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Aaron and Jenna have been married for over a decade and love talking to people about their relationships, the messiness, the struggle and the victories in all of it. If you're married or planning on it, you can expect 1) Tools for the growth of your marriage and you personally 2) Hope for a healthy marriage no matter what you've experienced up to this point 3) Laughter and comfort when you say, "That's totally us!" and "We've been there!"
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127 Episodes
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In this episode of Marriage Lab, Erin and Jenna dive into the do’s and don’ts of processing with your spouse—how to share what’s on your heart in a way that invites care instead of conflict. From everyday recaps to high-stakes conversations, they unpack why intentionality matters, how to check for capacity, and why leading with emotions creates connection. Along the way, they share practical “dos” like focusing on feelings, clarifying expectations, and processing elsewhere first—and the “don’...
Think you’ve forgiven… but still feel stuck? You’re not alone. Most of us were never taught what real forgiveness looks like—just the performance of it. Say a prayer. Say the words. Move on. Except… we don’t. This episode will shift your view of forgiveness from a moment to a movement—one that actually sets you free. 👇 We’ll cover: • The sneaky ways we fake forgiveness (without knowing it) • 6 reflection questions to assess where you really are • Tiny habits that rewire your br...
Some pain cuts deeper than others—not because it hurts more, but because it feels true. In this episode, we unpack the kind of pain that doesn’t just bruise your feelings, it hits your identity. We explore three subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways this happens: • When someone says it outright • When they imply it • When you infer it And then the spiral begins: – You feel like you have to prove your worth – You obsess over how they see you – You shut down, because it felt...
Offense Isn’t Just Pain: It’s Pain + Pride We often think being offended is just another form of hurt—but it’s more than that. Offense is what happens when pain gets tangled with pride. It’s the moment pain hardens into judgment, and we start to feel powerful… while quietly becoming more closed off. In this episode, we unpack how offense feels like a defense mechanism—but actually keeps us stuck. You’ll learn how offense hijacks your brain’s ability to heal, why it loops like a highlight r...
What if evangelism wasn’t about striving—but about overflow? In this special episode, I sit down with a few of my friends fresh off a missions trip to unpack what actually cracked the code for us when it came to sharing Jesus. Spoiler: it wasn’t a strategy—it was being so connected to the Father’s heart that love naturally led the way. We talk about what surprised us, what challenged us, and how everyday evangelism becomes possible when we’re moved—not pressured—by love. Get my Habi...
What if the “peace” you’re protecting in your marriage… is actually costing you real connection? In this episode, we’re unpacking how passivity can disguise itself as love—especially in Christian marriages. We’ve seen it in our own relationship: moments when silence looked like patience, but it was actually fear. Times when we avoided conflict, convinced we were being kind or godly, but bitterness was the fruit. We explore: Why passivity is not the same as peacekeepingHow we can accidentall...
What do you get when you mix a paddleboard, high expectations, and two humans with emotions? Definitely not the relaxing date we envisioned. But maybe... a deeper kind of win? This was not our best date… but maybe it was one of our best recoveries. We went on a paddleboard date thinking it’d be relaxing and fun—but being stuck on the same board triggered us both in different ways. Instead of letting the day spiral, we each practiced managing our own emotions without blaming the other.&n...
In this episode, we’re tackling a subtle but serious issue in marriage: isolation. What happens when your spouse becomes your only source of connection? Spoiler: it doesn’t lead to thriving. We talk about: Why consistent, same-gender friendships are crucial—especially for accountability, encouragement, and emotional healthHow couples slowly drift into “island mode” without realizing itThe specific ways isolation often impacts men vs. womenWhy expecting your spouse to meet all your relational...
🎉 It’s our 16th anniversary, and apparently our marriage is now old enough to get its driver’s license. 😅 But let’s be real— Even after 16 years, date night convo doesn’t always flow naturally (especially when we’re tired or parenting has fried our brains). So we decided to change that. 💬 In this episode, we: Answer 16 intentional + fun questions—one for each year we’ve been marriedShare laughs, real talk, and a few surprise answersInvite you to ask the same questions on your next date ...
