Reset With Renee

RESOURCES MENTIONED:  1.  Prepare Enrich Couples Assessment:   https://www.prepare-enrich.com/couples/why-prepare-enrich/ --Preparation, Enrichment, Restoration  --Assess strengths & growth areas with guided support   2.  HEAL CLASS (Heal Emotions And Relationship Troubles) by Renee Fleming.  Contact for more details.   3.  Book - Thawing Childhood Abandonment Issues by Don Carter, MSW, LCSW   4.  Work of John Gottman:  https://www.gottman.com/  5.  Dr. Mark Hyman Meme IG:  “The majority of arguments between couples are around 3 main areas – control & power, care & closeness, and respect & recognition.”   SHOW NOTES:  Personal & Relational Change is driven by growth/safety or pain/crisis.  Underneath most pain is a message/belief/question/fear about “am I loved” and/or “am I enough”?  Needs, Wounds, Dreams (for Self, Relationship), & Fears can drive healthy vulnerability/connection or conflict/power struggles.   NEEDS:   A. Survival Needs = Basic Needs: food shelter, clothing, medical attention, safety & protection. If a child doesn’t feel safe, then they cannot relax & play; disrupts developmental growth. Protective mechanisms will develop for survival & will become an added burden later in life.   B. Emotional Dependency Needs = Basic & Primary Needs for Love & Esteem = Time, Attention, Affection, & Direction.   WOUNDS from “The Past”:  When NEEDS aren’t met and/or something happens or doesn’t happen that should in the absence of support. These wounds HURT & adaptive (defensive, protective, proactive/extreme/reactive) strategies are then developed & repeated.   Common Emotional Injuries/Wounds:  being controlled, excluded, abandoned, humiliated, neglected, abused, betrayed, rejected, ignored, & disrespected.   Suggested Partner Conversation: It might be helpful to discuss with your partner, how your families of origin handled or reacted to each of the main ”primary” emotions: mad, sad, scared, & glad. In other words, what was accepted/encouraged & what was avoided/minimized/shamed?   Self-Check:  Assess what is overdeveloped, underdeveloped, or appropriately skillful….?   #howtohuman #copingversushealing #whathumansdo #gottman #HEART #wholehearted #cptsdrecovery #innerchild #reparenting #emotionalintelligence #relationshiptips #resetwithrenee #relationshipcoach #naturalstatetherapist #showmestatetherapist #connectinside #ifstherapy #narm #IT

Power is useful, a resource; & can be used for good or to cause hurt or harm.  This episode applies to all relationships in your life.  The goal is to be in right relationship with others, each person in their personal power. If something feels “off” check to see if there is a power struggle, hustle, or leak.  1.   Victim, Perpetrator, Rescuer triangle – know what it is & how to get off it. 2.     Unconscious Relationships -3 projects Trying to force partner to change back. Trying to force ourselves to change. Give up & close heart.   3.     Pure Power/Personal Power (From Tanner Wallace)   I have agency, choice & am empowered.    It’s not about what happens to you; it’s about how you handle it.   I have faith in myself & take aligned action moment to moment. I’m in my power; you’re in your power, equal but different.  I honor me.  I honor you.  I honor us but not at the cost of me What’s here for me, for us, & is possible now?         Right action, right time, no forcing.  Allow it to unfold to completion.        Discern what is the wisdom, insights, lessons.  What is it I’m desiring, want to deepen, embody, or lean into? Mind, body, heart, soul, spirit synched up   4.     What is circumstantial power? (From Tanner Wallace) Looking outside of yourself for your sense of being ok. Chasing: seeking validation, information, or truth from others. Hoping:  hope alone - with no aligned action, skill set assessment, is a recipe for giving our power away -hoping everyone else will do better or circumstances will change.  Delusional fantasy/wishful thinking. Grabbing:  when we don’t trust us or have faith in the process/path to unfold & force something not believing that we are ok or enough, have the necessary skills. Waiting:  decision making by default, deferring to another versus discerning the unfolding/evolution 5.      Other forms of disempowerment (from Gene Keys): Complaining -disempowering oneself, problem oriented. The energy of the complaint itself serves to strengthen the illusion that life is so very hard. Causes sustained general wear on our physical organism = energy leak. Freedom occurs when we see through our deepest unconscious patterns (fears) to the heart of this energetic.  Acknowledge the trigger,the unconscious root, & address the need for you. Blaming - We fire an arrow at another that removes self-responsibility for our situation, giving away our true power & presence.  All blame is an expression of anger projected outwardly but is not pure. Pure anger is a release of the primal energy of fear that may be triggered by an external source but does not target the source. The moment one blames another, one is again the victim of one’s own drama (Victim Triangle).  It is impossible to blame another for one’s fate & simultaneously realize that one is simply an actor in a play.  Everyone is their own main character; don’t take it in or take it personally that you are a collateral character in someone else’s story.      True freedom occurs when the arrows of blame are caught mid-flight before they reach their target.  No personal power in shaming or judging.  These are strategies we use when we don’t feel personal power. Personal power requires discernment not judging.   6.     Abuse of power When others power over you to gain the upper hand for them & keep you in a place of inferiority to serve their objective; hurt & harm are caused at an individual & collective level. ·       Gaslighting ·       Aggression, Dominance, Threat ·       Manipulation, Coercive control #resetwithrenee #naturalstatetherapist #showmestatetherapist #coach #ifs #narm #empowerment #agency #relationshiptips #wholehearted #howtohuman #healingversuscoping #partswork #trailhead   ·         

