Conflict Decoded Podcast

In his book Remapping Your Mind, Dr. Mehl-Madrona writes that the closest word to the English word self in the Lakota language is nagi, meaning the swarm of all the stories that make us who we are. Our interpretation of reality shapes our experience of reality. We become the stories that we tell ourselves. We, humans, need stories like we need food. But some stories nourish us more than others. If we think we have the capacity to figure things out together, we’re likely to engage in a way that helps us find win-win solutions. If we view things as right or wrong, we’re likely to take a judgmental or defensive stance. In my episode this week, I share how we can move beyond these stories that keep us stuck in challenging dynamics. If you ever feel frustrated in your interactions with others or wonder if there’s a more helpful lens to see your situation through, this is for you. Learn More from Katherine: To receive new episodes along with other nourishment for your heart, mind, and body, subscribe to Love Letters for Changemakers Katherine’s LinkedIn page Center for Callings & Courage

Resonance is what happens when Person A brings their caring, curious attention to Person B in an attempt to truly understand them, and Person B responds with—Yes, that's it! You get me! In this week’s episode, I explore how resonance changes the brain and contributes to better communication and decision-making, and how to listen to people so they really feel heard. If you’re longing for a deeper connection with yourself and the people in your life, this one is for you. Learn More from Katherine: To receive new episodes along with other nourishment for your heart, mind, and body, subscribe to Love Letters for Changemakers How to Prepare for Difficult Conversations at Work Katherine’s LinkedIn page Center for Callings & Courage

If you develop side-eyed skepticism when you hear people talking about listening to their bodies, you’re not alone. Research shows that most people don’t believe that knowing what we feel makes any difference at all. In today’s podcast episode—Why It's Important to Name Emotions, Even If You Don't Believe it—I’ll present to you four arguments for why noticing and naming what we feel in our bodies does indeed matter very much. I hope you’ll be willing to suspend disbelief momentarily, and hear me out, especially if you’re experiencing any conflict interpersonal dynamics you wish were different. Whether you find it hard to believe that noticing your body matters or you’re a somatics junkie already steeped in this stuff, this is for you. Learn More from Katherine: Emotions Wheels & Feelings List How to Prepare for Difficult Conversations at Work Free Online Course To receive new episodes along with other nourishment for your mind, heart, and body, subscribe to Love Letters for Changemakers Katherine’s LinkedIn page Center for Callings & Courage

I invite you to recall an interaction you’ve had—either recently or farther in the past—where you came out wishing things had gone differently. Now, imagine what you might have done before you entered the interaction that could have helped it get off to a better start and end in a better place. This week, I’ll explore 10 factors that I’ve wished I’d considered before heading into difficult interactions in the past and that I consider most important. To hear why each of these matters more and how to apply each to a difficult conversation you’re facing, tune in!   Learn More from Katherine: The Discernment Pause Episode To receive new episodes along with other nourishment for your mind, heart, and body, subscribe to Love Letters for Changemakers Katherine’s LinkedIn page Center for Callings & Courage

Over the past thirteen years of coaching my clients, I’ve discovered one simple practice that consistently helps my clients lovingly move less-than-helpful parts take a backseat, reclaim the wheel of their lives, and engage challenging interpersonal dynamics effectively. I return to this practice whenever I need to prepare for a challenging conversation. I call it the Discernment Pause. In today’s podcast, I’ll walk you through the five steps of the Discernment Pause: Noticing when you feel activated, and pausing. Turning toward yourself with care and curiosity. Getting curious about what you feel, want, and need. Getting curious about what your situation and other people need. Choosing your next step. If you want clarity about anything, especially tense interpersonal dynamics, this is for you. Learn More from Katherine: Emotions Wheels & Feelings Lists Needs List To receive new episodes along with other nourishment for your heart, mind, and body, subscribe to Love Letters for Changemakers Katherine’s LinkedIn page Center for Callings & Courage

