DiscoverFighting for Connection - Creating a Secure Marriage
Fighting for Connection - Creating a Secure Marriage
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Fighting for Connection - Creating a Secure Marriage

Author: Brett Nikula, LMFT

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Want a close connected and secure relationship? Maybe you feel like something's not quite right in your relationship, even though there are a lot of good things. You and your partner love each other, but there are moments that hurt. It's normal for all relationships to experience conflict or worry. The difference between the couples that remain close and the couples that drift apart is their ability to work through conflict and moments of worry and insecurity within the relationship. 

Listen in to discover new ways to stay close and connected even through the toughest moments life throws at you.. Learn how to deal with your patterns of conflict and make your connection stronger. Simply listen, learn, make changes, and see positive transformations in your relationship.

Brett Nikula is an LMFT and Relationship coach that works with couples that want to stay together, that really care about each other, learn to communicate in a way that reduces the pain in the relationship and increases the connection.

78 Episodes
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It's Not You, It's Me

It's Not You, It's Me

2024-03-2511:30

Embarking on an exploration of our emotional worlds, I, Brett Nikula, invite you to peer into the depths of the inner child and its profound influence on our relationships. In this episode I dissect the powerful yearnings for acceptance and security that weave through our connections with others. This episode is a candid revelation of how, when these fundamental desires go unfulfilled, our partnerships often bear the brunt, leading to conflicts that are, in essence, desperate pleas from our inner selves. As we traverse the intricate terrain of partnership dynamics, I emphasize the transformative potential of self-awareness and clear communication. By adopting the ethos of "It's not you, it's me," we learn to convey our inner fears and vulnerabilities without casting blame, setting the stage for transparency and growth within our relationships. This episode doesn't just promise insight—it offers a pathway to building more secure and resilient unions. Join me as we uncover the strategies that empower us to become better individuals for ourselves and, ultimately, better partners in our relationships. 
When Kelsey's away, the heart doesn't just grow fonder—it learns. My reflection on the weekends without my wife turned a spotlight on the intricate dance of repair and connection essential for keeping our relationship vibrant. We've all been there, sailing smoothly in love's waters, only to hit the occasional storm of conflict. In our latest chat on the Fighting for Connection podcast, I, Brett Nikula, speak candidly about the importance of recognizing and breaking free from the conflict cycle, steering clear of the dreaded 'roommate effect' to maintain an intimate, thriving partnership.This time around, we're peeling back the layers on what it truly means to commit to a loving relationship. Imagine a china plate, beautifully unique yet susceptible to cracks; now picture those same fractures mended, not with gold, but with understanding, communication, and the determination to repair. That's the vision I share with listeners as we explore how addressing conflicts can actually strengthen the love shared with your partner. Join me in becoming the cycle breaker our relationships deserve. It's all about pouring continuous effort into our connections, and I'm here to walk you through this ongoing journey of nurturing the love in our lives.
A Secure Bond

