Claim OwnershipConversations on Sex, Addiction, and Relationships
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Wendy Conquest, Dan Drake, Jeanne Vattuone, and Tim Stein invite guests to join an ongoing conversation about sex, addiction, and relationships. Wendy, Dan, Jeanne, and Tim are experts in the fields of sex addiction, betrayal trauma, and trauma resolution.
225 Episodes
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What happens when a betrayed partner is told that their trauma is detrimental to an addict’s recovery?
In this discussion, we unpack why this perspective is outdated, harmful, and rooted in misunderstanding.
We explore the difference between sobriety and true recovery, how shame resiliency plays a role, and why betrayal trauma responses are valid—not intentional attempts to sabotage healing. Recovery requires accountability, empathy, and facing reality, not avoidance.
Key insights in this video:
- Why betrayal trauma is not detrimental, but a natural trauma response
- The difference between recovery vs. sobriety in addiction healing
- How shame resiliency supports accountability and growth
- Why outdated therapeutic advice can harm both the addict and the betrayed partner
- The importance of seeing trauma responses as unintentional, not blame-worthy
Healing is not about avoiding the mirror that a partner holds up—it’s about learning to face it, accept responsibility, and build resilience. Both individuals deserve support and accurate, trauma-informed guidance to move toward real recovery.
#BetrayalTrauma #AddictionRecovery #ShameResilience #TraumaHealing #SobrietyVsRecovery #RelationshipHealing #AccountabilityInRecovery #HealingJourney
In this episode, Tabitha Westbrook talks and sexual abuse within the church, childhood and with being married to a sex addict. She weaves neuroscience, embodiment, and story into her work with survivors of betrayal trauma and sexual harm. Tabitha shares why understanding your nervous system, connecting with your body, and reclaiming your voice are essential steps in the healing journey.
This episode explores:
- How trauma lives in the nervous system
- The power of naming your story
- Reclaiming pleasure and body connection after betrayal
This conversation is especially powerful for survivors of betrayal trauma, therapists seeking integrative models, and anyone longing to feel safe in their body again.
#TraumaHealing #NeuroscienceOfTrauma #BetrayalTrauma #TabithaWestbrook #StoryAndHealing #SomaticTherapy #ReligiousTrauma #ChristianTherapist #WomenHealing #EmbodiedHealing
How do you begin healing from trauma especially when self-hatred feels like second nature?
In this honest and hopeful episode, Dan Drake, Tim Stein, Jeannie Vattoune and guest Tabitha Westbrook speak directly to survivors at the beginning of their healing journey. They explore what it means to show kindness to yourself, how deeply harmful theology can distort your self-worth, and how to take small, meaningful steps toward believing you are lovable and valuable, whether you're faith-based or not.
Topics include:
- How trauma teaches self-abuse—and how to challenge it
- The importance of kindness and self-compassion early in recovery
- Using affirmations and "opposite action" from DBT to shift how you feel
- Why distorted theology can damage identity, and how to reclaim truth
- The power of body posture and presence in reinforcing your worth
- Encouragement for survivors wrestling with faith, shame, and healing
This is one of the most grounding, relatable episodes for anyone beginning the work of trauma recovery and rebuilding their sense of self.
#TraumaHealing #SelfCompassion #TabithaWestbrook #SexualTraumaRecovery #FaithAndHealing #DBT #OppositeAction #ChristianTherapist #ReligiousTrauma #IdentityHealing
How do you start a conversation about sex and trauma in the church—one that feels safe, honest, and healing?
In this powerful episode, therapist and author Tabitha Westbrook shares the surprising origin of her new book on sexuality and healing for survivors of trauma. What started as a single teaching session at a retreat turned into a book that gives language to the experiences many survivors never thought they could say out loud. Tabitha reflects on writing from her own story, the importance of compassion over condemnation, and how she hopes this work opens doors—for faith-based women, pastors, and even those outside the church.