When clients first come to me, they often say they want to break a bad habit or develop the discipline to stop reacting in certain ways. But discipline means punishment for the sake of correction, and trying to force, control, and self-dominate ourselves into change rarely works. When we understand where our habitual reactions arise from and develop awareness of what’s happening in our bodies, it can be easier to take a far more effective approach toward change. In this week’s episode, I’ll share why we often react in ways we later regret and the key to unlocking habit change. If you long to improve your relationships, take better care of yourself, and consistently take the actions that lead to change, I hope you’ll tune in. Learn More from Katherine: To receive new episodes along with other nourishment for your mind, heart, and body, subscribe to Love Letters for Changemakers How to Prepare for Difficult Conversations at Work Free Online Course Katherine’s LinkedIn page Center for Callings & Courage

Friendship. It’s one of the most important ingredients of a well-lived life. And yet, real friendship in which we can show up as and share care for our full, authentic selves, can be so hard to find—and so hard to maintain—in these times. Especially interracially, especially between white women and black women. That’s why I was so excited that my guests this week, Tanisha Arena and JAC Patrissi agreed to get real with me and share their real-life story of growing a deep, abiding friendship. About Tanisha & JAC: Tanisha Arena is a Black woman in community leadership as the Executive Director of Arise for Social Justice in Springfield, Ma. She holds a Masters in Non-Profit Management and is an educator at Growing A New Heart, where she trains regularly on Holding Space: holding affinity, anti-racism, self-education and support groups and Dialogues Across Differences of social location, including race and ethnicity. Tanisha has deep roots in the field of anti-violence work, specializing in community advocacy and responses to intimate partner violence within the LGBTQ community. JAC Patrissi is white woman engaged in kinship minded anti-racist work within a loving multi-racial transformative collective at Growing a New Heart. JAC was tutored in Popular Education by Paolo Freire and is a trained body-centered trauma clinician. She is co-founder of A Call For Change, a non-carceral helpline for people who cause harm in intimate relationships and community. Since 1989, she has been and anti-violence advocate working with survivors while learning and practicing non-carceral accountability practices for people using violence and control and other tools of dominance. Learn More from Tanisha & JAC’s Work: Growing a New Heart Learn More from Katherine: To receive new episodes along with other nourishment for the fight ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Changemakers Katherine’s LinkedIn page Center for Callings & Courage

When we look at the state of waning democracy and rising authoritarianism in the US, it can be so hard to know what to do. Because our power to impact national policy is so limited, for many of us, it can feel like our hands are tied. Yes, we can attend rallies, boycott companies that support authoritarianism, and vote in local elections. But these actions can feel small compared to the federal government's incessant violence. So, what are we to do? In this episode, we’ll share practical steps you can take now to grow democracy in your community and develop the collective strength to undermine authoritarianism. Hint: It’s all about how we engage conflicts with each other and develop our ability to widen our tent. About Jiva Manske: Jiva Manske has been organizing since he was twelve years old. He’s now a strategist, partner, and dad who works with people around the world to build powerful, transformational movements. As Director of Strategic Initiatives for the 22nd Century Initiative, Jiva works to build a more resilient, innovative, and aligned pro-democracy field. He grounds his approach in commitments to accountability through collective action, organizing led by those most impacted by injustice, and healing-centered practice. Learn more from Jiva: 22ci.org The Anti-Authoritarian Playbook The Anti-Authoritarian Podcast Harnessing Our Power to End Political Violence Learn More from Katherine: To receive new episodes along with other nourishment for the fight ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Changemakers Katherine’s LinkedIn page Center for Callings & Courage Related Episodes: Imagination is Political: Dreaming Together with Desiree Adaway How to Address Harmful Impact using Nonviolent Communication with Roxy Manning