For communication to go well: 1.  Capacity - Each person needs to have the time, space, energy, & privacy needed to be present, attuned, engaged, regulated, & able to self soothe. 2.  Having clarity of intention – is this about increasing intimacy through shared vulnerability; is it about addressing differences/pragmatics, is it about asserting boundaries, asking for pragmatic help of needing space for venting or repairing or resolving prior hot button issues? 3. Being open to outcome, pacing, & the idea of “chunking” 4. Lack of internal conflict is best or at least... 5.  Clarity that an inner conflict exists (on one hand & on the other) 6. Keep it simple -  “CLEAR IS KIND” or 3 Fs -facts, feelings, fair request 7.   Avoid polarizing statements like “you make me feel….”.  8.   Lead with questions that start with what or how NOT why.  9.   Avoid extremes like you always or you never.  10.  Knowing your core truth is essential – trusting your gut, staying stuck in your head, or being led by your emotions/heart can make it hard to stay grounded. 11.  Check your energy – speak from a place of personal power not circumstantial power  - that you borrow or manufacture.  Personal responsibility & accountability is more skillful than offsetting to excuses, reasons, or others. 12.  Avoid reaching, pushing, chasing, protesting, shame, blame, criticism, or contempt. 13.  You can say the “right” words but if the expression is NOT electroneutral – & carries a zing or energetic charge, the message has less chance of landing well. 14.  In fact, it will likely trigger defensive parts in the other person & communication will devolve into a defensive part to defensive part battle. 15.  Approach conversations with a “win - win” attitude versus a power over or power under strategy.  16.  Call a time out/pause when one or both people can no longer stay centered or regulated. The one who needs the time out (most likely the person who is least comfortable with conflict) needs to confirm an approximate time/place to return to the conversation out of respect for the other (not leaving them hanging & anxious). 17.  If overwhelm builds, ask for what you need to stay present (lower voices, sitting together, movement, holding hands). 18.  Or notice & name that the dynamic is going off track & invite the other to course correct with you.  Do this once, not repeatedly.  It is not dignifying or respectful to yourself to beg, plead, or chase.   SUMMARY Being able to self regulate, self reflect, self soothe is a good building block to brining your best self to relationship dynamics.  Wholehearted communication is clear, kind, & truthful and absent of power dynamics.  It’s best to honor you & honor them & allow the outcome to unfold.  Your ability to navigate, negotiate, & connect in relationships can profoundly affect how you feel about yourself, others, & the world.  If you would like support in growing this skillset I invite you to reach out to reset. RESOURCES For additional hep, consider: Book:  Nonviolent Communication A Language of Life by Marshall Rosenberg Website:  https://www.cnvc.org/   #resetwithrenee #coach #naturalstatetherapist #showmestatetherapist #reachouttoreset #healingversuscoping #howtohuman #cptsd #generational #transformnottransmit #cptsdrecovery #cptsdhelaing #traumahealing #ifstherapist #ifscoach #emotionalintelligence #relationalintelligence #relationshiptips #mentalhealth #wellbeing #relationships #rupturerepair #intimacy #acceptance #compassion #communication #capacity #selfregulation #selfawareness #selfreflection #selfleadership #selfhealing #selfsoothing #selfnurturing  

