Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam

If you caved one day and cracked down the next, you’re in good company. Here’s the surprise. According to child development specialist Dr. Siggie Cohen, the fix isn’t finding the perfect rule. It starts with noticing what’s happening inside you. In this episode of Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam, I talk with Dr. Siggie, author of You Are the Parent, about why parents swing between too strict and too soft, how to stay calm when your teen rolls their eyes, and how to hold your ground without losing the connection. When our teen snaps or shuts down, most of us react from fear. We push back harder, or we tiptoe around their mood to keep the peace. It makes sense. But when fear is driving, nobody’s steering the boat. The good news is that a pause, a clear instruction, and a few small moments together can help you lead with calm instead of control.   IN THIS EPISODE YOU’LL LEARN Why parents swing between too strict and too soft, and the “third path” that ends the tug of war What to do in the first five seconds after an eye roll (hint: it’s not a comeback) The one-time instruction that gets laundry folded without pleading, nagging, or a lecture Why your teen’s messy room might be pleasing them, and how fear of the future fuels control   👉 The swing between too strict and too soft is rarely about the rule. Underneath is the fear of getting it wrong, or of losing your teen altogether. What helps is a steady way to lead that keeps your teen close while you hold the line. Inside the Parenting Teens Academy, I show you how to build it step by step, and I answer your questions every day. See how it works   CHAPTERS 00:00 Why Parents Swing Between Too Soft and Too Strict 02:24 Dr. Siggie’s Third Way: Pause Instead of Fighting or Retreating 04:45 How Teens’ Growing Voices Can Feel Intimidating 07:03 Respond to Eye-Rolling with Clear, Calm Instructions 09:29 Set Aside Old Fears and Stay Grounded in the Moment 12:28 Fear About a Teen’s Future and Mental Health 16:42 Safety, Privacy, and Building Connection Instead of Control 20:40 Why Connection Is Not a Shortcut to Compliance 23:46 Manage Your Own Emotions When Family Life Gets Inconvenient 25:28 What “I’m the Parent” Means as a Self-Reminder 30:02 Measure Progress by Small Strengths, Not Just Grades 37:44 Let Teens Build Resilience Through Their Own Challenges 39:13 Start with Small Shared Moments and Realistic Expectations   CONNECT WITH DR. SIGGIE COHEN Website: drsiggie.com Instagram: @dr.siggie Book: You Are the Parent   CONNECT WITH DR. CAM CASWELL Website: AskDrCam.com Instagram: @drcamcaswell YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Parenting Teens Academy 🎧 Enjoying the show? Leave a rating and review. It helps other parents find the support they need. 🔔 Follow the show so you never miss a new episode.   ABOUT THE SHOW Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam is hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach. Each episode gives you practical strategies, expert advice, and real-world insight to build a stronger relationship with your teen. This week, plan one low-key moment with your teen, like a coffee run or a show you both like. Leave the lecture at home. Share how it went in the comments.

