Frustrated And Exhausted

In this episode I explore a tough but hopeful topic: why trust can erode in organizations even when leaders have the best intentions. Drawing from real conversations and coaching experiences with senior leaders, the episode unpacks the difference between a leader’s intent and the reality employees experience on the ground.Intent vs. Impact:Good intent is important, but employees don’t experience their leaders’ intentions—they experience systems, responses, and the outcomes of their actions. Trust is built (or eroded) not by what leaders say, but by what happens next.How Trust Erodes Quietly:Trust usually doesn’t break down with drama or scandals, but through small moments—unaddressed challenges, reversed decisions without explanation, or promises of openness that aren’t followed through on.Systems Over Intent:In pressured environments, what actually gets rewarded or discouraged in a system shapes behavior more than stated values or intentions. People adapt to stay safe, which can lead to silence and withdrawal instead of genuine trust.The Cost of Unseen Systems:When leaders aren’t aware of the behavioral patterns their systems create, they might mistake quiet for trust when in reality it’s withdrawal and disengagement. The grief for lost potential and silenced talent can be deeply felt on a personal level.Gaining Visibility:The real turning point is for leaders to honestly examine which behaviors are being rewarded, which carry risks, and what truly happens after challenge or dissent. Visibility (not just motivation or capability) is key to changing the culture.Building Trust through Action:Trustworthiness isn’t an inherent personality trait—it’s experienced through systems, responses, and consistent consequences, especially under pressure. Leaders are encouraged to reflect not just on their intent, but also on the actual impact they have.Reflection Questions for LeadersWhat behaviors are you truly rewarding—and which ones are risky in your system?What really happens after someone challenges or disagrees?Are you seeing quiet as trust, or could it be a sign of something else?Reach out on LinkedIn for further discussion and support. If you’re still showing up in spaces that weren’t built for you—keep going, you’re seen.Tune in next week for more insight into women, career, and leadership, with a focus on well-being and ambition.Connect with Ruth:Instagram LinkedIn Website

Welcome to Frustrated and Exhausted, In this episode, we dig into an important leadership topic: the difference between genuine trust and simply being “nice” within senior teams. Why do so many organizations confuse harmony and collegiality with real, risk-taking trust, and what does this confusion cost?Trust vs. NicenessWhy being “nice” and avoiding conflict isn’t the same as building trust. Teams that focus on harmony can appear healthy but often avoid dealing with real issues, leading to fragility beneath the surface.Avoidance and Its PitfallsMany teams soften difficult issues, delay challenges, and gloss over tensions rather than confronting them head-on. This kind of “pleasantness” promotes self-protection instead of collaboration.Impact on Women in LeadershipThe episode highlights how women—especially those seen as “strong” or “direct”—feel increased pressure to remain palatable, adding emotional labor and silencing valuable opinions. These dynamics can discourage honest contributions from everyone.Psychological Safety & Healthy ConflictDrawing on Amy Edmondson’s research, It explain that top-performing teams don’t avoid conflict; they surface, work through, and repair it. True psychological safety is about fairness and predictability, not constant comfort.How to Build Trust Through ChallengeTips for teams include naming disagreements early, staying curious (not defensive), and returning to repair after conflict. Clearing the air, owning your impact, and addressing tension directly helps strengthen relationships and trust.What Teams Miss Out OnWhen people disengage because “niceness” is prioritized, organizations lose out on true expertise, clarity, and energy—even if the atmosphere feels superficially pleasant.If your team feels “pleasant but stuck,” consider what’s being protected—and at what cost. Ask yourself whether your workplace is fostering true trust or simply smoothing over discomfort.Thanks for tuning in to Frustrated and Exhausted. Don’t miss next week’s episode!Connect with Ruth:Instagram LinkedIn Website

Welcome back to another episode of Frustrated and Exhausted. In this episode, I dive deep into the reasons why leaders often shy away from clarity—and the real costs this can have on teams and organizations.Clarity vs. Certainty: I explain how clarity is often mistaken for certainty or the illusion of having all the answers. Instead, clarity is really about reducing unnecessary anxiety by being transparent about what’s known, what’s unknown, and who makes decisions.Why Leaders Avoid Clarity: Avoiding clarity is rarely accidental. Sometimes, leaders use vagueness as a form of protection, keeping accountability diffuse and leaving room to maneuver. But this actually creates unpredictability that can erode trust within teams.The Real Cost of Vagueness: When communication is fuzzy, people fill in the gaps with their own stories and assumptions—which often leads to rumors, defensiveness, and a sense of instability in the workplace.Trust and Psychological Safety: How trust doesn’t erode due to lack of integrity, but rather when people can’t reliably predict how decisions are made and issues are handled. This unpredictability leads to stress and hyper-vigilance, not because people are naturally anxious, but because the environment demands it.Handling Uncertainty: Research shows that uncertainty itself isn’t the biggest driver of stress; uncertainty without explanation is. Being honest about what’s unclear is far better than offering meaningless reassurances.Notice where a lack of clarity might be doing more harm than uncertainty itself in your work or life. What small changes in transparency could make things better for your team?If you found this episode resonated with you or shifted your perspective on leadership, don’t forget to share and subscribe for more empowering conversations every week.Connect with Ruth:Instagram LinkedIn Website

