Conflict Decoded Podcast

Friendship. It’s one of the most important ingredients of a well-lived life. And yet, real friendship in which we can show up as and share care for our full, authentic selves, can be so hard to find—and so hard to maintain—in these times. Especially interracially, especially between white women and black women. That’s why I was so excited that my guests this week, Tanisha Arena and JAC Patrissi agreed to get real with me and share their real-life story of growing a deep, abiding friendship. About Tanisha & JAC: Tanisha Arena is a Black woman in community leadership as the Executive Director of Arise for Social Justice in Springfield, Ma. She holds a Masters in Non-Profit Management and is an educator at Growing A New Heart, where she trains regularly on Holding Space: holding affinity, anti-racism, self-education and support groups and Dialogues Across Differences of social location, including race and ethnicity. Tanisha has deep roots in the field of anti-violence work, specializing in community advocacy and responses to intimate partner violence within the LGBTQ community. JAC Patrissi is white woman engaged in kinship minded anti-racist work within a loving multi-racial transformative collective at Growing a New Heart. JAC was tutored in Popular Education by Paolo Freire and is a trained body-centered trauma clinician. She is co-founder of A Call For Change, a non-carceral helpline for people who cause harm in intimate relationships and community. Since 1989, she has been and anti-violence advocate working with survivors while learning and practicing non-carceral accountability practices for people using violence and control and other tools of dominance. Learn More from Tanisha & JAC’s Work: Growing a New Heart Learn More from Katherine: To receive new episodes along with other nourishment for the fight ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Changemakers Katherine’s LinkedIn page Center for Callings & Courage

When we look at the state of waning democracy and rising authoritarianism in the US, it can be so hard to know what to do. Because our power to impact national policy is so limited, for many of us, it can feel like our hands are tied. Yes, we can attend rallies, boycott companies that support authoritarianism, and vote in local elections. But these actions can feel small compared to the federal government's incessant violence. So, what are we to do? In this episode, we’ll share practical steps you can take now to grow democracy in your community and develop the collective strength to undermine authoritarianism. Hint: It’s all about how we engage conflicts with each other and develop our ability to widen our tent. About Jiva Manske: Jiva Manske has been organizing since he was twelve years old. He’s now a strategist, partner, and dad who works with people around the world to build powerful, transformational movements. As Director of Strategic Initiatives for the 22nd Century Initiative, Jiva works to build a more resilient, innovative, and aligned pro-democracy field. He grounds his approach in commitments to accountability through collective action, organizing led by those most impacted by injustice, and healing-centered practice. Learn more from Jiva: 22ci.org The Anti-Authoritarian Playbook The Anti-Authoritarian Podcast Harnessing Our Power to End Political Violence Learn More from Katherine: To receive new episodes along with other nourishment for the fight ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Changemakers Katherine’s LinkedIn page Center for Callings & Courage Related Episodes: Imagination is Political: Dreaming Together with Desiree Adaway How to Address Harmful Impact using Nonviolent Communication with Roxy Manning

If you ever feel overwhelmed by everything you read online, torn between wanting to keep up with what’s happening and wanting to protect your peace, or struggling in your relationship with online information in another way, my conversation with Danielle Reiff is for you. Danielle and I talk about: How to interact with online information in ways that diffuse rather than inflame conflict. How we can stay informed in these times without draining our time or energy. What to watch out for to not feed into the rumors, lies, and gossip out there. How to engage with social media and online news in ways that make us stronger, not weaker. About Danielle Reiff: Danielle Reiff is a peacebuilder, writer, and editor of Overcoming Information Chaos: A Guide to Building Peaceful Communities in the Digital Age. As a member of the U.S. diplomatic corps for twenty years, Danielle specialized in supporting democratic transitions and peacebuilding around the world. After retiring, she founded the non-partisan Peacebuilders initiative to promote empathy, dialogue, consultation, and other forms of nonviolence for advancing social change and political reform. Danielle has been a Baha’i since 1997. Learn More with Danielle:  www.peacebuildersunite.com Danielle on LinkedIn Danielle on Instagram Danielle on Facebook Additional Resources: Dangerous Speech Podcast Roxy Manning: How to Address Harmful Impact with Nonviolent Communication (Conflict Decoded episode) Learn More with Katherine: Callingsandcourage.com Katherine’s LinkedIn page To receive new episodes along with other nourishment for the fight ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Changemakers