If the biggest fight in your house this week was about the phone, you’re in good company. Here’s the surprise. According to psychologist Dr. Peter Gray, the phone may not be what’s stressing your teen out most. In this episode of Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam, I talk with Dr. Gray, author of Restoring Childhood, about what’s driving the rise in teen anxiety, why cracking down on screens often backfires, and what helps teens grow into confident, capable adults. When we’re worried, most of us reach for more control. Tighter limits, more rules, the phone in a basket by 9 p.m. It makes sense. But when teens feel distrusted and boxed in, they push back harder or stop telling us what’s going on. The good news is that a few shifts in how you talk and how much you trust your teen can ease the tension and bring them back to you.   IN THIS EPISODE YOU’LL LEARN Why Dr. Gray believes school stress, more than smartphones, drives much of the rise in teen anxiety and depression What it means that teen mental health symptoms climb each fall and drop over summer Why restricting your teen after they share something hard teaches them to hide problems One curious question to ask instead of criticizing screen habits How small, manageable setbacks build real resilience What “apprenticeship adulthood” is and how to shift to adult-to-adult advice in the teen years “The primary task of growing up is to not need your parents anymore.” Dr. Peter Gray   👉 Screen fights are rarely about the screen. Underneath is the fear that you’re losing your teen, or that they won’t be ready for life without you. What helps is a relationship where your teen keeps talking to you and keeps growing more capable. Inside the Parenting Teens Academy, I show you how to build it step by step, and I answer your questions every day. See how it works   CHAPTERS 00:00 Introduction: Debunking the Smartphone Myth 02:14 The Research on Social Media and Mental Health 04:20 Why the US Has a Teen Anxiety Crisis 08:01 The Impact of Educational Policies like Common Core 14:01 School Stress and Its Connection to Teen Mental Health 17:59 Overdiagnosis and the Myth of Fragile Kids 21:58 Building Resilience Through Experience 27:47 Parenting as a Relationship, Not a Job 34:00 Fostering Independence in Teenagers 38:07 Chores, Responsibility, and Contributing to Family 44:02 Changing Parenting Mindsets for Better Outcomes 47:58 Conclusion: Restoring Childhood and Independence   CONNECT WITH DR. CAM CASWELL Website: AskDrCam.com Instagram: @drcamcaswell YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Parenting Teens Academy   CONNECT WITH DR. PETER GRAY Substack: Play Makes Us Human Book: Restoring Childhood   🎧 Enjoying the show? Leave a rating and review. It helps other parents find the support they need. 🔔 Follow the show so you never miss a new episode.   ABOUT THE SHOW Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam is hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach. Each episode gives you practical strategies, expert advice, and real-world insight to build a stronger relationship with your teen. This week, ask your teen, “Is there something you’d love to do that you’re not doing right now?” Then just listen. Share what they said in the comments.

Teen ignoring you mid-sentence, tuning out your reminders, or answering your whole speech with “What?” Here’s the surprise. It’s rarely disrespect, and it’s rarely about you. In this episode of Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam, I explain why teens tune parents out, why lectures backfire, and what helps your teen start listening again. Most of us respond to the blank stare by saying it again, louder and longer. And the more we repeat, the less they hear. Your teen isn’t tuning you out because they don’t love you. Something is making it hard for them to listen, and once you know what it is, you can change it. This is the final episode of my series, 7 Teen Behaviors Parents Punish That Are Actually Signs of Healthy Development. In this episode you’ll learn: The three real reasons your teen won’t listen (and why none of them is disrespect) How the developing teen brain handles stacked instructions, and why stress makes it worse Why lectures trigger self-protection in the first few seconds The 30-second rule for getting your one point across Why fewer requests make each one carry more weight How to get your teen to listen by asking one simple question first The goal isn’t to get your teen to hear every word. It’s to be the person they can hear when it counts. 👉 Shorter talks will help with the dishes. But the real fear is the day it’s not about dishes anymore. It’s a party, a car, a friend you don’t trust, and you need them to hear you. Whether they do comes down to something you build long before that moment. Inside the Parenting Teens Academy, I show you how to build it step by step, and I answer your questions every day. See how it works Chapters: 00:00 Before we start 01:03 Why your teen won’t listen 03:11 Why repeating and punishing backfire 03:57 Tuning out is healthy development 04:24 Reason 1: Overload 05:08 Reason 2: Self-defense against lectures 06:15 Reason 3: Feeling unheard 07:33 The one question to ask instead 08:06 Keep it short: the 30-second rule 09:03 Ask less 09:49 Listen first, then talk 10:30 When old habits come back 11:20 Be the voice they hear when it counts THE SERIES This episode is part of the series 7 Teen Behaviors Parents Punish That Are Actually Signs of Healthy Development. Episode 269: Attitude Episode 271: Refusing to do chores Episode 273: Arguing about everything Episode 275: Acting entitled Episode 277: Making risky and bad choices Episode 280: Keeping secrets Episode 308: Not listening (you’re here) Connect with Dr. Cam Caswell: Website: AskDrCam.com Instagram: @drcamcaswell YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Parenting Teens Academy 🎧 Enjoying the show? Leave a rating and review. It helps other parents find the support they need. 🔔 Follow the show so you never miss a new episode. About the show: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam is hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach. Each episode gives you practical strategies, expert advice, and real-world insight to build a stronger relationship with your teen. What’s one request you’re willing to let go of this week?

