Not By Chance Podcast

Ever feel like you're walking a tightrope when it comes to parenting teens? Get ready to transform that precarious walk into a confident stride as Dr. Tim Thane and I explore the art of intentional parenting. Discover how to turn your home into a hub of negotiation savvy, where business smarts meet family hearts, providing a solid foundation for both personal growth and career success.In a lively discussion with Dr. Thane, we uncover the nuances of co-parenting during the rollercoaster teenage years, offering you a toolkit for setting boundaries that stick. You'll learn how to influence with finesse, fostering a household environment where respect and understanding are the currencies of choice. This episode isn't just about keeping the peace; it's a guide to crafting self-enforcing agreements that honor autonomy and encourage responsibility.We wrap up with actionable advice on mastering the delicate dance of giving freedom while asserting limits. You'll walk away with strategies to turn conflicts into collaborations and understand the power of truly listening to your teen. This isn't just an episode; it's an invitation to build unshakable bridges across generational divides, equipping you for a lifetime of meaningful connections—both at the dinner table and in the boardroom. Welcome to the family-savvy revolution, where the lessons of the heart elevate the strategies of the mind.

In this episode Tim and Roxanne celebrate 10 years of the influential book “Not By Chance.” They discuss the initial struggles of publishing the book and why they did it in the first place. Ever wondered how a book could redefine an entire field? “Not By Chance” did just that. Discover how it transformed teen treatment by reinstating parents as the primary focus, shifting from program-centric to family-centric approaches. You'll hear about one impactful parent, how the book helped families transition, and why it’s been dubbed the "transition Bible". This book has even influenced the language used in treatment programs and contributed to a better understanding of transition.Lastly, we want to take a moment to express our heartfelt gratitude. To all the parents who embraced "Not by Chance" and its approach to intentional parenting - thank you. You are the pivotal force behind the book's success and your commitment to intentional parenting has brought about lasting positive changes in your homes. Whether you're a longtime reader or just discovering “Not By Chance” now, join us for this celebratory episode as we reflect on a decade of transformation and inspiration.

What if there were a way to lead your family with intention, navigating the complex dynamics of the parent-child relationship, and ultimately building a resilient bond with your teenagers? As a single parent or a member of a two-parent family, you might be seeking guidance to balance hard work and recreation, or perhaps you're embarking on the challenging journey of parenting a teenager. This episode is for you. Today, we shed light on the importance of a parental hierarchy, exploring its crucial role in fostering a healthy family environment. Parents, it's your duty to lead your pack. But fear not, our discussion is filled with tips and strategies to help you do just that. We share the inspiring story of a couple who maintained a strong bond with their daughter through setting boundaries, managing expectations, and having those all-important difficult conversations. Take a leaf from their book as you navigate your own parent-teen relationships.However, it's not all smooth sailing. The family hierarchy dynamic comes with its share of challenges, such as emotional outbursts, guilt trips, and even threats tossed in by rebellious teens. This episode offers practical advice on how to restore the family hierarchy without resorting to control, maintain your confidence, and stay grounded even when the going gets tough. Bask in the importance of leading your family with intention and the pivotal role communication plays in strengthening parent-child relationships. So, join us for an episode packed with insights, support, and hope, as we journey together in this rewarding yet challenging venture called parenting.

Imagine holding all the keys to unlock the full potential in your children. The truth is, you do! We're here to guide you on harnessing your inherent power as a parent, an indispensable force that shapes your family's success journey and happiness. In this episode, we navigate the essence of intentional parenting, the incredible influence you have, and how to step up as the indisputable agent of change in your teen's life.We delve deeper, challenging you to understand the significance of parental knowledge and the emotional dynamics in your interactions with your offspring. It's time to stop walking on eggshells and embrace your power as a proactive parent. We'll guide you on prioritizing your parenting role, sharing invaluable insights on how to regain control and create a positive, flourishing environment for your kids.Lastly, we explore the concept of parental leadership, and why it's crucial in molding successful children. We discuss the importance of having a shared vision with your co-parent, being the sturdy pillar for your kids during difficult times, and the value of personal growth in molding you to be the best leader. The conversation wraps up with the importance of effectively leveraging your parental influence and working in unison with your partner for a unified direction. Listen up, take action, and reclaim the power that's rightfully yours, the power of a parent.

