Learning To Live Free

Today I'm talking about grief over the future we lost when we got out of an abusive relationship. How do we deal with it and is it normal?Topics:GriefWhat is a normal expectation of happiness When the past comes for usWe have been through rapid change and our minds and emotions have to catch up with everything that has happenedFeeling uncomfortable in our new livesReframing the futureTaking the time to grieve instead of distracting yourselfMaking space for the futureThe gifts that come along with griefMake a safety plan for difficult daysThere is light on the other side of griefSometimes I Think the Grief Over My Failed Life Will Never Be OverSupport the showRemember you deserve to live in freedom and peace,Julia Find me:InstagramFacebookLTLF Facebook GroupMedium Music from Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/hartzmann/voyage License code: CACLTNI8RX0NIBR2

I almost quit this podcast. Yikes! I'm here now so let's jump right into the episode.Topics:What's been going onWhy we start new projects when we need to make a major decisionOrder from chaosThe Home EditAll abuse is physical abuseWhy we need other survivors in our livesWhere the Crawdads SingIsolation Allowing others to love us Keep fighting against the abuse to move into your futureBe braveTake care of yourselfResources:The Home EditGet Organized with The Home EditWhere the Crawdads SingWilderness to WildAll Abuse is Physical AbuseSupport the showRemember you deserve to live in freedom and peace,Julia Find me:InstagramFacebookLTLF Facebook GroupMedium Music from Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/hartzmann/voyage License code: CACLTNI8RX0NIBR2

Today's episode is inspired by Mother's Day. How does sharing children with a narcissist impact your parenting?Topics:What I learned this weekNarcissists and their relationships with their mothers and other womenThe narcissist's relationship with the mother of their childrenMother's Day and dreading being treated wellGifts come with a priceHow and why a narcissist replaces you as mother of your childrenHow the narcissist rewrites your children's memoriesHow the narcissist sets the new person up to take the blame in the futureHow to reinforce your role as mother when it is being attacked by the narcissistMaking new memories with your kidsYour freedom to be the mother you always dreamed ofA little pep talkHappy Mother's DaySupport the showRemember you deserve to live in freedom and peace,Julia Find me:InstagramFacebookLTLF Facebook GroupMedium Music from Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/hartzmann/voyage License code: CACLTNI8RX0NIBR2

What does abuse look like? Today I give examples of non-physical abuse.Topics:Obvious physical abuse"Accidental" physical abuseShow of violenceControlling freedom of movementSpyingFinancial controlAbuse of children, loved ones, petsTaking your independence awayResources:The Subtleties of AbusePoison ControlSupport the showRemember you deserve to live in freedom and peace,Julia Find me:InstagramFacebookLTLF Facebook GroupMedium Music from Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/hartzmann/voyage License code: CACLTNI8RX0NIBR2

Today we are talking about taking time to rest and relax. Topics:Why we need to slow down and take a break from our thoughts and livesHow to make taking space easier when you aren't used to letting your mind relaxA list of ways to take a break M&M's Caramel Cold BrewTaking a Break for Mental Health and HealingSupport the showRemember you deserve to live in freedom and peace,Julia Find me:InstagramFacebookLTLF Facebook GroupMedium Music from Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/hartzmann/voyage License code: CACLTNI8RX0NIBR2

Today we are going to get real and work on the thoughts going on in our minds. You didn't cause the abuse and it is not your fault. Let's continue to break the hold abusers have over us by giving the responsibility for their behavior back to them.Topics:Abuse is not your faultWe struggle to believe that we didn't cause someone to abuse usAcceptanceThere is a time to ask why and how and a time to let it go and move forwardThere is nothing wrong with youThe expectations of a narcissist for their relationship and how it is abusiveYou didn't do anything to deserve abuseHow to break free from blaming yourself for the abuseIt's never okay for someone to abuse another personThe abuser chose to abuseChange your mental narrative about abuseFind your value in the right place and from the right peopleYou are a survivorResources:Nothing About You Caused a Narcissist to Abuse YouSupport the showRemember you deserve to live in freedom and peace,Julia Find me:InstagramFacebookLTLF Facebook GroupMedium Music from Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/hartzmann/voyage License code: CACLTNI8RX0NIBR2

Today I am going to talk about how I came out of denial that my relationship was abusive. It was a long, painful process to face the truth. My hope is that what I share may help you move through it faster than I did.Resources:The Power and Control WheelHow I Came Out of DenialSupport the showRemember you deserve to live in freedom and peace,Julia Find me:InstagramFacebookLTLF Facebook GroupMedium Music from Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/hartzmann/voyage License code: CACLTNI8RX0NIBR2

