First Responder Wellness Podcast with Conrad Weaver

153 - When your Job Becomes your Identity - Rachael Stark What happens when you're performing well at work—but you're not actually doing well? Rachael Stark knows that tension firsthand. Rachael is a captain in the Army National Guard, a reserve police officer, works in policy and accreditation for a police department, and previously served as a forensic death investigator. On paper, she was successful, productive, and helping people. But underneath it all, work had slowly become her identity. She was thinking about work constantly. Dreaming about it. Carrying scenes home with her. And like many first responders, she convinced herself it was simply part of the job. In this episode of the First Responder Wellness Podcast, Rachael joins Conrad Weaver for an honest conversation about what wellness looks like before someone reaches a crisis point. They discuss the danger of confusing productivity with health, why first responders can become addicted to being needed, and how seemingly small practices—therapy, hobbies, exercise, friendships, creative outlets, and simply creating space to decompress—can help someone remain a whole person. They also dig into the responsibility of leadership. It's not enough for an agency to put an EAP number on the wall. Leaders have to model the behaviors they want their people to embrace. That means checking in, listening, creating psychological safety, acknowledging that difficult calls affect us, and demonstrating that seeking support isn't a sign of weakness. In this episode: Why being high-functioning doesn't necessarily mean you're healthy What happens when the job becomes your entire identity The warning signs Rachael initially dismissed Why she unexpectedly picked up the violin The difference between having wellness resources and creating a wellness culture Why leaders need to model healthy behavior How supervisors can build trust with their people A better way to check in than simply asking, "How are you?" Why staying constantly busy can become a form of avoidance The individual's responsibility for proactive wellness How small changes can help first responders remain whole Why Rachael believes "wellness is not weakness" Rachael's message to leaders is simple: If you want a team that's ready for the next emergency, you need people who feel safe in their environment, safe enough to be honest, and connected to an identity beyond the job. And for the first responder who isn't in crisis but knows something isn't quite right—you don't necessarily need to completely change your life. Sometimes you simply need to start making room for one outside the job. Connect with Rachael: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rachael-stark-ab14b21a7/   +++++ Join us in Frederick, MD for the Leadership & Wellness Summit Order the PTSD911 Film and Educational Toolkit here: https://ptsd911movie.com/toolkit/ Book a PTSD911 screening event: contact [email protected] Web site:  https://ptsd911movie.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ptsd911movie/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ptsd911movie/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UClQ8jxjxYqHgFQixBK4Bl0Q Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/first-responder-wellness-podcast/id1535675703 Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2wW72dLZOKkO1QYUPzL2ih The First Responder Wellness Podcast is a production of First Responder Wellness Solutions, LLC Copyright ©2026 First Responder Wellness Solutions, LLC - All rights Reserved.

PAPPA HELPLINES Active NYPD Officers: 1-888-COPS-COP (1-888-267-7267) NYPD Retirees: 1-800-599-1085 If you're struggling, don't wait until things become a crisis. Reach out.   Episode 152 - POPPA: Peer Support at the NYPD Police officers are trained to respond when everyone else is having the worst day of their lives. But where does the officer go when the person struggling is the one behind the badge? In this episode of the First Responder Wellness Podcast, Conrad Weaver talks with Thomas Hovagim and Louis Lopez from POPPA—Police Organization Providing Peer Assistance, a peer-based nonprofit organization serving NYPD officers and retirees. POPPA provides officers with something that can be difficult to find inside traditional systems: an opportunity to talk confidentially with another police officer who understands the culture, pressures, schedules, trauma, and personal costs of the profession. Tom and Louis explain what actually happens when an officer calls their helpline, why confidentiality matters so much, and how trained peers can become a bridge between a struggling officer and professional clinical care. Louis also shares his own experience recognizing that years of exposure to violence were taking a toll on him—and why he decided to seek therapy himself. The conversation explores the cumulative impact of police work: critical incidents, sleep deprivation, unhealthy coping mechanisms, relationship stress, missed family events, alcohol use, and the challenge of moving from a traumatic scene directly back into family life. Tom also shares the story of officers involved in a shooting who worked together every day afterward—but had never talked to each other about what happened until POPPA brought them together for a debriefing. Their message to officers is straightforward: "You don't have to carry this alone. Make the Damn call." Thomas Hovagim is a retired NYPD detective and currently serves as Director of POPPA Louis Lopez is an NYPD detective and POPPA Peer Support Officer.   Learn more about POPPA at https://poppanewyork.org     +++++ Join us in Frederick, MD for the Leadership & Wellness Summit Order the PTSD911 Film and Educational Toolkit here: https://ptsd911movie.com/toolkit/ Book a PTSD911 screening event: contact [email protected] Web site:  https://ptsd911movie.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ptsd911movie/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ptsd911movie/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UClQ8jxjxYqHgFQixBK4Bl0Q Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/first-responder-wellness-podcast/id1535675703 Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2wW72dLZOKkO1QYUPzL2ih The First Responder Wellness Podcast is a production of First Responder Wellness Solutions, LLC Copyright ©2026 First Responder Wellness Solutions, LLC - All rights Reserved.

