The Gentle Rebel Podcast

The noise we encounter can significantly impact how we perceive the world and what we believe about it. This can be multiplied tenfold for sensitive types who naturally absorb and respond to subtle environmental shifts and sensory disturbances. So, how do we learn to acknowledge and address the noise that can otherwise derail and distract us? I explore that question in this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, which follows from last week's exploration of personal sound and the idea of "coming to our senses." https://youtu.be/elTJHlIUslk The Difference Between Noise and Buzz Buzz is not a technical term, but it helps us differentiate different types of external stimulation. In the episode, I discuss how noise disturbs the senses, diminishing our capacity to enjoy while buzz enriches the experience, adding to the atmosphere and energy. Distinguishing between noise and buzz helps us gauge whether an environment supports our objectives and desires in any given moment. We might recognise how the same stimulation can be met differently by people. For example, some find silence distracting and seek sensory input to create a buzz to concentrate, while others lose focus if anything is happening around them. This highlights the subjective nature of these perceptions, which requires understanding and negotiation, especially in shared spaces like open-plan offices and living environments. Sources of Noise Noise reaches us through our senses, our thinking, and bodily sensations. We can perceive and feel disturbances in many ways and from various sources, some more overt than others. Sensory Noise Sensory noise is stimulation that directly enters our senses: noisy sounds, tastes, smells, touch, sights etc. Input becomes noisy when our ability to process sensory data or receive information through other senses is impaired. Cognitive Noise We might not notice how noisy our thoughts are when we are habituated to an overthinking mind. Thoughts might include the voice of the inner critic and the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves, one another, and the state of the world. Digital Noise I wasn't sure where to put mobile technology but it certainly belongs on this list. In fact, we might find it under every item. But rather than being a direct noise source, it tends to act as an amplifier for many other noise sources. The phone brings sensory noise through the sights and sounds of relentless news feeds and reels. It can also amplify cognitive noise, triggering internal judgements based on comparisons as we glimpse images, videos, and updates flying past our eyes, not to mention exposure to the relentless flood of real-time information that we wouldn't get in such abundant volume without technology. Cultural Noise Current events, news stories, and social trends flow into our conscious awareness from outside. They take up capacity for thinking and feeling and become noise when we don't have a creative outlet to process and release them. Cultural noise also flows through the values and beliefs we absorb from society and judge ourselves by. Somatic/Physical Noise We might feel noisiness in our physical beings. It can be experienced as pain, tension, tightness, aches, throbs, tenderness, etc. On the one hand it is where we might hold unprocessed thoughts, emotions, and experiences. But on the other hand, it can also become a source of noise itself. Emotional Noise Unacknowledged and unprocessed emotional responses to environments, situations, encounters, and experiences can build up inside us as noise. The louder they get, the more they influence our perception of reality. What We Hear is How We See I use the role of music in film and TV to highlight this. There are some fantastic examples of how music can completely change what you believe you are seeing in front of you. Check out these examples: The Power of Music in Film Breaking Bad The Sitcom

We can lose connection with our "sound" if we experience over-empathy, people-pleasing, and an "I'm OK if you're OK" filter. This can happen if the nervous system learns to perceive danger and safety by taking responsibility for the well-being and reactions of people (and things) it can't control. Our creative spirit gets stifled when these patterns settle into our systems. It gets harder to locate our preferences, opinions, and desires. And choices become filtered through their potential social consequences rather than their intrinsic value and importance to us. Creative spirit has three core elements: sound, noise, and voice. In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, we explore the role of sound in each of us and how we can find our way home if we're out of connection. What does it mean to have a personal sound? Why does it matter? How does it feel? Where is it? How do we find it? What causes us to lose connection with it? As thinking, feeling, and consciously self-aware creatures, creative spirit flows through our very beingness. It is the invitation to shift the trajectory from what would have happened without us into what COULD happen with us. It stems from the faintest aromas and grows through the slightest cracks of light. While voice is how we express ourselves in the world, our sound is how we perceive, sense, and notice the world. Sound is the intuitive, creative instincts that precede the interference and noise that clouds it out. In this episode, we will consider how to attune to this natural and personal part of our being as humans. Coming To Our Senses We often talk about someone coming to their senses when they return to sensible compliance and conformity with how they ought to act, think, and approach things. Sometimes, this is necessary, but often, it's a way to keep our sound hidden. It keeps our creative spirit squashed and unable to breathe. Truly coming to our senses is about recognising our first perceptions, noticing what we notice, including what we are drawn towards and away from before the noisy filters kick in. Filters like social pressures, expectations, and cultural injunctions leave us doing, chasing, and valuing things that don't matter to us and fearing, avoiding, and hiding from the things that do. If This Isn't Nice, I Don't Know What Is Kurt Vonnegut's uncle Alex had a saying: "If this isn't nice, I don't know what is." He says, "What Uncle Alex found objectionable about so many human beings is that they would seldom notice when they were happy." Happiness is a fleeting encounter with something that catches the sleeve of our attention and brings us into harmony with the moment. The mind isn't caught up in rumination and worry. It is present, aware, and alive. It can't be experienced anywhere or anytime other than here and now. We connect with our sound when we pause to say, "If this isn't nice, I don't know what is." In her book Anchored, Deb Dana says that "glimmers are all around us, but from a state of protection, they are very hard to find." For many sensitive souls who have developed deep defensive patterns that seek safety by avoiding threats, it can be challenging to notice glimmers. When our nervous systems are stressed, busy, or numb, we are less attuned to the points of connection around us. Catching Our Sleeve On Our Sound In his book Several Short Sentences About Writing, Verlyn Klinkenborg writes: “Is it possible to practice noticing?I think so. But I also think it requires a suspension of yearning. And a pause in the desire to be pouring something out of yourself.Noticing is about letting yourself out into the world,Rather than siphoning the world into you…Noticing means thinking with all your senses.So what is noticing?A pinpoint of awareness,The detail that stands out amid all the details.It’s catching your sleeve on the thorn of the thing youNotice” What catches your sleeve?

