The Human Intimacy Podcast

Nine Simple Practices That Strengthen Relationships Summary In Episode #99 of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis celebrate their 99th episode by sharing nine powerful practices couples can use to strengthen connection, deepen trust, and build meaningful intimacy. Each principle is grounded in years of clinical experience, neuroscience, and relationship research—while remaining practical and accessible for real-life relationships. Together they explore why emotional safety is the foundation of all connection, the importance of ownership over blame, and how consistent attunement builds emotional closeness. They emphasize spending intentional time together, rebuilding trust through small daily actions, learning to emotionally regulate before communicating, and facing—not avoiding—conflict. They also highlight how positive relational interactions nurture bonding and why dreaming and planning for the future together creates shared hope and purpose. Listeners are encouraged to start small, picking one area to work on, knowing that meaningful relationships are built one intentional step at a time. Key References & Influences These concepts draw from established research and recognized thought leaders in relationships, trauma, emotional regulation, and neurobiology: Polyvagal Theory & Safety Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. Emotional Attunement & Attachment Siegel, D. J. (2010). The Mindful Therapist: A Clinician’s Guide to Mindsight and Neural Integration. Trust and Relationship Repair Gottman, J. & Silver, N. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Gottman, J. (2011). What Makes Love Last? Ownership vs. Blame / Emotional Responsibility Brown, B. (2015). Rising Strong. Conflict Resolution & The Zeigarnik Effect Zeigarnik, B. (1927). On Finished and Unfinished Tasks. Psychologische Forschung. Hope & Future Orientation Seligman, M. (2018). The Hope Circuit: A Psychologist’s Journey from Helplessness to Optimism. Trauma, Safety & Human Connection van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score. Conference Invitation If you’re ready to go deeper in strengthening your relationship, we invite you to join us at the Human Intimacy 2nd Annual Conference. Use coupon code 50off to receive 50% off registration (limited time): https://humanintimacy.zohobackstage.com/HumanIntimacy2ndAnnualConference#/   Online Supplemental Course: (It’s Free) The Human Intimacy Companion Course  

The Gift of Your Presence: Why Showing Up Matters More Than You Think In this heartfelt Human Intimacy Podcast episode, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore the powerful impact of truly being present in the lives of the people we love. During a season filled with busyness, distraction, and endless to-do lists, they invite listeners to slow down and consider the deeper message presence communicates: You matter. I see you. I care. Through meaningful personal stories—celebrations, graduations, family milestones, healing conversations, and everyday moments—Kevin and MaryAnn reflect on how presence fosters connection, emotional safety, belonging, and joy. They also discuss how curiosity, vulnerability, emotional attunement, and reducing distraction can transform relationships, reduce loneliness, and nurture human intimacy. Listeners are encouraged to offer the gift of presence intentionally this season: celebrate others’ wins, sit with them in pain, express appreciation, forgive where needed, and take time to let people feel seen and “felt.” Because when we show up, we don’t just fill space—we change hearts, regulate nervous systems, strengthen bonds, and remind each other we are not alone. Resources & Links Human Intimacy Conference — March 13–14, 2026 Join leading experts including Dr. Jill Manning, Dr. Karen Strange, and others for two powerful days of learning, healing, and connection. Includes pre-conference Q&A with experts and full session recordings. 👉 Register here: https://humanintimacy.zohobackstage.com/HumanIntimacy2ndAnnualConference#/ Use Coupon Code: 50off for 50% off (valid through December 31) Human Intimacy Courses & Online Programs Explore courses to support healing from betrayal, emotional regulation, rebuilding intimacy, and relationship connection. 👉 https://www.humanintimacy.com Referenced Concepts / Recommended Reading Dan Siegel — Feeling Felt & Interpersonal Neurobiology Irving Yalom — Presence and relational connection Research on loneliness as a public health concern and the power of human connection

The Stories We Tell Ourselves: How Meaning, Shame, and Assumptions Shape Our Relationships Summary In this episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and licensed clinical social worker Marianne Michaelis explore the powerful—and often invisible—stories we tell ourselves about who we are and how others see us. Even when people share the same experience, their interpretations can be radically different, shaped by past wounds, shame, fear, and unmet needs. Through clinical examples, personal stories, and everyday moments of misunderstanding, they unpack how the brain naturally fills in gaps to create meaning—and how those meanings can quietly dictate our emotions, reactions, and relationships. The conversation highlights common shame-based narratives such as “I’m too much,” “I’m not enough,”or “I don’t matter,” and how these stories become internalized as truth over time. Dr. Skinner and Marianne emphasize the importance of awareness, fact-checking, emotional ownership, and curiosity—both toward ourselves and others. Healing begins when we slow down, speak our stories in safe places, challenge old assumptions, and allow compassion to replace judgment. The episode closes with an invitation to approach others—and ourselves—with deeper curiosity, asking not “What’s wrong?” but “What’s the story?” Resources & References Skinner, K. – Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal Tutu, D. & Tutu, M. – The Book of Forgiveness Brown, B. – I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t) Siegel, D. – Mindsight Human Intimacy Podcast – Episode on Emotional Ownership Journaling as a tool for emotional processing and self-reflection Concepts referenced: Shame narratives Emotional ownership Fact-checking internal stories Fight-or-flight responses and meaning-making Compassion vs. judgment The Human Intimacy 2nd Annual Conference (discount 50% off Coupon Code = 50off  

