Fly To Freedom: The anorexia recovery podcast

The Fear Beneath the Fear: Why You Don’t Need to Feel Ready for Eating Disorder RecoveryFear can make eating disorder recovery feel impossible. There may be fear of weight gain, eating more, feeling full, resting, stopping compulsive exercise or allowing your body to change. But what if the biggest thing keeping you stuck is not the feared experience itself, but the belief that you will be unable to cope with how it makes you feel?In this episode of Fly to Freedom – The Anorexia Recovery Podcast, I explore the fear beneath the fear and why waiting to feel ready can delay anorexia recovery.For decades, I believed that controlling food, exercise and my body was keeping me safe. Restriction, movement, body checking and rules gave me temporary relief from anxiety. Yet every time I used an eating disorder behaviour to reduce fear, my brain learned that the behaviour had protected me from danger.It never had the opportunity to discover what might happen if I did not obey the fear.That is why eating disorder behaviours can remain so compelling, even when you understand that they are keeping you trapped. Eating less, compensating after food, exercising or seeking reassurance may make anxiety fall in the moment, but that relief teaches the brain to ask for the same behaviour again next time.Recovery begins to change when you create a gap between the fear and the response. That could mean eating the food without compensating, resting without making up for it later, allowing fullness to pass, or noticing a change in your body without checking or trying to undo it.The goal is not to become fearless before you recover. It is to build evidence that you can experience fear, guilt, uncertainty and discomfort without abandoning yourself.In this episode, I explore:Why fear of weight gain is often only the beginning of the storyWhat may sit beneath the fear of eating more or gaining weightWhy avoidance strengthens eating disorder behavioursThe difference between feeling ready and being willingWhy confidence usually follows recovery actionsHow restriction, body checking and compulsive exercise provide temporary reliefWhy difficult emotions do not mean a recovery action is wrongHow repetition builds self-trust and nervous system safetyWhy recovery progress is better measured by what you do than by how comfortable you feelHow to face a difficult body image day without turning against yourselfThe eating disorder will show you the immediate cost of moving forwards, but it rarely shows you the cost of staying where you are. Another year of avoiding restaurants, needing calorie information, exercising through exhaustion or waiting for your body to feel acceptable carries a cost too.Eating disorder recovery is rarely a choice between fear and no fear. Often, it is a choice between the fear that keeps you trapped and the fear that may eventually set you free.You can feel frightened and still nourish yourself. You can feel guilty and still rest. You can dislike a photograph and still go out for dinner. You can experience body image distress and continue caring for yourself.You do not have to know exactly how recovery will feel. Little by little, you can learn that whatever feelings arise, you will remain on your own side.That is how self-trust grows, and that is where freedom begins.For compassionate support with anorexia recovery, fear of weight gain, compulsive exercise, body image or letting go of eating disorder rules, visit:https://www.juliatrehane.comThe Eating Disorder Recovery Circle offers practical recovery resources, courses, workshops, community support, monthly Meetups and a monthly coaching call with me.https://www.edrecoverycircle.com/joinEating disorder recovery supportJoin the Eating Disorder Recovery Circle

The Woman I Never Imagined I Could Become: Julia’s Recovery Q&AThis episode of Fly to Freedom – The Anorexia Recovery Podcast is a little different. Instead of answering questions about the struggles you may be facing in recovery, I’m answering your questions about me: the woman I was, how I recovered after living with anorexia for forty years, and what my life looks and feels like now.I share why eating more, resting and restoring my weight were essential foundations of recovery, but were not enough to give me complete freedom. Although my body was healing, I still carried the beliefs that had fuelled the eating disorder for decades: that I was not good enough, that love had to be earned and that my worth depended upon staying small, being productive and keeping everybody else happy.Full recovery required me to look beneath the food, exercise and body obsession. It meant replacing judgement with curiosity, separating facts from the painful stories I had attached to them, and gradually building a relationship with myself based on compassion rather than punishment.In this episode, I explore:How I moved from forty years of anorexia to complete freedomWhy weight restoration was essential but was not the end of my recoveryHow I knew I was fully recoveredWhy my experience led me to become an eating disorder recovery coachHow and why I created the Eating Disorder Recovery CircleWhy I stopped exercise completely and how I eventually returned to movementThe difference between choosing to exercise and feeling compelled to exerciseHow I respond to diet culture and difficult body-image daysWhat recovery has changed within my marriage, family and everyday lifeHow recovery helped me remain present through grief, fear and Dave’s strokeWhy authenticity, simplicity and self-confidence have been some of recovery’s greatest giftsHow I became the woman I could never have imagined becomingRecovery has not made life perfect or removed sadness, fear, insecurity and loss. It has given me the ability to experience all of life without abandoning myself or returning to restriction, compulsive exercise and control.I can have a difficult day in my body and continue treating her with care. I can feel grief without needing to numb it, experience fear without imagining every possible disaster and make mistakes without believing they say something terrible about me. I can ask for help, express an opinion, create boundaries and allow myself to be fully present with the people I love.When I began anorexia recovery, I thought I was fighting for freedom from food rules, exercise and body obsession. I did not realise I was finding my way home to myself.If you are somewhere in the difficult, uncertain middle of eating disorder recovery, the life ahead may be much bigger than you can currently imagine. The person you are today cannot yet know everything the version of you who keeps going will discover.If you want to live a life of freedom from an eating disorder, I can help you. You can learn more about working with me and the recovery support available at juliatrehane.com.