Where does your mind go when you read the phrase, "The money changed everything"? In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, I want to share points from our recent Haven discussion when we used this prompt to chat and play. Where did the money come from? What difference did it make? Before our gathering, I stumbled on an episode of Alfred Hitchcock Presents called "Reward to Finder". The story is about Carl, who finds some money in a gutter on his way home from work. Instead of returning it to its rightful owner (in exchange for an unspecified reward), as he promised his wife, Anna, he keeps it hidden in his attic. Eventually, Anna discovers that he is counting the money and demands a share. She threatens to go to the police if Carl doesn't comply. As she spends the money, the situation escalates. Ultimately, they both decide to take action. This changes everything. It was like poison; it got into our bloodstream.Normal life became something obscene.We couldn’t see straight. I lost you in the haze.Neighbours hear banging through the walls of this doorless maze.A dark cloud hanging like a fur coat.In limbo, awaiting the verdict. Words inspired by Reward to Finder The story highlights a familiar scenario we may have encountered in various situations. The arrival of money can often trigger possessiveness, control, greed, and envy, causing relationships to crumble. This can happen dramatically, as depicted in the story, or gradually over time. Over time, resentments build up, stories take hold in the characters' minds, beliefs shift, values change, and people stop seeing people. Instead, they see obstacles, hindrances, opportunities, and gold mines. But perhaps, instead of bringing about fundamental changes, money reveals what was already there. But The Money Can Make a Positive Difference It was interesting to notice how my personal response to the prompt had a negative flavour. This attitude might be called "Why does money always ruin good things?" There are many examples of this. But I wanted to explore how money can positively change everything. That would be the first place people go in response to the prompt. An unexpected gift that took the pressure off or saved the day, approval for the loan that got the business off the ground, or the grant that transformed the community. What Would You Choose To Do If Money Wasn't an Obstacle? What Would You Choose To Do If Money Wasn't an Obstacle? is a classic coaching question. But it's also an interesting one to dissect. The responses seem to vary depending on whether having a vision precedes the availability of funds or vice versa. On one hand, we may ask, "What is something you would love to do but can't due to a lack of resources?" Perhaps there is a particular project you would love to undertake, a place you would like to visit, or changes you would like to make. In other words, if you had the money, you would know exactly what to spend it on. For me, it's finishing my album. Incidentally, if you have £5000 lying around (or know someone who does), gimme a shout! The other way of reading the question is, "If you suddenly came into a chunk of money, what would you do with it?" It's the "What would you do if you won the lottery?" question. Responses tend to be more vague. We would "probably" buy this or that, replace some stuff, give it away, or invest it. The possibilities are broader, but they are also potentially less focused. A Highly Sensitive Drive To Enable There was a thread in our discussion as we imagined the difference money could make in enabling desirable stuff to emerge in the world around us. Once the bills are taken care of and there's enough yarn to knit with, we might look beyond our personal situation and into families, neighbourhoods, and communities, where money could change things for good. Unconditional Giving This opened a conversation about gifts. Some people love giving but are uncomfortable receivi...

Adam Grant explores how our practice can lead to boreout in Hidden Potential. In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, I dive into this idea and reflect on the role of playfulness in maintaining our motivation with the things that matter most. We consider the distinctions between burnout and boreout and delve into the contrast between obsession and passion. I ask how the demands and pace of hustle culture might lead to chronic boredom. We look at why we need not stress about discovering our purpose and passion despite the societal messages we are bombarded with. "It is neither work nor play, purpose nor purposelessness that satisfies us. It is the dance between." - Bernard de Koven Boreout is the emotional deadening you feel when you’re under-stimulated to the point of disconnection. But it might also occur when we are chronically overstimulated and unable to pause between life's ceaseless bombardment of noise. Practice and Boreout Boreout is a phenomenon that often arises when we lose our sense of purposeful connection and intrinsic joy with the task at hand. When it comes to practice, it can turn into an obsessive slog rather than a meaningful journey towards progress and growth. Deliberate play isn't about avoiding work. It's about shifting our mentality and seeing how potential can be reached sustainably by finding ways to playfully engage in practice, learning, and growth. "You're not supposed to enjoy it; it's piano practice!" We fall into a trap with certain endeavours. We believe that practice ought to feel like a slog. This leads us to stories of forbidden fun. Some things are meant to feel like punishment. However, Adam Grant refers to a study conducted on renowned concert pianists, which revealed most of them practised the piano for just an hour a day during their early years, and they weren't raised by controlling and dominating drill sergeants. Their passion ignited, and their parents and teachers gave them the conditions to maintain their motivation and enthusiasm. They practised, not because they had to, but because they were interested. They enjoyed working with teachers to explore the craft more; excited, engaged and wanted to learn, improve, and practice. When we treat it as something we've just got to repeat and repeat, practice can lead to boreout. It can also extinguish passion and cause us to resent things that used to be exciting and joyful. In the episode, I also explore: Harmonious passion vs obsessive passion and which is more useful How my drum teachers used deliberate play to keep me on track with my exams Why a lack of creative coaching led me to quit a football team Similarities between burnout and boreout How it can be more relaxing to create than to do nothing Why overstimulation can leave us bored and disconnected The way algorithms overstimulate our senses with sameness - and how variety and difference are sources of energy and inspiration Collective boreout through cultural drift How uncertainty gives rise to creativity, passion, and play (and the danger of trying to avoid it) And more... Over to You So, what resonated for you in this episode? Leave a comment below or get in touch via social media or through my contact page.