If we are to have any chance of bringing forth a world in which all people have the power necessary to meet their needs, we must develop the governance structures necessary to wield our power effectively. In this episode, I speak with Ted Rau, co-founder of Sociocracy for All, about ways to govern our groups and organizations that empower people to work together well. We talk about: Why majority rules systems inevitably lead to conflict The difference between consent-based decision-making and consensus The four pillars of resilient organizations How to move from brainstorming to action How to experiment with new governance and new projects in safe enough ways And much more! Even if you love the people in your group and your mission, if you don’t share clarity about who decides what and how we decide, then problems will emerge. If you want your group to do what needs to be done, while avoiding power games, drama, and the decision-making bottlenecks, this is for you. About Ted: Ted is an advocate, trainer and consultant for self-governance. After earning a PhD in linguistics and working in academia, Ted co-founded the membership organization Sociocracy For All in 2016 and spends his days consulting mission-driven organizations, advocating and training on self-governance, and deeply immersed in the work as a member within Sociocracy For All. Ted is the author of four books on self-governance, which I link to in the show notes, and he has five children between 12 and 22 years old. Learn More from Ted: Sociocracy for All 75-Minute Free Video Primer on Sociocracy Ted’s Books: Many Voices One Song (2018), Who Decides Who Decides (2021), Collective Power (2023), From Here to There (2025) Learn More from Katherine: Episode with Donnie MacClurcan: Why Capitalism Makes Us Tense & What to do About it (Donnie’s organization, the Post-Growth Institute governs itself with sociocracy and is a great model for how this process can work) To receive new episodes along with other nourishment for the fight ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Changemakers Katherine’s LinkedIn page Center for Callings & Courage

In this weeks episode of Conflict Decoded, I share: One reason we often get stuck focusing on what doesn’t work, How focusing on what’s good increases effectiveness, Step-by-step instructions for facilitating Appreciative Interviews, and 2 quick questions to start team meetings with immediate connection. If you long for your team to experience greater cohesion, joy, and resilience in these times, then 'Appreciative Interviews: One Hour to Boost Team Joy & Pride' is for you. Related episodes: Appreciation at Work: How to Grow Strengths, Not Toxic Positivity How to Center Radical Love in Challenging Times with Shiree Teng Why Capitalism Makes Us Tense & What to do About it with Donnie Maclurcan Learn more from Katherine: Team Coaching Katherine’s LinkedIn page To receive new episodes along with other nourishment for the fight ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Changemakers Callingsandcourage.com

Do you have family or friends in the religious right or with vastly different political views than you? Knowing how to disagree with people you love is crucial in these situations. If so, this one is for you. About Sara: For the first four decades of her life, Sara was a devout Mormon. Then, a series of realizations called her to change course. Since then, Sara has helped thousands of high-achieving women as a master certified life coach to turn people-pleasing into personal power—guiding them to stop overextending, find their authentic voices, and lead with clarity and authority. Part of this journey often involves learning how to disagree with people you love. Through her signature Stop People Pleasing group coaching program, Sara has coached women into leadership roles, helped coaches grow thriving businesses, and supported women in building deeper, more vulnerable relationships. Her work weaves together feminist insight, nervous system and somatic tools, and her own lived experience of breaking free from religious “good girl” rules. Embracing how to disagree with people you love is a vital part of her teachings. Learn More from Sara: sarafisk.coach Instagram: @sarafiskcoach Podcast: The Ex-Good Girl Podcast Facebook Page Facebook Group LinkedIn Learn more from Katherine: Center for Callings & Courage Katherine’s LinkedIn page To receive new episodes along with other nourishment for the fight ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Changemakers

