Friendship IRL

How much Vitamin J are you getting in your life?In today’s episode, we’re talking with Dr. Zarya Rubin, a Harvard educated functional medicine physician, and one of the questions she often asks patients is about whether they’re experiencing enough joy and connection.Though there’s a societal push for more exercise and more kale, connection is actually one of the MOST important things you can do for your physiological health. According to a documentary we both love – Live to 100: Secrets of the Blue Zones – regular human connection could add 15 years to your life. Lack of connection is similar to smoking 20 cigarettes a day.I saw Dr. Rubin give a TED Talk here in Seattle a few weeks ago on burnout, and I am so grateful that she was able to come onto the podcast today. This will not be the last time we talk about this but it is definitely an amazing foundational episode to start to explore this topic.In this episode you’ll hear about:The impact of stress, increasing cortisol levels and trickling into other parts of your bodyThe studies that have recently come out about college students who entered school during the pandemicLive to 100: Secrets of the Blue Zones and the 15-year impact connection can have on your life expectancyLoose ties, relational diversity, and how interactions at coffee shops can not only change your day but impact your long-term healthTechnology’s impact on in-person connection and how to get in touch with your fun sideResources & Links:Learn more about Dr. Zarya Rubin on her website  where you can access her free Burnout to Balance Toolkit and follow her on Instagram. Check out Episodes 38 and 39, which are about third places;  Episode 41, which is about the Liking Gap; Episode 4 (What is a Friend?); and Episode 69, about learned loneliness.Check out the book Zarya recommends, Find Your Unicorn Space by Eve Rodsky and the documentary Live to 100: Secrets of the Blue Zones.Check out the Mel Robbins Podcast episode about finding your people.Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Sometimes to feel closer to our friends there’s this pressure to share our most vulnerable feelings or unearth some deep, dark secret. But what if I told you there are more ways to feel connected to our friends that are actually simpler, easier, and more common? That in fact, there are DOZENS of ways we’re trying to open up to each other, but because they’re not “big” shares, they’re often overlooked?I believe we are all missing out on small moments of connection with our friends, and in this episode, I’ll describe this concept that I’ve mentioned many times but never dug into: small intimacies. My hope with this episode is to offer ways to shift the friendship culture and pay more attention to those small bids of connection, because as I’ve said before, friendship doesn’t have to be “all or nothing.” Sometimes those small intimacies are more than enough.In this episode you’ll hear about:Definitions of vulnerability and rejection and the roles they play in whether or not we allow small intimaciesExamples of small intimacies that are overlooked in friendship, from inviting somebody into your house to telling the truth when somebody asks how you areTopics that are vulnerable or considered big shares for some people but not for others, which can be both “positive” and “negative” sharesThe cycle of overthinking what we share to our friends and how we can open ourselves up to small intaciesThe Roots of Connection framework which I talk about more in Episode 12Resources & Links:Learn more about my roots framework! And be sure to listen to Episode 12 if you haven’t already.Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

How much time do you spend with the people who matter to you most?This could be your partner, your kids, your family, your friends, your community. The answer will probably vary depending on your season of life.This episode features Katrina McGhee, a career break coach and author of Taking a Career Break for Dummies. Katrina was inspired by her own 20-month career break that involved traveling the world and spending more time with friends and family.This conversation is such a delight. Community, connection and friendship are massive priorities in my life, and I hope this episode offers inspiration on how to make choices that allow us all to carve out more time to spend with our people.In this episode you’ll hear about:The American Time Use Survey, which shows trends of how Americans spend their time based on ageKatrina’s life-changing career break, how she managed it, and her advice for using a career break to connect with peopleNon-constructed moments with our people (often facilitated during longer periods of time spent together) instead of curated visitsThe mind-blowing percentage of people for whom connection is their reason for taking a career breakModern American connections vs. the connections Katrina remembers as a kid and the kinds she saw while traveling abroad (hint: we used to be more serendipitous!)Resources & Links:Learn more about Katrina McGhee on her website and check out her book, and learn about the 2022 American Time Use Survey.Listen to Episode 65, “How Jenna Myhre Deyle Moved Across the Country to Live Closer to Friends.”Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

