The Human Intimacy Podcast

Empathy Overload: Why Feeling Too Much Can Hurt Your Relationship (And How Compassion Heals It) 📝 Episode Summary In this powerful episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn explore a surprising truth: empathy—while essential—can sometimes be the very thing that keeps couples stuck. Drawing on research from Stephen Porges and insights from polyvagal theory, Dr. Skinner explains how empathy activates the autonomic nervous system—often triggering fight, flight, or freeze responses. When empathy becomes overwhelming, it can lead to shutdown, defensiveness, or emotional withdrawal—what we call empathy overload. Many partners interpret this reaction as, “You don’t care.” But what if the real issue isn’t a lack of empathy… but an overwhelmed nervous system? In this episode, you’ll learn: The critical difference between empathy and compassion Why empathy can activate fight-or-flight responses How unresolved personal experiences intensify emotional overload Why some partners look away or shut down during intense conversations How compassion allows you to stay present without losing yourself A live role-play demonstrating healthy regulation in conflict Practical ways to build emotional capacity and expand your “window of tolerance” (inspired by Daniel Siegel) How this framework applies specifically to betrayal recovery Dr. Skinner also previews a groundbreaking autonomic-based assessment he will introduce at the upcoming Human Intimacy Conference, designed to help couples identify their fight, flight, and freeze patterns during emotionally charged moments. If you’ve ever said—or heard—“My partner has no empathy,” this episode may completely shift your perspective. 🔑 Key Takeaways Empathy is instinctive and automatic—but it can overwhelm the nervous system. Compassion requires regulation—it allows you to be with someone without being consumed. Emotional regulation is a learned skill. Many relational conflicts stem from misinterpreting autonomic responses. Healing requires both partners to strengthen emotional capacity—not just emotional intensity. 📚 Resources Mentioned Research & Frameworks Stephen Porges – Polyvagal Theory Daniel Siegel – Window of Tolerance Brené Brown – Empathy vs. Sympathy animation Literary Reference To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view… until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.” Human Intimacy Resources 🎥 Watch on YouTube: youtube.com/@human-intimacy 🌐 HumanIntimacy.com 🧠 Intimacy Repair Method (IRM) Assessment – Coming Soon 🎤 Human Intimacy Conference 💬 Reflection Questions for Listeners When my partner is emotional, what happens in my body? Do I tend to fight, flee, or freeze during intense conversations? Am I confusing empathy overload with lack of caring? What would compassion look like in my relationship this week? If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who may be struggling in their relationship—and join us next week as we continue exploring the science and skills behind deeper human connection. — Human Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Kevin Skinner & MaryAnn

When Couples Feel Stuck: Breaking the Patterns That Keep You From Healing What do you do when you’ve tried everything—therapy, groups, individual work—and you still feel stuck? In this powerful conversation, Dr. Kevin Skinner and Maryanne Michaelis, LCSW, explore why couples get trapped in the same relational patterns and, more importantly, how those patterns can change. This episode speaks directly to couples who feel hopeless, exhausted, or unsure whether real progress is possible. You’ll learn why feeling stuck is often a signal—not of failure—but of unexamined patterns, unspoken fears, missing structure, or hidden truths. 🔑 In This Episode, We Discuss: Why couples repeat the same conflict “dance” The difference between individual progress and coupleship healing How secrets vs. structure (Patrick Carnes) keep relationships stuck Readiness for vulnerability and why partners move at different paces Letting go of expectations that damage repair The role of emotional regulation in rebuilding connection Why validation—not fixing—is the pathway forward How authentic conversations create real movement in recovery ❤️ For Betrayed Partners: We validate the fear, grief, anger, and confusion that can make trust feel impossible—and why not being “ready” is an honest and healthy place to start. 🔥 For the Partner in Recovery: You’ll learn how pressure, defensiveness, and relapse cycles block progress—and how structure, consistency, and compassion create safety. 🎟️ Join Us at the 2026 Human Intimacy Conference March 13–14, 2026 (Live + Recordings Included) Featuring: Michelle Mays • Dr. Dave Robinson • Dr. Alex Theobald • Dr. Hal Stewart • Dr. Karen Strange • Dan Oaks • Maryanne Michaelis • Dr. Kevin Skinner & more 👉 Get 30% off through the end of February Use code: 30OFF Register: https://bit.ly/HumanIntimacy ❓ FREE Live Q&A – February 26 With Dr. Kevin Skinner, Maryanne Michaelis, Michelle Mays & Darrell Brazell Bring your questions about healing, recovery, and relationship repair. 🔗 Link for Q&A with Dr. Kevin Skinner ▶️ Explore Our Resources 🔹 New YouTube Channel: youtube.com/@human-intimacy 🔹 Our Three Podcasts: Human Intimacy Podcast – Couples & relational healing RISE: Hope & Healing After Sexual Betrayal – For betrayed partners Reclaim – Recovery from unwanted sexual behaviors 💬 We Want to Hear From You Have a topic or question you’d like us to address? 📩 info@humanintimacy.com Our Mission To provide research-based, trauma-informed resources that help individuals and couples heal, rebuild trust, and create deeper connection. If this episode helped you, please: 👍 Like 🔔 Subscribe 📤 Share with someone who needs hope in their relationship

