Pure Desire Podcast

The day of discovery—when a partner finds out their spouse has been viewing porn—can feel like emotional devastation. In this powerful episode, we dive into the six most important steps betrayed partners should take in the aftermath, including reaching out for support, setting healthy boundaries, and allowing space for emotional chaos. Our guest, Heather Kolb, sheds light on why the pain of discovery runs so deep, how to create a Safety Action Plan, and how betrayed partners can seek truth and healing without falling into shame or isolation. We also explore why rushing to reconciliation may do more harm than good and what to do when the struggling spouse refuses to seek help. Whether you're in the early stages of betrayal trauma or walking alongside someone who is, this conversation offers grounding guidance, honest insight, and hope for healing. You are not alone, and your healing matters—starting today.Resources:All Our ToolsJoin A Group! GET STARTEDFree eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal TraumaFree eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From PornSchedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling ConsultationJoin A Pure Desire Online Group SOCIALSFollow us on FacebookFollow us on InstagramFollow us on X (Twitter) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The first 60 days after discovery or disclosure are some of the most overwhelming—and critical—moments in the recovery journey. In this episode, we unpack why this window matters so much and how to navigate it with clarity and purpose. Our guest and clinician for Pure Desire, Josh Andrew, shares the top three tools every individual should begin using right away: the Recovery Action Plan, the Escape Plan, and the Three Circles. You'll learn how these tools help calm the chaos, provide direction, and interrupt destructive patterns before they take over. We walk through practical first steps for each, offering guidance that’s simple, actionable, and effective—even in crisis. Whether you’re just starting recovery or supporting someone who is, this episode offers hope and structure for the days ahead.Resources:All Our ToolsJoin A Group! GET STARTEDFree eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal TraumaFree eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From PornSchedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling ConsultationJoin A Pure Desire Online Group SOCIALSFollow us on FacebookFollow us on InstagramFollow us on X (Twitter) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Getting caught looking at porn can be an emotionally overwhelming experience, filled with shame, confusion, and fear. In this episode, we sit down with Jason Karsten to explore the six most crucial steps someone should take immediately after discovery—from seeking support and establishing boundaries to giving themselves grace and beginning the healing process. Jason shares practical advice on taking responsibility without being consumed by shame, the importance of honesty and transparency, and how to shift the focus from just managing behavior to pursuing true inner transformation. We also discuss the power of creating healthy boundaries that foster growth rather than punishment, and why rushing your partner toward forgiveness may backfire. Whether you’re just beginning your recovery or helping someone else walk through it, this episode offers clear, compassionate guidance for navigating the difficult—but hopeful—path ahead. Healing is possible, and this conversation is a powerful first step toward lasting change.Resources: All Of Our ToolsFree Counseling Consultation Join A Group! GET STARTEDFree eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal TraumaFree eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From PornSchedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling ConsultationJoin A Pure Desire Online Group SOCIALSFollow us on FacebookFollow us on InstagramFollow us on X (Twitter) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this episode, Debby Flanagan shares valuable insight into what comes after the first year of recovery—a season often marked by both growth and new challenges. As the initial intensity of group begins to settle, many wonder: What’s next? Debby offers guidance on how to discern the right next step—whether it’s repeating a group, starting a new workbook, or stepping into leadership. She unpacks what it means to have a long-term vision for recovery while remaining grounded in the present moment. You’ll hear about the shifting dynamics of recovery in Year 2 and beyond, the potential for plateau, and how to reignite momentum when things feel stale. Debby also emphasizes the ongoing importance of community, intentional relationships, and practical ways to keep your recovery work fresh and meaningful. Whether you're stepping into your second year or helping someone else navigate theirs, this episode is packed with wisdom to help you stay committed, energized, and hopeful for the road ahead.Resources:Full Episode on YouTubeJoin A Group! GET STARTEDFree eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal TraumaFree eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From PornSchedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling ConsultationJoin A Pure Desire Online Group SOCIALSFollow us on FacebookFollow us on InstagramFollow us on X (Twitter) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this insightful episode, Tyler Chinchen unpacks the importance of knowing when group alone isn’t enough—and how seeking additional support can actually deepen the healing process. While recovery groups offer connection, structure, and hope, some seasons call for more personalized help.Tyler shares the key signs that someone might benefit from working with a counselor, coach, spiritual director, or mentor—and breaks down the unique role each plays in the journey toward freedom. We also explore how to avoid becoming overly dependent on advice and instead take ownership of our healing. If you’ve ever felt ashamed or unsure about needing “extra help,” this conversation brings clarity, encouragement, and a fresh perspective.Tyler also offers guidance for group leaders and members on how to support others in taking that next step, with compassion and healthy boundaries. Resources:Join A GroupFree 15 Minute Consultation  GET STARTEDFree eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal TraumaFree eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From PornSchedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling ConsultationJoin A Pure Desire Online Group SOCIALSFollow us on FacebookFollow us on InstagramFollow us on X (Twitter) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this honest and hope-filled episode, Ashley Jameson shares wisdom from her own recovery journey and years of walking with others through the group process. Together, we explore the reality that healing in a group isn’t a straight line—it’s filled with both highs and lows. Ashley highlights the moments that bring encouragement and motivation, as well as the common challenges that can cause doubt or discouragement. She offers practical insight for staying engaged when things feel slow, painful, or uncertain—and reminds us why honesty and consistency are so essential to long-term growth. Through powerful stories of breakthrough and perseverance, Ashley paints a picture of what’s possible when we don’t give up. Whether you're in a tough season or supporting someone who is, this conversation is a timely reminder: you’re not alone, and the process is worth it.Resources:Join A Group Here! GET STARTEDFree eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal TraumaFree eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From PornSchedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling ConsultationJoin A Pure Desire Online Group SOCIALSFollow us on FacebookFollow us on InstagramFollow us on X (Twitter) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this episode of our series, The Ideal Group Member, Rich Moore joins us to talk about what it really means to “start group well”—and why those first few weeks can make all the difference in the healing journey. He unpacks the key mindsets and attitudes that help set the tone for lasting growth, along with common mistakes to avoid when beginning a Pure Desire group. From the importance of consistency to the challenge of building trust with strangers, Rich offers practical wisdom for both new members and seasoned leaders. Whether you’re feeling excited, nervous, or skeptical about group, this conversation will give you clarity, confidence, and hope for what’s ahead. You’ll also hear how leaders and existing members can create a safe, supportive environment where true healing can begin.Resources:Join A Group! GET STARTEDFree eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal TraumaFree eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From PornSchedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling ConsultationJoin A Pure Desire Online Group SOCIALSFollow us on FacebookFollow us on InstagramFollow us on X (Twitter) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this transformative episode, Harry Flanagan unpacks the vital role of a spiritual growth plan in long-term healing and freedom. He shares why a clear, intentional path isn’t just helpful—it’s essential, especially for those navigating recovery. What does a spiritual growth plan actually look like? Is there a rhythm that fosters consistency without becoming rigid? Harry addresses common gaps in spiritual development, particularly when someone feels disconnected from God or has experienced spiritual trauma. You’ll also hear how practices like Scripture reading, prayer, and worship impact the brain, body, and soul—offering holistic support in the healing journey. Plus, we explore the irreplaceable role of community in accountability and encouragement. For those feeling stuck despite doing all the “right” things, Harry offers both grace and practical tools to move forward with hope. Whether you're building your plan or needing fresh perspective, this episode meets you right where you are. GET STARTEDFree eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal TraumaFree eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From PornSchedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling ConsultationJoin A Pure Desire Online Group SOCIALSFollow us on FacebookFollow us on InstagramFollow us on X (Twitter) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this episode of the Foundations of Freedom series, Heather Kolb joins us as we dive deep into the battlefield of the mind—where true healing begins. From a neuroscience perspective, we explore how the brain processes sexual brokenness and