Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship

Episode #96: I have been a Gretchen Rubin fan since 2009 when I read The Happiness Project the week it came out. Who could resist that cover and concept? And I cannot believe this, but I got to discuss my favorite topic, friendship, with Gretchen Rubin on Dear Nina. In celebration of Gretchen's paperback release of Life in Five Senses: How Exploring the Senses Got Me Out of My Head and Into the World, I am replaying our episode from about a year ago. I found my favorite parts of the episode and put it together.  We covered:The art of listening for what is being said and what is not being said in conversations with friends.The sound, sight, and touch of mixtapes plus our attempt to hatch a new business idea. The sound and touch of mahjongThe joy of tasting partiesThe nostalgia inherent in taste or even discussing foods we used to eat with friendsThe distracting sight of friends checking their phones and watchesThe sight of friends' faces and the emotions we read on their facesMaking plans to see sights with friends and the memories createdHugging friends! (I've gotten better at this since we first spoke.)And we took a quick dip into The Four Tendencies for me to share my husband being the Upholder of all Upholders.Take the "most neglected sense" quiz here.  Meet Gretchen RubinGretchen Rubin is one of today’s most influential observers of happiness and human nature. She’s the author of many books, including the blockbuster New York Times bestsellers Life in Five Senses, Outer Order, Inner Calm; The Four Tendencies; Better Than Before; and The Happiness Project. Her books have sold more than 3.5 million copies worldwide, in more than thirty languages. She hosts the top-ranking, award-winning podcast “Happier with Gretchen Rubin,” where she explores practical solutions for living a happier life. Raised in Kansas City, she lives in New York City with her husband and two daughters. You can find everything you need at gretchenrubin.com. * All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab. Let's connect over all things friendship! My Substack newsletter about friendship & more Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest Instagram , TikTok, Twitter, Youtube, Threads JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group Ask an anonymous question

Episode #95: Oversharing, overtalking, undertalking, undersharing, small talk, deep talks, mismatches in vulnerability, and the art of listening---these are the tricky friendship topics we are dealing with today. I'm joined by Micaela Blei, a GrandSLAM-winning storyteller and former founding Director of Education at The Moth.Topics we covered:There is no right or wrong in how much to talk or how much to share. The words "over" or "under" signal a potential mismatch in conversation styles. The connection between overtalking and over-explaining (the fear of being misunderstood).Ways to sense when someone is ready to move beyond small talk.How the dynamics of managing new friendship conversations is similar to flirtingSome lessons from storytelling include: an awareness of "airtime," listening attentively (no phone), not confusing your friends for your audience. It takes work to share with friends, and it takes work to listen.Flexibility between deep and casual conversations is a sign of true intimacy in a friendship.Learning not to take responsibility for the success of every conversation.  (That one was for me to work on myself!)Meet Micaela Blei, PhD: Micaela has been teaching, studying and performing true, personal storytelling worldwide since 2012. She is a two-time Moth GrandSLAM winner and former founding Director of Education at The Moth. She’s currently the visiting professor of Storytelling at the Salt Institute for Documentary Studies in Portland, Maine, and a story editor for history, comedy and true crime shows at Wondery.Micaela’s own storytelling can be heard on The Moth Radio Hour and podcast, Family Ghosts, Risk! and many others. Her Audible Original memoir, “You Will Not Recognize Your Life,” will be released on Audible later this year. Find out more, and hear more stories, at micaelablei.com. * All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab. Let's connect over all things friendship! My Substack newsletter about friendship & more Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest Instagram , TikTok, Twitter, Youtube, Threads JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group Ask an anonymous question

Episode #94: Everyone runs into bumps in their friendships. Trust me, I have a decade's worth of writing material from readers and listeners to prove that point. But when are friendship issues getting to the point where addressing them with a therapist is highly recommended? I'm joined by award-winning psychotherapist, Roxanne Francis, who responded brilliantly and graciously to the five areas of friendship dilemmas I hear about most often. Meet Roxanne Francis, MSW, RSW: Roxanne is a Registered Social Worker and psychotherapist.  She is the CEO of Francis Psychotherapy & Consulting Services, where she runs a busy group therapy practice with her team. She is also a keynote speaker, leadership coach and corporate consultant who addresses topics related to women’s issues, race & equity, mental health, parenting, and wellness at work.  The five categories of friendship issues we covered:#1. You feel you have no friends.#2. You struggle to keep friends because friends are ghosting you.#3. You struggle to keep friends because you often cut people out of your life.#4. The majority of your friendships are happening through a screen.#5. Protecting your boundaries has become extreme, making it difficult to connect with friends and community.* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab. Let's connect over all things friendship! My Substack newsletter about friendship & more Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest Instagram , TikTok, Twitter, Youtube, Threads JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group Ask an anonymous question