Humour is a VERY important sense. Without it, we risk taking ourselves so seriously that we lose all perspective. Our sense of humour is a core part of gentleness (firm back, soft front) because it allows us to move through the world with greater flexibility and openness. We all have this sense! But it takes practice to remain humourously sensitised to the world around, within, and between us. In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, I share a Haven Courtyard conversation I had towards the end of 2023 with Roxana Alexandru and Neil Hughes. We explored how we might use humour to befriend anxiety and the inner critic in helpful and healthy ways. Rox helps people figure out ways to play with and change their relationship with debilitating social anxiety. She shares her experiments through Instagram and TikTok. Neil wrote the book Walking on Custard & the Meaning of Life: A Guide for Anxious Humans. It contains an inspiring ongoing meta dialogue with his inner critic throughout. Check out Neil’s website and watch his TEDx Talk (A new plan for anxious feelings: escape the custard!) I love how both Rox and Neil relate to the voice of their inner critics, which is why I thought it would be fun to have them both on the same call…and I was right; it was! In our conversation, they explained why they felt drawn to use humour to engage with their inner critic and what they've learned. We Discuss Humour, Anxiety, Inner Critics, and... How can we work on our relationship with the inner critic in light-hearted ways? When is it better to be amused than anxious? Experimental ideas to take control over the process so that the fear doesn't gain power over you. How Neil's goal was to reach a point where he no longer needed to think/talk about anxiety. We explore how engaging with inner work as a temporary process (perhaps even obsession) can lead you to a light on the other side. The link between custard and anxiety and how seeing it through this metaphor can help identify and reach more solid and desirable ground. Situations and environments where social anxiety increases (and how to prepare/recover to avoid feedback loops) The simple power of being interested (rather than worrying about being interesting) The derailing fear of being misunderstood. Why we can never be prepared enough for every potential eventuality and how Neil engages with that truth in creatively humorous ways How scripting can help give a set of mental tools to draw on and use during times when we most need it Creating deliberate awkward moments helps the brain lean into discomfort on our terms. Why are our post-situational inner narratives often worse than the situations themselves - and how do we choose more favourable (and evidenced) narratives to believe? The sound of our inner critic (is it a voice? A narrative? Or a flavour?) How to relate to impostor feelings (or impostor syndrome) in a helpful and humourous way The stories we tell ourselves about appearances and how judgements by those around us about those around us can become internalised How do we gauge and measure progress with anxiety and the inner critic? And how do we recognise ways we have grown and are growing? Over to You Did you relate to any of the areas we covered in this conversation? Is there something related to humour, anxiety, and the inner critic that you would like me to explore more in the future? Leave a comment below or send me a message.

Life coaching can be shrouded in confusion. In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, I chat with Megan Malone, delving into the joys and challenges of coaching. Together, we dissect why some view it sceptically and explore avenues for life coaches to reverse the negative trends and misconceptions. Megan is an International Coach Federation (ICF) certified coach and has a Master's in Organisational Development. She sheds clear light on the nature of coaching and what to expect from working with a professionally accredited life coach. The Perception of Life Coaching Coaching is plagued by numerous misconceptions, fuelling doubts and suspicions regarding its validity. Particularly in the wake of controversial instances like Escaping Twin Flames, The Dream (Season Three), and The Conspirituality Podcast (186: Coaches Coaching Coaches), where self-proclaimed coaches have been exposed for questionable and, at times, harmful practices. It's imperative to address these misconceptions because each of us should be in a position to make informed assessments about what we're being sold in the name of coaching. For this we must foster greater awareness and comprehension of ethical practices. Navigating the life coaching industry can be confusing, primarily due to its lack of regulation. Anyone can call themselves a coach without adhering to any particular standards. This ambiguity has sparked discussions calling for industry regulation to delineate more precise professional and ethical practices. Nevertheless, organisations like the ICF provide clear guidance to affiliated practitioners. They mandate adherence to specific standards, ethics, and competencies. But for it to be truly effective, this type of voluntary self-regulation also requires a public awareness and understanding of what coaching is (and isn't). It is crucial to recognise how coaching differs from other helping interventions and understand its uniquely valuable purpose. The Difference Between Coaching, Therapy, Mentoring, and Consulting Coaching Coaching is a pathway to attaining a specific outcome or desired future state. A coach acts as a partner, guiding clients to make decisions for themselves and designing an intentional course for personal or professional growth. Therapy Therapy and counselling focus on aiding clients in mental health recovery, processing past trauma, and healing emotional distress. They explore and address past pain that is hindering present and future well-being. Mentoring Mentoring is guidance, teaching, and advice from someone more experienced in a particular field or role. Having traversed a similar path, a mentor imparts wisdom and support, focusing on skill and knowledge acquisition. Consulting Consulting addresses specific problems, challenges, or goals. A consultant will often observe and analyse a situation so they can offer expert suggestions, recommendations, and strategies for a person or organisation to implement. Why is Life Coaching Unregulated? Coaching operates under the premise that clients are inherently whole and capable of making sound life decisions. The coach facilitates self-awareness through questioning and active listening, aiding clients in identifying obstacles, envisioning future desires, and formulating strategies for progress. While regulated professions often require proven credentials, coaching's focus on client responsibility and self-directed growth means it's unlikely to become regulated. However, the rise of untrained coaches (and a wild west of coach training options) blurs the lines, with some assuming roles beyond their expertise, such as advising or diagnosing based solely on personal experience and interests. ICF-affiliated training programs emphasise a coach's role in guiding clients to find their own path rather than offering direct advice. This approach fosters motivation, reward, and confidence in clients' decisions,

After experiencing challenges with panic attacks, Aaron Espe figured out how to build a career that works for him. Aaron is currently a full-time songwriter based in Nashville Tennessee. In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, I chat with Aaron about songwriting, creativity, and adapting to creative adversity. I first heard his music in 2012 when I was presenting the music podcast, Lost on Radio. Aaron was our artist of the week with his track, Hanging By a Thread. I felt an instant connection to his sound and have been keeping a close ear on his work ever since. His book, On Songwriting: Practical Tips and Insights from a Decade in Music City will be an important part of my reference library from now on. It's a fantastic guide for anyone creating things to help rekindle focus, clarity, and a sense of possibility. https://youtu.be/bUoUh5MIPNw In our conversation, Aaron Espe and I discuss: The importance of being adaptable and flexible in a creative career (and being unable to co-write songs led Aaron to write a book) What inspired him to carve his own path rather than taking the conventional songwriting routes he was "supposed" to follow The GPS Method and The Painting Method for writing songs (and which we naturally gravitate to) Where inspiration comes from and processes for writing when it's not there The power of co-writing as a way to grow your skills and network And much more...

