What's it like to live in the US

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit livingintheus.substack.comWhat if what we say result in one of the most famous lines in history?Hi, everyone-Remember this line from Roosevelt’s speech after Pearl Harbor attack?“A date which will live in world history infamy”As you can see, this sentence was no accident. It was edited from “world history” to the resounding and now famous word, “infamy.” Which sounds trite and easy. Except we know making things sound easy is … not quite so easy. First off:* How did he arrive at this word with surgical precision?* How did he do it after just finishing a routine lunch in the office?* How did he even first heard the call, when his mind was on a simple stamp album project?The goal of these questions is beyond historical. It’s personal. Will we have the same composure, when it’s time for us to bear news of a beloved’s death? Will we create something as timeless, when life—recession, mockery, warfare, misfortune, epidemic, demotion, ridicule, embarrassment, or whatever else—takes all that we own? And will we have the same efficient resolve when it’s our turn?I sure hope so. But hope isn’t good enough. That’s why I want to peel the layers of Roosevelt’s timeless speech in this week’s episode on efficient edits. So that you’ll never be caught unawares, should the time come for you to write something … that the world should never forget.Given the speed of social media, this could very well be tomorrow. Let’s take a look at: * The 3-page black-and white manuscript copy of the President’s pencil-annotated draft,* What topics he chose to include (and more importantly, which he left out),* The Earned Ownership principle the President used, to deliver a precise speech. * The 7-step crescendo of urgency that anyone can use to form an ideal text body.Scroll up to download and listen to this episode. Or,Scroll down to read the transcript.-ThaliaPS: Other episodes or articles on facing the unexpected from the archives, in case you missed it: SEASON 2, EPISODE 5Behind the writing (and torpedoing) edits of a famous White House speech(Music: Silhouettes by Tobias Voigt. License Code: 8IDBGGC5WXLDYLAU)

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit livingintheus.substack.comWhat if everything was set against you from the beginning?Hi, everyone-Ever wonder if certain things are just dead-set against you from the start?It certainly looks like it when we’re dealing with an impossible colleague, boss, coworker, partner, spouse, flawed system, medical system, and even government. And when that happens, I’m always thinking:* I guess I’ll just have to put on ‘a good attitude.’* What was that manifestation system that that book said again?* This system sucks. They should fix their problems. Not me.* “Mind over matter,” “Mind over matter,” “Mind over matter,”* Never mind. It’s over. It doesn’t matter. Now:How do I get out of this hell?This week, I’ve dug up an archival message from a Navy Seal and Admiral who deconstructs how one Navy cohort deals with the notoriously bone-breaking and soul-crushing Hell Week—the baseline physical test the US Navy uses to select the nation’s toughest. According to some:“Hell Week is considered to be the hardest military training in the world. It is a week of continuous military training during which most classes sleep for a total of two to five hours over the course of the entire week.” -Eric Greitens“The instructors used our suffering to pick and peel away our layers, not to find the fittest athletes … That’s something the quitters didn’t understand until it was too late.” -David Goggins“Hell Week involves waking soldiers up to gunfire on a Sunday and forcing them to exercise, jump in cold water, and go without sleep until Friday.” -David Goggins“Lined up on the beach during suset, Hell Week students get to say goodnight to the sun and hello to the drop in temperature each night.” -Chris Sajnog“A Navy Seal told me that most guys trying to be a Navy SEAL don’t make it through Hell week because they’re dreaming for it to be over.” -Jon GordonSounds like a miserable time. But I don’t think you need to just be going through physical adversity to be going through Hell Week. Hell Week is the on-and-on-ness of any thankless state. Hell Week is the visible invisibility of growing old. Hell Week is the unrecognized lump in your throat when your kids, grandkids, parents move away to places you’d be lucky to visit once every year or two. Hell Week is losing the job you don’t even love. Hell Week is wanting the freedom to call the shots so badly that even freedom refuses the call. Hell Week is being ridiculed for what you believe in by people you trusted.Hell Week, if anything, is … human week. This is why, in between wiping the kids’ milk off the floor and wondering when I’m going to hear back from my doctor this week, I put on the headphones and thumb through hours of research. And that’s when I learned that there is a different approach to going through ‘Hell Week,’ according to Admiral William McRaven’s message.In this episode:* “It is six days of no sleep … a muddy bog that tests …”* “My training class [was] looking to weed out the weak of mind …”* “The mud consumed each man until … “* “The instructors told us that we could all leave the mud—if just five men quit.”* “There were still eight hours to go before the sun rose … And then, …”What I found from his account is that, to my surprise, toughing it out and a bunch of mindset stuff just isn’t going to do it.There’s something else. Something else that makes the sunrise come sooner. Scroll up to download and listen to this episode. Or,Scroll down to read the transcript.Thanks for being here,-ThaliaPS: If you want to catch up on similar themes from the archives, here are a couple as a refresh.SEASON 2, EPISODE 4Toughing it out isn’t the answer, says Hell Week(Music: Silhouettes by Tobias Voigt. License Code: 8IDBGGC5WXLDYLAU)

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit livingintheus.substack.comHi, everyone-Sometimes the problem with life, is the question of how to get out of a situation.* A job. An impossible coworker.* A divorce. A silent treatment. A fight.* A passive-agressive relationship.* A situation that never improves.* Or simply the general feeling of being behind in just about everything.Though most people have smiles plastered on their faces around Christmas—I mean, how could you not, when thoughts of heart-warming chocolate drinks and cleansing snow abound—inside, sometimes there’s just something that is still … OFF. Something that each of us are still prisoners of.This week, I’ve dug up a special archival speech-to-text letter from someone who actually was a Prisoner of War. I wanted to know:What does one have to really say to oneself, to turn a situation from: prisoner for life … to Life, Unimprisoned.Let’s find out. You can either:* Scroll up to download and listen to this episode. Or,* Scroll down to read the transcript.Thanks for being here,-ThaliaPS: If you want to catch up on similar themes from last season, here are a couple as a refresh.SEASON 2, EPISODE 3The freeing Christmas words of a prisoner(Music: Silhouettes by Tobias Voigt. License Code: 8IDBGGC5WXLDYLAU)

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit livingintheus.substack.comIs being under-oath really freedom? Secret Service Oaths and the Kennedy assassination explain …Hi, everyone- I spent a ton of time this week to really think about what freedom means. When I came to America, the whole slogan of ‘freedom of speech’ sounded good. It sounds really good, actually. But that’s not the whole story, isn’t it? * Would someone who’s made a vow to a partner be free? * Would a parent who served their child day and night ever be free? * Would a grandparent who now has to face assisted living be free?* Would an unknown with a dream be free of their dream’s demands?* Would secret service under oath to protect their country ever be free? Especially if they have to protect the very people they loathe?Freedom is one of those things that we just could never understand enough. Including in the last half of our lives. Which is why, this week, I’m taking a closer look at:The Secret Service Oath of Office This is the vow secret service officers take before serving their country, the president, the vice president, and former presidents. These are the men and women in black who, in the movies, look like they run the world—when in reality it’s the world that tend to run them over. Let’s find out their take on service and oath, what freedom means to them, and what really happened when all were tested during the Kennedy motorcade assassination.*Listener discretion is advised.Let’s get started!SEASON 2, EPISODE 2Is service the secret to freedom?* “We flew up to the Air Force base and got there shortly after the baby was born. But there was a problem with the baby … With his lungs.”* “Previous to that, generally in public they didn’t really show really any emotion. It wasn’t so obvious that they were so in love. But after that …”* “And all of a sudden, I heard this explosive noise over my right shoulder in the rear.”* “I saw the President grab at his throat …”* “She was trying to grasp some of those materials that came out of the president’s head. And she did manage to get a hold of some of them. And had it in her hands.”

Is there such a thing as progress without worry? Especially if you want to be in control of how you get there?There’s a lot of noise out there. And it’s easy to lose control. But what if the answer is *not* so much in tightening our grip? And what if it’s in the art and science of directing our body to solve a puzzle. Just like a climber would when he’s going up a vertical wall.I'm here chatting with Eddie Taylor, who is a chemistry teacher turned Patagonia athlete and mountain climber of Denali, Aconcagua and Mount Everest, of course. Oh, and let’s not forget his role as “booger-blower” father—which might just be more impressive than Everest. Listen to this episode if you’re curious about ways to gain unworried control of your life. And in case you’re out and about without WiFi later, download this episode now.Music: Silhouettes by Tobias Voigt (License code: 8IDBGGC5WXLDYLAU)Previously: Stretching Manhattan with American farmsIn this episode:The ups and downs of solving a puzzle with your bodyOn deciding between two good optionsWhich is the best places to live in America?Minnesota v. Arizona v. New Mexico v. Colorado v. CaliforniaThe unexpected joys of the call to teach, climb, and parent“There's no one that looked like us there”Navigating money and safety in the HimalayasThe difficulty of clouding difficulty with dangerSouth America: “Friendships changed through that.”Teaching the pattern and chemistry of controlled successEpisode 12 TRANSCRIPT THALIA TOHAI actually wanted to start with your day job as a chemistry teacher, which is super cool.Why, why chemistry?Is that something that you've always been interested in?Something that you've always loved when you were little or?On deciding between two good options: Chemistry vs. MathEDDIE TAYLORWell, I can't say that chemistry was the most interesting thing to me.Um, I graduated high school and I did really well with numbers.And so I went to college, I came out to CU in Boulder and I studied math.And I kind of dabbled in a lot of the different sciences and kind of through that whole process of trying to figure out what I wanted to do.I had no idea, but I had taken a lot of different sciences.I realized if I could take two extra classes, I could get a biochemistry degree.And basically when I graduated, I didn't really know what I was going to do still.And I started working in a restaurant.And eventually I just applied for any jobs that I could use my biochemistry degree or my math degree in.And I started working in a water treatment facility.So I was a chemist looking at water, analyzing things.And, but during that time I started coaching and working with kids.And when I started doing that, I kind of found that that was the thing I really liked doing is working with kids and seeing them grow, especially the high school age where there's a lot of unknowns in their lives.And so I quit my chemistry job and I found out that the best way I could work with kids more is to teach them chemistry.So it was more about like that connection with kids, not necessarily about the subject.Like I've taught math before, I've taught chemistry.I really enjoy coaching and working with kids in that aspect, but I think the academics is super important too.THALIA TOHAAnd you happen to be very outdoorsy, which is really great.What's kind of the centering thing in your life that keeps you from, okay, well, this is a lot of, you know, grading that I have to do for, you know, for school, but this is also this other thing that I want to keep up with.The unexpected joys of the call to teach, climb, and parentEDDIE TAYLORIt's really hard to climb as much and as well as I want to, and then be as good of a teacher as I want to be, or be as good as a parent as I want to be.So I try my best.But I mean, the reality is, I'm not the best at everything all the time.Me and my wife stick to a pretty regimented schedule that I think helps a lot.Like we have our workout times in the morning.We have the days that we're taking care of the baby and which really it helps but it's all I think it's just impossible to do everything well all the time.THALIA TOHAI know that there are some listeners who are also probably first-time parents or second-time parents, third-time parents.What's kind of been the most surprising aspect in your opinion?EDDIE TAYLORI really thought that becoming a parent would change our lifestyle drastically and we would, you know, not be able to travel, not be able to spend this much time working out or all the other things that we do.And it's funny because it's changed our life a ton. But it's all been good changes. Being able to like go on camping trips with our little girl and to be able to even just like the things that you thought would be gross, like are sucking the snot out of her nose when she's sick.You're like, oh, that's just what you do.That's completely okay.I don't know.So that all that stuff where you just like as a non-impairing your life.Who would ever do that as a parent?I'm like, okay, yeah, it just makes sense.You want to make sure that they're okay as much as possible.THALIA TOHAI know you say as a non parent, it's gross.But I think to me, even now thinking about it, I'm still really grossed out by it.So I mean, you're a better parent than I am.Because, of course, for the non parents, Eddie's talking about this device, right, that you have, like, it's kind of like a tube.And then there's a thing that you put up against your mouth, you suck on it so that and you put the other end up against your daughter's nose when they're stuffy, and you're trying to relieve them. So anyways, again, Eddie's a better father than me and my husband.So you have, you know, your baby, you have teaching.And of course, you have the outdoors.Do you think that people have kind of lost touch with the outdoors a little bit?Is it because we're so dependent on, you know, whatever our cars and the modern life and all the necessities and comfort that is great, but then there is also the hesitation.A lot of people have expressed to me that they don't even like camping.They're scared of hiking long distances.“There's no one that looked like us there”EDDIE TAYLORMy mom, she grew up in Chicago and she didn't, she didn't spend a lot of time outdoors.She didn't spend a lot of time outside of the city, but she got a job after college going to work in the Native American reservations around the country.And so we moved out to Canto, Arizona, this really small town, nothing like inner city Chicago.And that was kind of my first experience with the outdoors.We literally … There's no one that looked like us there.There are no other black people. There were barely any other.There was basically barely anybody else who wasn't Navajo on the reservation.And we didn't, we didn't speak the language. Which there is a secondary language that a lot of people speak there.We didn't really know what to do on the weekends.One of my mom's coworkers invited us to go camping one weekend.That was kind of like our first foray into the outdoors.And we had to drive two hours because the town was really small.It's like 3000 people. One stoplight.So we drove two hours to get our camping stuff, right?We went to Walmart.We got a tent.We both got sleeping bags.Well, me and my mom and my sister, we just did what I do now. When I was really young. Just getting that exposure going camping every weekend. Going and seeing these places. Doing all these nature hikes. As a little eight year old, you don't love it. Maybe some kids love them. But I know I didn't feel like it. I was forced to go walking. But now, you know, I do it all the time.THALIA TOHAWhat's your decision making process on places to live?Because I know that when people move around a lot. And I've moved around a lot. It's always challenging to not go, well, it's better on the other side, like the grass is greener, I want to go there.Which is the best places to live in America: Minnesota v. Arizona v. New Mexico v. Colorado v. California?EDDIE TAYLORWell, I went to high school in Minnesota.So my mom's job that took us to all the different Native American reservations, we went up to Minnesota.I had lived in Arizona.I lived in New Mexico.I learned to ski when I was younger as well.And to be honest, when I lived in Minnesota, I was like, man, I really miss being out West.I want to go back out West and kind of when I was telling you a little bit earlier, but my mom never really pushed me in any direction.She said, okay, if you do well in high school, we'll try to figure out how you can go to whatever university you want to go to.I did OK in high school.You know, I got pretty good grades.I applied for scholarships and I applied to the University of Colorado because I knew that's, you know, where there's mountains and there's things to do.And that's kind of how I decided to come here.And then once here, I actually got involved in sports and started spending most of my time doing track and field.And but once I graduated, I was like, there's no way I'm going back to Minnesota.And so I just stayed here.And Minnesota is a great place.It was a great place to grow up.I'm not trying to put it down, but I mean, it's like in Colorado.You know, you get 70 degree days in December.Sometimes, you know, it's kind of nice.Since college, I looked around, we decided, or we talked about potentially trying different other different places and whatnot.And it always comes back to like, we think we live in the best place for our lifestyle.You know, like, we live 45 minutes from an airport.We live close to the mountains.We're pretty centralized, we can go see our family in Minnesota.My wife has some family in California.We spent a lot of time in Seattle in the summer because we have summers off and we're always like, man, we could live up here until the clouds come.And I'm like, no, I couldn't.I don't know.I couldn't be in that much like that much cloudy weather every day.THALIA TOHAI wanted to ask you about