  Emotional Ownership: Understanding and Responding to Your Inner World Summary In this timely episode, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore one of the most essential—and most avoided—skills in relationships: emotional ownership. As the holiday season intensifies stress, loneliness, old family wounds, and relational tension, the ability to understand and take responsibility for our internal world becomes even more vital. Together, they break down what emotional ownership looks like and what it does not look like. Using real-life examples, including a vulnerable story from Dr. Skinner, the conversation highlights how quickly couples slip into blame, shame spirals, and reactive “hot” responses. MaryAnn emphasizes the role of tone, kindness, and Gottman’s concept of positive sentiment override, while Dr. Skinner demonstrates how owning one’s emotional experience opens the door to connection rather than conflict. Listeners will learn: Why people often don’t know what they feel—and why that’s okay How holiday dynamics intensify emotional triggers The difference between owning an emotion and shifting responsibility How tone and delivery change everything in difficult conversations How shame, avoidance, and catastrophizing block intimacy Why slowing down your internal experience leads to deeper connection How emotional ownership becomes the foundation of relational safety, trust, and maturity The episode ends with practical guidance on taking responsibility for your own emotions, choosing kindness, and knowing when deeper therapeutic work is needed. Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn invite listeners to reflect honestly on their emotional patterns and make conscious choices that lead to healthier, more intimate relationships. Resources Mentioned Books & Authors Desmond Tutu & Mpho Tutu — The Book of Forgiving Explores the fourfold path to forgiveness, including moving through anger, grief, and acceptance. John Gottman — Research on Bids for Connection & Positive Sentiment Override Essential relationship frameworks explaining how couples build or deplete emotional trust. Dr. Kevin Skinner — Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal A clinical guide to understanding trauma responses, emotional dysregulation, and healing after betrayal. Concepts & Clinical Frameworks Emotional Ownership vs. Emotional Shifting Taking responsibility for internal experience rather than blaming or projecting. Tone & Delivery in Conflict How softening your approach changes relational outcomes. Fight–Flight–Freeze–Fawn Responses Understanding physiological reactions to emotional threat. Shame Spirals Patterns where individuals turn against themselves in moments of relational stress. Betrayal Trauma Responses & Trigger Cycles Why certain relational moments evoke intense reactions. Therapeutic Support Individual Therapy When emotions feel overwhelming, confusing, or out of control. Couples Therapy For recurring patterns of blame, avoidance, or emotional disconnection. Links Human Intimacy Conference – 50% Off Through December 2025 (Coupon Code: 50off) 2nd Annual Human Intimacy Conference 2026 (Coupon code available on website; offer valid through Dec 31, 2025) Human Intimacy Podcast Homepage https://www.humanintimacy.com/podcast Human Intimacy Main Site https://www.humanintimacy.com  