INTIMACY = “Into ME” “I see” For intimacy you would need the following ingredients, steps, or skills: 1. Self-awareness: what’s happening inside/outside 2. Self-reflection: what’s working/not working 3. Self-regulation: How to down regulate or up regulate Differentiation, Self regulation, & Attachment - Ability to hold onto Self (David Schnarch, author of Intimacy & Desire: Awaken the Passion in Your Relationships) 4. Self-expression: Ability to articulate/verbalize aspects of your internal world, in a calm, clear, energetically clean manner & ideally to be received as such. INTIMACY WITH OTHERS It gets more complicated & challenging when bringing your Self to share with the “other” that matters to you. Trust, safety, & respect are prerequisites for intimacy. Taking your armor off or laying it down, exposing your heart, & allowing for your Self to be seen requires a safe context & sufficient skill set. BLOCKS TO INTIMACY  1.  Cultural 2. Personal/Relational “U Turn” & #connectinside · What are you thinking, feeling, sensing, doing? · What need, fear, wound, or dream is at stake? · What “usual suspects” are coming up to protect you? Can you tend & befriend them? Their energy, emotion, & message is a gift. When intimacy is shaky, get curious about what is driving behavior (yours or theirs). · Are you resonating with fear? · Are you resonating with the present moment? Here, here, now, now, what is possible? · Are you connected to your heart, your truth? · Are you in a state of contraction or expansion? · Do you need time/space to “rest & digest” & have you communicated that? · Are you focusing on growth, co-creation, & empowerment? SUMMARY There is a shift happening across generations. Old patterns of living & relating are being questioned, assessed, & when needed or desired, updated. You may not have learned the basic skills, steps, or ingredients of intimacy & you CAN now. To explore this topic further or to grow your relational skills... reach out to #reset!

1. Acronyms ANXIETY DRIVEN Forget/Fuck Everything And Run False Evidence Appearing Real False Emotions Appearing Real (seeing the world through defensive frames) EMPOWERMENT DRIVEN Face Everything And Rise (note & drop the story, note the facts or problem, what is here now, what’s possible) 2. Fear creates discomfort, conflict or conflict avoidance, “anxiety”/non-neutral energy & power struggles -consciously or unconsciously. 3. The 3 Projects in Relationships (to “relieve” discomfort) · Try to force a person/partner/situation to change. · Try to force ourselves to change. · Give up & close the heart. -->“Fix IT or Forget IT” 4. What to do instead, “the antidote”: Be your primary caretaker. · Do a “U turn” & connect inside with your discomfort/fear. · What “story” about the past, present, or future is the fear or anxiety wanting you to be aware of? · My most recent experience: I felt a mix of anxiety/fear/panic internally & once I was “with” the emotional & physical energy of IT, I was made aware of past experiences/stories of being managed, manipulated, & controlled. My fear/anxiety was basically signaling …. “something feels OFF & is this what is happening right now”? · Moving out of the story allowed me to assess how I wanted/needed to move forward with a tricky situation from a centered place instead of an anxious or constricted place. · Going “inside” can be challenging if your habit is to avoid, suppress, or deny. Ironically, going inside is the quickest way to gain clarity & calm about next steps. Think of “going inside” as a practice like exercise – reps over time makes it easier! · In an intimate relationship, allow your partner to be the secondary caretaker & not “responsible” for your internal state. When you don’t project your fear outward, there is a better chance they can hold space for you, with you, to provide co-regulation. 5. Some fears are not even our own; they precede us from past generations & have been passed to you – consciously or unconsciously. A helpful book on fear based conditioning being transmitted across generations is: “It Didn’t Start With You” by Mark Wolynn. If this concept interests you, check it out! In brief the author invites you to explore the following: · Identify the trigger to your fear. · Identify the core language central to the fear. · Determine whose story it is – from whom & where did that messaging come? · Integrate & alchemize fear -helpful suggestions on how to release, return, or transmute the fear. Fear can be a dark energy given to you by others & having a process to move it is transformational. 6. Lastly, if you are in relationship with someone who is experiencing fear, this information applies. Be a safe space. Ask what they need. If they don’t know, offer or provide some options you know they appreciate, & honor their requests. Co-regulation, holding safe space with care & no agenda, is usually a winning strategy. If someone has turned to you with their fear, consider that a high compliment of trust.