If you have to choose between family life and career, which would you choose? What about relationship vs. success? Parenting vs. ambition? Settling down vs. living the dream?Does it really have to be one or the other? What if your friends and family gave everything up so you can start somewhere?Italian immigrants started coming to America on boats. Some arrived in Ellis Island, New York. Some in Texas. The Hungarians, Catholics, and many others did the same. Including Estonians.I’m here today chatting with Stephanie Sarka and Eva Karlotta from 1 Atelier and Farm to Arm. Inspired by their long heritage of Italian, Hungarian, Estonian grandparents, new standards of what makes things handsome—and armed with a deep experience at Coach, Wall Street, Harvard, Stanford University, and a $1.6 billion sale of GoTo.com to Yahoo—We talked about:* The challenges and triumphs of being a late stage single parent* Coming into the US from a small country for school or work* What the Italian, Hungarian, and Estonian grandparents really had to say about immigrating to America, and many more.Listen to this episode if you’re curious about ancient philosophies of life from the Italians, Hungarians, and Estonians. Especially immigrants who came to America with $20 in their pockets. And find out how they really did it.—In case you’re out and about without WiFi later, download this episode now.Music: Silhouettes by Tobias Voigt (License code: 8IDBGGC5WXLDYLAU)Previously:Backing their career without slashing yours: Disentangling the motivations for solo, modern, family, and married life in the USIn this episode:On being a late stage single parent in the concrete jungle of New YorkNavigating hard-to-live-up-to expectations of happy parentingFighting to have what you want, when you want it, how you want itOn changing our biology with fertility treatments and IVFsOn being multi-lingual, moving to the US for work or school from a small countryWhat people really misunderstood about moving to a new place and starting anewHow the Italians and Hungarians came to New York and Texas by boatOld Ellis Island & New York immigration: What it’s really likeItalian and Estonian philosophy of lifeOn quiet determination, careful reservation, and the courage to continue walkingEpisode 10 TRANSCRIPTOn being a late stage single parent in the concrete jungle of New YorkTHALIA TOHAI want to start, Stephanie, actually with you and your daughter.You are a late stage single mother. Which is, I mean, that is an accomplishment in and of itself. I think, because that is something that few people can do.And so it's, it's kind of your own superpower there.I'm kind of curious if you can tell us more about how that came about and what are some of the personal challenges that you may have faced.STEPHANIE SARKAShe's nine and going on 19. All of a sudden the ripped jeans and the rolled eyes are starting. But anyhow, we got a firm handle.THALIA TOHAAnd did you have her while you're building 1 Atelier? Or is that something, did you have her before?STEPHANIE SARKAYou know, when I got back from GoTo.com, which was just kind of massive in every way. But it was also just this total upheaval of my life.The woman I'd worked with in the management team, one woman said, you just need to go and get a life. And I probably took her too seriously.When I got back to New York, I really just thought, “You know, I'm not committing to anything.”So I did a lot of things. But I always had one leg in and one leg out.Cause you know, tomorrow I was going to either get married or be pregnant or both.And I really didn't make it my mission when I got back to New York to just kind of get out there, you know, create the life that I was meant to have. And certainly initially I thought that was going to be with a husband. But you know, after being on the merry ground for many turns, uh, that just didn't sort out the way I was hoping it would.And at least not with the right person.Navigating “hard-to-live-up-to” expectations of happy parentingSTEPHANIE SARKAI was crystal clear that I didn't want to be in one of the situations that were so stressful where it wasn't working. And I will be honest. I worked with somebody after a big breakup. I think she thought I had a very what's the word kind of aggrandized view of my parents marriage. And she'd always say things, “Oh, it sounds too good to be true.” Which was her kind of way of being provocative and trying to punch a hole in my balloon.And then long story short, she saw a big photo book of when my family got together after my mom came out of all her cancer treatments.And she started crying. And she said, “I get it. You have that family. I see it in your connectivity, your eyes, how you interact. And very few people get that marriage.You know, there's a lot of compromises. And if you're looking for what your parents have, you should be prepared.”The thing with California cryobankers, is that they're very egotistical. And they all think they have the magic bullet. So I probably had 10 rounds, you know, nobody should have that many rounds of IVF. So now I always worry about the consequences, which I constantly watch for. But every time you go to somebody, they know they can solve it.So I just kind of worked that, you know, every couple rounds, I'd go to a new doctor. So I went to every major clinic in New York. You know, to the point where I kind of realized: I needed to have something important to wake up for in the morning.And I was spending a lot of time working for a lot of other people, an investor here and advisor there. You know, a little bit here, I was working in China and London. I mean, I had this great jet setting life. And none of it was really my own, you know. I was making some money. I was investing and doing things I liked. But I thought, “Well, I need to get a real reason to wake up in the morning.”And if it's not going to be a child, then …Or I'm going to find a child in a different way than I thought. And then, you know, lo and behold, I went to a doctor in New Jersey, and got pregnant.Fighting to have what you want, when you want it, how you want it: On changing our biology and fertility treatmentsTHALIA TOHAAnd how long was that process of, I know with fertility treatments, you never know.And it could be anything from a couple of months to years.STEPHANIE SARKAYeah. It becomes consuming.THALIA TOHAAnd I think the thing that a lot of people don't know is that with fertility treatments changes your biology, it really disrupts your life in major ways.STEPHANIE SARKAIt does. And also it just changes your life view, right? Because I always had this vision of what that was going to look like. And now, you know, clearly I'm raising a child on my own, which I never had a concern about really. But not having a child was a bigger issue.It just kind of rocked my world. First, I just always loved children. I was babysitting newborns at 10 years old. And so I've always been in that milieu. And that was just in my mind a big part of what i wanted my life to be. Secondly,  If I was completely rational—which I wasn't sometimes when I was thinking about this because it gets very emotional—as you may know, if you're ambitious and a driven person, you just think you haven't found the magic formula yet.But if you work hard or talk to more doctors, stand on your head while you're drinking wheat grass juice, you know, whatever it is today: that you're going to have that baby. And maybe that's true, because I had my baby.But on the other hand, I went through some crazy contortions. But I knew at some point, if I really wanted to, I could get married still. The child thing, I knew, even if it wasn't biologically, at some point, it's just not realistic.I kind of think I'm on the cutting edge of on the cusp of what's even realistic or ethical, you know. And you want to be around and be a vital, active participant in their lives, you know. And I'm on the bikes and the scooters.On being multi-lingual, moving to the US for work or school from a small countryTHALIA TOHABecause there's so much pressure for women nowadays to have amazing careers.And of course, if you're in New York and the coasts, and you have all these aspirations and ambitions that you want to do as well, right?And I'm not saying you, but the general “you.” Then you kind of start looking at that time frame and understanding, “Oh, okay, well, there's some sacrifices to be made.”Not necessarily the ones that you want to make as well. And for me, in the early years, that's definitely how it was. I don't know if you felt that way as well.I felt like, well, I don't really want to you know stay away from my work too, too long. I want to do a good job with it. But then I also want to be a good parent. But there's also that very human reaction. And I think the result is where you realize that sometimes it feels like you're kind of not doing a great job at either, you know.But I wanted to actually ask you later in just a little bit—I'll go to you Eva in just a minute here—about your family structure. Because especially when it comes to parenting and having kids, sometimes the smaller family units … I get why it's useful and important and all that, but there's also drawbacks to it. You don't have the support system from uncles and aunts. And you know, grandma and grandpa who do all these things.But we'll talk about our families in just a minute.Eva, I want to get with you. You came from Estonia, is that right?EVA KARLOTTAYes. And tell me about why you first came to the US. Was that for work or for school?EVA KARLOTTAIt was for work. So I got a scholarship from a program, which is kind of connects the Baltic states in Europe and American foundation. So they are sending, as they say, young talents from the Baltic countries to the States. And give their scholarship. And then they can find a work or professional internship that I can work at. And so I applied for the program. I got in.I had my first interview

