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Everyone's A Critic

Author: Jess & Jonathan

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The internet's first curated volume of other people's opinions! Each week, Jess and Jonathan take a deep, dark dive into the web's most popular review platforms, sharing with you the funniest snippets of humanity they can find. Yelpers who can't find the bathroom. AllRecipes chefs who completely change the recipe, then review it anyway. Amazon shoppers and their thoughts on meat by-products. With new themes to explore each episode, Jess and Jonathan hope to give voice to all the desperate internet reviewers shouting endlessly into the void.
It's a comedy podcast!
262 Episodes
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In today's episode, Jess brings reviews for the world's largest rotating globe. We quickly learn that when some folks look up, they see the stars. Others, the space between them, and nothing more.  We also learn that Garmin is still turning a profit, which is cool. If you like the show, PLEASE TELL A FRIEND? Our advertising is done for the foreseeable future. Otherwise, drop us a review or reach out! We love to hear from folks. Join us for community nights, twitch.tv/criticeveryone Yell at us: foreveracritic@gmail.com Tweet at us: @CriticEveryone Allow conspiracies to fester with us: Facebook Fan Page: https://www.facebook.com/Everyones-a-Critic-2327696304154655/ Listen to the other great shows on our network: https://xraypod.com/ As Tommy Wiseau once signed my copy of The Room: "be goods."
In today's episode, Jess explores the seedy underground market of DIY tattoos. And by seedy underground, I mean you can just buy a tattoo gun on Amazon. Later, Toni gets a call from a very special friend. It seems like a decent chunk of our new listeners are sticking around. Thanks! Also, PLEASE TELL A FRIEND? Our advertising is done for the foreseeable future. Otherwise, drop us a review or reach out! We love to hear from folks. Join other listeners for TRIVIA BY TINA, this Friday (April 2nd): twitch.tv/criticeveryone Yell at us: foreveracritic@gmail.com Tweet at us: @CriticEveryone Allow conspiracies to fester with us: Facebook Fan Page: https://www.facebook.com/Everyones-a-Critic-2327696304154655/ Listen to the other great shows on our network: https://xraypod.com/ As Tommy Wiseau once signed my copy of The Room: "be goods."
In today's show, Jess takes us back to the capital 'D' Denny's, and I say some very incendiary things about seminal and beloved rock opera The Wall. Hey if you're new to the show and sticking around, please tell a friend? Our advertising is done for the foreseeable future. Otherwise, drop us a review, or reach out! We love to hear from folks. Join us for game nights: twitch.tv/criticeveryone Yell at us: foreveracritic@gmail.com Tweet at us: @CriticEveryone Allow conspiracies to fester with us: Facebook Fan Page: https://www.facebook.com/Everyones-a-Critic-2327696304154655/ Listen to the other great shows on our network: https://xraypod.com/ As Tommy Wiseau once signed my copy of The Room: "be goods."
JUST TO BE CLEAR, we did do a theme song for today's Getting Hot with the Dogs, but I cut the whole thing because it was truly horrible to the human ear. GROWTH CAN STILL HAPPEN, PEOPLE. Today's episode also features Potato Head and the wooden shoe-tying practice shoe SOME OF US had to use as children.  Hey if you're new to the show and sticking around, please tell a friend? We're done advertising for the foreseeable future (until a better option emerges, anyway). Otherwise, drop us a review, or reach out! We love to hear from folks. Join us for game nights: twitch.tv/criticeveryone Yell at us: foreveracritic@gmail.com Tweet at us: @CriticEveryone Allow conspiracies to fester with us: Facebook Fan Page: https://www.facebook.com/Everyones-a-Critic-2327696304154655/ Listen to the other great shows on our network: https://xraypod.com/ As Tommy Wiseau once signed my copy of The Room: "be goods."  
In today's show, Jess explores Creationist museums in the UK, and we hear a post-apocalyptic love story every bit as good as Twilight. Hey if you're new to the show and sticking around, please tell a friend? Our advertising is done for the foreseeable future. Otherwise, drop us a review, or reach out! We love to hear from folks. Join us for game nights: twitch.tv/criticeveryone Yell at us: foreveracritic@gmail.com Tweet at us: @CriticEveryone Allow conspiracies to fester with us: Facebook Fan Page: https://www.facebook.com/Everyones-a-Critic-2327696304154655/ Listen to the other great shows on our network: https://xraypod.com/ As Tommy Wiseau once signed my copy of The Room: "be goods."    
Struggled with a title on this one. Something about DNA testing your cats (don't do that) and breastfeeding your baby in the Jordan's Furniture (do that).  That's right, this one's got the Jordan's Furniture complex of Reading, MA. A place that some of our listeners, we've recently learned, know all too well. If you like the show, TELL A FRIEND. It's our only hope. Join us for game nights: twitch.tv/criticeveryone Yell at us: foreveracritic@gmail.com Tweet at us: @CriticEveryone Allow conspiracies to fester with us: Facebook Fan Page: https://www.facebook.com/Everyones-a-Critic-2327696304154655/ Listen to the other great shows on our network: https://xraypod.com/ As Tommy Wiseau once signed my copy of The Room: "be goods."
Well folks, when I realized today's episode was 7 minutes too long, I took another pass through the audio. Trimmed the pauses. Clipped the follow-ups. Made the episode super late for our east coast friends. Aaaand now it's 6:30 too long. You're welcome! This one's about Applebees and the US economy.  If you like the show, TELL A FRIEND. It's our only hope. Join us for game nights: twitch.tv/criticeveryone Yell at us: foreveracritic@gmail.com Tweet at us: @CriticEveryone Allow conspiracies to fester with us: Facebook Fan Page: https://www.facebook.com/Everyones-a-Critic-2327696304154655/ Listen to the other great shows on our network: https://xraypod.com/ As Tommy Wiseau once signed my copy of The Room: "be goods."
Hello to our newest of new listeners! On today's show, we explore the AllRecipes gender binary, we read thirsty reviews for Chicken Run, and we bury AllRecipes in the *fucking ground*. Also, this episode was uploaded from my phone. We're lucky to have power, and we hope y'all are hangin' in there. If you like the show, please TELL A FRIEND? Or find us and let us know you like it: Join us for game nights: twitch.tv/criticeveryone Yell at us: foreveracritic@gmail.com Tweet at us: @CriticEveryone Allow conspiracies to fester with us: Facebook Fan Page: https://www.facebook.com/Everyones-a-Critic-2327696304154655/ Listen to the other great shows on our network: https://xraypod.com/ As Tommy Wiseau once signed my copy of The Room: "be goods"
This one's about cleaning gak, quick-ship mattresses, and keyboards you can eat your dinner off of. I also make many unfortunate jokes about Dorito crumbs and ... worse things. If you like the show, TELL A FRIEND. It's our only hope. Join us for game nights: twitch.tv/criticeveryone Yell at us: foreveracritic@gmail.com Tweet at us: @CriticEveryone Allow conspiracies to fester with us: Facebook Fan Page: https://www.facebook.com/Everyones-a-Critic-2327696304154655/ Listen to the other great shows on our network: https://xraypod.com/ As Tommy Wiseau once signed my copy of The Room: "be goods."  
Ep 130: A Parade of Karens