  Understanding Sexual Intimacy: Self-Awareness, Healing, and Connection in the Intimacy Triangle (Part 2) Episode Summary In this concluding conversation on the Intimacy Triangle, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore the most complex and often misunderstood dimension of intimacy—sexual intimacy. Together, they examine how personal history, trauma, shame, cultural messaging, betrayal, and biology shape the way individuals and couples experience sexuality. The discussion begins with a powerful question: “Who am I as a sexual being?” From there, they unpack the importance of self-awareness, emotional safety, and honest communication as the foundation for a healthy sexual relationship. Listeners will learn: Why many people feel confused, anxious, or avoidant around sexuality How early experiences, body shame, pornography, and betrayal trauma impact sexual connection The biological differences in male and female arousal and desire cycles How resentment, unresolved relational ruptures, and fear block intimacy Why obligation and pressure damage sexual bonding How vulnerability and attachment create deeper connection than performance The role of boundaries (“bridling passion”) in creating safe and meaningful sexual expression Dr. Skinner also outlines practical steps toward healthy sexual intimacy, including developing self-awareness, turning toward your partner with honesty, addressing past ruptures, and learning to negotiate desire in a non-threatening way. This episode reframes sexuality not as a source of shame or conflict, but as a bonding experience that can be joyful, healing, and deeply connecting when approached with compassion, safety, and understanding. The episode also includes: An invitation to participate in a grief and betrayal survey for the upcoming Human Intimacy Conference Details about the Seven Pillars of the Intimacy Repair Method training Access to the Human Intimacy YouTube channel Key Themes & Concepts Sexual self-awareness Celebration vs. shame of sexuality Attachment and “turning toward” your partner Bridling passion through boundaries Threat vs. desire systems in the brain Porn-induced sexual dysfunction and body shame Obligation vs. authentic sexual connection Repairing sexual ruptures through timeline work Presence and attunement after betrayal Negotiating desire differences with respect Resources & References Mentioned Human Intimacy & Conference 2nd Annual Human Intimacy Conference (March 13–14) Tracks: Betrayal Trauma Unwanted Sexual Behaviors Couple Healing Dr. Skinner’s training: The Seven Pillars of the Intimacy Repair Method MaryAnn Michaelis’ presentation: Grief After Betrayal Pre-conference Grief & Betrayal Survey (listener participation) Human Intimacy Platforms Human Intimacy YouTube Channel → youtube.com/@humanintimacy Contact: info@humanintimacy.com Models & Frameworks The Intimacy Triangle The Intimacy Repair Method Sexual history timeline in couple healing Zeigarnik Effect (unresolved relational ruptures) Research & Clinical Voices Dr. John Gottman – The Science of Trust (physiological and relational cycles) Dr. Pat Love – Hot Monogamy (desire differences and adaptation) Dr. Sue Johnson – Attachment & “turning toward” Clinical & Psychoeducational Concepts Attachment bonding and vulnerability Threat vs. arousal systems in female sexuality Testosterone and male sexual rhythms Porn-induced erectile dysfunction Body shame and betrayal trauma Obligation vs. authentic consent and presence Action Steps for Listeners (derived from the episode) Develop sexual self-awareness Practice honesty with yourself first Learn to communicate desire without pressure or shame Address past relational ruptures that still carry emotional scar tissue Turn toward your partner in vulnerability and curiosity Create boundaries that make sexuality safe and meaningful Closing Takeaway Healthy sexual intimacy is not about performance, frequency, or obligation—it is about safety, presence, attachment, and mutual understanding. When couples learn to replace fear and shame with compassion and honesty, sexuality becomes a powerful pathway to healing and connection.

Summary In this milestone episode celebrating two years of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore one of the most meaningful — and often misunderstood — dimensions of connection: physical and sexual intimacy. Many relationships struggle in this area, especially when trust has been disrupted or when couples have never learned how to build intimacy from a strong psychological and emotional foundation. Rather than viewing sexuality as the starting point of connection, Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn explain why healthy relationships are built from the ground up — with safety, communication, emotional closeness, and trust forming the base. Listeners will learn why touch is a core human need across the lifespan, how the body responds to healthy connection, and why confusion often arises when partners attach different meanings to physical contact. The conversation also addresses the impact of betrayal, trauma, body image concerns, sensory sensitivity, and internalized shame — all of which can influence how safe or unsafe touch feels. Dr. Skinner introduces the concept of discovering your resistance, inviting listeners to notice what happens internally when they experience or anticipate physical touch. Is there comfort? Anxiety? Fear? Longing? Awareness is the first step toward rebuilding intimacy. The episode also emphasizes the importance of consent, compassionate communication, and pacing. For many couples, healing may begin by temporarily removing sexual expectations and returning to simple, non-sexual forms of connection such as holding hands, hugging, or sitting close together. When emotional, psychological, and relational intimacy are strengthened, sexual intimacy becomes less confusing and more connecting — allowing couples to experience the bonding power of vulnerability, presence, and trust. Whether you are rebuilding after betrayal or simply seeking a deeper connection, this episode offers a thoughtful roadmap toward creating safety in touch and rediscovering the beauty of being fully seen, accepted, and loved. Resources Human Intimacy Conference (March 13–14, 2026) Join Dr. Kevin Skinner, MaryAnn Michaelis, and leading experts for two days of live teaching focused on healing from betrayal and strengthening relationships. Register at: bit.ly/humanintimacy Use coupon code 30OFF for a discount. Human Intimacy YouTube Channel Watch full podcast episodes and access additional relationship resources: youtube.com/@human-intimacy Related Episodes Episode 22: Exploring Sexuality — Navigating the Line Between Healthy and Unhealthy Behaviors Episode 65: Consent, Communication, and the Core of Intimacy Books & Educational Resources Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal — Dr. Kevin Skinner The Intimacy Pyramid & Seven Types of Intimacy teachings HumanIntimacy.com for courses, assessments, and relationship tools