If you have to choose between family life and career, which would you choose? What about relationship vs. success? Parenting vs. ambition? Settling down vs. living the dream?Does it really have to be one or the other? What if your friends and family gave everything up so you can start somewhere?Italian immigrants started coming to America on boats. Some arrived in Ellis Island, New York. Some in Texas. The Hungarians, Catholics, and many others did the same. Including Estonians.I’m here today chatting with Stephanie Sarka and Eva Karlotta from 1 Atelier and Farm to Arm. Inspired by their long heritage of Italian, Hungarian, Estonian grandparents, new standards of what makes things handsome—and armed with a deep experience at Coach, Wall Street, Harvard, Stanford University, and a $1.6 billion sale of GoTo.com to Yahoo—We talked about:* The challenges and triumphs of being a late stage single parent* Coming into the US from a small country for school or work* What the Italian, Hungarian, and Estonian grandparents really had to say about immigrating to America, and many more.Listen to this episode if you’re curious about ancient philosophies of life from the Italians, Hungarians, and Estonians. Especially immigrants who came to America with $20 in their pockets. And find out how they really did it.—In case you’re out and about without WiFi later, download this episode now.Music: Silhouettes by Tobias Voigt (License code: 8IDBGGC5WXLDYLAU)Previously:Backing their career without slashing yours: Disentangling the motivations for solo, modern, family, and married life in the USIn this episode:On being a late stage single parent in the concrete jungle of New YorkNavigating hard-to-live-up-to expectations of happy parentingFighting to have what you want, when you want it, how you want itOn changing our biology with fertility treatments and IVFsOn being multi-lingual, moving to the US for work or school from a small countryWhat people really misunderstood about moving to a new place and starting anewHow the Italians and Hungarians came to New York and Texas by boatOld Ellis Island & New York immigration: What it’s really likeItalian and Estonian philosophy of lifeOn quiet determination, careful reservation, and the courage to continue walkingEpisode 10 TRANSCRIPTOn being a late stage single parent in the concrete jungle of New YorkTHALIA TOHAI want to start, Stephanie, actually with you and your daughter.You are a late stage single mother. Which is, I mean, that is an accomplishment in and of itself. I think, because that is something that few people can do.And so it's, it's kind of your own superpower there.I'm kind of curious if you can tell us more about how that came about and what are some of the personal challenges that you may have faced.STEPHANIE SARKAShe's nine and going on 19. All of a sudden the ripped jeans and the rolled eyes are starting. But anyhow, we got a firm handle.THALIA TOHAAnd did you have her while you're building 1 Atelier? Or is that something, did you have her before?STEPHANIE SARKAYou know, when I got back from GoTo.com, which was just kind of massive in every way. But it was also just this total upheaval of my life.The woman I'd worked with in the management team, one woman said, you just need to go and get a life. And I probably took her too seriously.When I got back to New York, I really just thought, “You know, I'm not committing to anything.”So I did a lot of things. But I always had one leg in and one leg out.Cause you know, tomorrow I was going to either get married or be pregnant or both.And I really didn't make it my mission when I got back to New York to just kind of get out there, you know, create the life that I was meant to have. And certainly initially I thought that was going to be with a husband. But you know, after being on the merry ground for many turns, uh, that just didn't sort out the way I was hoping it would.And at least not with the right person.Navigating “hard-to-live-up-to” expectations of happy parentingSTEPHANIE SARKAI was crystal clear that I didn't want to be in one of the situations that were so stressful where it wasn't working. And I will be honest. I worked with somebody after a big breakup. I think she thought I had a very what's the word kind of aggrandized view of my parents marriage. And she'd always say things, “Oh, it sounds too good to be true.” Which was her kind of way of being provocative and trying to punch a hole in my balloon.And then long story short, she saw a big photo book of when my family got together after my mom came out of all her cancer treatments.And she started crying. And she said, “I get it. You have that family. I see it in your connectivity, your eyes, how you interact. And very few people get that marriage.You know, there's a lot of compromises. And if you're looking for what your parents have, you should be prepared.”The thing with California cryobankers, is that they're very egotistical. And they all think they have the magic bullet. So I probably had 10 rounds, you know, nobody should have that many rounds of IVF. So now I always worry about the consequences, which I constantly watch for. But every time you go to somebody, they know they can solve it.So I just kind of worked that, you know, every couple rounds, I'd go to a new doctor. So I went to every major clinic in New York. You know, to the point where I kind of realized: I needed to have something important to wake up for in the morning.And I was spending a lot of time working for a lot of other people, an investor here and advisor there. You know, a little bit here, I was working in China and London. I mean, I had this great jet setting life. And none of it was really my own, you know. I was making some money. I was investing and doing things I liked. But I thought, “Well, I need to get a real reason to wake up in the morning.”And if it's not going to be a child, then …Or I'm going to find a child in a different way than I thought. And then, you know, lo and behold, I went to a doctor in New Jersey, and got pregnant.Fighting to have what you want, when you want it, how you want it: On changing our biology and fertility treatmentsTHALIA TOHAAnd how long was that process of, I know with fertility treatments, you never know.And it could be anything from a couple of months to years.STEPHANIE SARKAYeah. It becomes consuming.THALIA TOHAAnd I think the thing that a lot of people don't know is that with fertility treatments changes your biology, it really disrupts your life in major ways.STEPHANIE SARKAIt does. And also it just changes your life view, right? Because I always had this vision of what that was going to look like. And now, you know, clearly I'm raising a child on my own, which I never had a concern about really. But not having a child was a bigger issue.It just kind of rocked my world. First, I just always loved children. I was babysitting newborns at 10 years old. And so I've always been in that milieu. And that was just in my mind a big part of what i wanted my life to be. Secondly,  If I was completely rational—which I wasn't sometimes when I was thinking about this because it gets very emotional—as you may know, if you're ambitious and a driven person, you just think you haven't found the magic formula yet.But if you work hard or talk to more doctors, stand on your head while you're drinking wheat grass juice, you know, whatever it is today: that you're going to have that baby. And maybe that's true, because I had my baby.But on the other hand, I went through some crazy contortions. But I knew at some point, if I really wanted to, I could get married still. The child thing, I knew, even if it wasn't biologically, at some point, it's just not realistic.I kind of think I'm on the cutting edge of on the cusp of what's even realistic or ethical, you know. And you want to be around and be a vital, active participant in their lives, you know. And I'm on the bikes and the scooters.On being multi-lingual, moving to the US for work or school from a small countryTHALIA TOHABecause there's so much pressure for women nowadays to have amazing careers.And of course, if you're in New York and the coasts, and you have all these aspirations and ambitions that you want to do as well, right?And I'm not saying you, but the general “you.” Then you kind of start looking at that time frame and understanding, “Oh, okay, well, there's some sacrifices to be made.”Not necessarily the ones that you want to make as well. And for me, in the early years, that's definitely how it was. I don't know if you felt that way as well.I felt like, well, I don't really want to you know stay away from my work too, too long. I want to do a good job with it. But then I also want to be a good parent. But there's also that very human reaction. And I think the result is where you realize that sometimes it feels like you're kind of not doing a great job at either, you know.But I wanted to actually ask you later in just a little bit—I'll go to you Eva in just a minute here—about your family structure. Because especially when it comes to parenting and having kids, sometimes the smaller family units … I get why it's useful and important and all that, but there's also drawbacks to it. You don't have the support system from uncles and aunts. And you know, grandma and grandpa who do all these things.But we'll talk about our families in just a minute.Eva, I want to get with you. You came from Estonia, is that right?EVA KARLOTTAYes. And tell me about why you first came to the US. Was that for work or for school?EVA KARLOTTAIt was for work. So I got a scholarship from a program, which is kind of connects the Baltic states in Europe and American foundation. So they are sending, as they say, young talents from the Baltic countries to the States. And give their scholarship. And then they can find a work or professional internship that I can work at. And so I applied for the program. I got in.I had my first interview

If you dedicate your life to others, is it selfish to persist in what you want? What about if you’re married? Or if you’re in a committed relationship?Either way, what exactly would you do if you have to choose between your own advancement. And that of the person you love?How should you support the careers of your wife, husband, partner, or anyone you care about—without sacrificing your own? If there is such a thing.Are you in the school of Oscar Wilde? Who found that:“Ultimately the bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or in friendship, is conversation.”Or are you like Amelia Earhart, who shared:“You must know again my reluctance to marry, my feeling that I shatter thereby chances in work which means most to me.”Whichever one you resonate with, being committed to someone, or even something, is not easy. It’s even harder when what you want, is not the same as what they want. Let alone if both parties have sacrificed so much. And if both feel indebted to other friends and families who have made them who they are. And if both have much to prove.The question is: what would you do? Would you continue in supporting the career of your wife, husband, partner, whoever else? Would you sacrifice your own career and dreams for theirs? Or is there another way?Eugene Baah went from living in poverty-ridden government housing in the UK, to learning from his mother from Ghana, to playing for the British Nationals and junior Olympics, to entering the Ivy Leagues, to working with Philadelphia 76ers, Slack, Microsoft, and Afriex, to then becoming a proud father of 5 (yes, FIVE!),Listen to this episode if you’re curious to find out about how to support the careers of your wife, husband, partner, or anyone you care about—without sacrificing your own. —In case you’re out and about without WiFi later, download this episode now.Music: Silhouettes by Tobias Voigt (License code: 8IDBGGC5WXLDYLAU)Previously:NBA's Allen Iverson and Philadephia 76ers' advice to a young man: "You're wasting your time if ..."In this episode:Scarcity v. contentment: Which a bigger motivator?The childhood hero who was unaware of his corrosive motivationPositive v. Negative sources of motivation: Better things that keep us goingThe surprising revelation of being on the wrong path: The only thing to doNavigating strength in numbers: “How many kids should we have?”Supporting your partner’s interests without having to give up yours Why gratitude through paying back isn’t always easy, even if you want to The powerful luxury of sending money homeThe awkward 10-minute post-meal check that has nothing to do with the total amount dueEpisode 9 TRANSCRIPT Scarcity v. contentment: Which a bigger motivator?EUGENEAnd so just being able to go to different types of people, people who are significantly younger than me, and just be like, hey, I don't really know what's going on here.Do you want to take a look?Can we look at this together?And not feeling like I have to have all of the answers.And so I do remember specific times or places where I'm in that computer lab and I'm going through those range of emotions.THALIASo what did you do specifically to be able to sit comfortably with kind of being like, just borrowing your words, being the dumbest person in the room? Do you then just kind of, you know, take a couple steps back from the computer or whatever it is that you're doing and then going, okay, and just kind of in your mind going through certain things.Do you tell yourself something?Do you turn off the computer?Do you grab a snack?Like, what did you do? Is it stillness?Or was it kind of like a quick kind of gear shift almost?EUGENEIt's more of like a quick gear shift by just going to the root of like, like, where's this feeling coming from?And it's usually if it's coming from a place that I deem as negative, thenI want to kind of put it aside. So am I concerned about the way people may view me? Is that positive? So I may view that as something negative. So it's not a situation where I don't care about anyone else. No, I do respect the people around me.But, I can feel like the idea that you need to please everyone around you could be harmful. And so when I'm recognizing that it's coming from a place of maybe insecurity, I really want to make sure that I check that.You know, so it's really like holding a gentle but honest mirror to yourself and just like, hey, like, where is this coming from?THALIAYeah, and it's sometimes the things that you see in the mirror, you don't always like what you see.EUGENEYou don't like what you see. And I know people who don't have mirrors in their house, for that reason, or step at a scale, right? Because they don't want the number.THALIAI was thinking about this because I was talking to somebody else about why we have trouble accessing certain thoughts like this where you're aware, “Oh, this is a negative emotion. I'm just worried about—I have a fear of man. I'm worried about what people think of me.”I think it's very hard for people to access and acknowledge that.I know that we live in such a fast pace and modern world and everything is go, go, go.I remember even just taking long walks for a long time, you know, it was hard for me because A, I felt bored, but then and B, I was like, “Well, what's the point in this?”I felt like I was wasting my time.But then it started to get to a point where I go, why am I? Why did I think that this is boring? Why do I think that this is a waste of time? Oh, maybe it's because I was, I think that maybe I don't like having a riot of thoughts in my head when things are kind of oh this is a to do list that I'm not getting done right or maybe I don't like the idea of just quietly being with myself and just looking around and being content.That's the other thing, too.I think contentment is so hard to find these days.And, you know, you're always constantly having an input right in front of our eyes and our faces.EUGENEYeah, I think that's that that can be an issue. I think for me, I'm at the point where I've become pretty good at not caring what others think.So I find that I'm trying to continue to have the same drive that I had growing up, even though I don't have the same scarcity that I had growing up.And thinking about how I can now help my kids who are growing up in a very different socio-economic status than from what I grew up in and making sure that they are happy but at the same time driven.I've been around a lot of people who are just extremely talented but don't know how to get from A to B or don't have the desire to do it, And that to me was pretty sad to see when you see this talent being wasted because life is so short and you only have one life.And so I really want to continue to maximize the life that I've been given for sure.THALIAYeah, it's almost like if you see kind of like a tree and it's, it doesn't have any enough soil or something and it can't grow to the size that it can, or the root, it can't take root, you know, because it doesn't have room to spread.It's kind of like that.I wonder, you mentioned scarcity and drive.Do you think that scarcity is a bigger motivator for the drive?Or do you feel like people with abundance and who have a lot actually have a harder time being motivated? What do you think?EUGENEI think that it's easier to use scarcity as a source of motivation.It's more like a negative source of motivation for me, right?Like I put that in the same bucket as revenge or proving my high school teacher that I'm smart. People used to tease me in high school or middle school. Those are all negative sources of motivation. But they're extremely powerful and it's possible that they can get you very far. But once you get there and those things no longer are there then what happens you either potentially start creating new things um more negativity so that you can continue to be fueled.The childhood hero who was unaware of his corrosive motivationAnd I saw that one of my favorite players growing up was Michael Jordan. He was the most motivated, most driven guy. Then I remember listening to his Hall of Fame speech. And he was literally calling out [everyone who didn’t believe in him. “What I hated,” “Because you did this to me,”  or “I used to do,” And I was just like, “Wow, this is so messed up!”And I realized then that I didn't want to be motivated that way.And so what I'm trying to do is find more positive sources of motivation, because they're more stable sources of power.Those negative forces that we spoke about earlier, they're extremely volatile. And they're toxic. They don't make you a great person to be around sometimes, right?And if you're working this hard and you're going on this journey, hopefully you don't want to do it alone.Hopefully you want to be around people that want to be around you.There's no reason why that really challenging journey can't be fun and enjoyable as well. So that's why, unlike Michael Jordan, who was a childhood hero of mine.I really think there are other ways in which to be highly motivated but make sure it comes from positive sources.So scarcity to me is just not a stable source of motivation because at some point that scarcity will no longer be there.Then how do you continue?THALIAThat speech that he gave was really, that was, I had the same feeling when you were so ready to celebrate somebody and you're cheering him on and you're like, “Wow, look at him.” Because especially if you, like you look at him as a childhood hero. At that point, I wonder if you were realizing, “Wow, he doesn't really quite have everything that maybe you wanted.” That contentment and happiness.Yes, he has success.But it's probably a long time to hold on to that resentment.It can't possibly be easy to be that angry and vengeful that whole time, you know, it was painful to watch.EUGENEAnd at some point, I'm going to show that video to my kids. And get their reactions as well.But I've been around at Princeton. I'm sure you, too, you were surrounded by highly moti