Navigating the ever-evolving landscape of parenting can feel like braving stormy seas without a compass. Promising to be that guiding light, today's podcast explores the concept of intentional parenting, and how it can be the anchor amidst the turbulent waves of everyday challenges. Through the lens of personal experiences and community influences, we'll uncover how my parents, though unaware, were pioneers of this approach, and how crucial it has become in this fast-paced era.Embarking on a parenting journey requires us to be acutely self-aware, making every decision with intention. Our next discussion orbits around the trials and triumphs of co-parenting and the transformative power of intentional parenting in healing and strengthening families. We delve into the transformative work of Homeward Bound, an organization dedicated to fortifying families with knowledge and skills, designed to prevent the need for out-of-home treatment centers or wilderness programs. Lastly, we sail into the uncharted territory of coaching in parenting. Like a lighthouse guiding ships to safer shores, a parenting coach can be the beacon of support in decision-making, making the parenting journey a tad less overwhelming. We talk about how intentional parenting can shape family dynamics and patterns of behavior. As we cast our net wider, we await the positive, long-lasting transformations within our families. Don't miss out on this voyage to becoming a more aware, purposeful, and empowered parent.

Do you ever feel trapped in the cycle of "good cop, bad cop" with your partner when it comes to parenting? Have you wondered how the echoes of your own upbringing have shaped the way you parent? Tag along with us as we navigate these intricate dynamics. In the authenticity of sharing my personal journey as a newlywed, you'll find an enlightening take on how I broke a destructive cycle before it could take root. Unraveling the intricacies of harmful cycles that breed confusion, we illuminate common pitfalls parents often fall prey to. From the undermining of authority by one parent to conflict avoidance, we're dissecting these patterns and their ripple effects - extending even into the workplace. Also, we highlight the unwritten rule of honoring those who aren't present. The second act of our journey scales the highs and lows of interpersonal cycles, breaking them down to build up stronger, healthier relationships. Lastly, we delve into the bedrock of any relationship - trust. We're spinning a new narrative around trust, exploring how it can be nurtured and solidified through intentional, respectful, and supportive communication. Here's an open invitation to introspect, reflect, and identify patterns within your own family. You'll find practical ways to improve communication, deepen trust, and appreciate the lasting impact your conscious actions can have on your family. Empowered with this newfound knowledge, let's revolutionize parenting together.

The trends around parenting swing like a pendulum from authoritarian to permissive. Instinctively we know either extremes isn't ideal, but we may not know the literature around it. Studies show that authoritative parenting produces the healthiest outcomes in teens. Authoritative can be found in between the two extremes but leaning more towards authority than permissive. We all yearn for a harmonious family environment, but have you ever thought about the role hierarchy plays in achieving this? It's often seen as negative, but can be essential to maintaining order. Parenting isn't all about softness and leniency, sometimes it requires firmness, boundaries, and non-negotiable expectations. The power of proactive parenting can't be overstated - it's not just about reacting to issues, but preventing them. Just think about how establishing safety and structure within the family can nip potential problems in the bud. Let's explore together the concept of authoritative parenting as a tool for creating a safe environment for our children to grow. The journey of parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. So let's invest in it intentionally and positively shape the future of our children. Come along and let's redefine our parenting journey together.

Hilary Weeks, a top 10 Christian Billboard singer, connects with her audience by unlocking and expressing the feelings of the heart through music. Her song "Keep Going" addresses depression and has helped thousands of people individually. This interview with Hilary will make you ask how you can use music in your family’s dynamic so that it harbors safety, healing, and connection. Keep GoingIG handles:@hilaryweeksmusic@drtimthayne

Eric Turner shares stories from his life that lead him to work at Trustyy. Coming from a family that often lived paycheck to paycheck, he joined the Marines right after high school. He got to visit home after boot camp. September 11th, 2001, he was sitting on a plane ready for takeoff when he heard about the attack on the world trade center. Eric served several tours and learned a lot about leadership being in charge of 25 other marines and 50+ local police. While still in the reserves he has transitioned his career into tech and become a vital member of the Trustyy team. He has a passion for the mission of Not By Chance and Trustyy, which is to improve intentional family living. If you want to stay up to date with Trustyy and help with beta testing, sign up here. https://trustyy.com/#