This episode covers:
- Why survivors need more than a retreat—they need resources
- How her book is giving voice to hidden stories
- What makes it safe for women in the church to talk about sexuality
-- How the faith-based framework is used (without Bible-thumping)
- Why even secular readers can benefit from the book’s insights
- Addressing spiritual abuse and harmful messaging head-on
- Using neuroscience and embodied practices in healing work
Whether you're a ministry leader, a therapist, or someone on your own healing journey, this conversation offers a compassionate, grounded path to understanding and restoring your sexuality.
#TabithaWestbrook #SexualHealing #ChristianTherapist #TraumaRecovery #FaithAndSexuality #ReligiousTrauma #WomenInTheChurch #HealingJourney #BodySoulHealedAndWhole #Neuroscience
How has purity culture in evangelical Christianity shaped views on lust, sex addiction, and shame and what needs to change?
In this powerful conversation with Tabitha Westbrook we unpack how distorted teachings about lust and responsibility create division between men and women in the church. They discuss the deep harm these messages cause, the rising incidence of addictive behaviors, and the urgent need for the church to evolve.
Key topics include:
- Misconceptions about lust, sin, and personal responsibility
- The impact of purity culture on men’s addiction and women’s shame
- Signs of hopeful change, including important voices and research challenging the status quo
- Why honest conversations about sexuality and trauma are vital for healing
- Resources like the Sexual Integrity Leadership Summit for providers and communities
If you or someone you love is navigating recovery in a faith context, this episode offers compassionate insights and a call for growth and transformation.
#PurityCulture #SexAddiction #EvangelicalChurch #ShameAndHealing #FaithAndRecovery #SexualIntegrity #TraumaHealing #AddictionRecovery
We will be exploring the language around binge/purge cycles, acting in versus acting out, and the idea of switching addictions or the “whack-a-mole” effect.
The discussion digs into the difference between sobriety and recovery, why consistency matters, and what partners can look for when trying to determine if change is genuine.
Have a question you’d like featured in a future mailbag episode? Send it to conversations.sar@gmail.com
If you find this episode helpful, remember to like, subscribe, and share. Doing so helps others discover these conversations and find the support they need.
#BingePurgeAddiction #SexAddictionRecovery #BetrayalTrauma #WhackAMoleAddiction #ActingInVsActingOut #DryDrunk #EmotionalRecovery #PartnerSupport #AddictionEducation #TraumaHealing #CompulsiveBehaviors
They haven’t acted out in a while but is it recovery… or just the purge phase?
In this episode, Dan Drake Jeanne Vattuone and Tim Stein take on a powerful listener's question about the binge-purge subtype of sex addiction. When someone stops their acting out behavior for long stretches of time, it can look like sobriety but is it actually recovery, or just a temporary pause in the addiction cycle?
The discussion explores what binge-purge really means (and how it's different from recovery, sobriety, or even cross-addiction), how to identify signs of “acting in” behaviors like emotional shutdown or passive-aggressiveness, and why some partners still feel unsafe even when no sexual acting out is occurring.
They also discuss the “whack-a-mole” pattern of addiction and how to spot deeper patterns of compulsive coping, even when sex is off the table.
#BingePurgeAddiction #SexAddictionRecovery #BetrayalTrauma #WhackAMoleAddiction #ActingInVsActingOut #DryDrunk #EmotionalRecovery #PartnerSupport #AddictionEducation #TraumaHealing #CompulsiveBehaviors
How can you tell if someone is truly in recovery or just white-knuckling their way through another cycle of sex addiction?
In this deep and practical conversation, Dan Drake, Jeanne Vattuone and Tim Stein explore the difference between sobriety and true recovery. Sobriety is what someone doesn't do. Recovery is what they do. And that distinction makes all the difference.
Using analogies like beach balls under water, binge/purge cycles, and emotional suppression, they unpack the red flags that indicate when someone might be suppressing behaviors rather than healing and what it actually looks like when someone is leaning into recovery with vulnerability, honesty, and consistent action.
If you're watching someone go through the motions and wondering, “Is this the real thing?” this episode will help you clarify the signs.
#AddictionRecovery #BetrayalTrauma #SobrietyVsRecovery #WhiteKnuckling #SexAddictionHelp #RelapsePrevention #RecoveryJourney #TraumaHealing #RelationshipSupport #SpiritualRecovery #12Steps #BoundariesInRecovery
How do you measure trust after betrayal and how much is enough to stay?
In this honest and practical conversation, Dan Drake, Tim Stein and Jeanne Vattuone explore the “continuum of trust” and how partners can assess where they are and what they need after betrayal trauma. They break down how both the partner and the addict play a role in rebuilding what’s been lost.
This episode is packed with clinical wisdom and tangible steps for those navigating the rocky path of recovery, relapse, and reconnection.
#BetrayalTrauma #AddictionRecovery #RelapseAutopsy #TrustAfterBetrayal #CouplesHealing #SexAddictionRecovery #RelationshipRecovery #TraumaHealing #FindingTheWayThrough #RebuildingTrust
What really happens the moment after betrayal shatters your world?
In this powerful episode, Rebecca Crews reflects on what life looks like 15 years after D‑Day, the moment everything she thought she knew came crashing down. She shares how her intuition refused to be silenced, the sleepless night that led to truth, and how it felt to have her entire reality suddenly split in two.
This is a raw and reflective look at betrayal trauma: the chaos, the unraveling, and the unexpected wisdom that comes from deep betrayal. Rebecca opens up about how her body knew long before her mind caught up and what it means to reclaim your voice after devastation.
#BetrayalTrauma #Dday #MarriageRecovery #Infidelity #WomensWisdom #Intuition #HealingJourney #PostTraumaticGrowth #RebeccaCrews #TerryCrews #RelationshipHealing #FaithAfterBetrayal #SexAddiction
What happens when your gut screams at you that something is seriously wrong and you're finally brave enough to listen?
In this gripping episode, Rebecca Crews shares the night everything unraveled. It was February 10, 2010, what they now call D‑Day. Her husband, Terry Crews, was on set across the country. One unanswered call turned into a sickening gut feeling, and by morning, a marriage-shattering confession.
From prophetic intuition to years of hidden pain, this episode pulls back the curtain on the moment betrayal came to light. Rebecca describes the rage that surfaced, the sudden knowing that something was deeply wrong, and how an ordinary Friday night call became the beginning of a total life transformation.
Rebecca walks us through the first chaotic phase of betrayal trauma, offering a powerful lens into the early hours of discovery and the raw emotional aftermath that would shape the next 15 years of their life and marriage. This is not just a story of betrayal, it's a story of awakening, truth, and the first step toward deep healing.
#BetrayalDiscovery #BetrayalTrauma #MarriageAfterInfidelity #GutInstinct #PropheticWisdom #TerryCrews #RelationshipHealing #PostTraumaticGrowth #FaithAndMarriage #RebeccaCrews #SexAddiction
What happens when the person you love most becomes a stranger and then dares to change?
In this powerful and emotionally raw episode, Rebecca Crews reflects on the unraveling and rebuilding of their decades-long marriage to Terry. She shares the moment she began to believe change was possible not because of words, but because of action: Terry stepping into rehab, risking his image, and choosing vulnerability over pride.
For years, Rebecca lived with someone who was angry, withdrawn, and impossible to reach. As the layers of betrayal surfaced, what followed was a painful, unexpected shift. Terry came home as someone new, broken open, tearful, and desperate not to lose his family. If you've ever questioned whether healing is worth the fight, this story will stay with you.
