BOMcast!

Barbie Episode! Cara finally gets the upper hand by having both Erin and Mindy at the table. At long last, a break from this sausage fest. And just in time. We read more of these short outrs and add a few more dudes to the character roster. For whatever reason these next outs are part of the Book of Omni, who’s probably the founder of Vega’s own Club Omni.Even with these short entries, we see some resume padding. I’ll bet these guys were also all over five foot-five, that was history’s six-fo...

This is a very special 30th episode because it started this summer when Kelly sat down to record with us at Revival and, well, it was the most magical, funny, insightful episode we’ve ever recorded. Seriously, I think it was going to be our pièce de résistance but tragedy struck and the battery we were using to power the recording equipment failed and when it did it corrupted the recording. We lost like 56 minutes of magic. This was our 116 lost pages moment. Do we try and re-record it? ...

Oil wrestling or mud wrestling? That's really all we need to figure out. I mean, there's an obvious choice, but Bronze skips over that and gets dirty. Look, we know it can't be easy to make brass plates in pre-columbian Panama but it feels like Jacob's lack of initiative has been passed on to every one of his descendants. Nephi must have known this and wanted the sweetest gigs for his kids. Be king, young man. Younger brother, uh, how about "Prophet"?I really want to see these plates. Yo...

We are joined by Michael, no stranger to podcasting, and we get to dive into the juiciest tale so far in BOMcast! Tell me Jacob's a low-energy beta without telling me he is... start a story with an apology, regularly use the wrong agricultural terms (olive vineyard much?!), and rebuff the advances of the one beautiful soul in this world who cares about you whilst you go on about some idea you stole from Zenos (Jesus!, how could a prophet with such a badass name produce the worst parable ...

Mike and Cousin Sterling help us put a nail in The Book of Jacob Chapter iii and not a moment too soon. This has to be the worst parable ever. It's like a Martha Stewart had a breakdown and started maiming olive trees to get back at an ex kind of vibe. Also, did you know that Avatar blue is the bitterest color in the universe? Of course, you did. But also, that might make it even more brilliant. Joseph writes this sad sack, street dwelling, chronic masturbater in Jacob, and Jacob gives u...

Nate gives us the best opening story so far and then we're in it. We cast Rick Moranis as Jacob and Jacob tries his best to measure up to his dad and older brother with an extend parable/analogy involving an Olive Vineyard.That's right. Not an olive orchard, grove, or garden. A vineyard because unfortunately, Joseph Smith couldn't imagine anything profound that wouldn't get you drunk. Fortunately, we were so we powered through. And you all get to meet the worst boss ever--he's like a teenage ...

We got to read with Chad again! Can we just say that Jacob’s our favorite? I mean, sure who do we have to compare him to? Enos, played by Prince Herbert of the Swamp? Nephi, who's one of the best-written characters but God, he's the worst. Jacob is so relatable with his earnest whining about carpal tunnel and his obvious addiction to high-definition Liahona porn (like father, like son). Did you know that Jacob predicted a Messianic orgasm 100 years before it happened? See, he's the best...

Gonzo talks to Mike (Mormons on Mushrooms) about Lehi's Tree of Life dream. Mike is our first, and hopefully, not last expert on BOMcast. His background in depth psychology, dream analysis, his penchant for the absurd, and his delightful laugh serve him very well as he helps us explicate this crazy dream.We cover it all:Party mansion on the hill? Check!Smiter in the sex dungeon? Check!Iron rod as a phallic symbol? Check!Tree of life and magic fruit? Check!But we go into new territory too! Mis...

It's the core crew. We start off-script and miraculously manage to read a bit of Jacob. We managed to bring it together, but some of the tangents during the intro were too tangential. But fear not; keep an eye out on IG for out-of-context-outtakes. We promise they wouldn't make any more sense with context. Totally factual revelations in this episode:Jacob's probably talking passive-aggressively about one specific guy, and that guy's probably his wife's ex-boyfriend or maybe current...

Is it finally Jacob’s turn to shine? “Reggie” (Cara’s favorite false name) joins us to kick off Jacob and while we kind of hate to admit it Jacob is his own character. But the thing is he’s not Nephi. Not the mob-boss cult leader his brother was we imagine poor Jacob turning the family profession—street preaching—into sad-sap complaining to any who will listen. Fortunately, he’s got a technological advantage; he’s writing on metal. So even if his neighbors won’t listen future generations will...

