Claim OwnershipA Slut’s Guide To Happiness
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© Copyright 2025 Vanessa Cliff
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Life presents enough challenges, from inevitable death and illness to man-made strife like poverty, inequality, and war. In the face of human suffering, sexuality is an incredible outlet for joy, healing, pleasure and connection.
Yet, social norms make accessing this simple joy harder than it needs to be. In this podcast, we unpack junk narratives about which bodies, identities, relationship styles, or sexual activities are considered acceptable and reclaim the power of sexual freedom.
Recent decades have brought meaningful progress in some areas of gender and sexuality, like greater acceptance of LGBTQ people in the institution of marriage and the workplace, and access to contraception that allows women more sexual freedom. Nonetheless, dominant cultural norms still perpetuate narrow ideas about who is desirable or worthy of love and what sexual practices are appropriate. Often, these subtle, pernicious ideas operate quietly beneath the surface and show up in our hearts as shame, isolation or fear.
How do we break free? How do we learn to be and love our whole authentic selves, to find the joy and pleasure in authenticity? How do we release the fear that who we are, how we love or what we desire is a problem?
What do happiness and connection look like for people who don’t conform to idealized standards? How do we claim the power of sexual freedom for people who have a differently sized body, differently functioning brain, or different levels of mobility; people who work in the sex industry; or people who are slutty, kinky, old, Black or brown, transgender, or polyamorous?
Cliff Media is a porn production company that invites people of all walks of life to share in the exciting, scary experiment of co-creating sex-positive spaces beyond fear and shame. We encourage all good-hearted people to participate, as long as they provide STI results, sign release forms, and show up with kindness, humility and a desire to grow. Together, we produce scenes that explore themes of loving community, healthy non-monogamy, joyful kink, and empowered female and queer sexuality.
Porn is often derided as gratuitous indulgence in big boobs, hard dicks and offensive stereotypes. But if we set aside the way porn has been used by many mainstream companies and consider the medium itself, it’s actually an awesome opportunity. It’s perhaps the most widely viewed, intimate and uncensored medium, allowing creators to explore topics that go deep into our psyche, including:
Shame and acceptance of our bodies and identities
Diversity in romantic and sexual relationships
Sexual health and ethics
Sexual deviance, desire and kink
Fear of rejection, judgment or loss
Trauma and healing
Joy, humor, kindness, and care, and
The innate human longing for affection and belonging.
In this companion podcast, we dive deep into the topics that underlie our production work. Our host Vanessa Cliff, CEO of Cliff Media, talks with pornstars, participants in Cliff Media shoots, and other sex-positive community leaders.
Join us in the joy of being awkwardly human, naked and without pretence. Let’s get free.
Yet, social norms make accessing this simple joy harder than it needs to be. In this podcast, we unpack junk narratives about which bodies, identities, relationship styles, or sexual activities are considered acceptable and reclaim the power of sexual freedom.
Recent decades have brought meaningful progress in some areas of gender and sexuality, like greater acceptance of LGBTQ people in the institution of marriage and the workplace, and access to contraception that allows women more sexual freedom. Nonetheless, dominant cultural norms still perpetuate narrow ideas about who is desirable or worthy of love and what sexual practices are appropriate. Often, these subtle, pernicious ideas operate quietly beneath the surface and show up in our hearts as shame, isolation or fear.
How do we break free? How do we learn to be and love our whole authentic selves, to find the joy and pleasure in authenticity? How do we release the fear that who we are, how we love or what we desire is a problem?
What do happiness and connection look like for people who don’t conform to idealized standards? How do we claim the power of sexual freedom for people who have a differently sized body, differently functioning brain, or different levels of mobility; people who work in the sex industry; or people who are slutty, kinky, old, Black or brown, transgender, or polyamorous?
Cliff Media is a porn production company that invites people of all walks of life to share in the exciting, scary experiment of co-creating sex-positive spaces beyond fear and shame. We encourage all good-hearted people to participate, as long as they provide STI results, sign release forms, and show up with kindness, humility and a desire to grow. Together, we produce scenes that explore themes of loving community, healthy non-monogamy, joyful kink, and empowered female and queer sexuality.
