Unbreakable You: Breakup Without Being Broken

The majority of my listeners and clients are women. Many people think this is by choice and that I market specifically to women. That’s actually not the case. My theory as to why I have fewer male clients is that men often suffer in silence, especially when they are dealing with a narcissistic spouse or partner. In my opinion, female narcissists can be far more covert and manipulative than male narcissists. Women can be verbally and emotionally abusive to men, but our culture often keeps us from believing that a man can be a victim. This can make men ashamed to talk about their struggles and seek help. Men deserve all of the support and resources available to have a healthy and less traumatic divorce and we must help them get there. Episode Highlights:Men and women have the same emotions about divorce and breakups, they just tend to manifest differently Why men tend to be more isolated during divorce than women Why being the nice guy often fails How to spot your codependency in a relationshipAbout Jude Sandvall:Jude Sandvall, also known as The Divorced Dadvocate, has made it his life’s mission to connect men who are going through divorce with the resources they need to feel supported, be healthy, and thrive. His work helps men navigate their lives when it comes to issues like legal challenges, parenting skills, co-parenting, and dating with kids.Jude is a divorced, single father of three children. As an Integrative Wellness & Life Transformation Coach and Integrative NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) Practitioner, he uses cutting-edge approaches to coach fathers. He assists dads with creating a vision for their lives after divorce and uncovering hidden challenges that may be sabotaging them. Jude has a podcast called The Divorced Dadvocate and a website by the same name. You can take his Divorce Quiz to see how you compare to others going through the challenges of divorce. Divorced Dadvocate WebsiteDivorce QuizThe Divorced Dadvocate podcast

How many times a day do you find your inner critic getting in the way of your success, dreams, or relationships? Are you even aware of how much it sabotages your authentic self from rising and thriving in your life? Today I am talking all about the inner critic with Leadership Expert, Maureen Ross Gemme.Episode Highlights:Maureen’s unique approach to inner critic management begins with giving a name to your inner critic voice  Some of the ways the inner critic shows up in our livesWhat to do when the inner critic shows up during times of reinvention Why it is important to have an internal and external support systemMaureen’s 5-step process for managing your inner criticPlan for the obstacles, and also, plan for the fun things

I have come to think of Mother’s day like Valentine’s Day. It has so much hype and hope, coupled with all the social media posts we see of happy people, happy couples, or happy families doing their thing… to me, Mother’s day is a huge setup for disappointment and hurt.  In this episode, I share how this year’s Mother’s Day was heartbreaking, and the lesson I learned in overcoming the pain. It’s a short but sweet episode, aimed to keep things real and recognize all you moms out there, who aren’t always recognized.  

The most common question I get from my clients or readers is, “What if I'm the narcissist?” This is a question wrought with fear. And it often comes from the actual narcissist, accusing you of being a narcissist.  If you think you're a narcissist, then that means you are concerned about other people's feelings, as well as questioning your own behavior and taking accountability for it. This is the exact opposite of how a narcissist thinks and operates.  Your biggest problem with a narcissist isn’t worrying if you are one, but instead, it's how you think of them, how you see them, and mostly how you see yourself. In this episode, I break down how you view the narcissist in your life may be working against you and what you can do instead.  Thinking like a narcissist does not mean you are one. But it does mean you are no longer stuck in a frenzied, scared mindset.  Episode Highlights: Why you must stop fearing what a narcissist says, does, or thinks of you The importance of breaking down the illusions and thought distortions we once used to survive our childhood or past traumas The reason you must see a narcissist as a squirrel and not as a bear  How a narcissist sees you, is ultimately how you see you A narcissist is terrified to be seen as who they really are, but so are you

