ReThinking Caregiving

It's been almost two years since I started this podcast. I would like to thank you for taking us with you in your car, while you do the dishes, on your walks. I feel humbled that my knowledge helps you out there, even though we have never met. I am taking an indefinite break from doing this podcast.Thank you once again. Support the showFollow Us on Instagram & Facebook

As the new year starts, you are probably going through the caregiver experience once again. You know it is tough, but you can do it.  You were built for this. Support the showFollow Us on Instagram & Facebook

Being diagnosed with life threatening cancer can be one of the most challenging situations one can go through. As a caregiver, you don’t have it easy either, walking beside your spouse as they go through this life altering experience, observing how your own mind brings up all the unprocessed stuff that you probably were not aware of until this time, can be nerve wrecking.It is so easy to be grateful when things are going the way we want them to.. but studies show that gratitude helps us become resilient, gives us hope, in times of adversity.In this episode I share a few stories of some caregivers and patients that found good things happened to them as a result of the cancer diagnosis. I hope you learn something. Support the showFollow Us on Instagram & Facebook

I have done this, and you probably heard other people who have done the same.  When we meet people who are going through a difficult time, we are quick to say comforting words to them, in an attempt to make them feel better.But what is the real reason behind this? Why do we want other people to feel better? What is wrong with experiencing the other side of life?In this week's episode, I talk about why we are so preoccupied with making other people feel better. Take a listen.Resources:Get our FREE guide on how to improve your own wellbeing so you are in a better position to help your spouse. Support the showFollow Us on Instagram & Facebook

You have probably been encouraged to be positive as your loved one is going through cancer treatments. Nothing wrong with that all... However, I spoke to a caregiver who said that all this feeling positive all the time, was making her feel like she about to explode. In today's episode, I talk about how to be positive, as well as the importance of creating space and learning from negative emotion. Resources:Download our FREE guide on how to care for your well being, so you care for your loved one. Support the showFollow Us on Instagram & Facebook

‘Many’ caregivers say that they experience a lot of shame from different situations. Or maybe you said something or you behaved in a way that you didn't like. Or maybe you think you should have done something differently. Feeling like you are not enough, because you have a certain image of how you want things to be.Shame can be such a debilitating emotion when we let it run our lives. In this episode, I walk you through how you can identify the causes of shame, how to process shame, and what you can do the next time you feel ashamed!Resources:Get our FREE guide on how to take care of your own well-being so you can help care for your loved one. Support the showFollow Us on Instagram & Facebook

The Holiday Season is here, for some caregivers, they constantly wonder whether it maybe the last one with their loved ones.  In this episode, I talk about how to approach the holiday season even when this maybe your loved one's.It is not the holiday season that is causing you to dread the holiday season, it is what you think about the holiday season. Resources:Download our FREE GUIDE on how to take care of your well being. Support the showFollow Us on Instagram & Facebook

As human beings, we do what we do so we can feel good. But many of us were brought up to believe that it is the other peoples responsibility to make us feel good or worse etc..The problem with that way of thinking is that we can’t control the actions of other people.  Manipulation, threats and ultimatums work for shorter periods of time. In this episode, I talk about why it is important to take responsbility of our own thoughts and actions because only you, knows what you want or how you want to feel. Support the showFollow Us on Instagram & Facebook

You know that you want to create a deeper connection with your loved one. But you are not sure why instead, the distance between you is growing. Many times we live unconsciously, creating results in our lives that at the end of the day we don't want. Our brain is the command centre,  of everything in our lives. When don't know how to direct the brain to where we want to go, we will always ask our selves why we get the results we get in our lives. In this episode, talk more about how our thoughts about circumstances in our lives create emotions within us, and how those emotions fuel the actions we take or lack there of. I hope you find some nuggets in this episode. Support the showFollow Us on Instagram & Facebook

Sometimes when we are caring for our loved one, it is easier to forget the patient’s interests. We don’t even consult them about what they need, we think we know what is best for them. We don’t want to face the reality that is our loved ones are dying, the treatments aren’t working etc.. because we don’t want to feel the emotions associated with that.When we embrace a crisis, we see the options available to us; many people describe this stage as peaceful, because there is no fighting reality. Who do you want to be? The person who opens up to a crisis and becomes stronger? Or the person who pushes their head in the sand hoping for things to go away?As human beings, we are incredibly resilient. A lot of people have gone through indescribable tragedies, and they are still here today.Resources:Get our FREE GUIDE on how to care for your wellbeing so you can be able to care for your loved one. Support the showFollow Us on Instagram & Facebook

What other people say to us are outside of our control. But our thoughts about what they said create emotions in us, then those emotions drive the actions we take. What your loved one said doesn't affect you , until you have a thought(s) about it.In this week's episode, I talk about how what happens outside of us, is neutral until we have thoughts about it. Take a listen. Resources:Download our FREE guide on how to care for yourself first, so that you are in a bettter position to help your spouse and children. Support the showFollow Us on Instagram & Facebook

Our thoughts cause our feelings, then our feelings fuel our actions - In this case the action is - eating.There is an emotion that precedes the action of eating; there is a thought or story that precedes that emotion. What would you be doing if you were not eating? You could feel all the feelings that come up. Feelings are just that - feelings. Though they may be uncomfortable, they don't kill us. When we allow them to be there, instead of resisting, they will go away and then come back.Support the showFollow Us on Instagram & Facebook