WHY DREAMS MATTERS 1. Dreams for Self · Are wishes, hopes, & aspirations you have for your life, are a part of your identity, & give purpose & meaning to your life. · Dreams like values & rituals, help anchor & reinforce our connections. · They are allowed to change or evolve. What were your dreams when you were a child, a teen, getting married, retiring? 2. Dreams with Others · Co-create with others (partner, children, community, work) · Before you co-create you need to know the people you care about – how well do you know their inner & outer world, their history, their needs & how does that inform their dreams for today & the future? FEED THE DREAM - RELATIONSHIPS 1. Relationship Deposits & Leaks · What thoughts/beliefs or practices/habits/actions · Give or Take Away support to “the Dream”? 2. John Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work & Brent Atkinson, The 10 Habits of Successful Intimate Partners, highlight practices for meeting dreams as well as dealing with change, differences, & conflict. 3. Daily Temperature Reading (Step 5) SUMMARY: · Having dreams for your future & making meaning out of life is part of thriving yet it can be challenging in the pace of our culture. · Living wholeheartedly & with conscious intention allows you to co-create the life you want for yourself and/or with others. · Inner or outer conflict is often a sign of unmet needs (see Season 2 Episode 1), frustration in moving dreams forward, or a challenge in connection. I hope you find this series helpful. Stay tuned for future episodes on fears, communication, and conflict…just to name a few. Thank you for listening. Please like, follow, share, or leave a review in support of the Podcast.  Reach out to Reset!  For consultation: renee@resetwithrenee.com. #resetwithrenee #coach #naturalstatetherapist #showmestatetherapist #cptsd #cyclebreaker #recoveringfamilyhero #generationalhealing #transformnottransmit #recovery #healing #relationshiptips #partnering #marriage #divorcrecovery #parenting #leading#emotionalintelligence #mentalhealth #wellbeing #relationships #rupturerepair #intimacy #attachment #connectinside #howtohuman #healingversuscoping #traumainformed

TAKE 3 on the KAP podcast recording.... Progress NOT Perfection:  some audio & editing issues exist but I wanted to share & move on...!   Renee with @ResetWithRenee discusses her KAP (Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy) experience in Boulder at IPI in December 2022 & shares an overview of the year-long IPI training she is completing.   @IntegrativePsychiatryInstitute  IPI offers a 10-12 month Psychedelic Assisted Therapy (PAT) program that consists of 2 online weekend intensives, weekly learning & meetings, & the in-person, KAP experiential.   #resetwithrenee #ipi #kap #pat #healing #mindbody #naturalstatetherapy #showmestatetherapy #coach #ifs

What does it mean to 'RESET"?   The end of the year is great time to reflect on what to: keep loosen, relax, or let go add to or expand  set as intentions for the upcoming year     My clients hire me to guide them on their journey when they are invited by life to RESET from "coping" to "healing".  It can be hard work (I know) & yet so worth it!    A return to your true self allows you to live, love, & lead with a whole heart.  I want that for me, for you, & for the world.   In this episode, I discuss: coping vs. healing generational evolution developmental needs the importance of self regulation/soothing  the importance of attuned co-regulation disorders as starting points to understand how symptoms have evolved from unmet needs & unaddressed wounds  how critical it is to have a balanced nervous system & physiology for mental & relational health These are skills you can learn!  I invite you to work with me.  Email me renee@resetwithrenee.com or call 314-276-1680 to schedule your 2023 RESET.  As always, you are invited to connect with me on the Reset With Renee socials @Resetwithrenee.  Likes, shares, & comments help promote my work to more people & are appreciated:)  Let me know what ?s you have that you would like to see more content on in 2023.  #resetwithrenee #coach #therapist #podcaster #naturalstatetherapist #showmestatetherapist #generationalhealing #cptsd #recovery #mindbody #ans #polyvagal #relationships #partnering #parenting #connectinside #copingversushealing #wholehearted #newyearintentions #reset

