Trigger warning: This episode discusses rape and sexual assault, including graphic depictions of Hannah’s assault as a minor.

In consensual non-consent (CNC), scene partners negotiate their desires, boundaries and limits in advance. Although the scene roleplays assault, it is based on care and prior communication. Because the sub has asked for the dynamic, specified their boundaries and can stop the scene at any time, the sub retains power, creating a powerful way to reframe past experiences of rape.

By contrast, seeking out sexual assault itself exists outside the negotiated safety of CNC. Nonetheless, it is a practice shared by some survivors of sexual assault, who intentionally place themselves in dangerous situations with the hope of reliving their prior experiences.

In this episode, Hannah describes how this has played out in her life. But subconsciously and, sometimes, very intentionally, she has sought to relive the magnitude of violence and control she first experienced at 12 years old. 

Assault for Hannah has a different meaning now, as a physically stronger and more emotionally resilient adult. She explores to what extent this is driven by a desire to reclaim power in an experience where she previously found herself powerless or a brain wired for repeating unhealed trauma. 

@Vanessacliff2