We're at the start of a new year. A time when many are thinking about projects, habits, and changes they want to focus on next. Whenever we seek advice on making a change, we're never far from a coach willing to help. But coaching has become a confusing and mysterious mixed bag. So I thought it might help to share some potential red flags to look out for if you're considering it this year. Growing Awareness of Bad Coaching Practices Have you noticed that everyone seems to be a "life coach" these days? Investigative documentaries, articles, and podcasts have started highlighting certain bad practices to look out for in the industry. Conspirituality released an episode examining emotional exploitation and parallels with multilevel marketing schemes of certain programs that train coaches to become coaches who coach coaches to be coaches. Season 3 of The Dream dives into similar topics in more depth. Online streaming platforms have an ever-growing library of shows exposing abuses in the name of coaching, such as "Escaping Twin Flames". The Closest Thing To Regulation in The Coaching Industry While still not perfect, reputable coaching bodies take great care to develop standards and core competencies that keep coaches and coachees as safe as possible amid the lack of official regulation. For coaches and coach training programs that are accountable to and assessed by associations like the International Coaching Federation (ICF), there is a level of professionalism and knowledge demanded of those who pursue accredited certifications. There are well-defined, concrete explanations about what you can expect from working with a coach. While every coach has a different personal and professional approach, and will develop the most effective ways of working with particular people, the basic scaffold of coaching is necessarily solid. But loose definitions and ambiguous understandings of coaching can confuse those exploring the field as a means of support. This can lead to misconceptions and a lack of awareness about what to look for and avoid when searching for a coach. What IS Coaching? Building on the ICF's definition, coaching is a thoughtful and creative partnership between coach and coachee that inspires them to explore the possibilities. It helps unlock sources of imagination and resourcefulness to overcome external challenges and inner obstacles to desired outcomes. It is focused on creating a practical pathway for a future-oriented objective. Coaching is not about fixing, advising, or training. Coaching is a specialist skill in and of itself. It's not about telling someone what to do or imparting knowledge. It's built on structured conversations that require trust and collaboration to serve an intentionally articulated purpose. The documentaries and exposés often highlight practices that insidiously and explicitly contradict these core coaching principles. Red Flags to Look Out For When Choosing a Coach If you're looking to make a change in your life and could use professional support to help you find focus, motivation, and the right path forward, working with a trained coach is a great option. However, not all coaches are equal, and I've compiled a list of red flags based on my observations and conversations with others who have horror stories from the so-called coaches they've encountered. Funnels, Systems, and Promises Be suspicious of any coach guaranteeing a specific result. "Get Rich Quick" is always tempting, especially when delivered in an attractive location with charisma and confidence. If it sounds too easy to be true, it almost certainly is. If their bio says "I'll Help You Grow a 7-figure Business", proceed with caution. The question to ask ourselves is, who wants me to believe this is easy? And what's in it for them if I buy the belief? Selling You a New Problem If you woke up today without the problem you are suddenly considering hiring a coach for or...

I’ve always felt uneasy about the use of "superpower" to describe high sensitivity. In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, Scott Barry Kaufman and I talk about recent research indicating a shift in cultural frames around sensory processing sensitivity and potential issues with portraying high sensitivity as a superpower. Sensitivity is a "Beautiful and Complex Trait" Rather than being a “superpower”, Scott points out, sensory processing sensitivity is a beautiful and complex trait underpinning the survival strategy for 20%-30% of humans and has been found in over 100 species so far. There have been some interesting (and challenging) studies in the past couple of years looking at portrayals of sensitivity in Western culture. Last year, Scott wrote an article for Psychology Today responding to a study examining links between high sensitivity and vulnerable narcissism. Signalling Sensitivity He wrote another piece highlighting research into how some people misappropriate the trait of high sensitivity to seek certain benefits. This research found "zero correlation between sensory processing sensitivity and signalling high sensitivity." In other words, between those with the trait and those who make unreasonable demands using the trait as an excuse. This research found "zero correlation between sensory processing sensitivity and signalling high sensitivity." In other words, between those with the trait and those who make demands using the trait as an excuse. For example... Asking for privileges because of sensitivity Receiving special treatment because of sensitivity Requesting help because of sensitivity Avoiding penalties because of sensitivity Blaming mistakes on sensitivity Telling people how hard life is because of sensitivity Most of the highly sensitive people I've talked to about this list recoil in discomfort at the idea of using their sensitive trait in this way. Especially if it involves making a fuss, receiving special treatment, or requiring others to go above and beyond just for us. The Potential of Sensitivity Scott writes, "A beautiful and complex trait has become co-opted by some people as a victim-signalling strategy-- "a public and intentional expression of one's disadvantages, suffering, oppression, or personal limitations." Indeed, recent research suggests that victim signalling is becoming increasingly prevalent in our society and can be viewed as an expression of a "culture of victimhood" in which claiming to be a victim isn't in the service of receiving help and assistance for a genuine disadvantage but instead becomes something actually desirable and fashionable in itself." I believe highly sensitive people have a powerful role to play in the collective potential of humanity. When combined with genuine empathy and compassion, sensitivity senses what needs to be sensed. It feels deeply for the whole and seeks ways to connect rather than drive apart. About Scott Barry Kaufman Scott Barry Kaufman is a humanistic psychologist exploring the depths of human potential. He received his PhD in cognitive psychology from Yale University and an M.Phil in experimental psychology from Cambridge. He has taught courses on intelligence, creativity, and well-being at Columbia, NYU, and the University of Pennsylvania. Scott is the author of Ungifted, Wired To Create, Transcend, and Choose Growth. He hosts The Psychology Podcast. In 2015, he was named one of "50 Groundbreaking Scientists who are changing the way we see the world" by Business Insider. Visit Scott's website to learn more.

