“scrambled eggs with brains,”

squirrel tells the waitress.

“you might want to get something else,”

i suggest.

“those are squirrel brains, you know.

and besides, i thought squirrels

were vegetarians.”

“but i like brains.

i find them attractive in squirrels,”

he explains.

“you might get jacob-creutzfeldt disease.”

“what’s that?” he asks.

“mad cow,” i tell him.

“just order the mediterranean omelet.”

squirrel calls the waitress over

and asks if the eggs contain squirrel brains.

“i’m jacob schmirnoff-intolerant,” he explains.

“me too,” winks the waitress

and brings the squirrel french toast

and her phone number.