Welcome back to Frustrated and Exhausted! In this insightful episode, I dive into the reality behind those endlessly repetitive leadership conversations that never seem to spark real change. If you’ve ever left a meeting feeling like “everything was said but nothing changed,” this one’s for you.Why so many leadership conversations feel unsatisfying and unproductive.The difference between stated values (“espoused theory”) and the lived reality (“theory in use”)—and how this gap erodes trust.How surface-level talks and reluctance to address core issues feed organizational ambiguity and exhaustion.The hidden impact of unspoken power dynamics, unresolved tensions, and unclear decision rights.Why inspirational words from leadership aren’t enough—change comes from consistency, clarity, and actually following through.The psychological toll of environments where honest dialogue is discouraged, leading people to disengage and comply instead of contribute.Strategies to break the cycle: embracing messier, more courageous conversations to address the real drivers of frustration and stagnation.Real organizational change happens not through another round of agreement on values, but through honest, ongoing conversations about what really shapes behavior—and the courage and consistency to do something about it.Thanks for tuning in. If you’re tired of pointless conversations and want more clarity (and less exhaustion) in your leadership journey, this episode is a must-listen!Connect with Ruth:Instagram LinkedIn Website

In this episode, I explore the often-overlooked connection between belonging and performance at work. Rather than framing belonging as something "nice" or optional, I make the case that real belonging is foundational for teams and organizations to function at their best.Belonging’s Branding Problem: How belonging has been misunderstood as comfort or indulgence, rather than a core driver of decision-making and leadership.Performance Erosion: When belonging is missing, teams don’t collapse, but performance slowly ebbs away through slower decisions, less challenge, and increased impression management.Belonging vs. Fitting In: The difference between psychological safety (belonging) and self-editing (fitting in), and how women and minoritized groups often feel pressured to conform.Trust and Safety: Without trust, people won’t challenge or share fully — what looks like disengagement might really be self-preservation.Real-Life Signals: Flat leadership meetings, agreement in the room but dissent in the corridors, and “niceness” that masks lack of real challenge.Conditional Belonging: Particularly for those who are “different” in some way, belonging often depends on fitting in, leading to adaptation and energy spent on self-management.Project Aristotle (Google Study): Psychological safety (not talent or workload) drives high-performing teams — illustrating belonging in practical terms.Leadership Implications: Belonging is shown not by politeness or lack of conflict, but by the quality and openness of contributions.Moving Beyond Slogans: True belonging is created by consistent conditions, not catchphrases (“bring your whole self to work”).If this episode sparked something for you — challenged, reassured, or made you feel less alone — I would love to hear your thoughts or stories!Thanks for tuning in. Keep going, especially if you’re showing up in spaces that weren’t built for you.Connect with Ruth:Instagram LinkedIn Website

In this episode of Frustrated and Exhausted, Speaker I dive into the powerful topic of how unreliable leadership impacts women, their well-being, and their performance at work. Instead of focusing on personal shortcomings, I challenge the common narrative around burnout and exhaustion, encouraging listeners to look at the environments and conditions that drive these feelings.A Different View on Burnout:Eexplain that chronic exhaustion isn’t always about individual resilience or personal flaws. Instead, it’s often a normal response to unpredictable, unreliable, and unsupportive work environments.The Impact of Leadership:The conversation highlights how inconsistent communication, shifting priorities, and a lack of transparency from leaders can leave teams feeling exhausted and on edge—even when leaders don’t intend harm.Research on Psychological Safety:Referencing Amy Edmondson’s work, the episode discusses how low psychological safety in a workplace can suppress openness, making employees hide mistakes rather than seek support, ultimately harming performance and engagement.Internalizing Systemic Problems:The episode acknowledges that high-performing women often internalize systemic issues, believing they’re at fault and that self-improvement alone is the solution—even when the real issue is the broader environment.Questions Leaders Should Ask:Calls on leaders to look beyond individual performance and to ask more insightful questions: What are people in my team actually adapting to? What conditions do they face each day?Building Trust & Performance:By fostering trust, belonging, and a culture of honesty, organizations can move away from blame and toward higher energy, engagement, and real performance.Connect with the show:Have thoughts, questions, or stories to share? Get in touch via LinkedIn or visit resonateleadership.co.uk. Your experiences matter!Thanks for tuning in. If this episode resonates with you, remember—you’re not alone, and it’s not just you. Keep going!Connect with Ruth:Instagram LinkedIn Website

