HarryPodderfranchiseguides.wixsite.com/podcast
The gang is back and we're taking a visit to New York! (the 5th character) We discuss Carrie and the girls in Sex and the City! Jen plays the expert in this franchise and GC knows absolutely nothing about this series...J falls somewhere in between. We play a game of "who said that?" and discuss fucking different kinds of cheese (? I'm sure this makes more sense with context) Join Franchise Guides as we enter the world of Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda & Samantha instagram.com/franchisegu...
Is this title redundant? So is this movie! We watched the sequel no one asked for of the movie no one asked for! This is the final movie of the Grown Ups franchise, it came and went so fast you'd think Sandler really did get to live out his fantasy of being with Salma Hayek. This franchise was a struggle but what it does have going for it is that it is only 2 movies long! instagram.com/franchiseguidesfrachiseguides@gmail.comtwitter.com/FG_HarryPodderfranchiseguides.wixsite.com/podcast
The gang has a blast hanging with Adam Sandler and his crew-for-hire! We discuss Sandy phoning it in and setting up a vacation that they decided to film, and the general public paid to watch. Chris Rock, David Spade, Kevin James and Rob Schneider are Sandler's devote followers in this turd of a movie and we spend nearly 2 hours watching them debase themselves while Adam Sandler is a rich Hollywood agent/Salma Hayek's husband...One might ask themselves how this movie was sold as a Comedy and n...
This week the sun goes down on Twilight and gang says "abbie doobie" to Sandler and the fellas! Franchise Guides decided to tackle its shortest ever franchise with Grown Ups and Grown Ups 2. We break down this mess of a series and find out how much Jen remembers having watched these movies many years ago. Get your swim suit on 'cause we're hitting up the pool for a fun weekend with the Sandman and his minions!franchiseguides@gmail.cominstagram.com/franchiseguidesfranchiseguides.wixsite.com/po...
Alas the Twilight Saga comes to an end as the gang breaks down the final movie of the series that quite frankly leaves a lot of unanswered questions. GC, Jen & J put on their Stephenie Meyer hats and try to get to the bottom of what makes Twilight such an important franchise for millions of people. Listen in to find out what franchise will be covered starting next week!instagram.com/franchiseguidesfranchiseguides@gmail.comtwitter.com/FG_HarryPodderfranchiseguides.wixsite.com/podcast
We're back in Forks for the first half of the Twilight finale with Breaking Dawn Pt.1! There still seems to be a huge gap in knowledge between GC & J and Laurel & Jen but they manage to talk all things Forks town wedding, Brazilian honeymoon, vampire pregnancies, and breaking headboards. You don't wanna miss it and get left and forgotten like Jacob!instagram.com/franchiseguidesfranchiseguides@gmail.comfranchiseguides.wixsite.com/podcasttwitter.com/FG_HarryPodder
The gang is back with special guest Laurel for the 3rd Twilight movie, Eclipse! Jen & Laurel guide the boys through Bella's decision to string along Jacob while choosing Edward and why that's somehow okay? They also discuss how imprinting works and why Jacob pulled such a dick move. Get your shirt off! It's time to horse around and watch Twilight Eclipse with your wolf pack!*Franchise Guides can be your wolf pack.instagram.com/franchiseguidestwitter.com/FG_HarryPodderfranchiseguides@gmail...
The Guides tackle the 2nd movie in the Twilight Saga, New Moon! They get some help taking out the trash with special guest Laurel, here to stop the guys from dumping all over this franchise while admitting that New Moon is definitely her least favourite of the series. We listen in on a great clip and experience the raw sexual tension between Bella and Jacob and discuss the complications of babies both Vampire and Werewolf. Also what does New Moon even mean? Find out on this edition of Franchi...
The gang tackles the first film in the Twilight series with help from special guest Laurel! The group have some conflicted feelings on this movie, and struggle to find something nice to say about K-Stew's acting and Robert Pattison's O face. Jen and Laurel guide GC & J through the first movie and help shine some light on the questions the guys have. This episode is brought to you in part by Rainier, Charlie Swan's choice in alcoholic beverage. instagram.com/franchiseguidestwitter.com...
Get out that body glitter! Franchise Guides gets set to dig into the Twilight Saga, GC and J have so many questions for Jenn about how this whole thing works. The gang experiences varying levels of excitement as they prepare to dig into this supernatural love triangle. There may just be a special guest along the way! Join Franchise Guides as they enter the magical town of Forks for 5 movies!franchiseguides@gmail.cominstagram.com/franchiseguidestwitter.com/FG_HarryPodderfranchiseguides.wixsite...
Join the gang as they wrap up the Scream franchise with the final instalment, Scream 4! They have a blast breaking down the millennial scream, filled with all sorts of fun murder live streams and fame obsession. And not to bury the lead but...someone gets their dick shot off! It's really exciting, hear what GC thought of his first horror series and what movie franchise we will be guiding you through next!franchiseguides@gmail.comtwitter.com/FG_HarryPodderinstagram.com/franchiseguidesfranchise...
