Bible Stories for Blasphemers

Blessed hump day congregation! In this week’s installment of The Bible, our valiant heroes raze the city of Ai, leaving no survivors. They then immortalize its king forever in what can only be described as… gross. And then in the Pop Corner aka Music Room, in celebration of Dan’s many achievements, Mariah reads to him the lyrics of Dysphoria Hoodie by Laura Jane Grace.Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane." Edited and Mixed by Everett Kemper (@everettkemper)Hosted by Dan Rogland & Mariah Wren (@mariahmaycats) Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com

Blessed Wednesday to all of God's monsters... but especially you, dear listener. We have an inspirational story in store for you this week. All about the conquest of the city of Ai, and also a quick detour to discuss the stoning of Achan. Doesn't that sound lovely? In the pop corner, Mariah and Dan gush about grammy winners and parasocial-besties of the pod, boygenius. And, of course, Mariah celebrates the new Taylor Swift album announcement. Go ahead and settle in and make yourself a hot beverage while you listen this week, folks. You deserve it. Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane." Edited and Mixed by Everett Kemper (@everettkemper)Hosted by Dan Rogland & Mariah Wren (@mariahmaycats) Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com

This week instead of your regularly scheduled sermon, we have a Very Special Episode featuring the Disclaimer Voice himself… that’s right kids, we’ve got Henry Rogland in the pulpit this week!!  Henry joins us to discuss his experience growing up  in Calvinism, the concept of T.U.L.I.P., and the Classic Christian School education. Basically it’s a generous helping of shame, a delightful little acronym that appeals to the youth of today, and waaaay too much homework. This one’s a doozy y’all, so pick a poem to memorize and get ready to start a fight, because lest we forget: there is no hatred like Christian love.Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane." Edited and Mixed by Everett Kemper (@everettkemper)Hosted by Dan Rogland & Mariah Wren (@mariahmaycats) Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com

This week we dive into The Book of Joshua, involving Rahab's deal with the Israel spies sent to Jericho. More importantly, however, we provide our in depth analysis of the VeggieTales episode entitled Josh and The Big Wall: A Lesson in Obedience. Don't miss it. Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane." Edited and Mixed by Everett Kemper (@everettkemper)Hosted by Dan Rogland & Mariah Wren (@mariahmaycats) Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com

BEHOLD, the miracle of resurrection!!! We are BACK, and unholier than ever! In this episode we discuss our rounding out of our Holy Trinary by bringing on our new producer, Everett Kemper! And rather than a bible story this week, we touch on Mariah's upbringing in Scientology, and Dan's pre-college education at a Creationist school. Don't forget to email or DM us your questions about Scientology for our future Q&A episode, and also PLEASE tell us about your brushes with cults & religion. Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane." Edited and Mixed by Everett Kemper (@everettkemper)Hosted by Dan Rogland & Mariah Wren (@mariahmaycats) Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com

This week on Bible Stories for Blasphemers: we're done with the book of Numbers! Couldn't get through it without a few war crimes there at the end. Then in the Pop Corner, we go on a long and spoiler-full review of Knock at the Cabin, which (spoilers) we have some REAL bones to pick about.  Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane." Edited and Mixed by Everett Kemper (@everettkemper)Hosted by Dan Rogland & Mariah Wren (@mariahmaycats) Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com

This week on Bible Stories for Blasphemers: GETTING THROUGH THE NUMBERS. There's a lot of names and laws in here folks, but don't worry, we have opinions to add to them, and Mariah has just found out that God eats food. Then in the Pop Corner, we discuss the DEEPLY important new Hozier EP, Eat Your Young. Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane." Edited and Mixed by Everett Kemper (@everettkemper)Hosted by Dan Rogland & Mariah Wren (@mariahmaycats) Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com

This week it's a special episode for everyone in the flock! We talk to the infamous Robin, our hot Catholic friend! We cover her religious upbringing in Catholicism, and cover her journey to realizing why she didn't believe it anymore. We also dive into Mariah's many, many, many questions, including but not limited to:  "What can and can't you give up for Lent?" ; "What's with the obsession with Jesus's corpse?";  "Have you seen the flower sex scene with Josh Hartnett in that one movie where he gives up sex for Lent?" Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane." Edited and Mixed by Everett Kemper (@everettkemper)Hosted by Dan Rogland & Mariah Wren (@mariahmaycats) Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com

This week on Bible Stories for Blasphemers, Balaam makes a bunch of prophecies, and we go off on a bunch of weird tangents. Then in the Pop Corner, we discuss two deeply uncomfortable religious Superbowl commercials. Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane." Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane." Edited and Mixed by Everett Kemper (@everettkemper)Hosted by Dan Rogland & Mariah Wren (@mariahmaycats) Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com

We got a big juicy one for y'all this week, kiddos! Strap into your high chair, put on your bib, and get ready to dig in to the delicious nonsense that is Number of Numbers, Two of Twos. For dessert we have a Pop Corner in which we explore and expand on our podcast house using our feelings. Don't miss it.Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane." Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane." Edited and Mixed by Everett Kemper (@everettkemper)Hosted by Dan Rogland & Mariah Wren (@mariahmaycats) Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com