In this reflective year-end episode, I take listeners on a gentle pause to sit with the reality of the year they've just carried. It's not the polished, social-media version of the year, but an honest look at what women, especially in leadership and career spaces, have held—often invisibly. From emotional loads and endless mental tabs to the weight of responsibilities, self-doubt, and cultural change, this episode speaks directly to those feeling stretched and tired.What We Carried:The high expectations, emotional labor, unending mental lists, unclaimed responsibilities, and even self-doubt—all these made the year heavier than most realize.What It Cost Us:Rest, clarity, confidence, joy, boundaries, parts of our identity, and sometimes our own breathing space suffered under the weight of all that carrying.Compassion for Ourselves:Resonate Leadership Podcast Host reassures listeners: fatigue hasn’t come from weakness, but from holding too much, for too long.Lessons Learned:This year revealed our limits, the importance of belonging, the exhaustion of masking, and the difference between performing strength and true strength. It taught us who supports us—and who only sees the results.What to Put Down:Before the new year, listeners are encouraged to shed burdens they don’t need to carry: the pressure to always be available, the belief they must earn rest, invisible emotional labor, guilt for saying no, and the need for constant competence.What to Welcome:By putting some things down, we make space to pick up new boundaries, honest joy, real belonging, supportive communities, and permission to be unapologetically ourselves.Takeaways:Leadership is human work—messy, emotional, relational, systemic.Rest is not something to be earned; it’s something we deserve.Putting down unnecessary loads makes space for renewal.The hard year does not define your worth or strength—your continued showing up does.Thanks for being part of Frustrated and Exhausted this year. Here’s to the reset you need and deserve!Connect with Ruth:Instagram LinkedIn Website

Welcome to "Frustrated and Exhausted, a podcast dedicated to empowering women in their careers and leadership journeys without compromising well-being or sanity.In this heartfelt holiday episode, Resonate Leadership I offer listeners a gentle, much-needed "permission slip" for Christmas Eve—a reminder that self-care is just as important as caring for others. It’s an invitation to pause, rest, and release the weight of perfectionism, especially as the year comes to a close.Key Themes:Permission Granted: You don't have to finish every task or reflect on every goal tonight. The to-do lists and intentions can wait.Feel Your Feelings: However you feel right now—whether joyful, tired, overwhelmed, or peaceful—is valid. There are no "shoulds" here.Lower the Bar: Good enough is genuinely good enough, especially during the festive season.Rest Without Earning It: Rest is a biological need—not something you have to earn through productivity.Belong to Yourself First: Amidst taking care of others, remember to show up for yourself, whether that means a quiet moment alone or simply saying no.Put Down Responsibility: Especially if you’re the household planner, fixer, or emotional anchor—you’re allowed to set some of that burden down, even just for tonight.Slow Your Pace: Pause, breathe, and ask yourself what you truly need right now.You’ve carried a lot this year—often more than anyone sees or even than you admit to yourself. Tonight, you have full permission to put some of it down, rest, and extend kindness to yourself. Your gift this Christmas Eve is the smallest, most realistic act of care for yourself.Share your thoughts or stories via LinkedIn or learn more at resonateleadership.co.uk.Rest well, be gentle with yourself, and remember—you’re not alone in how you feel.Thank you for listening! Wishing you a Merry Christmas and gentle self-care.Connect with Ruth:Instagram LinkedIn Website

Welcome to another episode of "Frustrated and Exhausted," where we talk all things women, career, and leadership without sacrificing well-being. This episode, “The Inclusion Edit,” is a special compilation celebrating two years of bold, honest, and insightful conversations. This time, we look at inclusion as more than a corporate initiative—it's a human practice, an engine for performance, trust, and belonging.Episode Highlights1. Neurodiversity and Authentic WorkplacesGuest: Susan Ball, neurodiversity champion & former tax partner Key insights: Inclusion goes beyond checklists—it's about daily behaviors and valuing differences.Susan shares her journey openly discussing dyslexia, highlighting the importance of safe spaces and the shift toward recognizing strengths over deficits.Technology’s empowering role for neurodiverse professionals and the importance of not forcing labels like “disabled” on those who may not identify that way.2. Multi-generational Workforce and Flexible LeadershipGuest: Tracy Vegrel Obe, CEO at CISI Key insights: Reflections on policy shifts and making workplaces family-friendly (like shared parental leave).Navigating hybrid and remote work—how generational expectations differ and why flexibility is more than a buzzword.Emphasis on remaining open-minded and adaptable to harness the full potential of diverse teams.3. Allyship in ActionGuest: Andrew Jacobs, learning and development leader & podcast founder Key insights: Allyship is about action and accountability, not just hashtags.Andrew shares how he uses his platform and privilege to call out imbalances, for example, refusing to speak at events without gender-diverse panels.Everyday gender biases are often invisible—recognize them, call them out, and push for change.4. Trauma-Informed Legal Workplaces and Real BelongingGuest: Lucy Barnes, barrister & co-founder of Lawyers Who Care Key insights: The importance of community and seeing “people like you” in professions that have felt exclusive.Creating supportive and trauma-informed environments, especially for care-experienced professionals.True belonging means the legal system reflects those it serves, and lived experience is a powerful asset.Key TakeawaysInclusion isn’t a single action—it’s a leadership choice practiced daily.Designing workplaces around real people—neurodiverse, different ages, backgrounds, or experiences—amplifies performance and belonging.Allyship requires willingness to be uncomfortable and to act.Trauma-aware, community-led workplaces foster real opportunity and agency.The future of inclusion is flexible, open-minded leadership.If something in this episode resonated with you, please share it or tag someone who’d benefit. Let’s keep the conversation going!Got feedback, thoughts or your own story to share? Connect on LinkedIn or visit resonateleadership.co.uk.Thanks for joining us on “The Inclusion Edit.” See you next time!Connect with Ruth:Instagram LinkedIn Website