Research shows that the highest-performing teams give each other about five positive comments for every one negative comment. And yet, when things are uncertain, the stakes are high, and we feel frustrated by others' actions, it can be challenging to focus on what’s good. This week, Lana Jelenjev and I discuss how to restore this balance. We explore: Why focusing on appreciation is so challenging, How to build a habit of celebrating strengths, The connection between naming strengths and sharing our full essence, How to offer feedback without alienating people, The difference between celebrating what’s good and toxic positivity, A strengths-based approach to meeting check-ins, hiring, and performance reviews, And more. If you want a deeper connection with yourself and your important people, more flow at work, and an all-around greater sense of joy, this one is for you. About Lana: Lana Jelenjev is co-founder of the Neurodiversity Foundation and the Neurodiversity Education Academy. She is the co-author of “What’s Strong With You? and “What’s Alive in You?” toolkits for coaches, teachers, leaders, and facilitators to bridge the gap for all neurotypes to thrive. Rooted in the Filipino values of kapwa (seeing ourselves in our shared humanity) and pakikiramdam (deep, attuned sensing), Lana creates spaces for people to reconnect with themselves, with each other, and to witness and appreciate what has always been sacred. She lives in the Netherlands with her husband and two children. Related Episodes: How to Address Harmful Impact with Nonviolent Communication Why Capitalism Makes Us Tense & What to do About It with Donnie Maclurcan Learn More from Lana: Lana’s Website  Neurodiversity Education Academy Neurodiversity Foundation Lana on LinkedIn Lana’s Substack: Refugia 80 Check-In Prompts for Children Learn more from Katherine: Center for Callings & Courage Katherine’s LinkedIn page To receive new episodes along with other nourishment for the fight ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Changemakers

We often blame ourselves for the tensions of modernity. But we can become much more effective—and feel better—when we focus on the root causes of our problems. In this week’s episode of Conflict Decoded, I talk with @Donnie Maclurcan, Co-Founder and Director of Strategy at the Post-Growth Institute. We explore: The difference between capitalist and post-capitalist economies (which will likely surprise many listeners) How capitalism disconnects us from our bodies How that disconnection makes us susceptible to authoritarianism Governance structures that allow for a real circulation of power Simple steps to redistribute money and power away from the accumulative market And more. If you want to feel less guilty and focus more on the root causes of our collective problems, you’ll enjoy this one. About Donnie: Donnie Maclurcan designs frameworks, methodologies and experiences for creative collaboration and collective liberation. These include the Offers and Needs Market, the Post Growth Fellowship, the Post Growth Alliance, and Free Money Day, and an intuitive model for a post-capitalist market economy that builds on what's already working. Donnie lives on Mapuche lands in Patagonia, with his Argentinian wife and their three cats. Learn more from Donnie: Post Growth Institute Post Growth Alliance email alerts Post Growth Institute newsletter Donnie’s LinkedIn page Learn more from Katherine: Center for Callings & Courage Katherine’s LinkedIn page To receive new episodes along with other nourishment for the fight ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Changemakers.

If we are to reclaim collective power, redistribute it equitably, and cultivate the multiracial multicultural democracies we long for. We must develop the ability to read power in our institutions and our lives. We must become power literate. In this week’s episode of Conflict Decoded, I talk with the brilliant Karla Monterroso about what power actually is. How the internet and demographic shift are changing it, our relationship to it. Methods for distribution of it, and its role in a more just society. About Karla Monterroso: Karla is a strategic power-builder, transformative leader, and coalition architect. She is dedicated to supporting the leadership of multiracial multicultural institutions across sectors. As Founder and Managing Partner of Brava Leaders, she serves as a trusted coach, advisor, and strategist to organizations, social justice leaders, academics, and artists, helping them navigate power dynamics and bridge institutional divides. With over two decades of experience scaling social enterprises, Karla’s work challenges conventional management theories that perpetuate homogeneous power structures, offering frameworks designed for integrated organizations. Hire Karla: Brava Leaders Brava Leaders’ Public Sessions Learn More: Karla on LinkedIn Brava Leaders on LinkedIn The Purpose of Power, by Alicia Garza Receive Love Letters to Changemakers: To receive new episodes to your inbox along with other nourishment for the fight ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Organizers.