A Secure Bond

2024-03-1121:37

Have you ever found yourself hesitating to reach out to someone because a voice inside your head whispered, "You're not good enough"? Our latest episode of Fighting for Connection is a journey through these common shadows of doubt and how they can cast a chill on our relationships. As I recount my own struggle with imposter syndrome and the longing to communicate more effectively, I reveal the universality of these insecurities and how they often serve as hidden barriers to intimacy.It's a raw truth that our imperfections are the very essence of what makes us relatable, yet it's these same flaws that can sometimes make us feel unworthy of love. Through stories of personal loss and the use of faith as a compass, we explore the belief that acceptance doesn't require perfection. We discuss the dual responses to insecurity—retraction and overcompensation—and how they can lead us astray from the connections we yearn for. This conversation aims to light a path to embracing our true selves and the deeper emotional bonds that can result.Wrapping up, the episode shifts to a broader canvas, painting the importance of human connections and how we can confront and dismantle the barriers that obstruct them. I touch upon the resources from my Connected Couples Campus, designed to help listeners like you fortify your relationship skills. Remember, it's not about pushing through fears to be someone others want in your life; it's about recognizing that you already are that person. Tune in for authentic insights into the art of nurturing the relationships that matter most.
Struggling to keep up with life demands can feel like an uphill battle, especially when juggling the chaos of a travel-laden career and a growing family. My personal journey has taught me invaluable lessons about the significance of consistency and persistence, not just in the realm of relationships, but through all of life's experience as well. In this heartfelt conversation, I, Brett Nikula, peel back the layers of these twin traits that are so crucial to our lives, sharing how they've shaped my bond with my wife, Kelsey, and the surprising ways Emotionally Focused Therapy has brought us closer together.The fabric of our connections with others, woven through communication and emotional vulnerability, can sometimes fray under the pressure of societal norms—especially for men. Within this episode, I discuss the delicate balance of expressing emotions and the transformative power of building secure relationships, which can turn misunderstandings into opportunities for deeper intimacy. As we shift to the business landscape, I reveal the inner workings of my enterprise, Pivotal Approach, underscoring that while there's no magic formula for triumph, the relentless pursuit of our dreams is built on the bedrock of persistence and consistence. Join me as we navigate these intertwined personal and professional paths, discovering the strength in our steadfastness and the courage in our perseverance.
I so enjoyed this visit. We cried, and laughed, and chatted. And we also recorded. Listen in as Leanne and Derek share an incredible story of Love. We also talk about addiction and how it creates so much pain and havoc. But I couldn't help but walk away with a renewed desire to love more. You can learn more about Leanne and her story at https://www.evolvefamilyrecovery.org/about or on instagram at https://www.instagram.com/evolve.addictionfamilyrecoveryYou can find Derek and his business on instagram as well at https://www.instagram.com/dgndirtworkutilitiesThank you for listening.
Disconnection

Disconnection

2024-02-1914:39

Have you ever felt adrift in the vast ocean of life's relationships, yearning for a lifeline? Join me, Brett Nicola, as I delve into the profound effects of disconnection on our most cherished bonds in the latest episode of the Fighting for Connection podcast. I share my personal experiences and those of my clients to shine a light on the human need for connection and how it shapes our interactions. Through the metaphor of being lost at sea, I uncover the emotions of panic and isolation that can emerge when we find ourselves disconnected from those we care about. This conversation is not just an exploration of challenges but also an offering of hope, bringing us closer to the connectedness our hearts desire.The journey toward connection continues as we confront the turbulent conflict cycles that often undermine our relationship's stability. Imagine being caught in a rip current of recurring disagreements – that's precisely what many couples face. However, as you tune in, you'll learn the critical skills to break free and steer back to the safe harbor of love and understanding. This episode is made even more special with the invaluable insights from a dynamic husband and wife duo who personify the principles of rekindling connection. So whether you're navigating these waters alone or with your partner, be prepared to be inspired and equipped with strategies that can transform your relationship into a beacon of connectedness.
Holding Space

Holding Space

2024-02-1222:30

Embark on an intimate exploration with me, Brett Nicola, as I share the balancing act of nurturing a thriving career alongside a vibrant family life. Picture the heartwarming morning routine of dropping off the little ones at school and the cherished midday breaks spent with my beloved wife. These personal vignettes from my life as a devoted family man and a seasoned relationship coach frame today's episode, where I delve into the art of crafting robust communication structures for couples. Our heartfelt discussion will illuminate the ways in which clear and compassionate dialogue can not only bridge gaps but also fortify the bonds of partnership.Witness the profound transformation that takes place when we create a sanctuary for our significant others to express their feelings authentically. I recount my own journey of learning to provide Kelsey, my wife, with a space to unfold her emotions without the pressure of my own reactions clouding the moment. It's about becoming the steadfast beacon in the emotional squalls that life casts our way. As we navigate through the tempest, I offer insights into acknowledging and supporting our partners' emotions as wholly their own, a testament to the strength and resilience that can blossom from such understanding. Tune in and let's venture together into the rich landscape of cultivating enduring, loving connections.
New Life