I’m so happy with this episode. We did it folks, we finished Nephi. We also sang the longest drunk singing reading to date! We get to brass tacks; what is the holiest of the holes? And we figure out the name of God's bar. It's not cloud 9. That would be stupid. Only an idiot would come up with that. And come up with our best tshirt design, maybe ever.Now, I’ve (Gonzo) read this book several times before with so much earnestness. I wanted to figure out how it could possibly be what it was clai...

We had fun with this one thanks to our guest host, Scott. Scott works as a therapist and brought a great perspective and intelligence that is normally missing from our yammering. We didn't realize it until later that we recorded a great conversation about the personality and behaviors of Nephi that morphed into a chat about the personality and behaviors of the author, Joseph Smith. We solve the border dispute in the Holy Land in the most reductive way possible, which will obviously persuade e...

Dan joins us again (Episode 13) and immediately we’re dealing with God’s obsession with some man’s rod—Jessie’s rod. We learn of children playing on Asp-holes and putting their hands on the fabled cockatrice’s den. This mythical beast inspires Bronze to break out in song! “Put your hand on the cockatrice’s den” is a song for the ages. But it doesn’t end there. We get into the esoterica surrounding Egyptian butt plugs and Mr. Tumnus from Narnia makes an appearance.

Mindy (episode 10) joins us to suffer another chapter-long quote from the book of Isaiah, and so of course we start hallucinating. We crack open the old chestnut: What's with Mary, mother of Jesus—new theory, she was a beard the whole time! Oh, Joseph, you sly devil! See this is the kind of enlightened theorizing you get from reading this book. We hit Handel’s Messiah lyrics, kids playing on asp-holes, and Jessie’s rod--all Mindy wants is Jessie's rod or was it Jessie's mom? Tune in to find out.

Brian joins us again (in episode 6 and the interviews in episode 14) to finish chapter VI in the Second Book of Nephi. We love Brian. We wouldn’t want to embarrass him this way, but he’s kind of a big deal, and if there’s been any improvement in this project, it’s because he’s been sweet enough to give us helpful advice. In these pages, Nephi hands the mic to his younger brother, protege, and cult leader-in-waiting, Jacob. Jacob is showing some real panache with this stuff. He quotes pages of...

Aaron returns (first joining us in Episode 8) to polish off Chapter V in The Second Book of Nephi. We power through Jacob's copying more Isaiah into the permanent record. One gets the impression that Nephi and Jacob have an entire cottage industry dedicated to making brass paper because they are not shy about pulling in significant sections of the bible--maybe they thought their copy would last longer? I mean, they got the idea for a brass bible from the one they stole, so what's with all thi...

In this episode, we're joined by Chad and then delightfully Connor (Episode 10) drops in. We read Chapter V in The Second Book of Nephi, starting on page 74. Heads-up, this is an Isaiah chapter. We feel like we read some of these chapters to take one for the team. But this one has some fun surprises. Did you know God was into BDSM? Well of course he is, he created everything and that has to include kink. But did you know God had a dungeon and dedicated "smiter"? Like, we all knew God was into...

In this special edition of the BOMCast, we listen in on an impromptu interview that took place after recording a regular episode with Brian G., a friend of the show and star of Episode 6. Listen in on this short chat, and if you have any questions that Brian should have asked us, we'd love to hear them.

Gonzo, Bronze, and Cara are joined by Dan as they read through the events following Lehi's death in Second Nephi. For all his failings, Lehi managed to keep the peace between Laman, Nephi, and the family factions that followed each. Nephi obviously struggles with positive self-talk and his neurosis manifests as saying the quiet parts out loud. Normally, not a bit deal but following his father's death, this results in creating quite a scene in front of his brothers' families and Mrs. Nephi see...

Gonzo, Bronze, Cara, and Josh (the only man who could ever reach us) dive into Lehi's deathbed wishes and guilt trips for his children. We find new joy in the text thanks to Josh's facility with a spot-on baptist preacher accent that inspires the rest of us.