The Somatic Experience: How the Body Stores Trauma and the Path to Physiological Healing In this powerful episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, explore the essential connection between trauma, physiology, and healing through a somatic lens. Drawing on the work of Peter Levine, Bessel van der Kolk, Deb Dana, and polyvagal theory, they highlight how trauma is not only a psychological experience but a physical one stored in the muscles, nervous system, and internal energy of the body. Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn discuss why individuals—especially betrayed partners—often disconnect from their bodies after chronic stress, betrayal trauma, or overwhelming life experiences. They examine how fight, flight, and freeze responses affect the nervous system, how chronic cortisol disrupts mood and metabolism, and why many trauma survivors struggle to sense or interpret their own physiological cues. Through stories, research, and lived experiences, the hosts illustrate how the body keeps the score and how healing requires learning to listen to internal sensations rather than pushing them aside. They offer practical tools such as somatic tracking, Peter Levine’s completion techniques, trauma-informed yoga, breathing exercises that access the vagus nerve, and movement-based approaches for releasing stored energy. The episode includes a guided somatic check-in where listeners rate their tension level and are invited into a simple three-minute breathing practice designed to lower physiological arousal. Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn also normalize the experience of increased anxiety during quiet moments and suggest alternative vagus nerve–based exercises and sound-based practices (like the “vu” exhale) to support regulation. They close by emphasizing self-compassion, intentionality, and noticing “glimmers” of safety as signs that the body is returning to calm. Listeners are also invited to deepen their healing journey by attending the 2nd Annual Human Intimacy Conference, where leading experts will share tools for recovering from sexual betrayal, infidelity, and building deeper, safer relationships. References & Resources (Updated) Key Authors & Theories Peter A. Levine, PhD Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma — foundational work on Somatic Experiencing and how trauma is stored and released through the body. Bessel van der Kolk, MD The Body Keeps the Score — seminal text on how trauma affects the nervous system, brain, and body. Stephen W. Porges, PhD Polyvagal Theory — explains the body's hierarchy of safety, fight/flight, and shutdown responses. Deb Dana, LCSW The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy — introduces “glimmers” and practical tools for nervous-system regulation. Practices Mentioned Trauma-Informed Yoga Somatic Experiencing (SE) Vagus Nerve Stimulation / “Basic Exercise” (Polyvagal-based) Breathwork for parasympathetic activation Sound-based regulation (e.g., “vu” exhale with hand on abdomen) Movement-based release (running in place, shaking, kicking safely, dancing) Grounding and body-scan exercises Human Intimacy Resources HumanIntimacy.com – Articles, courses, and assessments on betrayal trauma, recovery, and deeper connection. 2nd Annual Human Intimacy Conference – Coupon Code: 50%off —A live event featuring leading experts (including Dr. Kevin Skinner and colleagues) focused on healing from sexual betrayal and infidelity, rebuilding safety and trust, and creating deeper, more connected relationships. Human Intimacy Intensives – Including betrayal trauma intensives and couples intensives that incorporate trauma-informed yoga and somatic work.

The Transformative Power of Gratitude: How Noticing the “Why” Deepens Connection In this Thanksgiving-week episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore the healing power of gratitude—both in everyday life and in relationships. What begins as a simple conversation about what they’re grateful for quickly deepens into an exploration of why certain people, moments, and memories hold meaning. Drawing on the work of Dr. Martin Seligman, Dr. Skinner emphasizes that identifying the “why” behind our gratitude—not just naming the object of it—creates a more emotionally rich and neurologically uplifting experience. MaryAnn highlights the reality that family can be both a source of deep gratitude and profound pain. For those who lack supportive family relationships, they offer practical ways to find gratitude in mentors, ancestors, teachers, or meaningful communities—the “tribes” we discover along the way. Together, they reflect on how gratitude acts as a natural antidepressant, shifting our emotional state, reducing stress, increasing joy, and strengthening attachment bonds. Listeners are invited to slow down, reflect on the people who have shaped them, and express gratitude in intentional, meaningful ways—especially during the holiday season. Dr. Skinner closes with a heartfelt message of appreciation for listeners, along with a reminder that practicing gratitude is one of the most powerful tools for healing, connection, and resilience. Resources Mentioned & Related Readings Books & Research Referenced Martin Seligman – Flourish; research on gratitude, positive psychology, and well-being Brené Brown – The Gifts of Imperfection, Daring Greatly (concepts of shame, worthiness, and connection) Thich Nhat Hanh – Teachings on connection, compassion, and human interdependence John Gottman, PhD – Research on positive sentiment override and gratitude in relationships Robert Emmons, PhD – Leading researcher on gratitude as a psychological tool Stephen Porges, PhD – Polyvagal Theory (connection, co-regulation, and emotional safety) Therapeutic Concepts Referenced Gratitude journaling The “why” exercise from Martin Seligman Gratitude as a natural antidepressant Finding your tribe / community-based support Intergenerational resources (ancestral resilience) Practical Tools & Strategies Write down what you are grateful for and why it matters Gratitude lists (daily or weekly) Expressing gratitude directly to loved ones Identifying people from past or present who modeled love, stability, or compassion Using gratitude to shift emotional states and reduce anxiety or depression Human Intimacy Resources Human Intimacy Conference 2026 (Coupon Code: Black-Friday discount mentioned in episode) HumanIntimacy.com for courses, podcasts, and healing resources Upcoming episodes focused on healing, connection, and relationship resilience