BIDS: TOWARDS, AWAY, AGAINST or if not responded to a person will PROTEST. If bids or protest are NOT met: RUPTURE.  Repair is needed. Without repair, people LEARN TO DISCONNECT. If this pattern of disconnection becomes habituated people learn:  NOT TO TRUST -  1) SELF 2) OTHERS 3) "THE WORLD" This all relates to developed ATTACHMENT STYLE.  In the absence of relational repair, a secure attachment style won't be formed.  The person will apply the attachment style inwardly & outwardly. DISCONNECTION becomes an adaptive/defense mechanism.  Once an adult, INNER CHILD WORK = INNER ATTACHMENT WORK... AS NO ONE IS COMING. Adult relationships = secondary attachment figures; adults need to be responsible (able to respond) to their inner & outer world as needed. TRAUMA ECOSYSTEM = families or environments with poor relational or conflict management skills - may be tricky, traumatic, toxic, dysfunctional.   MOTHER/FATHER WOUND = if your parents could not attune to your signals/cues or if there are generational legacies you are carrying, you may find you have unresolved issues with one or both of your parents that drive your behaviors in your present day relationships. REFLECTION:   HOW DO YOU TURN TOWARDS YOURSELF & OTHERS? HOW DO YOU TURN AWAY?  HOW DO YOU TURN AGAINST? WHERE DO YOU STUMBLE?  WHAT COULD CHANGE IF YOU HAD HELP? See IG @resetwithrenee for video:  https://www.instagram.com/p/CmIRT3fpakJ/ #resetwithrenee #attachmentstyles #innerchild #healing #relationships #generationalhealing #cptsd #aces #gottman #ifs #narm #holidays #Emotionalintelligence #co-regulating #polyvagal #ans 

Listen to learn how different generations approach mental health.   You will learn that connection is the medicine for many physical & mental health challenges.   Knowing how do connect from a place of regulation, not reactivity, is key.   How do you & your family do with that?   Notice with curiosity & compassion (and without judgment) this holiday season...what works well & what results in challenging dynamics &/or behaviors. Reach out to RESET if you want to grow your own ability & capacity.   Key points in this episode: Gen X & Boomers orient to being independent & relate internally & externally with "tough love" ... which leaves deficits that get exposed under stress.   Millennials & Gen Z have higher rates of mental health challenges & more openness to getting help. NOW is a collective opportunity to assess, address, and pivot towards greater mental, physical, & relational health. Meeting needs proactively & with attunement in the moment = quality caregiving/relating Regulate internally first & from that place provide co-regulation for best results. Understand that problematic behaviors/symptoms are our best attempt at communicating needs & is not something to shame/pathologize. Know that nervous system activation cannot be met with cognitive/rational/"logical" approaches but rather an emotional/relational/somatic/intuitive response (no matter the age or capacity of the person). Coping is not healing; healing is connection.  Coping is best for a short term strategy; healing is best for long term outcomes. To sign up for email, see website:  www.resetwithrenee.com. To connect, call or text:  314-276-1680 or email:  renee@resetwithrenee.com Follow @resetwithrenee on FB, Insta, & LinkedIn.   Follow, like, & share this episode on Anchor FM, Spotify, or Amazon Music. Thank you for listening & Happy Thanksgiving 2022!