You need a mantra! You do. It can help you change your thought process and keep you moving forward on your healing journey.Topics:How I received a mantra from a friend.Tips for finding a mantra.Examples of mantras.What to do with your mantra.How a mantra helps your mind heal.Resources:Future Survivors: You Need a MantraFuture Survivors: You Need a PurposeCreate Your PlaylistSupport the showRemember you deserve to live in freedom and peace,Julia Find me:InstagramFacebookLTLF Facebook GroupMedium Music from Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/hartzmann/voyage License code: CACLTNI8RX0NIBR2

Here are the things I wish I knew when I left. I had no idea of what was to come or what would have made it easier for me to go through this time of transition.Topics:You are on a long road to when things will be stable and peaceful again.Put on your oxygen mask first so you can help others later.You are growing and changing rapidly.Your children are dazed and confused.Build your stamina for the future to come.Let go of the guilt.Educate yourself on narcissistic abuse and domestic violence.Coming to terms with what you have gone through so you can move to survivorship.Resources:Dr. RamaniEncouragement for the New SurvivorRegaining Self-Worth After Narcissistic AbuseSurvivors, Are You Hiding Your Scars?Support the showRemember you deserve to live in freedom and peace,Julia Find me:InstagramFacebookLTLF Facebook GroupMedium Music from Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/hartzmann/voyage License code: CACLTNI8RX0NIBR2

Today I'm talking about unlearning some of the unwelcome lessons we've learned in abusive relationships.Topics:What you learn in an abusive relationshipWhat to unlearnHow to unlearnTell yourself the truthOwn your truthLearn new things/create new memoriesSee the truth about the narcissist's projectionContinue your healing journeyPeace,JuliaSupport the showRemember you deserve to live in freedom and peace,Julia Find me:InstagramFacebookLTLF Facebook GroupMedium Music from Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/hartzmann/voyage License code: CACLTNI8RX0NIBR2

Today I talk about a disturbing realization I have had about an incident I survived while one of the narcissists in my life stood by and watched.Topics:A difficult question to answerThe story of the Good Samaritan shows us this is an age-old problemThe ultimate betrayalOur common experience with narcissismFacing what we have been through and asking difficult questions to help us healMy theory on how our minds seek more healing over time as we grow strong enoughto face the truthSpiral shaped healingGrowing self-awareness and self-trust as we healAsking our minds to help us heal in a way that keeps us safeFiling things away in your mind for future healingFeel the fear and do it anywayBuilding your support system to help you through the difficult times of healingFinding online support you can use todayThe power in sharing our storiesNarcissists only value themselvesContinue forward in your healing journeyGrowing into freedomThe beauty after the darknessSupport the showRemember you deserve to live in freedom and peace,Julia Find me:InstagramFacebookLTLF Facebook GroupMedium Music from Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/hartzmann/voyage License code: CACLTNI8RX0NIBR2

Communicating with a narcissist can be tricky. Let's talk about how to stay safe and sane when you have to be in contact with a difficult person.Topics:Communication with a narcissistAnalyze previous communications to make a plan for the futureIdeas for low-contact communicationProtecting yourselfBeing emotionless with a narc sends them on their wayTips for communicatingMake rules for yourself and stick to themHaving a trusted advisor on callKeeping your emotions out of communication with narcissistsDiffusing the situation so the narcissist loses interest in you and leaves you aloneReaction vs. responseBoundaries for communicationHealthy coping skillsReward yourselfChoose when you will communicate with themSet up a support systemEncouragementHave a wonderful week!JuliaSupport the showRemember you deserve to live in freedom and peace,Julia Find me:InstagramFacebookLTLF Facebook GroupMedium Music from Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/hartzmann/voyage License code: CACLTNI8RX0NIBR2

It's time for a new intro episode. Find out what my goals are for this podcast, who I am, and why I'm here for you. Topics:Who am I? Past to presentWhy am I podcasting?Future episode topicsMy goals for the podcastResources available to youThe futureIndiana University Bloomington Trauma Informed Care Professional Development CertificateRemember you deserve to live in freedom and peace,JuliaSupport the showRemember you deserve to live in freedom and peace,Julia Find me:InstagramFacebookLTLF Facebook GroupMedium Music from Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/hartzmann/voyage License code: CACLTNI8RX0NIBR2