Porn is often derided as gratuitous indulgence in big boobs, hard dicks and offensive stereotypes. But if we set aside the way porn has been used by many mainstream companies and consider the medium itself, it’s actually an awesome opportunity. It’s perhaps the most widely viewed, intimate and uncensored medium, allowing creators to explore topics that go deep into our psyche, including:
Shame and acceptance of our bodies and identities
Diversity in romantic and sexual relationships
Sexual health and ethics
Sexual deviance, desire and kink
Fear of rejection, judgment or loss
Trauma and healing
Joy, humor, kindness, and care, and
The innate human longing for affection and belonging.
In this companion podcast, we dive deep into the topics that underlie our production work. Our host Vanessa Cliff, CEO of Cliff Media, talks with pornstars, participants in Cliff Media shoots, and other sex-positive community leaders.
Join us in the joy of being awkwardly human, naked and without pretence. Let’s get free.
51 Episodes
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For people who eventually share their identity as LGBTQ+ in middle age or later, they stand in the wake of decades of life identifying as cisgender and straight. Compulsory heteronormativity and cisnormativity are powerful tools of oppression that suggest that being cisgender and straight are the only right way to be. For people not connected to LGBTQ communities, finding language for or comfort in expressing non-normative gender or sexual orientation can be a long process. In this panel episode, Hannah and Adrian describe how decades of trying to squeeze themselves in a box they don’t fit had detrimental consequences, including depression, anger and addiction. Over time, in a gradual process of coming out, or as the panelists discuss “letting people in”, they were able to create more space for freedom, authenticity and joy in their lives.
The irrational fear, discrimination and judgements about people who are fat are deeply ingrained in dominant Western norms. These ideas show up in many areas of our lives: physical education classes at school, ideas perpetuated by the fitness industry, images and narratives about desirability in mainstream media, including TV shows, advertisements and porn, and bias and discourse among medical professionals.In this episode, Tina describes how they have encountered fatphobia throughout their lives. Inspired by fat loving activists and authors, as well as their personal experience as a performer in Cliff Media’s porn scenes, Tina has learned a new way of relating to their fabulous body. Talk about the damaging impacts of fatphobia and ways people of all body sizes can work to unlearn these ideas.@Vanessacliff2
Trigger warning: This episode discusses rape and sexual assault, including graphic depictions of Hannah’s assault as a minor.In consensual non-consent (CNC), scene partners negotiate their desires, boundaries and limits in advance. Although the scene roleplays assault, it is based on care and prior communication. Because the sub has asked for the dynamic, specified their boundaries and can stop the scene at any time, the sub retains power, creating a powerful way to reframe past experiences of rape.By contrast, seeking out sexual assault itself exists outside the negotiated safety of CNC. Nonetheless, it is a practice shared by some survivors of sexual assault, who intentionally place themselves in dangerous situations with the hope of reliving their prior experiences.In this episode, Hannah describes how this has played out in her life. But subconsciously and, sometimes, very intentionally, she has sought to relive the magnitude of violence and control she first experienced at 12 years old. Assault for Hannah has a different meaning now, as a physically stronger and more emotionally resilient adult. She explores to what extent this is driven by a desire to reclaim power in an experience where she previously found herself powerless or a brain wired for repeating unhealed trauma. @Vanessacliff2
Chronic unhappiness and feeling stuck can often result from creating a life centered around perceived obligations to other people. The expectations of family, friends, and the dominant culture can reinforce shame attached to doing anything for yourself, asking for what you want or pursuing fun or pleasure for its own sake. Underlying this shame is often an anxiety about rejection. Releasing this fear and shame to express what you need - and even what you simply want, whether essential to well-being or not - can be enormously freeing. In this episode, Tina talks about ways that narratives in their childhood encouraged them to be smaller, quieter, and focused on the needs of others, and how they came to live a fuller, more self-authorized life.@Vanessacliff2
From a very young age, Remi lived outside the dominant social norm. Openly gay in middle school, he later came out as transgender, explored polyamorous relationships, and now participates in porn. Through each of these touchpoints, Remi had to make a choice between maintaining emotional safety in living based on normative expectations or pursuing a life that felt more authentic.In this episode, Remi describes moments in their life where they chose joy and love. It’s not easy trusting your gut. Even in the absence of violence, the stories that dominant society tells us can be loud. Remi’s ability to follow his heart is an inspiring example of self-trust.@Vanessacliff2
