Growth Over Easy: No‑BS Guidance for Long‑Term Relationships

New year, new relationship standards. In this episode, Lilly breaks down the five things that need to go and the five things that need to stay in your relationship for 2026. We’re ditching the defensive apologies, the unrealistic expectations, and the passive-aggressive pet names. And we’re leaning into repair as a one-way street, friction as your growth edge, and building a flexible nervous system that can handle real connection.This isn’t about perfection. It’s about doing the real work in 2026.What You’ll Learn:* Why labeling your partner as “avoidant” or “narcissist” is sabotaging your relationship* The truth about expecting your partner to meet all your needs (spoiler: they can’t)* Why band-aid fixes don’t work—and what root cause work actually looks like* How to apologize without making excuses or rationalizing your behavior* What “repair as a one-way street” means and why it changes everything* How to reframe relationship friction as your growth edge* The difference between nervous system regulation and a flexible nervous system* Why men and women need to be on the same team in 2026Key Takeaways:* An apology is simple: “I’m sorry for this.” No excuses, no rationalization.* Repair is a one-way street—deal with one problem at a time.* Your partner is a mirror showing you where you need to grow.* Flexibility in your nervous system is more important than always being “zen.”* Stop pitting men and women against each other—we all rise together.Connect with Lilly:* Work with Lilly 1-on-1: [Book a consultation call] This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.growthovereasy.com

You shut down. You go silent. You walk away.You think you’re protecting yourself. But you’re actually killing your connection.In this final episode of the 5-part series on losing strategies, Lilly breaks down withdrawal, the pattern she’s struggled with most. She explains the difference between withdrawal and taking a responsible timeout, why your nervous system goes into freeze or flight, and how to build your capacity to stay in the room when conflict gets hard.This is Part 5 (the final episode) of a 5-part series on the losing strategies that sabotage your relationship and how to interrupt the cycle.In this episode, you’ll learn:* What withdrawal really is (physically or emotionally leaving from resignation or retaliation)* The difference between withdrawal and taking a responsible timeout* What withdrawal looks like * Why your nervous system goes into freeze or flight during conflict* Why withdrawal is one of the most destructive patterns in relationships* How to recognize when you’re about to withdraw (awareness of your body’s signals)* How to take a responsible timeout * How to ground yourself during a timeout * Why you need to build capacity to stay in the uncomfortable* The one question that changes everythingConnect with Lilly:* Work 1:1 with Lilly: support@growthovereasy.com * Book a free call: https://calendar.app.google/HEj4hbVcy1u8eToF9 This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.growthovereasy.com

You got hurt. So you hurt them back.You think you’re standing up for yourself. You think you’re evening the score. But really? You’re just creating more pain.In this episode, Lilly breaks down the fourth of five losing strategies that keep you stuck in the same conflicts: retaliation. She explains what Terry Real calls “offending from the victim position,” why your nervous system wants payback, and how to stand up for yourself without tearing your partner down.This is Part 4 of a 5-part series on the losing strategies that sabotage your relationship and how to interrupt the cycle.In this episode, you’ll learn:* What retaliation really is (offending from the victim position)* The difference between overt retaliation (direct attacks) and covert retaliation (passive-aggressive punishment)* Why your nervous system wants to make them feel what you feel* What victim mentality has to do with retaliation* Two powerful questions: What do you get out of being the victim? What do you get to avoid?* The real cost: Creates a cycle of payback, prevents repair, erodes trust* Why retaliation feels justified but destroys connection* How to recognize when you’re in retaliation mode* How to name the hurt directly instead of punishing them* How to stand up for yourself with love (not vengeance)* How to let go of the scorecard and ask for what you need* The one question that changes everything: “Am I trying to hurt them back, or am I trying to repair this?”Connect with Lilly:* Work 1:1 with Lilly: support@lillyrachels.com* Website: www.growthovereasy.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.growthovereasy.com

You think you’re just being honest. You’re actually overwhelming your partner.You’ve been holding it in all day. All week. Then it explodes. You say everything. You let it all out. And your partner shuts down, gets defensive, or walks away.In this episode, Lilly breaks down the third of five losing strategies that keep you stuck in the same conflicts: unbridled self-expression. She explains what Terry Real calls “the barf bag approach to intimacy,” why your nervous system floods, and how to express yourself without creating emotional debris.This is Part 3 of a 5-part series on the losing strategies that sabotage your relationship and how to interrupt the cycle.In this episode, you’ll learn:* What unbridled self-expression really is (the “barf bag approach”)* Why “being honest” without consideration destroys connection* What’s happening in your nervous system when you’re flooded* The difference between expressing emotion and emotional dumping* Why your partner can’t hear you when you’re venting without filter* How “always” and “never” statements shut down conversation* The real cost of prioritizing discharge over connection* How to recognize when you’re flooded (outside your window of tolerance)* How to take a responsible time out (15 minutes, then come back)* The 7-10 whys exercise to get specific instead of generalizing* Terry Real’s Feedback Wheel: What I saw, Story I made up, How I feel, What I’d like* The one question that changes everything: “Am I saying this to be heard, or am I saying this to release?”Connect with Lilly:* Work 1:1 with Lilly: support@lillyrachels.com* Website: lillyrachels.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.growthovereasy.com