“When you take away the illusions and defenses you had to deal with growing up, the path to authenticity becomes very clear” -Dion, Breakup Breakthrough graduate. Rarely do I get the chance to interview men who have overcome narcissistic abuse, because so few like to openly talk about it. But this week, I’m honored to have you meet Dion, my client and recent Breakup Breakthrough graduate, who shares his rise out of an abusive marriage and finding a life filled with peace and joy.   Dion found me after realizing therapy took him as far as he could go. Yet he still had questions about why he continued to fall into similar patterns of toxicity. He knew something needed to change within himself but didn’t know what. Through our work together, he has been able to discover remarkable changes in his life, relationships, and his newfound passion for novel writing.   He shares his new skill of recognizing his wounded child’s thoughts and how he “short circuits”  them by stepping into his true reality. I hope you are inspired by Dion’s strength and resiliency, as much as I am!   Episode Highlights:Dion shares his experience of being in a 12-year toxic marriageHow the severity of depression led him to therapy and ultimately my programDion explains how when you face your childhood trauma and how it shaped you, coupled with a knowledge that your emotions are generated within yourself, a huge light bulb goes on, and it's truly liberatingWhen we expose our ego states and rediscover the authentic self, profound changes happen in all areas of life including love, relationships, and careersHis realization that when we learn to regulate our emotions, we can model those behaviors to our children as wellDion offers some advice for men who are experiencing or think they may be experiencing abuse

Today I’m sharing an unbelievable story about a miracle that happened in my life and its message of forgiveness. I share my experience in hopes that you can find a piece of my story that is relatable to you and your life.  In order to understand the present, I first need to take you back to the past. In this episode, I detail the traumatic event that happened when I was six years old and how it resurfaced in 2020, in more ways than one! The moment I was able to accept not knowing the truth about my past and forgive those involved, was precisely when the truth showed up.  This story is a testament that when we heal, miracles happen. Episode Highlights:My story of realizing that unresolved trauma made my life dysfunctional and unmanageable. A surprising revelation: When I began to unravel my trauma, I discovered hidden anger that was the source of what held me back The miraculous story of how I finally learned the version of the story I’ve been searching for, for over 40 years. 

You may have heard of law of attraction principles such as “like attracts like,” or whatever you think, you will get. It’s that simple, right?  No, it’s not. Most law of attraction books and teachings skip over something extremely important: how the traumatized brain is in exact conflict of the laws we want to attract. In this episode, I explore how the ego, conscious mind, and subconscious mind coupled with trauma can impact (or even sabotage) the things we want to attract into our lives.I have spent years reading books on positive thinking and manifesting, only to find that I would always default back into my old thinking patterns. I would give up on Law of Attraction altogether.  Once I learned the tools to unravel my adapted self, and was finally able to step into my authentic self, I saw a massive shift in my thinking. Which in turn impacted my life in a positive way. The fact of the matter is this: you attract who you are, not what want.Episode Highlights: Thoughts have a high or low frequency depending on how positive or negative they are.In the mind of a traumatized brain, any change is seen as a threat, which is in exact conflict with the laws we want to attractHow your ego is the gatekeeper of your conscious mindYour ego is not in charge of your actual survival, it just thinks it is. So, you have to heal your trauma in order to tell your ego you’ve got this!When you are able to safely expose your trauma and heal from it, you can use it for your benefit and not your detriment. Then and only then are you able to attract what you want.The episode ends with a self-realization exercise to help you understand how your ego may be sabotaging you.Click HERE to apply for my Breakup Breakthrough program.  I can't wait to hear from you!

Today we are going to talk about the authentic self versus the adapted self and how each type affects the way in which you show up in the world.  The authentic self is your innate being, your inner knowing. It encompasses your earliest thoughts, likes and dislikes, your passions, and your capabilities. Think of your authentic self as the way you shine for all to see.  The adapted self is the opposite. When your personality begins to develop around the age of four or five, you must learn how to thrive or survive within the family system in which you were raised. You bend, and therefore, adapt in order to survive. This is your adapted self and can dim the brightest parts of who you are and are meant to be.   You might be surprised to hear how much you operate from your adapted self versus your authentic self. In this episode, I share a personal story about the development of my adapted self. I then share how later, as an adult, I began to live life from my authentic self and how when doing so, things began to align in the greatest possible way.  As you listen to my story, I invite you to look inward and ask, “What part of me adapted to be the person I am today and why?” And then ask, “How can I move into alignment with my authentic self?”  Episode Highlights: When we start to depart from our authentic selves and start taking on a role that is larger than who we are; we lose a huge part of our innocence. We all have subconscious marching orders that we gain to survive and thrive in our familial household. The people and events in our lives are vibrationally matching our adapted selves versus our authentic selves. When you move further apart from who you are, you will see the effects in two main areas of your life: your romantic partnerships and your professional life. Returning to self means being one with your divine purpose and your authentic self. 