What does eating disorder recovery actually feel like when you're the person trying to live it?Not the theory. Not the neat list of recovery steps. Not the version told from the other side once everything has fallen into place.This week on Fly to Freedom – The Anorexia Recovery Podcast, I wanted to do something completely different.I invited six women from within my recovery community to come together and answer questions about eating disorder recovery. Nobody was specially selected, nobody was given the questions beforehand and nobody was asked to tell a particular kind of recovery story.We actually started chatting before I'd officially begun recording, and the conversation was so open and valuable that I decided to leave that in too.These women are different ages, from different backgrounds and at very different stages of recovery. Some have lived with anorexia and eating disorders for decades. Some have tried NHS or private treatment. Some know an enormous amount about eating disorders and yet still struggle to translate that knowledge into action.We talk about feeling not sick enough to deserve support, and the way the eating disorder continually moves the goalposts.We talk about knowing exactly what you need to do and still finding it incredibly difficult to do it. As one woman puts it, recovery can be simple, but not easy.We talk about the shame of struggling as a teacher, therapist, professional, mother or middle-aged woman, and why eating disorders do not discriminate by age, intelligence, profession or life experience.We also talk honestly about recovery communities. What happens if you're having an awful day? Do you need to be positive before you speak? What if you worry about triggering someone or bringing everyone else down? And what happens when somebody challenges something you have believed for years?Then the conversation moves into self-compassion and something I particularly love: discovering who you actually are underneath the eating disorder.One woman discovers that perhaps she doesn't love being constantly busy and productive after all. She likes a slower life, pottering and building Lego.And then there is "holiday Sue".Sue describes a freer, happier version of herself who appeared on holiday – someone who ate what she wanted, worried less about what other people thought and simply enjoyed life.She's beginning to realise that holiday Sue may actually be the real Sue.Perhaps one of the most moving moments comes from a woman who once believed gaining weight would be worse than almost anything she could imagine. Today, she would rather live in a higher-weight body and keep the peace and freedom she has discovered than ever return to the life she had before.She once thought she might be the special unicorn – the person for whom full recovery simply wasn't possible.The unicorn doesn't exist.These aren't six women with everything figured out. There are doubts, fears, frustration, laughter and plenty of swearing.That's precisely why this conversation matters.Sometimes eating disorder recovery is questioning something you've believed for decades. Sometimes it is allowing somebody else to believe in you before you can quite believe in yourself.And sometimes it is discovering that the thoughts and feelings you believed made you different are being experienced by somebody else too.No scripts. No polished recovery stories. Just six women talking openly about what eating disorder recovery really feels like.Julia Trehane: https://juliatrehane.comThe Eating Disorder Recovery Circle: https://edrecoverycircle.com

