The Unbreakable Boundaries Podcast

Another Reddit Story/Question. What was dating in recovery like for you?

Another Reddit Story for you. This one is AITA for refusing to forgive my drug addict BIL. 

I share my perspective on how to cope with a loved one's addiction, emphasizing the importance of setting boundaries.

What happens when mothers and daughters have to “adult” together? In this episode, My mom, Lynn Carnes and myself, along with another mother Christine Dickson and her daughter Lauren Martinson got together and talked about the challenges, the experiences, the memories, and some hard conversations we've experienced and how we navigated them, as well as the healing journey we've taken to mend, repair, grow, and thrive in our relationship with one another.We did something different with this podcast and invited people to listen in LIVE. So we put together a 2 hour event to really be able to dive deep into this conversation. 

Are you willing to dive into some of the things that are coming up for you in order to be the support person that your loved one needs?

Caroline Holke works with Type A, high performing women who drink more than they intend to sometimes. It wouldn't be classified as a drinking problem, but they have a problem with using it as a crutch and want to get their control back. They hire her to get rid of the shitty parts of drinking (and this doesn't necessarily mean all drinking) and this enables them to build a life that they enjoy so much that they don't want to numb out of it. Most people focus on what to DO to cut back on their drinking, Caroline helps her clients tease out what is "driving them to drink" in the first place. Addressing these underlying, root causes helps her clients create sustainable change in their relationship with drinking.

Chelsea is a Narcotics Unit Paralegal Specialist with the U.S. Attorney's Office for the Eastern District of Virginia, and a member of Silent No More. Addiction has rattled just about every one of her family members, ultimately claiming the lives of her two oldest brothers Steven and Scott. Steven passed away from a heroin overdose in 2009 and Scott passed away from an overdose attributed to a mixture of Fentanyl and a new synthetic opioid called Isotonitrazene. Her stepdad passed away from cirrhosis of the liver caused by his decades long alcohol addiction. Chelsea's birth mother has been an addict for years, falling victim to heroin, crack, and other drugs. Her youngest brother has been on opiates since he was about 13 or 14 and is now 30. She wants to share her story and have these uncomfortable conversations to end the stigma associated with addiction.   Chelsea wants to keep Steven and Scott's stories alive, and she wants to be an example that your circumstances today do not warrant your path tomorrow. She wants her story to spread hope to those personally battling addiction and those affected by watching their loved one’s battle addiction. Together, we can fight this.Topics:The power of sharing from the heart and the power of stories.What was the turning point in your life?My mom’s overdose in front of me.Was there a significant change in the way you saw your mom in that moment?Growing up in foster care and the military Why did you never go down the drug abuse road?Never felt the need to escape from addiction.Bobby’s brother dies from addiction.You have a choice to see the negative or the positive in life.Mental health isn’t going to get fixed overnight.

Michel has lived through absolute hell and can smile on the other side of the abyss.Her life's work is to facilitate healing and to guide people back to the knowingness of their own inner strength and to not just survive, but to live their lives fully.Outline:What does it mean to live in absolute hell?At the time that you are experiencing this, what were some of the beliefs that you had about your life and why?The day she met her son’s father.Looking at the problem from different angles and different ways.What were some of the layers that came up when she was looking at it from different angles?What is body talk? What does it mean?What is EMDR? How does it work?Six sessions is a good time to feel like you’re getting a sense of who you are working with.Website: https://www.bodytalkwithmichel.com/Email: Michel@bodytalkwithmichel.com

Tanya D. is a Certified meditation instructor (C.MI™), Usui/Holy Fire® III Karuna Reiki® Master, Sound Vibrational Reiki Healing Practitioner, Animal Reiki practitioner, Certified spiritual life coach, and Yoga4Sobriety Teacher Ambassador / Student Liason.She uses her experience, strength, hope, intuition, and teacher trainings to help people find peace and serenity in recovery from addiction. In recovery herself, she offers a unique holistic approach to finding freedom in recovery through trauma-sensitive chakra/12-step focused meditation, chakra energy healing, and spiritual life coaching.