We are currently in a collective battle of the imagination. While the power of the 99% may be limited. We grow our power when we reclaim our ability to imagine from dominant narratives. As Desiree Adaway shares in this episode, imagining the world we long for is one of the most powerful and radical acts there is. Even if we do not live to see the fruits of our imagination, the billionaire class does not get to tell us what is possible. We get to be good ancestors. We get to choose what we long for. If you need inspiration and a soothing balm to help you see beyond the confines of our current realities, this is for you. About Desiree Adaway: Desiree Adaway, CEO of the Adaway Group, is a trainer, speaker, and consultant dedicated to intersectional race equity. And DEI change work. For over 25 years, she has helped build resilient, equitable, and inclusive organizations across all sectors. She has educated over 50,000 people on the most crucial issues of our time. She embraces the difficult conversations required to help organizations reduce harm, center equity, and build meaningful relationships while teaching others how to do the same. Desiree supports leaders and teams in upleveling their analysis and skills around identity, power, and institutional inequities that lead to lasting culture, process, and policy change. Connect with Desiree:  Instagram LinkedIn Blue Sky Resources Desiree Recommends: A Great Starter on Time The Cycle of Liberation, by Bobbie Harro The Cycle of Socialization by Bobbie Harro The Adaway Group Resources from Katherine: Your Core Values Practice: to help you imagine and center what matters most to you To receive new episodes to your inbox along with other nourishment for the fight ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Changemakers.

The daughter of Vanessa Andreotti (author of Hospicing Modernity: Facing Humanity’s Wrongs and The Implications for Social Activism). Giovanna de Oliveira Andreotti grew up facing the ongoing predicament of collapse. In this episode, Giovanna shares how facing the reality of collapse no longer destabilizes her. Instead, the wisdom she’s gleaned—and her commitment to inquiry—are helping her to acknowledge reality. Notice the ways it manifests within us, and do the hard work of choosing emotional sobriety, intellectual discernment, relational maturity, and responsibility in these times. By acknowledging the ways modernity manifests in each of us, we can begin to compost the aspects of modernity. We’ve internalized and create space to transform our relationships with one another, ourselves, the land, and our more-than-human kin. About Giovanna de Oliveira Andreotti: Giovanna de Oliveira Andreotti is a dancer/dance teacher, a member of the Gesturing Toward Decolonial Futures, a certified Warm Data Lab host, and an online course facilitator/coordinator. She holds a Bachelor's degree in Psychology from the University of British Columbia and postgraduate certifications in Climate Psychology and Embodied Social Justice. Currently, she coordinates an inquiry that maps pedagogical practices addressing complexity, complicity, collapse, and accountability. Worksheets: Rude Diagnostic Exercise House of Fear - Want - Entitlement SDMR Compass Needs List Vanessa’s Books: Hospicing Modernity Outgrowing Modernity Learn More From Giovanna & Vanessa: Rewiring for Reality Giovanna on LinkedIn Gesturing Toward Decolonial Futures Hospicing Modernity Online Course Love Letters to Changemakers: To receive new episodes to your inbox along with other nourishment for the fight ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Changemakers.