Episode #93: A quick conversation about the subtle hurts that can make friendship difficult. It's the small slights I cover on Dear Nina in general, not the giant betrayals.Why? The big "stuff" is much more black and white, and we don't need much conversation around whether to stay friends.Today I also have a big instagram tip if you're looking to change your Instagram handle. I changed mine to @dearninafriendship. Instagram doesn't make it all that simple if you have tons of links in the world leading to your old handle (which I do). I explain it all in the episode.LINKS MENTIONED:I was guest on the We're Not Fine podcast with Dr. Talia Jackson and Doug Jensen. "Your Friend Hurt You, Is Your Friendship Salvageable?"I was also a guest on The AWEd Life Podcast. "Expanding Our Friendships in Different Stages of Life" (with a big focus on midlife and early empty nester life)My friend Emily of The Connected Mom Life gave me the positive push and advice to change my instagram handle to @dearninafriendship.* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab. Let's connect over all things friendship! My Substack newsletter about friendship & more Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest Instagram , TikTok, Twitter, Youtube, Threads JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group Ask an anonymous question

Episode #92: For anyone who has been hurt by a friend--or a group of friends--recently or in the past, this 14-minute episode is for you. It's a solo episode that came from my reaction to a TikTok video I saw by a woman who was left out of a group trip years ago and has decided she will never trust anyone with her friendship again. Other titles I considered: (and all relate to this 14-minute episode!)Not All Women Are Vicious Don’t Let Being Left Out Dictate Your Future FriendshipsDon't Overly Focus on the Friends Who Rejected YouYou (and your kids) Will Survive Being Left Out There is a Natural Drifting From Friends at Each Age and Stage of LifeIn other words, I covered all of the above in this one. LINKS MENTIONED:The TikTok video I’m reacting to in this episode “Why Big Friend Groups Often Fail and Helping Kids Handle Friendship Conflict” with Dr. Lisa Damour“I’m Just Not Into This Friendship” with Ruchi Koval“Friends Will Hang Out Without You” with Taryn Kessel“Difficult Teen Friendships and Parent Involvement” with Stephanie Sprenger“Every Friendship Starts or Deepens With an Act of Bravery” with Amy Weatherly and Jess JohnstonQUOTES FROM THE EPISODE: "There's so much focus on who wasn't interested, who drifted away, who left, who left you out, who left your kid out. Let's focus on who said yes. That is where our energy should be.”“I don't think it's a good idea to ‘normalize,' to use an extremely overused word on the internet, turning our lives upside down when friends do things without us. If we're going to normalize anything, let's normalize that friends WILL hang out without us. Just like we sometimes want to hang out in smaller groups or with just one or two people.”* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab. Let's connect over all things friendship! My Substack newsletter about friendship & more Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest Instagram , TikTok, Twitter, Youtube, Threads JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group Ask an anonymous question

