What Matters Most

This week, Antonia and Jacqui perform surgery on one of society's most beloved obsessions. It’s the quiet saboteur of your happiness, hiding behind seemingly admirable qualities like ambition and high standards. It can push you to achieve great things, but perfectionism can also leave you paralyzed, afraid to start anything you might not excel at.Jacqui breaks down the science behind perfectionism. It's more than wanting to do well, it's an all-consuming need to be flawless. Perfectionism takes different forms: the drive to succeed, the pressure to appear perfect, or the need to control every detail. Each variety comes with its own particular challenges but Jacqui shares tools for managing when it’s crossed the line from helpful to harmful.Antonia brings the conversation into sharp relief with her own experiences, reflecting on the pressure to perform as an actress and the stress of getting every little thing just right. The peculiar terror of being seen as imperfect in a profession that trades in fantasy. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We have never had access to so much information. But does it help or hurt us when it comes to seeking answers to support our mental health? The answer may surprise you.Because there was so much more to cover in last week's episode, Antonia and Jacqui dive even deeper into the world of therapy.They tackle the avalanche of self-diagnosis, offering advice on how to ensure you get the correct diagnosis and the right support.Jacqui shares her views on self-help books and provides credible resources for those who may not have access to therapy. The prohibitive cost of therapy is another issue the girls unpack.This episode is one that everyone will find helpful because, let's be honest, we could all use some guidance in figuring out what is fact and what is fiction. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

…Ok but what is therapy? Firstly (and I know we say this every episode) but this is a chat that everyone can benefit from. Whether you have your psychologist on speed dial or have never seen the inside of an office. This week Jacqui and Antonia demystify the process and delve into its importance beyond just addressing crises. They highlight the way it can be used to support mental health, personal growth, and overall well-being. They also clarify the role of a psychologist and how it differs from others offering support in the space. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week's conversation between Antonia and Jacqui can be a…well, sensitive subject.  Historically, being called ‘sensitive’ has been equated with weakness. Thankfully, because of thorough research from numerous scholars (we are looking at you Dr. Arthur and Dr Elaine Aron) we have a much deeper understanding of what it means to be ‘a sensitive person’.  As always, Jacqui’s clinical psychologist lens provides crucial insights into what it means to be a highly sensitive person. The characteristics are probably more diverse than what you expect and the positive ways that it can impact your life may not be common knowledge either. Of course, there are also challenges, which Antonia can relate to, so the pair talk through what they are and how to navigate them.  This is such a beautiful conversation. One that you will benefit from if you believe you're sensitive yourself or know someone who tends to have a sensitive side. You'll come away with a better understanding of how it affects you or someone you know, and how best to navigate it.  Sit in a quiet spot, grab a fly swot (IYKYK) and have a listen.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week Antonia and Jacqui are exploring a topic that is another favorite in the self help section of bookstores.  Habits..they touch every aspect of our lives. From the morning routines that set the tone for our day, to the more unconscious patterns that can hold us back.As always the girls simplify the science behind how we form habits and how they shape our success. They also explain why it’s so hard to change ‘just one little thing.’Jacqui shares why self-compassion, rather than self-judgment, is the key to helping us build positive habits and enabling us to design our days with intention. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

95% of all parents will have issues with their connection at one point or another. Often it comes after having children, as parents grapple with maintaining their relationship with each other while dealing with the intense demands of raising kids.But you're not alone. Clinical psychologist Jacqui Maguire and Antonia Prebble talk about how to open up and have potentially vulnerable conversations with your partner that ultimately bring you closer together. We also discuss the importance of being clear on your own personal needs, but also why you don't always need to be the expert on every situation. We also talk about sex, which can be a really important piece of the connection jigsaw. Sex is impacted by all the other things that happen in our lives, and while the advice on this topic might be less romantic than it could be, we stand by the results! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

As a clinical psychologist, Jacqui Maguire sees burnout a lot. She's watched it become more and more prevalent in the last few years, and is well versed in its signs, symptoms, and common causes.She's also seen it become a bit of a buzzword. One that can be used to describe how people are trying to keep up with fast-paced lives. But, in this episode Jacqui and Antonia Prebble unpack what burnout really means, leaning on the scientific evidence for both individuals and workplaces.Jacqui clarifies what it can look like for individuals. The pair talk about how burnout operates, how it differs from stress, and how to recognise it. As well as well as effective techniques to handle it, and practical advice to lessen some of the psychological aspects of burnouts impact. For workplaces - we hate to break it to you - preventing burnout is about much more than a fruit bowl and a ping pong table. We talk about the best things organisations can do to genuinely help their staff and avoid the costly repercussions of burning your people out. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ah, money: Right now, money – or the lack of it – is a real hot-button topic as New Zealanders battle a cost-of-living crisis. If you’ve found yourself worrying about finances this year, first of all you’re FAR from the only one, in fact, 57% of Kiwis surveyed in recent studies are worried, too.  So in this episode of What Matters Most, you’ll hear Jacqui and Antonia talk openly about budgets, finances and how the rising cost of living is truly impacting so many of us in Aotearoa.  But, as ever, Jacqui is here with tips to lessen some of the psychological aspects of financial strain, including techniques to tackle your response to stress as well as practical advice that’ll help your bank balance anxiety.  Simple steps like opening up to people you trust, knowing what your spending triggers and habits are and removing the stigma of financial strain are all great places to start, Jacqui says – as well as knowing how to actually identify if you need some help.  Jacqui also talks about why we’re not good at talking about money as a society, how to re-prioritise spending, why self-care simply doesn’t cut it when dealing with money worries, how to shift the conversation towards ways of spending less money, and why doing a self-audit is the most important start when it comes to relieving the mental pressure of financial strain. We’d also like to say a big warm thank you to our wonderful sponsors of this episode: The fantastic folks at Woop, who keep our bellies deliciously full and warm, and the lovely team at Emma who ensure we get a good night’s sleep! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We all experience it – the dizzying highs of helpful emotions, and the crushing lows of the unhelpful ones. In this episode, Jacqui explains exactly what is emotion regulation – and how, if you develop some simple skills, you’ll be able to identify and navigate your thoughts and feelings in a far healthier way.You’ll hear heaps of tips and tricks as to how to actually label what the emotion your feeling is – did you know that anger is a secondary emotion, and you’re probably feeling something else underneath?Jacqui also talks through how there are no ‘good’ or ‘bad’ emotions – rather, it’s about identifying ‘helpful’ and ‘unhelpful’ emotions, and then figuring out how to either up-regulate the helpful emotions – happiness, joy, success – and down-regulate the unhelpful ones, such as sadness, disappointment or hurt.Jacqui and Antonia also go through how to help and teach your kids on emotional regulation (or “superpowers, as Jacqui calls them – she’s even written a book about her daughter, When the Wind Blew, on the subject!) and offer some super-easy and practical tips for adults, ranging from thought strategies through to pure physiological ways of managing unhelpful emotions (cold shower, anyone?!) We’d also like to say a big warm thank you to our wonderful sponsors of this episode: The fantastic folks at Woop, who keep our bellies deliciously full and warm, and the lovely team at Emma who ensure we get a good night’s sleep! Sponsor Codes: Woop are offering our listeners 30% off their first box. Just use the code PODCAST at the checkout. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You’re far from being alone if you identify as a people pleaser – more than half the female population are too! In this episode Jacqui will talk you through how you can identify whether you (or someone you have a close relationship with!) are a people pleaser.You’ll hear a bit of live therapy, as Antonia opens up about her own experiences as a people pleaser and Jacqui works through some techniques to tone down her – and perhaps your! – people pleasing ways.Jacqui takes us through some great exercises, with some homework to try out on someone close to you who you feel comfortable with. Maybe there’s something you’d normally do to people please – like in Antonia’s case, you might always let friends choose where you go for dinner where you meet up. What would happen if you said you’d like to go to your favourite spot, or go to a restaurant you’ve always wanted to try?Another great exercise is one Jacqui heard on Simon Sinek’s podcast, which involves asking your closest friends exactly why it is that they are your friends? And we want to go beyond the surface level, with the obligatory responses of ‘because you’re kind, caring etc!’