trauma, and why understanding this is key to lasting transformation. Many people believe they’re just “wired this way,” but what if you could actually retrain your brain? Heather unpacks the difference between wiring and training, how shame keeps us stuck, and why triggers and relapse are often rooted in brain function—not failure. With practical tools and powerful insights, she offers hope and direction for anyone feeling overwhelmed by their thought life. If you've ever wondered whether freedom is out of reach, this episode will remind you that your mind is not your enemy—it’s the starting place for breakthrough. GET STARTEDFree eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal TraumaFree eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From PornSchedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling ConsultationJoin A Pure Desire Online Group SOCIALSFollow us on FacebookFollow us on InstagramFollow us on X (Twitter) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Sobriety isn’t just about stopping a behavior—it’s about building a new way of living. In this powerful episode, Stuart Blade dives into what it truly means to establish sobriety and not just temporarily abstain. He shares practical steps for protecting your progress, limiting the damage of past behaviors, and preventing future setbacks. For those just starting out, Stuart offers insight into the mental and emotional hurdles of early recovery—and how to face them with strength and clarity. We also explore how to rebuild trust, embrace accountability, and shift from behavior management to identity transformation. With honesty and compassion, Stuart addresses the tension between grace and discipline, and how self-compassion plays a crucial role in the healing process. If sobriety feels overwhelming or out of reach, this episode is filled with practical encouragement, real hope, and steps forward. Lasting change is possible—and it begins one intentional choice at a time.Resources:All Our ToolsThree Circles Podcast GET STARTEDFree eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal TraumaFree eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From PornSchedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling ConsultationJoin A Pure Desire Online Group SOCIALSFollow us on FacebookFollow us on InstagramFollow us on X (Twitter) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this episode, Kelly Johnston, the Women’s Groups Lead at Pure Desire, shares her profound insights on the healing journey and the importance of “surrendering to the process.” We explore how trust and vulnerability play key roles in surrendering control and embracing God’s timing, despite the fear and resistance many women face. Kelly discusses common obstacles in recovery and how to navigate the “messiness” of the process without becoming discouraged. She offers practical steps for staying committed when the journey feels long and challenging, while emphasizing the power of slow, intentional healing. With encouragement for those struggling with shame or past hurts, Kelly offers a hopeful message about trusting God’s unwavering commitment to our healing and freedom. GET STARTEDFree eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal TraumaFree eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From PornSchedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling ConsultationJoin A Pure Desire Online Group SOCIALSFollow us on FacebookFollow us on InstagramFollow us on X (Twitter) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this episode, we are joined by Sam Jolman. He is the author of, The Sex Talk You Never Got: Reclaiming the Heart of Masculine Sexuality, and an expert in the field of sexual health and addiction recovery. Today we’re going to dive deep into the complexities of pornography use, compulsive sexual behavior, and the path to healing. Sam shares insights into how these behaviors can become addictive, offering a compassionate look at what it means to face down these struggles. Together, we explore how early relational wounds impact sexuality and intimacy, and how understanding one's full story of sexual development can be key in breaking unhealthy patterns.We reflect on the gaps and misconceptions many people face in their understanding of sex, intimacy, and emotional connection. This conversation offers a roadmap for reshaping one’s view of sexuality and building healthier relationships with self and others.Whether you're seeking to understand your own journey or support someone else through theirs, this episode provides practical steps and a hopeful perspective on rewriting your internal narrative around sex and intimacy.Resources:Register For The 2025 Summit Now!Sam's Website GET STARTEDFree eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal TraumaFree eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From PornSchedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling ConsultationJoin A Pure Desire Online Group SOCIALSFollow us on FacebookFollow us on InstagramFollow us on X (Twitter) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this powerful kickoff to our Foundations of Freedom series, we sit down with John Begeman to explore why breaking free from denial is the critical first step in the healing journey. Often masked as a form of protection, denial can quietly keep us stuck—especially in the face of sexual brokenness or betrayal