Issues of power & control are threaded throughout the fabric of our relationships & systems.  Increasing awareness of the coercive control dynamic is a first step in individual, relational, & collective growth.  Safe homes, families, communities, & systems depend upon this collective understanding.  Listen to learn more about this relevant topic.     Questions posed in our conversation:  1. Can you share with the audience how your experience led you to write this book?  2. Can you highlight for listeners the difference between being empowered & powering over?    3. What do you see as the process of growing in personal power?   4. What would you like people to understand about their role as a friend/bystander/passive accomplice?    5. If someone doesn’t identify as a victim of IPV, can you help the audience understand how this book could be helpful to them in their life/relationships/work/communities?    6. What would you like people to better understand about covert tactics of coercive control?  7. Can you describe the metaphor you use in Part 8 on “How Do I Go Forward”? (germination, fertilizers, transplanting, grieving, nurturing growth).  8. As you promote the book have you had any surprising/unexpected feedback?   Author Bio: Jennifer went for a master’s degree in Social Work after her eyes were opened to intimate partner abuse by an internship with a domestic abuse shelter. Her degree included training in working with intimate partner abusers and victims. Jennifer practiced as a mental health therapist for 35 years while also specializing in individual and group work with those who experienced abuse.  Since retiring from therapy, she has two missions. She trains therapists in effective therapy for abuse victims. And she markets her book and blog through podcasts and social media. Jennifer wrote Coercive Relationships: Find the Answers You Seek to reach both victims and non-victims. She believes widespread understanding of the dynamics of coercive control will promote healing in both intimate relationships and institutions. Coercive Relationships was a finalist in the 2022 Next Generation Indie Book Awards.   In her leisure time, Jennifer values time with her children and grandchildren, traveling, reading, making her own cards, and hiking.    Contact Info and Links:  Jennifer Parker Therapy, Training, & Consultation jennifer.womensvoices@gmail.com 608-658-8597    Author of Coercive Relationships: Find the Answers You Seek    Book links: https://linktr.ee/jennifercparkermssw  Website: http://jennifercparkermssw.com     Blog signup:   https://madisonmentalhealthcounselor.com/blog      Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JenniferCParkerMSSW Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jenniferc.parker/ LinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/company/jennifer-parker-therapy-training-consultation/  So glad you are here!  Please leave a comment, like, & share with your community.    To work with Renee please reach out to RESET!  www.resetwithrenee.com Email:  renee@resetwithrenee.com  Call/text:  314-276-1680   Follow the Reset With Renee podcast on Anchor FM, Spotify, & Amazon.  Follow Reset with Renee:  https://www.linkedin.com/in/renee-fleming-925452b8/  https://www.instagram.com/resetwithrenee/  https://www.facebook.com/ResetwithRenee

In this episode, Renee speaks with Jason Mark Glasson about how he has learned to live from his heart & how he brings his learning & experience to helping others. Currently, Jason works with men who feel a connection to their soul, know they are meant for more, yet find themselves not living a life they truly love. Jason guides them to align head and heart, connect to the wisdom of their higher self and give their gifts to the world.  This message is for anybody who wants to live life wholeheartedly.  Learn how to deal with common roadblocks such as self criticism & self loathing, feeling lost, and working hard but getting set back.  Learn how to RESET & come back to your inner wisdom & connection with all that is. To download your free copy of Jason’s eBook: “Living Life from Love: Authentically Living Your Heart's Truth” (normally $4.99 on Amazon) or to connect with Jason, please visit https://acceptyoureamazing.com. Thank you for showing up & listening!  Please follow, leave a review, & share if you like what you hear.  Let us know your questions & comments to be discussed in future episodes! #resetwithrenee

Conflict is inevitable in relationships but many people don’t know how to handle it. Listen to learn how your nervous system, attachment style, & personality can block repair attempts. Becoming self led is an important relationship skill!

Are you led by fear or love? Listen for an opportunity to increase your connection & grow your EI.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-state-our-unions/202208/the-rise-lonely-single-men The Rise of Lonely, Single Men Dating apps and a drastically changing relationship landscape. Posted August 9, 2022 This article is active today on media & presents an opportunity for discussion of relational skills for all & especially for men.   Key points: 1. Intimacy = “into me I see” 2. HOW (Honest, Open, Willing) 3. Differentiation (hold onto self ) & attachment (engage & respond vs. react to BIDS for connection) 4. Self leadership – 8 Cs? OR driven by need for control, image, performance (MANAGERS), reactive, impulsive (FIREFIGHTERS)  or by wounds of the past (EXILES) 5. Accountable, clear, embodied (WHO are you, WHAT to you stand for, HOW do you live that) regardless of outcome; do it for you! 6. ARE (attuned, responsive, engaged) + PRESENT-how do you show up for others? a. Honor you & them b. NO avoid, defend, deny, distract, stonewall 7. What do you relationally want & how to do you create it? Playmate, company, partner? 8. Who is mentoring you? Cultural, social conditioning impacts deficit. Intergenerational. ACE is the antidote to AVOID, BOOT STRAP, SOLDIER ON especially for guilted & burnt out women & lost men...! www.resetwithrenee.com @resetwithrenee