If you ever feel overwhelmed by everything you read online, torn between wanting to keep up with what’s happening and wanting to protect your peace, or struggling in your relationship with online information in another way, my conversation with Danielle Reiff is for you. Danielle and I talk about: How to interact with online information in ways that diffuse rather than inflame conflict. How we can stay informed in these times without draining our time or energy. What to watch out for to not feed into the rumors, lies, and gossip out there. How to engage with social media and online news in ways that make us stronger, not weaker. About Danielle Reiff: Danielle Reiff is a peacebuilder, writer, and editor of Overcoming Information Chaos: A Guide to Building Peaceful Communities in the Digital Age. As a member of the U.S. diplomatic corps for twenty years, Danielle specialized in supporting democratic transitions and peacebuilding around the world. After retiring, she founded the non-partisan Peacebuilders initiative to promote empathy, dialogue, consultation, and other forms of nonviolence for advancing social change and political reform. Danielle has been a Baha’i since 1997. Learn More with Danielle:  www.peacebuildersunite.com Danielle on LinkedIn Danielle on Instagram Danielle on Facebook Additional Resources: Dangerous Speech Podcast Roxy Manning: How to Address Harmful Impact with Nonviolent Communication (Conflict Decoded episode) Learn More with Katherine: Callingsandcourage.com Katherine’s LinkedIn page To receive new episodes along with other nourishment for the fight ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Changemakers

If we are to have any chance of bringing forth a world in which all people have the power necessary to meet their needs, we must develop the governance structures necessary to wield our power effectively. In this episode, I speak with Ted Rau, co-founder of Sociocracy for All, about ways to govern our groups and organizations that empower people to work together well. We talk about: Why majority rules systems inevitably lead to conflict The difference between consent-based decision-making and consensus The four pillars of resilient organizations How to move from brainstorming to action How to experiment with new governance and new projects in safe enough ways And much more! Even if you love the people in your group and your mission, if you don’t share clarity about who decides what and how we decide, then problems will emerge. If you want your group to do what needs to be done, while avoiding power games, drama, and the decision-making bottlenecks, this is for you. About Ted: Ted is an advocate, trainer and consultant for self-governance. After earning a PhD in linguistics and working in academia, Ted co-founded the membership organization Sociocracy For All in 2016 and spends his days consulting mission-driven organizations, advocating and training on self-governance, and deeply immersed in the work as a member within Sociocracy For All. Ted is the author of four books on self-governance, which I link to in the show notes, and he has five children between 12 and 22 years old. Learn More from Ted: Sociocracy for All 75-Minute Free Video Primer on Sociocracy Ted’s Books: Many Voices One Song (2018), Who Decides Who Decides (2021), Collective Power (2023), From Here to There (2025) Learn More from Katherine: Episode with Donnie MacClurcan: Why Capitalism Makes Us Tense & What to do About it (Donnie’s organization, the Post-Growth Institute governs itself with sociocracy and is a great model for how this process can work) To receive new episodes along with other nourishment for the fight ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Changemakers Katherine’s LinkedIn page Center for Callings & Courage

In this weeks episode of Conflict Decoded, I share: One reason we often get stuck focusing on what doesn’t work, How focusing on what’s good increases effectiveness, Step-by-step instructions for facilitating Appreciative Interviews, and 2 quick questions to start team meetings with immediate connection. If you long for your team to experience greater cohesion, joy, and resilience in these times, then 'Appreciative Interviews: One Hour to Boost Team Joy & Pride' is for you. Related episodes: Appreciation at Work: How to Grow Strengths, Not Toxic Positivity How to Center Radical Love in Challenging Times with Shiree Teng Why Capitalism Makes Us Tense & What to do About it with Donnie Maclurcan Learn more from Katherine: Team Coaching Katherine’s LinkedIn page To receive new episodes along with other nourishment for the fight ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Changemakers Callingsandcourage.com

Do you have family or friends in the religious right or with vastly different political views than you? Knowing how to disagree with people you love is crucial in these situations. If so, this one is for you. About Sara: For the first four decades of her life, Sara was a devout Mormon. Then, a series of realizations called her to change course. Since then, Sara has helped thousands of high-achieving women as a master certified life coach to turn people-pleasing into personal power—guiding them to stop overextending, find their authentic voices, and lead with clarity and authority. Part of this journey often involves learning how to disagree with people you love. Through her signature Stop People Pleasing group coaching program, Sara has coached women into leadership roles, helped coaches grow thriving businesses, and supported women in building deeper, more vulnerable relationships. Her work weaves together feminist insight, nervous system and somatic tools, and her own lived experience of breaking free from religious “good girl” rules. Embracing how to disagree with people you love is a vital part of her teachings. Learn More from Sara: sarafisk.coach Instagram: @sarafiskcoach Podcast: The Ex-Good Girl Podcast Facebook Page Facebook Group LinkedIn Learn more from Katherine: Center for Callings & Courage Katherine’s LinkedIn page To receive new episodes along with other nourishment for the fight ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Changemakers