#BetrayalRecovery #MarriageAfterAddiction #VulnerabilityInHealing #LongTermMarriage #EmotionalRecovery #TerryCrews #TraumaHealing #PartnerSupport #ForgivenessJourney #MarriageAfterBetrayal #Rebecca Crews #Betrayal Trauma
What does it take to stay married and truly connected for over three decades after betrayal?
In this heartfelt conversation, Rebecca Crews opens up about their 36-year marriage, her grandfather’s influence, and the deep gratitude she feels for the journey they’ve walked with sex addiction.
The discussion touches on the rollercoaster of trust, the all-or-nothing mindset often present in betrayal trauma, and the reality that healing isn't linear. Rebecca reminds us that long-term love isn’t about perfection, it’s about presence, accountability, and choosing each other through every twist and turn.
Whether you're navigating your own recovery or supporting someone else’s, this is a story of resilience, faith, and the power of showing up imperfectly, but wholeheartedly.
#BetrayalTrauma #HealingTogether #LongTermMarriage #RelationshipRecovery #EmotionalHealing #AddictionRecovery #MarriageAfterBetrayal #SpiritualHealing #LoveAndRecovery SexAddiction #RebeccaCrews #TerryCrews
In this episode, Allan Katz shares the inspiration behind his powerful workbook, Navigating the Phases of Sex Addiction Recovery. This isn’t just a guide to staying sober it’s a deep dive into what comes next: finding meaning, living with integrity, and rediscovering purpose.
Designed for those who’ve already begun their sobriety journey, Allan’s book introduces his VIP model Values, Integrity, Purpose and explores how distractions like technology, work, relationships, and emotional disconnection can keep people from living a fulfilling life post-addiction.
Allan offers a clear and compassionate roadmap to help individuals go beyond just “not acting out” and instead move toward a more grounded, values-based life.
In this conversation, you’ll learn:
Why sobriety is only the first step and what comes after
The 4 biggest distractions that derail recovery
How to replace character defects with integrity-based living
Why feelings, relationships, and purpose are essential for healing
If you or someone you love is on the path of recovery, this discussion is a must-watch.
#SexAddictionRecovery #SobrietyAndPurpose #AddictionWorkbook #RecoveryJourney #ValuesIntegrityPurpose #MensRecovery #LifeAfterAddiction #EmotionalSobriety
Kim Litton with raw honesty, she opens up about her journey from addiction and trauma to freedom and recovery, offering a powerful message: hope is real, and healing is possible.
Kim speaks about the myths and misconceptions around female sex and love addiction, the impact of childhood wounds, and how the desire to be seen and valued shaped her early relationships. This isn’t just a story of recovery, it’s a testimony of reclaiming self-worth, breaking generational patterns, and finding true freedom.
Tune in to hear:
Why Kim kept the most vulnerable parts of her story in the book
What female sex and love addiction really looks like
How childhood trauma shaped her understanding of love
The deeper message of hope, healing, and limitless possibility
This is a conversation for anyone who’s ever felt unseen, unloved, or unsure if freedom was possible for them. Kim’s story is proof that transformation is not only real but worth every step.
#RecoveryJourney #FemaleAddictionRecovery #SexAndLoveAddiction #HealingFromTrauma #HopeAndFreedom #WomensStories #KimBookInterview
Adam Nisenson speaks about the overlooked emotional journey of men navigating betrayal trauma. He introduces the 7 stages of what he calls masculine betrayal trauma, a healing framework that includes taboo topics like ego wounds, self-worth, suppressed anger, competitiveness, and intrusive thoughts.
Adam shares how men often internalize pain, avoid vulnerability, and struggle with the concept of safety in relationships. From unhealthy fantasies to the courage it takes to cry, this discussion challenges outdated beliefs around masculinity and healing.
If you've ever felt lost, angry, or unsure how to move forward after betrayal—this episode offers clarity, connection, and the beginnings of transformation.