Episode #91: Dr. Lisa Damour's latest book, The Emotional Lives of Teenagers , is out in paperback. On this episode we revisit the best nuggets of my previous conversation with Dr. Lisa, focusing on teen and tween friend groups and all of the anxiety that goes along with parenting a teen who is dealing with not being in a group. We cover teens not liking their place in a group, wishing they had a group, wishing they had a smaller group, and so on. We also discuss the reality that every kid will be left out and will likely leave out others, and we touch on what "mental health" actually means. (It doesn't mean feeling good all the time.) Finally, we spend a good deal of time on helping teens manage conflict with friends.  Dr. Lisa Damour is a renowned psychologist and the NYT  bestselling author of Untangled, Under Pressure, The Emotional Lives of Teenagers, and the co-host of the Ask Lisa Podcast. Find Dr. Lisa on Instagram and Twitter.Topics We Covered: Dr. Lisa with Dax and Monica on Armchair ExpertTeens will get left out and leave others. Friend groups seem overly formal to adults these days, but it's a reality for teens. Lisa said, "If your kid has one or two good buddies, leave it alone. It's perfect. If your kid has a large friendship group, do not assume that anyone is going out of their way to cause trouble. It is the nature of those larger groups."In groups of over four, it's impossible that every person will like each other equally. If your teen has a few close friends, they have everything they need for a positive social life. Reassure them that we have good data showing that the least stressed kids have one or two good friends.Understanding that mental health has come to be equated with feeling good or relaxed or happy. These are all wonderful things, but they're not what mental health is. Dr. Damour explains that being mentally healthy is about having feelings that fit the circumstance, then managing those feelings, even if those are negative emotions.Learning the difference between uncomfortable and unmanageable.Helping teens make the most of the friendship strife they face by learning how to handle conflict. This will serve them for the rest of their lives.* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab. Let's connect over all things friendship! My Substack newsletter about friendship & more Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest Instagram , TikTok, Twitter, Youtube, Threads JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group Ask an anonymous question

Episode #90: Many of us say we would be there for our friends in an emergency, but that's often theory until it's tested. Not everyone can rise to the occasion. And crisis is a time when the friends you want around you and the ones you may need to leave behind (even for just a while) becomes very clear. Kelly Lang, co-author with her husband, Mike, of The Miracle Child: Traumatic Brain Injury and Me is a brain injury survivor and caregiver to her daughter who sustained a traumatic brain injury in 2001, in her early 30s, after the family's minivan was hit and pushed through an intersection by a reckless driver. Kelly takes us through the days after the accident and the way friends and family supported her family then and throughout the years. Meet Kelly Lang: Kelly Lang co-leads the Brain Injury Association of America’s Advisory Council and serves on the Virginia Brain Injury Advisory Council. Her advocacy experience includes working with the National Center on Advancing Person-Centered Practices and Systems’ Brain Injury Learning Collaborative and serving as a member of the Traumatic Brain Injury Leadership Group and the Person-Centered Advisory Group. She has been the Keynote speaker at a number of state brain injury conferences and conducted workshops and webinars about brain injury and advocacy. Kelly is also a communications trainer with INOVA Health Systems. Kelly and her husband, Mike, created a website https://www.themiraclechild.org/ educating others about brain injury.Find Kelly: LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram, Threads* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab. Let's connect over all things friendship! My Substack newsletter about friendship & more Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest Instagram , TikTok, Twitter, Youtube, Threads JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group Ask an anonymous question

Episode #89: Do you ever feel like you or someone you know is just not “good at” friendship? It's never too late to address negative patterns in our friendships or any relationship. Today's guest, author Christie Tate, author of B.F.F.: A Memoir of Friendship Lost and Found, set out to break decades of unhealthy cycles in her friendships. Do you think you "suck at friendship" as Christie thought before she started this process? There is hope! Christie is here to prove it. We covered: Abolishing a school cafeteria mentality from our adult friendshipsAiming for friendship circles (expansive ) vs. triangles (hard edges)Recognizing how jealousy and envy alters our behavior towards othersKnowing when we're asking friends for too much assuranceChanging from a scarcity mindset to one of abundanceDeveloping compassion for the "it" person (child or adult)Ghosting and being ghostedOwning our ambitions and desires in order to combat competition with friendsMeet Christie Tate: Christie’s latest memoir is, B.F.F.: A Memoir of Friendship Lost and Found. Her previous memoir, Group: How One Therapist and a Circle of Strangers Saved My Life,  was a New York Times bestseller and a Reese Witherspoon book club pick. You can find links to her many published essays and her writing workshops on her website. Find Christie's Substack newsletter here, and find her on Instagram @Christieotate.* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab. Let's connect over all things friendship! My Substack newsletter about friendship & more Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest Instagram , TikTok, Twitter, Youtube, Threads JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group Ask an anonymous question