Research shows that the highest-performing teams give each other about five positive comments for every one negative comment. And yet, when things are uncertain, the stakes are high, and we feel frustrated by others' actions, it can be challenging to focus on what’s good. This week, Lana Jelenjev and I discuss how to restore this balance. We explore: Why focusing on appreciation is so challenging, How to build a habit of celebrating strengths, The connection between naming strengths and sharing our full essence, How to offer feedback without alienating people, The difference between celebrating what’s good and toxic positivity, A strengths-based approach to meeting check-ins, hiring, and performance reviews, And more. If you want a deeper connection with yourself and your important people, more flow at work, and an all-around greater sense of joy, this one is for you. About Lana: Lana Jelenjev is co-founder of the Neurodiversity Foundation and the Neurodiversity Education Academy. She is the co-author of “What’s Strong With You? and “What’s Alive in You?” toolkits for coaches, teachers, leaders, and facilitators to bridge the gap for all neurotypes to thrive. Rooted in the Filipino values of kapwa (seeing ourselves in our shared humanity) and pakikiramdam (deep, attuned sensing), Lana creates spaces for people to reconnect with themselves, with each other, and to witness and appreciate what has always been sacred. She lives in the Netherlands with her husband and two children. Related Episodes: How to Address Harmful Impact with Nonviolent Communication Why Capitalism Makes Us Tense & What to do About It with Donnie Maclurcan Learn More from Lana: Lana’s Website  Neurodiversity Education Academy Neurodiversity Foundation Lana on LinkedIn Lana’s Substack: Refugia 80 Check-In Prompts for Children Learn more from Katherine: Center for Callings & Courage Katherine’s LinkedIn page To receive new episodes along with other nourishment for the fight ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Changemakers

We often blame ourselves for the tensions of modernity. But we can become much more effective—and feel better—when we focus on the root causes of our problems. In this week’s episode of Conflict Decoded, I talk with @Donnie Maclurcan, Co-Founder and Director of Strategy at the Post-Growth Institute. We explore: The difference between capitalist and post-capitalist economies (which will likely surprise many listeners) How capitalism disconnects us from our bodies How that disconnection makes us susceptible to authoritarianism Governance structures that allow for a real circulation of power Simple steps to redistribute money and power away from the accumulative market And more. If you want to feel less guilty and focus more on the root causes of our collective problems, you’ll enjoy this one. About Donnie: Donnie Maclurcan designs frameworks, methodologies and experiences for creative collaboration and collective liberation. These include the Offers and Needs Market, the Post Growth Fellowship, the Post Growth Alliance, and Free Money Day, and an intuitive model for a post-capitalist market economy that builds on what's already working. Donnie lives on Mapuche lands in Patagonia, with his Argentinian wife and their three cats. Learn more from Donnie: Post Growth Institute Post Growth Alliance email alerts Post Growth Institute newsletter Donnie’s LinkedIn page Learn more from Katherine: Center for Callings & Courage Katherine’s LinkedIn page To receive new episodes along with other nourishment for the fight ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Changemakers.