The formula that’s been shoved down our throat seemed simple. Upward mobility. Work hard. Do great things. Maximize your potential. Do your best. “Go big or go home”. And this leads us to pounding the pavement very early on in life. We’ve been sold this idea that a certain type of work, life, income, job, education, advanced degree, and place of living, all would make us happier. Until we realize that it’s never enough. And that after every upward turn, is another push towards getting lost in the noisy hustle culture. So what’s the antidote of this? And what is there to do if you’re never enough and yet you are living in the US?* Is it to learn everything faster? If so, what is the real secret to learning anything fast—even if we’re not the smartest, not the youngest, and not the fastest person in the room? * Is it to stay on one path forever? Never switching from one interest, passion, or field to another? What if we feel like you want to do too many things? Do we just label this as lack of focus? * What if we want to switch from something purely artisanal to high-earning mainstream corporate? Is that selling out at every upward turn? * What about if we are going the opposite direction—from earning a handsome income to simplifying into the essential? Is that the freeing antidote to feeling like you’re never enough if you live in the US?What if: “In some cases, you end up in places, and jobs, that don’t love you.” And we find ourselves in our 30s, 40s, and even 50s, realizing we’ve dedicated our life’s work into something that would not support and stand by us when we need it the most—fearing every layoff rounds, every recession cycle. All the while living in the US. What if what you do at work makes you feel like you’re constantly having to be show off, having to prove your worth, and measure up. Listen to this episode if you’re curious about what to do if you’re never enough. And find out the freeing antidote to feeling like you’re having to sell out at every upward turn.—In case you’re out and about without WiFi later, download this episode now.Music: Silhouettes by Tobias Voigt (License code: 8IDBGGC5WXLDYLAU)Previously:A Mothership Thanksgiving: The only real differences that matter between living, studying, and making meaning in US, Africa, and UKIn this episode:On working with NBA’s Allen “the Answer” Iverson Staying in one profession vs. having multiple different paths: The Microsoft ChronicleThe difference between metric of fulfillment vs. metric of successVice Presidents and Medical Doctors: Whether prestige, degrees, and ladders are worthwhileTV, Observed: On the real influence of Succession and Cosby ShowThe unsaid and hidden price of carving your own pathThe junior Olympian who sucked, an All-American nightmare, and how not to suck at your jobLearning just about anything at any age: Coding in your 30sUS Philadephia 76ers' unexpected advice: "You're wasting your time if ..."Episode 7 TRANSCRIPT TV, Observed: On the real influence of Succession and Cosby ShowEUGENEIt was really challenging to imagine a version of yourself that doesn't exist in that society. Right, but you would look across the pond. And it's funny because America would have TV shows like you remember the show Dallas and Dynasty.  They're basically like these, these weekly soap operas that talk about opulence and wealth in the US and you think that that's how America is, right?Dallas in particular is about this old family that it's almost like succession. Like this morally corrupt, wealthy oil family in Dallas, right? And they made their money from the oil. And this was based in the the show came out like I think in the late 70s to early 90s right. And so these are the things I grew up watching I was like wow this is how people in America live and then the other show was the Cosby Show. The Cosby show was amazing for me because that's the first time I saw a successful black couple. I never saw that on TV in the UK. And you had the mom who was like, “yo!” That's she's just like my mom. She's strong. She's witty. She's caring. But this woman was an attorney. And her husband was a doctor. And they have these five kids. And they have this house in Brooklyn. And I was like, “Wow, like if I go to America, maybe I could have that!”So I just never viewed the UK as presenting opportunity for someone that looks like me.I just didn't see it.THALIAAnd were there moments that you were like, “This is hard. I just want to go back to the UK.” Or “This is way easier to just not be that.” I don't know if that exists at all.The unsaid and hidden price of carving your own pathEUGENEJust leaving my friends and the people that I grew up with.Knowing that I could start to see our world just go further and further apart. And some of the people that I went to school with … They were able to talk to their middle school friends and their childhood friends. And they still were close with people that they grew up with. And I didn't have that. And I knew that I probably wouldn't have that.Because as I was getting older, some of the people that I grew up with, were getting involved in crime. Or, having kids. Or just doing different things that I was doing.And so even when I did try to have conversations with them, just the things that we were focused on, they were just very different.And so that was the biggest challenge, because I knew that I was going down a path where there was no turning back.And so I would say that was probably the biggest challenge for me.And then in terms of what really helped me is that I had to get good at becoming, being able to see a version of myself that didn't exist yet, because everything was new.Everything was uncharted territory.And I had to do things that my guidance counselor probably didn't think was possible in terms of where I wanted to apply. I had to do things that most of my peers didn't think was possible in terms of career choices. I ended up becoming a professional athlete.And a lot of people, you know, at my high school, that wasn't something that was a reality for them. So after college, I, so throughout college, I was playing for the British national team.I played in the Junior Olympics. I played basketball. And then after college, I went to play in Italy and in Belgium.And I played there for two years after college. And I sucked. I sucked.THALIAWhat do you mean you suck?The junior Olympian who sucked, an All-American nightmare, and how not to suck at your jobEUGENELike I wasn't, I wasn't so mentally … I was a perfectionist.Like I was, I was afraid to make mistakes. And I would rather shoot four shots and have all of them go in. As opposed to shoot, you know, 10 shots and only have five of them go in.And so I was very conservative in terms of the way I played.And that impacted my team's performance and people's expectations of me. Because in practice, I'm just playing free and I look like an All-American, right?And I get into games and I'm just very tense because I'm afraid to mess up.And I wanted it so bad.After seeing that in my basketball career, I got to the age of like, you know, 24.And I'm like, you know, I'm probably not going to make it to the NBA.So I can have a good career plan in Europe.Yeah, I came back to the US.In Philadelphia, I used to go to the UPenn gym.To go work out in the off season. And the Philadelphia 76ers players will come and work out with other professional athletes from Philly. And so I would just play. And then one day, somebody was like, “Who are you?” And they're all, “This guy … He's just a local kid or whatever.” And somebody there was an agent. And he was like, “Oh, did you used to play for Princeton?”And he looked me up. That gave me the validation. And then I started playing with the 76ers players. And they were like, “So what are you trying to do?” “You’re trying to get a tryout with the team or what?”And I'm like, “No, I'm just trying to get in shape and go back to Europe.”And then I remember speaking with one of the players and he was like, “What are you trying to do long term?”“I want to go and become an entrepreneur and eventually do something related to sports.”And so he introduced me to the general manager of the 76ers.And I was given the opportunity to just go in there, put together my resume. I just started working there for free. Just do whatever they wanted just to get some experience. And then they were like, “Since you're here so often, we might as well just start paying you.”And so that's how I got my job with the 76ers.And what was really interesting about that time is that I always had this guilt of leaving some of my friends, people that I grew up with behind.So I started working with the juvenile justice system there.On working with NBA’s Allen “the Answer” Iverson EUGENEAnd at the time, the 76ers had this guy Allen Iverson, who was like this Hall of Fame player. But when he was younger, he got in some trouble. And ended up in the juvenile justice system and nearly lost his career.So I was able to connect with Allen Iverson.And tell him about some of the work that I'm doing with these juvenile facilities and basically trying to help the kids assimilate back into the Philadelphia communities. And he would allow me to bring them to the games. And they would speak to him after the games and so forth. So, it just really just was a great experience from that standpoint.I learned so much.The challenge was there was no future for me really in the professional sports leagues. Because they don't have traditional training management programs.Philadephia 76ers' unexpected advice: "You're wasting your time if ..."EUGENEI remember speaking to the CFO of the Philadelphia 76ers.His name was Andy Spicer. And he told me that, “You know what, I think you're wasting your time here. You know, you're a smart person. I've listened to the questions that you've asked a senior man in the office. You're better off getting a job, working there for, let's say, 10 years, five years, and the

