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Stray Bullets
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Stray Bullets

Author: E.S. Haggan

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Having served over thirty years in the RUC / PSNI I was medically retired with CPTSD. Dissociative Identity Disorder also evolved in me as a residue of CPTSD. I wrote a novel, 'The Bitter End of Dreams', through which I hoped to reflect the experiences of working class folk caught in the grip of a sectarian conflict. I set my story in Belfast, but replaced the Judeo-Christian god with that of Mithras. I also gave Northern Ireland an extra county. Such counterfactual alterations opened up for me the opportunity to place my story deep within the NI Troubles without being shackled to specific timelines, events and real people - thus avoiding the risk of libelling anyone, while being able to write a story, familiar to many, and retaining a sense of place and the tragedy of the Troubles. ​​I'm going to talk openly about elements of policing the Troubles, religion, politics, sectarianism and our toxic ideologies. I've explored these topics in my novel, as well as the placing of actual events and atrocities; albeit heavily disguised or deeply submerged in subtext.​​To better frame my thoughts I will, firstly, discuss each chapter in sequence before reading that chapter. In this way I should be able to complete a spoken word version of my novel while using the opportunity it provides to elaborate on its creation process in the context of the NI Troubles.​​Thank you.
22 Episodes
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I'd just recorded Part II of my consideration of Forgiveness and Recrimination in a post-conflict Northern Ireland when my SSD gave up the ghost. On retrospect it may have been a blessing in disguise as I wasn't completely happy with the experimental format of the episode, besides I'd only noticed several dropouts in the recording just as I was completing it which would've meant rerecording it!So, I'm going to revise the format and presentation of Part II. It'll also give me a chance to do a ...
I Bear No Grudge

I Bear No Grudge

2024-04-0534:21

This episode is Part One of Two in which I look at two atrocities, one in 1972 and one in 1987, through the words of two fathers who both experienced the murder of one of their children. Ultimately, this episode will, I hope, help me explore the aspect of 'forgiveness' in the context of conflict, specifically the Troubles. In Part Two (the concluding episode) I would hope to be freer to voice my thoughts - not only on the aspect of 'forgiveness', but also on that of the seeking of an apo...
In this episode I am focusing on two Troubles' murders, those of RUC Sgt Hugh Brendan McCormac and Pat Finucane. Both men were slaughtered in front of their wives and young children. While this episode concludes the theme of 'Doorstep Murders' I felt that these two cases - from the thousands murdered during the Troubles - demonstrated how the killers thought nothing of murdering their victims in very close proximity to the respective families.I do go digress here and there, but I sincerely ho...
In this episode I return to narrative form through which to recount an actual doorstep shooting that occurred in Belfast 1979. As always, names have been changed as well as the Provisional IRA gunman's ground support being slightly altered.After the main body of the occurrence there follows an account of the victim's recollections and thoughts (this may be similar to the Victim Impact Statements of today).This is then immediately followed by segments from a (wider) interview of the gunman pos...
Briefing Book