Michel Benyo is a grief coach. She specializes in helping Children deal with loss in their life. Having children of her own and losing one put her through a heart wrenching journey. While grieving, she learned how to help her daughter with her grief. As you listen to Michelle's stories and practical advice, you will feel better equipped to help those in your life deal with their grief. So many of us avoid grief, but there's a reason "good grief" is a common phrase; it's because there is a good way to do it. notbychance.comhttps://www.facebook.com/goodgriefparenting/

Sherry Fernandez was a hippy turned business woman. With insane drive and 

Dianne Kosto is a mother and CEO of Symmetry Neuro-Pathway Training. Dianne had a son who was kicked out of military school and almost kicked out of a treatment program for teen boys. She fears what could've happened if she hadn't found Neurofeedback. Neurofeedback is a non-invasive alternative to medication. It is painless, drugless, free of harmful side effects, and produces noticeable improvements that can enhance the effect of other traditional therapies. If you are interested in looking more into Neurofeedback, then reach out to Dianne at Symmetryneuropt.comTakeaway: look into various options for your kid's health because there is never a silver bullet. 

Dr. Thayne interviews his wife, Roxanne, on the power of storytelling. You must be as entertaining and compelling as your competitor (social media) to influence your teen. Become a master storyteller to encourage your teen to take action, adopt value, and come closer as a family. After this episode, you will ask yourself what stories you have that would impact your teen. Challenge: Find a story in your life that teaches a principle. Take your time to craft it into something compelling and entertaining. And when you share your story, hold back from explaining the principle; let them discover it themselves.

Dr. Thayne speaks about the role of fear when we are trying to be our teen's number one influencer. Fear is natural and can be healthy in doses, but when it isn't handled right, it can spiral out of control and have a domino effect on the family. Tim explains that you have to recognize the fear first. Then you can address it by talking yourself down from expecting the worst and taking action despite your fear. Challenge: When you feel fearful, articulate what you are afraid of. Communicate with someone, talk yourself down from catastrophising, and act despite your fear. Get a copy of the Not By Chance Yearbook at https://notbychance.com/yearbook/

Listening is one of the most influential things you could do.  We might think that listening is too passive to possibly have an influence. Most of the time, however,  no one cares to be swayed by someone they feel doesn't understand them. Dr. Tim Thayne gives some practical tips on how to listen to your teen. Some of them include going into the conversation being willing to have your mind changed. Challenge: Prioritize listening. Let go of the need to control the conversation. At the end of the day ask yourself how you did.

 Along with being a deliberate example, parents need to be aware of the values you are modeling.  Today’s episode explores some virtues that seem to be less common in today’s self-centered and fast paced world.  We also discuss how to create moral literacy with stories.

Would you allow a stranger to sit on your teen's bed and talk to them for hours a day? Never. Yet this is what's happening and this is how you can put yourself back in the number one influencer position with your teen, through your deliberate, though not perfect, example.

What if you could read your teen's thoughts about themselves?  Would their story of their worth match yours about them?  Dr. Thayne talks about how the stories we choose to tell ourselves can lead to vastly different outcomes, ranging from destructive to a springboard for success.0:00Intro1:28Self Esteem Stat4:58Student Body President9:04Daughter Wants To Drop Out14:07App Announcement15:15Driving To the Airport17:11Closing Self Esteem Talk20:23Outro

Dr. Thayne takes this opportunity to share with Casi Fariello of OPLM why he felt it was time to turn his attention to the needs of families after their teen's out-of-home treatment programs.  He shares his journey from an owner and therapist in a wilderness treatment program, to working where the "rubber meets the road" of therapeutic treatment . . . in the home.

"As we get stronger, our family gets stronger."  In today's episode, Dr. Thayne introduces listeners to Casie Fariello, the CEO of "Other Parents Like Me," a virtual membership platform that went live in January of 2022. Casie retired from United Airlines after 26 years in December of 2022 to follow her passion to co-found the program after creating parent support groups at Balance Continuum of Care in Arizona in 2020 and is a Parent Coach and Facilitator for The Partnership to End Addiction.We discuss the fact that parents all deal with similar issues around good communication, setting boundaries, self-care and self-regulation.  While it’s easy to judge or compare your situation to others, it's imperative to find common ground with others through a journey of curiosity, change and discovery.