Seeing Your Blind Spots: Why We Make the Choices We Do In this powerful and reflective episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore why people make choices that go against their values—especially in the aftermath of trauma, betrayal, and emotional flooding. Drawing from clinical experience, Internal Family Systems (IFS) language, trauma reenactment, arousal templates, and the science of human behavior, they unpack the subconscious forces that drive unwanted patterns. The discussion highlights how “firefighter” parts act impulsively to stop emotional pain, why unresolved trauma often leads to repeated relational patterns, and how blind spots develop from both early experiences and generational learning. Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn explore how shame, fear, secrecy, and lack of boundaries contribute to destructive behaviors—whether as the betrayed or the betrayer. The heart of this episode centers on building self-awareness, humility, and character development through honest reflection. Listeners are invited to pause, examine the choices they’re making, recognize patterns that no longer serve them, and take courageous steps toward change. Whether you’re working through betrayal trauma, navigating recovery, or wanting to become a better version of yourself, this conversation offers insight, compassion, and a path forward. Resources Mentioned & Recommended Human Intimacy Courses RISE: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal A comprehensive online course to help betrayed partners navigate trauma, rebuild emotional safety, and understand the healing journey. Reclaim: Healing from Pornography and Rebuilding Your Life A structured recovery program addressing unwanted pornography use, shame cycles, and rebuilding intimacy. Books & Frameworks Referenced Internal Family Systems (IFS) – Richard Schwartz Understanding “firefighter” parts and internal protective systems. Trauma Reenactment Concepts – Judith Herman, Bessel van der Kolk Insight into repeated relational and behavioral patterns tied to past trauma. Arousal Template Research – Dr. Kevin Skinner Clinical insights into how early sexual experiences shape adult behavior. Character Development Approach – Inspired by Benjamin Franklin’s virtues A model for intentional growth and self-refinement. Additional Human Intimacy Resources Human Intimacy Podcast Archive HumanIntimacy.com – Articles, assessments, and healing tools Second Annual Human Intimacy Conference – March 13–14, 2026 (registration link in show notes)

The Cost of Judgment: Seeing Ourselves and Others Through Compassion Summary: In this episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore the nature of judgment—how we judge ourselves, others, and the world around us. They unpack how the brain’s natural tendency to predict and protect can lead us to make judgments based on incomplete stories or past experiences. Through real-life examples, including therapy sessions and group work, they illustrate how judgment can distort perception, breed resentment, and disconnect us from others. Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn emphasize that judgment often arises when we lack understanding of a person’s story. By shifting from judgment to curiosity—asking “What happened to you?” instead of “What’s wrong with you?”—we open space for empathy and healing. They also explore how self-judgment impacts individuals, especially betrayed partners who internalize blame, and how learning to suspend judgment fosters emotional freedom and connection. The discussion integrates insights from Byron Katie’s “The Work” and Dr. Bruce Perry & Oprah Winfrey’s “What Happened to You?”, encouraging listeners to question their assumptions and replace self-condemnation with self-compassion. The episode closes with a reflective invitation: identify a situation or person you’ve judged, and ask, “What’s the story behind this thought, emotion, or behavior?” Resources Mentioned: The Work by Byron Katie — Four powerful questions to challenge judgments and distorted beliefs. What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing by Dr. Bruce D. Perry & Oprah Winfrey — Exploring how understanding personal stories transforms compassion and connection. The Betrayal Bond by Dr. Patrick Carnes — Understanding trauma bonds and how early experiences shape adult patterns and self-judgment. Compassionate Accountability: A Field Guide to Building Connection and Trust by Dr. Nate Regier — For learning how to balance accountability with empathy. HumanIntimacy.com — Explore upcoming courses and events, including Rise: Hope and Healing from Sexual Betrayal, Reclaim: Healing from Pornography and Rebuilding Your Life, and the Human Intimacy Conference (March 13–14, 2026).

  Resilient Couples: How to Stay Strong Through Life’s Hardest Challenges Summary: In this inspiring episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, explore what it means to build resiliency as individuals and as couples—especially in the face of life’s most difficult challenges. Drawing from personal experiences, research, and decades of clinical work, they discuss the essential components of resilience: adaptability, emotional regulation, flexibility, and hope. The conversation delves into why emotional self-awareness is the foundation of resilient relationships, how couples can “fight well,” and what it means to create safety before deeper connection can occur. They reference experts such as Dr. Al Siebert, Dr. Dan Siegel, Dr. Stephen Porges, and Dr. Martin Seligman, offering insights into the neurobiology of resilience and the relational skills that sustain connection through adversity. Listeners will walk away with practical strategies to strengthen their emotional core, improve communication, and cultivate hope—even in seasons of deep pain or uncertainty. Key Takeaways: Resiliency begins with emotional regulation and self-awareness. Adaptability and flexibility are learned skills that sustain connection. Safety is the foundation for relational repair after trauma. Emotional intelligence helps us stay curious and connected rather than reactive. Hope is a neurological process—and a critical part of healing together. Resources Mentioned: The Survivor Personality – Dr. Al Siebert The Body Keeps the Score – Dr. Bessel van der Kolk Polyvagal Theory – Dr. Stephen Porges The Whole-Brain Child & Mindsight – Dr. Dan Siegel Emotional Intelligence – Dr. Daniel Goleman The Hope Circuit – Dr. Martin Seligman Treating Sexual Addiction: A Compassionate Approach – Dr. Kevin Skinner HumanIntimacy.com – Courses: Companionship Course, Rise: Hope and Healing from Sexual Betrayal, and Reclaim: Healing from Pornography  