About your host & the intention of this podcast….CPTSD, narcissistic abuse recovery. How to live, lead, & love with a whole heart….

Renee is literally & metaphorically ON THE MOVE & in her own rebirth & reset cycle.Listen to this episode for a more personal share about:1. The context that led up to moving from Arkansas to St. Louis - it has been unfolding for many months!2. How a late diagnosis of AUDHD means disruptions in environment & routine are more challenging & stressful. If this is you, you are not alone & there is a reason your brain is on the blink: it's about CAPACITY!3. The real & regular challenge of obtaining adhd meds - which demands more executive functioning & adds to frustration.4. Feeling DEEPLY means saying goodbye is hard. Extended good byes or abrupt are even more challenging.5. GenX Cycle Breakers, like Renee, rarely get a chance to "come up for air" before a new or another life challenge arises.Renee will be back "in the saddle" seeing clients soon & can't wait to connect!

Listener Question: It's hard to decide what to do with my relationship & the advice I see seems contradictory or confuses me. I don't know what to think...In this Episode:Renee discusses the challenges trauma survivors face in making major life decisions, particularly in relationships, due to unresolved attachment wounds and a lack of "codes" for healthy relationships. She emphasizes the importance of trusting one's intuition and consuming information selectively, taking what resonates and leaving the rest. Renee advises trauma survivors to seek guidance from trusted mentors and to focus on healing and addressing their own trauma FIRST before making significant relationship decisions. She also highlights the need for survivors to honor themselves while maintaining healthy relationships, without sacrificing their well-being.Concepts:Health of individuals & relationships is on a continuum. Mainstream advice may not be nuanced enough for trauma survivors or abuse victims.Look for a mentor who has awareness of the "universal patterns" of your particular challenge and can appreciate the nuances of your specific context. Renegotiating relationships or changing/ending relationship contracts ignites primal fear for folks with insecure attachment. Decisions are best made not from fear based trauma energy but from a place of inner authority, clarity, & discernment. Every human is seeking to meet their biological imperative or essential human needs of: SECURITY/SAFETY & BELONGING/CONNECTION/ATTACHMENT. Healthy relationships meet both needs. It is important to CALL IN what you desire & need versus CALL OUT if you want to exit a negative relationship cycle. Do your part. Engage your healing. Keep your side of the street clean & move with your values & integrity intact to minimize harm & minimize regret. Allow an unfolding. There is a divine plan & divine timing. Your job is to be ready to be have the courage to pivot when needed for your growth & evolution.For more information about your host please visit:https://resetwithrenee.com/To join Renee's free community on Mighty Networks - The Reset Collective:https://reset-gathering.mn.co/share/Z2B41TXYimz0wgrm?utm_source=manualThank you for listening!Please like, share, follow, & comment. To support the podcast please leave a tip here:https://donate.stripe.com/14k16P8N8cBqfDi7sA