If we are to reclaim collective power, redistribute it equitably, and cultivate the multiracial multicultural democracies we long for. We must develop the ability to read power in our institutions and our lives. We must become power literate. In this week’s episode of Conflict Decoded, I talk with the brilliant Karla Monterroso about what power actually is. How the internet and demographic shift are changing it, our relationship to it. Methods for distribution of it, and its role in a more just society. About Karla Monterroso: Karla is a strategic power-builder, transformative leader, and coalition architect. She is dedicated to supporting the leadership of multiracial multicultural institutions across sectors. As Founder and Managing Partner of Brava Leaders, she serves as a trusted coach, advisor, and strategist to organizations, social justice leaders, academics, and artists, helping them navigate power dynamics and bridge institutional divides. With over two decades of experience scaling social enterprises, Karla’s work challenges conventional management theories that perpetuate homogeneous power structures, offering frameworks designed for integrated organizations. Hire Karla: Brava Leaders Brava Leaders’ Public Sessions Learn More: Karla on LinkedIn Brava Leaders on LinkedIn The Purpose of Power, by Alicia Garza Receive Love Letters to Changemakers: To receive new episodes to your inbox along with other nourishment for the fight ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Organizers.

We are currently in a collective battle of the imagination. While the power of the 99% may be limited. We grow our power when we reclaim our ability to imagine from dominant narratives. As Desiree Adaway shares in this episode, imagining the world we long for is one of the most powerful and radical acts there is. Even if we do not live to see the fruits of our imagination, the billionaire class does not get to tell us what is possible. We get to be good ancestors. We get to choose what we long for. If you need inspiration and a soothing balm to help you see beyond the confines of our current realities, this is for you. About Desiree Adaway: Desiree Adaway, CEO of the Adaway Group, is a trainer, speaker, and consultant dedicated to intersectional race equity. And DEI change work. For over 25 years, she has helped build resilient, equitable, and inclusive organizations across all sectors. She has educated over 50,000 people on the most crucial issues of our time. She embraces the difficult conversations required to help organizations reduce harm, center equity, and build meaningful relationships while teaching others how to do the same. Desiree supports leaders and teams in upleveling their analysis and skills around identity, power, and institutional inequities that lead to lasting culture, process, and policy change. Connect with Desiree:  Instagram LinkedIn Blue Sky Resources Desiree Recommends: A Great Starter on Time The Cycle of Liberation, by Bobbie Harro The Cycle of Socialization by Bobbie Harro The Adaway Group Resources from Katherine: Your Core Values Practice: to help you imagine and center what matters most to you To receive new episodes to your inbox along with other nourishment for the fight ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Changemakers.

The daughter of Vanessa Andreotti (author of Hospicing Modernity: Facing Humanity’s Wrongs and The Implications for Social Activism). Giovanna de Oliveira Andreotti grew up facing the ongoing predicament of collapse. In this episode, Giovanna shares how facing the reality of collapse no longer destabilizes her. Instead, the wisdom she’s gleaned—and her commitment to inquiry—are helping her to acknowledge reality. Notice the ways it manifests within us, and do the hard work of choosing emotional sobriety, intellectual discernment, relational maturity, and responsibility in these times. By acknowledging the ways modernity manifests in each of us, we can begin to compost the aspects of modernity. We’ve internalized and create space to transform our relationships with one another, ourselves, the land, and our more-than-human kin. About Giovanna de Oliveira Andreotti: Giovanna de Oliveira Andreotti is a dancer/dance teacher, a member of the Gesturing Toward Decolonial Futures, a certified Warm Data Lab host, and an online course facilitator/coordinator. She holds a Bachelor's degree in Psychology from the University of British Columbia and postgraduate certifications in Climate Psychology and Embodied Social Justice. Currently, she coordinates an inquiry that maps pedagogical practices addressing complexity, complicity, collapse, and accountability. Worksheets: Rude Diagnostic Exercise House of Fear - Want - Entitlement SDMR Compass Needs List Vanessa’s Books: Hospicing Modernity Outgrowing Modernity Learn More From Giovanna & Vanessa: Rewiring for Reality Giovanna on LinkedIn Gesturing Toward Decolonial Futures Hospicing Modernity Online Course Love Letters to Changemakers: To receive new episodes to your inbox along with other nourishment for the fight ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Changemakers.