In today's show I share a new understanding I had of why the narcissist needs one of his/her children to be a scapegoat. Topics covered this week:The narcissistic family systemThe children's roles as assigned by the narcissistChaos reigns in a narcissistic family systemMy theory of how the narcissist uses the scapegoat child to redeem their childhood failings.The similarities and differences between the golden child and scapegoat rolesHelp for children of narcissistic parentsHow the court system fails child victims of narcissistic abuse"The more we understand the roles children play in these family systems the more we can help them."Here's an article I wrote to go along with this podcast episode.The Narcissist's Family System: The ScapegoatThanks for listening,JuliaSupport the showRemember you deserve to live in freedom and peace,Julia Find me:InstagramFacebookLTLF Facebook GroupMedium Music from Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/hartzmann/voyage License code: CACLTNI8RX0NIBR2

Today I share an amazing story of how God provided a beautiful gift for me and my children when I moved into my apartment after living in a domestic violence shelter for almost a year. Two years later I found out who gave us this gift and how she blessed me again. There are amazing people who have suffered from abuse and tragedy but chose to come out loving and serving others after their walk through fire.Look for the blessings that come to you in your life when you least expect them.Please share any amazing blessings you have received and I will mention them in a future episode. Learning to Live Free Facebook CommunityBe blessed! Support the showRemember you deserve to live in freedom and peace,Julia Find me:InstagramFacebookLTLF Facebook GroupMedium Music from Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/hartzmann/voyage License code: CACLTNI8RX0NIBR2

"It took me awhile before I ould look back and stop making excuses for the behavior and accept it for what it was."Disclaimer: Details have been changed and my intention is not to "call out" anyone I have known. If you see yourself in this behavior maybe it is time to consider getting help.Topics:A caution on how to interpret these examples in your situation.Narcissists use "loving" behavior to keep you under control.Examples of narcissistic behavior.I referenced an article I wrote on Medium in this episode.Real-Life Examples of Narcissistic BehaviorBe blessed and remember you deserve to live in freedom and peace,JuliaSupport the showRemember you deserve to live in freedom and peace,Julia Find me:InstagramFacebookLTLF Facebook GroupMedium Music from Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/hartzmann/voyage License code: CACLTNI8RX0NIBR2

Are you suffering from nightmares as a survivor? Is there hope to be free in your dreams and your waking life?Topics:Nightmares are common for trauma survivorsMy experience with nightmaresThings you can do to help yourselfThe most helpful thing I triedResources available through therapy, medication, etcReference Articles:10 ways to conquer adult nightmares and get better sleepHow to Stop Having NightmaresMy Article on Nightmares:Do You Suffer From Nightmares After Narcissistic Abuse?Support the showRemember you deserve to live in freedom and peace,Julia Find me:InstagramFacebookLTLF Facebook GroupMedium Music from Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/hartzmann/voyage License code: CACLTNI8RX0NIBR2

Hello! I am back for a new season of the Learning to Live Free Podcast. Let's start off by choosing a word of the year.Topics:Choosing a word of the year.Word of the year vs. resolutionsHow to use your word of the yearRecap on my word of the year for 2022What your word of the year may look like in a time of crisisHitting your rock bottomHope for the futureThe importance of rebuilding on a solid foundationMy word of the year for 2023Learning to stretch into freedomDreamsSharing your story with othersRiding off into the sunsetMedium articles mentioned in this episode:Finding Balance in the New YearResolutions or Word of the YearResources I mentioned:FlyladyBoss-MomDave RameySupport the showRemember you deserve to live in freedom and peace,Julia Find me:InstagramFacebookLTLF Facebook GroupMedium Music from Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/hartzmann/voyage License code: CACLTNI8RX0NIBR2

I'm chatting this week about what is up with me and why I might be missing for awhile. Please keep moving forward with your healing and living in freedom and peace.Happy Holidays,JuliaSupport the showRemember you deserve to live in freedom and peace,Julia Find me:InstagramFacebookLTLF Facebook GroupMedium Music from Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/hartzmann/voyage License code: CACLTNI8RX0NIBR2

This episode was inspired by an article I wrote on July 11, 2021. The Narcissist is Dead InsideTopics:How and why the narc is dead insideHow narcissism can be like alcoholism The walking dead narcs don't understand the livingDid the narc choose to become dead?Are there different levels of narcissism and what does it mean in how we interact with them?Children and the narcissistGo no contactKeep healingThere is hopeYou are lovedYou are neededRemember you deserve to live in freedom and peace,JuliaSupport the showLearningtolivefree.meInstagramFacebookMedium Music from Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/hartzmann/voyage License code: CACLTNI8RX0NIBR2