Watch now to learn:
Why anger can be healthy when processed correctly
How jealousy and competitiveness show up in male healing
Why the concept of “safety” doesn’t always land for men
The unique way men heal emotionally after betrayal
Subscribe for more insights on healing, emotional growth, and real conversations around masculinity.
#BetrayalTrauma #MensMentalHealth #MasculineHealing #EmotionalGrowth #HealingAfterBetrayal #VulnerabilityIsStrength #MensGroup
Dr. Ken Adams, renowned clinician, author, and expert in the field of sex addiction treatment—joins Wendy Conquest and Jeanne Vattuone live from the IITAP Symposium to discuss his groundbreaking new book Light in the Dark co-authored with Dr. Mary Meyer and Culle Vande Garde, this book is the first of its kind to give voice to the lived experiences of adult children of sex addicts.
Ken opens up about his own journey, the shame he carried, and the powerful decision to share his personal story in the book. He also breaks down the core structure of the work: personal narratives, common characteristics of adult children, roles they play in the family, and a clear path to healing—with an emphasis on reclaiming personal power and moving beyond a victim identity.
Whether you’re a clinician, a survivor, or someone looking to understand the intergenerational impact of sexual addiction in families, this episode offers hope, clarity, and a new lens for healing.
Trigger warning: This episode discusses topics related to family trauma, sexual addiction, and shame. Please listen with care.
Learn more about Light in the Dark and Ken’s work at kennyadamsphd.com
#KenAdams #LightInTheDark #SexAddictionRecovery #AdultChildrenOfSexAddicts #FamilySecrets #TraumaHealing #ShameRecovery #IITAPSymposium #GenerationalHealing #DysfunctionalFamilies #SexAddictionTherapy #TherapistResources #BreakingTheCycle #SexAddiction
Dr. Ken Adams never set out to become an author but sometimes, the story finds you before you know how to tell it. In this moving and honest conversation, Ken recounts the origin of his newest book Light in the Dark, a long-awaited exploration into the lives of adult children of sex addicts.
Speaking with Jeanne Vattunne and Wendy Conquest live at the IITAP Symposium, Dr. Adams shares how his professional path intersected with his own unresolved pain. Discovering Patrick Carnes’ work in the late ’80s opened his eyes to dynamics that felt all too familiar. Yet something essential was missing: no one was talking about what it’s like to grow up in that world.
With the support of co-authors Dr. Mary Meyer and Culle Vande Garde, Ken brings to light the internal struggles, relational patterns, and silent burdens carried by children raised in homes overshadowed by sexual addiction. For the first time, he also tells his own story, breaking the silence in a way that invites others to do the same.
This episode is about reclaiming your voice, validating your pain, and making space for healing where there’s been silence for too long.
Dr. Ken Adams joins hosts Wendy Conquest and Jeanne Vattuone to explore a topic rarely spoken about: the invisible burden carried by children who grow up in homes shadowed by sexual secrets and betrayal.
Drawing from decades of clinical experience, Ken sheds light on how children absorb the confusion, shame, and broken trust that ripple through families affected by sex addiction.
This conversation opens a door to understanding the profound impact of betrayal trauma across generations, and the courage it takes to finally name it.
What happens when a man is sexually betrayed and no one talks about it?
In this powerful episode, Adam Nisenson joins Dan Drake and Tim Stein live at the ITAP Symposium to break the silence around male partner betrayal trauma.
Adam shares his personal story of discovering his wife’s affair over a decade ago, and how that painful experience led him to write A Man’s Guide to Partner Betrayal, the first book of its kind written by a man, for men.
The conversation explores why betrayed men often stay silent for years, and how male betrayal trauma manifests in unique ways such as competitiveness, jealousy, and intrusive thoughts. Adam opens up about the shame and cultural stigma that prevent men from seeking help, and how most available resources are directed toward women, leaving men without guidance.
Adam's story is not just about heartbreak, it’s about reclaiming self-worth, finding your voice, and redefining masculinity in the face of deep emotional pain.
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