Renee chats with Michael Herman , the Autistic Half of "Scenes from a Neurodivergent Marriage". They chat about the nuances of communication styles, the importance of self-acceptance, & the impact of neurodiversity on personal and professional relationships. They also discuss how understanding one's own needs & communicating them effectively can lead to healthier interactions, both in work and personal life. The dialogue emphasizes the significance of vulnerability, especially in the context of social media, and how sharing personal experiences can foster community and healing. They also touch on the challenges faced by neurodivergent individuals in relationships and the importance of mutual understanding and support.Our Guest: Michael is a Chicago-based director, playwright and teacher. He loves nothing more than watching a new play come to life, while increasing access to the arts. Michael studied Architecture at The Cooper Union, holds undergraduate degrees in Theater and English from The State University of New York at Brockport, and an MFA in Dramatic Writing from Carnegie Mellon University. Music is the answer.http://www.outerlooptheater.org/http://www.youtube.com/@MyAutisticHusbandhttps://www.tiktok.com/link/v2?aid=1988&lang=en&scene=bio_url&target=instagram.com%2Fmyautistichusbandhttps://www.instagram.com/myautistichusband?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==Our Host: Renee FlemingA therapist turned coach who specializes in trauma healing & late diagnosed neurodivergence.https://resetwithrenee.com/https://www.instagram.com/resetwithrenee/?hl=enhttps://www.tiktok.com/@resetwithrenee

Nadine's Journey to Trauma Bond ExpertiseNadine shared her personal journey, including her marriage to the Wolf of Wall Street and her later divorce. She discussed how her experiences led her to pursue a career in therapy & eventually earn a doctorate. Nadine specializes in trauma bonds & betrayal trauma, which she developed after realizing the need for further research in this area. She wrote a book based on her findings, which has been well received.Nadine's Approach to Complex Traumasymptomspersonality traits attachmentdevelopmental traumareconnect the person with their authentic self, using unconditional positive regard & curiositya need for directness when dealing with women in trauma bonds or those who have just leftpsychoeducation to empower her clients,teaching them about the vagus nerve & its role in perceiving safety & dangerregain their autonomy & overcome the power imbalance often present in trauma bondsNavigating Toxic Relationships & Co-Parenting Challenges Nadine shared:her personal experience of having her ex-husband arrested, which shifted the power balance in her favor. the importance of emotional support & the need for a protective wall, made of several supportsthe re-traumatizing effects of post-separation abuse & the difficulties of mediating with pathological lovers in the family court system. Pathological Relationships & Self-Care StrategiesThe importance of self-care, therapy, the need for radical acceptance & an understanding that co-parenting with a pathological person is not possible.Dr. Christine Cocciola's program, Protected Parents, which helps women dealing with post-separation abuse. Self-Care &Compassion in TraumaNadine discussed the importance of :self-care & self-compassion in managing emotional flashbacks & anxiety. staying calm & responding to aggressive emails or situations. Sandra Brown's book, Women Who Love Psychopaths, discusses the 5-factor model of personality & how certain traits make individuals vulnerable to pathological relationships. Dealing With Narcissistic IndividualsNarcissists often target empathetic & caring people, & it's crucial to recognize one's own traits to avoid being a perfect prey. The complexities of human behavior & the need to balance labeling & understanding individuals. Renee also discussed the intersection of trauma, attachment, & neurodivergence as a potential impact on relationships. Recognizing Trauma Bonds & Coercive Controlrecognizing the invisible nature of these dynamics need for self-care & empowerment abuse is never the survivors’ fault a journey of building resilience through therapy & self-reflection is encouraged Our Guest:Dr. Nadine Macaluso, or Dr. Nae, is the real-life inspiration behind Naomi Belfort's character in "The Wolf of Wall Street." She survived a turbulent eight-year marriage to Jordan Belfort, marked by abuse, greed, & trauma.Following her experiences, Dr. Macaluso relocated to California. Her journey of trauma & healing inspired her to return to school at age 39, where she earned her Master's in counseling & a Ph.D. in somatic psychotherapy. She further specialized with a two-year postdoctoral training in the Neuro-affective Relational Model (NARM).As a therapist, Dr. Macaluso combines her education & personal experiences to help others heal from trauma. Her practice focuses on assisting patients in connecting with their authentic selves, fostering confidence, resilience, & agency. Dr. Macaluso firmly believes in the potential for post-traumatic growth, instilling hope in her patients & guiding them to reach their potential in life & love.Be sure to check out Dr. Macaluso’s new book, “Run Like Hell” & her online community on Circle!Our Host: Renee Fleming, therapist & coach, can be found on most social media platforms @Resetwithrenee or www.resetwithrenee.comBoth her free & subscription community & courses can be found on Mighty Networks.