Episode #88: Managing differences of opinion with friends can get tricky. An obvious area is politics, but smaller differences also get between friends, like parenting decisions. Examples: parents who give their kids a phone and social media years before the other friend; public vs. private school; where you live; how you vacation---those are not as divisive as politics, but it's an ongoing difference in your choices. Do we allow our differences to become a strength in a friendship or a weakness? I advocate for strength, which requires empathy for the next person.Here to talk about developing empathy and managing these potential differences is therapist and author, Emily Locker. Emily's debut novel, Running Mates, is a modern day Romeo and Juliet and one of the best fictional versions I've read of friends with big differences---political ones in this case. Emily and I lean into her professional work as a therapist for advice on how to get along with people who have different points of view.And there is another major fact that I need to tell you about Emily. Emily is my second cousin! Our grandfathers were brothers, and our moms are first cousins. We also talk in the episode about the potential of friendship between cousins and how jealous I always was of Emily and her first cousins.Meet Emily Locker:Emily lives in Washington, D. C. with her husband and two young sons. Find Emily on Instagram @emilylocker. * All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab. Let's connect over all things friendship! My Substack newsletter about friendship & more Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest Instagram , TikTok, Twitter, Youtube, Threads JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group Ask an anonymous question

Episode #87: Shows like The Golden Girls and Grace & Frankie are beloved by so many, but also treated as a fantasy. What if platonic life partnerships didn't have to be merely a dream? What if you didn't have to wait until retirement age to consider centering your life around friendship?Today's guest, Rhaina Cohen, author of The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center, profiles platonic partners in her book who are at different ages and stages of life. While there have always been people throughout history making the choice to commit their lives to a friend rather than a romantic partner, there are not common models, labels, or legal benefits for these kind of arrangements. MEET RHAINA COHEN:Rhaina Cohen is an award-winning producer and editor for NPR’s documentary podcast Embedded. She was named a 2021/2022 National Endowment for the Humanities Public Scholar for her debut nonfiction book, The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center. Her writing, often focused on social connection, has appeared in The Atlantic, The New York Times, The Washington Post and elsewhere. She’s spent most of her career working on podcasts that blend narratives and ideas, including Hidden Brain, Invisibilia and Rough Translation. Find Rhaina on Twitter and Instagram.We discussed:The lack of vocabulary or process for people who want to try a platonic partnership.The real enchantment and sense of possibility that happens when you're excited about a new friend, a feeling that's not so different from a romantic spark. Rhaina mentioned "limerence" as the term used for this initial sensation in romance that can apply to friendship too.The crucial element of proximity in close friendships.The popularity of the Llano Exit Strategy story and the dream people have about clustering near close friends eventually.The importance of not having just one story in our minds for what it looks like to be happy, fulfilled, and connected.Some of the benefits Rhaina gains because she and her husband live with another couple (platonically) and the couple's two kids. * All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab. Let's connect over all things friendship! My Substack newsletter about friendship & more Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest Instagram , TikTok, Twitter, Youtube, Threads JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group Ask an anonymous question

Episode #86: Making friends and deepening existing friendships starts with some basic truths."Every friendship starts with an act of bravery. And every friendship goes to the next level because of someone's act of bravery. ""Do not wait for the other person to make the first move. It's always your turn."These are just two of many wise and thoughtful quotes about making friends and deepening friendships from today's guests, Amy Weatherly and Jess Johnston. Amy, Jess, and I---three friendship enthusiasts---shared times we've been brave in making friends and deepening those friendships as well as times we've struggled. We covered:Some of our own personal stories of the brave act of making friends, including how Amy and Jess met online and formed a real friendshipThe fear of rejectionThe fear of being awkwardLetting go of assumptions you've made about what everyone is thinkingThe fear of leaving others outFinding a pickleball game! Focusing on the people who say yes and don't fixate on the people who are not interestedNot giving up all of your power to make friendships happenIntentionality and vulnerability in deepening friendshipsThe fear of sharing who you really areAsking good questions Allowing kids and teens to experience friendship bumps (not trying to fix everything)MEET AMY AND JESSAmy Weatherly and Jess Johnston are cofounders of the viral page all about friendship, Sister, I Am with You. They coauthored the new book, Here For It and the Wall Street Journal bestseller I'll Be There (But I'll Be Wearing Sweatpants) and have been featured in national news such as Good Morning America to talk about friendship. They are friends first, business partners second, and absolutely adore any time they can spend together in real life (eating queso) and laughing till they ache.Find Amy & Jess on: Facebook, Instagram, and on their Website.* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab. Let's connect over all things friendship! My Substack newsletter about friendship & more Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest Instagram , TikTok, Twitter, Youtube, Threads JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group Ask an anonymous question

