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Dr. Rachelle is married to a firefighter and Dr. Alma is married to a police officer, they are both child and family psychologists, and here to discuss relatable and important information relevant to navigating your first responder marriage, parenting, and wellness. This is a podcast for first responder spouses by first responder spouses, and they discuss the research and realities related to the first responder family life while also sharing their own stories of navigating this lifestyle.
55 Episodes
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Why does it always seem so hard to take time away from the kids in this life? If it's not your feelings of guilt, or the schedule, it's childcare challenges. In this episode Dr. Rachelle (Fire Wife) and Dr. Alma (Police Wife) discuss the recent ways they have been able to navigate taking time away from the kids and the challenges that have come up.
It's in the daily ins and outs that we notice the little ways the career impacts our lives, good and bad. The way our kids play, the conversations we have at home, and the way we schedule our lives. Here's a couple of stories from Dr. Rachelle (Fire Wife) and Dr. Alma (Police Wife) on how the career has had impacts on their lives recently and reflections on how first responders can support their families in their adjustment.
Having kids you always hear from others, "Enjoy it! It goes by so fast!" and "You'r so lucky to get so much time home with your kids!" So why does it feel so hard to enjoy on some days? And why do the days feel so long!? In this episode Dr. Rachelle (Fire Wife) and Dr. Alma (Police Wife) talk about personal experiences with their own kids and some of the most challenging parts of their days.
As a first Responder spouse we have to manage a lot from the schedule conflicts, sacrificed time together, unpredictable events and emotions, and so much more. Why is it that it often feels as though our challenging role is not seen? Do you ever feel like your sacrifice is invisible at times? In this episode, Dr. Rachelle (Fire Wife) and Dr. Alma (Police Wife) discuss the chaos of home life and reflect on that invisibility spouses often feel.
In the first responder family life, scheduling can be such a challenge. It's hard to find time to do every day things not to mention time away together for your marriage. In this episode, Dr. Rachelle (Fire Wife) and Dr. Alma (Police Wife) discuss how they find the time with their spouse and challenges that always seem to get in the way.
It's never out of sight out of mind over here in first responder marriages. Even when they are gone the plans we make with family, friends, and even the meals we prepare, seem to all have to take their schedule into consideration. We keep them at the front of our minds. This is sweet! Until t turns into feelings of rejection, or hurt, or resentment. Dr. Rachelle (Fire Wife) and Dr. Alma (Police Wife) discuss the simple things spouses do in their everyday lives that can have big impacts on their feelings and relationships.
Too many spouses are feeling the extra weight of the first responder profession right now and feeling alone with it. If you're feeling exhausted by the constant mandatory overtimes and new demands of the department... you're not alone. Listen in as Dr. Rachelle (Fire Wife) and Dr. Alma (Police Wife) discuss all that's gong on for so many first responder families right now and know that you're not alone. First responders are getting hit hard and that means we as a family FEEL it.
As a First Responder spouse we often go in and out of survival mode depending on whether we are single parenting or co-parenting. This may cause us to actually adopt two different parenting styles or ways to run the household. It can often feel like our life pauses a moment and then they return and we're back. The transition in and out of this is a challenge for the whole family. In this episode, Dr. Rachelle (Fire Wife) and Dr. Alma (Police Wife) do some deep reflecting on all the challenges this may pose for first responder families and how it plays out in their own.
As a first responder spouse you may or may not feel pressure to be "one of the good ones." What does that actually mean? Or what should it mean? Have you ever felt the need to hold in your own emotions about how things are going simply because you know how emotionally taxing their career is? In this episode, Dr. Rachelle (Fire Wife) and Dr. Alma (Police Wife) discuss the potential experiences spouses may have around these topics and what that might look like in a marriage. Added bonus, Dr. Rachelle discusses her "marriage contact."
When you are the spouse of a first responder you take on a lot of additional responsibilities at home. It can be hard to accept this reality since it wasn't your career choice. However, it can be very helpful to mentally commit to your own "shift" in order to survive. In this episode, Dr. Rachelle (Fire Wife) and Dr. Alma (Police Wife) discuss committing to the "shift," why it is not helpful to compare who's "shift" is more challenging between you and your first responder, and why this topic may come up in the first place.