Heather Plett—facilitator, trainer, and author known globally for her work in holding space—and Katherine explore how activists often get sucked into the victim - rescuer - perpetrator vortex. They also discuss how to break free from it. This model supported Katherine, Heather, and many others to shift from white saviorism to a posture of more true solidarity. Bio: Heather Plett, is the author of the award-winning book The Art of Holding Space: A Practice of Love, Liberation, and Leadership. She also authored the recently released book, Where Tenderness Lives: On Healing, Liberation, and Holding Space for Oneself. She is the co-founder of the Centre for Holding Space, international speaker, and facilitator. Her work has been translated into a dozen languages. It has been referenced in such notable publications as Harvard Business Review and Psychology Today. Moreover, she has trained people from six continents, both in person and online. Before launching her work in holding space, Heather worked in leadership and communications in government and non-profit organizations. Having spent most of her adult life in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada, she raised her three daughters there. Heather has recently moved to Vancouver Island. Heather’s Books: Where Tenderness Lives: On healing, liberation and holding space for oneself The Art of Holding Space: A practice of love, liberation, and leadership Heather’s Courses & Offerings: The Centre for Holding Space Love Letters to Organizers: To receive new episodes to your inbox along with other nourishment for the fight ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Organizers.

Shiree Teng—community organizer, storyteller, and healer. She believes that love and courage will lead the way towards our collective liberation. Shiree speaks with Katherine about how to center radical love in our work for change. With a mixture of grace and conviction, Shiree offers guidance for how to align your life with your truth and a fierce love for yourself and others. Without cultivating love for ourselves and each other, we risk only scratching the surface, endlessly circling around the work needed for our shared liberation. A commitment to radical love makes the work rigorous. About Shiree Teng: An immigrant kid who grew up organizing, Shiree Teng has never stopped. For over 35 years. Shiree has worked as a consultant to foundations, nonprofits, and grassroots collectives. Leading strategy, measuring impact, and centering the voices of those most impacted by racism and oppression. Shiree's mission is to inspire us to prioritize love as the catalyst for our freedom. She believes that we are worthy and deserving of our liberation and insists that we start with our own radical self-love. Learn About Shiree’s Work: shireeteng.org Read: Measuring Love, Shiree’s First Brown Paper  Healing Love, Shiree’s Second Brown Paper Love Letters to Changemakers: To receive new episodes to your inbox along with other nourishment for the fight ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Changemakers.

If we are to survive the current and looming environmental and economic emergencies and grow communities in which we thrive, we need to be able to relate and work together across difference. In this episode, Carmen Spagnola teaches the building blocks for cultivating secure attachment—the ability to help ourselves and others feel safe, seen, secure, and soothed—even with people we’re most challenged by. About Carmen Spagnola: Carmen Spagnola is a Le Cordon Bleu-trained chef turned trauma recovery practitioner, clinical hypnotherapist, and kitchen witch. She is author of Spells for the Apocalypse: Practical Magic for Turbulent Times and The Spirited Kitchen: Recipes & Rituals for the Wheel of the Year. Carmen is host of The Numinous Podcast and founder of The Numinous Network, an online learning and support portal for people healing from trauma through a cross-pollination of somatics, attachment, and nature-based spirituality. Work With Carmen: Carmen’s courses on attachment and Contact Nutrition are included in her membership site, The Numinous Network: carmenspagnola.com/the-numinous-network carmenspagnola.com Read: Spells for the Apocalypse: Practical Magic for Turbulent Times The Spirited Kitchen: Recipes & Rituals for the Wheel of the Year Learn More: Collapse in a Nutshell, Numinous Podcast Episode #161 The Numinous Podcast Instagram TikTok Related Podcast Episodes from Katherine: Six Steps to Self-Resonance with Katherine Golub How Self-Resonance Heals the Brain & Helps Us Discern with Katherine Golub The Neuroscience of Human Connection with Sarah Peyton Healing Intergenerational Trauma, Part One with Francesca Mason Boring Attachment Assessments: Diane Poole Heller’s Attachment Styles Test Your Attachment Styles Over Time Love Letters to Changemakers: To receive new episodes to your inbox along with other nourishment for the fight ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Changemakers.