Know Hope North Carolina's mission is to remember those we have lost, support those in recovery and give hope to those still struggling.  Create memorial banner and billboards with faces of those lost to addiction in NC.  Refer clients to detox and treatment centers.  Facilitate grief groups.Outline of Podcast Topics·      The power of creating a space to honor your feelings in a safe way. 8:17·      Grief doesn’t always have to be a direct result of a loss. 15:24·      Don’t go down the road of “enabling”. 21:53·      “They weren’t my answers to find.”. 24:11·      What are some of the regrets that you have? 33:40·      Life goes on, we don’t move on. 37:07·      Don’t quit! Find your something! 43:11·      What would you tell your loved ones that are still going through this? Website: https://www.knowhopenorthcarolina.com/Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/4283060278435570

In this episode, Tracy and I get into a great conversation about what do kids need and how that translates later in life. Safety, Security, and Love are three important things and in that, creating a safe place to be heard and how important connection is. Tracy Redfearn is a Licensed Psychoeducational Specialist who is certified by the SC Board of Education as a School Psychologist II, the National Association of School Psychologists as a Nationally Certified School Psychologist, and the International Association of Trauma Professionals as a Child and Adolescent Trauma Professional. Tracy founded Child and Family Resource Center in 2012 because she was concerned with the need in Hartsville for effective intervention services to help provide children and adolescents with successful educational experiences. Tracy has been instrumental in helping many children who struggle to meet their potential in the classroom through her expertise in assessments, learning differences, and knowledge of SC Special Education practices and procedures. Her educational intervention recommendations focus on the unique social, emotional, behavioral and academic needs of each student she sees. For optimal results, she collaborates closely with parents, educators and other professionals to help create supportive learning environments while strengthening connections between home, school and the community. Tracy understands special education laws and is passionate about the rights of students with special needs. She educates parents on their rights and serves as an advocate at 504 and IEP meetings. As a psychologist in the school system for over a decade, Tracy saw firsthand how grief, loss and trauma can interfere with learning. To help hurting families cope, she has been offering grief camps ( All Seasons Grief Camp ). Through therapeutic activities that include art, horseback riding, music, movement and breathing, and classes on grief and emotional support, families are able to push past their pain. Family members memorialize their loved ones in a ceremony at the conclusion.

It can be a really confusing time when your loved one gets out of rehab. It can be confusing for you as well as them. It's emotional, it's a little chaotic and not at all what you would expect it to look like. In this next podcast, I share a little bit about what you can expect. This is generalization, so if you have questions about your own loved one, please reach out to me. jennifermconsulting@gmail.commaneelyconsulting.com

In this episode, Michele Rogers shares with us her journey of losing her son. This was a powerful conversation about what happens next as well as her experience. The biggest take away from this conversation is, this is not a parenting problem. Here is just a little of Michele's story and what she has to say:I grew up in Tidewater Virginia and later attended Saint Leo College in Florida. I had two sons, Clayton (1989) and Bradley (1992). When I divorced in 1996 I moved with my young sons to Waynesville, NC. I worked in hospitality and marketing. I met my husband in 1999 and was remarried in 2003. I became a Real Estate Broker in 2005 and worked in sales until buying a Property Management Company in 2010. My husband and I are both NC Real Estate Brokers and together with our small staff, we manage over 400 long term rental properties for our company Select Homes. When my oldest son, Clay, was in her very early 20s he had a sinus surgery and was over-prescribed pain pills. He became addicted to the pain pills and entered treatment for the first time in 2012. His pain pill addiction turned into a heroin addiction around 2015. From 2012-2018 Clay cycled in nd out of rehab, being substance free, relapsing and back to rehab. In September of 2018 after being substance free for 11 months, Clay relapsed and last his life to fentanyl.After losing my son, I knew I wanted to do something to help other family members navigate the lonely journey of having a loved one with SUD and the even lonelier grief journey after losing someone to Substance Passing. I met Lisa Falbo and we learned that we had this in common and together we started the 501(c)3 - The SHARE Project. SHARE stands for Spreading Hope and Awareness and Removing the Epidemic Stigma. We hold events including quarterly workshops to bring awareness and education of the drug epidemic. We sit on several drug awareness and prevention coalitions throughout our county and region. We facilitate two monthly support groups - SMART RECOVERY FAMILY & FRIENDS for those who have loved ones struggling with SUD and GRASP - Grief Recovery After Substance Passing. We host an annual Drug Awareness Walk and Event as well as an annual International Overdose Awareness Event. This past may we had almost 300 people attend out Annual Walk and Awareness Event.When I'm not working at my property management company  or with The SHARE Project, I enjoy traveling with my husband, Rick and spending time with my two grandsons, Elijah (8) and Wyatt (4).Additional LinksThe Share ProjectA Mother's Pledge