Welcome to the two-year anniversary of Frustrated and Exhausted! In this special “Purpose Edit” episode, we’re taking a grounded look at what purpose really means for women’s careers and leadership—well beyond the usual cliches. This episode features conversations with three remarkable women whose leadership journeys show that purpose is shaped by everyday choices, resilience, courage, and deep-rooted values.Featured Guests:Caroline Colliston, Managing Partner for Scotland at DWF:Caroline shares her candid reflections on balancing ambition, family, and self-compassion. She discusses how her inner drive has been shaped in part by her relationship with her sister and offers insights into authentic, values-led leadership. Caroline role-models how success can come from embracing a “squiggly, bumpy” career path and staying true to yourself.Rebecca MacLean, Director of Environment and Sustainability:Rebecca’s story is all about trusting your gut and embracing your uniqueness. She reflects on bold career moves, following interests rather than a rigid plan, and how the support of family helps remove fear from decision-making.Ingrid De Kiroth McGee, Partner & Employment Law Specialist:Ingrid shares her leap of faith into a startup environment, her commitment to fairness and inclusion, and the importance of backing yourself—even when it feels intimidating. Her advice: “You can do hard things,” and if you don’t stretch beyond your comfort zone, you won’t know what you’re capable of.Key Themes:Authentic, compassionate leadership: Being visible, honest, and supportive—especially in challenging moments.Purpose as daily choices: Not always a lightning bolt, but a series of intentional decisions and learning from lived experiences.Support networks: The value of mentors, family, friends, and honest feedback in helping you navigate demanding careers.Courage and self-trust: Career risks, pivots, and doing what feels right, even when the path isn’t straightforward.Why listen? If you’re recalibrating your leadership, feeling a bit adrift, or simply looking for inspiration from women who’ve truly lived their purpose, tune in for reassurance, wisdom, and some much-needed compassion.Caroline Colliston 00:03:12 to 00:10:06.Her segment covers her story, leadership approach, navigating drive and boundaries, the importance of support networks, authenticity, and compassionate leadership. She reflects on her inner critic, role models, and the practical challenges of being a driven woman in leadership.Rebecca MacLean  00:10:51 to 00:15:58.This section features Rebecca discussing her upbringing, embracing her “weird,” making career decisions, gut instincts, and the impact of her support network on her sense of purpose and direction.Ingrid Kiroth McGee 00:17:23 to 00:23:09.Ingrid shares her journey of stepping out of her comfort zone, making bold career moves, backing herself, confronting fear, and the value of surrounding herself with supportive people.Come back next week for more honest conversations about leadership and ambition.Frustrated and Exhausted — Helping you navigate spaces not built with you in mind.Connect with Ruth:Instagram LinkedIn Website