New Life

2024-02-0529:33

It's just too hard to improve upon the AI summery so here you go.As the Nicola family tree extends its branches with the arrival of Bram Walter Nicola, I, Brett Nicola, invite you into an intimate reflection on the beauty of beginnings and the deep-rooted theories that guide our connections. In the glow of my newborn son's first days, witness the living embodiment of attachment theory as my wife Kelsey instinctively navigates the delicate waters of our child's emotional needs—a dance of bonding that promises to shape his world and ours.Venture with us through the landscapes of the heart, where we examine the true essence of security in our closest relationships. Unwrapping the layers of what it means to feel safe, I share how symbolic actions can stir the soul yet may not anchor us in honesty and trust. We'll traverse the challenges that arise when our relational needs go unmet, discuss the art of self-regulation, and share strategies for communicating effectively, all in the pursuit of cultivating the lasting and fulfilling bonds we all yearn for. Join me in celebrating not just the beginning of a life, but the ongoing journey of nurturing the connections that make us whole.
All the important info at the top and more AI content for you underneath. Enjoy!Download the FREE Conflict Cycle WorksheetWebsite: https://www.monicaleighblog.com Choosing To Heal Community: https://www.monicaleighblog.com/communityInstagram @monicaleighblogChoosing To Heal Instagram @choosing2heal Facebook Page: Monica Leigh Blog (@monicaleighblog)Choosing To Heal Facebook Page: Choosing To Heal (@choosingtoheal)Monica Lee's remarkable transformation from the depths of betrayal to the peaks of communal support is a story that will leave you both inspired and introspective. As she graces our latest episode of Fighting for Connection, we traverse the landscape of healing from a partner's addiction and infidelity. Our heartfelt discussion reveals the raw choice to turn pain into purpose, a decision that birthed the ‘Choosing to Heal’ community—a haven for those in the throes of their struggles, seeking camaraderie and a step-by-step path toward reclaiming their lives.With the arrival of my seventh child, I've been reminded of the delicate dance between family and professional pursuits. This week, Monica and I delve into the integral role of making conscious healing choices within relationships and how these decisions can radically reshape the dynamics between partners. We uncover the treasures within the Connected Couples Campus, an online reservoir of resources fostering personal and relational growth. It's about unlocking the power of healing together and finding solace in the shared journey of recovery.The resilience born from facing rejections in direct sales and small business ownership is a resilience that Monica knows intimately. She shares her evolution from a bank teller with a creative spark to a confident network marketer, a metamorphosis that encapsulates lessons far beyond the business realm. As we wrap up our conversation, we extend an invitation to you, our listeners, to maintain and nurture the connections in your life. Join us and absorb the insights that Monica brings to the table—because, at the heart of it all, staying connected is what gives our experiences, trials, and triumphs their true value.
Why I got Married