Not all breakthroughs come in a flash. In this episode, we talk about the kind of transformation that happens slowly—over months or even years. The kind you don’t always see until you look back and realize, we’re not where we used to be. We fully believe in sudden miracles. We’ve seen God move in dramatic ways. But in our own marriage, most of the lasting change has come through showing up when things felt stuck… choosing connection in the face of apathy… and staying present when it wou...
In this episode, we talk about the often-overlooked rhythm of re-entry—what it looks like when one spouse returns from a trip and the home dynamic shifts again. We share how we’ve learned to treat that adjustment period with extra care, tweak our habits, and give each other grace instead of expecting a seamless snap-back to normal. If you’ve ever had a rocky re-entry, this one’s for you. You just might walk away with a few new habits to try next time one of you heads out on...
Birthdays—love them or dread them, they can be a surprisingly tense topic in marriage. 🎂 From unspoken expectations to last-minute letdowns, these special days often carry more emotional weight than we realize. In this episode, we’re diving into the highs and lows of celebrating birthdays with your spouse, sharing our own birthday wins and major misses over the years. You’ll hear about: ✅ The silent pressure & expectations that often ruin birthdays ✅ Why no one should be the d...
In this episode, we’re tackling the hidden ways we sabotage our own connection in marriage—especially when we expect our spouse to read our minds. No matter what it is, waiting for them to magically meet our unspoken needs is a passive approach that creates distance instead of intimacy. We’ll explore why taking the risk to express what we truly need leads to deeper belonging, even when it feels vulnerable. Join us as we break down how to move past the fear of rejection and start building the ...
In this episode, we talk about our respective styles of processing how we are feeling. Aaron is an external processor, needing to externalize what's he's feeling in order to understand it. Jenna is an internal processor, needing time to internally mull over what she's feeling in order to understand it. These two different styles can make conflict unnecessarily difficult unless you know how to work with them. We'll share the growth paths for each to avoid the common pitfalls in relationship. ...
In this episode, we continue our conversation about changing how we show up in conflict by focusing on the choice we have in how we respond to our spouse’s pain. When your spouse shares hurt, are you holding out your compassion cup, or are you holding out your identity cup? We explore how defensiveness often signals that we’re interpreting their pain through the lens of our own identity and fears, rather than listening with genuine compassion. The truth is, we can only find our identity in Go...
Most people use Courtroom tactic when in conflict in their marriage or in other relationships. In this episode we unpack why this strategy is ineffective for real transformation. We get stuck "lawyering up" and end up adding pain to the initial incident. In this episode, we talk about where the real power is for transforming your marriage. It's found in the counter-intuitive grace and mercy in the Kingdom and out of the courtroom. Do you really believe The Kingdom Jesus pi...
This episode is the third in a series on being triggered. So what do we do when our spouse is triggered? Well, we certainly don't tell them they're triggered. That never helps. Instead we get to offer our own peace and calm as we approach them with curiosity and compassion. And when we know we won't have that available to give, we use the "pause" that we would've agreed to back when we were both in a regulated state. Link to Order of Operation Episode Get my Habit Reboot E-Course! Support...
Following up the last episode titled, "The Science of 'Triggered'", we talk about what the four most common triggered responses are (Fight, Flight, Freeze & Fawn), what they look like in action and ultimately what growth and healing looks like Get my Habit Reboot E-Course! Support the show ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- >>> Become a sponor of our shows <<< This helps Jenna & Aaron to co...
"Triggered" has become a buzzword in our culture in recent and it's been commonly used to describe an experience for which someone else is responsible and therefore someone else's responsibility to manage. In this episode, we break down the science of what's happening physiologically when we get triggered and the truth about what we're invited to into when it happens, especially in relationship to our spouses. Our self-awareness around our own triggered states is the first step ...
In this episode we talk about how our connection with Jesus has grown and been shaped over the past year through small, consistent action. How to Build a Bible Habit That Sticks! - Video Crisis of Faith episode - Marriage Lab Get my Habit Reboot E-Course! Support the show ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- >>> Become a sponor of our shows <<< This helps Jenna & Aaron to continue to be able to ...
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