Welcome to a special two-year anniversary compilation episode of "Frustrated and Exhausted." This week, the focus is on resilience—but not in the “just carry on” sense. The conversation centers on women, career, and leadership, celebrating how real resilience is about self-knowledge, owning your experience, and resisting the urge to shrink.Featured Guests and Themes:Hilary Ross: Opens the episode with an honest look at what it means to be resilient in the workplace. Hilary shares how her trigger point is not being heard, and the ways she’s reframed invisibility and setbacks through her career. She reflects on managing high-performing teams, overcoming perfectionism, and adapting to constant change.Monica Nangia: Offers perspective on resilience as self-advocacy, specifically for women whose identities are often overlooked or misunderstood. Monica discusses the “prove it again” bias, the exhaustion of being hyper-visible yet overlooked for promotions, and the cultural taxation faced by women of color. She stresses the need for allies in achieving meaningful change within organizations.Elizabeth Brower: Shares her personal journey through burnout and what it taught her about sustainable leadership. Elizabeth talks about the danger of glorifying overwork, encourages listeners to pause and reconnect with themselves, and champions the importance of rest, boundaries, and redefining success.Key Takeaways:Resilience is not about being unbreakable; it’s about understanding yourself deeply, focusing on progress, and rejecting unrealistic performance standards.Recognizing and addressing systemic barriers (like visibility biases and unpaid labor in EDI work) is vital for creating genuinely inclusive workplaces.Rest isn’t a luxury—it's foundational for well-being and effective leadership. It’s time to stop glorifying constant availability and start supporting active downtime for everyoneHilary Ross on Visibility and Resilience: [00:01:09 - 00:01:53] — On not being heard, invisibility, and changing perspective.: [00:02:21 - 00:03:10] — On setbacks, management, and resilience.: [00:03:11 - 00:03:57] — High achievers, perfectionism, and incremental progress.: [00:04:33 - 00:05:15] — Post-Covid workplace control and the importance for women.Dr. Monica Nangia on Resilience as Self-Advocacy: [00:06:10 - 00:06:59] — ‘Prove it again’ bias and the burden of always having to demonstrate competence.: [00:07:02 - 00:07:43] — Hypervisibility vs. invisibility and challenges for women of color.: [00:08:08 - 00:09:31] — Cultural taxation, EDI work, and lack of representation in senior roles.: [00:09:31 - 00:09:58] — Broken rung theory and the impact of visible role models.: [00:11:07 - 00:11:29] — The need for allies and support.Elizabeth Brauer’s Journey from Burnout to Reconnection: [00:12:25 - 00:13:10] — Burnout, vulnerability, and redefining success.: [00:14:26 - 00:14:49] — Advice for those feeling stuck in a workaholic persona.: [00:14:49 - 00:15:52] — Reconnecting with oneself and celebrating achievements.: [00:16:27 - 00:17:21] — Taking personal time and day-to-day autopilot.: [00:17:41 - 00:18:35] — The one piece of career advice she’d ban: “always being on.”Thanks for listening to this episode of "Frustrated and Exhausted." Your journey of self-awareness and authentic leadership starts here.Connect with Ruth:Instagram

In this thoughtful episode, I explore the familiar pressure to “finish strong” as the year winds down. I unpacks the sense of collective urgency that builds in workplaces and homes as December approaches—from inboxes full of end-of-year reviews to the desire for neat conclusions on projects, goals, and even holiday celebrations.Key Topics:The culture of closure: Why do we crave hitting targets and checking off lists?The hidden emotional labor behind finishing things, especially for women leaders.The real impact of chasing perfection—how the pursuit of tidy endings can fuel stress, self-criticism, and burnout.Reframing “unfinished”: How can leaders (and all of us) embrace uncertainty and take a gentler approach to projects, responsibilities, and ambitions that are still in motion?Permission for imperfection00:02:40 - 00:03:23: Personal reflections on to-do lists, project completions, and the elusive "inbox zero."00:03:23 - 00:04:28: The reality that not everything wraps up neatly at year-end; projects and relationships may stay unfinished.00:04:29 - 00:05:58: The emotional exhaustion from trying to finish everything, especially as a leader, and the invisible labor behind it.00:05:58 - 00:06:46: Responsibility and perfectionism in both work and family, along with the pressure to make everything “perfect,” especially around holidaysdiscusses self-imposed expectations, desire for closure, and the impact of perfectionism.00:07:18 - 00:08:12: How unfinished business can turn into self-criticism and burnout by conflating unfinished work with failure.00:08:12 - 00:09:34: Reframing “unfinished” as “in motion” and exploring the creative and developmental possibilities that come from leaving things open.00:09:34 - 00:10:43: The power of giving yourself permission not to rush endings, and the risks of rushing to artificial closure.00:10:43 - 00:11:54: Accepting uncertainty as a leader, modeling groundedness for others, and the impact of uncertainty in personal and professional life.00:11:54 - 00:13:56: Developing the ability to live with uncertainty, and the value of self-trust and reflection at year-end.00:02:40 - 00:03:23: Personal reflections on to-do lists, project completions, and the elusive "inbox zero."00:03:23 - 00:04:28: The reality that not everything wraps up neatly at year-end; projects and relationships may stay unfinished.00:04:29 - 00:05:58: The emotional exhaustion from trying to finish everything, especially as a leader, and the invisible labor behind it.00:05:58 - 00:06:46: Responsibility and perfectionism in both work and family, along with the pressure to make everything “perfect,” especially around holidays.00:06:46 - 00:07:18: discusses self-imposed expectations, desire for closure, and the impact of perfectionism.00:07:18 - 00:08:12: How unfinished business can turn into self-criticism and burnout by conflating unfinished work with failure.00:08:12 - 00:09:34: Reframing “unfinished” as “in motion” and exploring the creative and developmental possibilities that come from leaving things open.00:09:34 - 00:10:43: The power of giving yourself permission not to rush endings, and the risks of rushing to artificial closure.00:10:43 - 00:11:54: Accepting uncertainty as a leader, modeling groundedness for others, and the impact of uncertainty in personal and professional life.00:11:54 - 00:13:56: Developing the ability to live with...