We have good reason to feel scared about what’s happening nationally and globally. And yet, as Sulma Arias, Executive Director of Peoples’ Action, reminds us in this week’s podcast, there are so many incredible opportunities for change in our own local communities. Whether it’s removing lead from the school playground or installing a stop sign where the kids are playing, we often have the most power to create change at home. And when we build relationships with our neighbors, we also build the power to win the next fight and thrive together. Sulma Arias brings a vision and optimism that serves as an inspiring salve for these times. Listen in and gain inspiration for how you might build power toward change in your community. About Sulma: Sulma immigrated to Kansas from El Salvador at the age of 12 and ultimately went on to lead Sunflower Community Action, where she trained organizers and built a base of volunteers to fight for driver’s licenses and tuition access for immigrants and fighting harmful policies during the Kris Kobach era. Sulma worked for (National) People’s Action on national campaigns and strengthening community organizing. And also led the Fair Immigration Reform Movement in the fight for immigration reform. And against the harmful policies coming out of the Trump administration for years. Sulma took over as Executive Director of People’s Action in 2022. And is leading the charge to build a nationwide Organizing Revival to rebuild and reinvigorate the field of organizing to build community power across the country. Get involved: PeoplesAction.org Read: The Antidote to Authoritarianism Receive Love Letters to Changemakers: To receive new episodes to your inbox along with other nourishment for the fight ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Organizers.

In part two of our conversation with Francesca Mason-Boring, we explore how to help well and shore ourselves up for the work of social justice. We discuss how to release demonizing and patronizing ways of seeing each other. And approach our work from a strong, clear place, disentangled from the traumas of the past. This podcast is part two to a two-part episode. In Part One, Francesca introduced family systems constellations and its indigenous roots of this methodology. Part Two dives deeper into key principles for transforming conflict in movement work. About Francesca Mason Boring: Francesca Mason Boring, bicultural Western Shoshone enrolled with the Shoshone Paiute. She is an internationally beloved author, teacher, and facilitator of Family, Human & Natural Systems Constellation. And Constellation as Ceremony as transformational work. Working with universal indigenous fields in family constellations, Francesca has supported the development of constellations as ceremony, community constellations, and nature constellations. Walking with the ancestors, Francesca introduces respect, and the incorporation of ancient healing wisdom traditions and ritual in life and systems constellations. Although Family Constellation may be therapeutic, Francesca does not present it as therapy. She describes this method as “one of the most profoundly beautiful healing paths that can be taken, an extension of ceremony, a road of indigenous healing.” Learn More: All My Relations Constellations Books By Francesca The Orders of Helping, Bert Hellinger Love Letters to Organizers: To receive new episodes to your inbox along with other nourishment for the work ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Organizers.

Francesca Mason-Boring is one of Katherine’s most beloved and influential teachers. She introduces listeners to family systems constellations, a profound healing modality for transforming intergenerational trauma. This podcast is part one to a two-part episode. In Part One, Francesca shares about the indigenous roots of this methodology. How it can support the healing of collective traumas that can make our work so challenging. And how we might reclaim our relationship with our ancestors. Part Two dives deeper into key principles for transforming conflict in movement work. About Francesca Mason Boring: Francesca Mason Boring, bicultural Western Shoshone enrolled with the Shoshone Paiute. She is an internationally beloved author, teacher, and facilitator of Family, Human & Natural Systems Constellation. And Constellation as Ceremony as transformational work. Working with universal indigenous fields in family constellations, Francesca has supported the development of constellations as ceremony, community constellations, and nature constellations. Walking with the ancestors, Francesca introduces respect, and the incorporation of ancient healing wisdom traditions and ritual in life and systems constellations. Although Family Constellation may be therapeutic, Francesca does not present it as therapy.  She describes this method as “one of the most profoundly beautiful healing paths that can be taken, an extension  of ceremony, a road of indigenous healing.” Learn More: All My Relations Constellations Books By Francesca The Orders of Helping, Bert Hellinger Love Letters to Organizers: To receive new episodes to your inbox along with other nourishment for the work ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Organizers.