This week we’re going deep into childhood traumas and how it affects your relationships. A few weeks ago, I was invited by my dear friend and colleague, Jennifer Hurvitz, to join her on her podcast, Doing Relationships Right.  The episode turned out great and Jennifer gave me permission to broadcast it on my channel so you can benefit from it too. You have heard me talk a lot about childhood trauma in previous episodes, and it's something that's near and dear to my heart. It is also a huge centerpiece of my coaching. In fact, unresolved trauma is the root cause of so many of our relationship problems.  In this episode, I break down the big T's and little T's of trauma and how even a small childhood event can alter your self-worth so much that it can have long-term damaging effects in your adult life.  Episode Highlights: The definition of trauma and what happens when we experience it.  The big T’s and little T’s of trauma, plus the covertness of little T trauma. Some signs that you may still dealing with unresolved trauma from your past.  How you can work to heal childhood trauma and find the authentic child within.  

Narcissistic abuse is a heavy topic. It takes a special person to go into the hard discussions that many people don’t really want to talk about, and that is where Tracy Malone comes in. She takes on the nuanced difficulties of narcissistic abuse. She helps victims learn the strategies needed to get through divorce and move on to being “sur-thrivers.” In this episode, Tracy joins Lindsey to discuss narcissistic abuse and divorce.  Tracy is an internationally recognized expert on emotional abuse, narcissistic personality disorder, covert narcissists, divorcing a narcissist, co-parenting, gaslighting, co-dependency, people-pleasing, boundaries, and how to heal after emotional abuse. She is also the author of Divorcing Your Narcissist: You Can’t Make This Shit Up.  Listen in as Lindsey and Tracy offer insight and advice on how to successfully divorce a narcissist. Episode Highlights: Some of the challenges and mistakes victims face when divorcing a narcissist.  Why knowing what battles to fight is so important.  What kind of lawyer you should hire when divorcing a narcissist - a bulldog lawyer, another narcissist, or an empathetic lawyer?  The gray areas of a divorce decree and why laying everything out, in the beginning, will help you to narc-proof co-parenting plans and more.  Tracy offers this reminder, “You will be okay - even if you’ve lost everything.” 

Late last summer, Michelle was in the middle of court negotiations with a high-conflict narcissist and she was in a toxic relationship post-divorce, but desperate to get out. Before she found me on my podcast, she was stressed out and could hardly focus on her life and young daughter.But Michelle made the best investment of her life by enrolling in my signature Breakup Breakthrough coaching program. And after just 8 weeks, she had such a remarkable outcome, I knew I had to bring her on my show!She has healed from childhood spiritual trauma, broke free of two toxic relationships, divorced a narcissist, and is finally in recovery from love addiction. I hope our conversation offers inspiration to those who might be struggling with moving on from someone, getting a divorce, or even dealing with a narcissist.  Listen in to hear Michelle’s empowering journey of transformation.Episode Highlights: Michelle shares some of her relationship struggles including divorcing a narcissist and toxic relationshipsHow being unkind, feeling unworthy, and distrust of self spiderwebbed into many areas of her life. Later she shares how she learned the importance of extending forgiveness and compassion to herselfThe effects on the authentic child when someone else’s belief system or narrative is forced upon themHow Michelle was able to process the layers of family system abuse without holding anger or shame toward her parents.  She also explains how she made peace with spirit and higher powerThe steps Michelle took to end her toxic relationship with “Chad”Lessons learned from divorcing and co-parenting with a narcissist--->  If you're inspired by Michelle's journey and are interested in having your own Breakup Breakthrough, go HERE to learn more and apply!