In this episode, we cover something I’ve been DYING to talk about: friendship in virtual reality. When you put on the headset and enter the VR world, what’s it like?Today’s guest, Wesley Stroupe, is a Friendship IRL podcast listener who recently moved to a small town. Wesley is a self-described anxious person, but especially after the pandemic, he knew community and connection were important in making this new place his home.He found these things in both conventional and unconventional places, from the local Unitarian Universalist Church to Bumble BFF and VRChat. (Are you making connections in VR, too? If so, reach out – I want to hear about it!)As the world changes and new technologies appear, I feel strongly that we share how we use these new tools to fill our social wellness needs. Putting yourself out there can be scary, no matter the method, but as Wesley says here, though it feels like it might kill you, it won’t – and eventually, it might lead you to your people.In this episode you’ll hear about:Voice memos vs. text messages – the impact of hearing people’s voices (the sound, the cadence, the tone) and what they can carry that text messages cannotWesley’s story: growing up in a small Southern town and then moving to a small town as a self-described socially anxious personThe benefits of joining a formal community – a church or religious organization, for example – and how this plays in my Wheel of Connection frameworkThe snowball effect of connection: one friend might introduce you to another friend, who might introduce you to other friends, etc.Different platforms Wesley has used to make friends, including Threads, Bumble BFF, and VRchat, and what they’ve been like for himResources & Links:In this episode, we talk about the Wheel of Connection, which I urge you to check out, and male friendships, which we cover more in-depth in Episodes 31 and 32.Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Never underestimate the power of the simple things, especially when it comes to friendship.I love that we tackle the big topics on this podcast, but there’s a special place in my heart for episodes like this one. Today’s guest is Dr. Zahara Williams, who is a therapist, speaker and author of the After Betrayal workbook. Here, we talk about an amazing group of friends she’s remained close with for years, even after a major move away.Listening to this episode, I was reminded of how powerful the combination of intention and small actions can be. At the end of the day, it’s the little stuff – the stuff that can easily be passed over – that is actually some of the most significant work we can do in our connections. In this episode you’ll hear about:Thinking about the roles we play in our friends and being intentional about how we want to show up as time goes onShifting the way we use technology to maintain our friendships during big life changes (plus, using social media to actually CONNECT and not lurk!)Going on the friendship journey and remembering all our friends started at zero at one pointNot allowing bad circumstances to limit us from having a beautiful experience with a group of friendsBeing our authentic selves and not getting caught up on the friendships that don’t work (because maybe they don’t work for a reason!)Resources & Links:Visit Zahara’s website, follow her on Instagram and Linkedin, and check out the After Betrayal workbook. Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Do you want to teach your kids how to make and maintain friendships?I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: modeling is so important, but as today’s guest Pam Howard points out, what’s also crucial is checking in with your own friendship beliefs, particularly any fears or insecurities you have about friendship. That way, you can separate your experiences from theirs.Pam is a licensed clinical social worker, a former K-8 school counselor, and the mom of two teenage daughters. She’s a master life coach for high-achieving moms and host of the podcast Less Drama, More Mama.Even if you don’t have kids, there’s so much to take in. Pam presents the important reminder that friendship requires work. Sometimes it’s great and feels easy. Sometimes it’s messy and feels hard. I hope this episode causes people to reflect on their own friendship beliefs and remember we’re ALL just trying to figure it out.In this episode you’ll hear about:Examining our own friendship beliefs and analyzing how this might impact our kids’ friendships and being aware of the phrasing and messaging we pass on to themHow friendship is different for all kids, particularly introverts/extroverts/kids on the Autism spectrum; what feels good for one person might feel terrible for someone elseModeling healthy, respectful friendship and talking about: why friendship is important; what it means to be a good friend; qualities to look for in a friendBeing the gatekeepers to friendship and the importance of kids seeing friends outside school, where they deepen relationships and learn how other families liveTeaching kids how to listen and be interested in other people, and also how to problem solve their way out of tight friendship spotsResources & Links:Be sure to listen to Pam’s podcast, Less Drama, More Mama and learn about the Wheel of Choice.Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

When the term “learned loneliness” came across my desk, it made my ears perk up. The idea of learned loneliness – that loneliness is now our new normal – resonates with me; I often find myself wanting to see people, but instead, I’m scrolling or turning on the TV. I used to think this was laziness, but now I think I’ve gotten comfortable being uncomfortable.Here are some stats to ponder: 35 percent of people feel socializing is less important than they found it to be before the pandemic. Over the last decade, face-to-face socializing hours with close friends has been cut in half. Never before have we spent so much time alone, particularly with so many people working from home. Today, we talk about some things that could be causing the uptick in loneliness, and I propose some solutions, including things I’m personally committing to. In this episode you’ll hear about:The different dimensions of loneliness, including intimate loneliness, relational loneliness, and collective lonelinessFactors that have led to an increase in loneliness, including lack of community organizations, increase of working from home, lack of social trust, etc.Social media and TV’s roles in loneliness – and why I think one is more harmful than the otherThings we can do to combat learned loneliness, such as appreciating the beauty in simple relationships Why we shouldn’t wait for the perfect opportunity or situation to put ourselves out thereResources & Links:For more on loneliness, check out Episode 27, and learn about how we might better lean into front yards instead of back yards in Episode 39 and Episode 67.Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Have you ever felt like a bad friend for not showing up for someone you care about?Or maybe you’re frustrated that you’re ALWAYS showing up for everyone but feel like nobody reciprocates; or, MAYBE you’re somebody who struggles to let people support you. If any of this resonates, this episode is for you.Today’s guest is Olivia Howell, co-founder and CEO of the Fresh Starts Registry, the first and only platform that offers a registry to help people begin again after a major life change. She’s also the co-host of A Fresh Story, a top 2% personal journals podcast.I’ve been following Olivia and Fresh Starts for a long time, and I’m stoked to get this episode out there. It’s full of so many tangible examples of how to show up for people in a world where we’re overwhelmed by responsibility and calls for our attention.In this episode you’ll hear about:Life changes – the average person goes through 14 (!) in a lifetime, from job changes and break-ups to moves and having kidsMeeting people where they are, which often means you have to take your ego out of it  and remember that the reaction might not be the one you envisionedHow sometimes, it’s not sustainable to show up in the volume that equates our love – plus, the benefits of focusing on the small things instead of the grand gesturesComing up with tried and true scripts you can say to your friends (and borrowing some from Fresh Starts if you need some help with material)Letting people into your life and believing you are worthy of support, and building the support system that feels right for youResources & LinksCheck out Fresh Starts, follow them on Instagram, and see their scripts that can help you next time you want to show up for your friends while they’re going through their major life moments.Listen to the Fresh Starts podcast, and keep an eye out for their upcoming episode which I’ll be a guest on!Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Many adults today say they weren’t taught to make and maintain friendships. I’m often asked how we might break this cycle and model something different for the next generation.What I keep coming back to is that we all need to start making small changes. What if we said hi to people walking by? What if we stayed off our phones while on the train or waiting in line? What if we allowed children to teach us how to put ourselves out thereToday’s guest is Annmarie Beatty, who is a therapeutic life coach and a leader in her local home school community. So many people think homeschooled kids don’t get enough socialization, but her experience is the opposite – families who homeschool their kids have to be intentional about socialization.In this episode, we talk a great deal about being intentional in connecting with the people around us. There are so many societal structures that make friendship difficult, but here, I hope you get the message, loud and clear, that it’s worth the effort!In this episode you’ll hear about:The importance of socializing with all ages and giving kids the opportunity to make intentional friendships The cultural shifts and structural hurdles that cause making and maintaining friendships difficultThird Places, the Liking Gap, the decline in social trust (including thick and thin trust), and weak ties vs. strong tiesSmall changes that can facilitate more social trust, which can be as easy as staying off your phone while in line or on the trainThe extreme loneliness epidemic in the U.S., and seeing children as examples of how you can make friends and put yourself out thereResources & Links:Check out Episodes 38 and 39, which are about third places, and Episode 41, which is about the Liking Gap. Another good resource is Bowling Alone: the Collapse and Revival of American Community by Robert D. Putnam.Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

From happy hours to bottomless mimosa brunches, many friendships are held together by activities that involve alcohol.Consequently, these friendships are often affected when one party stops drinking. I personally have experienced some big friend group culture shifts when it comes to alcohol. In the beginning, alcohol was the norm, but it’s not anymore. Today’s guest is Hitha Palepu, the CEO of Rhoshan Pharmaceuticals and the author of How to Pack: Travel Smart for Any Trip and We’re Speaking: The Life Lessons of Kamala Harris. Recently, Hitha posted on Instagram about the impact drinking less has made on her friendships, and today, we talk about this shift.No matter what, it’s helpful to find activities with your friends that do not center around alcohol, so be proactive and find new ways to spend time together. It will only strengthen your friendship in the long run.In this episode you’ll hear about:The normalization and glamorization of alcohol consumption and the reality of what regular drinking does to our bodies and our relationshipsHow many people use alcohol as a social crutch – plus, the barrier it actually creates between friendshipsHitha’s decision to cut back on alcohol, especially at networking events or parties, and the impact that’s made on her home life and overall well-beingHow Hitha has transitioned with her friends into doing other activities together that don’t involve alcohol, from Dry January to coffee walks in the parkTips if you are reevaluating your relationship with alcohol, from creating rules for yourself to finding delicious delicious alcohol-free alternativesResources & Links:I can’t tell you enough how much I enjoy Hitha’s Five Smart Reads; sign up for her newsletter! I also highly recommend both her books: How to Pack: Travel Smart for Any Trip and We’re Speaking: The Life Lessons of Kamala Harris.Check out