How do we make decisions that honor everyone’s needs, even in high stakes situations? Katherine explores this question with Miki Kashtan, founder of the Nonviolent Global Liberation community and the creator of Convergent Facilitation. In these times, we need new, revolutionary processes to help us get underneath the surface of our conflicts and listen for what is truly needed. Convergent Facilitation can help us widen the aperture of our imagination, hear the deeper needs beneath the strategies we argue for. And arrive at durable decisions that all coworkers, collaborators or coalition members can feel good about. Miki’s Offerings: Miki Kashtan is dedicated to distributing leadership, power, and vision within all of her offerings, so her work can outlive her. Check out her transformative offerings here: Convergent Facilitation Nonviolent Global Liberation The Fearless Heart Nonviolent Activism for Liberation (monthly coaching calls for activists around the world) Love Letters to Organizers: To receive new episodes to your inbox along with other nourishment for the work ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Organizers.

Have you not known whether to speak up when hearing someone make a harmful comment? Wondered how to center the impacted person without causing further harm? Or what to say when you do speak up? If so, I hope you’ll tune in to the latest episode of Conflict Decoded—How to Address Harmful Impact with Nonviolent Communication—with clinical psychologist and Nonviolent Communication trainer @RoxanneManning. Nonviolent Communication (NVC) has been one of my closest allies in learning to speak up as a bystander to harm. This episode offers a basic primer on NVC and a practical exploration of how to use NVC to speak up about harmful impact. Whether you’re brand-new to NVC or a long-time practitioner, if you’re committed to communicating skillfully—especially as a bystander to harm—I think you’ll get a lot out of this actionable, rich conversation. About Roxy Manning, PhD. Roxy Manning, PhD is a clinical psychologist and certified Center for Nonviolent Communication trainer with decades of experience interrupting oppressive attitudes and cultural norms. Dr. Manning has worked, consulted, and provided training across the US and internationally with organizations working to move towards equitable and diverse workplace cultures. She also works as a psychologist in San Francisco serving people experiencing homelessness and disenfranchised mentally ill population. She is the author of How to Have Antiracist Conversations: Embracing Our Full Humanity to Challenge White Supremacy and the co-author with Sarah Peyton of The Antiracist Heart: A Self-Compassion and Activism Handbook. Dr. Manning also cohosts the podcast, Fierce Compassion with Sarah Peyton. Links to Roxy Manning’s Resources: Roxannemanning..com How to Have Anti-Racist Conversations, by Roxy Manning The Anti-Racist Heart, by Roxy Manning and Sarah Peyton Roxy’s Workshops & Trainings The Fierce Compassion Podcast, with Roxy Manning and Sarah Peyton Resources from Katherine related to Nonviolent Communication & this Podcast: How to Make Skillful Requests (NVC-Style Journaling) Why We Get Stuck & How to Shift Perspective The Neuroscience of Human Connection, Podcast Episode with Sarah Peyton The Emotions Wheel & Feelings List The Needs List Additional Resources: Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, by Marshall Rosenberg Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication, by Oren J. Sofer