141 Days: Zero Contact — When the System Fails You What happens when you’ve given decades of your life to law enforcement—and suddenly the system you trusted goes silent? Deputy Chief Rusty Myers spent 31 years in law enforcement, serving as a patrol officer, supervisor, training commander, internal affairs investigator, and leader. He understood accountability. He understood investigations. In fact, he believed strongly that Internal Affairs should protect both the integrity of the profession and the officers who serve within it. Then he became the one under investigation. After an incident involving another officer, Rusty was placed on administrative leave. He believed the facts—and his own body-camera footage—would quickly resolve the situation. Instead, he went 141 days with zero contact from his department unless he initiated it himself. The phone stopped ringing. Text messages went unanswered. He was isolated from the profession and the people who had been at the center of his life for decades. Eventually, he lost his job. And somewhere along the way, Rusty began losing himself. In this episode of the First Responder Wellness Podcast, Rusty tells the deeply personal story of an investigation that stretched into a nearly two-year battle to clear his name. But this conversation isn't primarily about proving who was right or wrong. It's about what happened to the human being caught inside the process. Rusty describes what he calls “the loop”—his mind endlessly replaying what had happened. He talks candidly about using alcohol to temporarily shut that loop off, the accumulated trauma from decades of police work that came rushing back, and the moment he realized he was checking every box on the suicide-awareness checklist he had once taught to other officers. Including the last one: He had a plan. His wife finally told him he needed help. That intervention began a journey through counseling, EMDR, faith, family, friendship, and ultimately back into law enforcement leadership. Today, Rusty is a deputy chief overseeing patrol, training, and Internal Affairs—and he's using what happened to him to change how officers are treated when they find themselves under investigation. Because accountability and compassion are not mutually exclusive. An officer may need to be removed from duty while an investigation takes place. But that doesn't mean the agency has to remove the human connection. Sometimes a phone call that simply says, “Nothing changed this week. I just wanted to check on you. Are you doing okay?” can matter more than leaders realize. In This Episode Rusty and I talk about leadership and why FTOs and frontline supervisors have such an enormous influence on agency culture; how Internal Affairs can maintain accountability without creating unnecessary fear; what prolonged investigations and administrative leave can do to an officer psychologically; why communication must continue even when leaders can't discuss the details of a case; how accumulated trauma can remain hidden until one major event breaks everything open; Rusty's journey to recognizing his own suicidal thinking and getting professional help; and why peer support needs to become part of how agencies operate—not simply a program sitting on the sidelines. We also talk about Rusty's book, Tattered: When the Blue Line Frays, and why he wrote it for the officer sitting alone wondering whether there's any way forward. One of the most important things Rusty learned is that although his leadership failed him, the entire blue line didn't. Friends showed up. His wife stood beside him. A former police officer who became his pastor walked with him. A counselor helped him unpack years of accumulated trauma. Other officers quietly kept an eye on him when he couldn't take care of himself. The line frayed. It didn't break. And Rusty's message to the officer struggling today is simple: The sun will rise tomorrow. You need to be there to see it. Connect With Rusty Book: Tattered: When the Blue Line Frays by Arthur W. Myers III Website: rusty-myers.com Rusty makes an extraordinary offer in this conversation: if you're an officer who needs the book but can't afford it, contact him. He'll find a way to get a copy into your hands. He didn't write the book to make money. He wrote it to save lives. If you or another first responder is struggling, don't fight that battle alone. Reach out to someone you trust, your peer-support team, a culturally competent mental-health professional, or a crisis resource. Asking for help may be the most important decision you make.   +++++   Need Help? We have a list of resources at www.firstresponderwellness.co/resources Order the PTSD911 Film and Educational Toolkit here: https://ptsd911movie.com/toolkit/ Book a PTSD911 screening event: contact [email protected] Web site:  https://ptsd911movie.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ptsd911movie/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ptsd911movie/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UClQ8jxjxYqHgFQixBK4Bl0Q Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/first-responder-wellness-podcast/id1535675703 Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2wW72dLZOKkO1QYUPzL2ih The First Responder Wellness Podcast is a production of First Responder Wellness Solutions, LLC Copyright ©2026 First Responder Wellness Solutions, LLC - All rights Reserved.  