We have been conditioned to think that we can solve for our children’s emotional wellbeing. The truth of the matter is that we cannot. Dr. Wayne Dyer said that our children come through us - because that is how procreation works. But they are not for us. Contrary to what we have been told, we don’t own our children. Just like us, our children have good and bad days. Because life is 50% good and 50% bad. Because we have both positive and negative emotions. Our children are not problems to be solved. It is not our job to make them happy. Because happiness, just like any other emotion, comes from our thoughts. Children are going through biological and changes in their bodies, their brains aren’t yet fully developed to comprehend and understand concepts the way we adults do.We can let our children feel sad, angry, frustrated etc.. because those emotions are a part of being human. All human beings go through those emotions. It is appropriate to be sad, frustrated, angry etc…when your parent is diagnosed with a life threatening cancer. Resources:Download our FREE GUIDE on how to care for your own well being first, so you can help care for your loved one. Support the showFollow Us on Instagram & Facebook

One part of our brain’s job is to look out for harm and unfamiliar situations. This helped our ancestors live well during those times they lived in caves. This part of the brain protected our ancestors from wild animals, eating poisonous plants and berries etcFortunately, today we don’t have the same worries as our ancestors did. We have houses, electricity, we have better hospital facilities, treatments, our chances of being eaten by wild animals are minimal compared to many centuries ago; but our protective brain hasn’t evolved.In this episode, I talk about the different ways we can redirect our primitive brain to minimize are reactive-ness to circumstances in our lives. Resources:Download our FREE GUIDE on how to take care of your wellbeing first, so you can help care for your loved one as they go through cancer treatments. Follow us on Instagram & Facebook Support the showFollow Us on Instagram & Facebook

As a caregiver, there are a lot of things that are unknown.  A lot of things your brain will interpret as scary - sending you down the rabbit hole of fear. The more you try to resist the emotion of fear, by eating, drinking or whatever we human beings do to try to ignore feeling fear, the more your brain will fixate on it.Fear has its benefits. When you are about to be hit by a car then you jump to the curb. When your child is about to fall and catch them. Resources:Download our FREE guide on how to get started on taking care of your own wellbeing. Support the showFollow Us on Instagram & Facebook

Not taking care of your own wellbeing.I.e being aware of what you are thinking - not all of it of course. How to become aware of what you are thinking. I.e journalingQuestioning your thoughts, helps you realize what beliefs and expectations you have for yourself and your spouse. Answering your own questions - to avoid overwhelm and confusionEmbracing negative emotion - helps you become brave + teaches you compassion- when we let ourselves experience painful emotions, it deepens our compassion for others who are experiencing painful emotions. ( allowing ourselves to meet bad experiences without resistance and rejection, we get closer to the best versions of ourselves.)How do you embrace negative emotions? There are different ways to do it.Not setting boundaries for themselvesResources:Download our FREE GUIDE on how to take care of your own wellbeing first, so you help care for your spouse.Support the showFollow Us on Instagram & Facebook

During the caregiving experience, there can be a lot of people coming and going in your life. Many of those people mean well, but we can have certain thoughts about well meaning people, thoughts that may cause overwhelm. In this episode, I talk about the boundaries; how do we set healthy boundaries without manipulating the other person?Resources:Download our FREE GUIDE on how to care for your own well being first, so you help care for your spouse. Support the showFollow Us on Instagram & Facebook

What ever thought you choose to believe, the brain will find evidence to prove it to you. When you think that you wish you had more freedom, your brain will find all that evidence to prove what you are thinking- leading to a belief. When your brain offers you a question of how can I create freedom in my life,  answer that question.  Don’t let the question swirl around in your brain.  Unanswered questions cause confusion and overwhelm.  Resources:Download our FREE GUIDE on how to care for your own well being, so you can be in a better position to care for your loved one. Support the showFollow Us on Instagram & Facebook

Your husband was diagnosed with colon cancer. A lot is changing at a fast pace, your family dynamic is changing. Accepting his diagnosis seems so hard right now.  It is so distressing for me as his spouse to see him so scared. People are wondering how I am coping, but to be honest, I am falling apart on the inside.You love your spouse, and want him to be well. He is not doing well. What would you want to feel in order to support them? What thought would you want to lead to that feeling?In this week's episode, I talk about how you can best your spouse during their cancer treatments. Resources:Download our FREE guide on how to take care of your own well being first, to be able to help your spouse. Support the showFollow Us on Instagram & Facebook

We can’t make life unfold the way we want it. We get frustrated because of the thoughts we have about how life has unfolded. Should or should not are perception words. They indicate that something, a situation is supposed to be different than what it actually is….You try to get your spouse to feel good, and not be down etc…. But you can’t prevent him from feeling negative emotion. It is a part of their life’s journey. HOlding space of for the people in our lives when they are experiencing negative emotion; is one of the most difficult things we can learn to do as humans. Resources:Download our FREE GUIDE on how to care for your own well being first, so you are in a better position to do the same for your loved one. Follow us on Instagram & FacebookSupport the showFollow Us on Instagram & Facebook