One heavy but necessary question today:Ever been an outsider everywhere you go?If you’ve had multiple geographical origins, you might know what this means. But I wonder if true places of belonging, is not necessarily geographical.“It is not down on any map; true places never are.” - Herman Melville, The Whale.It might just be about something else.Having been thrown into something entirely new—a new environment, a new city, a new job, a new interest, a new work situation, a new friend group, a new country even—makes us ask these questions.If you’re ever curious about what exactly is the real difference between the US and UK (and even Africa)—especially when it comes to living, working, studying, and making meaning—this is the episode for you.Everyone, your family, and your friends, are always watching. And when you realize that you or your family might be spending $50,000 per year on your future, there is a responsibility to know everything there is. Especially about the real differences between living, studying, or even just making meaning in the US and UK. It’s even better if you can go inside the brain of someone who had done it 10, 20, and even 30-years ago. Someone who had the chance to go through a self-examination on what that experience is like. * All the things they did right. * Everything that went wrong. * How you can avoid making the same mistakes. * And how to prevent imposing those same mistakes to your loved ones.Especially if you’ve bet on a good education. Like an Ivy League school. Or six-figure jobs. Investment banking. Medicine. Law degree. Software engineering. Or even sports. Yes, those things sound good. And they make us feel good. But are they right for you? Are they right for your friends? Are they right for your kids? And if you’ve already done all this and you’re looking back at your experience as a youth, would you agree with what people told you?Living, working, studying, and making meaning in the US is not *quite* the same as in the UK, Africa, or anywhere else in the world. And the only real differences that matter, can only be told by people who have gone through the exact same thing. Eugene Baah has had 30 years to reflect on this. He went from living in poverty-ridden government housing in the UK, to learning from his mother from Ghana, to playing for the British Nationals and junior Olympics, to entering the Ivy Leagues, to working with Philadelphia 76ers, Slack, Microsoft, and Afriex, to then becoming a proud father of 5 (yes, FIVE!),Listen to this episode if you’re curious to find out about what it’s really like to be living, working studying, and making meaning in the US versus UK. And about the only real differences that matter after a 30-year self-examination.—In case you’re out and about without WiFi later, download this episode now.Music: Silhouettes by Tobias Voigt (License code: 8IDBGGC5WXLDYLAU)Previously:The firm non-secret to being enough: An engine-room look at surviving what we createIn this episode:From wanting brand-name corn flake cereals in the UK to thanking mother in the US [A journey]The 1-mile Perspective Shift: Squatting in ditch, fetching water from the river, and being jeered at for being spoiledLong distance relationships: What non-residents really think of UK and USMother Ship and Ownership: Buying a house in the UK with humble amounts, and then moving to the US An eye-opener: “It wasn't until I got to America when I realized what I didn't have.” Is it easier to be motivated when you don’t already have something?On whether money really brings happiness: the disconnected pursuit of happiness in what we do (not) haveBehind the Ivy league pearl gates: street-level reality vs. fiction and what everyone should knowEpisode 7 TRANSCRIPT THALIAWell I wanted to start actually with Ghana.Now this is a country that I've heard so much about.I've never been there before and I know that you grew up in the UK but your family is from Ghana and I wonder. During the times when you were visiting as a child, or maybe recently you've been visiting Ghana, but what was your perception on kind of the major differences between sort of that Western culture and the culture as you understand it, the modern Ghana?What were some key differences that you've seen?EUGENEYeah, actually, as you're bringing it up, I remember a specific trip when I was seven years old. I was obviously raised in the UK and we lived in government housing, right?And I remember specifically complaining to my mom that we couldn't get name brand cornflakes, right?We would go to the grocery store and we would have like these, the no-thrills orthe Tesco brand cornflakes, right?And I was like, Mom, I want the name brand.I want the Kellogg's.I want the, you know, the characters on there.And I remember making a big stink of it.And then my mom got the regular, you know, you know, non name brand cornflakes.The 1-mile Perspective Shift: Squatting in ditch, fetching water from the river, and being jeered at for being spoiledEUGENEAnd I remember going back to Ghana with her and she took me to her village in Ghana.And I remember the first day, I asked to use the bathroom. I was pointed outside and I went outside. And there was a hole in the ground and a plank of wood. I had to squat to use the bathroom. In this ditch. Then afterwards they were like, “You need to go get your water because you're going to need to bathe and we're going to use some of it to cook. And so I went with my cousins that I just met right away.” And we had to walk maybe a mile to the river to get the water. And then carry the water backs on our heads right and so by the time I got back. I was drenched with water and everybody was laughing at me. It was like European you know you're so spoiled.I tell that story because now I'm a father of five. I grew up thinking I was poor up until that moment.I realized how fortunate I was and from that moment on, it just gave me a different perspective on just my own situation and knowing that it can always be worse.There are people that have it far worse than me.It also made me amazed at what my mom was able to do in terms of one generation, how she went from that to giving me what I have right now.So just imagine what I should be able to do. So it's almost like a pressure for me to make the same type of leap that my mom has made. Which is huge. Coming from a place where she grew up with no plumbing. To the point where she lives comfortably. Is able to travel the world. And business class and so forth.It's a huge leap.And when I think about what she's done, I think about, OK, what can I do to put my kids in a similar position?So my mom's motivation was primarily just for her kids. She wanted to create a better life for her children.And she felt like education was the way to do that. And in the UK you had free education and they had these programs where you can take these nursing courses. And then you could come to the UK. And be a midwife. That's how she got into health care and nursing. They were recruiting people from other places in the commonwealth. My mom participated in that programand she went and took her kids.And my father stayed behind. He was like, “No, I'm going to stay in Africa. This is where I'm from.”And so that was her motivation to find a place where she could educate her children.THALIAWow.So she moved in.Was she an adolescent at that point?Or she was kind of a late adolescent?EUGENEShe was older, she already had my two older brothers and my sister at that point and she moved and then she went back to see my father and obviously became pregnant and then came back to the UK again and had me and so that was the experience and that's how I came to be born in the UK.THALIAWow.So your dad stayed behind, which I think, I don't think people understand just quite how that is like. Especially if you're born here in the US and understanding the separation that families, that they had to go through, especially in your parents' case, they were long distance for, and I don't know how often she went back right to Ghana while she was in the UK.Was it like once a year, once every five years, do you remember any of that or?EUGENEYeah, it was at least once a year because my dad at the time was an airplane engineer for Ghana Airways.So we used to get free plane tickets.And so we'll go back every year and my oldest sibling stayed with my dad.I guess my dad thought that my mom was going to run away.I was like, “the security policy”.And so my older brother stayed with my dad until he was 18.And then just came running to my mom was like, Hey, I'm coming to stay with you.THALIASo did you know your older brother a lot at all?Or did it feel like he was kind of like a distant cousin almost since you're so far away from each other for most of the year?Long distance relationships: What non-residents really think of UK and USEUGENEYeah, I didn't know him that well.He was just this person I was aware of when I went back to Ghana.I would see him. And it was kind of interesting because my dad had other children. And I would go back to the UK and eventually he would come. And what I'd later find out is that his perception of us was that we were just living this amazing life in Europe. We were rich and we were living in government housing. But relative to where the perception outside of the UK was that if you're here. Then you're instantly, you're automatically rich and wealthy.And so he thought that we were the spoiled siblings who had it good.THALIASo that must have made him kind of resentful at some points.EUGENEBut you know what?But amazingly, like when I think back on it, he's just been, he's been like the father figure for me.Like when he came back to the UK, when he came to the UK, he was working at a pizza hut.And I remember my mom saying to him, you know, you, you need to do better, you know, this person's son is a doctor, this person's son is a lawyer, you know, what are you doing?And he kind of had this chip on hi

If you’re even just mildly curious about the truth behind how some of the best outdoor filmmakers create a documentary, a jungle andventure and survival show—this episode is for you. Some, like philosopher Carl Jung, believe that: “The creation of something new is not accomplished by the intellect … But by the play instinct acting from inner necessity. The creative mind plays with the objects it loves.” Jung might be on to something.Even when we’re not working, and we’re watching our favorite show, we’re benefiting from this play instinct. The final result of this play instinct is often: Art. Wherein,“Art is the elimination of the unnecessary.”- (Pablo Picasso)Creating something meaningful, whether it’s writing, acts of service, or films, falls into this act of active play. Especially if you live in the US and filmaking is a present-day necessity. The question is, how do the best outdoor filmmakers create, emulate, imagine, and even record real-life jungle survival scenarios? What about when everyone involved is used to living in modern settings all across the US and worldwide?Would the camera crew, the equipment, the weather conditions on location—all increase the risks of harm from the elements? When does jungle survival filming actually become a survival situation? And how do the best outdoor filmmakers cope with this … yet still create something beautiful?Hazen Audel, a biologist, wilderness expert, teacher, artist, adventurer, and presenter of National Geographic’s Primal Survivor on Disney+ — talks about his time with some of the best outdoor and jungle survival filmmakers.Listen to this episode if you’re curious to find out about the pros and cons, the good and the bad, what’s real and what’s not, behind the scenes truths about how the best outdoor filmmakers make things possible, how they survive what they create, and how you can do the same.—In case you’re out and about without WiFi later, download this episode now.Music: Silhouettes by Tobias Voigt (License code: 8IDBGGC5WXLDYLAU)Previously:Inside a lone hunter's brain: From asking an unpopular question to being on National Geographic.In this episode:Creating something meaningful vs. fulfilling what’s required of us.US network television, survival shows, and the superhero image.Overcoming unknown factors: Snake handling.The age-old respect for the overlooked: a 10-year project.Handcrafting an un-cheap world one brick at a time.The 1890s object that taught one man how to build a house from scratch.Uncharted places on earth: a bucket-list problem.Gaining momentum with our craft without losing ourselves.Episode 6 TRANSCRIPTCreating meaningful art vs. fulfilling what’s required: US network television, survival shows, and the superhero imageTHALIAThere's a fascination, particularly with survivor shows and the curiosity, if you will, about whether things are real or unreal, right? I think maybe that goes back to what you were saying. We've been so far away from nature. We've been so apart from it that maybe when danger actually does present itself, or real plans and real animals are in front of us, for people were watching or listening, they don't believe that it's real, you know, and they go, Oh, maybe that’s staged, or maybe that's, you know, all of these things. I don't know, what do you think about that? HAZENWell, I try to be pretty candid and honest about it. I'm making a television show. And all I can do is to show it to the best of my abilities of what I've experienced, and make it as real as possible. But you know, it's still a job. And like I said, somebody's paying for this show to get made, whether it's Discovery Channel, whether it's in so they have to get what they paid for. Yeah, when each one of these episodes that I get to do, bash, and we've made 80 some episodes now. So I've been able to invest a month or two in all of these different places around the world, 80 or 90 times. You know, it's pretty awesome. But with each episode. We get about 16 to 17 hours of footage of just my experience. And it's whittled down to 44 minutes. Those episodes, because you have to have time for commercials and everything else that pays for the full thing. Um, so they're pulling out the very best parts and making it. This is an exciting adventure show. And I do love it. It's great but so much of it has to fit a format, has to fit a feeling. And it's kind of, it's upsetting, you know, if I could, if I could have the magic wand every single show would be so incredibly different, because we're going to go to incredibly different places all around the world. Some places are nice and mellow and really sedate. Some people, some places are just in your face action fonts, but the ratings get the place. That's … no show made a great rating where you're just kind of sitting there peacefully in a chair and big enough potatoes. You know, it's just. Yeah, never won any awards for that, or, you know, you don't get recommissioned, right? So for people to get a little bit of a glimpse of what these people's lives are like, you gotta make a television show. I am. My show is pretty unique because. Think that we have the top caliber professionals donning. I mean, if you look at it, it's very proud, artistically, and cinematographically. It’s incredibly well shot. Very beautiful. And has all the … This is the best show out there. I don't want to say that it's a survival show though. It's just a unique show, and it's an adventure, and it's an exploration. It's got lots of great animals, hopefully, and it's got a lot of things that I love to be with and love to talk about. But there are. Other survival shows may try to categorize this show as a survival show, where. You know, there's some other stick to it. You know, you've got to be naked, or you've got to be tied together, or you have to just continually be suffering, or you have to be alone.No, and, and there are some, there were some. And I think that makes for good television. But they don't want to chance that. And so that stuff never makes the cut. So that makes it look like I'm a superhero. And I don't, I want everybody to recognize that these things that I learn are not a superpower. Like I said, all in our DNA, we all have the ability to learn this stuff and be familiar with it and do it. It's just A, you just practice and get yourself familiar with it. And well, anyhow, yes, the show has a lot of action, but there's a lot of elements about these travels that I get to do that, well, I get to have a podcast with you and talk about these other parts about it that are really important to me. And maybe, hopefully, there will be a network out there or something that will allow me to have this sort of television show and that really shows much more of my experience. THALIAYeah, well, and so much is changing, I think, in that medium anyway. You know, like when national, I mean, you've been doing national geographic for a long time, and that was in the kind of TV format. And now that it's streaming, it's kind of a different audience, slightly, right? And so much is changing. Which is, it's good and bad, you know, we’ll call it what it is. But I think to the point of people trying to kind of see whether or people saying, oh, that's real and that's not real. I mean, that's such a generous gift. What you're doing and what your crew and staff are doing. It's a lot of work. And not just the 16 hours of footage. It's all of the months of preparation and all of that. So I think, you know, it's …And we're entertained by it. We're interested. And we're learning, you know. So I think as long as that goal is achieved, and it kind of touches us in on a human level, you know, it's really, it doesn't have to fit into certain category, I don't think it can just be on its own and have its own merits, which I think is really fantastic. HAZENYeah, I think, I think, to make a television show, you're making art. And is art real? When I am out there and we are filming, I’m so much on my own. I'm in my own world. I'm still the same kid that I was in grade school, where they are all resting, and I'm out with a flashlight or something, or or in the muck all night long, looking for, I just can't stop, like, that's what I love to do. And I see things that I want the world to see. So a lot of times I'll catch snakes or something. And the camera people are miles away, and they're sleeping, and they're exhausted. Overcoming unknown factors: Snake handlingHAZENAnd so if there's anything, a lot of times I recognize that I have a snake. I wanna show it off. And so the cameraman wasn't there. So that's the one thing about these things are like, sometimes I'll see a snake in. You gotta make sure that the camera sees it, or it's just not. It's like the tree. If the tree falls in the forest, does it really fall? It takes me and catches a snake, and nobody sees the snake. Is the snake even in this world? THALIAAnd it's, it's kind of true for written, written work as well. And to your point, these stories and things that these artisans that you encountered have done, if it isn't documented in one form or another, that stand for just art. HAZENFortunately, we're in such wild places that nature is usually right under our feet while we are filming. So when you get those magic moments where you can get in real time and encounter with, say, for example, a snake, and you see it right there, and the camera is running already, and it's all there, that's pure magic to me. I wish life was like that, because, yeah, I'm constantly going looking for stuff. And those are all the animals that are in the show. And all the things that I see are things that I'm living with. I just have to make art with it and make sure that everybody else can see it. THALIASo now it's almost like that kind of live art aspect of painting the canvas on the go, which is, which is really cool. I think a lot of big mountain skiers talk about meaning lines as well in this way, where every, you know, the