Spiritual Intimacy: Being Seen, Sharing Meaning, and Deepening Connection In this episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore the often-misunderstood concept of spiritual intimacy. Moving beyond narrow definitions of religion, they discuss spirituality as a deeply human experience—how we make meaning, experience stillness, share vulnerability, and feel connected to something greater than ourselves. Through personal stories, cross-cultural insights, and reflections on nature, trauma, loss, healing, and disclosure, this conversation highlights how spiritual intimacy can exist in marriages, families, friendships, and even therapeutic spaces. The episode also addresses spiritual wounding, attachment injuries related to faith, and how creating safety allows partners to share their deepest beliefs, doubts, and experiences. Ultimately, this discussion invites listeners to slow down, reflect on their own spiritual story, and consider how allowing themselves to be fully seen—without judgment—can lead to profound bonding and connection. 📚 Resources Mentioned Unbroken – Laura Hillenbrand The Betrayal Bond – Patrick Carnes The Art of Confession – Exploring confession and disclosure across spiritual traditions Mindful eye-contact meditation for couples (used in intensives) Impact Letters, Disclosure, and Emotional Restitution as sacred relational moments Reflective exercise: Writing your personal spiritual narrative 📅 Upcoming Event: Human Intimacy Conference Join Dr. Kevin Skinner and leading experts for the Second Annual Human Intimacy Conference, focused on healing from sexual betrayal, trauma recovery, and rebuilding connection in relationships. 🗓 Dates: March 13–14 🌐 Register here: 👉 https://bit.ly/humanintimacy 💸 Coupon Code: 30off Use this code at checkout to receive 30% off your registration.  

Creative & Intellectual Intimacy: Growing, Playing, and Building Meaning Together Episode Summary In this episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore creative and intellectual intimacy—two often overlooked but deeply powerful ways couples build connection, trust, and shared meaning. Rather than viewing intimacy as a checklist or a linear process, they describe it as a living, dynamic experience—one that ebbs and flows through shared ideas, curiosity, problem-solving, creativity, play, and growth. Through personal stories—reading books aloud early in marriage, building businesses, learning to dance, creating art, and dreaming about the future—they illustrate how couples grow closer when they think, create, and imagine together. The conversation also highlights how intellectual intimacy becomes a meaningful trust-builder, especially after betrayal, when partners begin sharing what they are learning, how they are changing, and what is happening in their inner world. When paired with creativity—planning, building, playing, or envisioning something together—these forms of intimacy foster bonding, growth, and renewed joy in the relationship. Listeners are invited to reflect on a simple but transformative question: Are we growing together—or have we stopped creating and learning side by side? For those who want to deepen these conversations and continue growing together, Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn invite listeners to the Second Annual Human Intimacy Conference (March 13–14). The conference brings together leading voices in healing, intimacy repair, grief, sexual reintegration, and relationship growth—and offers couples a powerful opportunity to learn together, reflect together, and strengthen both intellectual and creative intimacy. 🎟 Register here and receive 40% off for a limited time: 👉 Coupon Code: 40off https://humanintimacy.zohobackstage.com/HumanIntimacy2ndAnnualConference#/    

Verbal & Emotional Intimacy: Using Your Voice to Create Deeper Connection Episode Summary In this episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and Maryanne Michaelis continue their exploration of intimacy by focusing on verbal and emotional intimacy. They discuss how curiosity, vulnerability, and emotional expression create deeper connection—while assumptions, fear, and unspoken emotions quietly erode it. Through personal stories, clinical insight, and practical examples, they show how verbal intimacy often opens the door to emotional intimacy—and how safe, intentional communication strengthens relationships with partners, children, and community. The episode also addresses why intimacy can feel unsafe after trauma or betrayal and how to begin rebuilding connection in healthy, realistic ways. Key Topics Covered The connection between verbal intimacy and emotional intimacy Why curiosity (“Tell me more”) deepens connection How assumptions block intimacy—even in long-term relationships Using “I feel” statements instead of blame or shame Emotional safety, boundaries, and timing in disclosure The role of community in helping people find words after trauma Applying intimacy skills in parenting and everyday relationships Understanding inner circles of trust and emotional access Notable Concepts Referenced Psychological safety as the foundation for intimacy Mirror neurons and emotional attunement Self-disclosure vs. emotional flooding Differentiation in relationships Trauma-informed communication The healing power of shared experience and community 🌟 Upcoming Event: Second Annual Human Intimacy Conference The themes discussed in this episode—connection, vulnerability, emotional safety, and repair—will be explored in depth at the upcoming Human Intimacy Conference. 📅 March 13–14 📍 Online | Mountain Time This two-day conference is designed for individuals and couples seeking healing and deeper connection after betrayal. It includes: Separate individual and couples tracks Live and recorded expert presentations Trauma-informed yoga sessions On-demand access to all recordings Bonus access to last year’s full conference recordings 🎟️ Special Discount: Use coupon code 40OFF to receive 40% off registration (Valid through the end of January) 🔗 Register here: https://humanintimacy.zohobackstage.com/HumanIntimacy2ndAnnualConference#/ Listener Reflection Questions Who in my life feels safe enough for deeper verbal and emotional intimacy? Where do I assume instead of asking curious, open questions? What emotions have I been holding inside that may need safe expression? Closing Thought Verbal and emotional intimacy grow when we show up, stay curious, and speak honestly—without blame or assumption. Intimacy isn’t about perfect words; it’s about presence, safety, and the courage to be seen.  