Ep 130: A Parade of Karens

2021-02-0301:05:10

This show's got it all. Appalling college professors. Karens on the march. And so many people getting cultured cream out of spicket. It's the best episode we've done in a while, and we've been pumped to put it up.  And hey, if you enjoy it, please tell us a friend, or drop us a review. The first one especially. Join us for game nights: twitch.tv/criticeveryone Yell at us: foreveracritic@gmail.com Tweet at us: @CriticEveryone Allow conspiracies to fester with us: Facebook Fan Page: https://www.facebook.com/Everyones-a-Critic-2327696304154655/ Listen to the other great shows on our network: https://xraypod.com/ As Tommy Wiseau once signed my copy of The Room: "be goods."
In today's season premiere, Jess decides to Yelp It on a Mountain, while I take us on a much needed trip, JUST LIKE THE OLD DAYS. :'( If you're new to the show, welcome! If you enjoy the show and decide to stay, please share it! We love that stuff, and we love to hear from folks, too:  Join us for game nights: twitch.tv/criticeveryone Yell at us: foreveracritic@gmail.com Tweet at us: @CriticEveryone Allow conspiracies to fester with us: Facebook Fan Page: https://www.facebook.com/Everyones-a-Critic-2327696304154655/ Listen to the other great shows on our network: https://xraypod.com/ As Tommy Wiseau once signed my copy of The Room: "be goods."
in today's holiday special, we're enjoying some very old pork in our favorite little book nook. If you like the show, PLEASE TELL A FRIEND? That's our advertising for the moment. Buy our shirts and cups: https://www.designbyhumans.com/shop/CriticEveryone/ Yell at us: foreveracritic@gmail.com Tweet at us: @CriticEveryone Allow conspiracies to fester with us: Facebook Fan Page: https://www.facebook.com/Everyones-a-Critic-2327696304154655/ Listen to the other great shows on our network: https://xraypod.com/ We're traveling in Tennessee. Please please drink heavily on our behalf.
ep 260 An Announcement