In theory, boundaries sound like an easy thing, but we all struggle with honoring them. When we don’t have healthy boundaries with ourselves or with other people, we are setting ourselves up for failure in our relationships at work, with family, with siblings, and even with romantic partners. To discuss how to honor and navigate boundaries like a boss, Lindsey is joined by leading boundaries expert, Terri Cole. Together, Lindsey and Terri discuss how cultural upbringing influences boundaries, how ineffective boundaries can wreak havoc on relationships, and the importance of daily actions of self-love. Take a listen to see where your boundaries might be skewed and determine what actions you might be able to take in order to finally talk true, be seen, and live free. I hope you enjoy this episode. Episode Highlights: Today’s boundaries epidemic and why women, specifically, struggle with boundaries so much. Terri explains high-functioning co-dependency, why it is unhealthy, and how it messes up your internal peace (and potentially the peace of others).  How to create and enforce better self-protection boundaries with friends or family members who are energy vampires. Boundary destroyers and why the normal rules of boundary engagement do not apply. It is our job to negotiate for our needs and share our preferences with the people in our lives. Effective versus ineffective boundaries, Terri’s Boundary Revolution, and stopping generational pain that ineffective boundaries cause.  Connect with Terri through her website, on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.  

I'm back with author Robert Jackman, who wrote the best selling book, Healing Your Inner Child. I spoke with Robert in a previous podcast (Season 3, Episode 4) about that book, and now he's back with a new book titled, Healing Your Wounded Relationship. If you are struggling with getting over a breakup, or  you're trying to repair an existing relationship, then this is the episode for you. You can find his newest book HERE - make sure you check it out! 

In this episode I talk with Dr. Don Russell who specializes in trauma and trauma treatment. We discuss how we can experience trauma in relationships, how to recover, and how to manage trauma triggers or responses. Dr. Don's Trauma Treatment Companion can be found HERE. 

If you've been cheated on or if you've been the mistress (or mister) of a cheater, then this episode is for you. I talk with Affair Recovery Coach (and former mistress) Kate London, who unveils the complicated emotions and psychology of those who are in a relationship with a married person. If you've been cheated on, you may see a lot of similarities between you and the mistresses' mind set. Take a listen!Check out Kate's website!

I took almost a year off and have written a new book where I share all the details. I also give you an update on why I took off and share personal details about all that happened, and what's new for this season. 

In this episode, I interview Board Certified Therapist Robert Jackman, author of Healing Your Lost Inner Child. When you're having an emotional response, your 5-year-old self may be protecting. That child may be waiting for a trigger to appear. As a responsible adult, you may be trying to figure out why you reacted as you did. In this fascinating conversation, Robert explains why you may be reacting a certain way and how you can heal the Inner Child and change your behavior.Robert Jackman can be found:Website: https://theartofpracticalwisdom.com/https://www.facebook.com/The-Art-of-Practical-Wisdom-106724507754215/ 

You may consider yourself a perfectionist, which may or may not be a good thing (depending on who you ask), but have you ever wondered where your perfectionism comes from? In this episode, I explore my "issues" around my own perfectionism, and how certain details of my childhood created this oh, so lovely, little trait of mine. Find out why you may be a perfectionist and what you can do to reign it in should it throw you off course. 

Hey everyone, I'm back from the dead! Actually, that is almost a literal statement. After taking a few months off, I share with you my very personal story of what happened to me this summer, and why I had to get some help. I hope my sharing can help you on whatever journey you may be on. I am back and so excited to rock a new season, with lots of new episodes and all that I have learned. Subscribe to my channel to get all the new goodies!

Lindsey interviews Dr. Alexandra Solomon, author of Taking Sexy Back about sex and sexuality. As women in our culture, we have been bombarded with messages from the outside world about who we should be, who we shouldn't be, what we should and shouldn't be doing. In this riveting episode, Lindsey & Dr. Solomon discuss how we look at sex as a society, how women can change their perspective on what 'sexy' is and what it means, and how we can feel better about their bodies. They discuss the female sex organs and how they relate to sex and the latest research on women and sexuality.This is a must-listen-to episode for all genders!Learn more about Dr. Alexandra Solomon.Mentioned in this episode:Erika Lust PhotographyMake Love Not Porn, TedX with Cindy GallopThe Beauty Myth by Renee EngleEsther Perel