A Mile in My Moccasins

For nearly her whole life, Kayla had thought she was crazy. After a rough childhood, her anxiety and depression were getting the best of her. A work seminar on ACEs lead by Susan Beaulieu taught her how adverse childhood experiences had wired her brain and shaped her behaviors. It was the first step in fundamentally changing how she moves through the world. But the old anxiety and depression still creep up on her at the worst of times. How can she keep them at bay? Jeep learned about ACEs by accident. He had wandered into a room full of women to say hello to his old friend Susan Beaulieu and he stayed to learn about ACES. Taking the ACES assessment that day flipped a light switch in his mind. The great number of early traumas in his life had taken a toll on him -- and he committed to making sure he wouldn't pass those down to the grandchildren he cares for. But how can he make sure that’s happening?

Kayla is relieved to learn that she struggles with depression and anxiety - not because she is crazy - but because of trauma from her childhood. And Susan can relate.

Jeep shares about his early trauma and we realize that he recreated that chaos and trauma in his later life. But after getting sober and learning about ACEs — he’s peeling back the layers of trauma and changing his life, and healing his body, mind and spirit. Lessons that will help his daughter and his grandkids.

Kayla and Melissa are scheduled to have a few more interviews but Kayla doesn’t make it to any of them. Melissa is worried that Kayla is triggered by the first conversation they had where Kayla talked about the devastating trauma she experienced as a child. Melissa thinks maybe she’s hiding from the world, trying to comfort herself curled in a ball under the covers. But Melissa is wrong.

Susan and Kayla talk about triggers - where they come from and the impact they have. They tell the story of how they learned meditation can help them keep their brains out of the “trauma time machine” - at least some of the time. And you get a chance to meditate along with us.

Since learning about ACEs, Jeep has been trying to make good decisions about how to raise his three grandchildren ages 10, 8 and 6. But in this call, Jeep realizes to care for them more fully, he needs to look at his own childhood trauma.

Jeep grew up in a family that loved each other but never said the words. Now that he’s taking care of his grandchildren, he’s realized that just doesn’t cut it with them. As hard as it is for a man to be vulnerable and emotional - Jeep is learning how.

Kayla and Susan have struggled to be he supportive loving parents they wan to be when their kids show anger or upset. Through their work with ACEs they both realize - it’s because anger and upset are triggering or more accurately — activate their nervous system’s trauma response. So how can they handle the trigger so they can be the kind of parents they want to be?

Kayla describes a low moment when she feels the weight of the grief and hopelessness of her ACEs. But the feeling doesn’t last long because she has figured out how to recognize what’s happening and reach out for support from people who love her. Kayla and her friend KJ tell us how she learned to do that. Surprisingly - it involves sushi in Fargo.

After Susan gives a presentation to medical students about historical trauma and Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) I wonder - why do doctors need to know about this stuff? Susan says indigenous knowledge and western science both acknowledge the physical impacts of emotional and spiritual wounds. So how and when will the medical community catch on to both indigenous wisdom and western research?

Susan is dealing with a new level of grief after her father dies. It’s an invitation to work more deeply on generational grief that’s been pass down as a trauma.

After spending the last 11 episodes sharing the ins and out of their work to come to terms with trauma and begin their journey to heal, Kayla Jeep and Susan think about what comes next. Jeep is thinking of transforming his relationship with his daughter after her 2 years of sobriety. Kayla is finding ways to use her gifts to wrap children up in love. And Susan maps out how to broaden and deepen healing work in tribal communities.