trauma. John unpacks the subtle ways people remain unaware of their pain and the emotional and spiritual toll it takes over time. He shares how radical honesty, guided by grace, can pave the way to freedom, even when facing truth feels overwhelming. You'll hear practical insights on recognizing denial, supporting loved ones who may be stuck, and pushing through the discomfort that often comes with self-awareness. John also offers a moving real-life story of transformation—proof that healing is possible when we choose truth over illusion. GET STARTEDFree eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal TraumaFree eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From PornSchedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling ConsultationJoin A Pure Desire Online Group SOCIALSFollow us on FacebookFollow us on InstagramFollow us on X (Twitter) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Register for the 2025 Summit Now!In today’s episode, Bob Vander Meer and Heather Kolb join us to preview the upcoming Pure Desire Summit, sharing their excitement and insights about this year’s event. With the theme "Anchored in Hope," they discuss how the Summit aims to foster connection, growth, and healing for attendees from all walks of life. We reflect on what sets the Pure Desire Summit apart from other events and discuss what we hope attendees will walk away with—both personally and professionally.They dive into how the theme of hope resonates with those who struggle with compulsive sexual behavior and those who have experienced betrayal, and highlight some of the key sessions that are sure to inspire and empower. For many people who attend the Summit, the impact is life-changing, becoming the catalyst for lasting recovery, healing, and transformation. GET STARTEDFree eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal TraumaFree eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From PornSchedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling ConsultationJoin A Pure Desire Online Group SOCIALSFollow us on FacebookFollow us on InstagramFollow us on X (Twitter) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this insightful episode, Dr. Jake Porter shares his expertise on sex addiction and betrayal trauma through the powerful lens of the theme Anchored in Hope. Drawing from neuroscience, attachment theory, and spiritual truth, Dr. Jake unpacks how understanding the brain's role in addiction and trauma can offer a renewed sense of hope to those feeling stuck in cycles of pain. He explores how couples can begin to rebuild trust after betrayal, and how healing attachment wounds leads to healthier, more secure relationships. Dr. Jake emphasizes the importance of integrating psychology, spirituality, and neuroscience for a holistic recovery journey. With practical steps and compassionate wisdom, he offers guidance for individuals and couples working to restore emotional and relational health. Whether you're in recovery, supporting someone who is, or simply seeking deeper understanding, this conversation is rich with hope. Dr. Jake also shares why the Pure Desire Summit is a must-attend for anyone pursuing lasting healing and freedom.Resources:Register for Summit 2025 HereDr. Porter's Website Dr. Porter's Organization GET STARTEDFree eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal TraumaFree eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From PornSchedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling ConsultationJoin A Pure Desire Online Group SOCIALSFollow us on FacebookFollow us on InstagramFollow us on X (Twitter) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this episode, Dr. Adrian Hickmon, founder of Capstone Treatment Center, shares his deep insights into the transformative power of hope in recovery, particularly for those struggling with addiction and trauma. Drawing on his firsthand experience, he explores how hope anchors individuals, helping them rediscover purpose and faith amidst emotional pain. Adrian sheds light on how people can break free from the shame and guilt tied to their struggles, offering a path to healing and lasting change. He also tackles common misconceptions about recovery and emphasizes the importance of a holistic approach that integrates faith, emotional healing, and practical skills for lasting transformation. With a focus on grace and identity, Adrian offers valuable advice for counselors and ministers supporting those in recovery. He highlights the significance of attending the Pure Desire Summit, sharing how it provides a space for attendees to gain new insights and tools for helping others.Resources:Register For Summit 2025Adrian’s New BookCapstone Wellness The Body Keeps The ScoreThe Urge: Our History of Addiction  GET STARTEDFree eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal TraumaFree eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From PornSchedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling ConsultationJoin A Pure Desire Online Group SOCIALSFollow us on FacebookFollow us on InstagramFollow us on X (Twitter) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this powerful and deeply compassionate episode, Dr. Sheri Denham Keffer joins us to explore the theme Anchored in Hope—a lifeline for those navigating the stormy waters of sexual betrayal, trauma, and addiction. With wisdom drawn from years of walking alongside individuals in pain, Dr. Sheri unpacks how rediscovering our true identity in Christ fosters self-awareness, ignites healing, and grounds us in a hope that endures—even when it feels out of reach.We dive into practical steps for reconnecting with hope during the darkest moments, how to support loved ones in their recovery without minimizing their experience, and what it looks like to break free from cycles of shame and brokenness. Dr. Sheri also shares stories of powerful transformation and trust restored through the choice to hope again.Whether you're on a healing journey yourself or supporting someone who is, this episode offers rich encouragement and insight—and a compelling reason to attend the upcoming Pure Desire Summit.Resources:Register For The 2025 Summit Now!Dr. Sheri's WebsiteDr. Sheri's Book  GET STARTEDFree eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal TraumaFree eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From PornSchedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling ConsultationJoin A Pure Desire Online Group SOCIALSFollow us on FacebookFollow us on InstagramFollow us on X (Twitter) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this episode, we dive into the world of neurodivergence and its unique connection to addiction and recovery. Our guest, Jenna Riemersma, shares insights into what neurodivergence means and offers examples of behaviors that may be seen in neurodivergent individuals. We explore the specific challenges they face when dealing with addiction and recovery, and how mental health stigma can impact their journey. We also discuss the concept of self-regulation and its relationship to addictive behaviors, as well as the importance of neurodiversity education in addiction recovery settings. We provide practical strategies for managing recovery and how family and friends can better support neurodivergent individuals. Resources:Jenna's WebsiteSarah BergenField's WebsiteHelp Her HealEmbrace AutismAutism In The Adult PodcastIs This Autism?Association For Autism & Neurodiversity  GET STARTEDFree eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal TraumaFree eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From PornSchedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling ConsultationJoin A Pure Desire Online Group SOCIALSFollow us on FacebookFollow us on InstagramFollow us on X (Twitter) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this episode, we delve deep into the intersection of mental health, trauma, and unwanted sexual behavior, exploring how our past experiences shape our present struggles. Our guest, Jay Stringer, shares powerful insights into the connection between unresolved wounds and their impact on mental health, offering practical guidance on how to approach healing with curiosity instead of self-condemnation. We discuss the importance of understanding our stories, how attachment theory influences our relationships and mental health, and how faith can play a pivotal role in the healing process.We’ll explore why it's crucial to focus on the "why" behind behaviors, rather than simply trying to stop them, and how to break free from unhealthy patterns that keep us stuck. With compassion and curiosity at the core of the conversation, Jay offers valuable advice for anyone feeling overwhelmed in their healing journey, helping them take their first practical steps toward mental wellness.ResourcesJay’s WebsiteJay’s Book GET STARTEDFree eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal TraumaFree eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From PornSchedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling ConsultationJoin A Pure Desire Online Group SOCIALSFollow us on FacebookFollow us on InstagramFollow us on X (Twitter) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this episode, we dig into the intersection of pornography use, social media, and mental health, exploring how these modern influences are shaping our perceptions of intimacy, relationships, and self-worth. We discuss how most people's journey with porn typically begins, early signs that it’s negatively affecting mental health, and how social media plays a significant role in fueling these behaviors.Our conversation addresses common mental health challenges linked to problematic porn and social media use, such as anxiety, depression, and self-esteem issues. We explore how these habits can distort a person’s understanding of relationships and sexuality, and the shame and guilt that often accompany these struggles, exacerbating mental health issues.We discuss the underlying personality traits that make someone more vulnerable to using porn or social media as coping mechanisms, and the role isolation plays in worsening emotional distress. We offer practical advice on how to recognize when porn and social media use are negatively impacting mental health and relationships, and the first steps toward healing and recovery.Resources:Parent Training CourseYouth Leader LibraryBen's WebsiteBen's PodcastBen's Book GET STARTEDFree eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal TraumaFree eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From PornSchedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling ConsultationJoin A Pure Desire Online Group SOCIALSFollow us on FacebookFollow us on InstagramFollow us on X (Twitter) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.