Permission to Feel: Creating Safety for Emotional Intimacy Episode Summary In this powerful episode, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore one of the most important — and misunderstood — aspects of healing after betrayal: emotional experience and expression. Many of us have been conditioned to suppress emotions, especially those that feel scary, overwhelming, or “unacceptable” — such as anger, fear, grief, or shame. Often, our logic steps in and says, “You shouldn’t feel that,”creating an internal shut-down that prevents emotional processing and healing. Drawing on neuroscience, attachment theory, and therapeutic insights, Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn discuss: Why we feel before we think — and what that means for trauma responses The cultural discomfort with strong emotions and how this affects relationships How betrayal trauma conditions many partners to distrust their internal emotional cues The science of tears — and how crying releases different emotional chemicals Jill Bolte Taylor’s “Brain Huddle” — an integrated approach to emotional awareness How emotional safety enables true relational intimacy Why our job is not to fix emotions, but to be with the person experiencing them What prevents couples from sharing emotions — and how to rebuild that trust Listeners are invited to approach their inner world with curiosity instead of judgment, give themselves permission to feel, and begin courageous conversations about how emotions are shared within their relationship. 📝 Listener Assignment Ask your partner (or journal independently if the conversation does not feel safe yet): “When I share emotion with you, what is it like for you?” “When you share emotion with me, here’s what it’s like for me…” The goal isn't to fix — but to begin understanding, witnessing, and honoring each other’s emotional worlds. 📚 References & Resources Books & Theoretical Models Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence. Bantam Books. Johnson, S. (2019). Attachment Theory in Practice: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Individuals, Couples, and Families. Guilford Press. Taylor, J. B. (2021). Whole Brain Living: The Anatomy of Choice and the Four Characters That Drive Our Life.Hay House. LeDoux, J. (1996). The Emotional Brain: The Mysterious Underpinnings of Emotional Life. Simon & Schuster. van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score. Penguin Books. Neuroscience Articles LeDoux, J. (2000). Emotion circuits in the brain. Annual Review of Neuroscience, 23, 155–184. Trimble, M. R., & Pryce, C. R. (2022). Biology of tears and emotional expression. CNS Neuroscience & Therapeutics, 28(12), 1779–1789. Related Human Intimacy Resources Rise: Hope & Healing from Sexual Betrayal Podcast Reclaim Podcast The free Human Intimacy Companionship Course (includes worksheets for episodes 80–90)

When You Want Change & Your Partner Isn’t Ready Summary What happens when one partner is ready to change—but the other isn’t? In this episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore how couples navigate this difficult space. Drawing from the Stages of Change model, they explain how relationships often resist change to maintain balance (homeostasis), and why transformation inevitably brings discomfort. Through live role-play, Kevin and MaryAnn demonstrate both ineffective and healthy ways to approach hard conversations—showing how to express needs, respond to defensiveness, and create safety for vulnerability. They unpack the Drama Triangle, attachment patterns, and the power of differentiation—knowing your truth while staying connected. Listeners will learn how to prepare for meaningful dialogue, set boundaries with compassion, and build trust through accountability and follow-through. Resources Free Companion Worksheet: Available in the Human Intimacy Podcast Course at HumanIntimacy.com → Courses → Free Courses → Human Intimacy Podcast Companion. Frameworks Discussed: Stages of Change — Prochaska & DiClemente Drama Triangle — Stephen Karpman Attachment “Dance” — Dr. Sue Johnson Four Horsemen — Drs. John & Julie Gottman Differentiation — Dr. Murray Bowen Recommended Reading: Hold Me Tight — Sue Johnson The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work — John Gottman The Dance of Anger — Harriet Lerner The State of Affairs — Esther Perel

Stages of Change: Understanding How Real Transformation Happens Summary: In Episode 88 of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore the Stages of Changemodel developed by James Prochaska and his colleagues, outlined in the book Changing for Good. Together, they walk through the five stages—pre-contemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, and maintenance—showing how these principles apply to both personal recovery and relationships affected by betrayal. Dr. Skinner highlights that change rarely happens instantly; it’s often a back-and-forth process requiring awareness, preparation, and consistent effort. MaryAnn adds depth by describing how fear, shame, and uncertainty can stall progress, especially when one partner is ready to change and the other is not. The episode provides practical insights into how both betrayed partners and those seeking recovery can understand where they are in the process—and what steps will help them move forward. Listeners will come away with a better understanding of how real, sustainable transformation unfolds and how to support themselves or their partners through the often nonlinear journey of change. Resources Mentioned: Book: Changing for Good by James Prochaska, John Norcross, and Carlo DiClemente Podcast: Reclaim: Healing from Pornography and Rebuilding Your Life Podcast: Rise: Hope and Healing from Sexual Betrayal Tool: 12-Step Recovery Programs and Sponsor Support Concepts Referenced: The Stages of Change Model (Prochaska & DiClemente) “Proper Preparation Prevents Pain” – on emotional readiness for change Automaticity and habit formation (66-day model for lasting behavioral change) Understanding relapse and stress triggers