In this episode, Lilly breaks down the second of five losing strategies that keep you stuck in the same conflicts: controlling your partner. She explains the difference between direct and indirect control, how your nervous system thinks control equals safety, and what to do instead so you can collaborate instead of dictate.This is Part 2 of a 5-part series on the losing strategies that sabotage your relationship and how to interrupt the cycle.In this episode, you’ll learn:* The difference between direct control and indirect control (manipulation)* Why your nervous system thinks control equals safety* What’s happening in your body when you try to control the conflict* Examples of direct control (dictating timeline and outcome)* Examples of indirect control (guilt tripping, withdrawal, playing victim)* Why control leads to retaliation and payback* The real cost of trying to control your partner in conflict* How to recognize when you’re in control mode* How to regulate yourself instead of managing your partner* The one question that changes everything: “Am I trying to control this because it’s helpful or because I’m uncomfortable?”Connect with Lilly:* Join the FREE UNDEFEATED 3 Day Intensive (Dec 8, 9, 10 at 6 pm CT): https://stan.store/lillyrachels/p/undefeated* Work 1:1 with Lilly: support@lillyrachels.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.growthovereasy.com

FREE EVENT: https://stan.store/lillyrachels/p/undefeatedIn this episode, Lilly kicks off a 5-part series on losing strategies in communication. She breaks down the first losing strategy: fighting to be right. You’ll learn how prioritizing being right over being connected turns conflict into competition, how your nervous system hijacks this pattern, and what to do instead.This episode is for you if you find yourself arguing to win instead of understand, if you interrupt or talk over your partner to prove your point, or if you hold onto resentment even after you’ve “agreed” because you still think you’re right.In this episode, you’ll learn:* What fighting to be right actually is and why it damages connection* How this losing strategy shows up in your nervous system (fight vs freeze)* The behaviors that come with fighting to be right (interrupting, fact-checking, pouncing on mistakes)* Why conflict becomes you versus her instead of both of you versus the problem* Where this strategy came from and what it’s protecting* The questions to ask yourself when you feel the need to be right* How to shift from “How do I win?” to “Can I be curious instead of correct?”* Why a wise nervous system chooses safety over superiorityThis episode is for you if:* You find yourself arguing to win instead of understand* You interrupt or rehearse your counterpoints while your partner is talking* You hold onto resentment even after you’ve agreed because you still think you’re right* You want to stop creating winners and losers in your relationshipConnect with Lilly:Men, Join UNDEFEATED (FREE 3 Day Intensive FOR MEN, Dec 8, 9, and 10, 6pm CT): Learn how to break losing strategies and build connection instead of competition. https://stan.store/lillyrachels/p/undefeatedWork 1 on 1 with Lilly: support@lillyrachels.comThis is part 1 of a 5 part series on losing strategies in communication. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.growthovereasy.com

In this episode, Lilly breaks down the repair process that actually works using Terry Real’s Feedback Wheel. She explains the two biggest mistakes we make when trying to repair after conflict.This episode is for you if you feel like you’re always apologizing but nothing ever gets resolved, if conflicts drag on for days instead of clearing in minutes, or if you’re tired of walking on eggshells in your own relationship.In this episode, you’ll learn:* The 4-step Feedback Wheel for clearing conflict fast* Why adding your own grievance during her repair attempt backfires* How defending your intentions makes your partner feel invalidated* How to own your part without losing yourself in the process* Why dealing with one problem at a time clears conflict faster* How to end repair conversations without making them worseThis episode is for you if:* You feel like you’re always apologizing but nothing changes* Conflicts drag on for days instead of getting resolved* You want to clear fights faster so you can get back to enjoying each other* You’re tired of walking on eggshells at homeConnect with Lilly:* Join UNDEFEATED (FREE 3 Day Intensive for Men, Dec 8 to 10, 6pm CT): Learn how to lead your relationship and handle conflict without losing yourself. https://stan.store/lillyrachels/p/undefeated* Work 1 on 1 with Lilly: support@lillyrachels.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.growthovereasy.com