While it's not a "Christmas Song", I felt compelled to release Still Time during the festive season because there's just something about it. My friend Peter seems to agree: "Big-hearted and tender loveliness for a December evening (and probably other months and times of day too, but this feels like a particularly good time for it)". So this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast is (not) a festive bonus. When asked what they would do if tomorrow were their last day on Earth, many said they would hang out by a lake or up a mountain to view the sunrise alone or with loved ones. There is still time (and appetite) to play, write, and create. They are drawn to familiar places and sensory experiences (meaningful tastes, sounds, smells, sights, and physical touch). I was somewhat surprised at the lack of bucket list activities and final thrills. There was a real sense of “return” in the responses. I suppose there might be something about the imminence of finality that draws us toward simplicity. Grounded where we are. The reality we can reach out and touch. An invitation to look around us right now, where we are, and allowing this to be enough and recognising that this IS enough. Weirdly, no one said they would spend the day on social media arguing with, provoking, or showing off to strangers on the internet. It's almost as if that stuff isn’t that meaningful when push comes to shove. Not a Christmas Episode and Not a Christmas Song While Still Time is not a “Christmas song”, these themes certainly resonate with my understanding of this time of year. For many, there is a bittersweet melancholy associated with the festive season. There are reminders of what and who is no longer with us. We experience folded page memories that bring flavours of days gone into the present. We might reflect on another year gone and anticipate, wonder, hope, or dread the year to come. In this episode: I share some ideas I discussed in last week’s live Haven Courtyard. I explore the ways Rapid Response caught my attention and how I approached the piece I contributed to the exhibition. We unpack the creative process behind Still Time (including some embarrassing voice notes) I talk about why songwriting is such a magical, mysterious, and utterly normal thing for me.

In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, I sit down with artist Ben Cowan who kindly invited me into his kitchen for a chat about "Art That Makes You Think". Through his visual satire, Ben adds dark and comedic twists to many of the familiar logos, brands, and packaging that have become part of our cultural furniture. I first encountered Ben earlier this year at the Spark-Ignite symposium at the Royal Spa Centre in Leamington. He appeared on a panel called "Creativity Against The Odds" and shared his fascinating artist origin story. His philosophical outlook grabbed my attention, so I was keen to follow up and invite him onto the podcast. About Ben Ben spent many years working as a disaster relief specialist in war-torn countries. He says that he found it hard to process what stood for ‘normal life’ when he returned. Without the urgent sense of physical threat, the threat of normal life took on a different form of existential threat. He describes this as a catalyst for him to create art that makes people think but also laugh. Art That Makes You Think (and Laugh) I often reflect on the role of art in our individual and collective lives. Sometimes, it needs to provoke and prod us out of numbing slumbers. It can teach us to feel, call us to action, and connect us with a deeper sense of meaning. In recent years, I've noticed a tendency towards people creating art that tries telling us WHAT to think. Ben holds up a mirror to the propagandistic properties of art with an agenda. He is inspired by Yuval Noah Harari, who talks about the Four C's. Collaborate, Communicate, Critical Thinking, and Creativity, are core characteristics of a successful society. Art is a crucial part of engaging us in HOW to think. It helps us explore WHY we think what we think. And gives us awareness of the influences (and noise) that contributes to our beliefs and opinions, so we can hold them to more cast-iron scrutiny. In our conversation, we discuss: The relationship between art and thought - what is "art that makes you think"? The role art plays in exploring ‘the good life’ Our cultural and creative "elders" (figures who have had a profound long-term influence on us as artists and human beings) AI, creativity, and human connection Doppelganger - Naomi Klein's book about the Mirror World The artist in each of us – the difference between the commercially viable self and the creatively curious self…is it possible to encounter ourselves outside of the capitalist system? Explore Ben’s work through his website: www.artthatmakesyouthink.com. Check out his ‘Ideas Worth Wearing’ shop on Redbubble. Ben also writes a regular blog: BEN TALKS – Ideas Worth Sharing. Follow him on Instagram. Links/Resources Mentioned in The Conversation: Sapiens (Yuval Noah Harari) Bill Hicks in London No Logo (Naomi Klein) Doppelganger (Naomi Klein) The Courage To Be Disliked (Kishimi and Koga) How This AI Image Won a Major Photography Competition The Big Issue: The brave new world of AI therapy Watch The Full Conversation https://youtu.be/6GrXAfPpVX8

After turning a building due for demolition into a creative community space in the centre of Coventry, Alan Denyer had an epiphany. People aren't actually all that boring. He's a changed man. And a delightful guy! It was a joy to spend an hour chatting about the importance of accessible spaces for creativity and art in any community. In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, you will hear my conversation with Alan, which we recorded in the Long Gallery of the LTB Showrooms in Coventry. And I share my new single, Still Time. The song was written and recorded as part of the Rapid Response exhibition at the end of October 2023. Alan's approach to the LTB Showrooms resonates with my creative spirit. In our conversation we talk about: The creative things you can do with physical spaces How passion sustains people, and the human desire to contribute to community projects when the opportunity arises The small differences between a chaotic and organised creative space How the LTB Showrooms have transformed Alan as a person (and how he sees it doing the same to others)...and why he no longer believes people are boring People will often create, volunteer, and contribute even when there is no financial reward for doing so And a bunch more...

How do you respond when things don't turn out as you hoped they would? It was lovely to pause for a chat with my friend, Cameron Airen recently. It had been a while since our previous recorded conversation (back in 2018). A lot has changed for all of us since then! Cam is no exception. On this weeks episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, we discuss what happens when things don't turn out as hoped. We explore areas of work/business, relationships, and hobbies. How do we not take it personally when our endeavours don't turn out as we hoped? What tells us when it's time to cut our losses and let go? How do we get through it? How do we know where to go next? Cameron and I discussed how we rarely hear people discuss things going wrong, but it's refreshing to do so. It helps us feel less lonely and more connected. I want to amplify those people trying to muddle along, living meaningful lives in ordinary ways. This might also serve as a small antidote to the dehumanising effects of celebrity culture, where we focus on turning people we don't know into gods and monsters for entertainment. Role Models in Real Life I want to avoid Survivor Bias as much as possible by sharing incomplete stories that do not have neat endings that wind up at the destination of “All’s Well That Ends Well”. So it was strangely satisfying to talk about situations where things have not turned out as hoped, and how disappointing that has been for us at times. We need more role models who are learning to adapt to the ups and downs of everyday life. People who can roll with the punches and engage with creative spirit and purpose amid “ordinary unhappiness”. We connect with each other on the building sites of loss, in our collective grief, and through shared moments of bittersweet melancholy. From there, we can create a more meaningful and sustainable sense of hope for the future. Connect with Cameron's Instagram and website.