Has your first responder ever said, "You knew this was part of the job..." as though this shouldn't be an issue. And maybe you did... so why is it that you are still having a hard time with the challenges that arise? Because it's HARD!! Just because you may have known what was in store for your future with your first responder's job, does not make the challenges more manageable. In this episode Dr. Rachelle (Fire Wife) and Dr. Alma (Police Wife) discuss some of the reasons why "knowing" what's in store does not change how well you adjust to the significant challenges that you need to overcome being married to a first responder.
We have said it before, first responder kids are more likely to be anxious and worried. The career and you as parents, may play a role in this. In this episode, Dr. Rachelle (Fire Wife) and Dr. Alma (Police Wife) discuss a framework of anxiety in kids that specifically addresses your role as the parent. They go over what you may be doing based on the first responder career demands and what you can do differently to help your kids better manage their worries.
Like most first responder spouses you might be guilty of sending those long texts about all the chaos that is happening at home while they are on shift. How the tree fell over, the dog went crazy, the kids are out of control... and the list goes on. Do you know what your first responder is thinking when you text that? Do the two of you discuss the most helpful way to respond to one another about that stuff so you feel less alone with it? In this episode, Dr. Rachelle (Fire Wife) and Dr. Alma (Police Wife) discuss what they notice in couples and their own relationships and give you some topics to discuss with your own spouse about this.
First Responder families are usually pretty familiar with the the apps that can be used for 24 hour access to 911 calls associated with the department your first responder spouse works for. In this episode, Dr. Rachelle (Fire Wife) and Dr. Alma (Police Wife) discuss boundaries around these and the many uses, and misuses, that can come from using scanners and pulse point at home.
How would your spouse describe your parenting style? It can be common to hear that first responders have a "short fuse" when it comes to addressing their children. I've also heard of first responders feeling their spouse is too lenient with the kids and feel negative behaviors from their children are the result of that. Dr. Rachelle (Fire Wife) and Dr. Alma (Police Wife) discuss what research tells us about parenting styles, how they impact your kids, and how these can commonly show up in first responder homes.
Household and family responsibilities multiply when you have kids. Unfortunately, as a first responder spouse, a lot of these responsibilities can fall on you when your partner works long shifts, odd hours, and is mandatoried in to work for even more hours. When your kids are little this can feel extremely overwhelming and lonely. Dr. Rachelle (Fire Wife) and Dr. Alma (Police Wife) discuss some of their young families' recent challenges and the knowledge they have taken from spouses that have survived it all.
Going from single parenting to double parenting has its challenges. As the non first responder spouse you can find yourself handing less and less things off since household responsibilities often default to you. In this episode, Dr. Rachelle (Fire Wife) and Dr. Alma (Police Wife) discuss how they split responsibilities with their spouses even when they are home and can be helping... and reassure you that changing it up will NOT ruin your kids.
In this Episode, Dr. Rachelle (Fire Wife) and Dr. Alma (Police Wife) catch up on the chaos of recent vacations with new families of 4 as well as reflect on challenges of the first responder family and whether or not they resent the career or all the ways life could be more simple.
The first responder career can really be all consuming. Everything going on at work is an emergency calling for the first responder’s attention. It can consume their identity, the stories they tell, and the lens they hold. In this episode, Dr. Rachelle (Fire Wife) and Dr. Alma (Police Wife) discuss some thoughts around boundary setting at home when it comes to things like emails and stories from work.
Referring to their pension is of course a joke we couldn't resist... but REALLY as a first responder spouse we find ourselves carrying so much! We hold so many things regarding family schedules and planning as well as emotionally worrying about the dangers our spouses face daily. We often don't even say these things out loud, we just recharge and move forward. In this episode, Dr. Rachelle (Fire Wife) and Dr. Alma (Police Wife) discuss what a particularly hard week it has been for both of them managing the family while their husband's have been at work and reflect on all the things they hold on to while they navigate this life.
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