Episode #85: "The more the merrier" is a common expression for good reason. Most of us don't want to be considered exclusive. We want others to feel welcomed and comfortable around us. But there are times when the more the merrier is not the case-- when the group dynamics for a particular event won't work if everyone comes along.In episode 85, I have a tough conversation with Danielle Bayard Jackson, an incredibly clear-thinking friendship coach and national speaker on the topic of female friendships. Danielle's viral TikTok and viral Instagram post on "Reasons Why You (Possibly) Weren't Invited" caught my attention. She gave examples in those videos I know I have done myself (cringe) and things I've thought, but have been too scared to say on my podcast or in my own writing about friendship. I needed Danielle by my side to have this conversation about why we and others are sometimes not invited. And I'm glad I shared some of own insecurities and pet peeves, even though the topic gave me a stomachache when we spoke and still does posting it for others to hear.Meet Danielle:Danielle Bayard Jackson is a female friendship coach and educator who speaks nationally on the subject of friendship as a wellness imperative. Her coaching business, Friend Forward, is dedicated to teaching women how to create and maintain better female friendships. Danielle’s expertise has been featured in NBC News, Psychology Today, Wall Street Journal, Oprah Magazine, and many other outlets. She shares her insight weekly on The Friend Forward Podcast and has a book coming out in spring 2024 called Fighting For Our Friendships. Danielle is the official spokesperson for Bumble’s new app Bumble For Friends. Personal IG - @daniellebayardjackson.    Friend Forward IG - @friendforward TikTok - @thefriendshipexpert    Twitter - * All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab. Let's connect over all things friendship! My Substack newsletter about friendship & more Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest Instagram , TikTok, Twitter, Youtube, Threads JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group Ask an anonymous question

Episode #84:  Debra Arbit and I tell our real-life friendship story, which is a great example of going from barely acquaintances to close friends in our 40s. Well, when we met Debra was still in her 30s, but I was in my 40s. We share the emails and texts that move us from office-mates to friends.  Debra and I don't agree on everything, but we do agree that inviting people into your home is one way to significantly move a friendship forward. We share lots of tips for how to make hosting a much easier task. As I discussed way back in episode 20, good friendship chemistry isn't enough to foster a good friendship. One person in the acquaintanceship has to "make a move" to talk more or hang out in a different context.I shared very detailed show notes for this one with all the hosting tips we covered. You can find that here on my website. Meet Debra: In addition to being a consultant for women business owners, and raising three young kids, Debra has hosted TONS of friends and acquaintances at her house for meals. Debra took her love for cooking onto her instagram account, @fortheloveofcookbooks, where she cooks her way through entire cookbooks and does much of it live on her Instagram  stories. She rates the recipes too. It's a fantastic account!* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab. Let's connect over all things friendship! My Substack newsletter about friendship & more Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest Instagram , TikTok, Twitter, Youtube, Threads JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group Ask an anonymous question

Episode #83: Have you ever befriended your ex's ex? Today's episode focuses on the potential friendship that comes from a shared hurt and a shared healing. I was intrigued when Lara Starr emailed me about her "sister exes." Lara has written extensively in her Substack, It's Kind of a Long Story, about the friendships that came from bonding with the women who were emotionally hurt by the same man. This kind of friendship could also apply to fellow ex-friends of a particular friend.  There may be some drawbacks to starting a friendship this way. If the relationship stays way too focused on the common hurt, that's not a true or deep friendship. We get into all of that as Lara shares her story. Meet Lara Starr: Lara is a publishing publicist and a former radio producer. Find her on Substack and Instagram.* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab. Let's connect over all things friendship! My Substack newsletter about friendship & more Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest Instagram , TikTok, Twitter, Youtube, Threads JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group Ask an anonymous question