Psychological Intimacy: The Foundation of Trust, Safety, and Healing After Betrayal In this episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis take a deeper dive into the seven types of intimacy, focusing specifically on psychological intimacy as the foundation of all connection. They explore how honesty, trust, loyalty, and commitment are disrupted by betrayal—and why secrecy and deception, more than behaviors alone, create trauma. The discussion highlights how vulnerability, accountability, and repair rebuild safety over time, especially in relationships impacted by betrayal trauma. This episode offers clarity, compassion, and practical insight for couples navigating healing and reconnection. Resources Relationship Intimacy Test & Intimacy Pyramid Free assessment and companion materials HumanIntimacy.com → Free Courses → Companionship Course Reclaim: Healing from Pornography and Rebuilding Your Life Podcast and course for individuals seeking recovery from unwanted sexual behaviors Available at HumanIntimacy.com Rise: Hope & Healing After Sexual Betrayal Podcast and course created specifically for betrayed partners Available at HumanIntimacy.com Human Intimacy Conference – March 13–14, 2026 Online conference featuring leading experts on individual healing, recovery, and relationship repair Registration link: 2nd Annual Human Intimacy Conference 2026 Use 40off to get 40% off your registration  

The 7 Types of Intimacy: Reclaiming Connection in a Disconnected World Episode Summary In this milestone 100th episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis reflect on two years of conversations—and over 50,000 downloads—by returning to the very heart of their work: human intimacy. This episode introduces Dr. Skinner’s Intimacy Triangle (or Pyramid), a framework he developed more than 20 years ago to help individuals and couples understand that intimacy is far more than sex. Instead, deep, lasting connection is built from the ground up through seven distinct but interconnected forms of intimacy: Psychological Intimacy – the foundation of safety built on trust, honesty, loyalty, and commitment Verbal Intimacy – sharing information and everyday experiences Emotional Intimacy – expressing feelings, fears, hopes, and vulnerabilities Cognitive / Intellectual Intimacy – engaging ideas, beliefs, and curiosity together Creative Intimacy – bonding through shared projects and co-creation Spiritual Intimacy – connection that transcends words, often felt in shared meaning, values, or sacred moments Physical / Sexual Intimacy – the natural expression that emerges when the other layers are present Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn explore how modern culture often reverses this order—placing sexual intimacy at the foundation—and how this inversion contributes to loneliness, disconnection, and relational distress. When intimacy is rebuilt from the bottom up, relationships become safer, deeper, and more resilient. This episode also sets the stage for upcoming conversations that will break down each layer of intimacy in depth, offering listeners practical tools for healing, repair, and growth. Key Takeaways Intimacy is multidimensional, not synonymous with sex Psychological safety is the cornerstone of all healthy connection Skipping layers of intimacy leads to counterfeit connection and deeper loneliness When intimacy is repaired holistically, emotional and physical closeness naturally follow Strong relationships are foundational to mental health, resilience, and well-being Resources Mentioned Free Human Intimacy Podcast Companion Course Includes: The Intimacy Triangle / Pyramid A self-scoring intimacy reflection tool The Relationship Intimacy Test 👉 Available at HumanIntimacy.com Book: Rebuild Your Relationship After Sexual Betrayal by Dr. Kevin Skinner (Includes access to the Relationship Intimacy Test) Upcoming Event Dr. Skinner will be offering an in-depth two-hour training for couples on the Intimacy Repair Method at the upcoming conference: 🌿 2nd Annual Human Intimacy Conference Dates: March 2025 What to Expect: Expert presentations Live Q&A Practical tools for rebuilding intimacy after betrayal Deep dives into connection, safety, and repair 🔗 Register here: https://humanintimacy.zohobackstage.com/HumanIntimacy2ndAnnualConference#/ If you’re beginning a new year with a desire for deeper connection, healing, and meaningful relationships, this episode offers both a powerful framework and a hopeful path forward.

Nine Simple Practices That Strengthen Relationships Summary In Episode #99 of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis celebrate their 99th episode by sharing nine powerful practices couples can use to strengthen connection, deepen trust, and build meaningful intimacy. Each principle is grounded in years of clinical experience, neuroscience, and relationship research—while remaining practical and accessible for real-life relationships. Together they explore why emotional safety is the foundation of all connection, the importance of ownership over blame, and how consistent attunement builds emotional closeness. They emphasize spending intentional time together, rebuilding trust through small daily actions, learning to emotionally regulate before communicating, and facing—not avoiding—conflict. They also highlight how positive relational interactions nurture bonding and why dreaming and planning for the future together creates shared hope and purpose. Listeners are encouraged to start small, picking one area to work on, knowing that meaningful relationships are built one intentional step at a time. Key References & Influences These concepts draw from established research and recognized thought leaders in relationships, trauma, emotional regulation, and neurobiology: Polyvagal Theory & Safety Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. Emotional Attunement & Attachment Siegel, D. J. (2010). The Mindful Therapist: A Clinician’s Guide to Mindsight and Neural Integration. Trust and Relationship Repair Gottman, J. & Silver, N. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Gottman, J. (2011). What Makes Love Last? Ownership vs. Blame / Emotional Responsibility Brown, B. (2015). Rising Strong. Conflict Resolution & The Zeigarnik Effect Zeigarnik, B. (1927). On Finished and Unfinished Tasks. Psychologische Forschung. Hope & Future Orientation Seligman, M. (2018). The Hope Circuit: A Psychologist’s Journey from Helplessness to Optimism. Trauma, Safety & Human Connection van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score. Conference Invitation If you’re ready to go deeper in strengthening your relationship, we invite you to join us at the Human Intimacy 2nd Annual Conference. Use coupon code 50off to receive 50% off registration (limited time): https://humanintimacy.zohobackstage.com/HumanIntimacy2ndAnnualConference#/   Online Supplemental Course: (It’s Free) The Human Intimacy Companion Course  

