2Sisters Speak: Surviving the Sandwich Generation

Are we all just hurdling ourselves through each day, again and again? When will things slow down and get a little easier? “Stop and smell the roses,” they say but, as sandwiched caregivers, we are moving so fast we don’t even notice any roses. Being busy is almost a status symbol nowadays. We tend to measure our value based on how productive we can be. We are feeling like we can never relax because there is always more to do. We tell ourselves that things will be easier ‘next week’ because it is too hard to acknowledge that we could feel this way indefinitely. As middle-aged, sandwiched caregivers, we conscientiously work to change this cycle of productivity in our own lives. We have been doing this with intention for several years now. It is hard and it takes a lot of work. For us though, trying to get everything on our list done is harder. The quality of everything suffers when we multitask, and this is a self-perpetuating cycle. Reimagine how you use your calendar and block off time. We block off time for everything, even meals, so we don’t just squeeze in eating while we are doing something else. We can accept disappointing someone because we feel in control of priorities. Referenced links: Dr. Becky Kennedy, a clinical psychologist, mom of three, and founder of Good Inside A.K.A. the Millennial Parenting Whisperer. https://www.goodinside.com Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. Thank you! More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/ © 2021 - 2024 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

Being a sandwiched adult child during the holidays is extra hard because expectations are so high. This is the happiest time of the year, right? Who makes everything magical for everyone? (Hint: it’s not Santa). It’s us and it’s a lot of pressure right now especially around our toxic family members. Here are a few quick tips for surviving the holiday sandwich season. It is not required that you participate in every argument you are invited to. A family member not involved in the regular care of a loved one does not have the right to dismiss or minimize the experiences, capabilities or opinions of those that do. As Brene Brown so eloquently says, “If you’re not in the arena also getting your ass kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback.” You do not have to explain or justify yourself. Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. Thank you! More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/ © 2021 - 2023 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

How do we make everything work as sisters, as parents, as adult children, as friends, and as business partners? In this episode we offer our best tips for getting along with the people you most depend on. We choose not to have unnecessary conflicts. It is humbling but also empowering to look at how much energy we spend either towards our goals or away from them. We purposefully let a lot slide in order to protect our complex relationship. We constantly reassess how much we each must deal with. Keeping our to-do lists fluid and checking it often allows us to reprioritize things for each other when it is needed. We are grateful all the time. Things are far from perfect, but we always have what we need. By focusing on our problems as opportunities for growth, we keep each other from dwelling in the negative. https://www.today.com/parents/bren-brown-s-advice-peace-home-during-covid-19-t177083 Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. Thank you! More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/ © 2021 - 2023 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

Grieving the loss of a loved one feels heavy and overwhelming in the best of circumstances. Many people have not considered beyond grieving how much work needs to be done by others after they pass away. It’s more than just not being willing to discuss death. Some people will never agree to proactive planning about their death and what comes afterwards. Of those that do, the catalyst is often when they realize how much worse their death will be on those who love them. It has nothing to do with age, we should strive to do what we can to make things easier for our loved ones in the event of our passing. Three take-ways from this episode: Life is fleeting and fragile, but we can make our death easier on our loved ones by providing them with all the information they may need to tie up our loose ends. There are many resources you can utilize for help with all of the logistical matters. These include planning workbooks, apps, etc. Grieving is harder when there is no direction from our loved one after they pass. Ask your loved one to participate with you in creating a plan so you can focus on mourning when that time comes, and not on things like probate and estate liquidation. Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. Thank you! More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/ © 2021 - 2023 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

How do we get our parents buy-in to move or accept care at home? As we have discussed in previous episodes, we are firm believers that the way something is said affects the way it is perceived. You have been trying for months or even years to get your dad to agree to accept help at home let alone move into assisted living, so what can you do? Listen in while we talk about what worked with our parents and experiences with our clients over the years. Three take-ways from this episode: Try to find words that will be less likely to trigger feelings for them that detract from our message and our goal. In other words, pointing out a person's decline in capacity doesn’t usually support actively getting their buy-in. Plan the conversation ahead of time. Get your research done and be prepared with what the possibilities are (we can help with this). Find a comfortable place for your parents to have these conversations in. Decide on smaller goals. Perhaps don’t worry about getting buy-in as the first objective. Focus on smaller goals like simply convincing them to consider putting a ‘back-up plan in place’ IF something should happen requiring a change. Are you interested in learning about how we might be able to support you? Click this link to schedule a free introductory call. Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. Thank you! More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/ © 2021 - 2023 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