In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, Dorcas Cheng-Tozen joins me to discuss her book, Social Justice for the Sensitive Soul. What draws highly sensitive people towards it, and how can we navigate and engage with the issues without burning out? I was particularly interested in considering how sensitive nervous systems are attuned to the needs of a community as a core response to the biological imperative for personal survival. Humans are not wired to connect with and care about the whole world. It's too big and heavy for any individual to carry alone. But the interconnected world shows us everything wrong, and we hear about tragedies almost instantly via social media and the twenty-four-hour news cycle. So, how do we sustain our nervous systems and maintain compassion and care in such difficult conditions? Moreover, how do we make peace with the fact we cannot care about everything without becoming desensitised and shutting down? In our conversation, we explore: The challenges that face highly sensitive and introverts who want to understand and engage with social issues How to approach urgent social problems without losing your ability to think critically and openly Approaches and attitudes that can be off-putting for sensitive people Letting go of an individual hero complex and trusting the bigger picture Causes for hope when the world feels bleak And much more About Dorcas and Social Justice For The Sensitive Soul Dorcas Cheng-Tozen is an award-winning writer, editor, speaker, and international communications consultant. She has nearly twenty years of experience working with nonprofits and social enterprises, living in mainland China, Hong Kong, and Kenya. Dorcas currently lives in California with her husband and two sons. Social justice work, we often assume, is raised voices and raised fists. It requires leading, advocating, fighting, and organizing wherever it takes place--in the streets, slums, villages, inner cities, halls of political power, and more. But what does social justice work look like for those of us who don't feel comfortable battling in the trenches? Social Justice For The Sensitive Soul addresses this question. Connect with Dorcas: Website: www.chengtozun.comSocial media: Instagram, Facebook, Linkedin

Do you ever feel overwhelmed and confused by the unending conveyor belt of new labels and training programs professing to be the missing piece in the puzzle of your life? We are sold the latest systems and interventions requiring expert knowledge. We throw our money at solutions with no fixed destination and a never-ending supply of potential new up-sells and add-ons. Many of us get caught in personal development cycles, seeking the next thing that promises to help us get unstuck. But rather than being stuck because we haven't found the perfect model, what if the quest for perfect itself, is a symptom of being stuck at a more foundational physiological level? Therapist and host of the "Stuck Not Broken" podcast, Justin Sunseri, joins us in this episode of the Gentle Rebel Podcast. He shares his passion for Polyvagal Theory and its transformative role in trauma recovery. Polyvagal Theory and The Science of Safety Justin refers to Polyvagal Theory as the science of safety in the relational biology of mammals. He suggests that people don't break; instead, they find themselves stuck. Hope for improvement, change, and growth always exists, but we may find ourselves stuck in a defensive autonomic state, such as flight, fight, shut down, or freeze. When stuck in this way, we resort to patterns of protection that have kept us "safe" in the past. I wanted our conversation to be an informal introduction to Polyvagal Theory and to get Justin's perspective on its theoretical foundations and potential application in everyday life. In our conversation, we talk about: How Justin stumbled on Polyvagal Theory as a frustrated therapist working in the U.S. school system. Where stuck states arise and what to do with them. Why Polyvagal Theory isn't a therapeutic and treatment style/metaphorical model (it is a research-based scientific framework). The three core states of Polyvagal Theory (Vagal Safety, Sympathetic Fight/Flight, Dorsal Shutdown). How does their defensive form impact behaviour, thoughts, and feelings? How each of us has different go-to actions in a state of mobilised fight, flight, or life-threatening shutdown. An explanation of the mixed states freeze, play, and stillness. Justin also defines and critiques the three new mixed states recently added: appeasement, faun, and intimacy. Are these helpful or unnecessarily confusing? Puzzle Completion Therapy - a wholly made-up therapeutic system Justin invented in one of his podcast episodes. He shows how simple it is to create a legitimate-sounding model to sell to people looking for help. The temporary nature of therapy and coaching. Plus some red flags to look out for when partnering with professionals. And much more… Links Justin's website: https://www.justinlmft.com/ Join us in The Haven https://youtu.be/DUE-ieXXNcA Join The Conversation

Rest is who we are beneath the noise. It is a sensing silence that sits beneath the pressure to maintain perceptions, manage expectations, and ceaselessly strive to be, do, and have more. And it can be hard to come by in our loud and fast-paced world. In this week's episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, I share a conversation with Rashid Hughes who I discovered via The Compassion Revolution. Rashid seeks to bridge the worlds of contemplative practice and collective care. I was drawn to his suggestion that if we only see practices as an individual thing, we miss the transformative role they play in the collective body. He describes a "great bypass" that leaves us in a feedback loop of striving for a state of unreal perfection. The noise of this restless pursuit is gently quietened through restful inquiry. In our conversation we explore: Rashid's Four Pillars of Rest and how we might engage with them. (R)elax the grip of goals, expectations, and becoming (E)xhale all the striving to be something else (S)ense the silence and stillness (T)une into awareness of who you are beneath your thoughts "I stand firm, ten toes down, in saying that inquiring into the beingness of being and learning to rest there consciously, is one emergent pathway to beholding the world with new eyes." - Rashid Hughes We talked about using accountability to reflect our vision and values. When our awareness and attention is opened to certain elements or ways of seeing, accountability is the feeling of being aligned and in sync with that part of ourselves. In other words, whether our vision and actions reflect each other. We also explored the implications of focussing on becoming at the expense of being. And how this sense of separation from ourselves and one another can lead us down deceptively destructive paths. Rest in Being as an Ocean Wave I share a journal reflection I wrote in preparation for the conversation, in which I played with the image of rest as the rhythm of waves on a shoreline. Some are big, some are small. Sometimes there isn’t much going on at all. Ritual is like that. Whether it be a spiritual or creative practice - somewhere we gather together or somewhere I retreat in solitude.  Over time waves change landscapes but even if one wave causes a landslide, this is still just one moment among many. We can get stuck in the spirit of doing. Chasing moments that can't be captured. We run down to the ocean with a jar and catch the wave. Do we have possession of a wave? If we show it to someone else they will just see water. The wave is no longer there. The wave is uncontainable rhythm. It’s a beat. A moment. Something that can't be appropriated or owned. No two waves hold the same water even though they might take a similar form in appearance. Each of these moments is unique in that sense. That is what ritual is to me. We live in a world that expects, demands, and wants to possess what can't be detained. As soon as it enters the jar, the wave ceases to be a wave. This rings true to many aspects of life. What do we miss when we're busy thinking of new ways to control the flow within, around, and between us? Connect with Rashid through his website and on Instagram. Join The Conversation