“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.” - Henry David Thoreau.Do you agree with Thoreau? * How exactly do you live in the modern world without selling your soul to something you don’t believe in? * Is the point just to work constantly, day in and day out, with a quiet desperation and need to get out—known only to ourselves? * Is this the real reason why many feel lonely, even when they’re surrounded by friends and family?If you’ve ever had to suddenly leave everything you know and love, to start a new life somewhere, temporarily or permanently—you’ll know what this means. Whether you’re an avid traveler, researcher of the world, foreign student, immigrant or you just moved to a different city and state while you’re living in the US—this happens. The reason why loneliness happens—even around friends and family—has long been assumed to be due to physical solitude. But how come research by the National Institute of Health suggests that loneliness happens to as many as 80% of those under 18 years of age—during a season of life when one is likely to be surrounded by friends and family?Listen to this episode if you’re curious about the real reason why we feel lonely, even when we’re surrounded by friends and family, and if you want to know how exactly a National Geographic adventurer went from obscurity to getting paid doing what he loves. —In case you’re out and about without WiFi later, download this episode now.Music: Silhouettes by Tobias Voigt (License code: 8IDBGGC5WXLDYLAU)Previously:Capsizing the pressure to be self-made: A cautionary tale of the blood thirst for being enough in the US In this episode:Observing the Lone Wolf ideology in the US and worldwide: Is it better to go at it alone? Inside the mind of a real hunter: What really goes on during the dayThe origins of the individuality model: The rise and potential fall of an ironclad industry?Going where no one wants to go: Findings from a 10-year journey into the unknownTalking to others without really knowing what you’re doing: A riverside chronicleMaking difficult decisions: On whether to keep doing what you’re doing, or to leaveBuilding an Achilles-worthy muscle tone: from lifelong mastersEpisode 5 TRANSCRIPTTHALIA: This is something that 's been bugging me a lot, because, you know, because, …. You know, you mentioned standards of measurements being very different in these different parts of the world. And here in the US, everything is about how much money you make, or how successful you are. And it's almost like we are gaming our life into getting as much, or as many things, Let's just get as much done as possible by our 20s or 30s, right? And then there's no thinking. And there's, there's thoughtlessness almost in after that. So it's almost like there's no guidance. And then we're just kind of saying, “Oh, if you get all these degrees, accolades, it's all these things, then everything about your life is going to be great. But personally, I’m going to be very real right now with everyone. It's just kind of, and for a while, I thought that was like, well, yeah, of course. That's just how you're supposed to progress in life. But then when I had my kids, it was just, it was absolute pain of realizing that I, I need to sleep, and I can't sleep, and I have nobody to turn to. Like, that's just kind of the feeling of that. Which shouldn't be the case for most parents and moms and dads. And I remember stories from my mother told me stories. And, close your ears … this can get pretty graphic, but she was raised in the similar situations that you were describing, where the flock and the herd, everybody is involved. And so she was, it was just groups of kids always traveling everywhere. And even when I was a kid in Indonesia, it was just a group of kids. There's never really any adult. Occasionally you'll get, like, the 8 year old or 10 year old, 12 year old who's kind of the person in charge. And we just literally roamed the streets. We just went everywhere. Nobody cares. HAZEN: It was safe. You never had to worry about the weird neighbor because they weren't. Those people would all treat you as if they were your own. That's what I see in so many places in the world where in the United States, you would think of them ass-backwards or, you know, primitive or third world country. And I think it's because of our society, like I was saying, we give accolades to those independent, go-getters. You know, I think we cherished them. “Oh, he's such an individual. He's so unique.” And that is great. That is great. And we can do that. But it creates a lot of … “Everybody is so different.”They’ve been so self absorbed, or individual. Nobody's accountable. So you can get get the weird rapist dude who lives down the street. And there’s no accountability. That he’s there. And I think in most places in the world, everybody knows each other so well that everybody is held accountable, and everybody is loved. Everybody has a common goal.THALIA: Everybody sort of knows each other to the point that, again, this might be the graphic bit, so everybody can cover their ears. They want to. But I remember my mom telling me that she was wet nursed by everybody who's in the community. And so there's never really any kind of pressure for, you know, moms and dads to take on everything on their own. It's always assumed that you'll have the support of everybody around you, right? And that you will support everybody around you as well. Observing the Lone Wolf ideology in the US: Is it better to go at it alone? THALIA:So I want to talk about the … Sort of this image that seems to be projected a lot in a lot of these survival shows that you see today. That Lone Wolf superpower. And I kind of get, production-wise, why that happens. But is there sort of like a gamification of the culture where people are daring people? “OKAY, I dare you to do that on your own. I dare you to survive on your own in the wild!” And they kind of want, it's almost like a spectacle where they—You know, I mean, I don't know if people can sit and eat popcorn. But they want to see what happens, and whether it's a good thing or a bad thing that's happening—It's almost like a sporting event. Do you think that's the case? Or, why is it? Why is there such a particular focus on the lone wolf image? HAZEN: It’s a Western thing, I will say. Let's just  … An example of: America seems to be the trendsetter. I'm not going to, I mean, it's best to say, I quote and unquote—“modern world, or the Western world, the capitalist world”—They seem to be the trend setters, right? And the unfortunate thing is, they set these trends. And then, the world sort of follows. And I don't think—it's certainly not intentional. But it just sort of happens. And we're talking about the individual being so independent, and being a lone wolf. And we're giving people. We sort of horribly respect that. Whereas you can go to other parts of the world, where it's much more tribal or community oriented, and it's not good to be individualistic. It’s not good. Because that means you're just taking care of, you're just thinking of yourself. And in a tribe, you have to take care of everybody around you. And that is your happiness. Here, we don't want to get burdened by our parents' living with us. Like, I mean, I can even understand, like, I can go, like, “I love my mom, but I don't really want her living here. Uh, maybe,” you know? But in other settings around the world, you do love. You do love that, like you do want. You want that. You want your parents to live with you. You want that. That's your happiness in life. And here we find this happiness of just having our privacy. And having this stuff, and, OK, that's great. You're private, but you're also lonely. And we have more loneliness in this country than anywhere else in the world. We have more depression than anywhere else in the world. And it all comes down to, the reason why I believe this is, because we've been trained to be individuals. We've been trained to go out on our own, leave everybody else behind, and forge a path for ourselves. That's great!But as we're doing it, we're losing relationships. We’re losing friends. It's all about us. We become so incredibly self absorbed. we don't mean to. Nobody wants to call ourselves self-absorbed. But we really had to look out for number one to get where we are. And then once you're there, all you kind of care about is your own feelings. And you can go into these third world countries, and their life … When you look at it, “Oh, man.” It could be dirty. You don't really have enough health care. Their food is substandard. And their life sucks. Around the world, the quality of life is not so great. But they’re, you know, not suffering from depression. Because they're more invested in  … They need to spend their energy making sure that everybody around them can get through the day and get happy. And that's their happiness. And I think depression is really about how I feel, “Why is this happening to me?” I wish there was better terminology. But really, it is about how we feel. And I think there's none around the parts of the world. People don't have time. They don't have the luxury to just think about themselves. They have to think about other people. So there isn't depression, because they don't have time for that. It's, you know, it sounds crazy, but it's, it's, it's almost a paradigm shift. And I think that is one of the huge reasons why there's so many problems that are developing in the Western world. Because we're all being so incredibly successful, because we're all on our own. THALIA:And I wonder if, because of the, you know, industrial age when cars during the boom of the cars and the interstate and all of that. And suddenly you have houses, where the biggest feature that they have are

What’s with the pressure to be self-made? Especially in the US. In a world where being a lone wolf superhero is a sign of strength—there’s the constant pressure of finding success by being self-made. Even if it makes us miserable.Like taking on something we hate because it just makes us sound good. Going after the money because that’s what you “should” do. Or ignoring our conscience because that’s what everyone else is doing.But some, like Hazen Audel, stick to their calling. A biologist, wilderness expert, teacher, artist, adventurer, and presenter of National Geographic’s Primal Survivor on Disney+ — Hazen spent much of his time with traditional communities in South America, Asia, and Europe. Even though he lives in the US, he spent much of his life worldwide, studying and teaching skills only few possess, like: bushcraft, fishing, hunting, shelter-building, roof-construction, raft creation, foraging, tropical biology, and ethnobotany. He’s lived with traditional communities like Brazil’s Houranis, Ecuador’s Kiicha, Africa’s Samburu, and Laos’ Mekong. The pressure to be self-made in the US, may have been the root cause of us going from one ill-suited lifestyle to another.Listen to this episode if you’re wondering what exactly is going on with all the pressure to be self-made in the US and worldwide.—In case you’re out and about without WiFi later, download this episode now.Music: Silhouettes by Tobias Voigt (License code: 8IDBGGC5WXLDYLAU)In this episode:The one person who can champion the passion for things people think are strange.Charisma in the animal kingdom: fostering the courage to handle snakes, scorpions, and creepy crawlies.Deciding what’s worth bringing back from your travels.The dark side of medicine: Are we totally missing the answer to a lot of our problems in the US?The Last Tools on earth: thousands of years of unwritten human history that you need to know.Being at the intersection of two worlds: What to do when you have to fly around the world all the time.Why other people don’t always “get it”—whether it’s your passion, interest, or way of life.When someone disagree with your vision: A ballad of meaning in National Geographic, Icon Films, and independent movie-making.How Primal Survival actually ended up on National Geographic: One man’s journey of intelligent perseverance that took him from the US to world adventurer.What different Hollywood producers actually think of culture.Episode 4 TRANSCRIPTCapsizing our way up to being enough: A cautionary tale of bloodthirst in the USTHALIA:So I want to start with this question, because I've been curious about this particular object that you seem to have with you everywhere you go, or maybe a type of object. You mentioned when you were 19 and you started out in Ecuador, which we'll talk about in just a little bit, you had a tea kettle that you stuff $70.00 into.And also, I noticed when you went, when you were younger, with your dad, every August, and you went on these awesome epic trips, just across the country, I noticed that you also mentioned that you had a coffee can, and you stuffed the cool, rolly pollies and grubs and all these other things. And it also seemed like when you were younger, even  … That's something that you did. Do you still do that? Is that something that you have in your truck? Or has the novelty sort of worn off?HAZEN:I think you are spot on. Yeah, yeah, you targeted a couple things that are part of my history. That's not a history of the present moment.I do think that I was, when I look at the antics that I still carry out today, it's things that I learned that I loved when I was a kid. And I honestly have never grown out of it. I guess I will say, still to this day, I consider myself a professional kid. But yeah, as far as catching rollie pollies, and I used to shove back in the day, I can age myself here  … —But prior to pretty much tupperware, there was a gallon coffee can with the plastic lid on the top. And then you take a screwdriver, and you pull holes in the top, and you go out and catch things. And I can  … I can open up a can of coffee and smell that. And it immediately put me into the zone of, oh yeah, there should be frogs or snakes in here. The smell of coffee, I don't know. But yeah, I always thought that everybody really loved snakes. Everybody loves kids in the boys. And it felt like that, you know, you could, when I was younger, you could kind of wrangle up just about anybody to start looking at the bark and stuff and looking for stuff. And beatles and everything. But I think what I really  … I was shocked to find that they weren't all that interested in that stuff anymore. And my interest in that, in doing that, never ceases. So by the time you are in grade school, where  … I was always escaping under the holes in the cyclone fence. And then during recess, I’d be looking for drain mammoths. And I'd always be bringing back snakes, and cicadas, and whatever I found during those few minutes of free time during school.And I never wanted that for myself. It was just, I've always been able to do what I love. And I'm, I guess you just, I do it ceaselessly, in that reckless abandonment  … I can go back to my days of grade school. I think I always was, I didn't know how much of a misfit I was. But I,—OKAY, what did they say—“add to my own drama”. And even though I think I was a nightmare to try to control. And as a student, when I was younger, because I was constantly daydreaming. And I think they have terminology for now, ADD and all that sort of stuff.The one person who can champion your “weird” passion HAZEN:But for every single teacher that I had in my grade school, what came with me was: every teacher had to inherit the fish tank. It was kind of a terrarium that I kept with me. And I think that's just the only thing that could  … Well, it was pretty much after every recess I had something. And it wasn't going to be contained. It was going to be let loose in the classroom. So every teacher had it, had it, had that terrarium. And it was always full of some sort of animal. And then, and I guess, yeah, I looked at it as for myself. But I also, I think—I always felt like I was showing people how cool that different kinds of: that one particular beetle was that I found. Or that one spider. Or how unique it was that I found the salamander in the back of the schoolyard. And then the kids would like it. But that's just, so, I guess now, as we're talking, I’ve always known that I've blooded myself. But I also. Again, here, I am in my mid 40s thinking, you know, I, I think I've always loved educating. I've always loved sharing my passion. THALIA: So, um, was there ever a teacher who particularly encouraged you?HAZEN: Fortunately, I think I can say, one thing that sticks out of my mind is my fifth grade teacher. I think, me being a teacher, you know, a professional teacher, high school biology teacher. I can remember my 5th grade teacher just allowing me to have the windows of the classroom as a place for me to grow plants and start to have little fish tanks. And I had this whole menagerie of all these different things. And even though I was being pulled away to go into the special reading group and the special math class, I think he’s that one particular person saw that I had a—I don't mind saying it's probably a real gift. something that was unique. Like I said, I was, it was a very unorthodox passion that I've always had. And he fostered it. Charisma in the animal kingdom: The courage to face snakes, scorpions, and creepy crawliesTHALIA: Is there an animal that you've always, even to this day, you just kind of, you know, nerd out over that. Where you're like, “Oh my god, this is the coolest thing ever!” Even though you've seen it multiple times. And then you're still kind of, every time you see it, you're like, you know, can you have that kind of childlike exuberance? Is there a favorite animal?HAZEN: Well, even just right now, you're, you're catching me. I did a red eye trip. I've been driving across the state all night long. I got in about 2:30 in the morning. And I woke up and it's new plant life, new ecosystems. And of course, it's spring after a very long winter. A lot of people, I think, are attracted to the big lions and big charismatic animals. But you can get a teeny tiny pseudo scorpion and I’d get just as excited as I would be if I was to see this  … a big elephant. You know, it's easier to be excited about an elephant. But for me, no, it has just as much wonder to me. Yeah. And I think it's kind of, it's hard for people. Especially with scorpions and things—the creepy crawlies. Maybe people’s first reaction is always like, “Oh my gosh, it's scary and I want to get rid of it.”What’s really worthwhile: Deciding what to bring back from your travelTHALIA: What’s your process in deciding what to bring back or not? Because I know that with traveling, a lot of times things don't always survive the shipping. Or do you just kind of, I'll just build a new one? Do you have a stash full of things that you're like, “Oh, this is stuff that I'm going to hang up in my house.”HAZEN: I have a lot of things that I'm really interested in. And for some reason, I have to surround myself with them. And I wish I could be that other person that keeps them nice and orderly and clean. But I mentioned that I'm building my house. Yeah, I am building a house big enough to contain my clutter. I hope I'm not a hoarder. But in some people's eyes: maybe. Especially on your travels, there’s so many things that you'll never see, ever, ever again. And a lot of them have sentimental value, or they tell a great story. I don't know if there's ever going to be somebody that I could tell these stories to. But I have it, you know. And most of the time, especially for my travels, you need to keep those mementos. It's just to realize how much you’ve suffered. Or how much you became enlightened in that moment. And as far as bringing live species acros