Everyone’s situation is unique. As senior care consultants, we find ourselves offering the same resources repeatedly. Listen to today’s episode to learn our topmost frequently recommended senior care planning resources. RESOURCES: National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys (NAELA) https://www.naela.org/ Aging Life Care Association (ALCA) https://www.aginglifecare.org/ National Association of Senior Move Managers (NASMM) https://www.nasmm.org/ The National Council on Aging (NCOA) https://www.ncoa.org/ The Alzheimer's Association https://www.alz.org/ For more information on any of these resources, connect with us! www.2Sisters-sla.com Three take-ways from this episode: Don’t try to learn everything on your own. Utilize all the resources you can that could help maximize your efforts. We need many different tools to build a house and similarly we need different tools when building a senior care plan. Elder Law, Financial Planning, Case Management, Financial Support Programs, etc. We are better off creating a thorough plan but never need it than we are if we need a plan but don’t have one. Rely on the professionals around you to make a plan. Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. Thank you! More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/ © 2021 - 2023 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

Maya Angelou once said, "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." We pay attention to how the words we use make others feel. We can’t control how what we say is perceived, but we can choose different words to help us towards the outcome we are hoping for. The word "facility" connotes a medical establishment, not a place where I would want to live. Are assisted livings facilities? Technically, yes, but doesn’t residence or community feel more like somewhere you would move into and live? Diapers vs. Depends Toileting vs. Assistance to use the bathroom Feeder vs helping to eat Locked unit versus secure neighborhood I am saying the same thing, but don’t those words just FEEL better? In this episode we explore language and how the words we use can advance your objective or create more resistance. Three take-ways from this episode: The choice of words directly affects how we perceive what is being said. Resistance to moving can often be overcome when we pay attention to how we are presenting the information. Choosing words that demonstrate our empathy shows that we are making an effort to understand the challenges another person is dealing with. Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. Thank you! More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/ © 2021 - 2023 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

Does being independent mean that you can do everything for yourself? By the traditional standards, independence equals self-sufficiency. Many of our clients are stubbornly committed to not accepting help. Accepting help means they are failing at taking care of themselves. We perceive independence as having agency over our lives and choices, control over how we want to live, but we don’t believe for a minute that we should do it all on our own. We are embracing a shift in perspective. Not that many people are truly independent in this day and age. There are those who choose to live off the grid and rely on their own resources for food and shelter, but the rest of us are interdependent in some way. We can help our loved ones to see how utilizing the resources available, embracing technology and learning to outsource, actually allows them to live more independently. Three take-ways from this episode: Delegating and outsourcing allows us to better choose how we use our time. Why struggle? Using your resources to make life easier is being independent. Interdependence allows for greater independence. Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. Thank you! More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/ © 2021 - 2023 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

In this episode, Michelle and Alyson discuss some of the resources available to help us have important conversations about end of life with our loved ones. Death is inevitable. We all know this. Let’s explore the options we have to honor our loved ones in the way they want to be honored. What measures can we take, at any age, to alleviate the burden of our inevitable death for our loved ones who are mourning? What are the current trends surrounding the passing of a loved one? Listen in to find out! Three take-ways from this episode: Dying is a natural part of life. Ignoring or denying this prevents us from getting the closure that we want for ourselves and for our families. Embrace what choices we do have when it comes to the end of life. Have the conversations about it. Funerals for the living, celebrations of life, death doulas and other trends are changing how we can process the death of a loved one. Useful links - The Conversation project www.theconversationproject.org Coda Alliance www.codaalliance.org Compassion & Choices www.compassionandchoices.org Five Wishes www.fivewishes.org Honoring Choices MA www.honoringchoicesmass.com Hospice Foundation of America www.hospicefoundation.org International End-of-Life Doula Association www.inelda.org Celebration of life/funeral trends – (From website Funerals by T.S. Warden www.tswarden.com) Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. Thank you! More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/ © 2021 - 2023 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

Death is inevitable, it happens to ALL of us. Ignoring this, and refusing to talk about it, only makes things harder for the loved ones we leave behind. So many people are in denial that they will experience death at some point. Things are absolutely different when someone’s passing is unexpected or their life has been cut short. But for an elderly person, perhaps we can change our perspective from mourning to gratitude, or even celebration. We can be overwhelmingly sad but choose to honor a full, well-lived life. Find out what your loved ones want after they pass. Contemplate, however depressing, what you may want to have happen when you pass away? Three take-ways from this episode: Planning ahead makes dealing with your own death easier on the loved one you’re leaving behind. Do as we say and not as we do! (Although we did set a goal) There is a wide diversity of cultural and religious opinions about death, but it is up to each of us to communicate our own personal wishes. Useful links- What are hospice and palliative care? Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. Thank you! More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/ © 2021 - 2023 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