The Gift of Your Presence: Why Showing Up Matters More Than You Think In this heartfelt Human Intimacy Podcast episode, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore the powerful impact of truly being present in the lives of the people we love. During a season filled with busyness, distraction, and endless to-do lists, they invite listeners to slow down and consider the deeper message presence communicates: You matter. I see you. I care. Through meaningful personal stories—celebrations, graduations, family milestones, healing conversations, and everyday moments—Kevin and MaryAnn reflect on how presence fosters connection, emotional safety, belonging, and joy. They also discuss how curiosity, vulnerability, emotional attunement, and reducing distraction can transform relationships, reduce loneliness, and nurture human intimacy. Listeners are encouraged to offer the gift of presence intentionally this season: celebrate others’ wins, sit with them in pain, express appreciation, forgive where needed, and take time to let people feel seen and “felt.” Because when we show up, we don’t just fill space—we change hearts, regulate nervous systems, strengthen bonds, and remind each other we are not alone. Resources & Links Human Intimacy Conference — March 13–14, 2026 Join leading experts including Dr. Jill Manning, Dr. Karen Strange, and others for two powerful days of learning, healing, and connection. Includes pre-conference Q&A with experts and full session recordings. 👉 Register here: https://humanintimacy.zohobackstage.com/HumanIntimacy2ndAnnualConference#/ Use Coupon Code: 50off for 50% off (valid through December 31) Human Intimacy Courses & Online Programs Explore courses to support healing from betrayal, emotional regulation, rebuilding intimacy, and relationship connection. 👉 https://www.humanintimacy.com Referenced Concepts / Recommended Reading Dan Siegel — Feeling Felt & Interpersonal Neurobiology Irving Yalom — Presence and relational connection Research on loneliness as a public health concern and the power of human connection

The Stories We Tell Ourselves: How Meaning, Shame, and Assumptions Shape Our Relationships Summary In this episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and licensed clinical social worker Marianne Michaelis explore the powerful—and often invisible—stories we tell ourselves about who we are and how others see us. Even when people share the same experience, their interpretations can be radically different, shaped by past wounds, shame, fear, and unmet needs. Through clinical examples, personal stories, and everyday moments of misunderstanding, they unpack how the brain naturally fills in gaps to create meaning—and how those meanings can quietly dictate our emotions, reactions, and relationships. The conversation highlights common shame-based narratives such as “I’m too much,” “I’m not enough,”or “I don’t matter,” and how these stories become internalized as truth over time. Dr. Skinner and Marianne emphasize the importance of awareness, fact-checking, emotional ownership, and curiosity—both toward ourselves and others. Healing begins when we slow down, speak our stories in safe places, challenge old assumptions, and allow compassion to replace judgment. The episode closes with an invitation to approach others—and ourselves—with deeper curiosity, asking not “What’s wrong?” but “What’s the story?” Resources & References Skinner, K. – Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal Tutu, D. & Tutu, M. – The Book of Forgiveness Brown, B. – I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t) Siegel, D. – Mindsight Human Intimacy Podcast – Episode on Emotional Ownership Journaling as a tool for emotional processing and self-reflection Concepts referenced: Shame narratives Emotional ownership Fact-checking internal stories Fight-or-flight responses and meaning-making Compassion vs. judgment The Human Intimacy 2nd Annual Conference (discount 50% off Coupon Code = 50off  

  Emotional Ownership: Understanding and Responding to Your Inner World Summary In this timely episode, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore one of the most essential—and most avoided—skills in relationships: emotional ownership. As the holiday season intensifies stress, loneliness, old family wounds, and relational tension, the ability to understand and take responsibility for our internal world becomes even more vital. Together, they break down what emotional ownership looks like and what it does not look like. Using real-life examples, including a vulnerable story from Dr. Skinner, the conversation highlights how quickly couples slip into blame, shame spirals, and reactive “hot” responses. MaryAnn emphasizes the role of tone, kindness, and Gottman’s concept of positive sentiment override, while Dr. Skinner demonstrates how owning one’s emotional experience opens the door to connection rather than conflict. Listeners will learn: Why people often don’t know what they feel—and why that’s okay How holiday dynamics intensify emotional triggers The difference between owning an emotion and shifting responsibility How tone and delivery change everything in difficult conversations How shame, avoidance, and catastrophizing block intimacy Why slowing down your internal experience leads to deeper connection How emotional ownership becomes the foundation of relational safety, trust, and maturity The episode ends with practical guidance on taking responsibility for your own emotions, choosing kindness, and knowing when deeper therapeutic work is needed. Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn invite listeners to reflect honestly on their emotional patterns and make conscious choices that lead to healthier, more intimate relationships. Resources Mentioned Books & Authors Desmond Tutu & Mpho Tutu — The Book of Forgiving Explores the fourfold path to forgiveness, including moving through anger, grief, and acceptance. John Gottman — Research on Bids for Connection & Positive Sentiment Override Essential relationship frameworks explaining how couples build or deplete emotional trust. Dr. Kevin Skinner — Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal A clinical guide to understanding trauma responses, emotional dysregulation, and healing after betrayal. Concepts & Clinical Frameworks Emotional Ownership vs. Emotional Shifting Taking responsibility for internal experience rather than blaming or projecting. Tone & Delivery in Conflict How softening your approach changes relational outcomes. Fight–Flight–Freeze–Fawn Responses Understanding physiological reactions to emotional threat. Shame Spirals Patterns where individuals turn against themselves in moments of relational stress. Betrayal Trauma Responses & Trigger Cycles Why certain relational moments evoke intense reactions. Therapeutic Support Individual Therapy When emotions feel overwhelming, confusing, or out of control. Couples Therapy For recurring patterns of blame, avoidance, or emotional disconnection. Links Human Intimacy Conference – 50% Off Through December 2025 (Coupon Code: 50off) 2nd Annual Human Intimacy Conference 2026 (Coupon code available on website; offer valid through Dec 31, 2025) Human Intimacy Podcast Homepage https://www.humanintimacy.com/podcast Human Intimacy Main Site https://www.humanintimacy.com  

The Somatic Experience: How the Body Stores Trauma and the Path to Physiological Healing In this powerful episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, explore the essential connection between trauma, physiology, and healing through a somatic lens. Drawing on the work of Peter Levine, Bessel van der Kolk, Deb Dana, and polyvagal theory, they highlight how trauma is not only a psychological experience but a physical one stored in the muscles, nervous system, and internal energy of the body. Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn discuss why individuals—especially betrayed partners—often disconnect from their bodies after chronic stress, betrayal trauma, or overwhelming life experiences. They examine how fight, flight, and freeze responses affect the nervous system, how chronic cortisol disrupts mood and metabolism, and why many trauma survivors struggle to sense or interpret their own physiological cues. Through stories, research, and lived experiences, the hosts illustrate how the body keeps the score and how healing requires learning to listen to internal sensations rather than pushing them aside. They offer practical tools such as somatic tracking, Peter Levine’s completion techniques, trauma-informed yoga, breathing exercises that access the vagus nerve, and movement-based approaches for releasing stored energy. The episode includes a guided somatic check-in where listeners rate their tension level and are invited into a simple three-minute breathing practice designed to lower physiological arousal. Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn also normalize the experience of increased anxiety during quiet moments and suggest alternative vagus nerve–based exercises and sound-based practices (like the “vu” exhale) to support regulation. They close by emphasizing self-compassion, intentionality, and noticing “glimmers” of safety as signs that the body is returning to calm. Listeners are also invited to deepen their healing journey by attending the 2nd Annual Human Intimacy Conference, where leading experts will share tools for recovering from sexual betrayal, infidelity, and building deeper, safer relationships. References & Resources (Updated) Key Authors & Theories Peter A. Levine, PhD Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma — foundational work on Somatic Experiencing and how trauma is stored and released through the body. Bessel van der Kolk, MD The Body Keeps the Score — seminal text on how trauma affects the nervous system, brain, and body. Stephen W. Porges, PhD Polyvagal Theory — explains the body's hierarchy of safety, fight/flight, and shutdown responses. Deb Dana, LCSW The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy — introduces “glimmers” and practical tools for nervous-system regulation. Practices Mentioned Trauma-Informed Yoga Somatic Experiencing (SE) Vagus Nerve Stimulation / “Basic Exercise” (Polyvagal-based) Breathwork for parasympathetic activation Sound-based regulation (e.g., “vu” exhale with hand on abdomen) Movement-based release (running in place, shaking, kicking safely, dancing) Grounding and body-scan exercises Human Intimacy Resources HumanIntimacy.com – Articles, courses, and assessments on betrayal trauma, recovery, and deeper connection. 2nd Annual Human Intimacy Conference – Coupon Code: 50%off —A live event featuring leading experts (including Dr. Kevin Skinner and colleagues) focused on healing from sexual betrayal and infidelity, rebuilding safety and trust, and creating deeper, more connected relationships. Human Intimacy Intensives – Including betrayal trauma intensives and couples intensives that incorporate trauma-informed yoga and somatic work.