When you have 20 apps open on your phone, do you respond to every ping and message? Work can get too stressful. Fast. Especially if you live in the US. Sometimes work is too stressful because we don’t have a say, we feel like we can’t control our future, and we feel like we are obligated to do things. And people just go, “that’s just how it is.” So what can you do about it?Besides the mind-numbing advice on avoiding overwhelm, self-care, and mindset shifts—what exactly is the philosophy we should adopt when we’re facing a cage fight every time you go up the elevator to your office, lab, or cubicle? When the advice to “work ‘til you drop” is no longer appealing, and yet the bloodthirsty appeal to “go big or go home” still rings—what can a mixed-heritage, a foreign student, an immigrant living in the US, or even just a well-intentioned person do? If work is too stressful, and yet we still want to bear the responsibility of ownership over our lives and others’—how do we build a cagefight fortitude that withstands jobs that have no loyalty to us?Listen to this episode if the noise of day-to-day busy-ness in the US gets too much, and you’re wondering what to do when work is too stressful. —In case you’re out and about without WiFi later, download this episode now.Music: Silhouettes by Tobias Voigt (License code: 8IDBGGC5WXLDYLAU)Previously: “An Ode to: Making it in Hollywood with a mixed-heritage background”In this episode:A cautionary tale of the individual hero journey. Tribalism and group alignment: what we may have overlooked.Why the mental health industry is tracking all the wrong data: What you really need to knowPeacock’s Bel-Air: Fresh Prince, Carlton, and the internal competition in pursuit of self-discoveryWho we really are within a family, friendly competition, and sibling rivalryEpisode 3 TRANSCRIPTThe cage-fight fortitude to build a safe house from jobs that have no loyalty to usPaul Puri: Storytelling in its current form feeds this too, which we think about, like individual, like the hero's journey. It's an individual story in some ways. He that sort of isolationist identity. Thalia Toha: Yeah. And I was talking about this with somebody else, about kind of that lone wolf hero journey. I don't know why there's such a focus in that in other cultures. I know it's a little less so maybe now. But they're really starting to hone in on that, mostly because of the leadership of the Western World. And also definitely the storytelling aspect from the globalization of film making and TV. But given the structure of society that we live in right now, what's the alternative? Do we try to create localized communities to like, what are some options?Paul: I think that we're at the same time with all this. We're butting up against the animalistic tendency towards tribalism, which is, you know,  … We are maybe tribal beings, and that our focus is on our individual or our group. Which involves then “othering” others. Anything that involves seeing another person for who they are, seeing them as being human, rather than an object, is going to help. Probably that gets facilitated through sort of group identities or group activities. And I think that the kind of trick with that is not limiting yourself to just one of those.If you have multiple different groups that you are a part of, then it's less likely that you're going to get caught up, or sort of extremist in a single identity. Thalia: That makes sense. Paul: It’s kind of like developing a sort of psychological flexibility in who you are. I'm not one thing. I am 10 things. If you’re overinvested in one thing: One, you're going to take that to an extreme; And two, if anything pushes back on it, you're going to get very defensive. Or you're going to crash hard when that, you know, if that breaks down the ballThalia: Right. That's interesting. Because most people right now: their take is on the individuality or the tribalism that you mentioned. Does that take the form of, do you think, in the modern world, in you just kind of participate in many different projects? Or what do you think? How do you apply that? A cautionary tale of the individual hero journey and tribalism: What we may have overlookedPaul: I don't actually know. I mean, I think that there's, I don't think there's an answer yet. I think that we are in search of sort of healthy versions of that. I think that there are, you know, if you go back to sort of classic forms. There's sort of the family and the village. And, you know, within it, there may be other subgroups, like a specific religious sect. And then maybe, you know, a collective group that does an activity together. Like a sport or a craft or something else. And those are, like, I don't think those are terrible models to be able to start with. We can probably do more than that. And, you know, we get into, you know, a collective online culture of, like, a fan group or something else. But that, I think these are reasonable things. Like finding something that people have in common. And yet, figuring out how to be able to use that to facilitate people's connecting to each other. And then figuring out how to do it. To me and that you are either excluding or having to be better or scapegoating those that aren't in your group. That's sort of the science of it. Then we have to get into the technology of it. That has to get figured out. I don't know that we're particularly good at that in modern life. But … Right now, we're investing in our jobs and in career and industry that have no loyalty to us,  and don't really facilitate identity very much. Paul: Look, there's exceptions, like if you're firefighter. I think you bond pretty well with your colleagues. More so than, you know  … We writers are connecting on a picket line right now. But most of the time we are all sitting typing on our laptop. So, like, I think we're stuck in a very isolated culture without a whole lot of exit ramps. Why the mental health industry is tracking the wrong data: What you need to knowThalia: Well,  … But I think even to your point, just the understanding and awareness really, that this is really kind of skills that we have to retool and retake. But speaking of multiple things that were involved with, you are now, you mentioned earlier in our conversation, that you have a new med tech venture. Paul: Yeah, it's a new startup. We’re still in a bit of stealth mode. So I'm not talking hugely publicly about it. What I would say is that it's essentially a collective of people in stakeholders and mental health. And I mean that we’re going beyond sort of clinical experts, just like anybody who has something that they believe. They believe we can improve mental health. With a platform that solves the structural issues of the mental health system—is the idea. I know that sounds fairly broad, and it is by design. But that's sort of the idea. It's called wealth without it has a little bit of what's called the Web 3-side to it. Which is, you know, unfortunately now corrupted by all the scams within the Crypto industry. But the technology is probably pretty useful for aspects of sort of individual identity and agency over your data on sort of finding new ways to have trust with other people online. So it's trying to do—it's a very big swing at an idea. But we have a team of people. And we're going after grants. And ultimately, investors—a little further down the road. But it's, I left a different company a bit ago. And I thought for a while about, like, what I want to do, anything else in the space. And I have my own, like, when I was a resident, I designed one of the first like iPhone apps on mental health apps for iPhones. And then when I left this last company, which I was doing in parallel with everything else, I just, I asked myself, “Do I want to do anything else in this space?” And I just sort of noodled for like a year with some changes, and came up with this concept. And now just working on building it. We just got incorporated a few months ago. And been building the team. And now we're getting ready to go off for grants. Both like federal and private foundation. And we'll see, I think it's a really good idea. I know I'm not. I'm speaking in abstract terms here. But my hope is that it's an online system that actually changes the way all the things that are out there that work and interact with each other. I mean, I've written like a 35 page white paper, and there's like pitch decks. And, you know, logos and websites and all that stuff designed. And we have like 10 people on the team, besides myself. We’re like researchers and blockchain experts and data scientists and, you know, clinicians. And, you know, there's all of that stuff in place. And now we just, we're going to be going out for funding. And hopefully building our MVP. But the idea is to design the group and the governance of the group in a way that we can continue to sort of iterate and solve more and more of the kind of problems. Like fragmentation of the market. And misaligned incentives. And I think, honestly, the industry tracks the wrong kind of data. The industry, mental health industry, largely tracks how symptomatic you are. As opposed to the data that actually says how you're doing in your life. Like your quality of life. Your well being. Things like that. So there's a lot of pieces to it. Simultaneously, it’s a complex  … , and I know I'm not doing it justice, talking about it here. Thalia Toha: But no, even just the thing that you mentioned about, I do agree that there are certain measurements that are completely off in the medical field, that I'm kind of like, whenever I go to doctors, I'm like, “Why do they do that?” I mean, I get it. But it's just data that doesn't seem to have any relevance. Paul Puri: Some of my friends in health tech talk about, like, there's like startups that are talking about little digitized, all of the medical records that you have. And we'll turn it into, like, quantifiable data points