Defining Your North Star: Understanding Core Values in Relationships (Episode 87) Summary In Episode 87 of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore the foundational role of core values in shaping identity, intimacy, and relational harmony. The conversation begins with reflection on gratitude and personal grounding, then transitions into how understanding one’s guiding principles—or “North Star”—influences emotional awareness, sexual decision-making, and conflict resolution. They discuss how early family, cultural, and religious influences shape our beliefs about what’s “good” or “bad,” often leaving individuals unaware of their authentic values. MaryAnn introduces examining our internalized “shoulds” to uncover inherited rules that may no longer serve us. Dr. Skinner emphasizes that defining values is a process of personal ownership, not external expectation, and that clarity enables healthy boundaries and more honest relating. The episode also covers what happens when partners’ values diverge—inviting curiosity, vulnerability, and respectrather than control or shutdown. Through clinical examples (anger, sexuality, secrecy), they show how self-awareness and emotional safety foster compassionate dialogue, and when persistent value gaps may signal deeper incompatibility. Takeaway: intimacy thrives when both partners pursue honest dialogue, self-reflection, and compassion, recognizing that values can evolve with growth and healing. Resources Show Notes & Assignments: HumanIntimacy.com/Podcast (values discovery prompts) Books & Frameworks: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work — John Gottman Hold Me Tight — Sue Johnson The Gifts of Imperfection — Brené Brown Atlas of the Heart — Brené Brown The Body Keeps the Score — Bessel van der Kolk Quick Reflection Exercise List three “should” statements guiding your choices. Ask: Where did this belief come from? Does it fit who I want to be now? Note how keeping vs. releasing it would affect your relationship.

From Hijacked to Healing: Navigating Triggers, Sobriety, and Repair after Sexual Betrayal Summary Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis break down what “being triggered” actually is—the body’s alarm system firing after a stimulus—and how it can hijack thinking and push couples into fight/flight/freeze. They map the reaction sequence (stimulus → thoughts/emotions → chemical surge → flooding) and explain why triggers can surface even years into recovery (Hebbian learning: “neurons that fire together wire together”). You’ll learn a practical path to move from reactivity to response: (1) name the trigger (“name it to tame it”), (2) notice where it lives in your body, (3) regulate—timeout, breath, movement, journaling, nature, (4) co-regulate with a sponsor or safe person, (5) practice self-compassion instead of shame, and (6) return for a repair conversation when both are calm. They coach the betraying partner to avoid minimizing or weaponizing the trigger and to offer steady presence and comfort. The episode closes with a preview of RISE: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, a new podcast + course focused on the early stages of betrayal trauma. Resources Immediate Tools & Guides 4-7-8 breathing or box breathing (physiological down-regulation) Personal “Co-Regulation Plan” (top 3 people to call/text; what to say; where to go) Trigger Journal template (stimulus → body sensations → emotions → meaning → next right step) Time-Out/Time-In agreements for couples (when, how, and how to re-engage) Books & Key Concepts Mentioned Dan Siegel — The Whole-Brain Child / “Name it to tame it” (emotion labeling) John Gottman — “Flooding” and physiological self-soothing Patrick Carnes — Don’t Call It Love (addiction & long-term change) Roy Baumeister — Ego depletion/decision fatigue (why long triggered states backfire) Francine Shapiro — EMDR (trauma processing) Bessel van der Kolk — The Body Keeps the Score (body-based trauma responses) Kristin Neff — Self-Compassion (skills for reducing shame) Stephen Porges / Deb Dana — Polyvagal-informed regulation & co-regulation Hebbian learning (“neurons that fire together wire together”)—why old cues retrigger Therapeutic & Community Supports EMDR-trained therapist; trauma- and betrayal-informed clinicians (CPTT/CSAT) Peer support: 12-step groups (S-Anon, SA/SAA/SLAA) or therapist-led betrayal groups Sponsor/mentor system for both partners (borrow a regulated nervous system) Related Episodes / Programs Human Intimacy Podcast #50 — Navigating Triggers in Public RISE: Hope & Healing After Sexual Betrayal — new podcast + course (early-stage betrayal trauma: triggers, PTSD responses, stabilization, and repair)

