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Two Open Doors is dedicated to exploring the many sides of deep personal relationship. We explore how relationship works; the range of relationship, from everyday to intimate; how we can understand and grow our personal capacity for relationship; how to identify and deal with relationship blockers; and how to make deep human connection a central part of your own life. Host Dr. Claude shares his insights, and invites guest presenters and listeners to contribute their perspectives. Please join us!
New weekly episodes are usually published on Sundays. You may also want to check out the companion private Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/645271539750218 (for posts and discussion), and the Two Open Doors Meet-Up group at https://www.meetup.com/two-open-doors/ (for event announcements). Dr. Claude welcomes your questions, comments, requests and suggestions, at claude@twoopendoors.com.
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The well-known sex educator and podcaster Dan Savage has stated his belief that all loving relationships are transactional. In contrast with that, there is the proposal that true love is unconditional. Can these two polar positions be reconciled?In this episode, we’ll consider what it means for a relationship to be transactional, and we’ll also envision what an unconditional relationship might look like. We’ll then consider what these two perspectives have in common, to try ...
Connecting intimately with another human being can sometimes be a scary thing. Deep connection requires vulnerability and radical authenticity, and both of those can expose a person to potential hurt. Yet, without accepting the risks inherent in relationship, one cannot reap the many benefits of deep connection.In this episode, we’ll consider why risk is inherent in relationship, and we’ll then entertain how that risk can be managed. That will help clarify why courage is a p...
In our last two episodes, we considered the idea of socially-constructed “sexual imperatives” that constrain our sexual expression, as described by Dr. Emily Nagoski in her new book, “Come Together”. We then examined the possibility of living an “erotic” life, in which all of our experiences are expressions of the flow of life-energy.In this episode, we’ll take a look at a kind of experience that becomes possible when we’re living a life in touch with our erotic essence. We’ll exp...
Our previous episode considered a number of socially-constructed “sexual imperatives” (or expectations and limitations) that were cited in Dr. Emily Nagoski’s new book, “Come Together”. That book also described another topic that I find both important and fascinating: the transcendent potential of human connection. In this episode, I’ll explore that concept, and relate it to my own experiences.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He ...
In her wonderful and informative new book, “Come Together”, the sex educator Dr. Emily Nagoski extends the lucid understanding of how sex works that she delivered in “Come As You Are”.In this episode, I’d like to share and comment on an observation that I believe is relevant to all thinking adults who wish to determine the course of their own sexuality: the notion of “sexual imperatives”.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD ...
In my prior episode, I highlighted the scientific field of sexology, and I described why I believe that sexology is relevant to everyone who is striving to live a fulfilling life. I noted that sexual misinformation is widespread, and that it damages society.In this episode, I’d like to take that theme a bit further, by focusing on a topic that is especially misunderstood by many: the human sexual response cycle.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, ...
I recently had the pleasure of participating in a thank-you event for a friend and colleague who is a fellow sҽxologist. From the many glowing comments I heard, it’s clear that my friend has made many contributions to her professional community. At least as importantly, she has touched many lives.In this post, we’ll revisit what sҽxology is, and why it matters in our society. We’ll consider why and how it provides essential support for the full expression of our humanity.Dr....
Human sexuality is a strong force, which impacts both personal lives and the fabric of society in many ways. Not surprisingly, then, sex can stir up some very strong feelings in people. Similarly, the expression of sexuality can provoke both strong reactions and constraints in many if not most societies. In this post, we’ll take a look at a connection that bears on this uneasy relationship between sex and society: how morality enters the realm of sexuality. It’s importa...
I’ve recently been wondering about why I’ve had such an intense longstanding interest in deep human connections, even in childhood. While many of my peers seemed to be focused on sports, or having adventures, or running in popular social circles, I was drawn to the exploration and understanding of intimacy. Why?We’ve previously explored the three realms in which human connection plays out: the physical, mental and emotional planes (with the latter including spiritual experie...
I recently came across a book that I found to be full of thought-provoking observations: All About Love, by the feminist and cultural critic bell hooks. That work deals with what is perhaps the central orienting theme in intimate relationships: our desire for love, and how that desire plays out in our lives. In this episode, we’ll explore some of bell’s often-pointed views on what love is, how we acquire our understanding of love, and how we try to bring it into our da...
As is often observed in the media, our society is facing a tsunami of loneliness and alienation. In 2023, the US Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy published a report titled “Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation”, in which he describes the prevalence, effects and possible cures for loneliness. One aspect of this problem is that of people feeling that they are “invisible” to one another. In this episode, we’ll explore this phenomenon, and some of its causes. Dr. C...
As the end of another year approaches, I’d like to recommend a practice that has long held meaning for me: taking stock of the preceding year of my relationship experiences. I see that as a good way to learn as much as possible from the last year of living, as well as a good way to prepare for a meaningful year ahead.In this episode, I’ll share a few highlights of what I’ve learned, and what I look forward to. While the reflections that I’ll share are very personal and indiv...
At first blush, there might seem to be no connection between fear and the role it might play in relationships--- yet in fact, fear is very relevant throughout the entire life-cycle of intimate relationships. In this episode, we’ll take a look at the particulars of this reality.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Se...
In Tantric cosmology, the universe is created and filled by two inseparable deities: Shiva and Shakti. Shiva is seen as the embodiment of masculinity, while Shakti embodies the feminine. Shiva manifests the state of being in existence, which focuses on the static aspect of existing. In contrast, Shakti manifests the flow of energy that animates everything in existence; that role is fundamentally dynamic.Contemporary people who have a tantric perspective on life find Sh...
In prior episodes, we’ve seen that attachment theory can provide many insights into how relationships function. That theory proposes how infants and children learn to relate to others, and how they form a self-image that’s essential if they are to see themselves as worthy of love and support. Relationships evolve over time, and the relevance and utility of attachment theory carry over into adult relationships.One of the concepts put forward in attachment theory is that of a secure...
In numerous prior episodes, we’ve taken a look at attachment theory, and its many implications for adult relationships. We’ve seen that personal attachment style is a strong factor in determining our predispositions as to how we interact with others… as well as in how we see ourselves.There’s far more to be said about “attachment”, though--- starting with how that term is defined. In this episode, we’ll consider another perspective on attachment, one that is a central theme in sev...
Relationships evolve, often in fairly-predictable ways, but sometimes taking unexpected twisting turns. In a prior episode titled “The Relationship Life-Cycle’”, we identified six different stages that an intimate relationship can pass through. Since change is effectively inevitable in relationships, it’s good to understand not only these relationship states or stages, but also the conditions that tend to drive transitions between these. In this episode, we’ll explore some o...
Those who are in a long-term committed relationship almost invariably encounter a cooling of the romantic fire in their relationship. As we’ve noted in prior episodes, attraction and physical passion are at least partially driven by physiological influences that naturally wane over time. As a result, many initially-passionate relationships transition into a loving but less-passionate “companionate” relationship, over a period of months to years.As we’ve also previously noted, nove...
As we all know, relationships evolve. Even those relationships that start off full of light and fire can and usually do cool over time. In some cases, the connection between partners may weaken to the point that it no longer sustains a relationship, in which case the partners may separate. In other cases, the partners may choose to stay together, but with a more emotionally-distant connection. The resulting attenuated connection can become a “fossil” of what it was bef...
We recently reviewed the differences between three “dependence styles” (or ways of interacting with partners to obtain support and validation). As we saw, neither true independence (i.e. complete self-reliance) nor co-dependence (or inappropriate dependence on a partner) are healthy or sustainable. In contrast, interdependence enables an appropriate balance of self-reliance with appropriate dependence on others.In this episode, we’ll further consider the benefits and the requisite...
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