In this insightful episode, I dive deep into the theme of self-reflection and authenticity in leadership. I explore how leaders can become distanced from their true selves, often falling for a curated and polished version that feels safe and familiar. Through personal stories and coaching anecdotes, I unpack the subtle dangers of self-delusion and the ego’s protective fog.00:01:00 – 00:02:14Discussion about blind spots, the role of ego in clouding our self-view, and how we often curate a polished version of ourselves as leaders.00:02:14 – 00:03:17Explores self-delusion and reframes it as self-protection; describes how our brains help maintain identity and how we rationalize behaviors.00:03:17 – 00:04:03Provides examples of how leaders might use “style” as armor, referencing a coached leader who inadvertently built a team that avoided challenging her.00:04:03 – 00:04:51Illustrates how lack of self-awareness leads to growing distortions and compares it to a hall of mirrors; warns against mistaking control for clarity.00:04:51 – 00:05:42Describes a 'crack in the mirror' moment, when feedback or crisis reveals unfiltered truth, which though harsh, can be a gift for growth.00:05:42 – 00:07:01Gives practical advice on inviting honest reflection, rewarding feedback, and sitting with discomfort instead of immediately rationalizing or distancing.00:07:01 – 00:07:43Talks about discerning the validity of feedback, considering repeated patterns, and encourages facing uncomfortable truths for real leadership.00:07:43 – 00:08:20Warns against over-polishing personal brand, advocates for brave authenticity, and reflects on the messy nature of real leadership.00:08:20 – 00:09:20Wraps up advice, hopes listeners take the lessons with them, and remarks on recognizing self-delusion moments in self and others.If this episode resonated with you, made you rethink your own reflection, or even just reassured you that you’re not alone in the messy journey of leadership, reach out! I welcome questions, feedbackConnect with Ruth:Instagram LinkedIn Website

In this inspiring conversation, Lucy Barnes shares her personal journey from growing up in the care system to her current role as a pupil barrister and founder of Lawyers who Care—the UK’s first organisation creating mentoring and paid work experience for care experienced aspiring lawyers.Lucy talks candidly about overcoming adversity, the importance of high expectations for care experienced young people, and how her background has cultivated skills essential for a career in law: resilience, resourcefulness, and self-advocacy. She reflects on moving beyond survival mode to making systemic change, championing the idea that care leavers not only belong in law—they have unique strengths to enrich the profession.[00:01:32] Lucy’s Background and JourneyLucy shares her story of entering care at 13, her experiences, and how her academic potential was first recognized by her foster family.[00:06:15] Expectations and the Importance of BeliefDiscussion about how having someone with high expectations made a difference, especially her foster dad and supportive teachers.[00:09:19] Nurturing Self-BeliefLucy explains creative ways she maintained hope, such as recording videos to her future self.[00:13:00] From Barrister to Advocate & FounderWhat motivated Lucy to step into advocacy, found Lawyers Who Care, and publicly discuss her experience.[00:17:40] Belonging in the Legal ProfessionExploration of what “belonging” means in law and the need for structural change for care-experienced people.[00:22:10] Trauma Awareness in LawThe importance of trauma awareness, understanding behaviors, and the impact on clients and colleagues.[00:24:26] Resilience in the Legal ProfessionHow Lucy’s resilience developed, and what it means for her in daily legal practice.[00:26:33] Most Affirming MomentLucy talks about the affirming experience of launching Lawyers Who Care.[00:30:30] Advice for Young People in Care Considering LawLucy gives advice, emphasizing that law is for everyone and to embrace uniqueness.[00:33:20] Advice for Leaders: Concrete Steps for InclusionLucy shares steps leaders can take to make workplaces more accessible for care-experienced people.[00:36:13] Wrap-Up and ReflectionsThanks for listening—and keep nurturing your own ambitions with authenticity and hope.Connect with Ruth:Instagram LinkedIn Website

Today, we’re diving deep into the lesser-talked-about “shadowy side” of leadership. While leadership is often framed around positivity, strength, and values, there’s a whole set of unseen influences—the parts of ourselves we’d rather not acknowledge—that shape the way we lead. Drawing on ideas from Freud, Carl Jung, and practical leadership coaching, we explore how ignoring our shadows can come back to bite us, why avoidance doesn’t make our flaws disappear, and how self-awareness and ownership are crucial to sustainable, authentic leadership.[00:01:06] – The Concept of the Shadow in LeadershipExplanation that every leader has a “shadow”—the unseen, often uncomfortable parts of ourselves.Emphasis on being kind to oneself when exploring these difficult aspects.[00:02:01] – The Importance of Self-awarenessWhy it’s easier to focus on strengths rather than shadows.References to psychological theories (Freud, Jung) and the idea of “unknown unknowns.”[00:03:07] – How Shadows Show UpExamples of how shadow traits manifest (avoiding conflict, craving approval, perfectionism).Emphasizing that these are not “bad,” but very human responses.[00:04:56] – Shadow Becomes Destructive When IgnoredThe dangers of blind spots and repressed traits.Examples from coaching practice: leaders are often rewarded for the “light” side and overlook the shadow.The impact of stress—how strengths can morph into their shadow side.[00:07:56] – Consequences of Denying the ShadowHow the shadow “leaks” out in behaviors like micromanagement, frustration, passive aggression, or withdrawal.Analogy: the shadow is like an invisible draft.[00:08:32] – Recognizing and Owning Our ShadowImportance of self-ownership—acknowledging both positive and negative sides.With self-awareness comes choice and the ability to change or set boundaries.[00:10:33] – Reflection Questions for ListenersPrompts to consider where their shadow might be impacting their leadership.Overusing strengths, avoiding issues, or emotionally outsourcing.Bringing your shadow side into awareness is about embracing your whole self. This self-ownership helps you make conscious choices, identify and fulfill your needs, and show up more authentically—at work and in life.If you’re showing up in spaces not made for you—keep going. You’re seen, and you’re not alone.Connect with Ruth:Instagram LinkedIn Website