When navigating a season or environment of change, we need things we can trust. But what does it mean to trust someone or something? Where does it come from? The word derives from the root "Deru" (firm, solid, steadfast), the same etymological foundation as the word tree. It brings an image of strength through flexibility, adaptability, and dependability to meet the moment's needs. A tree is anchored in place by its roots. It starts growing beneath the ground. Charlie Jones joined us in our September Courtyard Conversation to discuss dealing with unpredictable change. We explored the meaning of truth during uncertain times and how it relates to the growth and erosion of trust in the people and places around us. Maybe you can think of someone or something you have lost confidence in. What is it that means they can't be trusted? Words that come to mind are shape-shifting, slippery, and a drive to wiggle their way out of things to protect themselves. Someone who will do anything to avoid accountability and responsibility for their words and actions. When we lose trust in one person, it can impact the story we tell about everyone. This is why it's in the interests of a healthy culture to grow and nurture a shared understanding of and commitment to truth. It starts where we are. How is Trust Grown? What tells us it is safe to put our confidence in another person? These are some of the responses that came through the Courtyard conversation when we explored the characteristics of trust. This is not a prescriptive list of things to do but reflections on some of those signs and signals that indicate the presence of truth, as we defined earlier. As the steadfastness that runs through from our roots to the tips of our leaves. Integrity (practising what you preach) We scan for signs that we can or cannot trust someone based on whether their actions reflect their words. Respect (to look again) Trust grows when we look beneath someone's role/position/performance and meet them at the level of being. This is an ongoing practice, not a one-time event. Patience (slowing down) Trust grows when someone cares enough to slow down and address things properly and effectively. If they appear in a rush to sugarcoat, appease, or force quick change, we might wonder what they are afraid of. Accountability (a shared agreement) Trust grows when we have mechanisms to hold ourselves and one another to a shared vision and foundational values. Something against which to "balance the books". It erodes if we hold people accountable for things around which we have not reached a shared consensus. Listening (holding space) Listening is a buzzword in many situations and environments where change occurs. But hope and trust are quickly eroded if you're told you're being listened to, but evidence says you're being ignored. Charlie co-founded Spaces For Listening with Brigid Russell, so we had a good chat about the characteristics of genuine listening. Encouragement (unconditional acceptance) Praise can feel manipulative because it is linked to doing things in the correct/acceptable way. Even if it feels good to hear (when it aligns with our feelings about something), it doesn't help trust grow as we think they are trying to get something from us. On the other hand, encouragement is about unconditional acceptance at the level of being. Seeing who we are BENEATH what we do creates conditions for that to flourish in its own way. Bravery (going against the grain) Trust grows when we witness someone act from a place of truth. A willingness to make life more difficult for themselves because there is something more important to them. Maybe they are willing to have a difficult conversation, admit they were wrong about something, or stand up to authority. When someone sacrifices their comfort or pleasure for the sake of something or someone else, it can grow a sense of trustworthiness.

This is the third and final part of our mini-series looking at questions around the theme of change. In the first episode, we explored the signs and signals that tell us something has changed or is ready to change. Last time we thought about how to take change from a hypothetical possibility to an embodied reality. In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, we are thinking about maintaining motivation when we're in the messy chaos of change. You know what needs to change. You've chosen how you'd like to approach this season of change. But how do you stay motivated when the initial surge of energy is absorbed into everyday life again? These ideas came out of our Haven Theme Kota at the start of September. They are not all relevant and appropriate for everything and everyone. But some might stir new insights and open up horizons so that more creative options can occur to us down the line. What Is Motivation? Motivation comes in different shapes, sizes and from a range of sources. It's a feeling, an energy, an inner spark. But it's also something that comes from external sources. It grows in connection with other people. It is broader than our individual energy and will. When The Motivation Wears Off At the start of the summer I had a painful gout attack. My motivation to do whatever it took to avoid it ever happening again was very strong. It helped me identify some habits that I could tweak to hopefully lessen the chance of future attacks. But a few months on and my motivation has shifted. I can remember that it was painful, however, I can't sense the pain directly. The urgency has dissipated because it has moved from my body. There is a sense of freedom in this because I am choosing rather than reacting. But there is also a chance that I forget about the changes I wanted to make. So, how do we stay motivated when that urgency wears off? That's what we're exploring in this episode. Micro-Motivations In our discussion, we talked about a few micro-motivations that we can build into our awareness in everyday life. These are simple ways to stay connected with possibility and our reasons that underpin the direction we want to move in. Glimmers Deb Dana talks about these small points of sparkle that give us a surge of positive energy. Momentary connections with something outside or within us make us feel a sense of wonder, calm, or excitement. Even if the change feels scary and big, we might find glimmers in it. Even if the change is unwanted, maybe there is something within that has prompted a feeling of connection and gratitude. Physical Cues We can use physical objects that remind us of the journey we're on, or things that keep us calm and connected along the way. Certain textures, smells, or tastes might give us a kick of motivated energy and connect the present with the future we are forever moving towards. Quick Wins We can use simple prompts that remind us to do something that connects us with the bigger picture. For example, write three words about what you can see, hear, and smell in this moment. Or take a photo of whatever is to the left of you. Or take three slow breaths as you wait for the kettle to boil. These prompts don't need to be directly relevant to your broader goals. Rather, they can help shift states and move into a more open and creative spirit at any moment. How Do You STAY Motivated? It's one thing feeling motivated to change, it's another thing staying motivated once the novelty wears off or you lose touch with that initial sensation. Here are some of the things we came up with in our Haven Hive Kota Brainstorm. Stop Trying to be Motivated We can sometimes put too much importance on feeling motivated. Just like a seed grows in the dark out of view, changes often happen accidentally and inadvertently when we're not looking. The danger of believing that we need to feel motivated is we end up overlooking the momentum and growth that...