Lisa grew up having a great family life with 3 brothers. She moved from Ohio to NC when she was twelve 12. She has two sons from first marriage and divorced after 9 years of marriage. Lisa raised her boys as a single mom and home schooled them until they entered high school. Their high school years were full of struggles, some normal, some not. Both boys started using drugs in their mid-teens. Sam (oldest son) escalated to IV drug use and meth. He was "in recovery" on MAT (Medically Assisted Treatment) for several years into his 20's where he relapsed. He found himself in and out of trouble. Ultimately, he overdosed and passed at the age of 27. Troy (youngest son) has been in and out of active drug use for over 10 years. Currently incarcerated. Lisa remarried in 2015 and currently works as a certified personal trainer. She is an independent small "business" owner and Co-founder of The SHARE Project, an awareness/support/educational organization with the goal of de-stigmatizing addiction so it is looked at as a treatable disorder.

My next episode includes a guest that made a new year's resolution to get sober and 4 years later, she is still sober. She talks with us about her journey into sobriety and how she did it. It wasn't the typical path, and it has shown to be successful for her. She writes openly about it in her blog titled "Wishes from the Bottom"This was her first time speaking about and I am honored to have had her as a guest on this podcast. Pamela O’Leary is the Founder and CEO of Blossom Badass, an empowerment company. Previously, her background includes roles in management consulting, tech, the nonprofit sector and higher education, including work on Capitol Hill and at the United Nations.

You hear it all the time with people who have loved ones with substance abuse issues. The "Letting go". But what does that really mean. Sometimes we have a misconception on what "Letting Go" really means. It's more about letting go of our ideas of what should be or shouldn't be. This is what this podcast explores. 

Linda Sue Key is my next guest on the Unbreakable Boundaries Podcast. She is a Mother of a son who has been in his addiction for over 25 yrs. She worked for over 20 years as a substance abuse counselor, including working in a men's prison. Recently, she started a new ministry called "The Key to Recovery is a Mother's Love." She loves the Lord with all her heart and God has called her to help moms of addicted adult children overcome the chaos, confusion, and brokenness that substance abuse can bring by finding balance, compassion and hope through prayer, education, and support.Facebook Group: Moms Helping Moms of Adult Children Struggling with AddictionEmail: Linda.Sue.Key@gmail.com

When we go out to get support and our emotional needs met, we have to be careful and make sure we are going to people that can give us what we need. Some people just can't give you what you are asking for. Within that, we have to be clear about what we are asking for and who we are going to. Otherwise, we end up in a worse space going to the wrong people. 

The Exchange Principle is something I use to navigate a lot of my decisions when it comes time to help someone. I want to make sure I am helping, and that means I can't put more energy into something that the other person is willing to. When people ask for favors, help, or anything that involves putting my energy or money into the equation, I run through this thought process first. 

Creating unbreakable boundaries is really about honoring yourself and others. In this episode, Dr. Susan and I get into some really great conversations about creating awareness around the question that Dr. Susan loves to ask, "Why does this make sense?"  Having a loved one with substance abuse is complex, challenging, and it's important that we can honor ourselves and really see ourselves, hear ourselves and be willing to listen to ourselves. About Dr. SusanFor over 35 years Dr. Susan has successfully worked in the field of psychological, emotional and relationship health in a variety of settings and roles. She has helped thousands of individuals and families to improve their relationships in all aspects of their lives and achieve their goals.  Dr. Susan is a therapist, international coach, professor, mentor and thought leader. In addition to regularly being quoted in the media, Dr. Susan is the producer and host of the television talk show Your Voice with Dr. Susan.  To learn more go to drsusanbirnestone.com https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/susan-birne-stone-brooklyn-ny/300230 or contact her at drsusanbirnestone@gmail.com