Is it really possible to make it in Hollywood when you’re a mixed person or foreigner living in the US?Theory of American optimism compels us to say, “Yes.”But why is it harder than it looks? Is it really possible to walk the paths less traveled in the US—and still get fulfillment?When we can live and do as everyone does, and yet we love food no one does, we are motivated by internal beliefs that few understand, and we have aspirations and connections thousands of miles away, then … How exactly can anyone, even a foreigner or mixed person living in the US, make it in one of the most coveted, vast, and widespread industries in the world: Hollywood?UCLA’s clinical Assistant Professor and TV writer, Paul Puri, MD—who has been involved in the writing of 20+ hit shows like Marvel’s Moon Knight, Netflix’s Iron Heart, NBC’s Chicago Med, and Peacock’s Bel Air—weighs in on the hidden fluency behind making it in Hollywood. Even if you come from a mixed heritage or if you’re a foreigner living in the US. Listen to this episode if you want to find better and more fulfilling ways to make it in the US, including in Hollywood.—In case you’re out and about without WiFi later, download this episode now.Music: “Silhouettes” by Tobias Voigt (License code: 8IDBGGC5WXLDYLAU)Previously: Why we want to do everything at once [An Internal Logic]In this episode:The Start-to-Finish roadmap for turning script into screen in Hollywood The 8-step ladder of writer producers in Hollywood, so you know who to talk to.An Insider’s Encyclopedia of who’s the staff writer, story editor, executive story editor, coproducer, producer, supervising producer, co-supervising producer, and executive producer.Real differences between TV vs Netflix (and why it’s not about the device or whether it streams).The light and dark side of Youtube that few understandsBeing a high-functioning individual with opposite life interests: A How-ToAccording to 3,041 Americans, this is what we regret mostEpisode 2 TRANSCRIPT“An Ode to: Making it in Hollywood with a mixed-heritage background”Thalia Toha: You kind of touched on a little bit of the assembly line a little bit. As far as, starting with, maybe the idea, and then the script or whatever it is. Is it usually the script? And then investors?Paul Puri: It really depends on the project. So some of the bigger sort of breakdowns are: Is it from a pre-existing IP or intellectual property? Or is it an original—what we call a spec script. Which is basically a script written without pay. If I write an idea that nobody's paying me for, what I might do is write a script version of it. And then go out and try and sell it. And in the process of that, as I'm trying to sell it, I'm trying to get a producer involved, get a director involved, get a with a producer, a whole production company.And then try to then sell it to a studio. And then the studio would take it and try and sell it to essentially the network who distributed it as its TV show.The start to finish roadmap for turning script into screen in Hollywood Paul: Features, I have very little experience in. They basically—there's the financing. So that's like an original piece. If there's like a spec piece, if there's an original or something based, excuse me, on prior IP. So, like, you know, Marvel as an example, but anything that's based on a pre-existing character. There's usually a studio or somebody that wants to do this project. Or sometimes in a company, they're going to say, “We're going to invite in a group of writers to come in and pitch what they think this project should be. A take on it.” And then we're gonna hire one of them. And they're gonna kind of lead the team of assembling the project. Sometimes it's a little more direct. Like an executive see somebody who is an up and coming, or hot creator, writer, producer, director. And they'll invite them onto the project more quickly. So that can take months. And the writers are often who are coming in to pitch on something, or often mapping out an entire take on a character, a season—they're usually doing that for free. For no money. And, only one of them is going to get the job. So there's a lot of pre-work involved. And that can take months. You know, often you can spend weeks. Pitching on a project. Or if you get hired, you might then—if it's like a more broadcast related TV—you might have meetings with the producers. Very often, selling a project will involve attaching a production company or something ahead of time. But you meet with your team. And then you try to sell it to the studio still. You try to sell it to the network. Try to find if it's going to have distribution, if it doesn't already. And then once it's green lit, you'll go down the road of hiring your staff. So then you are getting— I'm not a show runner, but if you're a show runner (that's the highest showrunner), for the most part, and there are some other exceptions to this—the highest level writer and executive producer. The 8-step ladder of writer-producers in HollywoodPaul: So writer-producers in Hollywood, in TV, have an 8-step ladder. You have staff writer, story editor, executive story editor, coproducer, producer, supervising producer, co-supervising producer, and then executive producer. And so writers in TV are generally writer-producers. The highest level one is the show runner. They are a writer and executive producer. And they hire basically all of the other writers on the show. And then they'll often coordinate with the producer and others in terms of other hires. Paul: So you put together your writers room. You start writing scripts while your director and producers are trying to hire a lot of the other below-the-line talent. Which is like your assistant director, everybody that's like doing the production work and putting that together, finding sound stages, finding location scouting, all of that stuff—while you're figuring out what the story is and writing the scripts. And there's a little bit of a lead time on that. But eventually you have to star meeting deadlines. Because you might have premiere dates. And you've got to start getting scripts into the hands of people to start shooting them. And you have your casting. And all of the stuff's happening simultaneously. So TV—the joke of it is it takes 7 years to get a feature made. But TV, you know, you can get greenlit and be on the air in less than a year for a full, sometimes 20 episodes of, TV. So it happened very fast sometimes. But Marvel’s been the exception. Real differences between TV vs. Netflix (and why it’s not about the device or whether it streams)Thalia:  But I don't even know if we should consider—and I don't know if people in the industry consider the streaming still TV? I guess so. Because there is the TV component, still. But I almost don't look at it from a consumer standpoint. I don't even look at it as TV anymore. It's almost kind of like a—Paul: I mean, the distinction we make is basically around the length of the story. So it's one uninterrupted piece. Then that is, I think, the minimum length of 70 minutes to qualify as a feature. And not a short. But I might be making that number up.And then if you have multiple sections of it, then it would qualify as more of a serialized component. And so you have, generally, a comedy is 20 minutes based on broadcast network standards. And that's been, of course, broken by streaming. And then 45 minutes, or 22 and 45 minutes for dramas. 22 minute dramas coming out. And dramas and every genre is mashed up. So the rules are definitely broken more. But people still—we still call it TV for the most part. Even if you're streaming Netflix. Thalia: I see. So it's more like a categorization at that point. It's not really quite the medium per se. Paul: Yeah. I mean, we don't, a lot of people bristle, a lot of people in the industry bristle, calling it all “content.” Because they feel like it waters down their identity in some way. And equates and creates a false equivalency between Youtube creators and people who've been doing television for 30 years. Thalia: There's some generational differences too, right? Is there the sort of low-brow element of it then? Paul: I mean, I think that originally features were the prestige movies in the theater. And then TV kind of took a turn around the Golden era. Starting with Sopranos and things. Where we feel like, “Oh, TV is so cool! We can do so much with it. Now we're doing like a franchise within features.” And like that, “We can carry out and keep an audience for a long time, and make billion dollars a movie. And isn’t that tremendous?” And all of those things. The production value just obviously went way up. And then at the same time, there was sort of this, I don’t want to call it a “democratization.” In that the barrier to entry was much lower in terms of Youtube. What's different is that, if you are going through that, you can't use production values to grab attention. You have to do something else. And so it's not usually—from what I've seen, based around this—it's a different skill set. I think most TV writers would argue that what they really love is things like story. They love being able to figure out how to craft stories. And that's very different than the question of, “How do you build an audience necessarily?” I think that some people hope that if you're telling a good story, your audience will find it, and it will come. But I don't know that that's always the case. And I think that the use of spectacle and figuring out how to grab people’s attention—is somehow a little bit different in the social media or Youtube landscape than it is in film and TV. So I think there's maybe some overlap. But they're very different. The light and dark side of Youtube that few understandsThalia: I'm noticing a lot of, there's that element of spectacle. And it's almost to the degree of … where with Twitter you get to—the more outrageous something is, the more it's likely to grab attention. Is t

We’re asking a question no one would: “Why do I want to do everything at once?” especially when we’re living in the US. It used to be that we just shrug off a tendency to want to do everything. And we say we just lack focus. Uncommitted. Multi-tasking. Busy. Or worse, that we have Attention Deficit Disorder. Or other identity disorder, like Marvel’s Moon Knight hero, who has Dissociative Identity Disorder.The great tragedy when we don’t ask this question, is that we go about living in the US, wanting to do everything at once, and then ending up doing nothing at the same time. The US might be the land of opportunity. But when opportunities are limitless, does it become prohibitive? And if so, what can a self-motivated hard worker do about all this? What if you come from a background with mixed heritage? What if you’re someone who might be under pressure to fulfill the family’s dream of a better life? Or someone with multiple different interests in life? Like psychiatrist Paul Puri, MD, who consulted for the hit Marvel’s series “Moon Knight.” Turns out, psychology and medicine has a lot to say about us that we didn’t already know.Listen to this episode if you are living or are thinking about living in the US, and that little voice in the back of your head keeps asking: “Why do I want to do everything at once?”—In case you’re out and about without WiFi later, download this episode now.Music: “Silhouettes” by Tobias Voigt (License code: 8IDBGGC5WXLDYLAU)Episode 1 TRANSCRIPT: “Why we want to do everything at once [An Internal Logic]”Thalia Toha: I wanted to start with one of your fun projects. Of course, Marvel's Moon Knight. I wanted to ask you because you're in this really cool space where you talk people. And understand people's identity, people's disorder, problems, and things that people don't normally talk about. I've never heard of DID, dissociative identity disorder, before Moon Knight. And when I saw Moon Knight, I thought, “How interesting. Why is something like this  … Why is it that we've never heard of it before?” Is this kind of like a new diagnosis in the medical community? Or in something that's been around for a long time? And we just don't know much about it?Paul Puri: It's hard to give a firm answer on that. Because even the diagnosis itself is a little controversial. You know, there's kind of the very popularized index cases, which they made a movie of. They're making a new movie with Sally Fields back in the 70s. You know, there are sort of these index cases that really popularize it. But from my understanding of the literature, and I consider myself a relative expert in disassociation—and DID is one of the dissociative disorders—things do suggest that it existed long before the 70s, but in other forms.Like what people would have otherwise considered like “spirit possession.” Things like that. And what they attributed to outside spirits taking over their body later. It became named as sort of different personalities. Or what are called “Alters.” Or aspects of themselves that sort of split off. Paul: So it's probably been around a long time. It's very disputable in terms of how prevalent it is. Probably 1% or less of the population, probably less, has this.My belief is that it's probably rare in its real form. But that dissociation exists in a spectrum form. Kind of across a population. Many of us can dissociate in lesser forms. But that doesn't equate with DID. Thalia: And what exactly is dissociation then? What is  … How is that different from, just having a different interest?The impulse to do something else, having different interests, and Dissociative Identity Disorder in the USPaul: It's a complex subject. And I'm going to do my best to try to boil it down. There's sort of different aspects of our brain functioning or cognitive functioning that exist at a baseline. And they sort of weave together and integrate to create our normal experience. And that's sort of our sense of memory. Our sense of identity. Our sense of time. There's our sense of our emotions. And there's kind of a baseline phenomena of this. And it all sort of weaves together in how we experience life. If one of those were to kind of split off or separate, or exist in the background, our experience in the moment would be different. What's remarkable about the brain is that it can sort of split off functioning in a way where these things can exist outside of our consciousness, our awake consciousness. And it exists and kind of perpetuates in the background. So it may be not a perfect example. But, you know, if you've ever gone to sleep with a problem, and then you wake up with the solution. Or, you have put a problem away. And then the solution pops up for you in the middle of the day. And, and who's been thinking of that? And where did that come from? There’s sort of capabilities inside of us that we sometimes can directly access. And sometimes feels more elusive when we can find the right word for something or can't find the right word. There's sort of a different side to us that is functioning behind the scenes all the time, and that we can't always directly access, even though we want to. So there's this sort of myth that we have a singular identity that I can do what I am in control of me. And that if I want to make changes in myself, it can happen. But across the breadth of human experience, most people have a lot of difficulty in making changes in themselves. And that's because a part of them that's functioning, that's driving a lot of these behaviors, is sort of behind the scenes. So that's like a loose definition of dissociation. And we can have things where we split off our awareness, or our memory of something that might have existed. Because it's not convenient for us. Or, you know, when we start getting more pathological, someone might experience, let's say, a trauma or a terrible experience. And then, because they can't, because it's overwhelming, they just sort of compartmentalize that experience. They lock it away. So they lock it away so that they basically don't have to feel all the feelings that are associated with that. So those are different aspects. Really, association falls into kind of two camps. Which is compartmentalization. How do you lock something away. Or sort of a disconnection from something: how do you disconnect from part of yourself.Paul: And so there's all these different sorts of phenomenon that come up with that, like associated amnesia, associated huge, associative identity disorder, things like that. Disassociation is probably a phenomenon that exists in the way our consciousness exists. Because we are constantly bombarded with stimuli. The nature of how consciousness exists is like our conscious awareness. It came into formation as a form of a traffic cop. It's like,  … “How do we discriminate what comes into our awareness and what we filter out?” And that is how consciousness exists. And so in order to do that, we have to split off stuff that we decide, behind the scenes, … We decide it is not relevant or not necessary. But that doesn't mean it's not coming in. Thalia: And so how is that related to alter ego? The conscious use of alter egos to allow us to do something we’ve always wantedPaul: Alter ego is a little bit more like a conscious choice in terms of, I'm going to have a different sort of role that I switch into. So it’s sort of like: I'm going to go dress up and play whatever kind of—not that I do cosplay, but like, where I'm going to go, like—you know, put on my party clothes.And I'm going to go to a club tonight, and I'm going to put on, like, that's a different version of who I am in my professional life, or whatever the thing is.DID is really about people who might naturally dissociate a little bit as children. And then they have a very clear kind of index trauma. And most of the time, according to literature, it's like sexual abuse. But it could be physical abuse. And what happens is that, because it's happening at a young age, before their real sense of self is sort of solidified, their way of dissociating is like a much more dramatic split. And it results in these sort of compensatory different parts of themselves. And we all have parts to us, you know, part of me that wants that chocolate bar. Part of me that doesn't. Part of me wants to go to the gym. Part of me wants to sit on the couch. Like we all have that. And that's another discussion that we can get into. But in this, it's not a conscious process. The choice is not really there on how or when to switch. It happens, for the most part, kind of adaptively to the situation for the purposes of survival. Thalia Toha: Is there a way for them to control it when they are diagnosed in adulthood? To then go back and, “OK, well, this is something that, this is the identity that I want to take on  …” —Is that possible?Paul: Yeah. I mean, that happens mostly through treatment. Through stages. You know, you work on sort of building up the ego, or the strengthening, or like the emotional regulation skills.Because the jumping between them very much happens in crisis. Or when they're overwhelmed. So if you build up some more skills, maybe that doesn't have to happen as often. You want them to be able to deal with the distress that comes up from things. Then once that's built up a while, you go and basically work through the original traumas. So, because those are the things that cause the split in the 1st place. And then, after all that’s worked through, then you can work on, hopefully, integration of the different sorts of alters. Or at least helping them work together better. As opposed to being at odd ends. Unlocking the power of having multiple interests and identities in Marvel’s Moon Knight seriesWhat was nice about Moon Knight, is it could sort of embody that a lot of times, these splits that happen are sort of polarities. They're two parts that are sort of fighting for control. And again, that happens in a lot of us, t