How close do you live to your friends? Next door? Down the street? Or do many of your friends live on the other side of the country? Today’s guest, Jenna Myhre Deyle, actually made a cross-country trip in order to be closer to friends. Before the move, she’d been married, was climbing the corporate ladder, but after her divorce, she couldn’t shake a certain level of unhappiness. Linked in our show notes is an article that cites some amazing statistics – that a person is 8 percent happier living with a spouse, 14 percent happier living within a mile of your siblings, and 25 PERCENT happier a mile from your friend.Jenna’s move to the midwest to be closer to friends is an out-of-the-box decision – and it’s one of the reasons I’m so excited to have her on the podcast today. Whether we realize it or not, our proximity to friends can tremendously impact our happiness.In this episode you’ll hear about:Jenna’s story about “checking off the boxes” – getting married, moving up the corporate ladder, etc. – only to realize she was deeply unhappyThe major decision Jenna made, calling her company’s VP about her wish to move back home to Kansas City, not matter what that meant for her future employmentSociety’s understanding of what success is and the idea that if you’re unhappy you should self-care your way out of itJenna’s intentional work to make new friends/communities besides the friends she already had in Kansas City – and the impact this made on her perspective and careerResources & Links:The Wheel of Connection Framework, it’s the cumulative impact of everyone in your life.Check out “You’d Be Happier Living Closer to Friends. Why Don’t You?” by Anne Helen Petersen.Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Are low-maintenance friendships all they’re made out to be?So many of us are trying to live in this impossible zone of wanting friendship to be little effort but not neglectful. The effort of staying in this bubble can make maintaining a friendship more difficult, and it also denies many of our inherent needs.Today I’m going to talk about why this mainstream current definition of “low maintenance” friendship is not serving us. How can we think about low maintenance friendship differently and make it work for us?Friendship should be a reprieve, not a burden; let’s make it easier on ourselves by focusing on consistent, simple connections. Think breadcrumbs, not bread loaves.In this episode you’ll hear about:The language we use about “low-maintenance” friendship and the fine line that defines them – you want “low attention” but can’t be neglectfulHow so much of low-maintenance friendships is denying that we matter, that we want to be seen, that we have needsThe amount of energy we spend staying in the exact right zone of a low maintenance friendship – which in the end isn’t very low maintenance!The importance of having conversations about how we each are able to show up in friendshipsHow to leave “breadcrumbs” instead of bread loaves through scheduling hacks, reoccurring meet-ups/texts/calls, voice messages, etc.Resources & Links:Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

If you could go back and advise your 20-year-old self about friendship, what would you say?Personally, I always had the worst social anxiety hangover, worrying about the things I said or did after hanging out with people. I know now I should have asked my friends about it instead of ruminating and worrying.This is the underlying theme of today’s episode – lessons we’ve learned about friendship since our 20s – which features Arpita Mehta, a brand strategist and host of The Modern Millennial podcast. She’s also the creator of the Little Brown Diary, a Facebook group of 38,000 South Asian millennial women. This episode is full of so many gems, and I walked away with so much appreciation for all the work my friends and I have done as we’ve grown and changed. It truly is a never-ending journey.In this episode you’ll hear about:Limiting beliefs about friendships and how it’s not something we’re taught – making and maintaining friendship is something you have to learn through life experienceEver-evolving friendships – we won’t necessarily be the same friends we are now ten or twenty years down the lineMale friendship groups vs. female friendship groups, and the effort required to keep a group together (hint: we sometimes make it more difficult than it has to be!)The downside of being the “connector” in a group who makes the plans and gets along with everyone (and the importance of getting other people to do this work too)Folding time with friends into things we were going to do anyway – like go shopping or pick up coffee, etc.Resources & Links:I can’t suggest The Modern Millennial podcast enough. It’s like hanging out with a friend – a mix of serious conversations, lifestyle, and beauty. Listen to Episode 42 to hear about the dynamics of friend trios and friend groups.Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Need something to light you up today? Maybe some profound advice? Look no further!Today’s episode features Mark Delaney, host of the podcast The Purpose Mastermind. He and his wife Andrea are purpose dealers, which means they spend their lives helping people clarify their purpose into one simple sentence.He says that having something in life that moves us and compels us is at the core of what it is to be human; that we should all be purpose-focused instead of problem-focused; that so many of us don’t live with full expression because of the walls between us and others.He brings so much thought-provoking wisdom in this episode, wisdom that has me analyzing my day-to-day interactions, and he presents the great reminder that friendship is not extracurricular. It’s not only for “people-people.” We are all made for people.In this episode you’ll hear about:Focusing on your past and trying to fix it vs. discovering your purpose and using this to move forwardPowerful, positive relationships vs. negative relationships (as opposed to “positive” or “negative” people)Tweaking the simple things and auditing yourself: are you showing up as yourself or are you putting on a show?The impact of tiny, consistent steps in the right direction instead of big grand gesturesTapping into the people around us to help us with our self-reflection and the clarity that comes with vocalizationResources & LinksLearn more about Mark Delaney and his podcast, The Purpose Mastermind.Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

My friends and I talk about money all the time. It’s a great way to crowdsource information from people in the same season of life. I also think it helps us be more open with one another.But money can be a taboo topic and difficult to navigate with friends. To help us through these sometimes tricky conversations, we have Sarah Roller, a financial coach who helps clients create personalized money management plans. In this episode, we cover the different levels in which you can talk about money. When is it valuable to talk numbers, and what are easy gateways into these conversations?Remember: the way you or I manage money isn’t right or wrong. It can be different but right for each of us in the current moment. How can we approach these conversations with respect and curiosity?In this episode you’ll hear about:Reasons to talk with friends about money, from gathering ideas on how to manage your own finances to understanding how friends will want to spend time togetherThe different levels of money conversations you can have with friends and non-threatening ways to start these conversationsSharing financial goals with friends, which can alleviate discomfort when deciding how you want to spend time together and understand each other’s thought processesApproaching these topics with curiosity and respect, and knowing that everyone has different feelings about the actual numbersAsking yourself: WHY are you asking? What will you both get out of it? And when is it actually useful to share numbers and details?Resources & LinksVisit Sarah’s website and download her free tool about how to plan for life’s irregular expenses. Learn more about my roots framework!Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Today’s episode is about friendship goals. Why set them? What do they look like?So many people are taking one action after another when it comes to friendship without much thought as to why. They’re repeating old patterns and doing what they “think” they should do instead of focusing on their ideal vision of social wellness.I say “ideal vision” with a grain of salt. Likely, this vision is a moving target, changing as you change. Here, we talk about the steps to take and offer tips and examples that might help you make these goals for 2024.Like with anything, making and executing friendship goals will take a LOT of brain power in the beginning, but I hope you push through that uncomfortable phase and get to the place where you’re just fine tuning.In this episode you’ll hear about:The steps to making friendship goals, from setting aside time to reflect to stepping back and looking at the big pictureCategories to think about when making the goals, like: How much time do you have? What are your habits? What types of people do you want to meet?Assessing friendship problems you’re currently having, like: Are there places where you’re guilting or shaming yourself? What areas are you overwhelmed in?Six tips for making great friendship intentions; for example: Lean into interests! Create consistency! Use technology!Twenty examples of different friendship goals you could make; for example: Commit to connecting to one friend a month! Set admin friend time on your calendar! Being open to meeting new people and new versions of friends you already have – put your phone down, make small talk, be open, etc.Resources & LinksLike what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Books are like people – they come into our lives when we most need them.Today’s guest, Kara Infante, host of the Bookish Flights podcast, shares this quote by Emma Thompson at the end of every podcast episode. Community and books are important to Kara, and as a military spouse who moves frequently with her family, she’s learned that, for her, the easiest way to make connections in a new place is through book clubs, both by joining them and creating them.Talking about books might not involve the biggest, deepest shares, but allows people to see a bit of who you are. The idea seems deceptively simple, but it’s actually genius. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: specificity is a great way to make connections. You can apply Kara’s tips and ideas to any interest you might have. If you’re looking to reconnect or deepen some friendships, spend a few minutes thinking about the shared interests you have. It might be a really easy way to open the door to more conversation.In this episode you’ll hear about:All about Kara’s podcast, Bookish Flights, which, in each episode, introduces three books that pair well togetherHow Kara meets new people by joining or creating book clubs, and why this works so well (recurring schedule, shared passions, easy reason to reach out, etc.)Using Kara’s techniques for finding people during other big life changes (new jobs, new life circumstances, etc.) Creating a community you can take with you so that you don’t have to start over every time you moveHow to find a book club or create a book club using Kara’s format, plus, how to stay close to friends through the Sisterhood of the Traveling BooksResources & Links:Check out Kara’s podcast, Bookish Flights, and find her on Instagram and Facebook.Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

In this episode, we return to one of Friendship IRL’s most quintessential questions: what IS a friend anyway? Today’s guest is Jeni Holla, who, two and a half years ago, left her conventional job to hit the road with her husband and pups and live the nomad life. They thought this adventure would last six or twelve months but liked it so much they’re still living this lifestyle.Having a social life on the road is challenging. Jeni doesn’t have many close friends, unlike her husband, who has been close to the same people for decades. When she reached out to Friendship IRL, she said she sometimes felt she wasn’t doing friendship “right.”The question of what friendship looks like is one I get asked a lot. If you’re like Jeni and her husband, who move frequently, the question is even more pressing. There is no one answer – what works for you might not always be what works for other people, and that’s okay. In this episode you’ll hear about:The activities or “plugs” we associate with certain people – and how, often, if you just go do the thing you want to do, you’ll meet other people doing that thingConnecting to people in a small town vs. a big city and how Jeni “follows the breadcrumbs” in new towns, often meeting people in third placesThe “ride-or-die” friends, which are difficult to maintain when we get older due to people moving to new places or transitioning to new lifestylesThe power in knowing what you want out of friendship, which allows you to create a filter and meet people with intentionThe patience required for deep connections, and how there are always more layers you can developResources & Links:In this episode, I refer to Episode 3, “What is a Friend?”; Episode 12, “Digging Into the 3 Kinds of Friendship Roots”; Episode 38, “Third Places,” and Episode 39, “Take Action.Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Opening lines aren’t just for dating – they come in handy when you’re looking for new friends, too. Today’s guest, Leah Wiseman Fink, says she likes to use this line: Do you want to come over for pizza? Yes, it helps that Leah is also the co-owner of a Brooklyn-based pizza chain, but it’s a great opening line anyone can use.Leah is a life coach, business coach, and mom of two kids. She grew up in a big Jewish family in the midwest, where everybody was together all the time. When she moved to New York 20 years ago, she found herself creating something very similar for her and her family.Community building is a skill – but once you learn it, it stays with you forever. Leah’s advice? Just start. Give out your number. Ride the waves. In this episode you’ll hear about:Leah’s background growing up in a big family where aunts, uncles, and cousins lived closeby, and the “show-up-as-you-are” kind of gatherings they hadHow becoming a parent acted as a catalyst for Leah to create community in Brooklyn, and the recurring, casual gatherings she partakes inGood opening lines and tried-and-true activities for making parent friends; for example: do you want to come over for pizza? Can I give you some hand-me-downs?Using the internet (social media in particular) as a method to make friends, and how to fit friend time into busy schedules, from working out together to family sleepoversThe different ways you can show up for people, from sending food to spending time together – and how specificity can add an extra touchResources & LinksJoin Leah’s newsletter and follow her on Instagram.Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

The holidays are here, which means many of us will be spending time with family and friends over the next couple months. It’s the perfect time to talk about deep conversations with people we care about.Today’s episode features Chris Burnett, who, in 2020, started a personal project to reconnect with people in his life. It started with weekly calls to catch up. Then, he began asking if he could interview them about their lives.To date, Chris has recorded more than 70 conversations. After seeing the impact this project had on himself and his people, he decided to share the idea with a broader audience. His book, Conversations: Connecting with People in Our Lives, was released in November.When Chris reached out to join us on Friendship IRL, I couldn’t say yes fast enough. Having these deep conversations with people we care about is so important. It strengthens our relationships and allows us a better perspective of our people and ourselves.In this episode you’ll hear about:Chris’s project: how it began (catching up with one person a week) and how that grew into him reaching out for recorded interviews, and then, a bookInterview format – the wording Chris used during his initial contact, and how he structures the phone conversationsHow these deep conversations can help the person “interviewed” feel special, and how the interviews rekindled lots of relationships for ChrisMy personal story about sitting with friends and talking about why we admire each other, and the impact this had on usHow the experience helped Chris learn about his friends and family and reflect on his own life and childhoodResources & LinksA reminder – I have a two-part episode about men’s friendships, Episode 31 and 32.Be sure to check out Conversations: Connecting with People in Our Lives by Chris Burnett, which is now available on Amazon.Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!