Episode #82: The friendships formed during difficult, even dark, periods of our lives create a lasting impact unlike any other bond. These friendships "in the trenches" can come in many forms---a health crisis, a traumatic experience, or even experiencing an especially intense work environment with a harsh boss and terrible hours.This week's guest, Jenny Leon, talks about some of the "in the trenches" friendships found in pop culture, but we mainly focus on the special and irreplaceable friendship Jenny made with a fellow young mom who was on the same chemotherapy schedule when Jenny was diagnosed with breast cancer in her 33rd week of pregnancy. Jenny's new friend, Alli, was one of the few people who could understand Jenny's experience. Their bond was crucial and irreplaceable. In addition, a voicemail from Renee Schuls-Jacobson about finding camaraderie during clonazepam withdrawal reaffirms the profound support we discover in our darkest times. You can learn more about Renee's story in here. Meet Jenny Leon:Jenny Leon is a former Manhattan finance lawyer who started writing when she got diagnosed with breast cancer in her 33rd week of pregnancy with her second child. She is working on a memoir on how her love of being a mother provided her with a lifeline to get through a double mastectomy, chemo and radiation. Jenny's essays have been nominated for a Pushcart Prize and other awards. Most of her work focuses on motherhood, anxiety, and breast cancer. Her writing has been featured in the Globe and Mail, HuffPost Canada, the Buffalo News, Motherwell, Kveller and HerStry amongst others. Additionally, she has been featured in numerous campaigns and presentations for Sharsheret, a national nonprofit that focuses on assisting young women and their families affected by the BRCA mutation.Find all of Jenny's publications and interviews here. You can follow her on Instagram. And if you'd like to message her directly, she is always happy to hear from others and to help. She can be found at jennyroseleon@gmail.com* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab. Let's connect over all things friendship! My Substack newsletter about friendship & more Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest Instagram , TikTok, Twitter, Youtube, Threads JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group Ask an anonymous question

Episode #81: Have you ever held back sharing good news because you sensed a friend wasn't truly celebrating with you? Do you have friends who show up in bad times, but are slow to show support in good times? This episode is for you! I share some thoughts on identifying the friends who want to hear your good news, how to develop more friendships like that, and how to be that kind of friend to others. Then, my guest, Chaz Sandifer, and I discussed the reality of outgrowing friendships, knowing which friends you can trust, friends who cheer you on, the dangers of jealousy and competition, and much more. Meet Chaz Sandifer:Chaz is the founder and owner of theNEWmpls, a holistic health and wellness company specializing in fitness, wellness, and nutrition. They offer private fitness classes around the Twin Cities and a variety of special programs with various partners. Chaz is the sole source for diabetes prevention in Ramsey County. She also owns Lakeview Terrace Farmers Market, the only Black woman owned farmer’s market in Minnesota. Chaz personally speaks often about owning a health and wellness business as a Black woman. One of her main specialties is discussing generational wealth. Chaz has a weekly podcast with WCCO called Fitness Revolution with Chaz. Chaz has taken on a role as a co-leader for the communications work group at The University of Minnesota in the department for Community Engagement to Advance Research and Community Health, and she's the co-founder of Stories Through the Menu, an exciting chef series in Minneapolis. Find Chaz on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn.* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab. Let's connect over all things friendship! My Substack newsletter about friendship & more Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest Instagram , TikTok, Twitter, Youtube, Threads JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group Ask an anonymous question

Episode #80: "Neediness" has come up in plenty of episodes, but this is the first one dedicated to that loaded word. The episode was inspired by a letter from a listener--author, Sally Vardaman, who found herself reacting to my mom's story in episode #72 about her decision to end a friendship over what she called, "neediness." Sally's letter was so reflective and insightful that I asked her to come on the show. We covered: feeling drained by a friend's needs.worrying you're overtaxing friends with your needs.eliminating the shame of having needs in the first place. We all have needs! They just rarely cannot be met by one particular friend.MEET SALLY VARDAMANSally Vardaman is a writer who believes in the power of stories to make us think, question our assumptions, and connect with each other despite our differences. She is the author of Shoot the Arrows, a new book of essays to her three teenage children on why honesty and self-reflection are the keys to a healthy and meaningful life. You can find more about her work at sallyvardaman.com. As well as on Facebook, Instagram, and Goodreads.The Books Sally has found helpful on the topic of neediness:Sally wrote, "There are no quick fixes and we need all the education we can get.  The great thing about books and learning is we always have the opportunity to understand ourselves better and change."Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, a great assessment on attachment issues with lots of practical suggestions for all attachment types.Platonic by Marisa Franco, a look at attachment specifically in friendships (pretty sure I heard about this one through Dear Nina :)How to Be Your Own Best Friend by Mildred Newman and Bernard Berkowitz (first published in 1971, thank you Nora Ephron!)Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melodie Beattie (first published in 1986)Lying by Sam Harris * All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab. Let's connect over all things friendship! My Substack newsletter about friendship & more Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest Instagram , TikTok, Twitter, Youtube, Threads JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group Ask an anonymous question