Validating, redirecting, using therapeutic fibs, and empathic listening are some of the most common techniques used to successfully communicate with someone who has dementia. Each of these techniques requires us to think on our feet, and go with the flow. Communication with someone who has dementia is outcome-based. What is the objective of what we are communicating? Are we trying to get them to perform a particular task? Are we trying to minimize their agitation? Improve the quality of their day? There are many ways to accomplish each of these things, but it is almost never by expecting them to enter present reality. Three take-ways from this episode: Validation therapy, versus reality orientation, is the correct approach to communicate with someone who has dementia. The phrase: “Yes, And”, is more than two words simply strung together. It is a state of mind. The basic concept is that we are up for anything, and will go along with whatever might be thrown our way. Essentially, we don’t use the word “No” very often. Therapeutic fibs are little white lies that can be used to prevent unnecessary distress for someone with dementia. Useful links-  https://www.seniorliving.org/health/validation-therapy/ https://www.verywellhealth.com/using-validation-therapy-for-people-with-dementia-98683 Using improve to life with Alzheimer’s Ted Talk: https://www.tedmed.com/talks/show?id=526821 Alzheimer’s Association https://www.alz.org/ Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. Thank you! More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/ © 2021 - 2023 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

Blind spots refer to things that we are not fully conscious of that affect our lives. This is sometimes due to a lack of knowledge or awareness, but it is often because we are in denial. The definition of a blind spot, according to the APA Dictionary of Psychology is, “a lack of insight or awareness—often persistent—about a specific area of one's behavior or personality, typically because recognition of one's true feelings and motives would be painful.” Blind spots occur in many areas of our lives, but especially so with our aging parents. Three takeaways from this episode: A true blind spot is when you don’t know what you don’t know. Other blind spots are often things that are right in front of us that we don’t want to acknowledge. We all have them. If you don’t think you have a blind spot, that is one of your blind spots! Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. Thank you! More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/ © 2021 - 2023 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

We miss our parents, but they’re still here. It’s not easy wanting support from our parents -- but now they need our support instead. Being an adult child or family caregiver means having less support but more responsibility. We want to look to our parents for guidance, as they may have always provided, but instead they are looking upon us for support. Especially when there is cognitive decline, we experience mourning over the loss of someone who is still alive. Three takeaways from this episode: It is especially isolating to lose a loved one who is still alive. “The only constant in life is change.” - Heraclitus Finding support groups and other ways to connect with people who are also sandwiched can have huge benefits. Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. Thank you! More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/ © 2021 - 2023 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

How would your loved one prefer to live if they can’t manage alone independently? What is their goal? Do you have the resources and support system to achieve the goal? We’re going on a trip, but we have no map or GPS and not quite enough gas to get there. Will we get to our destination? Maybe eventually, but not without some struggles and costly detours. You can figure out how far your gas will get you and map out a route in advance. So many people just start heading in the direction of what they want without knowing if they can get there. If staying home is the destination, find a map that can help you plan out how to get there successfully. Measure the distance and make sure you have the resources to get where you want to go. And, if you don’t, what do you want your back-up plan to look like? Three takeaways from this episode: The number one expressed goal is to stay at home through end of life. Number two is never to go into a nursing home. Just because we want something, doesn’t always make it achievable. It is nice to know in advance what challenges may need to be overcome in order to achieve your goal. Always try for your primary goal but have a back-up plan in case you need one. Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. Thank you! More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/ © 2021 - 2023 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

Michelle and Alyson tap into their lifetime of experiences to discuss what can be expected from an assisted living residence. What is the difference between assisted living and a nursing home? What is included at an assisted living? How much care is available in an assisted living? What happens if you run out of money? What if your loved one is not happy? Three takeaways from this episode: Assisted living residences offer more dignified, home-like environments than nursing homes because they are a social model of care versus a medical one. Restaurant-style meals are included in almost all assisted living residences as well as most utilities, housekeeping, linen service, wellness checks, available 24 hour assistance, local transportation, and social programming. Assisted living residences are the most affordable way to have 24/7 care available, unless you qualify for Medicaid. In Massachusetts at least, only nursing homes are fully subsidized by Medicaid. Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. Thank you! More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/ © 2021 - 2023 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