In this episode of Relationship Growth, Lilly explains why your body reacts before your brain can catch up in arguments, why traditional talk therapy wasn’t built for how men process and heal, and how nervous system work helps you lead your relationship without endless therapy sessions. This is for men who want real results, not more talking.In this episode, you’ll learn:* Why small critiques feel like massive attacks (and how to change that)* Why traditional therapy doesn’t work for most men (and what actually does)* How your past is hijacking your present relationship* Why 60% of men who died by suicide had been in therapy the year before* How men and women bond differently (and why talk therapy works better for women)* Why you don’t need to talk about your trauma to heal from it* The nervous system approach that creates real change fastThis episode is for you if:* You feel like nothing you do is ever enough for her* She’s pulling away, and you don’t know how to get her back* You’re tired of the same fights on repeat* You want practical solutions, not another year of therapyConnect with Lilly:* Join UNDEFEATED (FREE 3 Day Intensive, Dec 8 to 10, 6pm CT): Learn how to lead your relationship and create the connection you want. https://stan.store/lillyrachels/p/undefeated* Work 1 on 1 with Lilly: support@lillyrachels.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.growthovereasy.com

In this episode of Relationship Growth, Lilly uncovers a pattern that’s quietly destroying connection in high-achieving relationships: high-functioning survival. You’re checking all the boxes at work and home, you’re dependable and productive, but emotionally you feel numb, disconnected, and unable to relax even when you’re safe. Lilly explains why your nervous system might be stuck in survival mode and how that constant activation erodes intimacy, presence, and peace in your relationship.Lilly breaks down what high-functioning survival looks like in your body and your relationship. From hyper vigilance and controlling behaviors to withdrawing and withholding affection, you’ll learn to recognize the signs that your nervous system is running the show instead of you. She shares the story of a firefighter client who was a hero at work but completely shut down at home, and how his body’s inability to shift out of survival mode created distance in his marriage. You’ll discover why you can’t think your way out of this state and what it takes to bring your body back online so connection becomes possible again.If you’ve ever felt like you’re doing everything right but your relationship still feels wrong, if you struggle to relax around your partner even when nothing’s wrong, or if closeness feels unsafe and you don’t know why, this episode will give you the tools to start shifting. Lilly walks you through a simple orienting exercise you can do right now to help your nervous system move from high alert back into safety and connection.In this episode, you’ll learn:* What high functioning survival is and how to recognize it in your body and relationship* The signs your nervous system is stuck in activation (hyper vigilance, controlling behaviors, emotional numbness, difficulty with intimacy)* Why you can’t access deep connection when your body is braced for danger* How chronic nervous system activation shows up physically (tension, GI issues, inflammation, chronic pain)* A simple orienting exercise to bring your body out of survival mode and back into presence* Why connection begins with safety in your body, not your mind* How to start rebuilding intimacy and closeness when you’ve been operating in survival modeConnect with Lilly:Follow Lilly on Instagram @lillyrachelsSubscribe to her Substack at www.lillyrachels.comEmail support@lillyrachels.com for deeper nervous system workFeeling more like roommates than lovers? Download Lilly’s guide here, Get Out of the Roommate Rut or by commenting PUMPKIN on any of her Instagram posts. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.growthovereasy.com

Feeling more like roommates than lovers? Download Lilly’s guide here, Get Out of the Roommate Rut or by commenting PUMPKIN on any of her Instagram posts. The first 50 people to download it get it completely free.In this episode of Relationship Growth, Lilly explores one of the most subtle but powerful shifts you can make in your relationships: the difference between being detached and being disconnected. Acting like you don’t care might seem like protection, but it actually blocks love and safety from landing.Lilly explains how emotional maturity means holding your desires with peace instead of fear, learning to trust instead of chase, and creating space for love to flow without gripping or withdrawing. You’ll learn what healthy detachment really looks like and how to move from survival energy to self-trust and connection.If you’ve ever been told to “just stop caring so much” and it left you confused or shut down, this episode will help you understand how to care deeply without losing your power.In this episode, you’ll learn:• The energetic difference between not caring and healthy detachment• How flippancy and indifference are forms of self-protection rooted in fear• What healthy detachment feels like in your body and nervous system• Why emotional maturity and self-trust create real attraction and safety• How to hold your desires without gripping, chasing, or avoiding• Why long-term relationships require short-term discomfort and emotional resilience• How leading with love instead of fear transforms your connectionConnect with Lilly: Follow Lilly on Instagram @lillyrachelsSubscribe to her Substack at www.lillyrachels.comFeeling more like roommates than lovers? Download Lilly’s guide here, Get Out of the Roommate Rut or by commenting PUMPKIN on any of her Instagram posts. The first 50 people to download it get it completely free. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.growthovereasy.com