Episode #79: Bri McKoy is a cookbook author and military wife who has moved seven times in 12 years. She went from burning everything in the kitchen to learning to cook as a way to create community. Have you ever wondered how to make good friends in a new city? Bri has repeatedly accomplished this task with some towns proving harder than others.  Bri's husband, Jeremy, has been deployed four times since they were married. Cooking helped Bri make friends while he was gone. She is now the author of a beautiful and helpful cookbook, The Cook's Book, Recipes for Keeps and Essential Techniques to Master Everyday Cooking. I am so inspired by Bri's story. I think you will be too!We covered:the importance of creating a sense of community, even when you know you're moving againwhich cities were harder to make friends than otherscombating loneliness and building relationshipsactionable advice on reaching out to othersnot waiting for invitations learning patience in the kitchen and letting go of perfection as a hostFIND BRI MCKOY:Website, Instagram, YouTube* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab. Let's connect over all things friendship! My Substack newsletter about friendship & more Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest Instagram , TikTok, Twitter, Youtube, Threads JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group Ask an anonymous question

Episode #78: You feel good potential friendship chemistry with someone, but then what to do next?  This is an episode about pursuing a new friend. (We also get into some texting etiquette.) How do you pursue the friendship in a way that lets the other person know you're interested, but doesn't scare them off? And if you're someone who already has a full social life, how do you make time for a new friend? And why should you make time for a new friend?We also discussed some texting etiquette such as when to employ the thumbs up and when to respond with words. Fans of Dear Nina will know I have strong feelings about this!Join my conversation with the co-hosts of Life's Accessories, The Podcast, Stephanie Goldstein and Rachel Levy Lesser, as we learn how these very new friends met and became so close despite living in different cities and neither one lacking for friends. Meet Stephanie and Rachel: Authors, journalists, friends and self proclaimed over-accessorizers, Rachel Levy Lesser and Stephanie Goldstein remember what they wore on pretty much every meaningful occasion. In Life's Accessories, The Podcast, they dig deep into their closets and their memories to tell the stories behind these items. Rachel and Stephanie interview experts, friends, celebrities and just really interesting and awesome people about items from their jewelry boxes and closets, and they do it with wit, humor and insight. Find Life's Accessories on Instagram and Facebook. * All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab. Let's connect over all things friendship! My Substack newsletter about friendship & more Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest Instagram , TikTok, Twitter, Youtube, Threads JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group Ask an anonymous question

Episode #77: If there's one thing we need these days, it's some joy and laughter. It's dark times. And while today's story of a heartbreak from a friendship breakup isn't exactly what we think of as funny on its own, I am thrilled to tell you that there is a fantastic comedian out there who has made humor and art out of a painful friendship breakup he had in college.Gabe Mollica's one-man show is called Solo: A Show About Friendship. How could I not feature it on Dear Nina? If you're a fan of This American Life, you might have already heard a bit of comedian Gabe Mollica's friendship breakup story. Reporter Aviva DeKornfeld did a story called “Say It To My Face” about Gabe. I don't want to give too much away from that episode, but for context, Aviva managed to interview not only Gabe, but also his former college best friend, Tim. The parts with Tim are the fantasy anyone with a friendship breakup has ever had. Gabe got to hear from the friend who got away. And it was that part I related to most in Gabe's story. We discussed it more in today's episode. Listen to Gabe and I swap friendship break-up stories and share how we both turned that pain into art. Gabe is a masterful storyteller, and his one-man show, Solo: A Show About Friendship, is in the middle of a long run in New York City with shows planned in Chicago and other cities, too. More about Gabe Mollica: Gabe's story on This American LifeReview of Gabe's show in Time Out New YorkInformation on getting tickets to "Solo" can be found here.Find Gabe on Instagram and TikTok.* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab. Let's connect over all things friendship! My Substack newsletter about friendship & more Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest Instagram , TikTok, Twitter, Youtube, Threads JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group Ask an anonymous question