We know gender isn’t a binary - that has been understood for centuries across many cultures. But what is it? Perhaps it can be understood as a field or an ocean, a made-up cultural idea, tied to feelings, life experiences, interpersonal interactions, outward body appearance, body parts, social roles and norms, sexual roles, and more. In this episode, Vanessa and Hannah, a person who lives somewhere outside the gender binary, look under the hood of gender identity. Hannah documents their personal journey with gender, self-expression and relationships. Their open, deep reflections reveal relatable inconsistencies. For example, they express apathy toward their perceived gender identity but also long for a different, more feminine body. They reject gender-based social expectations, while also desiring the kind of softer interactions that are often attached to femininity.Even for people who recognize that gender is a made-up social construct, we are also wired for connection, so social constructs matter. Gender stereotypes, roles and expectations can and should be challenged, but these norms still loom large in collective thought. They subconsciously influence how we believe we should dress, talk, have sex, behave, or relate to others. Being honest about and dissecting the innumerable ways these assumptions show up in our lives may help us to break free of their constraints and enjoy just being.@Vanessacliff2
Selling sex toys might not be a popular topic with conservative relatives at the Thanksgiving dinner table, but it’s a giant industry and, in the right hands, a helping profession. Despite the stereotypes of skeezy adult theaters, Bambi describes largely positive experiences working with customers. They also had meaningful moments helping customers overcome the stigma attached to sexual, kink, or queer desire. Bambi had a sex-positive mindset before working at the adult store, but their coworkers and experiences on the job contributed to their growth and exploration around gender, sexuality and self-confidence. @Vanessacliff2
Boundary settings is a learned skill. It’s particularly hard for people who have experienced trauma, for whom pleasing people feels necessary to stay physically and emotionally safe or prevent love from disappearing. Valuing your own desires can also be particularly hard for women, LGBTQ people or Black, Indigenous and people of color, who regularly receive the message in society that their needs and desires don’t matter. In this episode, Roxie Valentine describes the process of learning how to ask for what she wants. A recent experience stands out in her journey when she expressed to her polycule a kink fantasy that took some bravery to request. She examines what parts of herself changed to reach the place of self-acceptance and belief that she is worthy of having and expressing her own desires.@Vanessacliff2
Although transphobia exists everywhere, it is especially difficult to survive as a transgender person in some places, from conservative parts of the U.S. and the U.S. carceral system, to conditions in many conservative countries. In this episode, we talk with Selena, a Russian refugee who fled transphobic violence and political persecution in her home country. She describes the bullying, assaults and intentional humiliation she experienced from her family and from her school. Nonetheless, she recounts how clearly she knew her identity from a young age and her persistence in being herself. Despite the social and political conditions, Selena formed clandestine associations with other LGBT people in her area, meeting with curtains drawn just to share safe spaces and friendship. She and a group of friends even went on public record advocating for transgender people. Her brave actions, along with discrimination in employment, ongoing violence and other factors, led Selena to escape to the U.S. In the words of Maya Angelou, “No one of us can be free until everybody is free.” Stories from LGBTQ folks surviving, resisting or fleeing dangerously transphobic places help us remember what it means to fight for authentic safety, happiness and freedom in community. A warning that this episode includes discussion of physical violence. @Vanessacliff2
In addition to the many joys of authentic relating and abundant love, polyamorous relationships can also bring up challenging feelings, like jealousy, insecurity and fear of missing out. There are as many ways of dealing with these feelings as there are relationships, including a range of relationship hierarchies, rules, communication strategies, or preferences, and the underpinning of all effective strategies including honest, open, non-judgemental communication. In this episode, Josh talks about a component of managing jealousy that’s less often discussed, perhaps because it’s less comfortable for the jealous partner. He takes us through steps he’s taken to manage his own emotions and grow into confidence, secure attachment and healthy interdependence. His reflections range from big picture questions of self-worth to day-to-day strategies of distraction.The idea that we are all responsible for our own happiness can be understood as a source of liberation: we have the keys to unlock the kingdom for ourselves. Although communication in a relationship is of course important, learning and developing strength as an individual is also a critical part of making polyamory a more life-giving experience. @Vanessacliff2
Romantic relationships can be a fountain of companionship, adventure and security when they’re going well. But regardless of the number of people involved or the relationship style, relationships that become all-consuming, codependent, or toxic can be a devastatingly significant drain on quality of life. Sometimes identifying that the relationship is a problem and getting out are easier said than done. In this episode, Azura shares her experience of getting stuck in a relationship where she felt she couldn’t be herself, was discouraged from taking up space and eventually ended up feeling unsafe. Eventually, she felt so depressed and trapped that she put in what she called her “two weeks notice on life”, grabbed her things and high-tailed it across the country. Pushing aside the fog of trauma, Azura bravely reclaimed her life and the space to be herself.