Why are we able to support people in working with their families, and yet, have so little patience with our own family? In today’s episode, we commiserate with a listener who sent us an email. This email in particular struck a chord with us because we struggle with the same issue! If nurses make the worst patients, then senior care professionals make the worst adult children. Right? This is at least true for us, and we are willing to bet that it is for many of you, too. Three takeaways from this episode: Having patience for other people does not necessarily extend to our own families. It’s easy to feel triggered when we’re emotionally invested. Seeking assistance from outside professionals, who are not in your family, can be very helpful. It’s easier to give advice than it is to follow our own. Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. Thank you! More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/ © 2021 - 2023 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

What is a respite stay? When is a respite stay appropriate? What should you expect when your loved one does a respite stay?  There are a few types of respite stays. Some are short-term stays because a caregiver is going away or needs a break. Other types are more of a trial stay in an assisted living. Respite stays can have great outcomes and, in this episode, Michelle, Alyson and Emily explore why. Three takeaways from this episode: A respite stay can be used as a short-term break for a family caregiver or as a trial stay to see if you like an assisted living or nursing home. Respite stays can be used to convince someone, who is otherwise resistant, to consider life in an assisted living. A temporary stay is much easier to agree to than a permanent one. A vast majority of our clients who move into an assisted living community for a respite stay, choose to stay permanently. Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. Thank you! More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/ © 2021 - 2023 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

Communicating with someone who has dementia can be especially challenging because relating to them becomes increasingly hard as their memory declines. Drawing upon our years of experience, we have seen what is most successful for families. This, along with our Certified Dementia Practitioner certifications, sets the stage for this episode about communication approaches. Three take-ways from this episode: What is truth? Truth is a matter of perspective, especially for people with dementia. People who have dementia process information very differently than we can relate to. We cannot control their thoughts or behaviors, but we can control ours in order to best support them. Validation and redirection are crucial approaches to successful communication with those who have dementia. What is a Certified Dementia Practitioner? The mission of the NCCDP® (https://www.nccdp.org/) is to promote, encourage and enhance the knowledge, skills and practice of all persons who provide care and / or services to Dementia clients by means of requiring excellent standards of education, Dementia specific training and incentives for professional development of those who are dedicated to the ever growing field of Dementia Care. Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. Thank you! More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/ © 2021 - 2023 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

What should you ask during a tour of an assisted living or a nursing home? What should you prepare for and expect? In this episode, we offer our advice for a productive initial tour. Michelle Woodbrey, Alyson Powers and Emily Rogue come together to share their tips for touring an assisted living community or nursing facility. One of the most common questions we are asked is if we have a checklist for touring. In fact, we don’t. Listen to find out why and what we recommend instead! Three key takeaways from this episode: Take notes after your tour and then follow-up to get your questions answered. Do take the opportunity to tour nursing homes in advance whenever it is possible. The formula to a great care environment is: happy staff equals happy residents. To schedule a free initial consultation click here to find a time in our calendar! Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. Thank you! More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/ © 2021 - 2023 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

Happy New Year! What is your New Years’ resolution? You don’t have one? We don’t either! Join us as we embrace our inner-Goblins for 2023. Goblin Mode is defined as a "type of behavior which is unapologetically self-indulgent, lazy, slovenly, or greedy, typically in a way that rejects social norms or expectations." This was Oxford’s word of the year for 2022 and we feel seen. After 2+ years of enduring through a global pandemic with heightened political tension and a climate in crisis , we’re tired. And we’re tired of being women who don’t seem to be tired. Let’s not set huge expectations for ourselves at the start of this new year if we don’t want to. Let’s just show up, as we are. This is Goblin mode. Three key takeaways from this episode: According to Oxford, Goblin Mode was chosen because it reflects the mood of the past 12 months. We were thrilled to learn we are not the only ones. Just show up. It doesn’t necessarily matter how you show up, just show up. Being authentic and not pretending to be something you’re not gives others permission to do the same. Let’s be Goblins together.   References & Links mentioned in the show: https://www.npr.org/2022/12/05/1140696560/oxford-word-2022-goblin-mode https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2022/12/06/goblin-mode-meaning-oxford/ To schedule a free initial consultation click here to find a time in our calendar! Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. Thank you! More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/ © 2023 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers