The Parent Hope Podcast

In this episode we will discuss an important finding from Bowen family systems theory: parents can detour our troubles onto our children. This is described as parents projecting the worry onto the offspring. Dr Carrie Collier will help us to think about this issue and address our build up of worry about children. How to make sense of the way issues in broader family relationships can increase a worry focus on children.How issues with our siblings, cut-offs with parents, or the death of a parent/grandparent can play out in our parenting.How a narrow focus on parenting techniques misses these important family issues.Hear more from Dr Carrie Collier:Finding a Self in Parenting: When a parent is concerned about a child, it’s easy for anxiety to take over. An anxious focus on a child can make it difficult for a parent to access their best thinking, or to observe the larger family system and their role in it. In this edition of Family Matters, Dr. Carrie Collier shares her thoughts about how a parent can begin to take responsibility for their emotional reactivity in response to a parenting challenge. She discusses what it takes to shift one’s focus from solving a child’s dilemma to managing oneself in the midst of chaos. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpOaOFnHOqEhttps://www.thebowencenter.org/faculty-bios/carrie-collierhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpOaOFnHOqEhttps://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/anzf.1491

In this Episode of the Parent Hope Podcast Jenny Brown  explores  “How parents can partner with schools to increase student and family confidence” with Robin Shultz.What makes for a positive partnership between parents and schools?What can get in the way of this?How can parents best deal with worries about how their child is doing at school?Robin Shultz BioRobyn is a retired school social worker with 20 years of experience working in schools in the Chicago area. Now a private practice owner of New Legends Counselling, Coaching and Consulting, LLC Geneva, Illinois, United States.Marriage and Family Therapy (LMFT), Clinical Social Work, (DSW, LCSW), Licensed School Social Worker (Type 73), Certified Alcohol and Other Drug Counselor (CADC), Certified Therapeutic Recreation Specialist (CTRS) with specializations in Outdoor Experiential Education and Behavioral Health.Links:Shultz, R. (2020). The current state of children’s mental health in schools: The need for expanded thinking: Family Systems: A Journal of Natural Systems Thinking in Psychiatry and the Sciences, 15, (1), 49-55.https://www.researchgate.net/publication/370553454_THE_CURRENT_STATE_OF_CHILDREN'S_MENTAL_HEALTH_IN_SCHOOLS_THE_NEED_FOR_EXPANDED_THINKINGShultz, R. (2022). Using Bowen family systems theory concepts to explore how adult interaction patterns may influence student functioning. Family Systems: A Journal of Natural Systems Thinking in Psychiatry and the Sciences, 16, (2), 133-156.https://www.researchgate.net/publication/370553459_USING_BOWEN_FAMILY_SYSTEMS_THEORY_CONCEPTS_TORobin Shultz, DSW, LCSW, LMFT, CADC, CTRSRobin's research papers:https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Robin-Shultz-2https://www.linkedin.com/in/robin-shultz-dsw-lcsw-lmft-cadc-ctrs-b7839019/

The Summer Theme - Parents promoting responsible, age-appropriate independence & avoiding futile power struggles. These themes are relevant, whatever the age of your child.  Adolescents present unique challenges for parents. For example, the reactive push for independence can be triggering for parents. In this podcast, Jenny reveals how parent efforts to correct behaviours can inadvertently reinforce a conflict cycle that can fuel a teen's physiological reward system: (sensation seeking). An overview of adolescent brain development makes sense of this reward system. More description here: https://parenthopeproject.com.au/podcasts/adolescents-independence-on-steroids/Links1. Sensation seeking: Steinberg L. A Social Neuroscience Perspective on Adolescent Risk-Taking. Dev Rev. 2008 Mar;28(1):78-106. doi: 10.1016/j.dr.2007.08.002. PMID: 18509515; PMCID: PMC2396566.2. Flexibility in parenting interactions: Branje, S. (2018), Development of Parent–Adolescent Relationships: Conflict Interactions as a Mechanism of Change. Child Dev Perspect, 12: 171-176. https://doi.org/10.1111/cdep.122783. Understanding teenage brain development:https://raisingchildren.net.au/pre-teens/development/understanding-your-pre-teen/brain-development-teenshttps://www.startingblocks.gov.au/other-resources/factsheets/brain-development-in-childrenQuestions:contact@parenthopeproject.com.au

The Summer Theme - Parents promoting responsible, age-appropriate independence & avoiding futile power struggles. These themes are relevant, whatever the age of your child. Enjoy this rebroadcast of “Toddler in meltdown- The first push for independence”With toddlers the challenge is managing our responses to their huge learning spurt and push towards independence. This podcast describes 2 different parent toddler interactions involving a toddler not getting what they want. What is in a parent’s control to contribute to a toddler’s increased capacity to delay gratification?Research links mentioned in podcastLuo, Y., Pattanakul, D. Infant expectations of instant or delayed gratification. Sci Rep 10, 19081 (2020).https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-020-76136-9The Stanford marshmallow experiment- a study on delayed gratification in 1972 led by psychologist Walter Mischelhttps://www.simplypsychology.org/marshmallow-test.html

In this episode, we will discuss parenting courses with a family skills community educator. We'll explore what parents get out of carving out time for parenting courses – and are all parenting courses the same?         How can parents get a confidence boost from accessing a parenting course?  Steve will share about differences in parent courses. He will provide examples of what parents have found most helpful and most challenging. And some tips for facilitating a parenting course in a way that helps parents develop their own insights relevant to their unique family. Stephen Dinning  Family and Life Skills Educator at Anglicare Steve has a background in social work and parish ministry. As part of Anglicare’s Family & Life Skills Education Team he runs courses and seminars in parenting, family life and relating with others. He’s also on Anglicare’s Southern Counselling Team. We would love to hear your feedback and suggestions.contact@parenthopeproject.com.auNew resource on the Parent Hope Project website https://parenthopeproject.com.au/“ Parenting that Promotes Flourishing Children” for parents and their helpers, https://parenthopeproject.com.au/free-parent-course/Like, Subscribe, Follow us on Facebook, Instagram, Youtube, Linkedin, spotify or wherever you listen to podcasts.This is the last episode for 2023, Thanks for listening, we'll be back in the new year.

Join Jenny as she asks Marie Vakakis what she has learned from her  young clients about their relationships with their parents.Parents connecting with their adolescents will explore questions like: How can parents best connect with a seemingly shut-off teen and How not to be intimidated or overwhelmed by the dramatic tech revolution – do parents really need to be up on the latest technology to connect with their teens?About Marie VakakisThe Therapy Hub: https://thetherapyhub.com.au/about-us/QualificationsBachelor of Arts (majoring in psychology), Monash UniversityMasters of Social Work (additional research year/ thesis) The University of MelbourneGraduate Diploma of Youth and Adolescent Mental Health , The University of MelbourneMasters of Family Therapy, LaTrobe UniversityMember of the Australian Association of social workersAccredited Mental Health Social WorkerAccredited ‘Tuning Into Teens’ Parenting Program FacilitatorCompleted level 1 Gottman Method Couples trainingAccredited Youth Mental Health First Aid InstructorAccredited Standard Mental Health First Aid Instructor

In this Episode of the Parent Hope Podcast Jenny Brown  explores Grandparenting with Selden Dunbar Illick. They discuss what makes for flourishing “grandparenting relationships”, with adult children, in-laws, grandchildren and the grandparenting partner if relevant). With a Family Systems Lens in view they discuss the common pitfalls in these relationships, for example triangles. They will also discuss the value of working on self. 

In this episode Jenny talks with Dr Linda Mackay on parenting with a backdrop of trauma and adversity and how this affects building confidence in parenting.Linda MacKay is an accredited psychotherapist & counsellor, who practices in Mudgee, Blaxland and offers online sessions. She is also a lecturer, trainer, and supervisor, with degrees and qualifications in counselling, couple and family therapy and her PhD in critical psychology (UWS). Linda lectures at undergraduate and postgraduate level at the University of Notre Dame, counsels private individuals, and coaches business executives who wish to optimize their performance as leaders. She is also a clinical member of PACFA & Accredited Supervisor for AAFT. She has extensive experience working with individuals, couples and families, and has specialised in working with people who have suffered grief and loss, and complex trauma issues including child sexual abuse, domestic violence, dissociation and self-harm. She incorporates the Parent Hope Project in her work.  *We apologise for any audio that may be difficult to hear.  

This podcast explores a common tension between parents about how each responds to a struggling child. One parent reacts with more nurturing and the other with more firmness. Each feels critical about the other’s management of one of their children.  Amber McPherson, Programs Coordinator at the Parent Hope Project interviews Dr Jenny Brown about parent-style tensions. Jenny has a recently published article on this topic: Making Sense of the Parenting 'Soft/Hard Split'   Jenny also interviews a mother and father about their experiences of these tensions and how they have changed the way they respond to each other.  Jenny’s article with a video  https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/anzf.1533 To explore our online affordable parenting courses, coaching and resources. https://parenthopeproject.com.au/Support for parents and carers online/delivered face to face through schools, churches, community groups and mental health workers.Training available for mental health workers, and those wanting to support parents 1:1 or in groups. Psychoeducation: Learn to facilitate parent groups face to face or online doing our Confident parent Course.Clinical Intervention: Become a Parent coach, intensive 4 month professional development, using our research based manualized program. 

In this episode Jenny discusses with Dr Kathleen Smith the challenges and opportunities for parents managing fears and anxieties.What are the challenges of managing anxiety about our kids? What are the opportunities and benefits of parents working on managing their fears? Kathleen Smith is a licensed therapist and mental health writer who lives in Washington, DC. She has written for popular publications such as Slate, Salon, New York Magazine, Lifehacker, Bustle, and Counseling Today, among many others. She is an associate faculty member at the Bowen Center for the Study of the Family and hosts the show Family Matters, a production of the University of the District of Columbia.Resources:https://www.amazon.com/Everything-Isnt-Terrible-Insecurities-Interrupt/dp/0316492531https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B01HYP9SJ2/about

In this episode, Jenny Brown will be in discussion with Lauren Errington sharing stories of working with parents who are worried about 1 or more of their children.Lauren is the Executive Director of the Family Systems Institute Sydney. She also lectures at Charles Sturt University and has a clinical practice at the Family Systems Practice Network.The stories shared will reveal what parents gain from observing their interactions – Lauren and Jenny will reflect on learning to observe themselves in their own families.Links:https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/epdf/10.1002/anzf.1481https://www.thefsi.com.au

In this episode, Jenny Brown interviews renowned Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist Dr Annemaree Bickerton about her work supporting parents managing their child or adolescent's strong, and often dangerous, emotions and behaviours. Listen to how parents can be a lighthouse for children in stormy times. They listen rather than fix and allow the child to learn to surf the challenging waves of life.To find out about the Staying Connected Courses: https://www.islhd.health.nsw.gov.au/services-clinics/family-and-carer-mental-health-program-0/staying-connected-when-emotions-run-highTo watch the video mentioned – This is an excellent resource!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_B61YifyrMTo read about the safety first model https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/anzf.1055

In this podcast, Jenny Brown interviews Susy Lee, prize-winning author, speaker, and educator. They discuss Susy's prize-winning book 'Raising Kids Who Care: Practical Conversations for Exploring Stuff That Matters, Together'. Susy writes:'In our complex world, we need to be aware of looming pitfalls and be intentional in helping kids navigate their way to compassion and wonder, driven by values and purpose.'  This path of conversations leads to amazing hope.In this conversation, Jenny explores Susy's thoughts on how parents can influence the development of a kind and caring child without making a change project out of the child.Susy writes that 'children primarily learn ethical behaviour by watching their parents.' Jenny asks her what she thinks is the impact of what parents care about and how they live out. 

Parenting doesn’t end when a child leaves school. In fact, parenting can become even more complex with young adults, especially if they are struggling to manage adult responsibilities. In this podcast, Dr Jenny Brown talks about ways parents can be a resource to a young adult child who is navigating an increasingly complicated and demanding life transition. Using a case example, she highlights the value of parents staying connected but not over-invested in their adult child. Creating space for building independence and pulling back from accommodating a child’s under-functioning is critical. This can be challenging to shift for the parent as it is for the young adult child; hence, parents need to own the adjustments they choose to make and not just follow the advice and opinions of others.Some helpful family systems links on the topic:When Your Young Adult with “Failure to Launch” Won’t Get Help: Survival Tips for Parents Who Aren’t Done Parentinghttps://www.rtor.org/2017/10/24/failure-to-launch-part-4/Young Adults Leaving Home – you tube interviewshttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8v4mkHeu--Yhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eya61VCm82ghttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGYmxUblcD4

In this podcast, Jenny Brown explores the challenges of parenting Special Needs children – neurodiverse kids or children with a biological impairment of some kind. She interviews Nicole Clarke, who is both a mother of a child with Autism and a school counsellor. It is helpful to consider if the same principles of working on the parent rather than the child apply to special needs kids. A systems view suggests that any added stress and anxiety can be relieved by a parent by making a more intense project out of finding help and treatments for a child. Yet, at the same time, this extra focus on the child can reduce the child’s development capacities. The child becomes attuned to a parent’s increasing involvement which can trigger more dysregulation. It is so very hard for parents of children who appear to be neurologically different in their capacities to socialise, empathise and control behaviours, not to get swept along by the pull to add multiple treatments to the child’s life. Nicole speaks of the value of working to be less intense as a parent despite the extra challenges. She talks about the treatments focus on getting your child to be different as opposed to accepting who they are and reducing fear about the future. 

Adolescents present unique challenges for parents. For example, the reactive push for independence can be triggering for parents. In this podcast, Jenny reveals how parent efforts to correct behaviours can inadvertently reinforce a conflict cycle that can fuel a teen's physiological reward system: (sensation seeking). An overview of adolescent brain development makes sense of this reward system. The podcast invites parents to consider two typical cycles of interaction: Escalating fighting with a teen, with a parent staying stuck in the conflict, believing that if they "lose", they are a poor parent leader. The other is the cycle of escalating rescuing, and accommodating. Jenny presents ways parents can disengage from these unhelpful cycles. The parent's effort is to contribute to an environment that enhances the teen's development of thoughtful self-responsibility rather than trying to correct their behaviours, thereby giving them more fuel to react to. The perspective of family systems thinking is not about changing an individual but changing the emotional/relational environment in the family. The good news is that It takes just one parent to adjust themselves in ways that reduce the intensity in their relationships. More constructive than convincing an adolescent to change in the short term.LinksSensation seeking: Steinberg L. A Social Neuroscience Perspective on Adolescent Risk-Taking. Dev Rev. 2008 Mar;28(1):78-106. doi: 10.1016/j.dr.2007.08.002. PMID: 18509515; PMCID: PMC2396566.Flexibility in parenting interactions: Branje, S. (2018), Development of Parent–Adolescent Relationships: Conflict Interactions as a Mechanism of Change. Child Dev Perspect, 12: 171-176. https://doi.org/10.1111/cdep.12278Understanding teenage brain development:https://raisingchildren.net.au/pre-teens/development/understanding-your-pre-teen/brain-development-teenshttps://www.startingblocks.gov.au/other-resources/factsheets/brain-development-in-children

In this podcast, Jenny talks about the pre-teenage phase, parents' worries about school performance, and the impacts of excessive screen time. How can parents respond to these issues without an anxious worry focus? What is the effect of parents representing themselves to their children instead of trying to fix or change their children? You will hear an example of busy working parents of an 11-year-old who is falling behind at school. Their interactions in reaction to their worries provide clues about what is and isn't helpful in their parenting responses. Some research findings around helping children with language development reveal that children can learn to love learning if parents are curious about the process of their activities rather than fixating on quick results. When adults sit alongside their child and speak less…. the child begins to speak more. There is also some discussion of parents' responses to the vexed issue of screen time. There are guidelines to be found for parents about what is and isn't healthy for children's use of devices. However, parents are cautioned about pushing their child into an ideal, thereby escalating non-constructive tensions. Podcast notes: Dr Susan Colmar's research  University of Sydney Faculty of Education & Social Work. A parent-based book-reading intervention for disadvantaged children with language difficulties https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0265659013507296Screen time guidelineshttps://aifs.gov.au/resources/short-articles/too-much-time-screens-screen-time-effects-and-guidelines-children-andScreen Use appshttps://www.verywellfamily.com/best-parental-control-apps-4779963#toc-best-for-budget-google-family-linkhttps://families.google/familylink/Safety issues and children's screen use – online child groominghttps://www.safeonsocial.com/post/online-child-grooming-my-personal-experience

Today's podcast discusses parenting in the early school years. In particular, how parent's managed themselves with a shy child. The interactions presented highlight a child's separation anxiety in the context of reluctance to attend school. The fist interaction reveals the familiar worry cycle parents easily find themselves in. The more the parents focus on her worry about the child not coping at school, the more she focuses on rescuing her son. The child participates in this worry cycle with increasingly dependent reactions. The second interaction presents a calmer parent who focuses on what they bring to the exchange. The podcast explores the topic of children's temperament and the effect on parent protectiveness. Also explored is some fascinating research from animal and human studies on the value of regular exposure to stress.The message for parents is that parent separation anxiety can be just as natural as a child's separation anxiety. The good news is that it is within the parent's control to address their sensitivities to their child, to tolerate their child's exposure to appropriate life stress and, in turn to promote their child's stress management for life. Research links:Kagans Inhibited and Uninhibited Temperamentshttps://www.euroformhealthcare.biz/temperament-traits/kagans-inhibited-and-uninhibited-temperaments.htmlExposure to frequent separations.Lyons DM, Parker KJ, Schatzberg AF. Animal models of early life stress: implications for understanding resilience. Dev Psychobiol. 2010 Nov;52(7):616-24. doi: 10.1002/dev.20500. PMID: 20957724; PMCID: PMC6716163.https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6716163/

In this series Dr Jenny Brown conveys how each phase of a child's development presents parents with opportunities to step back and consider their part in interactions – to see what is helping to promote gradual independence and self-regulation rather than unintentionally fuelling reactivity or dependence. With toddlers the challenge is managing our responses to their huge learning spurt and push towards independence. This podcast describes 2 different parent toddler interactions involving a toddler not getting what they want. What is in a parent’s control to contribute to a toddler’s increased capacity to delay gratification?Research links mentioned in podcastLuo, Y., Pattanakul, D. Infant expectations of instant or delayed gratification. Sci Rep 10, 19081 (2020).https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-020-76136-9The Stanford marshmallow experiment- a study on delayed gratification in 1972 led by psychologist Walter Mischelhttps://www.simplypsychology.org/marshmallow-test.html