The Transformative Power of Gratitude: How Noticing the “Why” Deepens Connection In this Thanksgiving-week episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore the healing power of gratitude—both in everyday life and in relationships. What begins as a simple conversation about what they’re grateful for quickly deepens into an exploration of why certain people, moments, and memories hold meaning. Drawing on the work of Dr. Martin Seligman, Dr. Skinner emphasizes that identifying the “why” behind our gratitude—not just naming the object of it—creates a more emotionally rich and neurologically uplifting experience. MaryAnn highlights the reality that family can be both a source of deep gratitude and profound pain. For those who lack supportive family relationships, they offer practical ways to find gratitude in mentors, ancestors, teachers, or meaningful communities—the “tribes” we discover along the way. Together, they reflect on how gratitude acts as a natural antidepressant, shifting our emotional state, reducing stress, increasing joy, and strengthening attachment bonds. Listeners are invited to slow down, reflect on the people who have shaped them, and express gratitude in intentional, meaningful ways—especially during the holiday season. Dr. Skinner closes with a heartfelt message of appreciation for listeners, along with a reminder that practicing gratitude is one of the most powerful tools for healing, connection, and resilience. Resources Mentioned & Related Readings Books & Research Referenced Martin Seligman – Flourish; research on gratitude, positive psychology, and well-being Brené Brown – The Gifts of Imperfection, Daring Greatly (concepts of shame, worthiness, and connection) Thich Nhat Hanh – Teachings on connection, compassion, and human interdependence John Gottman, PhD – Research on positive sentiment override and gratitude in relationships Robert Emmons, PhD – Leading researcher on gratitude as a psychological tool Stephen Porges, PhD – Polyvagal Theory (connection, co-regulation, and emotional safety) Therapeutic Concepts Referenced Gratitude journaling The “why” exercise from Martin Seligman Gratitude as a natural antidepressant Finding your tribe / community-based support Intergenerational resources (ancestral resilience) Practical Tools & Strategies Write down what you are grateful for and why it matters Gratitude lists (daily or weekly) Expressing gratitude directly to loved ones Identifying people from past or present who modeled love, stability, or compassion Using gratitude to shift emotional states and reduce anxiety or depression Human Intimacy Resources Human Intimacy Conference 2026 (Coupon Code: Black-Friday discount mentioned in episode) HumanIntimacy.com for courses, podcasts, and healing resources Upcoming episodes focused on healing, connection, and relationship resilience

Seeing Your Blind Spots: Why We Make the Choices We Do In this powerful and reflective episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore why people make choices that go against their values—especially in the aftermath of trauma, betrayal, and emotional flooding. Drawing from clinical experience, Internal Family Systems (IFS) language, trauma reenactment, arousal templates, and the science of human behavior, they unpack the subconscious forces that drive unwanted patterns. The discussion highlights how “firefighter” parts act impulsively to stop emotional pain, why unresolved trauma often leads to repeated relational patterns, and how blind spots develop from both early experiences and generational learning. Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn explore how shame, fear, secrecy, and lack of boundaries contribute to destructive behaviors—whether as the betrayed or the betrayer. The heart of this episode centers on building self-awareness, humility, and character development through honest reflection. Listeners are invited to pause, examine the choices they’re making, recognize patterns that no longer serve them, and take courageous steps toward change. Whether you’re working through betrayal trauma, navigating recovery, or wanting to become a better version of yourself, this conversation offers insight, compassion, and a path forward. Resources Mentioned & Recommended Human Intimacy Courses RISE: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal A comprehensive online course to help betrayed partners navigate trauma, rebuild emotional safety, and understand the healing journey. Reclaim: Healing from Pornography and Rebuilding Your Life A structured recovery program addressing unwanted pornography use, shame cycles, and rebuilding intimacy. Books & Frameworks Referenced Internal Family Systems (IFS) – Richard Schwartz Understanding “firefighter” parts and internal protective systems. Trauma Reenactment Concepts – Judith Herman, Bessel van der Kolk Insight into repeated relational and behavioral patterns tied to past trauma. Arousal Template Research – Dr. Kevin Skinner Clinical insights into how early sexual experiences shape adult behavior. Character Development Approach – Inspired by Benjamin Franklin’s virtues A model for intentional growth and self-refinement. Additional Human Intimacy Resources Human Intimacy Podcast Archive HumanIntimacy.com – Articles, assessments, and healing tools Second Annual Human Intimacy Conference – March 13–14, 2026 (registration link in show notes)

The Cost of Judgment: Seeing Ourselves and Others Through Compassion Summary: In this episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore the nature of judgment—how we judge ourselves, others, and the world around us. They unpack how the brain’s natural tendency to predict and protect can lead us to make judgments based on incomplete stories or past experiences. Through real-life examples, including therapy sessions and group work, they illustrate how judgment can distort perception, breed resentment, and disconnect us from others. Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn emphasize that judgment often arises when we lack understanding of a person’s story. By shifting from judgment to curiosity—asking “What happened to you?” instead of “What’s wrong with you?”—we open space for empathy and healing. They also explore how self-judgment impacts individuals, especially betrayed partners who internalize blame, and how learning to suspend judgment fosters emotional freedom and connection. The discussion integrates insights from Byron Katie’s “The Work” and Dr. Bruce Perry & Oprah Winfrey’s “What Happened to You?”, encouraging listeners to question their assumptions and replace self-condemnation with self-compassion. The episode closes with a reflective invitation: identify a situation or person you’ve judged, and ask, “What’s the story behind this thought, emotion, or behavior?” Resources Mentioned: The Work by Byron Katie — Four powerful questions to challenge judgments and distorted beliefs. What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing by Dr. Bruce D. Perry & Oprah Winfrey — Exploring how understanding personal stories transforms compassion and connection. The Betrayal Bond by Dr. Patrick Carnes — Understanding trauma bonds and how early experiences shape adult patterns and self-judgment. Compassionate Accountability: A Field Guide to Building Connection and Trust by Dr. Nate Regier — For learning how to balance accountability with empathy. HumanIntimacy.com — Explore upcoming courses and events, including Rise: Hope and Healing from Sexual Betrayal, Reclaim: Healing from Pornography and Rebuilding Your Life, and the Human Intimacy Conference (March 13–14, 2026).