This week on Bible Stories for Blasphemers, we talk about two stories: one where Moses hits a rock, and one where Moses deals with some snakes. Then in the Pop Corner, we discuss the most meta TV show that we've ever seen.  Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane." Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane." Edited and Mixed by Everett Kemper (@everettkemper)Hosted by Dan Rogland & Mariah Wren (@mariahmaycats) Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com

Gather round dear flock, as youth pastor Dan spills all the tea of the one Bible story They don't want you to know about, and Mariah's hopes of becoming a Christian convert are dashed. Talking points include Jared from twitter, the Golden Globes, and Jerrod Carmichael's latest joke.  Find us on Instagram @BS4Blasphemers, or email us your Bible questions and corrections at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com. Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane." Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane." Edited and Mixed by Everett Kemper (@everettkemper)Hosted by Dan Rogland & Mariah Wren (@mariahmaycats) Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com

This week on Bible Stories for Blasphemers, we return shamefully from many time-based errors with a chronologically-inaccurate episode. Then in the Pop Corner - wait, it's the Science Section this week? Okay, a lot has changed. Find us on Twitter @BS4Blasphemers, or email us your Bible questions and corrections at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com. Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane." Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane." Edited and Mixed by Everett Kemper (@everettkemper)Hosted by Dan Rogland & Mariah Wren (@mariahmaycats) Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com

Heeey, remember us?? Your favorite bible camp counselors are back! Check out this special episode where Dan shares their research on how humans across the world have celebrated the new year over time.We'll be back with new episodes every week in January 2023!Find us on Twitter @BS4Blasphemers, or email us your Bible questions and corrections at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com. Special thanks for @HenryRogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane." Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane." Edited and Mixed by Everett Kemper (@everettkemper)Hosted by Dan Rogland & Mariah Wren (@mariahmaycats) Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com

This week on Bible Stories for Blasphemers, Dan talks about something in the Bible to do with numbers - a concept Mariah thought Dan would have learned a long time ago. Then in the Pop Corner, a HUGE BREAKING NEWS UPDATE and then Mariah discusses a rogue-like life sim video game she's been playing called Cult of the Lamb.Find us on Twitter @BS4Blasphemers, or email us your Bible questions and corrections at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com. You can also find Dan on Twitter @DanRogland. Special thanks for @HenryRogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane." See you in two weeks!Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane." Edited and Mixed by Everett Kemper (@everettkemper)Hosted by Dan Rogland & Mariah Wren (@mariahmaycats) Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com

In this week's slightly depressing episode, we finally learn the epic conclusion of Exodus. Dan tells Mariah more details about the Arc of the Covenant, God tries to abandon the Israelites but instead tells them to kill everyone, and Moses becomes shiny.If you can, please donate to the legal fund to hold the SPU board accountable: https://gofund.me/f8ef3398Find us on Twitter @BS4Blasphemers, or email us your Bible questions and corrections at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com. You can also find Dan on Twitter @DanRogland. Special thanks for @HenryRogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane." Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane." Edited and Mixed by Everett Kemper (@everettkemper)Hosted by Dan Rogland & Mariah Wren (@mariahmaycats) Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com

This week, Dan explains to Mariah the absolutely chaos and frivolity had by the nation of Israel while Moses was on Mount Sinai. Did the Hebrews betray God to start a new bovine religion? Did Aaron indirectly cause the deaths of thousands of his own people because of peer pressure? Who are we to judge? And honestly, God, what did you expect? Find us on Twitter @BS4Blasphemers, or email us your Bible questions and corrections at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com. You can also find Dan on Twitter @DanRogland. Special thanks for @HenryRogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane." Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane." Edited and Mixed by Everett Kemper (@everettkemper)Hosted by Dan Rogland & Mariah Wren (@mariahmaycats) Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com

This week, Dan is very tired. We talk about God's commandments for how to live, and about a very spooky and intimidating angel. Then, in the pop corner, we discuss Christian schools and, in particular, the sit-in protest at Seattle Pacific University. Find us on Twitter @BS4Blasphemers, or email us your Bible questions and corrections at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com. You can also find Dan on Twitter @DanRogland. Special thanks for @HenryRogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane." Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane." Edited and Mixed by Everett Kemper (@everettkemper)Hosted by Dan Rogland & Mariah Wren (@mariahmaycats) Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com

Sorry this one's late, folks! This week we tell the story of the ten commandments, and get extremely sidetracked due to our mutual lack of a science education. Then, in the pop corner, we discuss the new comedy special "Rothaniel."  Find us on Twitter @BS4Blasphemers, or email us your Bible questions and corrections at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com.You can also find Dan on Twitter @DanRogland or on Patreon at patreon.com/danrogland.Special thanks for @HenryRogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane." Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane." Edited and Mixed by Everett Kemper (@everettkemper)Hosted by Dan Rogland & Mariah Wren (@mariahmaycats) Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com

This week, on a tight time crunch, we tell the story of bread falling from heaven and Moses having a very tiring day for his arms. Then, in the pop corner, we talk about Bible jokes and the new Florence & the Machine album.  Find us on Twitter @BS4Blasphemers, or email us your Bible questions and corrections at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com.You can also find Dan on Twitter @DanRogland or on Patreon at patreon.com/danrogland.Special thanks for @HenryRogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane." Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane." Edited and Mixed by Everett Kemper (@everettkemper)Hosted by Dan Rogland & Mariah Wren (@mariahmaycats) Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com