Breaking Free from Shame: How It Shapes and Strains Our Relationships Summary In this episode, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, dive deep into the destructive cycle of shame and its profound impact on relationships. Shame, often rooted in early childhood experiences, can silently disconnect partners—pulling one inward while leaving the other feeling abandoned and unseen. Together, Kevin and MaryAnn explore: How shame manifests in the body and nervous system as an automatic protective response. The cycle of shame between betrayed partners and those who have acted out, and why both can feel isolated and misunderstood. The difference between guilt ("I made a mistake") and shame ("I am a mistake"). Practical steps to recognize, name, and address shame—such as identifying its origins, noticing its physical cues, and finding safe spaces to share vulnerably. The role of vulnerability, responsibility, and self-compassion in breaking free from shame’s grip and restoring intimacy. Listeners will walk away with a clearer understanding of how shame disconnects us from those we love, and with tools to begin shifting toward presence, confidence, and connection. 📚 Resources Books & Research The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown – A guide to embracing self-compassion and resilience. Daring Greatly by Brené Brown – On the power of vulnerability in relationships. Power vs. Force by David R. Hawkins – Exploring emotional energy levels, including shame as the lowest. Childhood and Society by Erik Erikson – Psychosocial developmental stages, including shame vs. initiative. The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk – On trauma, the nervous system, and body memory. Therapeutic Tools Emotional Floatback Technique – Tracing current shame responses back to earlier life experiences. Acknowledge, Validate, Reassure (AVR) – A communication tool to reduce shame and increase connection. Support Groups & 12-Step Programs – Safe spaces to share struggles, reduce secrecy, and experience acceptance. Practical Applications Notice physical shame signals (flushed cheeks, tight stomach, loss of eye contact). Give shame a voice—safely name it out loud to lessen its power. Replace shame with responsibility: shift from self-condemnation to ownership of mistakes. Cultivate self-compassion: learning to sit with suffering without rejecting yourself. Learn more @Humanintimacy.com

Making Sense of and Responding to Tragic and Traumatic Events Special 9/11 & Charlie Kirk Shooting Edition In this special edition of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, reflect on the recent shooting at a university event where Charlie Kirk was injured, alongside the anniversary of 9/11. Together, they explore the rippling effects of tragedy and violence—how fear, anger, sadness, and numbness can show up differently for each person. Kevin shares his personal experience as a parent whose daughter was present on campus during the shooting, describing the fear, violation, and anger that came with the uncertainty of her safety. MaryAnn connects this to past events like Columbine and 9/11, highlighting how communities and families are profoundly changed by trauma. The conversation unpacks: The 10–80–10 rule of human response to crisis: most freeze, some help, and some escalate. How anger often masks deeper grief or fear, and why making sense of emotions is critical. Practical steps for processing trauma—journaling, sitting with your body’s sensations, giving emotions language, and seeking safe spaces for group debriefing. The dangers of media overexposure (“alone with media”) and “pain shopping,” which can reinforce trauma instead of fostering healing. The healing power of action, connection, and vulnerability—whether by helping others, checking in on a neighbor, or simply sitting in presence with someone who is hurting. The episode closes with a reminder, inspired by Fred Rogers: in times of tragedy, look for the helpers and be a helper.Healing happens through compassion, community, and connection—not isolation. 📚 Resources Mentioned The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D. – Understanding how trauma lives in the body and the importance of movement/action. Peter Levine’s Somatic Experiencing – Insights into trauma, the freeze response, and the need for movement. Joseph LeDoux’s research on trauma and neural pathways – Why taking action helps break the cycle of fear and rumination. Fred Rogers’ “Look for the Helpers” quote – A timeless reminder of resilience in the face of tragedy. Join us at HumanIntimacy.com to learn more about healthy relationships and healing from life traumas.   

Distraction, Devices, and the Disconnection Dilemma Episode #83 📘 Episode Summary In this episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore how today’s digital world is pulling our attention away from what matters most. From doom-scrolling and constant notifications to the rise of AI chatbots, they unpack how technology is reshaping our focus, relationships, and even the ways children develop social and emotional skills. Drawing on insights from Johann Hari (Stolen Focus), Cal Newport (Digital Minimalism), and Claire Morrell (The Tech Exit), the conversation highlights how endless distraction contributes to anxiety, depression, and disconnection—and how intentional choices can help us reclaim presence and intimacy. Listeners will gain practical self-evaluation questions, learn strategies for setting healthy boundaries with devices, and be invited to reflect on whether their attention is flowing toward the people and values that matter most. 📚 Recommended Resources Johann Hari — Stolen Focus: Why You Can’t Pay Attention Cal Newport — Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World Jean Twenge — iGen: Why Today’s Super-Connected Kids Are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy Claire Morrell — The Tech Exit: A Practical Guide to Freeing Kids and Teens from Smartphones Bessel van der Kolk — The Body Keeps the Score (on how stress and trauma—including digital overload—affect the body) Pew Research Center — studies on screen time and adolescent mental health Ethics and Public Policy Center — Technology and Human Flourishing Project (Claire Morrell’s research) Additional Resources: Humanintimacy.com/Reclaim      