Earlier this year, I experienced a conflict in my role as a city councilor that was very hard for me to understand. It was one of those moments that felt very confusing. Like what was going on had way more to do with dynamics below the surface, in the group’s unconscious, than it had to do with the actual content we were discussing. In an effort to make sense of things, I discovered the field of systems psychodynamics or group relations. Learning about the topics we discussed in today’s episode—projections, projective identifications, valences, scapegoating, BART (boundaries, authority, role, and task), and more—helped me make sense of what was going on and repair trust in a trying time. Today’s Guest: Dr. Tracy Wallach In this episode of Conflict Decoded, I speak with Dr. Tracy Wallach (PhD, MSW), an expert in systems psychodynamics, about how understanding group dynamics can illuminate the root causes of conflict and pave the way for healthier, more effective teamwork. Tracy is a leadership coach, advisor, trainer, and Senior Lecturer in the Gender, Leadership and Public Policy Program at UMass Boston. She brings decades of experience in helping leaders and teams navigate the complex terrain of human behavior within organizations, offering a perspective that blends psychoanalysis, open systems theory, conflict transformation, and group behavior insights. Tracy’s expertise in systems psychodynamics has guided countless leaders toward self-awareness, clarity, and constructive conflict transformation. In This Episode, We Cover: 1. How to Identify and Address Scapegoating in Teams: Scapegoating happens when a group’s problems are unfairly pinned on one individual, which often masks deeper group issues. Tracy shares ways to recognize when scapegoating is at play—like when a single person is consistently blamed—and explains how to shift focus back to the team’s shared responsibilities. By encouraging open discussions, you can help the group see the bigger picture and avoid the trap of assigning blame to one person. 2. Practical Tools for Discerning Between Projections & Useful Feedback: Projections occur when someone unconsciously attributes their own feelings or traits onto another person, which often creates confusion in conflict. Tracy explains how to discern whether feedback reflects genuine concerns or is actually a projection. She suggests pausing to ask yourself whether the feedback resonates with your self-perception or might reveal the other person’s unresolved feelings. With this clarity, you can approach conflict with empathy and a clear perspective. 3. Using Your ‘Valences’ to Take an Effective Role in Teams We each bring unique tendencies, or "valences," into group settings, often unconsciously stepping into roles that align with our strengths and personalities. Tracy introduces the “role biography” exercise to help you reflect on how these tendencies have shaped your past roles. By visualizing your history within various group settings, you gain insight into the roles that suit you best and can choose where you’ll thrive within your current team. 4. The BART Model: A Guide to Clarifying Roles and Resolving Conflict: The BART model (Boundaries, Authority, Role, Task) is a powerful tool for creating role clarity and cohesion within teams. Tracy recommends starting with a shared understanding of the group’s mission and task, then discussing roles with team members to align expectations. This model helps prevent misunderstandings and gives teams a structured approach to resolving conflicts rooted in role confusion. Episode Highlights: "Once we understand how unconscious patterns affect group behavior, we can bring new awareness to our teams, helping to unlock healthier ways of relating." "Often, our struggles in conflict have less to do with individual behavior and more to do with unresolved dynamics in the group as a whole." "The BART model provides leaders with a way to assess and realign roles, authority, and boundaries, clarifying the path to a stronger, more cohesive team." Reflective Prompts for Listeners: Think of a time when you felt tension in a team. What role did you play, and how might group dynamics have shaped your experience? Consider how projections might be showing up in your team. Is there someone being held responsible for issues that may reflect broader group challenges? Reflect on the concept of valences. Are there tendencies you bring to work situations that influence your role within a team, consciously or not? Resources Mentioned: Tracy Wallach’s YouTube Channel: Group Relations Theory and Practice – for more in-depth insights on systems psychodynamics Role Biography Exercise Video: Watch Here The BART Model Article (Boundaries, Authority, Role, Task): Read Here Connect with Dr. Tracy Wallach: Website: tracywallach.com LinkedIn: Tracy Wallach on LinkedIn Instagram: @dr.tracywallach Join Dr. Wallach’s Online Group Coaching Program: Learn More Hear More Episodes & Receive Love Letters to Changemakers! Stay connected for more insightful episodes on understanding group dynamics, transforming conflict, and building resilient, compassionate teams. When you subscribe to my Love Letters to Changemakers, you'll receive personal reflections, powerful insights, and practical guidance straight to your inbox—delivered every two weeks or so. These letters are crafted to uplift and inspire you, offering the support and clarity you need to make a bigger impact with ease and joy. I’d be honored to share them with you!