Briefing Book

2023-12-1605:25

This is just a very succinct update on upcoming episodes and the future of the podcast. Many thanks. I owe a massive debt of gratitude to all who have - and continued to - listen to my thoughts, experiences and reflections on my time as an officer in the Royal Ulster Constabulary during the Northern Ireland Troubles. Click here if you wish to get in touch.
In this episode I briefly recount some of my experiences as an RUC baton gunner. Obviously this is a very contentious subject and I am very cognizant of this. Seventeen civilians were killed by rubber or plastic bullets during the Troubles, eight of the dead were children, all of the dead were catholic. Many others have been gravely injured by the weapon. There remain arguments for its use, as well as arguments against. As I say these are wholly my own thoughts and experiences surroundin...
In this episode I take a look at Dissident Irish Republican micro-groups. Rather than a case of considering some of their 'military actions', I'll be focusing on republican ideology as well as theology.How do dissidents view themselves as opposed to Sinn Fein? What drives their appetite for continuing violence?Is there much difference between dissidents and organised crime groups?I hope to, if not answer some of the above then give food for thought, plus look briefly at the stateme...
In this the second, and concluding part, of my look at the recent BBC TV drama Blue Lights, a drama based on frontline policing in the PSNI, I'll be ruminating on aspects such as threats against police, extra-marital affairs in the RUC / PSNI, the depiction of MI5 and Special Branch in the drama.Obviously this episode is peppered with SPOILERS, I do think I saw a little subtext in the drama too - I'm most likely wrong, but I thought I'd discuss it anyway to see if it makes s...
Using this opportunity to have a break, of sorts, from specific topics which I'd encountered throughout my RUC / PSNI career. Instead, I'm looking at the recent BBC TV drama Blue Lights, a drama based on frontline policing in the PSNI. I'll spend this episode and the following looking at some of the characterisations and narrative strands within Blue Lights while reflecting upon similar in the context of my career in policing both the Troubles and the 'peace'. I hope you enjoy them....
In this episode I'll be recounting an incident which occurred in Ballymurphy, West Belfast, 1993.It involved uniformed RUC officers, CID and members of the British Army. The local PIRA ASU were also involved in the planning and preparation of an attack on the security forces. I'll also be reflecting upon our memorialising and structuring of folk-memory in the context of the Northern Ireland Troubles. The episode is presented within a narrative framework. Click here if you wish...
During the Troubles the squeeze of a trigger or flick of a switch could quickly turn the events of the day from mundane to inhumane. For the majority of the time the victims of shootings or bombings would have been vastly unaware of their fate. But sometimes not. How do you process the possibility of confronting someone who wants to murder you? The following occurrence in this episode actually unfolded in the manner recounted. I was present along with two of my colleagues. We were in uni...
In Part II of 'In Bloody Protest For A Glorious Thing' I continue my thoughts on militant Republicanism in the context of 'Heroic-Sacrifice' and a mythic past to which the Patriot Dead added their names for 'Ireland's freedom'.Ultimately what I wanted to do was look at the literary and historical sources extant in Irish Republicanism which informed its evolving ideology as well as providing PIRA volunteers with the mental tools whereby they could quite happily someone like myself while feelin...
Part I of II:In this episode I discuss the perception of the Royal Ulster Constabulary held by the Irish Nationalist / Republican community which grew from incidents such as Burntollet Bridge and police baton charges in Derry during the beginning of the Troubles. To do so I look at the actions of the State in respect of that community as well as some of my own encounters and thoughts. To conclude I consider the Hunger Strikes of 1980/81.In Part II I continue my thoughts on the legacy of the H...
Since the establishment of Northern Ireland in 1921, and the Royal Ulster Constabulary a year later, it has been acknowledged that the RUC was overwhelmingly comprised of those from the protestant community within Northern Ireland. This factor led, in small part, to a lineage of 'police families'; fathers, mothers, sons and daughters continuing the tradition of their forbearers by enlisting as RUC officers. When the Troubles ignited in 1969 it saw the RUC become over-stretch...
In this episode I recount a gun and rocket attack against members of the Royal Ulster Constabulary which took place in Newry during the very late 1980s. The attack was coordinated by the south Armagh Provisional IRA along with elements of the Newry PIRA.As ever, the identity of any individuals involved has been heavily cloaked through changes and alterations to names, locations, characteristics and nuances. The location of the attack remains the same. In the following episode I will be t...
In this episode I recount a sniper attack upon a joint army / RUC foot patrol in West Belfast. To better relate the incident I have characterised both state and non-state actors. I have also used a narrative framework to provide a clearer image of those involved. This account is lifted from personal involvement as well as information available to me at the time, and later. As ever, names and some details have been omitted or altered.The primary characters in this episode are:Dee - a member of...
The Murder Corridor

The Murder Corridor

2022-05-0733:15

West Belfast. Early 1990s. Royal Ulster Constabulary officers are lured to address. Waiting for them is an Improvised Explosive Device and a 'murder corridor' engineered and primed by the Provisional Irish Republican Army.Presented in a narrative framework this episode explores the impact on ordinary members of the public who find themselves caught up in a plot to murder police and / or soldiers. As with previous episodes the incident is one I recall. I have embellished the characterisa...
No Small Mercy

No Small Mercy

2022-03-2533:37

This episode details a gun attack on members of the Royal Ulster Constabulary at Grosvenor Road RUC station, Belfast in 1992. One officer received a gunshot wound as a result of the attack.The incident also involves a Special Branch asset (tout / agent) and his handler.To better relate the incident I have created three narrators:Jude - a member of the Provisional IRAMark - a Special Branch officerRichard - a member of the RUC Full-Time ReserveThe above are based on real people involved ...
Nothing Personal

Nothing Personal

2022-02-2335:19

A narrative account of the attempted murder of a RUC officer during August 1987. This incident occurred in the Royal Victoria Hospital, Belfast. Like so many other incidents at the time it went unreported by local news outlets (during the 1980s and early 1990s the frequency of terrorist attacks usually meant only those causing death, serious injury or extensive damage to property were reported).Again, I have used 'narrators' in order to enhance the listening experience. Naturally, the names u...
This episode is based on an actual occurrence I experienced a number of times in the 1980s. It's recounted in narrative form using three narrators, the primary one being an RUC officer. If this format is preferred by you please let me know (Twitter: @redbrickedslums). If it proves so I'll upload further tales from the Troubles using this form. Thank you.Click here if you wish to get in touch.
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