Much like high-intensity sports, playing with BDSM kink is more sustainable and life-giving when it’s done with an eye toward health and safety. Charle offers recommendations for nutrition, sleep, infection prevention, education, and emotional health before, during and after kink scenes. Whether you’re into Shibari rope, impact play, needle play, or more, tips from this episode may help you feel more confident taking care of your body and mind during play.
The age-old debate still rages: Is squirt pee? In this episode, Foxie addresses this question with scientific research, and moves far beyond the simplistic debate. Squirting has social significance. Debunking the myth that squirt is a porn stunt, Foxie describes squirting as a natural part of arousal for many people with vulvas. She shares her own personal experiences with squirting, the sex acts that most trigger squirt, the social reactions she has encountered, and the empowerment that came when she first discovered this aspect of her sexual life.The stigma, shame and misconceptions about squirt keep some people with vulvas from allowing their bodies to squirt. There is meaningful liberation in allowing your body to do what it wants, especially during vulnerable acts of sex and orgasm. @Vanessacliff2
Social movements led by LGBTQ people and people with disabilities have achieved radical progress in public policy and social inclusion, in much the same way people have advanced cultural shifts in sex-positivity. Building from these gains, some organizations stand on the forefront of liberation through their work at the intersection of these communities. In the pursuit of more inclusive communities, LGBTQ people, people with disabilities, and other marginalized groups can find common ground in our shared experience of struggle and desire for belonging. In this episode, two Cliff Media leaders, Jordan, a person with a permanent physical disability, and Hannah, a genderqueer person, talk about the differences and similarities in their experiences living outside the dominant culture. They describe the difficulties of feeling misunderstood or excluded as a child and the challenges of being in spaces where everyone else is able-bodied or cisgender and straight. They also talk about the journey of learning to express themselves confidently for all of who they are. Through common experiences being in Cliff Media led by queer people and people with disabilities, Jordan and Hannah describe the power of being in a community with people who share and understand aspects of your identity. With empathy toward the healing journey of people who have experienced trauma, discrimination or exclusion, they also describe the significance and value of reaching across identity to build genuinely inclusive community led by people with multiple, often intersecting marginalized identities.
