“i wasn’t going to tell you –“ “i already know,” said the squirrel. “know what?” i asked. “gore got the nobel.” with consolation i remarked, “only half a nobel,” i added. “he deserved it, i guess,” guessed the squirrel. “but … Continue reading →
“mind if i take this?” asks the squirrel. “yes,” i say. “it might be important.” “are you saying having dinner with me isn’t important?” “now who are you texting?” i ask. “some people,” confesses the squirrel. “why?” “to find out … Continue reading →
“scrambled eggs with brains,” squirrel tells the waitress. “you might want to get something else,” i suggest. “those are squirrel brains, you know. and besides, i thought squirrels were vegetarians.” “but i like brains. i find them attractive in squirrels,” … Continue reading →
“hi, i’m a mexican,” reads the button. “i’m wearing it in solidarity,” i said. “but you’re not mexican,” remarked the squirrel. “unless you live on a reservation or own a casino –” “like the arapaho or donald trump?” asked the … Continue reading →
after his third mojito, second pilgrimage to the shell shack and sleeveless t-shirt shoppe, squirrel asked: “how long have we been in florida?” “two days,” i said. “feels like two months,” replied the squirrel. “i guess that’s why retirees come … Continue reading →
a ten-day salute to sausage announced the beer cup. “the best fest is the wurstfest,” mumbled the squirrel. i never knew a rodent could eat so much bratwurst. after the third or fourth polka band in das grosse zelt, catching … Continue reading →
squirrel put up signs on the trees and poles in the park. “have you seen my mind?” the sign read. “gray with gyrus and sulcus. about the size of a walnut.” “did you lose it or simply misplace it?” i … Continue reading →
“i can’t fly this itinerary,” said the squirrel. “but it’s a direct flight,” i told him. “i just can’t fly from ronald reagan to george bush. i’ll get nauseous on the plane – probably throw up.” “maybe we can do … Continue reading →
splayed out on a bathmat, squirrel said, “it’s called the prefiguration of the king.” “i don’t see it.” sure i saw the pills, the sequined-covered bathrobe hanging from the hook, the half-eaten, deep-fried peanut butter banana sandwich. just then a … Continue reading →
choking back the tears, as he placed a bouquet of flowers by the lamppost, squirrel said, “this is where they stole my bicycle.” “that bicycle was stolen 13 years ago. besides you hardly rode that bike.” “it’s a wound that … Continue reading →