In this episode of Relationship Growth, Lilly breaks down the three silent killers that quietly destroy communication in relationships: unverbalized expectations, misunderstandings, and assumptions. These hidden patterns create resentment, disconnection, and distance between partners, but they are completely fixable when you know what to look for.Lilly teaches how to replace fantasy thinking with clear requests, how to stop fighting the wrong fight by asking for clarity, and how curiosity can bring new life to your connection. If you’ve ever felt like roommates instead of lovers, this episode will show you how to rebuild trust, connection, and understanding through real communication.In this episode, you’ll learn:• What the three silent killers of communication are and how they show up in your relationship• Why unverbalized expectations create resentment• How to stop misunderstandings before they turn into conflict• The power of asking clarifying questions instead of assuming• How curiosity keeps your relationship alive and growingConnect with Lilly: Follow Lilly on Instagram @lillyrachelsSubscribe to her Substack at www.lillyrachels.comFeeling more like roommates than lovers? Download Lilly’s guide here, Get Out of the Roommate Rut or by commenting PUMPKIN on any of her Instagram posts. The first 50 people to download it get it completely free. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.growthovereasy.com

In this episode of Relationship Growth, Lilly walks you through the exact framework she uses with her clients to help them create deeper, healthier relationships. She breaks down each phase of her signature method, the Relational Blueprint Method, and shows how it helps you identify your patterns, expand your capacity to receive love, and learn to communicate from a grounded and loving place.You’ll learn how to move from reaction to regulation, from confusion to clarity, and from disconnection to lasting connection. Whether you’re single, dating, or partnered, this episode gives you a roadmap for how to start doing the real work of relational growth.In this episode, you’ll learn:• What the Relational Blueprint Method is and how it works• Why setting clear intentions at the beginning of your growth journey matters• How to identify your nervous system’s primary survival response• The importance of emotional experiencing and building resilience• How to recognize and interrupt your relationship patterns• The role of your inner child and the wise adult in healing• What it means to “say the real thing” and lead with love in communicationConnect with Lilly:Follow Lilly on Instagram @lillyrachelsSubscribe to her Substack at www.lillyrachels.comIf this episode resonated with you, please subscribe and leave a review. Share it with a friend who’s ready to grow in love and learn how to communicate the real thing. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.growthovereasy.com

In this episode of Relationship Growth, Lilly shares the mission behind the podcast and the personal story that shaped her passion for helping others build healthy, lasting relationships. She opens up about getting married young, struggling with conflict, and how unhealed childhood patterns influenced her ability to receive love. Through her own healing journey, she discovered that relationships are one of the most powerful vehicles for growth, serving as mirrors that reveal where we still have room to heal, expand, and love more deeply.Lilly reminds us that the goal is not perfection but growth. Healthy relationships are not free from conflict; they are built by two people who are willing to stay, repair, and continue choosing each other.If you’ve ever wondered why relationships can feel both beautiful and hard, this episode will give you clarity, hope, and inspiration to keep growing through love.In this episode, you’ll learn:• Why Lilly started Relationship Growth and what it stands for• How childhood patterns shape how we show up in relationships• The difference between earning love and receiving it• Why nervous system regulation is key to connection• How conflict can become an opportunity for growth instead of disconnectionConnect with Lilly: Follow Lilly on Instagram @lillyrachelsSubscribe to her Substack at www.lillyrachels.comIf you enjoyed this episode, please take a moment to subscribe and leave a review. Share it with someone who’s ready to grow in love. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.growthovereasy.com

Welcome to Relationship Growth, the podcast that teaches you the skills to not just find love but keep it alive. In this opening episode, host Lilly Rachels shares the heart behind the rebrand and why this show exists: to help you grow a relationship you don’t just stay in but thrive in.Lilly explains that healthy relationships don’t happen by luck. They are cultivated through consistent care, communication, and curiosity. Using the metaphor of a houseplant, she reminds listeners that love withers without nourishment, but when tended to with attention and patience, it flourishes for years.This episode explores the deeper purpose of relational growth. How our childhood wounds and learned protection patterns quietly shape the way we connect, communicate, and handle conflict. Lilly invites listeners to bring awareness, self-responsibility, and practical action to their relationships, one small daily choice at a time.If you have ever felt your relationship slipping into the roommate rut, or you are single but longing to understand how to create long term love, this is where your transformation begins.Connect with Lilly on Instagram @lillyrachels and on Substack at www.lillyrachels.com. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.growthovereasy.com