What happens when you desperately want eating disorder recovery, you know what you need to do, and yet fear keeps stopping you?In this Q&A episode of Fly to Freedom – The Anorexia Recovery Podcast, I answer questions from members of the Eating Disorder Recovery Circle about fear, restriction, body image, changing routines, treatment and that frustrating gap between wanting to recover and actually taking action.We begin with the constant noise around food, bodies, exercise and "health". Step targets, fitness advice, diets, weight-loss drugs and wellness trends can sound remarkably similar to eating disorder rules. I talk about why public health advice isn't personal healthcare, and why a better question can be: "Is this right for me?"We also explore helping children develop a healthier relationship with their bodies. One listener shares a painful school uniform shopping experience that left her daughter believing her body was the problem. We can't protect children from every message about body size, but we can teach them to question those messages rather than themselves.Another question looks at anxiety when routines change. When work stops, holidays begin or life becomes quieter, eating disorder thoughts can suddenly become louder. We explore why nourishment doesn't have to be earned through productivity and why learning to rest can be an important part of recovery.Then we get onto chocolate! After years of completely restricting it, one listener wonders whether cutting chocolate out again might help her stop restricting everything else. We look at deprivation, rebound eating and whether chocolate is really the problem, or whether it has become a symbol of the fear of losing control.Following my recent conversation with hypnotherapist Bonnie Killip, I also share my own experience of hypnotherapy. Could it help bridge the gap between intention and action? I believe it can be a useful tool, but ultimately our brains change through new experiences. We still have to take recovery actions and repeatedly show the nervous system that we're safe.We also talk about moving forwards when previous eating disorder treatment hasn't helped or has made things feel worse. An approach not meeting your needs doesn't mean recovery isn't possible. It may simply help you understand what kind of support you need next.Finally, we come to the question running underneath so much of this episode:Do you actually have to feel ready before you recover?I spent years waiting to feel ready. I thought one day I'd feel brave enough to eat more, rest, gain weight and let go of control. That day never came.My actions had to come first. I had to recover while I was frightened, and slowly my feelings caught up. Confidence didn't create the recovery actions. The recovery actions gradually created confidence.In this episode, we explore:Societal pressure around weight, food, exercise and healthHelping children navigate body image pressuresAnxiety when routine disappearsWhy food doesn't need to be earnedRestriction, chocolate and rebound eatingHypnotherapy and anorexia recoveryMoving forwards when treatment hasn't helpedFear of weight gain and restrictionReadiness versus willingness in recoveryHow recovery actions help rewire the brainEvery question in this episode came from members of the Eating Disorder Recovery Circle.The Circle is a supportive community where you can ask the questions you're struggling with, celebrate recovery wins with people who understand how significant they are, and find support when taking the next step feels hard.You'll also find recovery resources, courses, workshops, group coaching calls, challenges and the opportunity to submit questions for future Q&A episodes.If you'd like people beside you as you build a life bigger than the eating disorder, come and join us at edrecoverycircle.com.You don't have to feel ready. You only have to be willing to take the next step.Join the Eating Disorder Recovery Circle

Why Recovery Isn't Just About Willpower: A Compassionate Conversation on Identity, Feelings, Hypnotherapy and ChangeSo many people tell me they know exactly what they need to do in recovery.They know they need to eat more consistently. They know they need to challenge the eating disorder. They know they need to rest more, stop compensating or let go of rigid rules.Yet they still feel stuck.If you've ever wondered why knowing what to do isn't enough, this conversation is for you.In this episode, I'm joined by Australian dietitian, clinical hypnotherapist, coach, author and speaker Bonnie Killip, who shares her own journey from spending around 15 years living with anorexia to finding complete recovery.Together, we explore why recovery is so much more than willpower. We talk about identity, perfectionism, people pleasing, emotions, self-worth and the gap that so often exists between understanding recovery and actually being able to live it.Bonnie also explains clinical hypnotherapy in a way I've never heard before. If you've ever imagined hypnosis as something involving mind control or stage shows, I think you'll find this conversation incredibly reassuring. Bonnie explains what really happens during a session, why you always remain in control, and how hypnotherapy can help people work with the patterns that keep them stuck.For me, one of the most powerful parts of this conversation is the reminder that an eating disorder is never simply about food. It's about what the eating disorder has come to represent, the role it plays in protecting us, and how we gradually build enough trust in ourselves to no longer need that protection.Above all, I hope this episode leaves you with hope. Recovery is possible, even if you've been stuck for many years.Why recovery isn't simply about having more willpower.The gap between knowledge and action in eating disorder recovery.How identity can become intertwined with an eating disorder.Why perfectionism and people pleasing often keep recovery stuck.The role emotions play in maintaining an eating disorder.Why changing behaviours alone often isn't enough.What clinical hypnotherapy really is.How hypnotherapy differs from stage hypnosis.Why you always remain in control during hypnosis.Building trust in yourself rather than relying on motivation.The difference between symptom management and genuine freedom.What complete recovery can actually look like.If Bonnie's approach resonated with you, I'd really encourage you to explore her work. She combines professional expertise with lived experience, and I found our conversation both fascinating and incredibly hopeful.You can find Bonnie here:Website: https://fuellingsuccess.comEmail: [email protected]: https://www.instagram.com/fuelling.successBook: Ready, Now: Your Guide to Doing Recovery from Anorexia Different This TimeIf you're ready to take the next step in your own recovery, I'd love to welcome you into the Eating Disorder Recovery Circle.Inside the Circle you'll find recovery courses, practical tools, workshops, live coaching and a wonderfully supportive community of people who truly understand what you're going through.Find out more here:https://edrecoverycircle.comIf you enjoyed this episode, I'd be so grateful if you could follow Fly to Freedom – The Anorexia Recovery Podcast and leave a rating or review. It really does help more people discover the podcast and reminds others that full recovery is possible.Sending you lots of love,Julia xIn this episode we discuss:Connect with Bonnie KillipLooking for extra support?