Why I got Married

2024-01-2238:22

More Great AI readingAs my wife Kelsey and I eagerly await the arrival of our seventh bundle of joy, I find myself reflecting on the profound connection that's only deepened with each heartbeat. Join me, Brett Nicola, as I take you on a journey through the anticipation, the nerves, and the heartwarming moments that prelude the entrance of a new family member. This episode isn't just about the pitter-patter of tiny feet; it's a celebration of the strength and inspiration my incredible wife embodies, and a heartfelt thank you to you, my listeners, for being the supportive community that has encircled us with love.Remember those first flutters of young love? Kelsey and I sure do. We're peeling back the layers of our high school sweetheart story, revealing the insecurities and infatuations that have since blossomed into a resilient partnership. Discover the pivotal gestures that laid the foundation of our bond and how understanding our unique love languages has been instrumental in nurturing our connection. It's a tale of growth, challenge, and the deep yearning for that special understanding that makes two hearts beat in unison.But what truly keeps a marriage thriving through the routine and the unexpected? I'm opening up about the transformative wisdom that shifted my view from seeing marriage as a feel-good alliance to embracing it as a service-oriented commitment. It's about putting giving before receiving, about how serving Kelsey has unexpectedly enriched our lives in ways beyond imagination. So, come with me—whether you're nurturing a new relationship, fortifying a lifelong partnership, or anywhere in between—as we explore the art of communication, the gift of serving, and the steadfast dedication it takes to love truly and deeply.
Today I enjoy a conversation with Tommy and Brenda Geary who run Tommy G Coaching and The Durable Dad Podcast. We discuss how to communicate in a clear way in order to stay close and connected in the face of life challenges and even working together. To find more of Tommy and Brenda's work check out https://www.tommygcoaching.com/and Follow them on instagram at https://www.instagram.com/tommygcoaching
I love me these Auto generated AI episode descriptions. It always has me on the edge of my seat....Have you ever felt like your emotions were holding the reins, steering you through every twist and turn of life's unpredictable journey? Join us, Brett Nicola, on a heart-to-heart conversation in the latest installment of the Fighting for Connection podcast, where we explore the delicate interplay between our thoughts and feelings amidst life's trials. We're laying out the roadmap to navigate the rough terrains of strained relationships, financial stress, health battles, and the weight of loss, focusing on the transformative power of reshaping our thought patterns to find solace in the storms we cannot calm.Venture with us as we dissect the essence of pain, examining its shifting impact through the lens of life's ever-changing experiences. The talk turns inward, challenging the instinct to flee from discomfort and instead embracing pain as an integral slice of the human experience. In the dance of relationships, we scrutinize the whispers of unworthiness that can amplify suffering. By interrogating our beliefs and adjusting our perspectives, we uncover a path to lessen our pain and reclaim control over our emotional well-being.To cap off this week's soul-stirring exchange, I share a personal chapter from my life – the journey through hair loss – and the profound lessons learned on self-worth that go skin deep. This revelation isn't just skin deep. It's about how shifting my inner dialogue led to richer connections with others, including with my beloved Kelsey. Our discussion underscores the immeasurable impact of nurturing positive thoughts, fostering resilience in the face of life's challenges. As always, your engagement through ratings and reviews fuels our mission to build bridges of connection, so join us on this odyssey of reflection and triumph over adversity.
As the calendar flips to a new page, I, Brett Nicola, invite you to join me in harnessing the transformative energy of fresh beginnings. Just like stepping onto the back nine with a renewed sense of purpose, this episode is about channeling that energy into the art of relationship renewal. Together, we'll navigate the undulating terrain of marriage therapy, sharing my personal evolution from focusing on child psychology to the profound realization that the bedrock of family dynamics rests in the strength of the parental bond. We'll uncover the joys and hurdles that come with the holiday season, and how it can act as a springboard for introspection and connection.Embark on a transformative journey with me as we break the cycle of conflict that can silently erode our most treasured relationships. I'll reveal the parallels between refining your golf swing and mastering the dynamics within your personal connections, and how practice, theory, and mental fortitude play crucial roles. With anecdotes of couples who've triumphed over the trials of communication breakdowns—like the inspiring pair who celebrated their 18-year anniversary—we'll explore the undeniable value of professional guidance. It's a celebratory look at the stories of success and an open invitation to those seeking to foster deeper, more meaningful connections in the year ahead. Join me for an episode that promises to be a caddie for your heart, helping you navigate the course of love with confidence and care.
Embarking on a marriage retreat was a game-changer for my wife, Kelsey, and me—it set the stage for a profound exploration of our relationship through the lens of Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT). As Kelsey prepares for the new chapter of motherhood, we take this podcast as an intimate platform to share the invaluable lessons we've gleaned from understanding the conflict cycle. This episode isn't just a reflection; it's a celebration of our growth and the universal dance all couples partake in their pursuit of harmony and understanding. Navigating the twists and turns of partnership, Kelsey and I have learned that true forgiveness is an art—one that's essential for breaking the chains of negative cycles that can ensnare a relationship. In this heartfelt conversation, we open up about those pivotal moments when acknowledging our deepest insecurities led to breakthroughs that transformed the way we communicate and connect. It's a testament to the strength found in vulnerability and the transformative journey towards a more authentic, loving bond. We wrap up this episode with strategies that have anchored us through stormy seas, emphasizing the power of empathy, resilience, and the magic ingredient—patience. Kelsey's insights, combined with my own revelations, offer a toolkit for anyone looking to fortify their relationships, whether they're just budding or well-established. We're thrilled to share the wisdom we've harvested from the ebbs and flows of our journey together, hoping it lights the way for you to cultivate deeper, more secure connections in your own life.
Ever felt like you're navigating the stormy sea of parenting with no compass in hand? Our latest episode features certified life coach Alicia Davis, who dedicates herself to guiding moms back to sure ground. She opens up about her deeply personal journey, revealing how she discovered the transformative power of taking radical responsibility for her own life. Her experiences and insights offer a beacon of hope and a treasure trove of practical tools for all moms struggling to foster deeper connections with their children, spouses, or a higher being.We plunge into the unique terrain of raising boys, with Alicia leading the way - a seasoned adventurer, having journeyed this path with her four sons. She not only shares the bumpy parts of the journey - the self-doubt, exhaustion but also the high points - the hands-on exploration, the raw energy, the joy of boyhood. As we pivot into the delicate subject of handling disagreements in the parental sphere, Alicia underscores the importance of acknowledging and managing our emotions.As our conversation progresses, we focus on the critical skill of understanding our children's emotions. Here, Alicia shares her wisdom on nurturing their emotional intelligence, emphasizing the importance of validation over advice. We explore strategies to nurture parent-child relationships filled with love and mutual respect, empowering you with effective communication and conflict resolution tools. Finally, we shine a spotlight on the offerings of Alicia's one-on-one sessions and her podcast, "Seven Minute Sunshine," a beacon of light for busy moms. This episode is a heartening blend of thought-provoking discussions and practical tips - a valuable companion for your parenting journey.Find Alicia on Instagram!https://www.instagram.com/aliciadaviscoaching/Find Alicia on her website!https://www.aliciadaviscoaching.com/Listen to Alicia's Podcast!https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/7-minute-sunshine-the-podcast-for-mothers-raising-men/id1564537709
Confusing Cover