Welcome to “Frustrated and Exhausted,” the podcast supporting women in career and leadership. In this reflective October episode, I dive deep into how past experiences can quietly haunt us in our professional lives—especially as the season shifts and we find ourselves reflecting more.Recognizing these patterns is crucial. I advise listeners to name the beliefs that haunt them and examine if they're still relevant or helpful. Through reflection, we can thank the past for its lessons and consciously decide to move forward.[00:00:59]The concept of hauntings from past experiences: Discussing how old comments, workplace culture, or family remarks continue to "haunt" us and affect current behavior.[00:02:02]How negative beliefs and behaviors from past workplaces persist: Reflecting on overpreparing due to previous criticism, and how some patterns might have positive and negative impacts.[00:02:59]Examples of lingering patterns: Saying yes too often, fear of boundaries, hesitancy to speak up—how these behaviors can have roots in previous workplace trauma.[00:03:50]Reacting to ghosts of the past: Leaders and managers living with "corporate PTSD" and how these past stories shape present reactions and assumptions.[00:05:05]Losing sight of who you are now: The impact of acting from old assumptions, and a reflective prompt from the host about what might be haunting you.[00:06:04]Letting go of unhelpful stories: It's not about erasing the past but acknowledging what's running the show and deciding if it still serves you.[00:07:06]Recognizing reflex reactions: How old patterns show up instinctively, and questions to ask yourself to identify their origin.[00:07:46]Letting go and moving forward: The host emphasizes the process of gratitude, recognition, and release of old patterns.[00:09:16]Resonate Leadership’s support: Helping leaders and teams spot and overcome the patterns and invisible barriers to collaboration stemming from the past.Thank you for listening to this episode of “Frustrated and Exhausted.” Remember—if you’re still showing up in spaces that weren’t built for you, keep going. The future is yours to shape.Connect with Ruth:Instagram LinkedIn Website

In this episode, we tackle the all-too-familiar “buffet” approach to time—why piling your schedule high with every request isn’t sustainable, and how to protect your energy for what really matters. The host shares practical strategies for setting boundaries, having trade-off conversations, and making your time more impactful—especially for women leaders prone to overcommitting.[00:01:02] – Connecting the buffet analogy to overstuffed workloads at work[00:01:46] – Why September is a peak "just a quick thing" season and prime time for overcommitment[00:02:36] – The challenge of boundaries, especially for women, and reframing them as necessary for impact[00:03:03] – Every yes is a no to something else; protecting your time is protecting your leadership[00:03:55] – Practical tool: Trading instead of saying a flat "no" (“Yes, if…” responses)[00:04:23] – Practical tool: Time boxing (“I can give you 15 minutes to scope this…”)[00:05:52] – Practical tool: The "parking bay" (capturing ideas/requests without committing now)[00:06:32] – Script examples you can use this week to help with boundaries[00:07:26] – Flipping the decision back to the requester to clarify priorities[00:08:27] – Ask yourself: “Where am I leaking 10% of my week?” and being tight on the quick favours[00:08:54] – Practice the tools suggested and notice the space createdRemember: “Your time isn’t a buffet. You don’t have to pile your plate to prove your worth.”Thank you for listening! Protect your plate and focus on what truly moves the needle.Connect with Ruth:Instagram LinkedIn Website