. Ask for specifics and examples! Here’s a handout with some more info from Simon Sinek’s exercise:https://simonsinek.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/FriendsExercise.pdfWe’d also like to say a big warm thank you to our wonderful sponsors of this episode: The fantastic folks at Woop, who keep our bellies deliciously full and warm, and the lovely team at Emma who ensure we get a good night’s sleep!Sponsor Codes: Woop are offering our listeners 30% off their first box. Just use the code PODCAST at the checkout. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is the one Jacqui has been very much looking forward to discussing – and it’s a biggie: attachment styles.Yip, our relationship in those very early years with our primary caregiver does go on to impacts us as adults – not just in our romantic relationships, but in all facets of our lives, from friendships to the workplace.Gaining an understanding of how your early relationship with your primary caregiver has informed your interactions as an adult can be incredibly powerful. It can also be very challenging work, so this episode of What Matters Most is sure to bring up a lot of feelings. Be warned!If you want to do what Antonia did and take a quiz to find out which attachment style you are (it’s optional to do what Antonia did and encourage all your friends/family to do it for an interesting chat around the dinner table!!) then head to The Attachment Project and take the Attachment Style Quiz.And, if this episode – understandably! – brought up a lot of emotions for you, exploring your early childhood, Antonia recommended you take a listen (if you haven’t already) to an earlier episode of What Matters Most. Episode III: Inner Child, also explores the idea that the experiences we have as a young child really impact how we operate as an adult. There’s also advice on how you can get in touch with your inner child and understand them a bit more.We’d also like to say a big warm thank you to our wonderful sponsors of this episode: The fantastic folks at Woop, who keep our bellies deliciously full and warm, and the lovely team at Emma who ensure we get a good night’s sleep!Sponsor Codes: Woop are offering our listeners 30% off their first box. Just use the code PODCAST at the checkout. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We’re back! In Volume VII of What Matters Most, close friends Jacqui Maguire, a clinical psychologist, and Antonia Prebble, actor and presenter, get to the bottom of what the mental load is, how this dynamic occurs, what we can do to change our own behaviours and how we can have those tricky conversations with our partners to create a more equal distribution of tasks in our homes.It's a conversation that is sure to stir up some thoughts (particularly for women – yip, research shows that 90% of females feel the carry the burden of the mental load), but hopefully it will give you the tools to examine what is happening in your household and how to go about making changes.If, like Antonia mentioned, you found Jacqui’s tips helpful on how to have a conversation with your partner about the mental load, you might also enjoy Volume II of What Matters Most: How to Have Difficult Conversations.We’d also like to say a big warm thank you to our wonderful sponsors of this episode: The fantastic folks at Woop, who keep our bellies deliciously full and warm, and the lovely team at Emma who ensure we get a good night’s sleep!Mentions:That wonderful ‘mental load’ comic by French artist Emma (yes, she just goes by one name!), can be found hereIf you want to read more from Allison Daminger – that Harvard PhD Student who researched The Mental Load, you can head here.And if you want to read up more about that 2017 study into female breadwinners by a non-profit organisation, you’ll find that here!Sponsor Codes: Woop are offering our listeners 30% off their first box. Just use the code PODCAST at the checkout.   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Walk past any self-help book shelf or tune into any better-living podcast and you’ll be told that happiness is the end goal we all should be chasing. But… is it, actually? In Volume I of What Matters Most, close friends Jacqui Maguire, a clinical psychologist, and Antonia Prebble, actor and presenter, are tackling the pursuit of happiness. First off, how should we actually define happiness? Turns out, there are two types – hedonia, which is a fleeting experience or feeling; and eudemonia, which is more about living a meaningful life.To help us narrow down what we find meaningful, Jacqui walks Antonia and the listener through one of her favourite visualisation exercises, and talks about how identifying her own values helped shift her out of a difficult life patch. By working out our values, we can then ask ourselves if they’re being reflected in our daily lives – and how we can increase them, building a far more sustainable type of happiness.  Hosted by: Antonia Prebble & Jacqui Maguire Produced by: Roar CollectiveCo-Produced By: Antonia Prebble & Jacqui Maguire Music: Goodboy Music Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