Heather Plett—facilitator, trainer, and author known globally for her work in holding space—and Katherine explore how activists often get sucked into the victim - rescuer - perpetrator vortex. They also discuss how to break free from it. This model supported Katherine, Heather, and many others to shift from white saviorism to a posture of more true solidarity. Bio: Heather Plett, is the author of the award-winning book The Art of Holding Space: A Practice of Love, Liberation, and Leadership. She also authored the recently released book, Where Tenderness Lives: On Healing, Liberation, and Holding Space for Oneself. She is the co-founder of the Centre for Holding Space, international speaker, and facilitator. Her work has been translated into a dozen languages. It has been referenced in such notable publications as Harvard Business Review and Psychology Today. Moreover, she has trained people from six continents, both in person and online. Before launching her work in holding space, Heather worked in leadership and communications in government and non-profit organizations. Having spent most of her adult life in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada, she raised her three daughters there. Heather has recently moved to Vancouver Island. Heather’s Books: Where Tenderness Lives: On healing, liberation and holding space for oneself The Art of Holding Space: A practice of love, liberation, and leadership Heather’s Courses & Offerings: The Centre for Holding Space Love Letters to Organizers: To receive new episodes to your inbox along with other nourishment for the fight ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Organizers.

Shiree Teng—community organizer, storyteller, and healer. She believes that love and courage will lead the way towards our collective liberation. Shiree speaks with Katherine about how to center radical love in our work for change. With a mixture of grace and conviction, Shiree offers guidance for how to align your life with your truth and a fierce love for yourself and others. Without cultivating love for ourselves and each other, we risk only scratching the surface, endlessly circling around the work needed for our shared liberation. A commitment to radical love makes the work rigorous. About Shiree Teng: An immigrant kid who grew up organizing, Shiree Teng has never stopped. For over 35 years. Shiree has worked as a consultant to foundations, nonprofits, and grassroots collectives. Leading strategy, measuring impact, and centering the voices of those most impacted by racism and oppression. Shiree's mission is to inspire us to prioritize love as the catalyst for our freedom. She believes that we are worthy and deserving of our liberation and insists that we start with our own radical self-love. Learn About Shiree’s Work: shireeteng.org Read: Measuring Love, Shiree’s First Brown Paper  Healing Love, Shiree’s Second Brown Paper Love Letters to Changemakers: To receive new episodes to your inbox along with other nourishment for the fight ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Changemakers.

If we are to survive the current and looming environmental and economic emergencies and grow communities in which we thrive, we need to be able to relate and work together across difference. In this episode, Carmen Spagnola teaches the building blocks for cultivating secure attachment—the ability to help ourselves and others feel safe, seen, secure, and soothed—even with people we’re most challenged by. About Carmen Spagnola: Carmen Spagnola is a Le Cordon Bleu-trained chef turned trauma recovery practitioner, clinical hypnotherapist, and kitchen witch. She is author of Spells for the Apocalypse: Practical Magic for Turbulent Times and The Spirited Kitchen: Recipes & Rituals for the Wheel of the Year. Carmen is host of The Numinous Podcast and founder of The Numinous Network, an online learning and support portal for people healing from trauma through a cross-pollination of somatics, attachment, and nature-based spirituality. Work With Carmen: Carmen’s courses on attachment and Contact Nutrition are included in her membership site, The Numinous Network: carmenspagnola.com/the-numinous-network carmenspagnola.com Read: Spells for the Apocalypse: Practical Magic for Turbulent Times The Spirited Kitchen: Recipes & Rituals for the Wheel of the Year Learn More: Collapse in a Nutshell, Numinous Podcast Episode #161 The Numinous Podcast Instagram TikTok Related Podcast Episodes from Katherine: Six Steps to Self-Resonance with Katherine Golub How Self-Resonance Heals the Brain & Helps Us Discern with Katherine Golub The Neuroscience of Human Connection with Sarah Peyton Healing Intergenerational Trauma, Part One with Francesca Mason Boring Attachment Assessments: Diane Poole Heller’s Attachment Styles Test Your Attachment Styles Over Time Love Letters to Changemakers: To receive new episodes to your inbox along with other nourishment for the fight ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Changemakers.