Welcome to a powerful episode of Ruth: Frustrated and Exhausted, where our host is joined by Penny East, CEO of the Fawcett Society—the UK's leading charity campaigning for gender equality and women’s rights. Together, they dive deep into what equity really looks like in today’s fast-changing world.Penny sheds light on everything from closing the gender pay gap and the underrepresentation of women in AI and politics, to ongoing workplace barriers and the challenges of combating violence against women and girls. The conversation unpacks the everyday realities women face, the nuances of new technology like AI in perpetuating bias, and the importance of intersectionality in shaping policy.You’ll also hear about the progress being made, where urgent action is still needed, and practical ways listeners—both men and women—can get involved and help drive change.Discussion: Violence Against Women & Girls (VAWG)[00:05:15] – Penny discusses investment in perpetrator programs, gaps in victim support.[00:06:01] – Context on government priorities and political climate challenges.Fawcett’s Work & Government Accountability[00:07:56] – Penny responds about evidence, measuring misogyny, sexism in society.[00:08:59] – Example: misogyny in football crowds discussed.Increasing Misogyny Among Young People[00:12:05] – Penny shares survey findings, worsening attitudes in younger demographics.[00:12:33] – Discussion on online algorithms, radicalization, social influences and values.Internalized Misogyny & Workplace Experience[00:18:57] – Penny discusses her own and women's experience with internalized biases.Experiences of Women of Colour[00:21:11] – Question about Fawcett’s work, government response on women of colour’s experience.[00:22:04] – Government consultations, pay gap reporting, maternity care issues addressed.Women's Health & Maternity[00:26:11] – Penny discusses current and lacking health strategies, AI/data bias.Patriarchy, AI & Gender Bias[00:32:00] – Penny addresses risks in recruitment, productivity tools, digital exclusion, automation.Flexible Work & Class Disparities[00:36:24] – Penny discusses how flexible working disparities largely benefit middle-class, office-based women, and COVID’s impact.Investment for Women / Economic Power[00:40:00] – Host raises low VC investment for women and government action.[00:40:56] – Penny emphasizes importance of male allies, biases in venture capital and charity giving.How Far to Equality?[00:44:18] – Penny: current estimates for pay gap closure (2050), global parity (130-140 years), political headwinds, need for sector unity and collective action.Thank you for listening! If you’re feeling shocked, galvanized—or just want to do something—now’s the time. Join the movement for gender equality, and let’s make our voices heard.Connect with Ruth:Instagram LinkedIn Website

Welcome to the 100th episode of Frustrated and Exhausted! In this milestone episode, I dive into the theme of “Soft Voice, Strong Spine,” unpacking the persistent myths around leadership, communication, and impact—especially for women in the workplace.Celebrating Episode 100:A heartfelt thank you to all listeners and supporters. Making it to 100 episodes is a proud achievement—especially given how many podcasts don’t make it past the first few.[00:00:43] – Episode Theme: “Soft Voice, Strong Spine”Speaker A explains the focus on nuanced leadership and how a softer approach can have more impact.[00:01:54] – Challenges of Not Being the Loudest VoiceDiscusses the frustration with louder voices dominating meetings and the discomfort of shouting or staying quiet.[00:02:38] – Myth: Leadership = VolumeAddresses the persistent myth that effective leaders must be loud and charismatic.[00:03:41] – Avoiding Forced Performances or Shrinking BackExplains the common reactions to noise in meetings and introduces the alternative approach.[00:04:30] – Personal Turning Point StoryShares a personal experience about holding back in a loud meeting and how pausing made an impact.[00:05:47] – Conviction & ImpactHighlights the value of conviction and framing over volume.[00:06:20] – Three Practical TechniquesOutlines three key points:Framing (@[00:06:20])Strategic Pauses (@[00:08:48])Strong Meeting Closures (@[00:09:41])[00:11:05] – Handling InterruptionsThank you for tuning in—and remember: if you’re still showing up in spaces that weren’t built for you, we see you. Keep going.Subscribe for more episodes and insights on women, career, and leadership—all designed to help you achieve your ambitions without sacrificing your well-being.Connect with Ruth:Instagram LinkedIn Website

This week, we're joined by Dr. Monica Nangia, a seasoned higher education leader with more than 20 years of experience. Dr. Monica is celebrated for her sharp insight, commitment to equity, and a powerful, student-centred leadership approach. She’s also leading an initiative capturing the stories of women of colour in higher education—spotlighting both their achievements and the barriers they've had to overcome.What we cover in this episode:Dr. Monica’s personal journey into higher education leadership, inspired by both her own family and early role models.The reality of inclusive leadership: what it looks like day-to-day, why it’s more than just a declaration, and how it shows up in small, impactful moments.Why vulnerability and humility are crucial to leadership, and Dr. Monica’s own path to bringing her whole self to work.Recurring challenges faced by women of colour in higher education: the exhausting “prove it again” bias, cultural taxation (the unpaid labour of diversity work), lack of visible role models, and the struggle between hypervisibility and invisibility.The emotional impact: “racial battle fatigue”—the toll of constant microaggressions, pressure to represent entire communities, and the ways women cope and build resilience.Why allyship matters: practical advice for allies who want to open up conversations and support colleagues, even when it feels awkward or uncertain.The power of storytelling: how sharing lived experiences can drive genuine, cultural change within institutions and beyond.If you’re still showing up in spaces that weren’t built for you: we see you, and we hope you find strength and solidarity here.If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, review, and share. Got thoughts or stories to share? Reach out—we’d love to hear from you!Contact Linkedin Dr Monika Nangia Connect with Ruth:Instagram LinkedIn Website