There can be a particular kind of melancholy that settles in when you catch your reflection in the mirror of your life and realize it looks different from the blueprint you once carried so confidently. The slow-dawning awareness that somewhere between your twenties and now, the GPS of your dreams got quietly recalibrated.In the latest episode of What Matters Most, Antonia Prebble and clinical psychologist Jacqui excavate this millennial anxiety: the gnawing sense that everyone else received a roadmap you somehow missed. Prebble admits to wrestling with the subtle ache of realizing that life has panned out differently than she once dreamed.Jacqui draws a razor-sharp distinction between aspirations and expectations. Aspirations are living documents, hopes that breathe and evolve with us. Expectations are fixed contracts we inherited from parents, absorbed from culture, crystallized from dreams we've outgrown. Our expectations are often someone else's entirely.The conversation dives into the weaponization of the word "settling." In our optimization-obsessed culture, settling has become synonymous with surrender. Jacqui suggests we're simply evolving. The life that looks like compromise is actually the one that fits.The episode's most potent insight: Recognizing that dreams change because we change is the key to moving forward. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Change is the one thing we count on in life and yet it gets easier. Whether it's a career shift, a new relationship, a move, or just a subtle shift in priorities, change has a way of throwing us off balance.In this episode of What Matters Most, Antonia and Jacqui take on the complex topic of navigating life transitions, big and small. Our brains treat change as a threat, even when it's something positive or long-awaited. Jacqui dives into the neuroscience behind why our minds crave stability, how rapid changes overwhelm us, and why our ancestors had to deal with the pace of change we face today.They explore why some people thrive on novelty while others struggle to adapt, and how personality traits and attachment styles play a huge role in how we cope.Jacqui offers insight into why emotional regulation is crucial when life throws us a curveball and why sometimes, just getting up and taking a shower is the best first step. The episode focuses on practical strategies like practicing cognitive flexibility and reframing our mindset. One key tip: shift from "bouncing back" to "bouncing forward," focusing on how you grow from the experience rather than trying to get back to how things were.It's about being adaptable. Learning to handle change is like building a muscle: it takes conscious effort, but the results are worth it. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode of What Matters Most, Antonia and Jacqui tackle one of psychology's most misunderstood concepts: boundaries. Despite becoming a pop psychology buzzword, the reality of setting healthy boundaries is far more nuanced than social media makes it seem.The hosts explore why boundary-setting feels so intimidating, particularly when online discourse oversimplifies their true purpose. As Antonia observes, "The problem with how boundaries are often discussed online is that they sound like ultimatums. That's not how relationships actually work." Jacqui builds on this insight, explaining that boundaries are fundamentally about your own behavior: what you're willing to do or accept, rather than controlling others.Together, they discuss practical strategies for recognizing when a boundary is needed, how to communicate it effectively, and why consistency matters even when others push back. At their core, boundaries protect your emotional space while respecting others' autonomy. They're about creating clarity, not building walls.This episode offers a thoughtful, real-world perspective on honoring your needs while preserving your relationships. As Jacqui emphasizes, boundaries aren't about cutting people off. They're about being clear with yourself first, then communicating those limits with grace and intention. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In the hierarchy of modern relationships, friendship occupies a peculiar position: essential to our wellbeing, central to our happiness, yet always relegated to the emotional back burner when life gets serious. Romance gets the red carpet but friendship gets the leftover energy.The episode looks at the particular challenges of millennial friendship maintenance, the juggling act of careers, partnerships, children, and the basic maintenance of adult existence. Balancing connection with the demands of daily life feels overwhelming, and friendships slip through the cracks.Jacqui takes us back to basics: friendship is about presence. Small, consistent actions make all the difference. The voice note trumps the dinner party. The quick check-in beats the elaborate gesture. Consistency is the currency that matters. They tackle the friendship emotions everyone talks about: the guilt of being available enough, the little pang of jealousy when a friend's life looks more polished than yours, and why being a good friend means showing up as you are. The episode's most potent revelation: being a good friend means resisting the urge to fix, to solve, to optimize. The most profound gift you offer is being willing to sit in someone else's mess while trying to clean it up.In a world obsessed with romantic partnerships, this is a love letter to our friends.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Originally inspired by Mel Robbins ‘Let Them Theory’ in this episode of What Matters Most, Antonia and Jacqui dive into the psychology of control; why we crave it, where it comes from, and how it can impact our lives and relationships. Together, they unpack the evolutionary roots of our need to control, the difference between agency and unhealthy control, and why sometimes letting go feels so hard. Jacqui shares insights from psychological research on the brain’s response to uncertainty and how control can be both a survival mechanism and a way to mask deeper fears. They also discuss the impact on those who feel controlled and how to break cycles of control with practical, evidence-based strategies.Whether you’re someone who thrives on structure or finds yourself caught in a cycle of micromanaging, this episode offers a nuanced look at why control can feel both comforting and confining. Antonia brings her usual candor and curiosity, while Jacqui offers thoughtful, research-backed insights into how we can start loosening our grip…without losing ourselves in the process. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello to our beautiful listeners! We are so sorry but we have a slight change of plan and will now be going on a break for the rest of this year. We just wanted to update you on what has been going on behind the scenes. And, not to be too mysterious, but we do have some exciting news in here! x We can't wait to get back to sharing 'What Matters Most' with you next year - We have so much planned and promise it will be worth the wait!  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It’s been an incredibly challenging year for many Kiwis, and to those who are rebuilding their lives after the impacts of a natural disaster, Jacqui and Antonia send you their love and support.It’s an unfortunate sign of the times that this week, close friends Jacqui Maguire, a clinical psychologist, and Antonia Prebble, actor and presenter, tackle the subject that has been most requested this year: dealing with the effects of a natural disaster.In this episode, Jacqui breaks down the three stages we typically go through and how we can best look after ourselves – and one another – during these different periods. The pair discuss what PTSD can look like, plus how to find a new routine, hope and gratitude in the wake of a major event. And, importantly the delve into exactly what we can do to care for and support children who are caught up in natural disasters.  “Kia kaha,” says Jacqui. “Stand together – remember that social capital is what will support our communities to survive from a health, mental health and economic perspective. We get through it, together.”“And please remember, there is no right way to feel. As a country we owe it to anybody struggling after a natural disaster to remember and stand alongside you – that is our duty, to be a team of five million.”If you’re looking for more resources after today’s episode, for a start, please head to:Get Ready: Brought to you by Civil Defence, this resource talks you through how to get prepared, what to do in an emergency and how to get involved in the aftermathAnxiety NZ: How to cope with anxiety during disasters and emergenciesHeadspace: How to cope with the stress of natural disastersThe Student Volunteer Army: As Jacqui mentioned, the SVA (formed after the Christchurch Earthquake) responds to the acute needs of local communities.New Zealand Red Cross: Donate to the New Zealand Disaster Fund, plus read about updates and the best ways to get support, or to support those affected by the recent severe weather events.We’d also like to say a big warm thank you to our wonderful sponsors of this episode: The fantastic folks at Woop, who keep our bellies deliciously full and warm, and the lovely team at Emma who ensure we get a good night’s sleep!Sponsor Codes: Woop are offering our listeners 30% off their first box. Just use the code PODCAST at the checkout. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.