  Resilient Couples: How to Stay Strong Through Life’s Hardest Challenges Summary: In this inspiring episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, explore what it means to build resiliency as individuals and as couples—especially in the face of life’s most difficult challenges. Drawing from personal experiences, research, and decades of clinical work, they discuss the essential components of resilience: adaptability, emotional regulation, flexibility, and hope. The conversation delves into why emotional self-awareness is the foundation of resilient relationships, how couples can “fight well,” and what it means to create safety before deeper connection can occur. They reference experts such as Dr. Al Siebert, Dr. Dan Siegel, Dr. Stephen Porges, and Dr. Martin Seligman, offering insights into the neurobiology of resilience and the relational skills that sustain connection through adversity. Listeners will walk away with practical strategies to strengthen their emotional core, improve communication, and cultivate hope—even in seasons of deep pain or uncertainty. Key Takeaways: Resiliency begins with emotional regulation and self-awareness. Adaptability and flexibility are learned skills that sustain connection. Safety is the foundation for relational repair after trauma. Emotional intelligence helps us stay curious and connected rather than reactive. Hope is a neurological process—and a critical part of healing together. Resources Mentioned: The Survivor Personality – Dr. Al Siebert The Body Keeps the Score – Dr. Bessel van der Kolk Polyvagal Theory – Dr. Stephen Porges The Whole-Brain Child & Mindsight – Dr. Dan Siegel Emotional Intelligence – Dr. Daniel Goleman The Hope Circuit – Dr. Martin Seligman Treating Sexual Addiction: A Compassionate Approach – Dr. Kevin Skinner HumanIntimacy.com – Courses: Companionship Course, Rise: Hope and Healing from Sexual Betrayal, and Reclaim: Healing from Pornography  

Permission to Feel: Creating Safety for Emotional Intimacy Episode Summary In this powerful episode, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore one of the most important — and misunderstood — aspects of healing after betrayal: emotional experience and expression. Many of us have been conditioned to suppress emotions, especially those that feel scary, overwhelming, or “unacceptable” — such as anger, fear, grief, or shame. Often, our logic steps in and says, “You shouldn’t feel that,”creating an internal shut-down that prevents emotional processing and healing. Drawing on neuroscience, attachment theory, and therapeutic insights, Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn discuss: Why we feel before we think — and what that means for trauma responses The cultural discomfort with strong emotions and how this affects relationships How betrayal trauma conditions many partners to distrust their internal emotional cues The science of tears — and how crying releases different emotional chemicals Jill Bolte Taylor’s “Brain Huddle” — an integrated approach to emotional awareness How emotional safety enables true relational intimacy Why our job is not to fix emotions, but to be with the person experiencing them What prevents couples from sharing emotions — and how to rebuild that trust Listeners are invited to approach their inner world with curiosity instead of judgment, give themselves permission to feel, and begin courageous conversations about how emotions are shared within their relationship. 📝 Listener Assignment Ask your partner (or journal independently if the conversation does not feel safe yet): “When I share emotion with you, what is it like for you?” “When you share emotion with me, here’s what it’s like for me…” The goal isn't to fix — but to begin understanding, witnessing, and honoring each other’s emotional worlds. 📚 References & Resources Books & Theoretical Models Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence. Bantam Books. Johnson, S. (2019). Attachment Theory in Practice: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Individuals, Couples, and Families. Guilford Press. Taylor, J. B. (2021). Whole Brain Living: The Anatomy of Choice and the Four Characters That Drive Our Life.Hay House. LeDoux, J. (1996). The Emotional Brain: The Mysterious Underpinnings of Emotional Life. Simon & Schuster. van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score. Penguin Books. Neuroscience Articles LeDoux, J. (2000). Emotion circuits in the brain. Annual Review of Neuroscience, 23, 155–184. Trimble, M. R., & Pryce, C. R. (2022). Biology of tears and emotional expression. CNS Neuroscience & Therapeutics, 28(12), 1779–1789. Related Human Intimacy Resources Rise: Hope & Healing from Sexual Betrayal Podcast Reclaim Podcast The free Human Intimacy Companionship Course (includes worksheets for episodes 80–90)

When You Want Change & Your Partner Isn’t Ready Summary What happens when one partner is ready to change—but the other isn’t? In this episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore how couples navigate this difficult space. Drawing from the Stages of Change model, they explain how relationships often resist change to maintain balance (homeostasis), and why transformation inevitably brings discomfort. Through live role-play, Kevin and MaryAnn demonstrate both ineffective and healthy ways to approach hard conversations—showing how to express needs, respond to defensiveness, and create safety for vulnerability. They unpack the Drama Triangle, attachment patterns, and the power of differentiation—knowing your truth while staying connected. Listeners will learn how to prepare for meaningful dialogue, set boundaries with compassion, and build trust through accountability and follow-through. Resources Free Companion Worksheet: Available in the Human Intimacy Podcast Course at HumanIntimacy.com → Courses → Free Courses → Human Intimacy Podcast Companion. Frameworks Discussed: Stages of Change — Prochaska & DiClemente Drama Triangle — Stephen Karpman Attachment “Dance” — Dr. Sue Johnson Four Horsemen — Drs. John & Julie Gottman Differentiation — Dr. Murray Bowen Recommended Reading: Hold Me Tight — Sue Johnson The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work — John Gottman The Dance of Anger — Harriet Lerner The State of Affairs — Esther Perel