ep 260 An Announcement

2023-08-1607:09

Thank you so much for every listen throughout the years. Change isn't easy. We love all of you and have loved every moment of making this silly, wonderful, obnoxious show. Every time you read a funny review in the wild, hear an out of context kazoo, or find yourself laughing at the inevitable heat death of the universe, let it remind you of us.   Take care of each other, make each other laugh. J and J
In today's episode, a cohost yawns at her cohost, a boy kicks a cow too hard, and Barbie goes mutton busting. If you like the show, PLEASE TELL A FRIEND? That's our advertising for the moment.  Our favorite music in one messy (awesome) pile-up: https://tidal.com/browse/playlist/588a3c9d-cf2f-42fc-9663-5448730033b9 Buy our shirts and cups: https://www.designbyhumans.com/shop/CriticEveryone/ Yell at us: foreveracritic@gmail.com Tweet at us: @CriticEveryone Allow conspiracies to fester with us: Facebook Fan Page: https://www.facebook.com/Everyones-a-Critic-2327696304154655/ Hello world!  
Ecclesiastical!  If you like the show, PLEASE TELL A FRIEND? That's our advertising for the moment.  Our favorite music in one messy (awesome) pile-up: https://tidal.com/browse/playlist/588a3c9d-cf2f-42fc-9663-5448730033b9 Buy our shirts and cups: https://www.designbyhumans.com/shop/CriticEveryone/ Yell at us: foreveracritic@gmail.com Tweet at us: @CriticEveryone Allow conspiracies to fester with us: Facebook Fan Page: https://www.facebook.com/Everyones-a-Critic-2327696304154655/ Hello world!  
We didn't realize until after we stopped recording that the Cheez Whiz eaten in today's program was two weeks past its sell-by date. I bought it at a Kroger, and like, yeah sell-by dates are kind of dumb sometimes, but like, what? How? If you like the show, PLEASE TELL A FRIEND? That's our advertising for the moment.  Our favorite music in one messy pile-up: https://tidal.com/browse/playlist/588a3c9d-cf2f-42fc-9663-5448730033b9 Buy our shirts and cups: https://www.designbyhumans.com/shop/CriticEveryone/ Yell at us: foreveracritic@gmail.com Tweet at us: @CriticEveryone Allow conspiracies to fester with us: Facebook Fan Page: https://www.facebook.com/Everyones-a-Critic-2327696304154655/ Hello world!
I know the title is supposed to be "Skating for Christ." But that isn't my new favorite phrase ever, so, what can you do. Today's show also features a grim look at airport Starbucks by someone who's connecting flight is definitely impossible. If you like the show, PLEASE TELL A FRIEND? That's our advertising for the moment.  Our favorite music in one messy pile-up:  https://tidal.com/browse/playlist/588a3c9d-cf2f-42fc-9663-5448730033b9 Buy our shirts and cups: https://www.designbyhumans.com/shop/CriticEveryone/ Yell at us: foreveracritic@gmail.com Tweet at us: @CriticEveryone Allow conspiracies to fester with us: Facebook Fan Page: https://www.facebook.com/Everyones-a-Critic-2327696304154655/
Ep 255: Carol Time.

Ep 255: Carol Time.

2023-07-0559:52

In today's show we piss, cuss, steal, and win (everybody's doing it). If you like the show, PLEASE TELL A FRIEND? That's our advertising for the moment.  Our favorite music in one messy (awesome) pile-up: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0uPjDIPt5PuItK7SzTeiUE?si=d7b3827f642341d4 https://tidal.com/browse/playlist/588a3c9d-cf2f-42fc-9663-5448730033b9 Buy our shirts and cups: https://www.designbyhumans.com/shop/CriticEveryone/ Yell at us: foreveracritic@gmail.com Tweet at us: @CriticEveryone Allow conspiracies to fester with us: Facebook Fan Page: https://www.facebook.com/Everyones-a-Critic-2327696304154655/ Hello world!
Today's episode is sponsored by the Steak & Milk diet! Eat like Daniel Plainview, die like Daniel Plainview.  If you like the show, PLEASE TELL A FRIEND? That's our advertising for the moment.  Our favorite music in one awesome pile-up: https://tidal.com/browse/playlist/588a3c9d-cf2f-42fc-9663-5448730033b9 (It's so big I have to import it to Spotify manually, and I don't) Buy our shirts and cups: https://www.designbyhumans.com/shop/CriticEveryone/ Yell at us: foreveracritic@gmail.com Tweet at us: @CriticEveryone Allow conspiracies to fester with us: Facebook Fan Page: https://www.facebook.com/Everyones-a-Critic-2327696304154655/ Hello world!
If you like the show, PLEASE TELL A FRIEND? That's our advertising for the moment.  Our favorite music in one messy (awesome) pile-up: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0uPjDIPt5PuItK7SzTeiUE?si=d7b3827f642341d4 https://tidal.com/browse/playlist/588a3c9d-cf2f-42fc-9663-5448730033b9 Buy our shirts and cups: https://www.designbyhumans.com/shop/CriticEveryone/ Yell at us: foreveracritic@gmail.com Tweet at us: @CriticEveryone Allow conspiracies to fester with us: Facebook Fan Page: https://www.facebook.com/Everyones-a-Critic-2327696304154655/ I'm desperate to own an Ovilus 3, if anyone is selling.
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Comments (3)

Marie-Hélène Riou

An excellent show for when you just need a good laugh with some great people. 5 STARS! XD

Feb 11th
Reply

Ashley

I love this show so funny! truly great if you need some extra laughs

Jun 18th
Reply

Wren

Couldn't get through more than half an episode. The hosts have a snooty vibe of superiority that brought the mood down for me to the point were I couldn't listen anymore. Good concept just not executed well.

Jun 14th
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