Confusing Cover

2023-12-1130:25

Ever found yourself lost or wondering where to go, arguing over directions with your loved one? Been there done that, and I am here to share our experiences with you. Join me as I relive our little moment of confusion on our way home from Mexico, a trip that not only served as a fun getaway, but also a workshop for my relationship coaching. I expose the raw and real aspects of our relationship, offering you an authentic look into conflict resolution and the benefits of effective communication.How many times have you and your partner argued over simple directions? A seemingly trivial disagreement can escalate into anxiety and frustration, often revealing deep-rooted issues in the relationship. I take you back to my own experience at the airport in Minneapolis, where a missed sign led us into a cycle of conflict because of our 'confusing cover' behaviors. Learn how we maneuvered through this conflict and reestablished our connection through intentional communication and understanding. I've personally experienced how vulnerable emotions can get entangled in conflict cycles, affecting the overall health of the relationship. Walking you through my personal journey, I underline the importance of acknowledging and communicating these emotions effectively. I invite you to reassess your own blessings, drop the comparisons, and consider a consultation with me to help break your conflict cycle and enhance your relationship. Join me in this heartfelt conversation filled with personal anecdotes and invaluable relationship advice.
Today we talk about practical tools and ways to create a relationship that is open and how to reveal what is possible in our relationship. Aimée Gianni, MS, is a Marriage & Family Therapist and a Master Coach Instructor specializing in Love Relationships. She teaches her clients The Art of Intimate Connection and helps them create strong, loving, joyful relationships and meaningful lives that they love, full of authenticity, connection, passion, fulfillment, and physical well-being. It’s her favorite thing to do! As a Master Coach Instructor she trains relationship coaches how to do this important work with their clients. Listen in as she shares her skills and knowledge with you. If you want to learn more about Aimee, check her out with the links below!https://www.instagram.com/aimeegiannimshttps://aimeegianni.com/Lovenotes Newsletterhttps://view.flodesk.com/pages/63925632df727ca7117b05f5
Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving

2023-11-2712:43

With Thanksgiving on our minds lets talk about how powerful thanksgiving can be in our relationships. I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and that your holiday season is filled with growth, connection, and peace.
Today I replay a conversation I had with a Connected Couples Campus Member all about the conflict cycle and how it has created change for her and her relationship. She has her own podcast and this episode is a replay of an episode from Monica's podcast! You can check out her work below!Download the FREE Conflict Cycle WorksheetGet 20% off first 3 months Connected Couples Campus with code HEALWebsite: https://www.monicaleighblog.com Choosing To Heal Community: https://www.monicaleighblog.com/communityInstagram @monicaleighblogChoosing To Heal Instagram @choosing2heal Facebook Page: Monica Leigh Blog (@monicaleighblog)Choosing To Heal Facebook Page: Choosing To Heal (@choosingtoheal)
The Little Boy

The Little Boy

2023-11-1336:11

On today's episode I introduce you to a little boy that I know. I wonder if you know a little one like him?
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