Franchise Guides welcomes special guest and friend, John to the podcast as they dissect the third instalment of the Scream franchise and discuss the seedy Hollywood portrayed in the movie, Courtney Cox's bangs, and whether or not the death of David Puddy served the plot. GC manages to guess the entire ending, however he also thought that Martha Meeks was involved some how. We also discuss possible plot lines for Scream 4 and a little teaser of what's to come with our next franchise. Turn up t...
The gang is back together again, but this time they've left Woodsboro and it's off to college! J and Jenn guide GC through the second instalment of Scream and discuss all the fun fraternity and sorority hijinks that Woodsboro's finest get up to! They theorize why Dewey has been able to survive 2 separate attacks and dig into just what a harmonica-style blow job entails. Get ready to pledge to betas at Franchise Guides with episode 2 of Scream!franchiseguides@gmail.comtwitter.com/FG_HarryPodde...
Happy Halloween! Franchise Guides turns the page to a new spooky series, and it's sexy. It's GC's turn in the idiot chair as J & Jen guide him through the film that kicks off the franchise, Scream (1996). The gang breaks down their respective relationships with horror movies in general and we find out just how well GC handles watching a slasher flick. Will we even make it to Scream 2? Just how teenaged are these high school students? Was Billy really just hanging out in the Ladies bathroo...
We made it! The final instalment of the Ninja Turtles franchise, and it is some kind of strange departure. What happened to our lovable turtles? why do they look so strange? and what are they doing in my 1600s Japanese soap opera? The gang tackles the physics of sceptre-based time travel, and just what was that piece of ancient history doing in April's favourite flea market?Find out all this and more as Franchise Guides brings Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to a close!franchiseguides@gmail.comi...
J & GC guide Jen through the second instalment of Ninja Turtles, and it's a doozy. The turtles have been neutered and are now using cold cuts as weapons? Just how bad does Shredder stank from his time in the junk yard? Are Tokka and Rahzar as scary as I remember them? Is Keno a pervert or just stupid...or both? Listen to find out on Franchise Guides. A CAPPELLA Motherfuckers!franchiseguides.wixsite.com/podcastfranchiseguides@gmail.cominstagram.com/franchiseguidestwitter.com/FG_HarryPodder
The gang digs into the first of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! From the sewers of New York City, we discuss everything from pizza hijinks to 12 year old gambling cigar smokers. How did these turtles come to be teenaged? how did Splinter learn to fight before he was even in contact with the ooze? And just where is April at in her private life to be feeling so comfortable with these walking, talking turtles...and Casey Jones (who really wants you to know he isn't gay). Cowabunga motherfucker...
The time has come! Franchise Guides moves on from Harry Podder with a doozy, it's time to talk all things turtles as they dig into the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise. J & GC are now in the expert chair and run Jen through the ins and outs of what these turtles are all about. They discuss what turtle has what personality, weapon and color of bandana, they play a game of Bad Guy or Good Guy? and they get to the bottom of just what makes these turtle teenaged. Get your anchovy pizza ...
The gang finally calls it a wrap on the Harry Podder series and special guest Laurel joins in the festivities! GC and Jen try to jog J's memory of this series as they discuss the various details of Harry's triumph over Lord Voldemort or whatever the fuck creature was under that bench. Does J leave the series with an understanding of just what makes the Harry Potter so great? Do GC and Jen enjoy this franchise as much as they remember? Is Laurel still broken up about Cedric Diggory? Have a lis...
J, Jen and GC struggle their way through the front half of the epic ending to the Harry Podder franchise as J wonders whether or not this really needed to be in 2 parts. He also seems to remember nothing from the franchise. Jen & GC try to jog his memory as the gang gears up for the final instalment of HP and tease the next franchise they will be covering. Listen in and find out!franchiseguides.wixsite.com/podcastfranchiseguides@gmail.comtwitter.com/FG_HarryPodderinstagram.com/franchisegu...
Welcome to episode 6 of the Harry Potter franchise, "The Half Chub Prince." GC & Jen have a tough time talking J out of rooting for Slytherin, this movie is drenched in horniness and we get word of a new Weird Sisters album dropping with a special guest! Listen in as they gear up for the franchise's coverage of the final book!franchiseguides@gmail.comfranchiseguides.wixsite.com/podcasttwitter.com/FG_HarryPodderinstagram.com/franchiseguides
Franchise Guides hits play on the 5th instalment of Harry Potter with "The Order of the Phoenix." Jen and GC are really starting to get this franchise straightened out for J to wrap his tiny mind around. Is Dudley Dursley quite possibly the worst piece of human trash in cinema history? Do Fred and George enjoy one another in a masturbatory fashion? Who has a big box for Ron? Find out on this episode of Franchise Guides!franchiseguides@gmail.comfranchiseguides.wixsite.com/podcasttwitter.com/FG...
J, Jen & GC welcome guest Laurel and dive into this pseudo teen high school movie. J and GC have a difficult time feeling the weight of Cedric Diggory's death but everyone has a great time jamming out to some Weird Sisters! Get your dancing shoes on! It's time for episode 4 of Franchise Guides! franchiseguides@gmail.com franchiseguides@wixsite.com/podcast twitter.com/FG_HarryPodder instagram.com/franchiseguides
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