Middle schooler won't listen, won't cooperate, or won't get out of bed without a fight? Here's the surprise. That same kid is often engaged, funny, and working hard in a great teacher's classroom. In this episode of Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam, veteran middle school teacher Sean Kane shares what great teachers know about getting middle schoolers to cooperate, and how you can use it at home. Most of us treat the middle school years like bad weather. We keep our heads down and wait for it to pass. Sean thinks that's the biggest missed opportunity we have. After 14 years in the classroom, time as a dean of students, and raising three sons, he's seen that middle schoolers don't change because of more criticism or bigger consequences. They change when they start to feel capable. In this episode you'll learn: 1. Why your middle schooler seems like a different person, and what's going on underneath 2. How comparison and constant correction feed a deficit mindset 3. Why middle schoolers need more praise, not less 4. How to stack small wins (and why a 71% clean room is progress) 5. Why reflective questions work better than lectures 6. How to step back so your teen learns "I can figure this out"   👉 Want your middle schooler to cooperate without the daily battles? Parenting Teens Academy gives you a step-by-step plan to rebuild connection and strengthen your influence, plus you can ask me questions directly every day. Join here: https://www.skool.com/parenting-teens-academy/about   Chapters: 00:00 Why middle school is the most misunderstood age 01:12 Why Sean Kane chose to teach middle school 04:34 Puberty and the emotional side of middle school 07:18 How comparison creates a deficit mindset 10:37 What great teachers know about middle schoolers 13:33 How small wins build self-efficacy 16:07 Why praise matters more in middle school, not less 18:24 Why parents struggle to let go of punishment 21:50 Why boundaries only work with trust 24:23 Why success is the best consequence 27:04 How reflection builds self-awareness 30:07 How to stop overfunctioning for your teen 33:06 Responding to emotional and behavior struggles 36:37 How to build collaboration with your middle schooler 40:19 Why teens need to feel seen 43:12 The power of authentic connection 47:30 From punishment to relationship-based discipline 50:32 Where to find Sean Kane Resources mentioned: Dr. Shefali Tsabary's work on conscious parenting Autopilot, Sean's upcoming course: growthmindsetparenting.com Connect with Sean Kane: Website and newsletter: growthmindsetparenting.com Instagram: @growthmindsetparenting TikTok: @growthmindsetparenting Connect with Dr. Cam Caswell: Website: www.askdrcam.com Instagram: @drcamcaswell YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam 🎧 Enjoying the show? Leave a rating and review. It helps other parents find the support they need. 🔔 Follow the show so you never miss a new episode. About the show: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam is hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach. Each episode gives you practical strategies, expert advice, and real-world insight to build a stronger relationship with your teen. What's one thing your middle schooler did right this week?

When a teen gets defiant or starts with the back talk, most of us push harder. More rules, louder voice, fewer explanations. And the harder we push, the further they pull away or shut down completely. 👉 Want to stay in charge without the yelling? Inside Parenting Teens Academy, parents trade shouting for calm, earn their teen's respect, and go from walking on eggshells to enjoying their teen again. Try it free for 7 days at askdrcam.com/academy José Rolón, known as NYC Gay Dad, raised his son and twin daughters as a single dad for ten years. He's the first LGBTQ dad on the cover of Parents Latina and co-host of the Love Take Two podcast. In this episode, he shares how he stays strict and fair without the yelling.   IN THIS EPISODE, YOU'LL LEARN HOW TO: Find the one setting where a teen who won't talk finally opens up Understand the real reason your disrespectful teen goes from 0 to 100 Know what to say instead of "because I said so" when defiance hits Use the one thing that earns your teen's respect faster than stricter rules   RESOURCES MENTIONED José Rolón: @NYCGayDad Love Take Two podcast   CONNECT WITH DR. CAM CASWELL Website: AskDrCam.com Instagram: @DrCamCaswell    ABOUT THE SHOW Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam is hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach. Each episode gives you practical strategies, expert advice, and real-world insight to build a stronger relationship with your teen. ⭐ If this episode helped, share it with a parent who needs it and leave a rating and review. It helps other parents find the show. 🔔 Follow the show so you never miss an episode. Thanks for listening. See you next week! Dr. Cam