Facing the Storm: Emotional Ownership as a Path to Healing In this episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, dive into the powerful concept of emotional ownership. They discuss why betrayal often sparks a safety-seeking response—over-monitoring, controlling, or trying to manage a partner’s behavior—and why that’s a natural trauma reaction but unsustainable long term. Drawing on the buffalo and cow metaphor, they invite listeners to “face the storm” of emotions rather than avoid them. The conversation explores how shifting from blame (“You made me…”) to ownership (“I feel…”) empowers healing, restores boundaries, and opens the door to deeper connection. Whether in the aftermath of sexual betrayal or in everyday relationship struggles, emotional ownership offers a path to move from survival mode to resilience. The episode closes with a reflective question for listeners: Can your partner fix your emotions? Share your thoughts with the team at questions@humanintimacy.com. 📚 Resources Mentioned Book: Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal by Dr. Kevin Skinner – understanding trauma responses and healing. Book: Treating Sexual Addiction: A Compassionate Approach to Recovery by Dr. Kevin Skinner – how emotional ownership relates to recovery. Boundaries Course: Human Intimacy Boundaries Course – tools for identifying and practicing healthy boundaries (humanintimacy.com). Concept: Locus of Control – learning what’s within your reach to influence. Metaphor: The Buffalo and the Cow – choosing to face emotions rather than prolong suffering. 12-Step Principle: “Stay on your side of the street” – focusing on your growth instead of managing your partner’s.

Sexual Fantasies: Healthy Intimacy or Hidden Escape? In this episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis take a deep dive into the complex and often misunderstood world of sexual fantasy. Together, they explore important questions: When are fantasies healthy? When do they become problematic? Dr. Skinner explains that fantasy is a normal part of human sexuality and even essential for arousal, but emphasizes the importance of safety, trust, and presence in a relationship. MaryAnn highlights how childhood experiences, shame, and unmet needs can shape fantasies, sometimes leading them to serve as escapes from pain rather than tools for connection. The conversation covers: The difference between healthy and unhealthy fantasy. How betrayal trauma complicates trust when it comes to fantasy. Why understanding your “arousal template” matters. How vulnerability and communication can turn fantasy into a tool for intimacy rather than a source of division. The risks of sexual shame and the importance of creating safe, nonjudgmental dialogue. Whether you’re curious about your own fantasies, navigating betrayal trauma, or seeking to strengthen intimacy with your partner, this episode provides a thoughtful, compassionate perspective on one of the most vulnerable aspects of human sexuality. 📚 Resources Mentioned & Recommended The Couple’s Guide to Intimacy: How Sexual Reintegration Therapy Can Help Your Relationship Heal – Drs. Bill & Ginger Bercaw Mating in Captivity – Esther Perel The Seven Types of Intimacy in Action (upcoming book) – Dr. Kevin Skinner IITAP (International Institute of Trauma & Addiction Professionals) – https://www.iitap.com For questions or topic suggestions: questions@humanintimacy.com  

The Human Intimacy Podcast #80: The Hidden Cost of Secrets in Relationships In this episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, unpack the complex world of secrecy in relationships—why we keep secrets, what it does to us internally, and how it affects intimacy with our partners. They explore the hidden weight of secrecy and self-deception, showing how carrying secrets impacts not only relationships but also personal health, emotional well-being, and even the body. The conversation highlights: The psychology of secrecy — why people hide, lie, or deceive in the name of "protection." The toll on the body and mind — from anxiety and ulcers to exhaustion and emotional distance. The role of shame and fear — how vulnerability and the fear of rejection fuel secrecy. The ripple effects on intimacy — why hiding erodes trust and connection over time. Steps toward healing — the importance of accountability, support networks, and learning to share in safe, structured ways. Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn also discuss research insights (Pennebaker, Levine, Carnes, Lemke, Brown) and real-world examples, weaving in practical tools for couples and individuals navigating the painful terrain of secrecy and betrayal. Listeners will leave with a deeper understanding of why secrecy is so destructive—and hopeful strategies for stepping into authenticity, vulnerability, and healthier intimacy. 📚 Resources & References Dr. James Pennebaker – Research on expressive writing and the health costs of secrecy (Opening Up by Writing It Down). Dr. Peter Levine – In an Unspoken Voice (on the physiology of unprocessed emotions). Dr. Patrick Carnes – Foundational work on addiction and recovery; the impact of secrets and lack of structure in relapse. Dr. Anna Lembke – Dopamine Nation (on honesty, vulnerability, and the risks of overexposure). Dr. Brené Brown – Daring Greatly (on vulnerability, shame resilience, and “spotlighting”). Thich Nhat Hanh – Teachings on deep listening and authentic presence in relationships.