150 - The Heroism and Resiliency of 9/11 - with Director, Michael Gier   Twenty-five years after September 11, 2001, we remember the nearly 3,000 lives lost, the first responders who ran toward danger, and the countless people whose lives were forever changed. But what happened after the tragedy? In this episode of the First Responder Wellness Podcast, Conrad Weaver sits down with filmmaker Michael Gier, creator of The Heroism and Resiliency of 9/11: From Tragedy to Triumph, to explore stories from September 11 that many Americans have never heard. Michael deliberately set out to make a different kind of 9/11 documentary—not simply another retelling of the attack, but a film about the extraordinary acts of courage, compassion, resilience, and unity that emerged from it. You'll hear the remarkable story of people living at the New York City Rescue Mission—some struggling with homelessness and addiction—who opened their doors to Wall Street workers fleeing the devastation. One resident, who owned only two shirts, gave one of them away to someone who had escaped covered in ash. Michael also shares the story of Federal Reserve leader Roger Ferguson and the decisions made behind the scenes to help stabilize the nation's financial system, as well as the extraordinary survival and rescue of Port Authority Police Officer Will Jimeno from beneath the rubble. But perhaps the most important part of this conversation is what happened on September 12. American flags appeared everywhere. Neighbors helped neighbors. Political affiliation, race, religion, status, and wealth suddenly seemed far less important. People saw one another as human beings who needed each other. That leads to a question worth asking 25 years later: Why does it take tragedy to remind us that we belong to each other? Michael also connects the resilience of 9/11 survivors to the personal "ground zeros" people experience today—loss, illness, financial crisis, relationship breakdown, trauma, and adversity. Their stories don't tell us recovery is easy. They remind us that it is possible. This episode is about remembering 9/11—but it's also about remembering what happened next and asking whether we can recover some of that same courage, compassion, connection, and resilience today.   Learn more about the film: https://heroismandresiliency.com/   +++++   Need Help? We have a list of resources at www.firstresponderwellness.co/resources Order the PTSD911 Film and Educational Toolkit here: https://ptsd911movie.com/toolkit/ Book a PTSD911 screening event: contact [email protected] Web site:  https://ptsd911movie.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ptsd911movie/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ptsd911movie/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UClQ8jxjxYqHgFQixBK4Bl0Q Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/first-responder-wellness-podcast/id1535675703 Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2wW72dLZOKkO1QYUPzL2ih The First Responder Wellness Podcast is a production of First Responder Wellness Solutions, LLC Copyright ©2026 First Responder Wellness Solutions, LLC - All rights Reserved.    

149 - Leadership Is Wellness: Four Conversations Every First Responder Should Hear Leadership and wellness are not separate conversations. In this special edition of the First Responder Wellness Podcast, Conrad Weaver shares highlights from the first four episodes of the brand-new First Responder Leadership Podcast—featuring conversations with Chris Cowan, Jason Yerkovich, Kristen Ziman, and Max Gomez. These leaders come from different backgrounds and experiences, but their stories point to the same truth: healthy leaders help create healthy teams. Chris Cowan shares how the line-of-duty death of one of his officers changed the way he thinks about leadership, significance, and what it means to live a legacy. Jason Yerkovich challenges one of the most common responses in the first responder world—“I’m fine”—and talks about the importance of self-awareness, ownership, and doing the work required to become healthier. Former Police Chief Kristen Ziman reflects on leading through a mass shooting and realizing that while she had worked hard to provide mental-health resources for her officers, she wasn’t taking her own advice. Her lesson is one every leader needs to hear: you have to put the mask on yourself before you can take care of everyone else. And Max Gomez shares the moment he realized the job was changing him and forced him to confront a powerful question: Who am I becoming? This episode is a preview of the kinds of conversations you’ll hear regularly on the First Responder Leadership Podcast—conversations about leadership, culture, emotional intelligence, wellness, resilience, personal responsibility, and becoming the leader your people deserve. Listen to the First Responder Leadership Podcast The new show is now live. Listen on Apple Podcasts YouTube Listen to the full conversations with Chris Cowan, Jason Yerkovich, Kristen Ziman, and Max Gomez—and subscribe so you don’t miss the leadership conversations still to come. Because leadership doesn’t begin with everyone else. It begins with you.     +++++ Need Help? We have a list of resources at www.firstresponderwellness.co/resources Order the PTSD911 Film and Educational Toolkit here: https://ptsd911movie.com/toolkit/ Book a PTSD911 screening event: contact [email protected] Web site:  https://ptsd911movie.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ptsd911movie/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ptsd911movie/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UClQ8jxjxYqHgFQixBK4Bl0Q Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/first-responder-wellness-podcast/id1535675703 Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2wW72dLZOKkO1QYUPzL2ih The First Responder Wellness Podcast is a production of First Responder Wellness Solutions, LLC Copyright ©2026 First Responder Wellness Solutions, LLC - All rights Reserved.