If your relationship feels harder than it should, you might be playing two different games without realizing it. In this episode, I share how mismatched expectations, childhood blueprints, and unspoken needs create friction and how my Me → You → We process helps couples get on the same page. You’ll learn how to rediscover yourself, relearn your partner, and recreate a relationship built on trust, respect, and growth.What You’ll Learn:* Why you and your partner might be playing by different rules* The Me → You → We method for deeper connection* How to move from conflict to collaborationLinks & Resources:* Instagram: @lillyrachels* Free guide: Clear the Air: How to Say What’s Bothering You (Without a Blow-Up) This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.growthovereasy.com

In today’s episode, I’m unpacking a reel I saw recently that really bothered me. It suggested that you should strive not to care if your partner cheats — that detachment will somehow make you more desirable.Here’s the thing: that’s not detachment. That’s avoidance.I get it, protecting yourself can feel safer than risking being hurt again. But building walls to avoid pain doesn’t make you stronger. It just keeps you disconnected. I talk about what real emotional strength looks like, how avoidance masquerades as power, and why vulnerability is the key to healthy love.I also share one of my favorite quotes from C.S. Lewis that captures this beautifully.If you’ve been hurt before and find yourself pulling away from intimacy to stay “safe,” this episode is for you.📩 Want support?If you’re ready to break down the walls and start creating real, secure connections — DM me the word sessions on Instagram @lillyrachels to learn about working together.Thanks for listening — and as always, I hope you choose growth. 🤍 This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.growthovereasy.com

Ever felt yourself shut down after a tense moment with your partner, only to realize it wasn’t really about the moment at all?In this episode, I share a personal story of conflict, emotional shutdown, and repair. I walk you through how childhood wounds still echo in adult relationships and what it truly takes to navigate those moments with courage and connection.You’ll hear:* The childhood belief I uncovered that still affects how I receive feedback* What emotional distancing looks like in real time and how to come back from it* My thoughts on AI therapy and why human connection still mattersIf you’ve ever struggled to take feedback, felt “icy” in a relationship, or wondered why the little things hurt so much, this one’s for you.📩 Connect with Me:DM me SESSIONS on Instagram @lillyrachels or email me at lilly@growthovereasy.com if this episode resonated or you're ready for support. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.growthovereasy.com

Feeling stuck in your relationship?This episode is for you. I’m sharing what stalemate looks like, how to move through resentment, and why emotional courage (and a little play) might be the reset you need.💌 Connect with me:Email: lilly@growthovereasy.com⬇️ Join me for 31 days of emotional grounding + expressive courage This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.growthovereasy.com

In this unfiltered episode, I talk through grief, perfectionism, emotional armor, and my Friday night.Recorded from the mountains on the first day of summer — with dogs snoring nearby and tears still fresh — this is me, sharing honestly. About a client I lost. About why I do this work. And about how easy it is to isolate when what we really need is connection.If you’re tired of holding it all together… this one’s for you.💌 Connect with me:Email: lilly@lillyrachels.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.growthovereasy.com

In this episode of Relearn Relationships, I share life updates, including an exciting new venture: Relational Somatics, a company focused on trauma training for practitioners. I also dive into recent reflections on relationships, boundaries, and people-pleasing, discussing how setting boundaries has transformed my personal and professional life.Follow Relational Somatics on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/relationalsomaticsKey Takeaways:* Big Life Update: Relational Somatics is a company offering trauma training for practitioners. Stay tuned for a free masterclass!* Boundaries & Self-Worth: You can have boundaries and still be liked. Setting boundaries isn’t mean—it’s necessary for healthy relationships.* People-Pleasing as Manipulation: People-pleasing often stems from a fear of being disliked, but true connection comes from authenticity, not approval-seeking.* Growth Through Discomfort: Setting boundaries may feel uncomfortable at first, but it ultimately leads to deeper, healthier connections.»COMING SOON!«THE ENERGETICS OF COMMUNICATIONUnlock Your Voice, Deepen Your Connections, and Transform Your RelationshipsA 5-Module Mini-Course for Those Ready to Speak from Love and Lead with Confidence in Their Relationships📅 Start Date: Releases April 1!⏰ Time: On-demand (Self-paced)📍 Location: Delivered via video and workbook through Stanstore💰 Investment: $279 EARLY BIRD PRICINGLearn more HERE This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.relearnrelationships.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.growthovereasy.com