This is the second of three episodes in a mini-series looking at questions around the theme of change. Last time, we explored the signs and signals that tell us something has changed or is ready to change. In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, we will take the next step in helping the change happen. You can download our digital cue cards to help you navigate a season of change. If the idea of a calm and connected 60-minute call with me sounds helpful, we can focus on an area of life you're looking to integrate or instigate change in a Pick The Lock session. Learn more here. How Does Change Happen? So, you know that something has shifted or is ready to change. How do you integrate that into life? What needs to happen to move it from awareness into embodied reality? These ideas came out of our Haven Theme Kota at the start of September. They are not all relevant and appropriate for everything and everyone. But some might stir new insights and open up horizons so that more creative options can occur to us down the line. I expand on each of these in the episode. Spontaneously Ripping Off The Bandage Sometimes, the best way to instigate change is to get on with it. We might be waiting forever if we're waiting for the perfect time. Maybe there's a spontaneous impulse urging us to move on to something important. We might know that if we leave it too long, we will overthink and second-guess the decision to the point of inaction. In Fits and Starts Change is messy. There are impactful days and days where nothing much happens. By expecting fits and starts change, we can give the process (and ourselves) grace and understanding. Through Habits and Behaviours Change happens over time when we take consistent actions that contribute to it. By identifying where we want to get, we can figure out the habits that will get us there. We become less daunted by the big picture by focusing on small behaviours. A Spirit of Creative Experimentation and Play Sometimes, change is less about a specific outcome and more about a reorientation. When we engage with the world through a spirit of experimentation and play, we can encounter new possibilities and find opportunities to move in directions that wouldn't otherwise occur to us. Simplicity and Slowness We might demand change happen quickly and obviously. But it's helpful to remember that change often occurs on its own timeline once we set the coordinates. The more we let it do its thing, the deeper and more sustainable the growth might become. With Planning and Consideration We might want to wait before we act. Planning and preparation are useful. But it's also helpful to know how much is enough so that we can get started. What don't we need in place before we start? When You Take Your Eyes Off The Prize When we check in and become aware of our relationship with change, we might realise that the outcome is no longer critical. We might have already gained what we needed from the experience. Is it still necessary? Relevant? Helpful? Or am I focused on achieving an outcome that is no longer required? Goals are helpful until they're not. They help us identify a meaningful direction to move. Still, if we become tethered to the outcome as the only measure of success, we might compromise other, more important values and priorities. Due To Necessity and Survival Sometimes, we have no choice but to instigate a change. Change, in this sense, happens when we get away from a situation, environment, or behaviour. Once the dust settles and the adrenaline wears off, we can choose the path we want to move along. With Help, Support, and Encouragement Sometimes, change happens because of other people or alongside other people. We don't have to do everything alone. There are often more opportunities to enlist help than we realise. Mindset Shifts On the one hand, change occurs when we shift an old mindset and adopt a new one.

This is the first of three episodes in a mini-series looking at questions around the theme of change. The ideas I explore have come from our Haven Theme Kota at the start of September. In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, we explore the signs and signals that tell us something has changed or something is ready to change. You can download our digital cue cards that will help you navigate a season of change. If the idea of a calm and connected 60-minute call with me sounds helpful, we can focus on an area of life you're looking to integrate or instigate change in a Pick The Lock session. Learn more here. How Do You Know When Change is Knocking At The Door? It doesn't always occur to us that something has, needs to, or could change in our lives. Because of our adaptive skills, we might drift in undesirable directions and accept incremental shifts away from the path we would otherwise choose. Or, in the face of shifting circumstances, it might not occur to us that the habits, behaviours, and choices that were appropriate for the past are no longer serving us. What tells you something HAS changed? When you take time to observe and reflect, what signals tell you something has changed? Changes happen internally, externally, culturally and in our interpersonal relationships. Recognising the signs can give us a better understanding of what our feelings, thoughts, and actions are telling us about the needs beneath them. When we notice our default patterns, we more quickly interpret and understand what they say. Because so often, we find ourselves in that limbo season, feeling overwhelmed, confused, and disconnected. Not realising that it's because we've not noticed something HAS changed or needs to change. The meaning has shifted It feels different The connection is lost I'm doing the same thing but getting different results It has become easy (I have grown/developed the skills) It has become hard (I am no longer able to do what I could before) It has become diluted (what used to seem special is everywhere) What indicates to you that it’s time for something to change? When you listen to and observe your mind, body, and spirit, how do they indicate it’s time for a change? In the episode I expand on the following: I'm procrastinating I experience a pressing feeling in my head, body, and throat I feel something stirring inside me I keep noticing signs that resonate and reinforce my intuition I wake up in the night worrying I am increasingly restless and bored with my current situation I feel annoyed, grumpy, passive-aggressive, and negative I am lethargic and struggling for motivation I am jumping from one thing to the next without being able to settle I write the same thing in my journal every day I keep making the same mistake without learning from it I feel like I'm just going through the motions I feel disconnected from, disinterested in, and afraid of a future where things continue along this current path I am treading water in limbo - waiting for something to happen I sense a small, calm voice within telling me to do something uncomfortable or scary Pause and Listen Try not to act until you know which state the voice of change is speaking through. Gut instinct and intuition can come from different sources. Ask yourself: Am I currently in a defensive (urgency/panic) or connected (creative/flexible) state? Notice how you finish the sentences, "the world is…and I am…" (in a defensive state you will see words that indicate a sense of threat and scarcity e.g. the world is hostile and I am lost or the world is demanding and I am getting left behind). This idea is from Deb Dana's book, Anchored. Find a cue (e.g. a favourite song, memory, or image) that helps you move into connection and safety in relation to your capacity to navigate change within your spirit of possibility, curiosity, and creativity. Now,