Instead of hiring professional actors, Cliff Media invites all good-hearted, enthusiastically consenting adults to participate in raw, authentic and fun storyline-based porn scenes. In this episode, Diana shares her experience as a new participant with Cliff Media. The first day of Cliff Media’s 2024 LGBTQ Shoot Week was her first entry into the company, though by day four, she feels like a staple of the community. Community organizing-based porn, especially led by queer people, people with disabilities and Black, Indigenous and people of color, is a unique, unparalleled social experiment. As a result, everyone coming into Cliff Media for the first time, even those with experience in group sex or porn, is joining something they have not experienced before. Diana talks about her fears and expectations prior to attending the shoot, and her initial experience on the first day. She describes the ups and downs of her physical and emotional reaction to the shoot week, and offers practical tips for people who want to prepare their body before specific sexual acts. At Cliff Media, we invite people to do only exactly whatever they want to do with their bodies, asking others for consent (“May I [verb] your [noun]?”), expressing their boundaries and being comfortable with providing honest feedback to learn and grow from each other. This can be an uncomfortable new experience, and as Diana expresses, it is the effort toward loving everyone who walks the door that allows people to feel safer being their authentic selves, including in their sexual and interpersonal desires.@Vanessacliff2
Rock bottom, a collapse into all-encompassing misery, is a hard place to be and something many of us have experienced. It can be a monumental task to pull yourself out of the hole, but the decline can be a spark to recreate a new, more self-authorized life. This podcast continues Jordan’s story, introduced in the previous episode, as a person with a permanent physical disability who struggled with the desire for belonging in childhood, leading to addiction in early adulthood. In part two of this story, Jordan describes the process he pursued to get sober, build connections, and find positivity and meaning in his life. His approach centered on small, self-loving changes that conditioned him into the realization that change, of all kinds, are possible. As we collectively build loving, sex-positive community, considering the perspectives of the 25% of the population with disabilities is a critical part of inclusion. But the lessons apply even for people who don’t have physical disabilities. Enormous value can come from the brave act of defining your own truth, believing that you are worthy of belonging however your body looks or works, is a critical part of experiencing personal power and happiness, even when it takes baby steps and gradual change.@Vanessacliff2
Feeling comfortable in your own body and experiencing a sense of connection and belonging to others is a nearly universal connection to happiness. For people with a visible physical disability, trauma, exclusion, and discrimination contributes to higher rates of mental health problems and substance use disorders. When you have a visible physical disability, other people’s ignorance, even when well-meaning, can make you feel different, misunderstood or excluded. In this podcast, Jordan talks about the relationship between his life as a person with a visible permanent physical disability and his experience of addiction. The difficulty caused by exclusions in school, and other people’s ignorance, even when well-meaning, led to him feeling different. In high school, substance use gave Jordan access to what otherwise felt like unachievable inclusion. Increasing use of substances, in the hustle to experience belonging, led to a life-impairing addiction. Although Jordan has since overcome his addiction and now leads a life full of positivity and meaning, the addiction took a toll on his early adulthood.Like many common human experiences, including sexual desire, masturbation, queerness and mental illness, addiction is often suffered in secret shame. Jordan’s story models incredible vulnerability, @Vanessacliff2
For LGBTQ people, the stressors of homophobia and transphobia, financial hardship caused by rejection from family or employers, trauma, shame and fear all contribute to high rates of depression and mental health crises. Inclusive mental healthcare can be a critical lifeline. Yet, many LGBTQ people report discrimination in accessing care, including denial of care, harsh language, or treating their sexual orientation or gender identity as the cause of their illness.Based on her recent personal experience in a psychiatric hospital, Roxie, a trans woman, describes connections made among LGBTQ patients and the role these connections played in creating a healing environment. Especially in areas with less access to LGBTQ-affriming mental health care, Roxie’s experience demonstrates why it’s important for ally providers to allow LGBTQ patients to talk with each other, including about subjects that may be relevant to their sexuality or identity. @Vanessacliff2
Whether you do full-service, camming, online content or porn, as a sex worker, your attention is in high demand. As your own boss, you get to choose who deserves your attention. If used with self-love, this power to choose becomes one of the best tools for keeping yourself safe and preserving your Badass Whore Energy. Rooted in Vanessa’s first-hand experience, this episode offers some perspectives on practical questions like:How to approach sharing your contact information as a sex worker,How to preserve your emotional energy when arranging gigs,How to reduce the risk of harassment, wage theft or assault, Red flags to look out for when considering prospective clients, producers, or co-stars, andHow to take care of your physical and emotional safety when incidents occur.@Vanessacliff2
In this light-hearted and educational episode, Foxie offers a window into the wide world of sex clubs. Her passion for play in club settings is infectious, and as a confident pansexual woman, she brings a breadth of experiences. We cover questions like: What do you do at a sex club? How do you decide which one to choose? How do you get over nervous feelings and connect with new people? How do you keep yourself safe? The episode also closes with some recommendations for sex club attendees and owners about creating more race, class and gender-inclusive spaces, so that everyone feels welcome and can have safe, ridiculous, sexy fun.@Vanessacliff2
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